The Words 'Best Friend' Become Redefined
by ColorMeChaotic132
Summary: Edward & Bella have been best friends & neighbors since they were little kids, but will they be able to overcome Edward's secrets? ALL HUMAN BxE LEMONS
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.

**Alright, guys. This is the first thing I've ever written for the public, but I'll take any criticism you give seriously, instead of just blowing it off.** **Some events and facts are based on my actual life, but this is definitely not my life story, haha.**  
**I'm thinking of putting this chapter in the middle of a story, or as the first chapter of a story. I don't know yet, but there will definitely be more chapters, and they will be longer**.  
**Let me know what you guys think/want! **

**- JayBee**

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BPOV

"Bella, come on, we're gonna be late!"

"I'm coming!" I answered, applying the final touches of make-up on my face. As I was running down the stairs, I saw Edward sitting on the couch, shaking his leg and biting his thumbnail, obviously nervous.  
It was his younger brother's high school graduation today. His brother wasn't nervous at all, and I guess Edward felt the need to be twice as nervous as he would normally be.  
He was dressed in a dark red zip-up hoodie and dark-wash jeans. I was in front of him, and he was zoning out, as if he was just staring at me. I realized that he hadn't even noticed  
that I was in the same room as he was.

I stepped closer.

"Edward. Ed…ward?…Edward. EDWARD!"

His mouth fell open and he just looked up at my face, dumbfounded. "Yeah, Bella?"

"Um…Are we going…?"

"Y-Yeah. Let's go."  
He was still sitting, so I crouched down in front of him. "What's wrong? Why are you so nervous? Are you afraid that Emmett might trip or mess up his speech or something?"

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess I am."

I took his hand in mine. "Edward, he's 17. He knows how to walk. He knows how to speak. I'm sure he can take care of himself. Stop worrying and enjoy this day," I said, looking up at his green eyes  
with a smile and squeezing his hand.

He looked down at me with a strange glint in his eyes for two seconds before smiling. "You're right, Bells. Let's go."

He finally stood up, and we walked outside. It was a cloudy day, and I hoped it didn't rain on Emmett's graduation day. The ceremony was going to be outside.

We got in the car, and as Edward began driving, I realized that he was driving slower than usual. He had specifically bought this Audi TT, so that he could speed.  
What a reason to get a car! I must admit that his car was beyond nice, but sometimes I got annoyed when he would ramble on about it.

_******We were laying down side by side in my bed one day, while he went on and on about his Audi.  
Seeing the boredom on my face, he turned on his side, hoisted himself up on his elbow and said, "Bel__laaa__, don't be jealous. You know I love you more."  
__Was he serious right now? "Get real, Eduardo. I'm not jealous of a car."  
He then started poking at my hips and ribs, knowing how ticklish I was. "Don't call me that!" He said, jokingly.******_

He loved speeding, and although it scared me, he almost never slowed down, no matter how much I'd beg him to. He said he loved the adrenaline rush he got, and called it "fun".  
I let go of my thoughts for a minute when I heard him clear his throat. I almost regretted asking him, but I asked without thinking, and it was too late.

"Why are you driving so slowly?"

He raised an eyebrow, looked at me, and smirked.

Oops. "Edward, no! I was just wondering why – " My words got cut off as he pressed his foot on the accelerator and sped off. *You had to ask, Bella.*

The clouds were parting and the sun was finally starting to show. Edward put on his sunglasses, and I remembered that I had put mine in his glove compartment yesterday.  
When I opened the glove compartment to get them, I jumped and froze at Edward's voice. "No! You can't look in there!" He closed the glove compartment before I could get my sunglasses.

"I just wanted my sunglasses…" I said in a small voice.

He sighed. "Sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to snap. Here, you can wear mine."

He handed me his glasses, and I reluctantly took them and put them on. "Why can't I look in there?"

"You just can't."

"But –"

"Bella," He said in a stern voice.

"Fine," I said sadly.

I knew not to ask anymore, so I just turned my head and looked out the window. I watched children playing in their front yard, and it reminded me of my childhood with Edward.  
I kept quiet. I was hurt, and I didn't care if he knew. It might seem as if I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but Edward and I never hid anything from each other.  
There were times where we even shared too much information, telling our "private time" moments to each other, making each other cringe. I don't know what he could be  
hiding from me, and it just added on top of the list of things he was doing that were unusual lately.

"Bella."

I didn't respond in any way.

He tried again, a little louder. "Bella, just look at me for a second."

I still sat there looking out the window.

I saw his arm extending toward me, and I felt his fingers under my chin, turning my head toward him.

"What, Edward?" I said in a monotone. He was facing the road, but his fingers were still under my chin.

"Are you mad?"

"Yes."

"Why? I'm sorry if I hurt you, but don't I have the right to keep some things private?"

"You do. I just didn't know we were hiding things from each other in our cars now."

He sighed heavily. "We're not. I'll show you what it is another time, okay?"

"Sure. Can we just forget about it?" I didn't want to have this conversation anymore. He looked hurt as well, and it killed me to see his face in pain.

We pulled up to the high school, and after Edward parked, he turned to me, his eyebrows pulled together, his face still sad. "You know I love you, right, Bella?"

"I know, Edward. And I love you."

His face lightened up a bit, and we hugged for a minute, before breaking apart and getting out of the car.

Emmett immediately ran up to us in his gown, with his graduation cap in his hand. "Bro! I'm finally graduating!!"

I had to laugh as he jumped on Edward and knocked the wind out of him. However, Edward being Edward, he didn't complain, and just laughed as he patted Emmett's back.

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**Let me know what you think!**

**Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Thanks for the reviews! This story and some of its events are going to be loosely based on my life (things like a house being between Edward and Bella's house, them meeting when they were 9, the relationship between them, random things they do...stuff like that.).**  
**I took a part from the prologue and put it in here, because I'm new at this and don't know how to organize my thoughts with this stuff, haha. Thanks again!**

**- JayBee**

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**BPOV**

I was sitting at my kitchen table, hurrying to finish my Cap'N Crunch before my ride to school came, when my dad came in, grabbing an apple on his way to the back door.

"Bye, Bella. I'll be back from work tonight at 8:00."

"'Kay, dad. Be careful."

He mumbled something that sounded like, "You too, Bella" on his way out.

I couldn't concentrate on my breakfast. Today, I had my History midterm, and I loathed history. With a passion. And how wonderful…history is Edward's favorite subject. I swear, I learned more about  
history from him than I did from all of my school years combined. I heard his car's horn, and groaned, dreading this midterm. I threw away the rest of my cereal, grabbed my bookbag, and then had a  
genius thought. Maybe if I didn't go outside, he would think I wasn't home! Alright, I realize that isn't likely, but maybe it might work. Okay, let's do this. I sat back down at the table, not wanting to  
make any noise by walking around the house. I sat as still as I could, waiting to hear his car drive off. I jumped when I heard Rihanna's "Umbrella" blast from my phone. I checked the caller ID.

Surprise, surprise. It was Edward. I didn't pick up, and continued sitting there, waiting. Then I jumped at a different sound.

"Bella!! Open the door! Are you seriously trying to pretend you're not home right now? I just saw Charlie down the road. He said you were home."

*Damn.*

"Come on, Bella. The midterm's not gonna beat you up. It's paper! What's the worst that could happen? A paper cut? Bella, I – ow!!!"

Oh, my God. I ran to the door and swung it open.

"Edward??? Are you…kidding me?!"

He was standing there with a smug smirk on his face, perfectly fine. That smirk. I hated that smirk.

"Alright, come on, Bells. Let's go," he said, gesturing to the car as if nothing had happened.

"WHAT?! I thought you were hurt! …And I'm not going." I began to turn around to go back into the house when I felt a hand grab my wrist and drag me to the car.

He stopped me in front of the passenger's side door, spun me around to face the car, and said, "Get in."

I sighed. "Um…no. Besides…my bookbag's in the house."

He turned his head to check if the kitchen door was still open. It was. UGH. He put each of his hands on the car beside both sides of my body so I couldn't escape.  
I couldn't even see where to escape from because I was facing the car! "I'll go get it after you get in. Open the door, and get in. Now. We're gonna be late."  
I didn't move, so he reached his hand in front of my body and opened the door, almost hitting me with the door.

I reluctantly got in. "You suck," I mumbled in a low voice so that he wouldn't hear.

This bickering was normal for us, and we never meant anything negative by them. Edward and I met when we were 9. My parents and I had just moved this house, and there was  
a house between mine and Edward's. Edward and I got became best friends fairly quick, and when my mom passed away when I was 10, he wouldn't leave my side, so we got even closer.  
We were now 22, and ignorant people would just assume we were a couple. Sometimes, we would hear rumors about something we did together at some random place.  
We didn't let it phase us, though. We knew we were best friends, and no stupid rumor would get in the way.

When Edward returned, he put my bookbag in the back seat, got in the driver's seat, and zoomed off.

"Bella, why are you acting like a child? I have to –"

"Why are you acting like my dad?" I knew I was being rude. I didn't care at the moment.

He turned his head and just looked at me. "Can I finish my sentence? …As I was saying, I have to take this midterm too. At least we'll go through it together, right?"

"I know, but I get so anxious. You know everything without even studying. I have to work so hard just to pass."

"What was the last grade you got in American Literature?"

I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but I answered anyway. "An 'A'."

"What was the last grade I got in American Literature?"

"A 'D'."

"Everyone has their strong points and weak points, Bella."

I knew he was right. And I _did_ need to stop being a baby.

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Hm?"

"I don't _suck_."

Crap. I guess I wasn't as quiet as I thought. I looked at him apologetically. "Sorry, Edward. I was just cranky."

"I'll see if I can forgive you. Now tell me you love me."

"Pfffft. No." Of course I loved him. And he loved me. We said it all the time. He knew I was just being difficult.

He lowered his Ray-Ban sunglasses and looked at me. "Bella."

I kept looking at the road, not paying attention to him. I was doing a good job until he broke out into song.

"Under my _um_-Bella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh. Under my _um_-Bella, ella, ella, eh, eh…"

I couldn't keep a straight face when he sang his version of our song. I cracked a smile, and then burst out laughing. "I can't…breathe! Stop singing!" He wouldn't stop until I said it.  
"I love you, Edward!!" He finally stopped as I gasped for air.

"You just love me for my amazing singing abilities."

"Yeah, _that's_ why I love you. You should do a duet with Rihanna," I said sarcastically.

"Thanks, babe. I think I will."

I realized that we had arrived at school, and we pulled into the parking deck.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too." His smile was so sincere, and I couldn't help but smile back.

I suddenly felt confident for a change. "Are you ready?? I'm gonna Ace this midterm, Edward, so you better watch out." We got our bookbags and began walking toward the stairs of the parking deck.

"Oooh…grade threats from Bella. SCARY."

"Shut up," I jokingly said as I bumped into his side.

When we exited the deck, I realized how nice the weather was. We attended New York University, and since neither of us could afford the tuition, we were lucky we got scholarships  
and took out student loans. When I first began attending university four years ago, Charlie didn't want me to dorm, so Edward said he wouldn't dorm either. I insisted that he should, so that he could  
get the full university experience, but he said he'd rather not. We lived close enough to drive, so Edward drove us to school almost everyday. Although Charlie allowed me to dorm during my third year,  
Edward and I had gotten used to our routine, and decided not to change it. Even though we commuted to school, we still attended parties and events when we could.

When we got to class, Alice, Edward's sister and my good friend, was already there. She was a year younger than us, and she stayed at the dorms in school. I sat between Edward and Alice.

"Hey, guys!"

"Hey, Alice." I knew she could tell by my voice that I was scared.

"Bella, it's not the end of the world. This only counts for 30% of your grade, not 100%." She thought that would comfort me? 30%?! My eyes went wide.

Edward then turned to Alice. "Stop it, Alice. Don't make her panic more than she already is."

Our professor then walked in. "Good morning, all. I hope you got a good night's sleep. Once I pass out these booklets, there will be no talking. Fill out the booklet as much as you can, and if you need a second one, just raise your hand."

A _second_ one? I knew I wouldn't even be able to fill out the first one.

As I began the exam, I saw that it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, which gave me some confidence. As I predicted, I didn't even fill up one booklet. Alice filled up one, and Edward filled up his first one,  
and half of a second booklet. When I was done, I put my exam on the professor's desk and left. I was so relieved that it was over. I saw Edward sitting with his legs crossed on the floor next to the  
classroom door, listening to his iPod. I heard Metallica's "_...And Justice for All_" blaring from his headphones, and knew he wouldn't hear me if I called out his name. So instead, I tapped his shoe with my foot.  
He looked up, smiled, put his iPod away, and got up, dusting his hands off.

"You wanna get something from Starbucks?" I knew he asked because he knew I loved Starbucks drinks, especially after something I did that was tiring. Let me tell you, this exam wore me out.

I smiled. "Yeah, sounds good. Where's Alice?"

"She had to go to her next class."

I was so glad we had no more classes today. My brain could relax. I was so grateful that there was a Starbucks on campus. After we got our drinks, we sat down for a little while.

"So, how do you think you did?" He asked.

I hated speaking about an exam I knew I failed, but if I failed, I failed. It was too late to change it now. "I don't know…I probably got a 30. Or 40."

"Bells, you didn't do _that_ poorly. I'm positive. Stop underestimating yourself." How did he have more confidence in me than I did?

At that moment, some girl with blonde hair walked up to our table.

She put both of her hands on the table and turned to Edward. "Hi, Ed! Oh, my God. That history exam was totally brutal! How did you do?" I was used to girls flirting with Edward by now.  
I mean, 6'1", green eyes, light brown hair, built body, smart, nice, funny. What's not to like, right? …But I really didn't like this girl.

Wait…did she just call him 'Ed'? He hated nicknames for his name. Ew. 'Ed' sounded ugly. She threw me a glaring look. What was that for? I raised an eyebrow at her.  
She just flipped her hair and turned back to Edward. I looked at him, and he hadn't even noticed what just happened. Typical boy.

He smiled at her politely. "Hey, Ashley. I probably did alright. The professor's gonna post the grades up online tonight, so we'll see then. Knowing my luck, I probably missed an entire  
part of a question and failed."

"Hahaha! You're so funny!" She slapped his arm playfully and he jumped, not expecting the slap. She finally walked away, and he turned back to me.

We then got up and starting walking toward the parking deck. "Hahaha! You're so funny, _Ed_!" I mocked Ashley.

Edward didn't laugh. "Bellaaa, don't be mean. She's not that bad."

"Edward, the way she speaks is so annoying. And she gave me a dirty look for no reason…" _And she called you Ed_, I wanted to add. I realized he didn't tell her he didn't like nicknames. Why was it okay for her to call  
him that?

"What dirty look?" He seriously had no clue what went on.

I was one of those people who loved arguing, and as much as I liked arguing with him, I didn't want to argue over this. "… Nevermind."

"Alright, no problem." I was glad he dropped it.

We just continued walking in silence when this kid from my Social Movements class came by and began walking with us.

"Hey, Bella! Did you start your Social Movements paper yet?" He was so adorable. His name was Jacob, he was about an inch taller than I was (I was 5'5"), and had brown hair and brown eyes.  
I wouldn't say I had a crush on him, but like I said, adorable.

"Ugh, no." Jake, this is my best friend, Edward. Edward, Jake." They both smiled and greeted each other. I'm glad that wasn't awkward. "I haven't even thought about my paper yet," I admitted.  
We both laughed, because neither of us had begun the paper, and it was due in three days. We continued talking until we had to part ways because his car was parked on another floor in the deck.

When Edward and I got in his car, I realized how tired I was, and I didn't know why. I couldn't wait to get home and take a nap.

"So do you wanna come over for dinner tonight? My mom's making steak and mashed potatoes." When Edward spoke, I realized that he hadn't really said anything while Jacob and I were speaking.  
Most likely because he was still trying to think about when Ashley and I had our little 'moment'.

"Mmm, yeah that sounds good. Is 7:00 okay? I have to make Charlie's dinner before I leave the house. I can bring my Literature book too, so we can begin studying for the midterm after dinner."

"7:00 is good. Uh…I don't really wanna study for it, but I guess I should. It's tomorrow, right?"

How was he not sure of the date of our midterm?! "Yupp, it's tomorrow."

By the time Edward drove to his house, it was 2:00. We got out of the car, "Bye, Bells. See you later. Do you need me to call to make sure you're awake on time?"

"No, don't worry. There's a long time to 7:30. I'll set my alarm to 6:00, make dinner, and come. Thanks for the ride," I said as I began walking to my house.

"No problem," he said with a smile as he walked away as well.

When I got home, I threw my bookbag on the floor, laid down on the couch, and fell asleep immediately.

I woke up to the front door opening as Charlie walked in. Charlie?! What time was it? I checked my phone. 8:15!! And three missed calls from Edward! My phone was still set on 'silent' from the  
time I was taking my exam this morning. I can't believe I forgot to set my alarm. I explained what had happened to Charlie, told him there were leftovers from last night in the fridge, grabbed my  
Literature book, and ran to Edward's house. I rang the doorbell, and waited for what seemed like forever until his mom, Esme, opened the door.

She immediately smiled. "Bella, we were waiting for you. I'm sorry, we already ate."

"I'm so sorry, Esme. I was taking a nap, and I forgot to set my alarm. I came by to study with Edward." I hoped his parents weren't disappointed or mad that I said I'd come for dinner and didn't.

"No problem, but Edward went out for a ride with his friend Jasper. You're more than welcome to wait upstairs for him. He should be back soon. He said he wouldn't be long."

"Thanks, Esme," I said as I stepped in the house. I walked upstairs to his room, and sat down on his bed. He just left? Where was he? I wish he was here so I could apologize.  
He couldn't stand it when people were flaky and irresponsible. I just sighed and opened my Literature book, waiting for him to get home.

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**Hope you enjoyed it!  
It's nothing special, but I'm sure (hopefully) my writing and plot will get better as I write more chapters and get used to it.  
I'm going to do chapters in Edward POV along the way, so let me know if you guys would like that.  
Also, I'll take any suggestions you wanna give me about what you want to happen or what would be good or bad or anything like that. :)  
If you don't wanna leave a review about what you want to happen, you can send a message to my inbox.**

**Thanks!  
**


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**I'm glad you guys are liking it so far!**  
**I'm gonna try to update every chance I get, because once this week ends, my Spring break is over, and when I go back to classes, my updates might get slower.**  
**Unless I do no schoolwork...which is possible.**

**- JayBee**

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**BPOV**

When I saw someone standing in his bedroom doorway from the corner of my eye, I snapped my head up. It was only Emmett. I don't want to sound mean by saying it was "only" Emmett,  
but I really wanted to apologize to Edward.

He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, and leaned against the door frame. Emmett was Edward and Alice's younger brother. He was 17, and a senior in high school. He had light brown eyes and brown hair,  
and was about Edward's height, maybe an inch shorter. His body wasn't as built as Edward's, but he was getting there.

"Hey, Bella. What are you doing here? I mean…sorry, that was rude, but I was looking for Edward. Is he here?"

Even Emmett didn't know where he was. "No, he's not here. Your mom said he went out with a friend and that he'd be back soon. I'm just waiting because we're supposed to study."_ I hope he comes soon._

"Oh, okay, cool. Do you want, like, juice or cookies or something?"

I had no appetite whatsoever. "No, Emmett…thanks." Again, I felt mean for thinking this, but I was glad he walked away. Edward was out with…who was it that Esme had mentioned?  
Jasper? Who's Jasper? Jasper…Jasper…Did he go to our school? I didn't know anyone named Jasper. I was still sitting on his bed, my legs dangling off the edge, and I was looking around Edward's  
room, thinking about how many times I'd been here, and how little it had changed over the years. He still had two twin-sized beds, in case any of his friends slept over. The two beds were parallel  
to each other, separated by a side-table. The one I was sitting on was the one he always slept on. He still had the same bookshelf next to the bed he slept on, same television next to the door, and  
same desk on the wall where the other bed was. He had plaques and medals on the wall and trophies on shelves from elementary school, middle school, and high school sports. His walls were still the  
same dark blue color. The only thing that I noticed had changed over the years was his computer and window shades. He used to have grey curtains, but now had blinds. I liked that his room was  
the same. It was comforting and familiar.

While looking around the room, I finally heard Edward come in the front door downstairs.

I heard his dad, Carlisle, and Esme greet him. Esme told him I was waiting, but I didn't hear his response. Maybe he didn't say anything. I heard him coming up the stairs, and I just sat there waiting.  
When he came to his bedroom doorway, he stopped for less than half a second, and continued walking in. I would've missed the way he hesitated if I hadn't known him so well.

"Heyyy, Bella. What's up? Sorry I took so long to get back. I didn't know you came over until Esme just told me."

He came and sat down facing me, on the bed next to the one I was on. I turned to face him. He looked…tired. Okay, Bella. Forget that. Apologize, because he's probably pissed. And he has every reason to be.

I started rambling. "Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to miss dinner. It was so rude of me. I just forgot to set my alarm, and I was in such a deep sleep because I was so tired. I woke up when  
Charlie came home, and I just told him to eat leftovers. I came as soon as I can, but you had already left –"

His laugh cut me off, as he did a 'don't worry about it' gesture with his hand. Then, he said the actual words. "Don't worry about it. Mistakes happen, right? Sorry I just left. I thought you weren't coming  
after I called a few times. So, let's begin studying. I wanna get at least a 'B' on that midterm tomorrow." He bent down to get his book out of his bookbag.

Why was he so nonchalant? I thought I would see his face kind of hurt, or get a lecture about being on time. I mean, I liked the fact that he wasn't mad or disappointed, but it felt so…weird. I realized that  
I was aimlessly looking around his room when he was speaking, and I looked at his face for the first time. And then, I looked again, not averting my eyes this time. "Edward?"

"Yeah." He raised his head and looked at me with raised eyebrows and wide eyes.

"Why are your eyes pink?" It was only a faint shade of pink, but it looked so drastic in contrast with his green eyes.

"Aw, man. Still?" He got up and left to go to the bathroom, which was right next to his room. "Bella? Can you come here for a sec?"

When I went into the bathroom, he was standing with his face right under the light, eyes open wide. "Does it look really bad?" He asked.

"Not really. It just looks strange because of the color of your eyes. What happened? Did you drink tonight?" His eyes sometimes got bloodshot when he drank alcohol. I didn't mind if he drank. He _was _of age.  
I just didn't want to him to drive when he drank, and I knew he didn't drive tonight, because his car was parked when I got here.

"Nah, I didn't drink anything. I don't know what happened. It was like this the entire day today. I think it got better, though. Maybe I rubbed them and something got in them."

"Should we put eye drops in them?" Emmett always had eye drops in the bathroom, because his contact lenses would sometimes dry up.

"Yeah," he said, looking into the mirror. Then, he just stood there. I knew why.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me to put the drops in?" He had a thing about putting anything in his eyes. Thank God he didn't need glasses, because he would hate wearing them, and he wouldn't be able to put in contacts.

"Yeah." He opened the drawer and took out the drops, and turned to me, giving me the drops.

"Okay, crouch down a little. And relax. This is made for your eyes."

He sighed heavily, crouched down, and put his head back. "Okay. Please, do it quickly. Get it over with."

"Alright," I mumbled. I positioned the bottle over his right eye, and when I squeezed the bottle, he turned his head to the side.

"Damn! It got in my ear."

Uh…duh. You moved your head. "Yeah, Edward. So don't move. You're making it harder. Okay, let's try again."

"Just forget it. When I sleep tonight, maybe it'll go away by tomorrow with some rest and time." After he said that, I just put the bottle back in the drawer and we went back to his room, shutting the door  
and taking our previous seats.

"'Kay. Let's begin," he said, putting his book in his lap.

I took my book out as well, but I really wasn't in the mood to study. I was feeling so lazy, and the exam was an essay about a story. _And_ were allowed to use our books. It couldn't get any easier. I was just  
doing this to help his grade, so I sat there pretending to read, just waiting for him to ask me question about a story or something. I wanted to ask Edward what he did tonight when I heard  
Nelly's "Country Grammar" blasting from Emmett's room across the hall, and then Emmett started rapping along. My head was still looking at the book in my lap, and I was glad my hair was covering my face,  
because I was biting my lip hard to keep myself from laughing.

After about a minute, Edward got up and swung his door open. "Em! Shut the _fuck. up._ and turn it _down_! We're trying to study!!" Emmett just shut his door, muffling the sound of the music enough that it  
wasn't uncomfortable. When Edward shut his door too, the sound was barely audible. Edward turned around and let out a hard breath. "Sorry, Bells. He thinks he's Jay-Z or something."

I had to laugh. At Emmett_ and_ Edward. Edward was so funny when he got worked up. "It's okay, I'm used to it."

"What time is it?"

"Let me check." I took my phone out of my pocket. "8:45. Why?"

"I don't feel like studying. Do you wanna just watch a movie? We can watch anything you want to."

"Yes! I don't wanna study either. Do you wanna watch something funny? 'White Chicks'?"

"Bella, we watched that so many times!" He laughed, taking of his shirt and changing from his jeans to pajama pants.

"I know, but it's my favorite! And you said we could watch whatever I wanna watch!" I wanted to laugh a little after worrying about missing their dinner and waiting for him to come home.

He smiled. "Fineeeeee. But I'm choosing next time." He went over to his DVD collection to get it, while I sat down in front of the TV. "Oh! 'Bad Boys'. I forgot I had this." I thought he was just speaking  
about it until I looked at him and saw him walking over with 'Bad Boys' in his hand. What?! Hell no. We were watching 'White Chicks'. I got up as quick as I could, and when he saw me, he stretched his  
arm up as high as it would go, holding the movie too high for me to get it.

"You said we could watch whatever I wanted!" I tried to jump and get the movie out of his hand, with no avail.

He scrunched up one side of his face, still holding his arm up. "Yeahhh…I changed my mind."

I stopped trying to get the movie, and when he realized what I was going to do, he ran over to his DVD shelf and stood in front of it, facing me, covering it with his body. "Hahaha, nice try, Isabella."

I saw one of my chick flicks on a shelf over his left shoulder and squinted at it. "Why do you have '13 Going On 30'?"

"Because. I wanna be '30, flirty, and thriving'. Okay?" He said in a girl's voice, quoting a line from the movie. I had to laugh at that. "It's a funny movie, Bells. You should watch it."

"Edward. It's my movie. You took it two months ago and I never got it back."

He looked up trying to remember, and when he remembered, I heard the light bulb go on over his head. "Oh, yeahhh!"

I remembered how we had gotten in this position, and I just stood there in defeat. "Pleaseee, Edward? I just wanna laugh a little." Then, I pouted like a child. *Please work, please work please work…*

"Such a_ kid_. Fine, **Izzy**. We'll watch 'White Chicks'. Just don't cry or anything." He thought he was funny or something. "And stop pouting. It doesn't work on me."

'Yeah? It doesn't? Then why does it always get me what I want?' I thought. I would never say that to Edward, though. If I did, he might really stop giving in to it. Then I would have to do stupid boy  
things…like watch 'Bad Boys' or go to car shows.

"Thanks, Eddieee!"

"Haha, you're lucky you're you. I wouldn't watch this movie one more time for anyone else. I'm gonna go make popcorn, and we have kettle corn and root beer for you."

I loved that they would buy things I liked, and I would do the same for him at my house.

When he left, I remembered that our history midterm grades were supposed to be posted online tonight. I went over to his computer to check. I signed in to my school account. I got...a 75.  
75...I didn't know if I should be happy I didn't fail, or if I should be mad that I got a 'C'. Well, considering I thought I got a 30 or 40, I'll take a 75. Then I logged into Edward's school account.  
We knew each others' passwords, so I knew he wouldn't be mad, and I knew he'd want to know his grade. He got a...62?! Just kidding...he got a 93. Big surprise, haha. I signed off and  
went to get the movie off the floor.

I put in the movie and laid down on my back on the floor in front of his bed, with my knees bent up, watching the movie's main menu, waiting for him to get back. When he came back, he put the tray full  
of popcorn and drinks down next to my body, and I sat up, knowing he would sit down with his back against his bed and his legs stretched out in front of his body. When he did, I put my head down in his  
lap and pressed play. He started running his fingers through my hair subconsciously, and I just ate my kettle corn. I realized I had gained my appetite back, and how hungry I was because I didn't have  
any dinner. This was so much more relaxing and comfortable than studying. Oh, yeah. School.

"Oh, you got a 93 in history. I got a 75. I just checked when you were downstairs."

He smile, obviously happy. "Really? Yesss."

"Were you nervous? Why are you surprised?" I laughed. How would he doubt that he'd get anything lower than an 'A'?

"I know I get good grades in that class, but I still get nervous, just like you do."

I laughed again. "Are you happy? Because you were right, you know. I didn't get a 30 or a 40."

"Well, are you happy?" He asked as his hand stopped running through my hair.

I thought about it for a while. A 75 was average. "Yeah, I am," I smiled.

He smiled back. "Then I'm happy." He took my hand and brought it up, kissing my palm.

We watched the movie in silence, laughing at the scenes we had laughed at so many times before.

"Can I get popcorn?" he mumbled.

I took some of his popcorn from the bowl into my hand and without looking back, put my hand by what I thought was his mouth. Instead, I ended up lightly hitting his chest.

He hissed loudly and pulled my hand away. "Bella, your fingers are cold." I forgot he didn't have his shirt on. I felt bad; I hated it when something cold came in contact with my body.  
It was such an uncomfortable feeling.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say as I still held onto some of his popcorn.

"No problem," he smiled as he opened up my fingers to take the popcorn out and eat it. He then reached over my body to get his bowl of popcorn. Ow, his abs were hurting my nose.

"You're squishing my face…" My voice sounded muffled under his stomach.

"Sorry…just…ugh…" His voice was strained. He was still trying to reach the bowl.

I reached my right arm out to get it. I couldn't see what I was doing, so my hand landed in the bowl. Then, I just grabbed the edge of the bowl, picked it up, and handed it to him.

He sighed in relief. "Thanks."

"Welcome. I just needed to breathe again," I joked. He chuckled, his body shaking with the laugh.

I turned my head to look up at him and I saw that his eyes weren't pink anymore. I was glad, until I realized something. He said they were pink the entire day, but I remembered that they  
weren't pink at school or when he drove me home in the afternoon. Did he lie to me…? I didn't want to bring this up; I knew it would lead to an argument. But there was something else I was curious about.

"Edward?"

He looked down at me, laughing about something that happened in the movie. "Yeah, Bells," he said. He had stopped laughing, but the sides of his eyes were crinkled from his huge grin.

"Who's Jasper?" I questioned.

His smile faded away.

* * *

**Hope you liked it!  
Reviews are like kettle corn and root beer (AMAZING)**.


	4. Chapter 3

**316 hits and only 13 reviews? Come on, guysss.**

**On another note, I know you guys want an EPOV, but I have to do at least this one chapter of BPOV (if not more). If I do an EPOV, you guys might figure out what's going on, and the story will end sooner, haha. So when I do an EPOV, I have to find a way not to give it away too much.**

**Thanks for the reviews! (But 316 hits and 13 reviews…I need more reviews! Even if you don't like it, you can curse me out, tell me I suck, anything you want. And if you want to, tell me how I can improve; I'd appreciate that.)**

**- JayBee

* * *

**

**BPOV**

Yesterday, we took our Literature midterm. I think I did pretty well, but Edward's worried about his grade. He says he'll be happy with a 'C', and I'm sure he didn't get anything lower than that.  
When I asked about Jasper two days ago, I thought he was going to say something terrible. Thankfully, he didn't.

_******__"Edward?"_

_He looked down at me, laughing about something that happened in the movie. "Yeah, Bells," he said. He had stopped laughing, but the sides of his eyes were crinkled from his huge grin._

_"Who's Jasper?" I questioned._

_His smile faded away. His face fell, he looked away, and he took a few seconds to answer. I started worrying. When his face returned to normal, he looked down at me and answered. "Some kid from my  
Geology class I met. Why?"_

_With that answer, I relaxed. Someone from school. Good. "I don't know. Just wondering. Your mom said you were out with him and I just wanted to know, because I had never met him. What did you guys do?"  
Was I being too nosey? Whatever. I wanted to know. He would probably do the same thing to me._

"_We just played pool at the billiards place two blocks down," he said, pointing out the window with his thumb. "Just one game though, because I really needed to study. And now…I'm sitting here watching a  
movie instead," he said with a smile. I was glad he didn't get mad that I was asking these questions. I was glad he took some time to himself during this hell week of midterms. He loved that billiards place.  
"You said you had never met him? I'm sure you have friends I've never met, right?"_

_I thought for a second. "Ummm…Nope. You've met everyone at least once."_

"_You sure? You don't have some secret boyfriend I have to beat up or something?" He teased, nudging me a bit._

_I chuckled. He knew that he was always the first to know about the boyfriends I had. "Yes, I'm sure. I wouldn't hide them from you, you know that…As long as you promise not to beat them up," I was half-serious  
with that last part. Edward could sometimes let his temper get the better of him, and in middle school when I came crying to him about a boy Tristan I was going out with, Tristan got punched – badly. Just one punch,  
but it was enough to keep Tristan out of school with a black eye and bruised cheek for three days. It was also enough to get Edward suspended for a week. After that, I always had to beg him not to do anything he  
would regret whenever I cried or got hurt. "So can I meet Jasper?"_

"_Haha, yeah you can meet him. And if you would stop going out with douchebags, I wouldn't have to think about hitting them."_

_I gave him a hard look, and we both broke out in laughter.**_

I still hadn't met Jasper, but it had only been two days. I wasn't that excited to meet him. I'd see him around campus sometime. I was sitting at the Starbucks on campus when Alice pulled a chair up to  
my table and sat down.

"Hey, Bella! How did you do in history?"

I made a face. "I got a 75. Not as bad as I thought, though. How about you?"

"An 81. Just made it. I don't know what I would've done if I'd gotten a 'C'." She rolled her eyes.

I gave her a look. Did she not hear what I just said?! I GOT A 'C'!

It took her a minute to realize what she had said. "Oh, my God, Bella, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!"

"Don't worry, Alice, I know," I said smiling. She just never thought before she spoke, so I couldn't get mad.

She had to go to her next class, so after she left, I put my bookbag on my back, got up, and walked aimlessly around campus. I walked outside, and saw the back of Edward's head. He was sitting at  
one of the picnic tables, shaking his leg and reading a book. I walked behind him, lightly grabbed a fistful of hair from the top of his head, and pulled his head back as I bent my head down slightly.  
"Give me your lunch money, kid!" I said in a bully's voice.

His mouth was hanging open, and his Adam's apple was jutting out from his stretched neck. His eyes were scrunched up, and I realized he couldn't see anything because the sun was in his eyes, but he  
laughed anyway. "Who are you? Bella, if this is you…"

I bent my head further down so that we were face-to-face, and my hair formed somewhat of a curtain around our faces, blocking out the sun and everything else from our sight. "If this is me…then what?  
What are you gonna do?" I joked, still holding on to his hair.

It took him a second to answer. He was trying to think of a good comeback. He didn't say anything. He reached his hands behind me, grabbed my book bag, and flung it over my head onto the table.  
I just stood there in shock, and then started laughing. How was doing that that even possible? I went to sit down at the seat across from him as he opened my bag and started looking through it.  
"Ooh…Purple pen. Ooh…green notebook. Ooh…a calculator and a cell phone and…a text from…'Jacob B.'" He held up my cell phone, showing it to me.

"Let me see?" I asked, reaching my hand out to get it.

"Nah…" He said as he put the phone in his pocket. When his hand came back out of his pocket, he had a nickel between his index finger and thumb. "Here's my lunch money," he said as he was handing  
it to me. I was gonna tell him to stop trying to distract me from getting my phone when another hand grabbed the nickel from him and the person sat down.

"Thanks, Eddie-Beddie!"

It was Ashley. She just took my nickel!!! I didn't get to ask for my phone, and we (mostly Edward and Ashley) began speaking about school and plans for Spring Break, but Ashley kept changing the subject  
to things she did at parties…like keg stands…passing out…throwing up…playing beer pong, and 'Oh, my Godddd! Like totally hooking up with this guy Ryan, but then hooking up with his cousin Steve.' I  
was getting disgusted just listening to her. I don't know how Edward put up with it. I didn't wanna give him a hard time, and tried to be friendly with her for his sake.

Right then, Jake came over. THANK. GOD. I was saved from hearing more slut stories.

"Hey, guys! Bella, I just texted you," He said, sitting down next to me

"I know," I said coldly as I shot a look at Edward. He looked at Jake and me for a second before turning back to Ashley. "Can I get my phone back, _Ed_?" I asked. If she could call him nicknames, so could I.

"Yeah, here." He reached in his pocket and handed me my phone, not even glancing at me.

Ashley kept babbling on and on and on…Oblivious to what was going on between Edward and I. Maybe she just didn't realize it because she didn't know how Edward and I acted when we were…normal.  
I looked over at Jacob, and noticed that _he_ had realized.

"Are you okay, Bella?" He asked, giving me a weird look.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. I was happy that he didn't ask any further.

Edward was texting while Ashley was talking. Ha! He probably didn't care about what she was saying. It didn't seem to bother her, though. She just kept talking and talking.

Jake and I began talking about our Social Movements paper that was due tomorrow. He had finished his, but I was only half-way done with mine. I then got a text message, and looked at it to see who  
it was. Edward? I looked over at him. He was sitting there, nodding his head and responding to whatever she had just said, before she just began speaking again. He didn't look my way. I checked the text.

_From: Edward_

**- Don't call me 'Ed'. -**

I'm not even gonna lie. That hurt a little bit. And it was so blunt. No 'lol' or 'babe' or anything. Anything like that would at least ease it up a bit. Whatever. I'm just gonna let it go. No big deal. I knew he  
didn't like nicknames. Just because she got to call him that didn't mean I could, right? Right. …No…not right. Why? Why did she get to make up dumb nicknames for him? I didn't really enjoy calling him  
by nicknames, but why could she? He could do so much better than her. She was so fake. Even her laugh was fake. Well, if he ends up ever liking her, I guess I have to accept her too. Okay, Bella. Don't  
jump to conclusions. They've only spoken, what? Two times? …Two times that _I_ know about.

I just realized that Jacob was speaking. "I could help you with that, if you'd like."

I was so lost. "Help me with what?"

"Your…paper," he said slowly.

He was a good student, and even though I appreciated his offer, I didn't like it when others helped me with essays or homework. I felt like they were doing it instead of me. I know most students would  
love that, but I needed as much hands-on practice with homework and things like that as I could get.

I looked over at Edward and Ashley. She was rubbing her hand up and down his arm. _**WAIT**_. She was RUBBING his ARM. And he was sitting there listening to her. How could one person talk _so much_?

I immediately took Jake's hand in mine. "Thank you so much. That's sweet of you, but I'd rather write it on my own. Sorry, Jake."

He looked down at our hands, and looked back up at me with a smile. "No problem. I gotta go, though. I have to babysit my cousins, and I'm gonna be late."

Aww, babysit his cousins? As I've said before, this kid is adorable. "Okay, see you in class tomorrow. Bye, Jake." After he walked away, I turned back to Edward and Ashley, waiting for them to finish their  
one-sided conversation, and Edward was just giving me a hard look. It_ almost _looked scary, but I knew better than to be afraid of him.

In the middle of another one of Ashley's stories, he stood up. "Are you ready to go, Bells?" He slung his bookbag over his shoulder.

"Yeah," I said, grabbing my bag as well.

I'm glad Ashley got the hint and shut up. "Oh, okay, then. Bye, Ed!" _Ugh_.

She finally walked away, and we started walking toward the parking deck. He didn't bring up that little "bad" moment we had before, so I didn't mention it either. I didn't know what was going on, but he  
was acting normal, so I didn't care. I didn't want any fights right now, and I knew that if we discussed what had just happened, it would end in a fight.

I was just looking forward to tomorrow. It was Friday tomorrow, which meant it was the end of hell week. Then, _Spring Break _for a week. Just hanging out with friends and not worrying about waking  
up for classes. Oh, and no Ashley for an entire week.

* * *

**So, what did you guys think?**


	5. IfUHadaSexLife, WouldUEvenWorryAboutMine

**Alright, here's Chapter 4.  
In Edward's POV.  
During the second half of this chapter, I was listening to "Human" by Civil Twilight.  
(It has nothing to do with 'Twilight'.) You guys should give it a listen. =)**

**- JayBee

* * *

**

**EPOV**

Wow. Why was it so bright in my room? I pried one eye open. Damn it. I forgot to close my blinds last night. Stupid sun. Should I close them and go back to sleep? Ummm…yes?...no?....yes?...no.  
What time was it? I reached my arm out – Oh, shit. It felt cold outside of my bed. – to my nightstand to check the time on my phone. 9:47?  
I just dug my head under my comforter and went back to sleep.

When I woke up again, I checked the time – again. 11:08. Alright, I'll get up. I sat up and my comforter slid down, making me shiver as cold air hit my chest. Why was it so cold in the house?  
I rubbed my eyes, and when I put them back down, I saw something move on the bed next to me. When I turned my head, I had to rub my eyes again. There was a lump the size of a big  
ball on the bed next to mine. I couldn't even comprehend what was going on.

A lump in the bed…meant…there was someone in the bed. Got it. But who would be in the bed? I came home after school yesterday, watched TV, went on my computer, and went to sleep at 12:00.  
I don't even remember going out last night, so I definitely don't remember bringing anyone back with me. Whoever it was, was facing away from me. I kept staring, and decided it would be a  
good idea to find out who was in the bed. I slowly swung my legs out of my bed and the lump that was now in front of me moved a bit, but didn't turn around.

I froze, still sitting. The comforter was pulled all the way over where the head would be, so I couldn't see any part of the body, but the lump was small enough that I knew it was a girl,  
because no guy my age (the person had to be my age…what little kid or old person would be in my room?) would be able to curl into something that small.  
I finally got off my bed, went over by my door to grab a hockey stick, and as I was walking toward the side of the bed that the person was facing, she decided to turn around to the  
other side, comforter still over her head.

I held my arm up and shook the hockey stick in anger. _Jesus Christ!_ Can you stay still for one second? I slowly walked to the other side, realizing how ridiculous I looked. I looked down and  
chuckled lightly to myself. Socks, boxer-briefs, hockey stick. That was it. If this wasn't someone I was close to, I was going to feel awkward. Should I throw on some pants? _*No! Just find out who this is!*_  
Okay, fine.

I slowly reached out with the stick, hooked it onto the comforter by the person's head, and pulled it back as slowly as I could.

I heard a shriek come from the body. "_Edward_! Put it _back_!"

I jumped, threw the stick onto the body, and froze.

It was Alice.

Thank _GOD_. I don't think I could deal with finding some other girl in my room right now. She was back for Spring Break.

She kicked the stick off the bed, rolled back over, facing the other side again, and pulled the covers back over her head again.

"Alice? Why are you sleeping in my room?"

She mumbled and I barely understood her. "Because...your room is warmer than mine or Emmett's."

"Why is it so cold?" I was shivering. Why the hell was I still in boxer-briefs?

I could barely understand her. Her head was still buried. "The thermostat…last night. Why aren't you wear…ny clothes? …so cold. …bliiiinds."

Blinds? Huh…? I was guessing she told me to close the blinds. I walked over to close them, and realized that despite the cold, it was sunny outside. I didn't want to stay inside when it was  
this nice out.

I saw a pair of my jeans on my chair and put them on. I walked over to my closet, threw on a plain white t-shirt I found, and wore my leather jacket over it. My sneakers were on the floor of  
my closet, and I just grabbed a random pair, sitting on the floor to put them on.

"Alice, I'm going to get bagels. Do you want any?"

She mumbled something I didn't understand, and I didn't feel like asking again. I would just get her a toasted bagel with butter. She liked those. I finished putting my shoes on, shoved the laces  
into the sides of my shoes, and left my room, grabbing my keys and wallet on the way out. I walked toward Emmett's door and knocked on his door – no answer. Probably still sleeping.

"Hey, Em, I'm going to get bagels. Do you want –" I began to say as I was opening his door. Oh, he wasn't here. Most likely out with his girlfriend somewhere. I liked his girlfriend. She was smart,  
pretty, and she treated him well. I only met her twice, but I could tell. What had he said her name was? …I think it was Rosalie. Yeah. That was it. Anyway, if she wasn't good for him, I'd let him  
know, and I know he would get mad. Thankfully, she was a really good girlfriend, and she showed respect to others, which was important.

I knew my parents were at work, but I checked their room anyway. No one was there, as I had expected. Alright, so just Alice and me. I went down the stairs and out the front door. I walked  
towards my car, but then decided to walk. It wasn't as cold as I thought it was, and the store was pretty close. Sorry, baby. I'll drive you later.

Okay, yes, I spoke to my car once in a while. I couldn't help it. She was my baby. Her name was Emily. No one knew I spoke to her, or that I had even named her. Well, Bella knew, but Bella knew  
everything. When she first heard me talk to Emily, she obviously laughed. I mean, you'd laugh if your best friend spoke to his or her car, right? Anyway, after that, she just accepted the fact that  
I loved my car, even though I knew she got annoyed sometimes.

As I was walking, I thought of all the different crap I did that Bella put up with, and I realized that very few people, family included, would ever put up with my little quirks.  
Well, that's why we were best friends. Even though we would tell each other we loved one another, I really knew she loved me when she would put up with my stubbornness or  
stupid things I would do, like wake up some days and decide that I didn't want to speak to anyone because I was in a bad mood. On those days, I would even limit the words  
that I would say to Bella, but she would never question it. She understood, even when others would get mad that I wouldn't speak to them.  
Everyone had their off days, and that's how I dealt with mine.

I finally got to the store, got the bagels and two cups of coffee, and started walking back home. I ate my bagel on the way home, and when I walked in my front door, I saw that Alice was up.  
I gave her the food and coffee, and told her I was going to be in my room.

"Okay. I'm gonna go out with Brian after I finish eating." Brian. Her boyfriend. I didn't really like him, but he wasn't that bad of a kid.

"Alright, just be careful," I started walking up the stairs.

I finally got to my room and turned on the TV, sitting on my bed and drinking my coffee. After about forty minutes, I got bored, and started thinking of things I could do. I thought about calling  
Bella and asking her what she was doing. Maybe we could play at the billiards place or just go for a walk since it was so nice outside. As I was thinking of things to do, the doorbell rang. I hope it was Bella.

I set my coffee aside, went downstairs, and began speaking as I was opening the door.

"Hey, I was just thinking –"

"Hiii! Yay! I found the right house!"

"Ashley? Hey! Ashley...uh...how did you find my house?"

What the hell was she doing at my house? I couldn't deal with her right now. Okay, okay, I have to be nice. She wasn't that bad. And she was always nice to me.

"From the phonebook, silly. Can I come in?" Not really…

"Um, yeah, sure." I stepped aside and she walked in. What a creeper. If someone doesn't tell you where there house is, why would you show up at their door?

"Your house is so cute!"

"Thanks…" Did she not realize that I was uncomfortable right now?

"So, what were you doing, Eddiekins?" She flipped her long hair behind her shoulder.

_STOP FUCKING GIVING ME NICKNAMES._ "Nothing. I was just watching TV upstairs."

I couldn't stand the things she called me. They were worse than any other nicknames I've ever heard people give me. I've told her to stop so many times and she always makes up new ones.  
Goddamn. How many nicknames can be made from one name? I didn't even let Bella give me nicknames. I know sometimes Bella got hurt when I told her not to call me something besides my  
own name, but at least when I told her to stop, she would respect me and stop. I called her 'Bells', but she liked that. I also called Ashley 'Ash', and she was okay with that, too. It kind of  
reminded me of Ash from Pokemon, which I found funny, but I would just keep that to myself.

Did Ashley not know that if _Bella_ couldn't call me nicknames, she _definitely_ couldn't call me anything besides 'Edward'? She thinks it's okay to call me all this weird shit? Hell no, it's not okay.  
I can't yell at her out of nowhere, though. Once again, I'm just going to suppress my anger, which I've seemed to do a lot lately. I know Ashley's not trying to be annoying, that's just the way  
she is. I'll just give her another chance – again. I knew Bella didn't like her, but they didn't really talk, so I didn't see why Bella would have a reason not to like her. Ashley never complained  
about not liking Bella. I wish Bella would do the same.

Lost in thought, I suddenly noticed we were in my room. I didn't even realize we'd started walking when we were downstairs. I just wanted her to leave so I could go out. Maybe I'd just take  
her with me or something. I was sitting on the edge of my bed and she was looking at my trophies, medals, and plaques.

"Oh, my God! You played hockey and baseball? I love hockey and baseball!"

Did she really? "Really? What's your favorite team? For both sports?"

"…I_ love_ the Jets." She giggled. What the hell?

Was she freaking kidding? Did she know that was a football team? Jesus Christ, at least say Yankees or something. They're well-known, and you won't sound like an idiot. I mean, I didn't  
expect her to know about sports; the only girl I knew who knew as much about hockey and baseball as I did was my Bella. Ashley didn't have to try to be fake to impress me. I didn't expect much.  
She _did_ study hard, though, which is probably how she made it into NYU.

I scooted back on my bed and rested my back against the headboard, grabbing my coffee and taking a sip. It was cold, but I didn't really care. Ashley turned on my radio and found a station that  
played old songs. Juvenile's "Back That Azz Up" was on, and at that moment, I knew she wasn't leaving anytime soon. I suddenly wished someone was home so I could say I was busy or –

She grabbed my coffee and put it on the table next to my bed. "Ashley, I was drink –"

And…I just shut the fuck up right then and there because she climbed on top of me and was straddling my waist. _Straddling my waist. _What the fuck?

"What the hell are you doing?" I whispered.

"Mmm…What does it look like I'm doing…?" She was moaning and grinding on me. I was about to have a breakdown, I swear. What the fuck, Edward…stop her. I couldn't. I couldn't stop what was  
happening, and I just noticed how hott she really was. I thought she was pretty before, but she really _was_ sexy. I felt so weak and helpless because I wasn't telling her to stop. I really didn't want  
this to happen, and at the same time, my body wanted it. And what did I do? I gave in.

She took her clothes off, and all I did was watch her as she did it. She took my clothes off, and I let her. I was still staring at her. Her body was so hott. I knew she had breast implants, but I didn't care.  
They looked good.

"Hey, do you have anything?"

Oh, she was talking to me. "Yeah, in the drawer." I pointed at the table next to us.

She reached over and dug in the drawer, taking out a condom. When she put it on me, I knew for a fact I wasn't going to do anything to stop her and we were going to do this all the way.  
I've had sex before, this was nothing new, but it felt awkward because my mind kept telling me to stop. Well, too late now, because I was already underneath her, inside of her. I heard my  
phone ring, and it took everything in me to focus on something besides the body on top of mine. I saw that it was on the table next to me, and reached my arm out to get it.

"Don't answer it." She breathed into my face.

I obviously wasn't planning on answering it right now, shit. I turned the phone toward me and checked to see who it was.

Bella. Fuck, fuck, fuck, _**fuck**_. It then hit me why my mind was telling me to stop. I told Bella about everything I did, and she told me about everything she did. She usually didn't care if I slept  
with girls, but she usually didn't have a problem with them. Bella made it clear that she didn't like Ashley, and said Ashley gave her dirty looks sometimes. I never saw the looks, but I know  
Bella wouldn't lie about that. She's going to think I chose sleeping with Ashley over my friendship with her.

I – fuck – I couldn't even think because I was so close to finishing.

"Eddie, I'm close. Are you close…?" Her voice was strained.

I couldn't even speak. "Mhmm…I'm…uh-huh…shit…_fuuuck_…"

That was it.  
I was done.  
She was done.

I pulled out of her and she collapsed next to me. I had to – she had to leave. Now.  
I had to let Bella know what happened before she found out from someone else. I knew Ashley would tell someone, and if Bella found out from someone besides me, she'd fucking  
tear me apart.

"Aww, Eddie, that was _good_!" She reached her hand out to cup my face, but I pulled away. I looked at her, and she wasn't fucking pretty or sexy or hott. She was disgusting. Edward,  
you're so  
disgusting. I can't believe I just fucked her. It felt so bad to think about it.

"Ash, don't take this the wrong way, but you can please go? I'm really tired and I just need to sleep." I didn't care if I was mean, nice, whatever. I just needed her to leave. I didn't want  
to see her face.

She hesitated. "Yeah…sure…Let me just get dressed." I was relieved when she didn't complain. I'm sure guys have told her to leave right after plenty of times, so she was probably  
used to it.

After she left, I took a shower, got dressed, and went over to Bella's house. Her dad answered the door.

"Hey, Mr. Swan. Is Bella home?" Oh, my God. My stomach was in knots just thinking about what her reaction would be when I told her.

"Hi, Edward. Yeah, she's upstairs." He walked over to the bottom of the stairs. "Bells! Edward's here!" I liked that only her father and I called her 'Bells'. It was as if no one was as close to  
her as we were.

She came down the stairs in jeans and a t-shirt. I smiled as if nothing was going on and I wasn't just having sex with a slut in my room. "Hey, Bells. You wanna go for a walk? It's nice out."

"Yeah! I was so bored. Let me just get a sweater." She went back upstairs and it felt like forever until she came back. We said bye to Charlie and left. Bella went out first and I closed the  
door behind me.

We started walking slowly down the sidewalk, and Bella started talking about how pretty her neighbor's flowers were and how nice the weather was. I couldn't even listen to what she was  
saying.

I had to tell her right now. I waited until she was finished speaking.

"Bells, I'm gonna say something. You have to promise me that you won't get mad." I knew it was pointless to make her promise. She would get mad.

"Haha, I promise." She was so care-free. She was making this even harder. _She's not doing anything, Edward. You made the situation harder._

"Don't laugh. Please. I'm serious. I have to tell you before you hear it from someone else."

"Edward, you're scaring me. What is it?"

"Don't be scared. I…" and I mumbled the last part. I knew she didn't hear it, but I was hoping she did. We had stopped walking by now.

"You…?"

"I slept with Ashley." It was a relief to say it, but I didn't feel any better.

"You slept with Ashley. Slept with Ashley, as in…you…"

"I had sex with her." Please…don't make me say it again.

"Oh. When?" She didn't seem mad. I was even more worried, because whenever I thought she would get mad at something and she stayed calm, she blew up later on.

I put my hands over my face and I knew she wouldn't understand what I was about to say. "Just now. Before I came over." I didn't want to be here anymore. I couldn't look at her.

"Huh?"

I hated repeating these things over and over. "Just now…Before I came over."

"Take me home. You're walking me back home right now."

I looked behind me. We were only three houses down from her house. I turned back around and put my hands up. "Bella, please, can I just –"

She just walked around me and started walking to her house. I wish she would just yell at me and let all of her anger out. I walked after her. When she saw me walking after her,  
she quickened her pace, and so did I. I was a few steps behind her when we reached her house. When she went inside and turned around to look at me, I knew I wasn't welcome inside.

What could I do? I didn't know what to say. "Bells, _please_. I'm so -"

"Don't _fucking_ call me 'Bells'." And with that, she shut the door.

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**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Well, one person said BPOV, and the rest said EPOV. To be honest, I was hoping you guys would say EPOV, haha.**

**Wooo! Over 1,000 hits. Only 34 reviews, but eh.

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**

**EPOV**

I couldn't believe she told me not to call her 'Bells'. That was four days ago. Four days that felt like four weeks. She hasn't spoken to me since that day. The only other time we had  
gone for a while without talking was in the sixth grade, when she decided it would be funny to shave my hair off while I was sleeping. I didn't speak to her for a week after that,  
vbut I obviously got over it.

My Spring Break couldn't have started off in a worse way. The only positive thing that happened was that our thermostat got fixed…wow. Big whoop. Who cares?

Bells, Bells, Bells, Bells, Bells. I couldn't take it anymore.

I've tried going over her house, calling, texting, and even going up to her in person. She wouldn't return my calls or texts, and when I went up to her in person, she would just walk away.  
I don't understand why she took this to such great extremes. I knew she would be mad, but I thought we would just talk it through like we always did and it would be fine. We didn't talk  
it through, and it wasn't anywhere near fine.

Ashley tried talking to me after that day, but I didn't even give her a chance. I wasn't mad at her, but I didn't trust myself around her. I don't know why I got so weak, but what happened,  
happened. I hated thinking about it. The part that killed me the most was when I thought of the time Bella had called. I mean, I wouldn't have picked it up, but WHY?! Why did she have to  
call in the middle of it?

Right then, my phone rang. My stomach was doing flips.

Bella??

I checked the phone's screen. _Call from… Jasper_

After thinking about it for a few seconds, I decided to pick up.

"Hello?" My voice was so raspy.

"Hey, man. Wanna go out tonight?"

"Hey…Sorry, I don't really feel like it."

"Aw, come on, dude! Stop being such a party pooper." Bro, I just hung out with you yesterday. How about you just shut the fuck up?

He was beginning to annoy me. Everyone was beginning to annoy me. "Nah, I don't feel good."

"Alright, man. Call me later if you wanna chill." I'm glad I got him off my back for now.

After I hung up the phone, I decided that it was time to call Bella again. I called her whenever I had the chance, and I didn't care if it annoyed her. Sometimes she would turn her phone  
off, and I would just keep calling.

I kept hearing the phone ring, but no answer. No surprise. I laid down on my bed, knowing this might take a while.

When it went to voicemail, I hung up and tried again.

And again.

And again.

Was she even home? She had to be. Well, I hoped she was. I saw her going out with Jacob two days ago, and I really didn't think he was good for her. I hope they weren't out together again.

I tried again, and froze in place.

She picked up. I shot up to a standing position from my bed.

She didn't even say one word. No "Hello," "What do you want?" "Fuck you," or anything. Nothing. All I heard was silence and her faint breathing. What should I do? My mind was  
racing and blank at the same time. There were so many things I wanted to ask and say. I didn't know where to begin. I needed to say something before she hung up.

"Bells – I mean…" I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut. "Bella?" My voice was so quiet, and after I heard her voice, I relaxed a bit, opening my eyes.

"Yeah."

What do I say now? "Are you –" I cleared my throat. "Are you home?"

"Yeah." Come on, babe…say a little bit more than 'yeah'. Please.

I was feeling more optimistic. At least she was speaking to me. "Can I come over?"

"No."

My optimism disappeared. I couldn't let this conversation end, though. "Can you come over?"

"No."

Well…What now?

"Edward, I picked up the phone to tell you to stop calling and texting me. And stop ringing my doorbell. Charlie's gets annoyed with all the times he has to open the door just to tell you  
to that I don't wanna talk to you. Maybe you'll listen if I tell you myself. I _don't_ want to talk to you."

I was speechless. I don't know if she felt this bad when I stopped speaking to her when we were in sixth grade, but I couldn't take this anymore. I didn't wait for her to hang up. I hung  
up first. I shook my leg, wondering what I should do.

I checked the time. 11:30 PM. I was going to go over her house. I don't fucking care. I don't care if she doesn't want me to call her. I don't care if she doesn't want me to text her. I don't care  
if she doesn't want me at her house.

I wore my sneakers, threw on a sweater, grabbed my phone, went down the hall, and stuck my head into Alice's room. She was reading a book.

"Hey, Alice. If anyone asks, I'm at Bella's house."

"Good luck." She didn't look away from her book. Three days ago, I had told her everything that had happened, and she had called me an idiot. I didn't argue. I knew I was an idiot  
for what I did.

I turned around and went down the stairs, and then out my front door. I wasn't going to ring her doorbell again. I didn't want her dad to get even angrier. Instead, I walk around  
to the side of her house, right underneath her bedroom window. Her room was on the second floor. I was gonna throw a twig at her window or call her name or something, but her  
lights were off. I assumed she went to sleep, and I didn't want to wake her. I just sat there on the grass, my back against her house. After a while, I felt my eyelids closing, and I  
decided to lie down on the grass.

I woke up when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I realized it was already morning. I reached my hand down to get my phone, and I realized there was a blanket thrown on top  
of me and a pillow under my head. I sat up, threw the blanket off, and grabbed my phone.

It was Bella. I was scared to pick up.

"Hello?" My voice was groggy.

"Come upstairs. And bring my pillow and blanket." After that, she hung up.

I grabbed everything as quick as possible, and went to her front door. On my way there, I realized Charlie had already left for work. His car wasn't parked in the driveway.

I turned the doorknob when I reached the door, and the door was unlocked. I opened the door slowly, and after I walked inside, closed it just as slowly. Trying not to make too much noise,  
I quietly walked up the stairs, anticipating seeing Bella. I reached her bedroom door, and I realized how terrified I was. Of what, I don't know, but I was terrified.

I needed to calm down. She called me up here, which meant she wanted to talk. But what if she just wanted her things back?

Her bedroom door was open just a crack, so I pushed it open.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed looking at me, and I didn't know what to do, so I just held out her pillow and blanket, thanking her for them. She didn't move, so I walked over to her  
desk and put her things down on her chair. I realized how much her room had changed since we were young. Over the years, it had gotten more…adult-ish. The colors used to be brighter,  
with pink everywhere. Now, the colors were mellower.

I saw that there was no pillow on her bed, and realized that she had given me hers, so I took the pillow from her chair and walked past her to put it down on her bed. What was I doing?  
The pillow was dirty. I didn't bother to bring it back to the desk.

When I turned back around, she was facing me, still sitting on the bed.

I cleared my throat and sat down next to her.

"Thanks again for the blanket and pillow…" I whispered as I turned toward her.

She shrugged. "I couldn't sleep anyway, and you didn't look comfortable down there."

Say something, Edward. Anything.

"Bella, can I please just ask something?" I looked down and started playing with her bed's comforter.

She didn't answer, so I continued, my voice just above a whisper now. "Why did you get so mad? I mean…I know you didn't like Ashley, but it's not the first time I've slept with a girl.  
You know that. You didn't get mad the other times…why now?"

It took her a while to answer. "I don't know, Edward. I know it sounds stupid, but honestly, I don't know why I got _this_ mad. You're right. I didn't have a problem with the other girls,  
but they didn't give me a hard time. I know you don't see the things Ashley does or the way she looks at me, but I felt like she didn't like me, and I didn't know why. I know the other  
girls would get mad that we were close, but they would at least be nice to me. And you promised!" Her voice rose a bit, and then dropped back down. "You promised that you  
wouldn't do anything with her. …But you still did it." She was right, and it broke my heart.

I was hoping she wouldn't bring up what she asked next. "Can _I_ ask something now? When I…called…that day. When I called, were you…you know…"

She didn't have to finish her sentence. I knew what she was asking. I looked up at her for the first time, and quickly looked back down. Her face was so heartbreaking, and her eyes were  
wet. No tears escaped from them, but they were there. I couldn't stand seeing her face that way. I felt like such a coward for not being able to even look at her face. I felt a lump in my  
throat, but I wouldn't cry. I could hold it back, I knew that, and I _would_ hold it back, because I didn't want her to see me cry right now.

"Yes, Bella. …Yeah. Yeah, we were in the middle of it when you called. That's what hurt me the most. That's when it hit me that I betrayed you. I know I promised you. You have to know  
I didn't do it to hurt you. I don't even know why I did it. Yell at me…please. I deserve it. I'm weak, I'm a coward, I'm a jackass , douchebag, prick, and more. I should have listened to you.  
I see how annoying she is now. Even back then, she annoyed me, but I kept giving her a chance because she wasn't mean to me. I shouldn't have spoken to her if she made you that  
uncomfortable and she was that mean to you. I didn't listen, and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You have to believe me when I say I didn't do it to hurt you or make you mad. I love you, Bella.  
You're my best friend. …You're still my best friend, right?"

I know it might have sounded like a dumb question…but I was afraid.

I didn't look up, and I was surprised when I felt her hug me. I hugged her back, and when she buried her face into my shoulder, her tears wet my sweater.

"Of course, Edward. I love you, too. How could you think I wouldn't still be your best friend? So there was a bump in our friendship. We can get over it. We've gotten over so many already.  
Stop being so nice to people just because they're not mean. I know you're cautious with guys, but be cautious with girls, too. They can have cold hearts, too. You know that. And I'm not  
gonna yell at you. I'm not mad anymore. Just…sad. Sad that all of this had to happen. I'm sorry too. I wish I would've just told you everything at first, instead of letting my anger take over  
and not talking to you for days. Oh, and just one more thing." She pulled away from me and looked at me. I was relieved to see that she had stopped crying, and there were streaks where  
her tears had dried on her cheeks.

"What's that?" What else was there that I didn't know about?

"Why does she get to call you nicknames when the rest of us aren't allowed to?"

I laughed. "Because she's inconsiderate. I told her so many times not to call me nicknames. She just kept making up new ones! At least you respect me enough to listen to me when I tell you  
not to call me nicknames. She made it pretty clear that she doesn't care what I think. That day at school, I know the text message I sent you hurt you. I didn't bring it up after it happened because  
I was already in a bad mood, but I wasn't in a bad mood because you called me 'Ed'. If I was to let anyone call me any nicknames, please know that it would only be you. Not even Alice or Em  
could call me anything besides my name. When I texted you, I was in a bad mood because of Ashley. She wouldn't shut up, and I took it out on you. Oh, and she took your nickel!" I was glad  
that I made her laugh with that last part.

"And when I saw you with Jacob, it put me in an even worse mood. I know you have _some _sort of feelings for him, and I can see he likes you. That's fine, and I'm happy. But Bella, I don't like  
the kind of person he is. I get weird…vibes or something…from him. Have fun, but you have to be careful. I know this sounds strange, but be careful around him."

I really didn't like him, and she had to know. I didn't want to give them any trouble, though. When Bella was happy, I was happy.

"Thanks. Even though I _still_ can't call you anything besides 'Edward', It really does mean a lot that I _could_, even when no one else is allowed."

"Oh…and speaking of nicknames, Bel_la_…" It was so hard to keep reminding myself to always call her 'Bella'.

She rolled her eyes and laughed, falling back on the bed and looking at the ceiling. "Yesss, you can call me 'Bells'! You can call me whatever you want to, Eduardo."

_Eduardo_? I straddled her legs and held her hands over her head, bringing my face down in front of hers.

I lowered my eyebrows and feigned anger. "Hey! Who told you you could call me that?"

She was trying not to laugh. "You just said –"

"I said _**if**_ I was to let anyone call me nicknames…"

She didn't say anything back, and for a few seconds, all we did was look at each other. Something felt different. I felt knots in my stomach, but not from nervousness. It felt weird. I had to get off.  
I mean, I had to get off of her. Her legs were probably getting numb.

Get off of her, Edward.

I swung my left leg over her legs and got off the bed. "Come on." I began walking toward her bedroom door.

She began pushing herself up. "Where are we going?"

"Movie day at my house."

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**Hope you guys liked it!  
Just so you know, this isn't the end of the story, haha.**


	7. Chapter 6

**To "Kim"**** – I'm replying here because you don't have an account so I can't reply to your review. I like constructive criticism, but "he needs to effing figure it  
out already cause this is just ridiculous." and "seriously, its time already." aren't really constructive. If someone has been best friends with someone of the  
opposite sex for over 10 years, he/she will most likely deny feelings for that person if those feelings are stronger than just a friendship. Either that, or they  
won't recognize the feelings. Also, you're right. I**_** do**_** have a plot in mind, so if you just want to wait until the story is done and read everything at once, you're  
more than welcome to do just that.**

**Moving on…**

**I'm loving the reviews, guys! Thanks!

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**

**BPOV**

I was unbelievably happy that Edward and I had made up. We have to go back to school in five days, and I'm glad those days won't be wasted with us fighting.  
Well, we weren't really fighting…It was more as if I wasn't speaking to him, but I was seriously pissed at him. After I thought about it, though, I realized it wasn't worth it.  
Ashley shouldn't be able to break up Edward and I (even thought it took_ two_ people, not just Ashley, to do what they did). I'm just going to think of it as a mistake that  
stupid boys (and girls) make and move on.

I loved movie days and nights, and we were having one at Edward's house.

Edward and I were in his living room, sitting on his couch, with Alice on Brian's lap in the recliner next to us, and Emmett and Rosalie on the floor in front of us. The couch Edward  
and I were on was big enough for three people, and my head was resting against the armrest, with my knees bent up and my feet flat on the couch, and Edward sitting right by  
my feet, with his back against the back of the couch and his legs off the couch, how someone would regularly sit.

My bowl of kettle corn was on the floor next to Em, and I kept eyeing it, because I knew he would eat it after he finished his popcorn. They ran out of root beer, so I had to take  
small sips of Edward's Mountain Dew when I got too thirsty. Emphasis on the 'small', because I hate that stuff. The movie was almost beginning, so I quickly took my phone out when  
I felt it vibrate, trying to get the call or text out of the way before the movie began. A text from Jake.

_From: Jacob B._

**- Hey, wanna hang out some time this week before break ends? - **

Aww, I realized I hadn't seen him at all this entire break. What day was today? Uh…Thursday. I slid my phone open so that I could text back using the keyboard, and held my phone  
behind my knees, resting my hands against my knees.

_To: Jacob B._

**- Sure (: I'm free tmrrw, so we can have lunch if you wanna. -**

I noticed that the movie was starting as I waited for a text back. What were we watching…? The guys had said it was a "surprise."

I felt my phone vibrate, and smiled when I saw the text.

_From: Jacob B._

**- Sounds good to me! I'll see you then. -**

I felt someone pull my ankles, and I put my phone down to look at Edward. My legs slid down so that they were stretched across his legs, and he was just looking at me.

I was still smiling from the text. "What?"

He smiled back. "Come on, the movie already started. What are you doing?"

Texting the person you told me to be careful with. "I'm just making sure my phone is on vibrate."

Okay, Bella. Bad lie. What are you, in the theater? Who cares if your phone is on vibrate?

He obviously knew I was lying. One, I was typing on the keyboard, and two, he probably noticed that my phone never made a sound _and _I was typing on the keyboard, so it was  
already on vibrate. He didn't say anything, though. Just kept his hands on my ankles and turned back to the TV.

Whatever. I sucked at lying. I knew that. And Edward knew that. If I told him I was making plans with Jake, he would probably give me a lecture about being careful. I'll just tell him  
later…or after I get back from lunch with Jake.

I decided it would be a good idea to pay attention to the movie. We were watching "Death Race"? Eh, okay. At least Jason Statham was in it. I picked up my bowl of kettle corn and  
realized the bowl was only half full. I hadn't even eaten any yet. _Gee, Emmett, thanks._

Once in a while, Edward would give his cup to me, and I'd take a sip and give it back. Alice and Rosalie would squeal when Jason Statham would say or do something cute, and Em  
and Brian would get mad.

Our movie day continued on this way until 4:00, and after the movie, everyone except for Edward and I went upstairs. They left their empty bowls and cups around the room, so we  
took them into the kitchen, putting them in the sink and talking about the movie.

As I finished putting the cups in the sink, Edward hoisted himself up on the counter next to the sink, his legs dangling off, and turned his head to me as he spoke.

"It was so funny seeing Em and Brian get mad at Alice and Rose."

I turned to him and continued the conversation. "Ha! Yeah, but I don't blame Alice and Rose. Jason's body was _beyond _nice in that movie." This wasn't even an opinion. It was a _fact_.

"Well, do you know how much training it would take for a guy to get his body that ripped? And he probably took diet pills or something."

"I'd like to think it was all natural. And good for him for working out that hard."

He threw his hands in the air. "Bella, how could you think that's all natural? He couldn't have gotten that big in the short amount of time we just saw him in other movies without help  
from diet pills." He was speaking so quickly, and I knew he wasn't joking around.

It was funny seeing him get worked up, but he was getting serious. Why? We were just joking. And we're speaking about Jason Statham's body! Why are we having a real argument?!

I walked the short distance and stood between his legs, looking up at him and speaking softly so that he would calm down.

"Edward, who cares? Why are you getting mad? Who cares if he took pills or not? I know Em and Brian care, because duh, they want their girlfriends to think their bodies are that  
hott too. Your body's better than Em's or Brian's, so don't worry. Don't be jealous." I tried to be funny with the last sentence, because he would definitely turn this into a real argument  
if I didn't lighten things up.

He mumbled his response as he looked down at his lap. "I'm not jealous, and I'm not getting mad. It's just that…he_ did_ take pills…it's obvious…I mean –"

I laughed, just to try and keep things light. "Okay, I believe you. It's not natural." I still thought it was natural, but I wasn't having this conversation anymore. "Let's go upstairs."

I grabbed his wrist and pulled him off the counter. He thought it would be fun to race upstairs, and started running. I didn't even try. I felt sleepy, and I wasn't in the mood to run  
or race right now. When he was halfway up the stairs, he looked back, saw that I wasn't with him, and waited for me to reach the stairs.

When we got to his room, I plopped down on my stomach on his bed, and he went to sit at his computer. I turned on my back and watched what he was doing. He turned on  
The White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army" and started singing along in a quiet voice while he checked his e-mail.

"I'm gonna fight 'em all. A seven nation army couldn't hold me back. They're gonna rip it off, taking their time right behind my back…"

I turned on my side and looked out his window while I just listened to him sing. Wow…his voice was so…_not_ good. I tried not to laugh. I can't say anything. He's my best friend and it's  
not as if my voice is any better. I heard him move and picked my head up slightly to see what he was doing. He got up to go to the bathroom, so I put my head back down and closed  
my eyes.

I wasn't sleeping; I was just resting. Then, BOOM. I felt a body on top of mine. I was still laying sideways, so it was uncomfortable, and kind of hurt.

"Edward. Get off."

He didn't budge. "Why?"

"Because, I can't breathe!" I really couldn't. And it was getting worse.

All he did was laugh.

"I really can't breathe! Get off!... Edward!!!" I tried pushing him off of me.

He finally started getting off of me. "Okay, okay, sorry."

Wow. I didn't really need all that right now. "That was annoying, Edward. I just wanna rest." I turned back around and closed my eyes, and then felt his body lay down behind mine.  
I was still facing away from him, and I opened my eyes when I felt his arm snake around my waist.

"Edward?"

"Yeah."

"You have another bed." I know I was on _his_ bed, but he still had another one. Okay…that sounded kind of mean. I was mostly teasing though, and I hoped he knew that. I didn't  
mind if he laid down with me, even if we were…spooning…I guess.

His answer was simple, and he took a few seconds to reply. "I know."

I didn't know if he knew I was teasing, and I didn't ask. We just laid there for a few minutes. I don't know if it felt awkward, but it didn't really feel wrong. It just felt…different.

"Edward."

"Yes, Bella?" He sounded annoyed. Whatever. I didn't care.

"Did you wash your hands after you peed?"

He snorted and nudged my body with his. "Yes, _mother_. I did."

"I'm just asking because you're touching me. I don't want nasty hands on me."

His answer caught me off guard. "Then why do you hold Jacob's hand?"

He said it in a teasing tone. I assumed he wasn't serious, so I laughed. "Shut up, Edward. I'm sure he washes his hands on a regular basis."

After a few minutes of just laying there, he broke the silence.

"Bells…are you sleeping?" His voice was as low as a whisper.

"No, are you?"

He laughed lightly. "I'm speaking to you. How would I be sleeping? Anyway, do you wanna sleep over?"

Well, that was nothing new. I'd slept over a lot over the years. I just always told Charlie that Alice wanted me to sleep over. He knew I was closer with Edward than I was with  
Alice, so I'm pretty sure he knew I was sleeping in Edward's room, but he never asked. He knew Edward had two beds, and maybe that's why he didn't mind.

I wonder if I had time to get ready and come back. "Sure. What time is it?"

He took his arm off me and reached into his pocket to get his phone. "Um…4:40."

"'Kay. I'm gonna go grab a few things and tell Charlie. I'll be back around 7:00. Is that alright?"

He started getting up, and so did I. "Yeah, that's fine. I'll ask Jasper if he wants to hang out so I can waste some time until then."

We started walking out of his room and down the stairs, then toward the front door. "Okay, then I'll see you tonight. Bye, Edward." He opened the door and I started walking out.

"Bye, babe."

A few seconds later, I took my phone out and slid it open.

_To: Jacob B._

**- Hey, wanna go out to eat in a little bit instead of tmrrw? -**

_From: Jacob B._

**- Yeah, that's cool. I'll come to pick u up at 5:15. -**

_To: Jacob B._

**- That's great! See you in a few. -**

I figured it would be best to hang out with him now, rather than wake up tomorrow at Edward's house and have to explain that I was going to leave him to go out to eat with Jake.

I would just tell Edward about my dinner with Jacob when I went over his house tonight.

Then it wouldn't be like I was hiding things from him, right?

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**Oooh…a date with Jacob and a sleepover with Edward.**

**I'm sure some you would love either of those, haha.**

**Review, review, review. (=**


	8. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews, guys!**

**Claire, your reviews are hilarious, lmao.**

**- JayBee

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**

**BPOV**

As soon as I got home, I walked up to Charlie. He was sitting at the kitchen table, cleaning his fishing equipment.

"Hey, dad. I'm gonna go out to dinner with a boy from school and Alice wants me to sleep over after."

He put down his fishing rod and looked up at me. "Who's the boy?"

Please don't give me a hard time. I'm old enough to go on dates…

"This kid Jacob Black from one of my classes. He's gonna pick me up in a little while."

He thought about it for a second, and then picked the fishing rod back up. "Well, alright. Have fun."

"I will." I smiled and turned back toward the living room to go upstairs.

On my way up the stairs, I saw him stretch his neck out to look at me. "Hey, and be careful, Bells!"

"I will!" Okay, Charlie. Don't turn into Edward. We don't need two of those.

Okay I felt bad for thinking that, but honestly, I was sick of hearing "be careful" 500 times. I could take care of myself.

I put those thoughts behind me, because I didn't want anything to ruin this dinner. I went into my room and checked the time. 4:48. I didn't have much time to get ready.

Um…um…I tried thinking of the cute things I had that I could wear. Ugh! I was trying to rush, and I couldn't think straight.

Okay. I know. I would just look through my closet. It would be quicker than trying to think of things I had that I could wear. Yeah. That was smart. Good job, Bella.

I walked over to my closet and rummaged through my clothes. I didn't know if we were going somewhere fancy or not, but I decided that I would just wear jeans and a shirt.  
Something comfortable.

I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans and a yellow tank top that was short enough to show a tiny bit of skin by my hips. I wore them as quickly as I could, and then went into the  
bathroom to put on my make-up.

I looked through my make-up bag, thinking of what to put on.

I didn't wear make-up on a daily basis, but every now and then, I would use some.

Hmm…yellow eyeshadow? Nah…if it looked tacky, I didn't have too much time to take it off and re-do my make-up. I opted for no eyeshadow; just eyeliner and mascara. I put  
the same amount of eyeliner as I normally did on my bottom eyelid, but made the line on my top lid wider than usual. Then, I put on the mascara…and…

I liked it! A lot. I was glad I didn't mess anything up. I checked the time on my phone again.

4:57.

I looked through the bag for my lip gloss, and put some of that on as well. After thinking about it, I thought it would be good to bring the lip gloss along with me, and I went  
back into my room to throw it in my clutch bag, along with my i.d. and some money. I wish I could just throw my entire wallet in there. I thought of taking a bigger bag, but I  
really didn't want to carry it around.

I heard my phone beep, and picked it up to check it. Jake? Crap.

_From: Jacob B._

**- Hey, I'm outside. Sorry I'm early. Take ur time. -**

Shit! He was already here. Ican't take my time knowing that he's waiting outside.

I grabbed my hoop earrings, quickly put them on, threw on a bracelet, grabbed my bag, and flew down the stairs.

As I was running toward the front door, I realized I didn't have shoes on. Ugh!!!

I ran back up to my room, slipped on my yellow Vans, and ran back down.

I slowed down before I opened the front door, so I wouldn't look like a mess going up to his car. I turned around to Charlie. He was sitting on the couch, watching a baseball  
game and drinking a can of Coke, and his head turned toward me.

"Bye, Dad! Call if you need anything."

"Bye, Bells. Be careful."

ALRIGHT! I GET IT!!! I'LL BE CAREFUL! "'Kay, dad."

I opened the door, closed it behind me, and realized that it was kind of chilly outside. Eh, I'd manage.

I turned around and stopped for a second when I saw Jake's car. A Chevy Avalanche. I_ loved_ trucks.

I quickly walked up to his car, opened the door, and hopped in, putting my seat belt on. "Jake, I _love _your car!"

He seemed proud, and his smile was smug. "Thanks. So where do you wanna eat? There's this great restaurant & bar place right next to my apartment, if you're into that kinda thing."

I didn't really care where we went. Anywhere was fine. "Sure! Sounds good to me. Anywhere where there's food," I laughed.

He laughed as he drove off. We started talking about music, and we listened to some of the same stuff. _Some._

"What?! Jake, how do you not like Metallica?!" Edward got me into Metallica when we were 15, and because of him, I knew almost everything about each member.

"How _do_ you like them? Their music sounds ugly." He made a disgusted face.

Whoa, whoa, _**whoa**_. We were _not_ having this conversation. "We're not having this conversation. I _will _beat your ass. What else do you listen to?"

He laughed, not knowing I was serious...kind of. "Um…" He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and squinted his eyes as he thought. "Three Days Grace. Do you like them?"

"Yeah! I love them!" I was so glad he listened to them. I loved their music. Not to mention, the lead singer was a hottie.

We came up to a red traffic light, so he reached in front of me to take out a CD from the glove compartment, and put it into the CD player.

It was a TDG album, and he skipped to the song "Take Me Under."

He started beating his fingers against the steering wheel again, this time to the rhythm of the song's intro.

We started singing along, and when the chorus came up, Jake turned up the volume and we sang as loud as Adam Gontier. Probably even louder.

"Push me _uuu_nder! Pull me _far_therrr! Take me all the wayyy, take me all the wayyy!"

After the chorus ended, he turned the volume back down and we started laughing. I was happy that he wasn't a boring person. I thought he might be, just because he was so  
into his schoolwork.

I know, I know. Stereotypes. I shouldn't believe them, right?

When we got to the place, I literally had to jump out of his truck. Jake got out and jogged over to my side. "You alright?"

We started walking toward the restaurant's door. "Yupp. No worries. I'm just not used to getting out of cars this high. I don't really like using my truck, because it's old and I  
get scared that it's gonna break down or something. Edward usually drives me places if I need a ride, and his cars height isn't anywhere near your truck's height."

"Yeah? What does he drive?"

"An Audi TT. His pride and joy." There was no enthusiasm in my voice, and I rolled my eyes.

After holding the door open for me, he walked in behind me and gave his name in to the lady working there. She said it would be a 25 minute wait to sit at a table, so we decided  
to sit at the bar and wait. "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing? That car must be amazing."

I didn't really want to talk about this, but I felt comfortable with Jake.

"It _is_ amazing. Like I said, it's his pride and joy. That car is number one in his life. It comes before everything."

We sat down at the bar. Jake ordered a beer and I ordered an apple martini.

He seemed interested, which I appreciated. "Even before his family?"

"I don't know if it comes before his family, but he pays more attention to it than he does to most things in his life." The bartender brought us our drinks, and I took a sip before I  
continued. "I mean, when I complain about it, he jokes around and says he loves me more than he loves the car, but sometimes I even question _that_."

He took a swig of his beer before replying. "Oh. Are you two…?"

I had to laugh. "Definitely _not_. People always ask that. There was never anything more than friendship between us, so don't worry. You don't have anything to be afraid of."

He threw his head back. "Ha! I'm not afraid of Edward, trust me."

I gave him a look. "You don't know him…_you _trust _me_. He's done some damage."

He looked at me before answering. "I'll take your word for it… Well, I don't really put my truck before a lot of things. Actually, I don't really put it before anything. So you don't have  
to worry about being second to a car."

I felt a tinge of anger that he was indirectly making Edward seem low or something, but I let it go, and just laughed. Even if I questioned Edward's priorities, I really did believe that  
he put his family and me before that car. I wish I had said that when Jake had asked.

"So, you live next door? Alone, or with your parents?"

"Yeah, I live in one of the apartments next to this place. Alone, though. I moved out of my parents' house last year."

I was impressed. "Wow. That's great. If you don't mind me asking, how do you get the money to pay for everything? I mean, the truck, the apartment…" I know it was rude to ask,  
but we were still in school; it wasn't everyday that you found someone in a university who supported themselves this well.

He picked up his beer and got ready to take a sip. "Haha…I have my ways." He looked at me while he drank his beer. Mysterious…I liked it…

"So…do you like any sports?" I hoped he did, just so we could have something else in common.

He put his beer down. "Yeah. I like almost all sports, but my favorite is hockey."

"Get out! Are you serious? It's my favorite, too!" I said as I pointed at myself.

I noticed that he was only half-way through with his beer, and – wow – I had already finished my martini.

He had a big grin on his face. "Totally serious. Do you want another one?" He pointed at my empty glass.

"Um…sure!"

He ordered me another apple martini, and I continued the conversation.

"So which team is your favorite?" I already knew what his answer would be. It was going to be one of two teams. The Islanders or Rangers. Both were New York teams.

"Pfft! What kind of question is that?! The Rangers, of course. What about you?"

I knew it. "I thought you'd say that, but I didn't wanna assume. Besides, it could've been the Islanders, too." I wasn't looking forward to answering his question. I knew what his  
reaction would be.

"So…?"

I sighed heavily. "Fine, fine. The…" I mumbled the team's name.

He leaned in, beer in hand. "The what?"

"The Devils!" I raised my voice.

His eyes went wide and he sat back, setting his beer on the bar. "Whoaaa, girl. Shhh!" He brought a finger up to his lips. "How could you like them? Jersey? You like Dirty Jersey?"  
He was in shock. I expected this, so I wasn't offended. The Devils were New Jersey's team, and the Devils and Rangers were rivals.

"Hahaha, yeah. I _do_. Edward and I always argue about it. He's a Rangers fan, too. But, whatever. After you guys lost Jagr, you got even worse than you already were." Jaromir Jagr  
was one of their best players, but he went to a team on the KHL. They sucked more than ever now.

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey! We were _not_ bad. But, okay…we got worse after we lost Jagr… I'll give you that. We still have Lundqvist. He's amazing." Lundqvist was their goalie.  
Pfft…yeah, okay, Jake. Nice try.

"Hahaha!! Are you kidding me? Brodeur's way better than Lundqvist. It's in the stats. He's the best in the league!" I realized I was slurring my words, but I felt so good. A little woozy,  
but nothing I couldn't handle. Feeling this loose was fun.

He put his hands up in defense and his eyes went wide. "Alright, Alright. Geez…don't shoot me."

I don't know why, but I found that hilarious. I was almost done with my second martini, and Jake ordered me a third one.

Wow…Jake was so…cute. Well, I already knew that. Tonight, he was beyond cute.

He was just staring at me, smiling. "Y'know, Bella, I really like you. You're not like other girls."

I was already half-way done with my drink.

I smiled back at him. "I really like you too."

What happened right after that confused me. I felt a light tapping on my cheek, and a familiar voice was calling my name. I realized I was laying down, but my eyes were still closed.  
It was so hard to open them.

"Bella? Bella. Bells. Come on, Bella. Baby, come on. Open your eyes. Say something. Anything. Make a sound. Please. Come on, baby." I still felt the tapping on my cheek.

I opened my eyes, and I was met with worried green eyes staring back, and I saw that there was a hand on my cheek. "Bella." The voice sounded relieved.

"Edward? What are you doing here…?" I turned my head to look around, my head still down. I was laying down on a…rug? "Where am I?" My voice sounded weird. I raised my head to  
get a better look around the room, and quickly brought it back down. "I…my head…" I brought my hand up to my head. I felt throbbing pain. Shit, it hurt so much.

"Keep your head down. Don't get up. I'm gonna pick you up and carry you, okay?" His voice was calm and steady, and all at once, I felt scared.

I had no idea what was going on or where I was. I realized that I was in someone's house, but I didn't know whose it was or how I got here.

Edward put one of his arms under my knees and the other under my back, and picked me up effortlessly, cradling me against his chest. This helped me relax a bit, and I was so grateful  
that he was here.

"Bella, are you okay? I am _so_ sor-" Jake was here, too. He began walking up to us, and stood in front of me, reaching his arm out to touch my arm.

Edward pulled us back. "Oh, no, no, no. Don't fucking talk to her. Don't _look _at her, don't _touch_ her. You're such a piece of shit, you know that? I don't understand how the _FUCK_ you  
could let her get like this!!!"

Edward's voice was killing my head, and I felt sick. Oh, my God. I –

I turned my head to the side and threw up all over the floor. I looked down, and realized I had thrown up all over Jacob's shoes. I looked up at him, my hair falling in front of my face,  
and he was just staring at me. "I'm sorry…" My voice was so small.

"Have fun cleaning that up, you retarded fuck," Edward said as he just pushed past him and walked into the hallway. At the end of the hallway, we were waiting for the elevator,  
and I became aware of how tired I was.

I started to close my eyes, when Edward gently shook me. I opened my eyes, and I was just staring at the elevator doors, my head turned to the side.

"Hey, don't close your eyes, okay? You have to stay awake." I kept staring at the elevator doors. "Bella, look at me." He spoke really quietly, and I was thankful for that.

I slowly turned my head toward him. He looked so sad, and I wanted to know why. I heard what he said, but my eyes were hooded. I couldn't help it. It was hard to keep them open.  
I just felt like sleeping.

"Did you hear what I said?" He raised his voice a little more.

"Mhm." I let my head fall back to the side, still looking at the doors.

The doors finally opened and we got in. Edward rested me on his arm as he reached his hand out to press a button.

After the doors closed, his gaze rose to the top of the elevator, watching the numbers change above the doors.

"Edward?"

He looked down at me. "Yes?"

"Why do you look so sad?"

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, but he didn't answer. Instead, he just opened his eyes and looked back up at the numbers.

I hoped he would at least tell me hat was going on. "Where are we?"

"In Jacob's building."

What were we doing in his building? "Why?"

"I'm gonna take you to my house. I'll explain it to you when we get there."

"Okay…Where's…my bag?"

"I have it. It's hanging from my wrist. Alright, we're gonna get out. I need you to try and keep a conversation going with me so I can be sure that you're awake. Can you do that?"  
Even though he was answering me, it was as if his mind was somewhere else.

Once the elevator doors opened, he stepped out, and I saw people in the lobby staring at us as we walked toward the front door. I wondered how bad it must have looked with  
him holding my limp body like a baby.

"Come on, Bella. Please. Try not to let yourself go. Did you hear me? Just talk to me once in a while. Like you did in the elevator."

"I heard you. I'm just tired…" I really didn't feel like keeping a conversation going right now.

He stepped outside, and the cool air felt so good against my face.

…But that feeling only lasted for a second.

I was glad my head was already turned to the side, because I threw up…again.

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**The next chapter is gonna be in Edward's POV, so I hope you guys enjoy that, lol.**

**Oh, I'm a Devils fan, and I was watching a game while writing this, so I decided to throw it in there, haha.**

**What happened to Bella?!****And why is Jacob apologizing?!  
Hahah.**


	9. Chapter 8

**Enjoy!**

**Song for this chapter:  
"Let That Be Enough" by: Switchfoot**

**- JayBee

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**

**EPOV**

Bella threw up…again. I was going to fucking murder Jacob. Strangle him. Strangle him and –

"Sorry, Edward…I…didn't mean it."

I looked down at her. "Bella, why are you apologizing? You're not doing this on purpose."

I couldn't believe I was carrying Bella like this.

Like a baby.

Almost lifeless, with no strength in her at all. She could barely keep her eyes open.

I stepped over the mess on the sidewalk and caught a taxi.

People actually had the nerve to stare as I put her in and got in after her.

_Wow. We're in New York, idiots. I'm sure you've seen weirder things than a guy carrying a girl._

They might have been staring because Bella looked so lifeless, but come on, had they never seen someone tired? I know Bella would feel uncomfortable if she knew they were looking, so  
I didn't mention anything about it to her. I didn't need her feeling any worse than she already was.

After I sat down and told the cab driver the address to my house, I saw Bella sitting next to me and resting the side of her face against the window. I reached over to pull her toward me  
so she could rest her head on my lap.

When I pulled her a few inches away from the window, she pulled away from me and put her face back on the window.

"Bella…"

"The window's cold. It feels good. I won't close my eyes, I promise…"

I didn't want to make things more difficult for her, so I just let her be.

I was glad we didn't live too far. With the speed that the cab drivers here drove at, the drive only took about 10 minutes. After I paid the driver and turned to Bella, I realized she had fallen  
asleep. I reached my arm out to wake her up, but decided against it and just pulled her away from the window and laid her on the seat. I grabbed Bella's bag, got out of the cab, and walked  
over to the other side.

I opened the door and after thanking the driver, picked Bella up, holding her against my chest again. I backed away from the open door and pushed my body against it to close it.

I turned around and heard the cab drive away.

As I walked up my walkway, I checked to see if Mr. Swan was home. His car wasn't there, so I relaxed. I don't know what I'd do or say if he saw me carrying Bella and asked what had happened.

When I got to my door, I reached over as best I could, and rang the doorbell.

I was glad that instead of my parents, Alive answered the door.

She quickly looked down at Bella and back up at me. "Edward? What are you –"

I pushed past her and walked inside. "Not now, Alice. Where are mom and dad?" I looked around, but didn't see them.

She was staring at Bella. "They went to some convention or something. They're coming back on Sunday. What happened to Bella…?"

I was relieved that my parents weren't here. If they saw Bella, they'd call her dad. I started walking toward the stairs. "Nothing happened. If –"

She looked back up at me and gave me a weird look. "What happened to your eyes? Why are they pink?"

She needed to stop questioning me. I couldn't deal with all of this right now. I knew my eyes were pink, and I hoped Bella hadn't noticed. I didn't care about my eyes. Who cares? Alice, do you  
not see Bella cradled in my arms? Obviously something happened to her, and obviously I don't want to answer any of your dumb questions right now.

"Alice, nothing _happened_! Listen, if Charlie calls, tell him Bella's sleeping."

She checked the watch on her wrist. "What? It's only 8:30. I doubt he'd believe –"

I was already at the top of the stairs and started walking toward my bedroom. "I don't fucking care! Just do it!" Holy crap, Alice. Sometimes, you're oblivious to everything around you, I swear.  
Just do whatever you can and help me out.

When I got to my room, I put Bella down on my bed and went to turn the light on.

I went back to my bed and pushed Bella on her side, making her face the other bed. If she threw up again, I didn't want her to choke. I looked around, trying to find a bowl to put by the bed.  
I couldn't find anything, but I knew there would be something in the kitchen.

I got a blanket out of my closet and threw it over Bella, then walked out of my room. As I passed by Emmett's room, I stopped and went back to knock on his door.

His voice sounded groggy. "Yeah?"

I opened the door and found him sitting in front of his computer, staring at the Yahoo News page on the screen. I found it hard to believe he was checking up on news, but I didn't want to know  
what he was really doing before I knocked, so I didn't bother asking.

"Hey, Em. If Bella's dad calls, can you tell him she's sleeping?"

He kept staring at the screen. "Yupp."

"Thanks." I turned around and walked toward the stairs, going down quickly.

I walked through the living room and into the kitchen, checking the cabinets for bowls. I finally found one, and jogged back upstairs to my room.

Bella was still lying there, and I placed the bowl on the floor by her head. I hoped she didn't miss the bowl completely if she threw up. Okay, you know what? If I'm hoping for things, I hope  
she doesn't throw up at all and gets better by tomorrow.

I went to turn the lights off, took my shirt and pants off, threw them on the floor, and got under the covers of the bed next to mine, turning on my side to look at Bella.

I hadn't wanted her to go to sleep because she was unconscious when I found her at Jacob's apartment and I was afraid that if she slept, she would go unconscious again, and I wouldn't be  
able to tell. But I knew she felt tired, and I would feel guilty for keeping her up.

She looked so peaceful, and I felt so bad. I couldn't stand seeing her the way she was tonight. I wish I had known that she was going out with that dumbass. I would've…I don't know.  
I don't know what I would have done. I wouldn't have stopped her from going. I didn't like him before, and I hated him with a passion now, but before this happened, I wouldn't have told her  
not to hang out with him. I couldn't. I had no say in who she could and couldn't hang out with.

But now…_now_…now I would most definitely let her know that she wouldn't be hanging out with him anymore.

I wanted to ring his neck…bash his face in…beat the living shit out of him.

I hugged my pillow and continued watching her.

I couldn't hold them back anymore. I knew I was lying to myself. I turned my head and shoved my face into the pillow, punching the bed.

I turned my head back to the side and looked at her again.

Bella. Isabella. Isabella Marie Swan. Isabella Marie Culle–

…Just kidding.

…No. I'm _not_ kidding. As I said before, I couldn't hold them back anymore. I'm not speaking about Bella and Jacob. I'm speaking about my feelings for my Bella.

I couldn't hide it anymore. I couldn't hide my love for her anymore.

I was in love with Bella, and it hurt so much.

When she asked me why I looked so sad in the elevator, I was so scared that she saw my feelings for her. I _was_ sad, and I still am about what she just went through, but I was scared that  
she might have seen past the sadness.

I've known that I was in love with her for about a year now, but I just realized it recently. A year ago, I felt like I might have loved her as more than a friend, but I kept suppressing my feelings  
and just denying them. I kept trying to convince myself that the things I felt were a friendly love, the way someone loves a sister.

I can't suppress them anymore, though. They're getting stronger, and it's getting harder to ignore them.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I don't want her to know. I know that much.

She might not take it well. Or she might start acting weird around me. I know she loves me, but not the way I love her. No, I'm not being dramatic. I'm serious. With the way she acts toward me…I know  
she loves me, but I can tell she's not_ in_ love with me.

I'm fine with that, though. As much as I want to be more than a friend to her, I'm fine with just being her best friend. It kills me when she goes out with other guys, but as long as she's happy, I'm happy.  
As cliché as that sounds, it's true.

I'm just afraid that she's going to get hurt really badly one day. Either emotionally, physically, or both. If any guy _ever_ hurt her physically…

I would end up in jail. I'm not joking. I would literally beat the kid to death, or beat him enough to get him in a critical condition and in the hospital.

I…I didn't want to think about Bella getting hurt.

I turned on my back and rested my hands on my stomach, letting out a heavy sigh.

When I heard Bella move, I turned my head toward her and realized what was about to happen. She bent over the side of the bed, and just as I expected, she threw up. Her head came up to look  
at me, and then she just fell back onto her side and went back to sleep.

It felt so good to be in bed, but I knew I had to get up.

After I reluctantly pushed myself up, I got off the bed and bent down to pick the bowl up, holding it as far away from my body as I could while I walked to the bathroom.

I turned on the bathroom light and squinted at the brightness as I walked over to the toilet and dumped the contents of the bowl into it. After I flushed the toilet and rinsed the bowl out in the  
sink, I closed the lights and went back into my room, placing the bowl where it previously was.

I glanced at her, and realized she had gotten some on her shirt. I began to pull up the hem of her shirt and took it completely off, throwing her shirt on the floor. I went to my closet and got one  
of my t-shirts, wondering what she would want to wear. She liked bright colors.

I knew it didn't really matter what she wore, but I didn't care. I looked through my shirts until I found a light green one, and I pulled it out, unfolding it as I walked over to my bed.

When I got back to her and began putting it on, I couldn't help but stare. The moon cast a light over her through my window, making her skin look pale. I felt so guilty for looking at her this way,  
especially when she wasn't even aware that I was staring at her.

This was my little Bella.

_She's your age, Edward._

Shut up, I know that.

I forced myself to stop looking and continued putting the shirt on. When I bent one of her arms to put it through the sleeve, her voice took me by surprise.

"What're you do_inggggg_?" She was mumbling and trying to pull away from me, so I looked at her face to see if she noticed that I was trying to help her.

Her eyes were still closed. She was just annoyed and half asleep, so she had no clue what was going on.

I stopped struggling to put the shirt on and tried keeping my voice down. "I'm just putting a new shirt on you, Bella." Did she know who was dressing her? Did she even know where she was?  
I wanted to let her know, just in case, because she kept pushing me away. "Bells, It's me. Edward."

She mumbled something I didn't understand, but I was glad that she stopped trying to pull away. I put her arms through the sleeves and pulled the shirt all the way down.

It reached her thighs, and I realized she still had her jeans on. It couldn't be comfortable sleeping in those, but I wasn't going to take her pants off right now. Besides the fact that I knew  
I'd stare at her inappropriately again, everything I had would be too big for her waist, and I didn't want to ask Alice for pants right now.

I stood straight up, and looked around for the blanket. It was by her feet; she probably kicked it off. I took it and draped it across her body again.

She had vomit around her mouth, and I cringed for a second before leaving to get a washcloth from the bathroom.

I ran it under warm water and brought it back to my room, wiping her mouth. I regretted the fact that I hadn't wiped her mouth the other times, but I was too pissed, and wiping her mouth was  
the last thing on my mind back then.

While I was running the cloth over her mouth, she parted her lips and the cloth almost went in. I pulled back before it did.

_Jesus Christ_, that would've been disgusting. I had gotten everything off, so I stepped back, picked her shirt up off the floor, and went to throw it in the laundry basket with the washcloth.

I checked the time on my phone, and plopped down on my bed. It was 10:00.

I didn't want to sleep, in case something happened to her overnight. I don't know what could happen, but just in case something _did_, I couldn't be sleeping.

If she went unconscious, I wouldn't be able to tell, so that kind of scared me. Also, if she threw up again, I had to clean up.

I lay on my side and just watched her. My eyelids felt so heavy.

Okay. Just 15 minutes, and then I would wake up.

I closed my eyes and continued thinking about Bella.

My mind drifted to Ashley. I still couldn't believe I slept with her. I hated thinking about it, but I couldn't help it. It hurt Bella so much, and I hated myself for it. That day, I felt like I lost some of  
Bella's trust, and I wouldn't blame her if I did. I didn't want to ask her about it. I knew she wouldn't admit it, just so that she wouldn't hurt my feelings. But look how easily I hurt her that day…

I hoped she knew that I wouldn't hesitate to do anything for her. My heart ached so much when I thought about being with her. I hated the feeling, but at the same time, I loved it. When I saw  
some of the idiots she hung out with, I knew I could be so much better for her, but sometimes, I felt like even _I_ wasn't good enough for her. I don't know who was.

I kept thinking these thoughts, and I felt myself drifting into sleep, but promised that I wouldn't let myself get too deep into it.

Next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and I was facing my closet. The sun was shining in my room.

_Shit._ I slept through the night.

I turned around to face my bed, and panicked when I didn't see Bella in it.

I opened my eyes wider and quickly pushed myself into a sitting position.

"Bella?!" My voice was deep with sleep, and I cleared my throat.

She turned toward me. "Yeah?"

She was sitting at my desk with a lollipop in her mouth, doing something on the computer.

She still had my shirt on. I looked down, and realized that…she had no pants on.

I didn't care if I stared and made it obvious.

Bella was sitting in my room with no pants on, eating a lollipop. With no pants on. Did she have on any –

No, no, no. My mind was _not_ going there. This was Bella.

I kept staring, and she sat there waiting for me to answer her.

I didn't say anything. Just stared.

She shrugged and turned back around to the computer, and I just…kept staring.

Then, I felt an uneasiness in my stomach when I realized I had to tell Bella what had happened to her last night.

* * *

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	10. A Little Kiss and Tell

**EPOV again. =)**  
**Hope you guys like it!!**

**The song for this chapter is the ACOUSTIC version of "Everlong" by Foo Fighters.  
**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**EPOV**

After about a minute, Bella turned back around, taking the lollipop out of her mouth and looking at me, oblivious to what was going through my mind.

"Edward, what?" I don't know if she was asking me why I was staring, or still waiting for me to say something because I had called her name out.

I didn't say anything. I just fell onto my back on the bed, and looked at the ceiling. What was I supposed to say? 'Your legs look so nice, Bella. You have no pants on.  
I was wondering if you were wearing any underwear.' Yeah, because that wouldn't be creepy.

I heard her throw the lollipop away and get up. I prayed that she wouldn't sit next to me. I don't think I could take it right now.

I had seen her legs countless times before, and I'd even seen her in just a t-shirt, but I didn't think of her this way back then. I wish more than anything that I could still  
deny my feelings, but I'd already accepted them.

I let out a sigh of relief when she sat on my bed, facing me.

"Edward?"

I turned my head to speak to her and quickly brought it back to its previous position when I realized I was face-to-face with her…bare legs.

"Edward, what the heck are you doing? Why aren't you talking?"

Because I'm trying not to stare at your legs like the idiot that I am. "Sorry. What were you saying?" I turned my head again, making sure to keep my eyes on her face  
and look nowhere else.

She brought the front layers of her hair in front of her face and started playing with them. "Why did you sound panicked before?"

"Hmm? When?"

She ran her hands through her hair, pushing her hair back. "Just before. When you called out my name."

"Oh…I didn't know where you were when I didn't see you in my bed."

She laughed. "I was right here. Where would I be?"

"Dunno. Just got worried."

"About what? I'm in your room. Nothing can happen."

"I don't…really know, actually. I don't know why I got worried. I freaked out because I fell asleep, and I wasn't supposed to." I sat up and faced her.

She seemed so clueless and confused. "Oh. So…why weren't you supposed to?"

"Huh? Don't you remember anything from last night?"

She looked away and shook her leg. I kept looking at her leg, and when she stopped shaking it and looked back at me, I snapped my head up to her. "Yeah, I do...  
Okay, I'll tell you, but don't get mad."

What was she _talking about_? Of course I was mad. Didn't she see that last night? Alright, I kept looking down at her legs. I couldn't have a conversation like this. "Tell me after  
you answer this: Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

"I don't know. I woke up and there was…vomit…on them, so I took 'em off. I tried on one of your shorts, but they kept falling off. Okay, let me ask this: Why am I in your shirt?"

I stood up and held up a finger. "One sec." I left and went into Alice's room. She was still sleeping, so I grabbed a pair of sweatpants from her closet. She probably wouldn't  
get mad because they were for Bella, so I didn't bother waking her up and asking her.

I got back to my room and threw them at Bella. "Here." They hit her head and landed on my bed.

Her hand immediately went to her head. "Ow! Edward! What the hell?"

I had to laugh. "Bella, come on. They're sweatpants. I doubt that hurt."

She got up to put them on, and I went over to my closet to get a pair of sweatpants for myself, throwing them on as well. I didn't bother putting on a shirt.

Bella sat back down and I took my previous seat across from her.

"Okay. Now, why am I wearing your shirt?"

"You said you remembered what happened last night."

She looked down. "Oh…yeah…I do. Okay, Edward, _please _don't get mad." I didn't answer and she looked back up at me. "Okay?"

I didn't answer her. I couldn't promise that I wouldn't get mad, because I was beyond pissed last night. "What do you remember?"

She started rambling. "I feel _so_ bad, Edward. So bad for not telling you, but I knew you'd get mad. …I went on a date with Jake yesterday. But he's not as bad as you think he is!  
And he's a Rangers fan! Doesn't that earn him points with you?" She ended with a smile, and she jumped when I spoke.

I threw my hands into the air. I felt my blood boiling. "Earn him _points_?! Bella, what the hell?! Who _cares_ if he's a Rangers fan?!" I grabbed my hair with both hands and had to  
take a deep breath. What the fuck was she saying? I let go of my hair slowly and breathed in and out deeply. I tried to keep my voice calm. "Bells…what else do you remember?"

"You're not mad that I went out with him and didn't tell you? I mean, I was gonna tell you when I got back –"

"No – I mean, yeah, that does kind of piss me off, but I don't care right now. What else do you remember? Anything while you guys were talking?" I wondered if she knew what  
happened before I got there.

She looked up, trying to remember. "Um…not really. We were talking and drinking…and then…I don't know. I woke up in your bed. Why was I in _your_ bed and not in the one you're  
sitting on? I thought you liked to only sleep in your bed."

"I put you in that one because you feel more comfortable in it."

"You _put _me in it?"

"Do you remember how you got here?"

"No. I don't remember anything after drinking. I made it here safely though." She smiled and nodded her head. "I guess I had a pretty good night!"

I put my hands over my face and fell backward onto the bed. "Oh…my…_fucking_…GOD! Shit, Bella!"

"What? Why are you being so weird? And…why am I wearing your shirt?"

I felt my anger rising and sat back up. "It _really _doesn't matter why you're wearing it. You wanna know? You really wanna know why you're wearing my shirt? Because I changed  
your shirt last night. Because you threw up and got some on it."

I was furious. _Furious_. I felt my face getting hot. My anger was taking over the sorrow I had felt for her before. "Oh, and why did you throw up? Because you passed the fuck out  
at the bar, and I don't know, I guess you had alcohol poisoning. I don't know how you don't know your _fucking limit_. You're 22! You're fine when we hang out and drink! What the  
fuck happened?! And the fucking retard didn't even think to stop you?! You think you can't remember anything because you got _sooo _fucked up and had an amazing time?!!"

I stood up and pointed a finger at her. "No. You can't remember anything because you passed out, he brought you up to his apartment, left you there – fucking _left_ you there – and  
went back down to the bar to hang out with people. Oh, but don't worry. He's not as bad as I think he is, right? He can't even fucking take care of you…"

I thought she might cry, but to my surprise, she stood up aggressively, and I fought back the urge to push her back down onto my bed and make her sit.

"I don't need anyone to take care of me!"

"Well, apparently you do, Bella!! Holy fuck! I wish you could've seen yourself last night! You could barely walk! I wouldn't be surprised if your beloved Jacob got you that drunk on purpose."

She took a few seconds to answer. "Okay, first, he's not my '_beloved_' anything. He's a freaking friend –"

"Some friend…"

"Shut up! He _is_ a friend! At least he doesn't put me down… That's all you're doing right now! You're making me feel like crap! And how did you even find me? Weren't you out with _Jasper_?"

I put my hand up. I didn't think it was possible to get any angrier until she said that, and I struggled to keep my voice calm. "Wait a second. So _he's_ a friend, but _I'm_ not? Please,  
Bella, tell me that's not what you're saying right now."

She bit the corner of her bottom lip and looked away. "I don't know…"

I really didn't know if I should be sad or mad. "What do you mean you don't know? Bella, he just left you there. You passed out and he just…_left you_. What if I hadn't come? You weren't  
even on your side when I got there. What if you threw up and just choked? He wouldn't have been there to save you."

I sat down slowly and held her gaze, shrugging my shoulders. "Then what would I have done? What would I do without you? Seriously, Bella. What would I do? Tell me."

I didn't want to think about her not making it, but I couldn't help it. I looked down in my lap, feeling defeated. I didn't know what had defeated me, but I couldn't shake off the feeling  
of being overpowered somehow.

She took two steps toward me and grabbed my face from both sides, pulling my head up and forcing me to look at her. Her voice was low. "Don't say that. Please."

I pulled her hands down. "Well, what do you want me to say? Bella, why are you so naïve? You think everyone is such a good person."

She took a couple of steps back and sat on the bed across from me. "There's good in everyone, Edward."

"But sometimes the bad outweighs the good. Bella, I _really_ can't stand Jacob. No, you know what? Forget about not being able to stand him. Honestly, I hate the kid. I still can't believe  
he didn't make you stop drinking and then he didn't even…ARGH!" I slammed my fist against the bed. "I just can't stand him, okay?"

"Okay, Edward, I understand. I won't hang out with him so much anymore."

Was she joking? "Huh? So much? Bella, you're not talking to him again."

She took a second to answer. "What do you mean I'm not talking to him?"

"You're. Not. Talking. To him. Again." I don't think I could make it any clearer.

"Yeah, actually, I am. Do I tell you who to talk to and who not to talk to? No. I don't."

"You're right. You don't. Because I don't think everyone's such a goody-goody. If I have a bad feeling about someone, I stay away."

She nodded her head. "Sure, sure…that's why you stayed away from Ashley."

That caught me completely off guard. "Bella, what the fuck does that have to do with this? Why are you bringing up old shit? And she's not even a bad person."

She mumbled her response, and I don't think I was supposed to hear it. …But I did, and it got my blood boiling again. "Yeah, she's not a bad person because she fucked your brains out."

I shoved myself off the bed and spoke through clenched teeth. "Bella, I swear to _God_…"

She didn't seem upset at all, and that bugged me even more. How could she not be upset right now? Did she not care at _all_? "What? You swear what? It's true. She _did_ fuck your brains  
out. Or maybe you fucked hers out. Who knows?" She shrugged her shoulders.

I couldn't believe she was saying things like this. I didn't want to hear her speak about Ashley and me having sex. I didn't want her to think about it, because I knew it made her mad.  
I swear, Bella was the only person who was able to get me from sad to mad and back again so quickly.

I got on my knees in front of her and looked up at her as I put my hands on her knees, pleading with my eyes. "Bells, _please_. Please stop. Why are you bringing this up now? I thought  
we were past this. I don't wanna think about it. I know it hurt you, and I stopped talking to her. For – for _you_. I don't know what else you want me to do! Say it, and I'll do it. All you have  
to do is tell me. I promise. Just stop talking about it. …Please."

I felt defeat wash over me again.

Her eyes were bloodshot and I realized that tears were slowly running own her cheeks.

Her hand came up to my face and I didn't even know I was crying until her thumb wiped away the single tear rolling down my cheek. After she took her thumb away, I wiped my cheek  
with my hand.

She was so beautiful. Even when she cried and was at her lowest point, she looked more beautiful than other girls did on their best days. She beat them all by a thousand miles, and  
she didn't even know it. She didn't even have to try. She was naturally beautiful, inside and out. From her gorgeous hair, to her lovely brown eyes, to her stunning face, to her genuine  
personality. Everything about her. Absolutely everything. I couldn't find one flaw. Even the things she did that annoyed me, and even when she pissed me off to my breaking point; I loved it all.

I don't think she would ever understand how much it bothered me when she brought up what I'd done with Ashley. I wish I could go back and undo it. It wasn't worth this. Ashley was  
worthless to me, especially compared to my baby.

I knew I was the one to make her cry like this, and it broke my heart. I brought my hands to her face to wipe her tears and she reached for my hands to take them in her own.

My voice was lower than a whisper when I spoke. "Baby, why are you crying?"

She started sniffling. "I – I – I don't know. Why are you?"

I didn't answer. I just hugged her waist and when she fell back on the bed, I brought myself up higher and rested my head on her stomach as she wove her hands through my hair.

My head rose and fell with each breath she took.

We lay that way for a few minutes, but I knew we still had thigns to settle.

"Bella, please don't think you're second to Ashley…or to anyone. I don't know how to make you see that you're number one, always. You're always on top. If there's any way for me to  
make you see it, tell me, please. No one comes before you, ever. When I asked you to tell me what I would do without you before, I really wanted you to tell me. I truly don't know what  
I'd do if you were ever taken away from me. I love you so much, Bella. _So_. _Much_."

This was the most I could say without letting her know I was in love, and even though it killed me to hold my feelings back, I couldn't just drop them on her at a moment like this.

It was quiet for a minute, until I heard her crying again. She took her hands out of my hair and I rested my chin on her stomach to look up at her. "Can you please tell me why you're crying?  
I wanna know." She looked down at me and her face was twisted in grief. I couldn't look, so I put my head back down.

"B – Because I made you think Jake came before you! And on top of that, I said he was a friend but you weren't! How can you feel bad for me? What I said to you was much worse than what  
you did…"

Her hands went back into my hair and I closed my eyes, losing myself in the feeling of her hands.

"I know I'm your number one, but you have to know you're mine too, Edward. You can't doubt that. Even when I say dumb things. I have no problem with not speaking to Jake. If you don't  
want me to, I won't. I trust you. I know what he did was wrong…And I should've been more careful…You're right. I _am_ naïve. But I always have you here. I know that. I know you're here.  
So I don't worry about speaking to anyone who would put me in danger. I know you wouldn't let anything happen…"

I opened my eyes, and even though no tears fell, my eyelashes were wet.

I took her hands out of my hair and without thinking, pinned them by her sides and brought my face up to hers in a quick motion. I had to. I had to do it. I couldn't stand it anymore.

I closed my eyes and slowly brought my lips down to hers. I could taste the salt of her tears on her lips, but I didn't care.

I turned into goo and melted into her. I gave so much into this kiss, and it felt so good. I tangled my hands into her hair and brought her face impossibly closer to mine.

It took me less than a second to realize that she was kissing me back, and my heart fluttered because she was accepting it. She accepted this.

The second the kiss got more aggressive, I felt her try to move her arms and I let them go, forgetting that I was holding them down.

I thought she might put them in my hair or grab me, but instead she lightly pushed me away, her fingers cold on my chest. I sat next to her and she sat up.

We were both panting, and I had to close my eyes to take everything in.

"Edward…What are you doing?"

I opened my eyes. What does she mean? I think what I was doing was pretty obvious. "Um…kissing you?"

Her response made my heart plunge into my stomach. "Why?"

Why was she asking? I was sure she felt the same way about me as I did about her. I was sure of that during the kiss. Why did I have to explain it? I wasn't really ready to pour my  
heart out yet.

"What do you mean, 'why'?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I…um…I don't know…Just because…" Just _because_? "Should we, um – should we pretend this didn't just happen?"

She just stared at me and nodded.

No! That wasn't what I wanted to say! And this wasn't how it was supposed to go! We were supposed to kiss and…I don't know…confess our love to each other? It sounded childish,  
but I didn't care.

I wanted to punch myself in the face. I was so angry.

I couldn't even control my body enough to keep myself from kissing her.

You're such a strong man, Edward. Such a strong man.

And just like that, my anger turned to embarrassment. I got rejected by Bella. I didn't know how to act as if this had never happened. I don't know why I'd suggested that,  
because it _did _happen.

It happened because of me.

I ruined our friendship.

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**Oooh...What is Edward doing kissing her?!  
Oh, and how did he find Bella & Jake? And wasn't he supposed to be hanging out with Jasper?**

***Gasp* ...Edward never answered those when Bella asked.**

**hahaha**

**Reviews, please. =)  
**


	11. Chapter 10

**I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter so much. (:  
I loved the reviews.**

**  
This chapter is longer than my other ones, because I finally worked the prologue into the story.**

**:)**

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**BPOV**

It had been three months since…the incident.

Three months. I don't know how we made it this long without ever bringing it up, but we somehow managed.

…But I still thought about it everyday. It still felt weird to think that Edward kissed me.

I didn't know what it meant, and I was afraid to ask. Whenever I built up enough courage to ask, I remembered that he'd asked if we should pretend as if nothing had happened and  
I'd agreed.

I wish I'd thought before agreeing, because now it was really bothering me.

How would I even bring it up? It had been a long time since it happened. He probably even forgot about it. Okay, I know he hasn't forgotten, but he might not even care about it  
anymore.

After that day, things got weird and tense, but I was sure that after a few days things would be back to normal.

Now, they were_ kind of_ back to normal, but not fully. He touches me less, but I don't know if he realizes he's acting different. If he's doing it on purpose, I wonder if he knows that I realize it.  
I know this sounds strange, but he literally touches me less. Less hugs, less lying down with him, less everything.

These are some of the things I want to talk to him about. I've never really had trouble talking to him about anything, and I didn't even know who to turn to for help.

He was always the one to help me in situations like this. What could I do now that _he_ was what I needed help with?

The only thing I was certain of was that I couldn't let this get in the way of today.

Today was the day of Emmett's high school graduation.

I was at Edward's house getting ready in his room, and he was downstairs waiting for me. Alice was with me, waiting for her parents to get home. She was going with them, and I was  
going with Edward.

Alice and I were just talking about random gossip, when I realized that I could ask _her_ what was going on with Edward. She probably knew. I mean, she lived with him.

I waited for her to finish whatever she was saying, and then I knew that I had to ask. I couldn't take it anymore.

She was sitting on Edward's bed. I was putting on my make-up, and stopped to turn toward her. "Alice, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Bella. Anything."

I almost chickened out because I didn't know if I wanted to know the answer, but I forced my self to speak.

I kept my voice low, in case Edward could hear me. "Why has…Edward been acting weird lately? I mean, I don't know if he's acting weird toward everyone, or just me, but it's bugging me. A lot."

She made a face. "Oh…Bella, maybe you should ask _him_."

I wanted to know now! "No, Alice, _please_, just tell me if you know."

"Why won't you just ask him?"

I threw my hands up and yelled in a whisper. "Because I'm afraid of his answer!"

"If you're afraid of the answer, then you probably already know what it is." I waited for more, but she didn't say anything else.

"Alice, really, I _don't know_. The only thing I can think of is that he doesn't feel close to me or he doesn't like me anymore."

She looked confused. "It's actually the complete opposite."

What was the opposite of that? "The opposite? So he still feels close to me and he still likes me…That's a relief…I guess."

She was getting annoyed. "Bella, I don't know how you don't see it. I don't know how _Emmett_ sees it, and you still don't."

"See what?"

"I wish I wasn't the one to tell you this, Bella. I wish he was the one telling you."

"Alice, just say it!" I had to remember to keep my voice down, and I hoped Edward didn't hear me yell. I didn't want him to come up here to see what was going on. I checked the time.  
We had to leave in a little bit. "Quickly, I'm gonna leave soon."

"Okay, okay! …Edward's been acting weird because…"

I held my hands out and gestured for her to continue. "Because…?"

"He loves you." She let out a sigh of relief.

What was she talking about? "What? That's the big secret? I already know that. I love him, too."

She rolled her eyes. "Bella, no! He's in love with you. _In_ love."

It took me a few seconds to process what she had just said.

Then, I realized how ridiculous this was and I couldn't help but laugh and shake and my head. "What?! No he's not. How do you know? Did he say anything? He was probably making a joke."

Why would Edward be in love with me?

"He doesn't have to say _anything_. Everyone knows. How do you not see it? It's so obvious. Look at the way he cares for you and all the little things he does for you."

"Yeah, he cares for me because he's my best friend."

She lowered her eyes. "Bella, we're his _family_ and we don't even get as much love from him as you do."

I had to force myself to swallow, and I knew my face looked completely sad. "Wait, so…wait. He's in love. With me. With me? Why?"

"'Why'? I don't know. He obviously sees something in you. Bella, if he tells you he loves you, please don't laugh. He'll take it the wrong way. You know he will. I don't know why he's acting  
weird, but I'm guessing something happened between you guys, so think about it. It's obvious that he's been in love with you for a while. His feelings aren't something new, so I don't know  
why he just recently started acting weird."

I knew why. I knew it, but I wasn't going to tell Alice. I didn't want to tell _anyone_. I felt so bad.

He was acting weird because I had rejected him. But he had to know that when I asked him why he'd kissed me, I didn't even think of it as a way of rejecting him. Yes, I was confused and  
surprised, but I really _did_ want him to tell me why he was kissing me. I wanted to know the reason. I wanted him to say that I wasn't like any other casual girl he hooked up with or had sex with.

I wanted him to…tell me he had kissed me because he loved me.

I wanted him to – I wanted him, too.

I suddenly wished Alice wasn't here, because I felt like crying. I didn't know that I was the reason he was acting weird, and I felt guilt wash over me. He was probably so angry at me.

I felt a lump in my throat, and tried to get rid of it. I couldn't cry right now. It was Emmett's day.

I got up and walked into the bathroom to continue putting on my make-up. Even though I knew we had to leave soon, I really didn't feel like going anywhere anymore.

Edward's voice made me jump, and I messed up my eyeliner. "Bella, come on, we're gonna be late!"

"I'm coming!" I answered, fixing the eyeliner. I thanked Alice and said bye. I tried to push all of my feelings away for the time being.

As I was running down the stairs, I saw Edward sitting on the couch, shaking his leg and biting his thumbnail. He seemed nervous about something, but I didn't know what. I don't even think  
I _wanted_ to know, because I was scared that I was the one making him feel uneasy again.

But as much as I was scared to know, I was sad that I rarely knew what was growing through his mind anymore. In addition to being less touchy with me, he spoke less too. Whenever I asked  
him what he was thinking, he would just say, "Nothing." I would try to open up to him to see if it would make him open up, but I didn't even know what to tell him. He already knew everything.

The only other reason I could think of for the way he was acting right now was Emmett.

Em wasn't nervous at all, and I guess Edward felt the need to be twice as nervous as he would normally be. You know what? I'm sure that was the reason. Why would he be nervous because  
of me? I understand if he was mad at me, but it made no sense for him to be nervous.

I'd never really paid attention to what he wore or didn't wear before, but today, I noticed. It bothered me that I noticed, because I couldn't understand why I did. He was wearing regular  
clothes. Nothing special.

He was dressed in a dark red zip-up hoodie and dark-wash jeans. His usually spiky hair had nothing in it to hold it up, so it covered his forehead and stuck out in different spots.

I walked over to him in and stood in front of him, but he was zoning out, as if he was just staring at me. I realized that he hadn't even noticed that I was in the same room as he was.

I stepped closer.

"Edward. Ed…ward?…Edward. EDWARD!"

His mouth fell open and he just looked up at my face, dumbfounded. "Yeah, Bella?"

"Um…Are we going…?"

"Y-Yeah. Let's go."

He was still sitting, so I crouched down in front of him and brought my hand up to his head to fix his unruly hair. He pulled his head away from my hand and I brought my hand down.  
That really hurt, but I didn't say anything.

I knew he wasn't nervous because of Em. As much as I didn't want it to be true, I knew he was acting weird because of me.

"What's wrong? Why are you so nervous? Are you afraid that Emmett might trip or mess up his speech or something?" Well, I wasn't going to bring up whatever this thing between us was.  
We didn't have time to discuss it right now.

He sighed and it hurt me to look at him. "Yeah, I guess I am." I wanted to do whatever it was he wanted. Whatever would make him smile, or at least make him look…less miserable.

Alright. I was definitely having a talk with him when we got back. I had to know what he was thinking, and what he had been thinking for the past three months.

I had to figure out what I was feeling, too. It didn't feel as if I was in love with him, but why did I want him? Maybe because I found him hott? I mean, he _was_ good-looking, that was nothing  
new. And why had I wanted him to tell me he'd kissed me because he loved me? I wouldn't have said it back. Was I that selfish?

I shook the questions out of my head.

I took his hand in mine. He said yes to the question about Emmett, so I had to go along with it. Make everything seem 'normal'.

"Edward, he's seventeen. He knows how to walk. He knows how to speak. I'm sure he can take care of himself. Stop worrying and enjoy this day." I looked up at his green eyes with a smile  
and squeezed his hand, trying to reassure him.

He looked down at me with a strange glint in his eyes for two seconds, before the glint disappeared and he smiled. "You're right, Bells. Let's go." Oh, that _smile_. I don't think I'd ever wanted  
to see it as much as I wanted to at that moment.

He finally stood up, and we walked outside. It was a cloudy day, and I hoped it didn't rain. The ceremony was going to be outside.

We got in the car, and as Edward began driving, I realized that he was driving slower than usual. He had specifically bought this Audi TT just so he could speed.

What a reason to get a car! I mean, must admit that his car was beyond nice, but sometimes I got annoyed when he would ramble on about it. I knew I wasn't in love when I would think  
of his annoying moments. Sometimes, his little quirks _really_ got on my nerves. Like this one time…

_******__We were laying down side by side in my bed one day, while he went on and on about his Audi._

_Seeing the boredom on my face, he turned on his side, hoisted himself up on his elbow and said, "Bellaaa, don't be jealous. You know I love you more."_

_Was he serious right now? "Get real, Eduardo. I'm not jealous of a car."_

_He then started poking at my hips and ribs as I squirmed, knowing how ticklish I was. "Don't call me that!"__******_

When I thought back to it, I realized that as annoyed as I sometimes got, he knew how to make me feel completely better. I missed the times when we would joke around about stupid stuff  
like that. About his car, about food, about movies, about anything.

I really didn't know how I felt. I knew that I was in love with him, but when I thought back to things we used to do together, I felt…weird.

It was going to bug me until I found out what was going on with me, and now I felt bad that I wouldn't be able to enjoy Em's day.

Well, maybe Alice was wrong. Maybe he wasn't in love with me.

If he was, I'm sure he would've told me by now, right? Right.

If he loved me, he should've told me when I asked him why he kissed me. Right? Right.

I kept thinking of reasons why he wasn't in love with me, and the more reasons I thought up, the more I believed it. He couldn't be in love with me. I'd known him for such a long time.  
If something like this was going to happen, it would've happened already. It wouldn't be happening when we were this old.

Right?

Right.

Now that that's over with, let's get back to his car. He would marry this thing if he could.

He loved speeding, and even though it scared me, he almost never slowed down, no matter how much I'd beg him to. He said he loved the adrenaline rush he got, and called it "fun".  
Obviously, sometimes we had different ideas of what 'fun' was.

I let go of all of my thoughts for a minute when I heard him clear his throat. I almost regretted asking him, but I asked without thinking, and it was too late.

"Edward, why are you driving so slowly?"

He raised an eyebrow, looked at me, and smirked.

Oops. "Edward, no! I was just wondering why – " My words got cut off as he pressed his foot on the accelerator and sped off. _*You had to ask, Bella.*_

Knowing I couldn't make him slow down, I just accepted whatever speed he drove with. I was used to it, anyway.

I looked in the distance and I realized that the clouds were parting and the sun was finally starting to show. Edward put on his sunglasses, and I remembered that I had put mine in his  
glove compartment yesterday. I was glad that for this split second, we were acting normal.

When I opened the glove compartment to get my glasses, I jumped and froze at Edward's voice.

"No! You can't look in there!" He reached over and pushed my hand out of the way, shutting the glove compartment before I could get my sunglasses.

Just like that, the 'normal' was over.

"I just wanted my sunglasses…" I said in a small voice.

He sighed. "Sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to snap. Here, you can wear mine."

He handed me his glasses, and I reluctantly took them and put them on. "Why can't I look in there?"

He shrugged. "You just can't."

Gee, what a great reason. "But –"

"Bella," he said in a stern voice. God…another thing that bugged me…when he acted like he was my dad or something.

"Fine," I said sadly. I was more mad than sad, but I wanted him to feel bad and tell me what was in the glove compartment. I'll admit, it was kind of mean, but I was tired of him not telling  
me things anymore.

I knew not to keep asking, so I just turned my head and looked out the window. I watched children playing in their front yard, and it reminded me of my childhood with Edward.

I kept quiet. I was hurt, and I really didn't care if he knew. It might seem as if I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but Edward and I never hid anything from each other.

There were times where we even shared too much information, telling our "private time" moments to each other, making each other cringe. I don't know what he could be  
hiding from me, and it just added on top of the list of things he was doing that were unusual lately.

"Bella."

I didn't respond in any way.

He tried again, a little louder. "Bells, just look at me for a second." Did his face look sad? I hoped it didn't, but I wasn't going to turn my head to check. If I saw him sad, I would give in.

I still sat there looking out the window.

I saw his arm extending toward me, and I felt his fingers under my chin, turning my head toward him.

I had to look at him. I had no other choice. "What, Edward?" I said in a monotone. He was facing the road, but his fingers were still under my chin. He _did_ look sad, but I tried not to let  
him see that it affected me.

"Are you mad?" Even his _voice_ was sad. He was sad because he thought I was mad at him. Again, I made him feel bad. Even if he wasn't in love with me, I _was_ still his best friend. I didn't doubt  
that he still loved me.

I wasn't going to let him know that I felt bad, though. I wasn't going to lose this. "Yes."

"Why? I'm sorry if I hurt you, but don't I have the right to keep some things private?"

It felt so wrong to make this into a game of winning or losing when it was obviously hurting him.

"You do. I just didn't know we were hiding things from each other in our cars now."

He sighed heavily. "We're not. I'll show you what it is another time, okay?"

I forced a smile, and I'm sure he read right through it. "Sure. Can we just forget about it?" I didn't want to have this conversation anymore. As much as I wanted to know what was in there,  
it wasn't worth seeing his face almost as if it was in pain.

We didn't say much after that, but then again, we didn't really say much these days anyway.

We pulled up to the high school, and after Edward parked, he turned to me, his eyebrows pulled together, his face still sad. "You know I love you, right, Bella?"

"I know, Edward. And I love you." I wanted to say more, but what else could I say?

His face lightened up a bit, and we hugged for a minute, before breaking apart and getting out of the car. The hug felt so good. _So_ good, especially since I rarely felt his touch anymore.

Just as we got out of the car, Emmett immediately ran up to us in his gown, with his graduation cap in his hand. "Bro! I'm finally graduating!!"

I had to laugh as he jumped on Edward and knocked the wind out of him.

However, Edward being Edward, he didn't complain, and just laughed as he patted Emmett's back.

We all began walking toward the field on which the graduation was taking place, but Em had to go inside to get ready, so Edward and I were left alone.

We walked up to the field, and spoke about people we saw who we knew.

His parents and sister weren't here yet, so we found a place by the fence in front of the bleachers that separated the bleachers from the field.

I stood in front of the fence and put my hands on top, looking out at the empty chairs and podium. I couldn't believe it had been four years since we'd graduated high school. We graduated  
college last month, and this coming September, we were off to grad school. Again, I couldn't believe it.

I was caught off guard when I felt Edward behind me and his chin on my head. I wished he would wrap his arms around me, but he put them beside me on the fence instead. I didn't  
expect him to wrap them around me, so I wasn't surprised. I_ was_ disappointed, though.

I didn't care, though. This was close enough, and it made me happy. We were making progress, I guess.

He tilted his head down and took in a deep breath.

"Edward…"

"Yeah, bab – Bells."

"Edward, you can call me 'babe.' Or 'baby.' Or whatever you want to. You know that." Why did I have to tell him this?

He hadn't called me anything but 'Bella' or 'Bells' for a while, and I missed it.

His head was still tilted down and he was talking into my hair in a low voice. "Good to know. So, then…can I…put my arms around you?"

I was getting annoyed. I grabbed his hands and took them off the fence, putting them around my waist hastily. "You can do whatever you want to. Why are you asking me?  
You don't have to ask. You know that, too."

He pulled me closer and his voice got even quieter as he moved his head right next to mine, giving me goosebumps when I felt his breath in my ear. "Well, what happened the  
last time I didn't ask and just did whatever I wanted to?"

I hadn't expected him to say that, and when he realized he wasn't getting an answer, he put his chin back on top of my head.

After about a minute, he continued talking. "Can you believe we were on this field not too long ago?"

"I was just thinking the same thing." I tried to keep the conversation going, but my mind kept going back to what he said before. 'What happened the last time I didn't ask…?'  
Why did he have to bring it up? He was definitely mad about it, but we couldn't really talk about it here.

I wrapped my arms around his and played with his fingers. "Edward, can you come over after this so we can talk?"

He lifted his head off of mine, and I could tell he was smiling when he spoke. "Of course, _babe_."

I smiled, too. I couldn't help it. I was glad he was smiling, and it felt so good to hear him call me that. …But I didn't want him to think what I said was a joke in any way. "Edward, I'm serious."

He cleared his throat and made his voice really deep. "Oh, uh, yeah. Me too, me too."

I turned around in his arms, looking up at him. He was looking out at the field, his face as straight as can be, showing no emotion.

I turned my head to look back at the field, and faced him again when I saw nothing there. "What are you doing?"

He still kept his voice deep and continued looking straight ahead. "I'm being serious." He looked like he was called to attention in the army or something.

I brought a finger up and pushed the corner of his mouth up, making it look as if he was smirking. When I let it go, his face went back to being serious.

I stomped my foot. "Edward!"

He looked down, laughing. "I'm just kidding, Bella. Yes, I'll come over."

I smiled and turned back around. "Good."

"Are we gonna…talk about what I didn't ask you about and just did because I wanted to?"

Why did he have to word it like that? "Yeah. We're gonna talk about when we _kissed_. Is that okay?" Seriously, it wasn't a freaking sin or something. If he was going to go to hell,  
it definitely wouldn't be for saying that we 'kissed'.

"Yupp."

He still spoke as if he was joking or something, but I just took it as him being happy, and it made me feel better.

We stood that way for a few more minutes until his family came.

I didn't want him to let me go. I never realized how much I'd missed him, even though he'd been here the entire time. I missed the way he used to act with me, and I was glad that  
things seemed to be going smoothly for now.

As I said, I didn't want him to let go, but he had to. We had to greet his parents and Alice.

When I hugged Alice, she whispered in my ear. "So is everything okay now?"

I pulled back and looked at her. "I don't know. We're gonna talk later."

She nodded, and I was glad she didn't ask anything else.

We all went to sit on the benches, and the graduation went just as I'd expected. Families cheering for whoever was graduating, the principal telling the families to be quiet so he  
could continue calling out the names, valedictorian and salutatorian speeches, etc.

When they called Em's name, we didn't care what the principal said. We screamed for him and cheered him on. When he got his diploma, he turned to the audience, threw his hands  
up, and screamed out, "Yeah!!!"

Edward and I turned to each other and both yelled out "Yeah!!!" We gave each toehr high-fives.

I laughed because I knew Em would get in trouble for what he did later.

After the ceremony, we found Emmett inside with the other graduates, and picked him up so we could leave.

Edward turned to his mom while we were walking to the parking lot. "Ma, I'm gonna go over Bella's."

"Alright, but be back in time for dinner. We're gonna go out to celebrate."

"I know. Bella, wanna come with us later?"

It was a family dinner. I'd feel bad being there. "No, no. It's a family occasion. You guys go –"

Emmett cut in. "Bella, be quiet. You're part of the family. Come on! It's my graduation, and I call the shots. You're coming."

I turned to Carlisle. "Bella, you should come. It would mean a lot to everyone, and you _are_ a part of the family."

When they said things like that, it made me want to give them all big hugs or something.

…I didn't hug them, though. That would've been awkward right now.

Alice, Em, Esme, and Carlisle all went in one car, and Edward and I went in his car.

I was so nervous about the conversation we were going to have at my house.

I pushed my seat back and closed my eyes as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Bells, what are you doing?"

"Resting."

"Oh. Okay."

A few minutes passed…

"So…why are you resting?"

"Because I want to. And because I'm scared." There was no point in hiding my feelings. I was going to let everything out when we had our talk anyway.

"Of what?"

"Of…um…our talk?" I felt bad saying it.

He chuckled. "Bella, come on. Since when have you been afraid to talk to me?"

That's why I felt bad. I didn't want him to think that I felt uncomfortable talking to him.

"I don't know…You can see that things are different between us, right?" I didn't want to explain the ways we were different. I hoped he saw the differences.

"Yeah. But you can still talk to me. Even if things are weird for now, I'm still the same person. I still care. You're not getting rid of me that easily." He smiled with the last sentence.

"Don't say that! I don't wanna get rid of you. And I never thought you didn't care about me. I just…I don't know. I know I shouldn't be nervous or scared, because it's you. But I am.  
It doesn't matter though. Nervous or not, we're having this talk." No matter what, I wasn't going to back out of it.

"Good."

"Good." Good.

We drove the rest of the way in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, and I was thankful for that.

Edward parked in front of his house and we walked to my house. When we walked in the front door, Charlie was watching TV, so we quickly said hi and went upstairs.

When we got to my room, I sat on my bed and Edward sat on my chair, wheeling himself back and forth.

"So, what's up?"

Was he trying to make small talk? I didn't want to prolong this anymore than we already had.

"Nothing. Okay, listen. Okay…"

He stopped pushing the chair back and forth, and picked up my softball from my desk instead. He started throwing it back and forth from hand to hand. "What? Whatever it is, just say it."

I had no idea how to bring it up. I didn't even know where to begin, and what I said next came out so quickly that it sounded like one word. "Alice told me you were in love with me."

_Oh, holy fuck._

I brought my hands up to cover my mouth. That was definitely _not_ how I'd wanted to start this.

He looked confused and put the softball back on my desk, leaning forward and putting his forearms on his legs as he looked at me. "Huh. Really? When?"

"Today. While, um, while I was getting ready at your house."

He was so calm, and I was scared that he was going to yell, but his voice was still calm when he spoke.

"Today…so, what, like, does Alice know what I'm thinking and how I feel? Or did she just pull that out of her ass?"

Why was he being so mean?

When I spoke, my voice was so small. "Um…no, she doesn't know how you feel or what you're thinking. She said everyone knows because of the way you act. But please, Edward.  
Please don't act any differently because of what they think. I know you're not in love with me, so don't get mad." I didn't want him to completely act like we weren't best friends just  
because people thought he was in love with me.

He stood up, and I knew he was going to end the conversation. We hadn't even gotten into anything else. I still wanted to ask him so much.

He was getting defensive. "Why would I act differently? Huh? When have we ever let what others think get in our way?"

My voice was still small, despite the fact that I wanted to speak up. "Never?"

"Exactly."

Um…what else did I want him to know? I still had no clue what to say, so I brought up anything. "When I asked you why you kissed me, I really _did_ want to know. I wasn't trying  
to be mean or anything."

"I know. And I answered you, remember? Just because. Because I wanted to. Haven't you ever seen some random guy and just felt the need to have him right then and there?"

I looked down in my lap. "Um…yeah…" It hurt that he thought of me as some 'random' girl when it came to things like that.

He held his hand out and shook his head. "Oh, and you're right. I'm not."

"You're not what?"

"In love with you." He turned and walked out my door, talking over his shoulder. "Be ready by 6:30, okay?"

I didn't want to go to this dinner. As much as I had told myself before that he wasn't in love with me, I wished he was.

Now I knew for a fact, heard it from his own mouth, that he wasn't. It didn't even seem as if a he gave a crap.

This was what it took to know how I felt. When he told me he wasn't in love with me, I knew that _I_ was in love with _him_.

I heard him say bye to Charlie and heard him open and shut the door.

I walked over to my window and saw him walk out of my house.

He stopped for a second, and I hoped he would turn around and come back inside.

He didn't.

He just kept walking.

He was…what? I thought he was going home to get ready. Instead, he got in his car and drove off.

* * *

**Reviews are the besttt.**


	12. Chapter 11

**The last chapter got the most reviews out of all the chapters. (:**  
**Thanks!!**

**Oh, and I realized that the part in the last chapter where Bella tells Edward what Alice told her was just "." so I fixed it. Sorry about that!**

**The song for this chapter: "Unsaid" by The Fray.**

**_"But suffice it to say_**  
**_ We're leaving things unsaid_**.  
**_ We sing ourselves to sleep_**,  
**_ Watching the day lie down instead_**

**_ And we are leaving some things unsaid_**  
**_ And we are breathing deeper instead_**

**_ We're both pretty sure_**  
**_ Neither one can tell_**  
**_ We seem difficult_**  
**_ What we got is hard as hell_**

**_ A hundred thousand words could not quite explain_**  
**_ So I walk you to your car  
And we can talk it out in the rain."_**

**-JayBee**

**_

* * *

_**

**EPOV**

I was going to kill Alice. Kill her.

I started my car and drove off. I didn't even know where to go. I couldn't be home. I would tear Alice apart. I couldn't be at Bella's. I'd have a breakdown.

Did Alice have any say in this? No, but she thought she did. Who was she to tell Bella how she thought I felt. For all she knew, I acted the way I did with Bella because I cared for  
her as a best friend, and nothing more.

That wasn't the case, but no one knew that. I don't care how strongly they believed that I was in love with her. Whoever thought I was in love with her could have come to ask  
me instead of assuming things.

I just – I couldn't believe she told her! How was she even sure enough to tell her? I wanted to be the one to tell Bella myself.

How was I going to tell her now? I just told her that I wasn't in love with her! What a smart move on my part, right?

I don't know why I didn't just tell her I loved her. I got so scared. I didn't expect her to bring that up out of nowhere. She didn't even ease into it. Oh, and she even told Alice that  
I wasn't in love with her. Did she not want me to be?

For a split second, I noticed there were no cars around me on the highway and looked at my speedometer. 95! Holy crap. I didn't need to get pulled over right now.

I slowed down, and calmed down a bit about this Bella situation.

Until I saw the red and blue lights flashing in my rear-view mirror.

Fuck!! I slammed my hand on my steering wheel and pulled over, immediately locking my glove compartment. _Please, God, don't make him search my car for no fucking reason._

I kind of hoped it was a girl, so I could try to talk my way out of a ticket. But then again, female cops were always bitches. Sometimes they were even worse than the guys.

When I looked in my rear-view mirror, I saw it was a guy. After the cop came up to my window and did his usual bullshit talking, I handed over my driver's license and registration.  
He went back to his car for a while and came back.

"Do you know you have 8 points on your license?"

Of course I fucking know, dumbass. Who do you think was driving the car when the points were given? "Yes."

"Sir, please step out of the vehicle."

"Why?" What the fuck? Just give me my ticket so I can be on my not-so-merry way.

"Get out."

What a dick. Whatever. I didn't want problems for no reason, so I just got out.

And…he was searching my car. He was searching my fucking car! For what? I didn't even do anything!

Holy shit…I was beyond angry. I was breathing heavily through my nose. I hope he didn't hear it, because I wasn't doing it on purpose. I couldn't help it. I was pissed.

I saw him try to open my glove compartment, and he looked up at me when he saw that it was locked. _Please, please, don't ask me to unlock it. Please._

"Yer glove compartment's locked."

Duh. Bitch. "I know."

"Can I ask _why_?"

No, you can't ask _why_. It's a secret. "I'm allowed to have it locked, right?" You can't have me unlock it without a reason.

"Are ya getting' fresh with me, son?"

Shut the _fuck up_. Holy hell. "No, sir."

He didn't say anything else, so I relaxed. He just kept searching. If he hit Emily and hurt her with that flashlight in his hand, shit was gonna go down in the middle of the highway.

He finally stopped searching and told me I could get back in as he walked back to his car.

He came back and gave me my ticket. "Son, I'm not givin' ya any points, alright? Juss the ticket. I better not catch you speeding no more."

Or what? Empty threats, as always.

I grabbed the ticket – well, snatched it – out of his hand. "Thank you."

I drove off slowly and found the first U-Turn I could to get back home.

I didn't want to drive anymore after that crap.

I couldn't even take a ride without something bad happening.

Whatever. What's done is done. I couldn't go back in time and _not_ speed. No point in thinking about it anymore.

I had to focus on tonight's dinner.

Should I act like nothing had happened just before between Bella and me?

Or should I have a talk with her?

Again, I didn't know. I didn't know what to do, which seems to be the case whenever I've had to deal with Bella recently.

No, that sounded bad. I didn't want to complain about 'dealing' with her. I was more than happy to be able to work things out whenever we needed to, but sometimes, I let my  
anger get the better of me. I couldn't help it. Whenever I felt an argument coming up, I would tell myself to keep calm, but that would all go out the window when the actual argument  
would take place. And then, of course, I would regret it.

Like I did right now.

I couldn't act like nothing had happened. Not with Bells. We already tried that once. It didn't work – well, we were able to do it for three months. But look where we were now. I had  
to think before I acted around her, and I hated that.

We should have settled this three months ago. Then at least by now, she would've let me know if she doesn't feel the same way I do and we could've gone on with our lives.

But…I didn't want to go on with my life without her, and I don't care how pathetic that sounded.

I finally pulled up in front of my house, turned my car off, and rubbed the steering wheel.

"Sorry I hit you before, Emily."

I was hurting everyone around me. Even my freaking car.

I got out and walked up my walkway, turning my head to see if Bella was home. She was. Well, I wasn't surprised. Why wouldn't she be?

I hadn't turned my head to see if she was home. I just told myself that. I checked to see if she was outside, so I could see her.

I walked in my front door and said hi to my parents, then went upstairs, ready to talk to Alice.

When I got upstairs, I didn't bother knocking on her door. I didn't care. She didn't need a warning that I was coming in.

I opened the door and she jumped, which I expected. She was just sitting on her bed listening to music on her iPod.

"Edward, you scared me…"

"Sorry. Alice, I have to talk to you, like, now." Why the hell was she sitting there in a bra?

"Um…okay. Could you give me a sec?"

"No, it can't wait. I have to say what I have to say."

"O…kay?"

"Wait. Why are you sitting here in a bra?"

"I can't be comfortable in my own room? Like, you didn't even knock. I would've put a shirt on if you did."

I shrugged. "Whatever. I don't care." Really, it didn't freaking matter.

I just went right into what I wanted to stay. "Why did you tell Bella I was in – what was that?" I turned my head to the side, toward the closet that was behind me.

"What?"

"You didn't hear that?"

"Hear _what_?"

I walked over to her closet and opened the door. Oh, would you look at that? Brian. In _boxers_. And nothing else.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him out, pushing him toward Alice. "_This_. What the hell is this?"

"We weren't doing –"

Ew. "Arghh! No, Alice! I don't wanna hear what you were and weren't doing. You're in your bra and he has nothing but boxers on. I think that explains enough." Disgusting.  
I liked this kid less and less each time I saw him.

"Edward! Don't tell mom and –"

I couldn't believe I had to deal with this right now. "Do they know he's here?"

"Yeah. He's coming to dinner with us."

Why the fuck was he coming to dinner? I turned to Brian and gave him a hard look. "Can you leave for a second? I wanna talk to my sister. Alone."

He turned to leave, but Alice grabbed his wrist. "No, Brian. Stay." She turned toward me. "If you're gonna say something to me, you can say it in front of Brian."

I walked to the closet, saw his clothes on the floor, and grabbed them. I walked back to him and shoved theclothes into his chest. "Get out of the room. Now."

"Edward! It's _my_ room! And you're not dad!" I hated when she said that. Same with Bella. Always with the 'dad' thing.

Wow. This girl wouldn't give up. I knew she was stubborn, but was she really in any position to argue right now?

"Oh, do mom and dad need to know it's your room too?" I took in a deep breath as if I was going to call them upstairs. "MOOO –"

Alice closed the space between us and put her hand over my mouth. "Alright! Fine!" She slowly brought her hand down.

I wouldn't have done it. I just wanted to scare her, not get her in trouble. I just wanted this kid out of the room.

She walked over to Brian and pouted as he bent down and gave her a peck on the lips. I had to look away.

"Sorry, baby. Just wait in Edward's room."

I whipped my head back around toward them as he started walking out, clothes in hand. I didn't want him in my room, but I wasn't going to start a fight over this.

"Hey. Don't _touch _anything." I didn't want this idiot touching and looking through my stuff.

After he left, Alice closed the door behind him and went to get a shirt from her closet. She put it on and sat on her bed as I went to sit on her chair.

"So…what do you wanna talk about?"

Well, I would've brought up Bella first if all this crap didn't just happen. But now I had other stuff on my mind too.

I leaned forward and put my arms on my knees. I whispered, in case Brian could hear me, and held my hand out toward the door. "Why is he coming to dinner? It's a family dinner."

She shrugged. "Bella's coming, right? Well, so is Brian."

What did Brian have to do with Bella? His position in this family was nowhere near Bella's position. He didn't even _have_ a position in this family.

"Bella's family, Alice. Brian isn't. And Bella's your friend."

"Who says he's not family? You? Oh, and I'm sure you want Bella to go just because she's 'part of the family'." She put up air quotes with her fingers as she said the last part.

Wow. She really knew how to push my damn buttons. Her sarcasm was getting to me.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I knew what she was trying to say. I just wanted to hear her actually say it.

She snapped at me. "You know what I'm talking about, Edward! Everyone knows what I'm talking about. Mom, dad, Em, even Brian! I don't know how Bella hasn't figured it out…"

"She has! Thanks to you, she _has_ figured it out! Why would you fucking tell her I'm in love with her?" I could feel my anger rising again, and I hoped that I wouldn't let it take over this time.

"Because you're not gonna do it and she deserves to know."

"How are you even so sure I'm in love with her? Maybe I just really care for her as a friend." Okay, _obviously_ I wasn't trying to convince Alice that I didn't love Bella. I don't think it's  
possible to change her mind that easily.

"That's what she said. That you care for her as a best friend. She even asked why you would be in love with _her_. It was like she was asking why you would choose her out of everyone.  
I didn't know what to tell her, so I said you probably saw something in her. You _do_ see something special in her, right? I mean…" She stopped for a second. "Wow. Wow. I could be so  
wrong about all of this." She started looking around the room and rambling on and on. "Maybe you do care for her only as a best friend. Oh, my God, Edward. Sorry! I shouldn't have told  
her without being sure –"

"Alice, stop." Whoa. Was Alice second-guessing herself? I never thought I'd see the day.

Still sitting on the chair, I hung my head low and mumbled what I said next. "I am. You're not wrong about anything. I am in love with her. And I do see something special in her.  
Not som – not _something_ special. Everything about her is special. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know what to do, but it's killing me inside."

She sat down again, but I didn't look up. "Oh." I knew she didn't know what to say, and as much as I wanted her to tell me what to do, I wasn't angry or anything. She got up and sat  
on the floor in front of me. "So why didn't you tell her?"

I finally looked at her. "Well, did I get a chance? You told her before I could."

"You weren't going to tell her. Or you would've told her in like ten years when she was married with kids or something."

Sometimes, it amazed me how well she knew me. It shouldn't have, because she was my sister, but it still did. She was right. I would've waited until it was too late, and then Bella  
would probably get mad that I had held something from her and hadn't told her earlier.

"So, why did you lie to her about it?"

How did she know? "How do you know I lied to her?"

"Well, I'm guessing she told you what I said and that's how you found out. You wouldn't be here right now if you told her you were in love with her."

"Yes I would be. She would've rejected me again and I'd be in the same place I am now."

"Again?"

_Fuck_. I sighed. "Yeah…again." I didn't want to explain anything I didn't have to. It was embarrassing.

"What happened?"

I looked down again, and my voice was really low. "I, um…I, um…I kissed her."

She was trying to hide her shock, but I saw it. "When?"

"Like three months ago."

"Ohhh! That makes sense. You know that she asked me why you were acting weird recently? I'm guessing the kiss is why you're acting weird. So what happened after? I'm gonna take  
a wild guess and say it didn't end well." She shifted her position as her eyes got wide and she was half-smiling. What the hell? It was like she was getting ready to watch a movie or  
something. I swear, I don't think I could ever understand why girls loved secrets and gossip so much. I didn't bother asking. I couldn't get off track again. I told her. Everything.

I needed someone to just listen, and I couldn't tell Bella right now, so I needed someone else. I was glad that someone was Alice.

It felt weird going into this much detail with her, but I didn't hold back. I had to let someone know, and now was the perfect time. I had been holding this in for too long. I let everything  
out and she listened without interrupting for a long while, which I was really thankful for.

When I spoke, even _I_ could hear the sorrow in my voice, and it got worse as I went on, but I couldn't help it.

"The kiss went well. What happened after…didn't. She…kissed me back at first, but then she stopped and asked me why I kissed her. Who asks why? I mean, there's obviously a reason  
why I did it. I thought she knew the reason and I thought she felt the same way because she was kissing me back. I didn't know if she really wanted to know or if she was saying it  
like, 'Well, why are you kissing me?' or something, so I just said, 'Just because' and asked if we should act like the kiss didn't happen and she agreed. That's when things started getting  
weird between us. We should've talked about it that day. I'm such a dumbass. Why would I even suggest that?! I wish I'd just told her why I actually did it! I should've – I don't know, Alice.  
I should've just asked her before I kissed her or something. And then right after Em's graduation, I went over her house because she wanted to talk, and that's when she told me that  
you told her I was in love with her, but I got mad so I guess she took it the wrong way and that's when she told me not to act differently because of what people thought. Ugh!!!  
She didn't want me to act any weirder because I'm already acting weird!"

Realization dawned on me. "Oh, my God. And I asked her why I would act differently, but I didn't stop to think  
that I'm already acting strange…just because I kissed her and it didn't go perfectly. You know, I got mad at her. For telling me not to act differently. But I don't blame her for thinking I  
wouldn't act the same way as before, because I'm already acting weird around her. Because I thought she would have a problem with me being too close with her after what happened.  
And she even let me know that she _actually_ wanted to know why I kissed her! And I fucked it up again! _Again_! I fucking said, 'Just because' again. She just asked me at her house and I told  
her that she already knew why I had kissed her, 'just because'. I asked if she'd ever seen some random guy and just wanted him right then and there! She looked so hurt. Did she think I  
was calling her a slut or something? Goddamn! I can't even think of her being that way! Ever. Even if she isn't in love with me, I don't want her to think that she's some random girl that I  
wanna use or something. I don't want her to think of herself so low. She's so much better than any girl I've ever been with. I don't even deserve her. Holy shit. Holy shit. It was my second  
chance to tell her how I felt after Em's graduation and I ruined it again. So then after that, I…I went for a ride and then I – I fucking got a speeding ticket and when I came here –"

"Edward, breathe. And huh? What ticket? Don't worry about that right now."

I had no idea if anything I'd just said made any sense to Alice.

I hadn't realized that I'd moved from the chair until I felt Alice's arm on mine. I was on the floor in front of her, with my knees bent up, my arms on top of my knees, and my  
cheek resting on my arms. I was just staring at the wall.

I picked my head up, took a deep breath, and let it out.

"What should I do?" As childish as it was, I wanted someone to give me the answers. I didn't want to think about what I could and couldn't do anymore.

"Well…What do you _want_ to do?"

I thought about it for a few seconds. "Let her know…about how I feel."

"So do it."

"What if she doesn't think of me that way and she's mean about it?"

"Ha! Edward, listen to what you're saying and who you're talking about. Would Bella ever be mean to you? Ever?"

I threw my hands in the air and I knew I looked mad. "_Yeah_! She yelled at me when I sat on her once!"

She gave me a look and I knew I was being stupid. "Well, then, don't sit on her! Edward, come _on_. What's the worst that could happen? In reality."

"Okay, fine. I know she won't be mean about it…but what if she doesn't love me that way?"

"Then you move on and hope things work out. I know it sounds mean and it's not what you wanna hear, but you can't force her to be in love with you. Even if she's not in love with  
you, you know she loves you a lot."

"It's not mean, it's true. But I don't wanna watch her get older and marry someone else. I don't even wanna see her with another guy." I didn't even wanna think about it.

She sighed. "Edward, what do you want? Do you want her?"

Was that a trick question? "Um…yeah?" I cleared my throat. "Yeah. Definitely."

"Then go get her. Just let her know how you feel. Don't worry about what she's gonna say until she actually says it. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, at least she'll know how  
you feel and you'll be relieved. You won't have to hold your feelings in anymore. Look at you. You're a mess. Did you hear yourself before? It was scary. I'm sorry to say it, but it was.  
You know she won't be mean or make you feel uncomfortable, so I say just do it."

I stood up, but sat back down when I realized she wasn't done talking.

"And stop acting weird around her. I don't know exactly what you're doing or not doing, but stop."

I nodded and stood up again. She stood up as well. I realized I hadn't let my anger from the beginning take over this time, that it had somehow disappeared during the conversation.

I had to hug her. I had to. I didn't know how else to let her know how thankful I was.

She was so short – her head barely reached my chest – and it made me laugh. "Allice, thank you so much. I don't think you know how much this means to me."

"No problem. Remember when we were young and I had to look after Emmett for like fifteen minutes while mom ran an errand? When he was yelling at me and being mean and then  
you yelled at him? You told him that I was older and that he had to respect me. Thank you. For that. I don't think I ever really thanked you."

It was strange that she would bring that up, but of course I remembered. I had picked him up and threatened to throw him out of his bedroom window that day. "Anytime. You don't  
have to thank me for stuff like that. It's part of my duties as a brother. And I knew you appreciated it."

"Well, same with this situation."

I smile at her and let her go. "Can you not tell anyone about this?"

"Of course. No problem."

I gave her a look to make sure she didn't tell _anyone_.

Her eyes got wide. "Edward, I promise! I won't tell anyone. Not even Bella."

I smiled. "Good. _I _wanna be the one to tell her about everything that's going on." I turned and walked toward her door.

"Where are you going?"

I turned back around. "To get ready. We have to leave soon."

"Are you gonna tell her how you feel?"

"Yeah. Tonight after dinner."

She smiled. "And if it doesn't go exactly the way you planned it…?"

Well, I wasn't gonna ask Bella if she wanted to act like nothing happened this time.

"Life goes on. Thanks again."

I turned and walked out. I had a good feeling about tonight.

When I got to my room, I stopped in my doorway and made a face.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about Brian. He was sitting on my floor, looking around my room.

I started walking toward my closet, trying to figure out what to wear.

Without turning around to look at him, I spoke. "Get out. And Alice's door better stay open."

I heard him get up and leave. When I heard Alice's door close, I dropped whatever I was doing and walked toward her room.

I opened the door without knocking, and they were sitting on her bed talking. I gave him a hard look. "I just said that this door better stay open."

I walked away and stopped in case the door closed again. When it didn't, I continued walking

I couldn't wait to see Bella in a little bit.

And I couldn't wait to tell her how I felt after dinner.

* * *

**Oooh, what do you think will happen?**

**Sorry if you guys were expecting Edward and Bella to have a talk or something in this chapter!**  
**I know some of you are sick of waiting, but I don't wanna rush into things. I hope you're not too maddd.**

**And did you guys see the new Eclipse trailer? What did you think about it?? It looks like this  
one is gonna be so much better than the first two.  
**

**On another note, reviews make me want to update quicker, so at least you guys have some control in my updates, right?**

**Thanks again!**


	13. Chapter 12

**Sorry I took so long to update. I had final exams at school. But now I'm done. =)**  
**And I'm happy with my gradesss.**

**So here's the next chapter! I hope you guys like it!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**EPOV**

I wore Bella's favorite t-shirt and khaki shorts, put on a zip-up hoodie over my shirt, slipped my feet into my flip-slops, and got my phone from my desk to call Bella.

She picked up after two rings. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bells. You almost ready? We're gonna leave in like twenty minutes." I waited a few seconds. Did she hang up? "Bella?"

"Yeah. I'm here. …Edward, I don't really feel like going."

What? Why? She had to come. "What? Really? …Why?" I didn't really wanna sound sad, but I couldn't help it.

"I don't know…"

"Bells, come on. My family wants you to come. And so do I." She didn't say anything. "…Please?"

"You didn't sound like you wanted me to come before. If you're not in a great mood, I don't wanna make it worse. And I don't want dinner to be awkward or anything. It's Emmett's  
big day." She didn't sound accusing, but I still felt bad. I didn't mean to let my anger get her down before.

"I was being stupid, like always. I wasn't mad at you, I promise. I was just mad at…the way things happened. I'm sorry. I always let my anger out on you. I'll try to stop. Anyway, come  
with us. Okay? It won't be awkward. Besides, Brian's coming and someone needs to hold me back so I don't murder him."

I relaxed a bit when I heard her laugh. "Edward, I can't hold you back. You're like triple my size! …Okay, I'll come. What should I wear? Are we going anywhere fancy?"

I smiled when I heard her say she was coming. "No, no. We're going to Friday's. Wear whatever you want to." It was funny that she said she couldn't hold me back. She obviously didn't  
know the power or control she had over me.

"Alright, good. I'll be there in ten minutes. Bye, Eddie." I could tell she was smiling.

I had to laugh at that.

I sighed. "You know what? I'm not even gonna say anything. I'll see you in a few." I hung up and went downstairs to watch TV while everyone got ready.

When Bella came over, no one was ready yet, so she sat next to me on the couch. She took the remote from the table, and without even asking, changed the channel.

I held my hand up. "Uh…Bella."

She kept staring at the screen. "I'm sorry! But 'Blood Diamond' is on and I wanna see Leonardo DiCaprio."

I just sighed and sat there, watching the movie. I liked the movie, but I didn't feel like watching it right now. Especially with Bella swooning over this guy.

"Oh, my God. His accent is amazing. And those eyes. Isn't his accent amazing? Like, any accent he has to do for any movie, he nails it. How? He does it so well that you wouldn't even  
know he's American.

I swear, sometimes she did this shit just to piss me off. I couldn't even yell. What was I going to say? 'Bella. Stop talking about him. I'm getting jealous.' Who the hell says that?

I just sat there and looked at her. She just kept watching the movie and finally turned to me when she realized I was staring.

"What?"

I kept a straight face as I spoke. "Oooh, yeah. That accent. Those eyes. Sexy." I turned back to the movie.

"Haha…ha. You're funny." I expected her to be sarcastic, so I didn't really get mad at her response. Besides, I asked for it.

She took her shoes off, lied down on her stomach and stretched her legs across my lap. When I wrapped my fingers around her ankles, I realized she was wearing shorts, and her legs  
seemed so long. And…damn. Damn. Her…upper thighs.

Okay. I couldn't say _ass_. This was my Bella. It sounded weird when I thought, '_Damn_. Bella's ass.' I forced my eyes away, rubbing her ankles and –

"Bella? Why do you smell like my cologne?"

She laughed. "I'm wearing your sweater. I found it on the floor in the room…and it's comfy."

I looked up at her. She was wearing my hoody? I hadn't even noticed. As weird as it sounded, I liked it when she wore my clothes. Also, I loved when we were like this, just lying down  
with her legs or her head in my lap. Okay, that head in my lap part sounded dirty, but you know what I mean.

And then, of course…I couldn't enjoy it a bit longer. Everyone was ready. Alice and Brian came down the stairs first, and Bella sat up.

"Hey, Bella! Edward, dad said to start his car. And you don't have to take yours because we're all gonna go in one car."

Bella and I got up to walk out. "Yes! We're going with your dad's car? I love his car!"

Audi Q7. As much as I loved my dad's car too, I would never trade it for my baby Emily.

After I turned on the car, I turned on the radio. Bella and I got in the third row of seats so that everyone had room to sit in front.

We sat there waiting for everyone to come out of the house, while Bella read some random pamphlet of Hawaii she found, and I looked out the window.

When everyone came out and got in the car, we finally left. The ride was pretty quiet, and the only sounds were the radio and Alice and Brian quietly talking to each other. Bella and I didn't  
talk much, but it wasn't awkward.

I was glad we called ahead for seating, because we only had to wait five minutes to be seated when we got there. We sat at a round table. Bella sat to my left, and Em to my right.

Things went well at first. We got some appetizers, and ordered our entrees. It was when our entrees got here that things got weird. Alice got chicken fajitas, and they were the  
'make-your-own' kind, so the chicken strips weren't in the tortilla yet. Well, Brian decided he wanted to feed Alice, so he did…picking up the chicken and dangling it over her mouth while  
she ate it.

I guess they decided that wasn't enough to piss me off, because she did the same to him. And he stuck her finger in his mouth.

In. His. Mouth.

Was I the only one seeing this? I turned to my parents. They were talking to each other, oblivious to what was going on. Emmett was too busy shoving his hamburger into his mouth to  
even look up.

I jumped a little bit when I felt a hand squeeze my upper thigh.

I saw Bella turn to me, and I turned my head to look at her.

"Edward. Stop it."

Still facing her, I put my elbows onto the table, bringing my hands together in front of my face. "Stop what? I'm not doing anything." I turned back around and continue eating, but when  
Brian kept doing dumb shit, I couldn't take it anymore. I turned to Bella again. "Do you not see them? Am I seeing things?"

"Yes, I see them, okay? Oooooh, he's kissing her neck. Wow. What a sin."

I squinted my eyes at her. "Didn't you see when her finger was in his mouth?"

"Um…yeah. I did. Who cares, Edward? You don't care when _we _do stupid stuff like that. Would anyone else care if we did that crap? No. Just leave them be. They're gonna do it whether  
you get like it or not." She squeezed my thigh again, trying to be reassuring, but I moved her hand down to my knee. Her hand was too high, and I didn't need to be pitching a tent at the table.

After a few seconds, she removed her hand, because…well, obviously she needed it to eat.

I looked down at my plate and wondered why I'd ordered this huge hamburger again. I could never finish it.

I put my hand over my stomach and sat back in my chair, speaking heavily. "Bella…eat my fries. I can't eat anymore."

She shook her head. Well, I hadn't expected her to say yes. "You eat 'em. I'm so full. Or take them home. You'll be hungry later."

I had to smirk at that. Even though it didn't surprise me, I loved how she knew that I would get hungry later on.

She was shaking her leg, and the entire table was shaking.

"Bells, you're shaking the table."

"Sorry, sorry. My legs are just cold."

Well, you shouldn't have worn shorts that short. "Here." I unzipped my hoodie and handed it to her, which she draped over her legs.

"Thanks. You're not gonna get cold?"

I just shrugged. "Nah, whatever." I'd rather be cold than have you be cold.

We all sat and talked for a little while longer, and finally left after paying. I was so nervous. I couldn't believe I was going to try to tell her how I felt when we got back.

I'm saying 'try', because seriously, I'm nervous to the point where I might chicken out.

The car ride back was really quiet, probably because everyone was too full to have a conversation.

When we got back and everyone went inside, I stayed outside with Bella.

"This was good. I'm glad I came. And it was kind of funny seeing you mad and not being able to do anything about it."

I smiled. "I'm glad you came, too. And Bella, that wasn't funny."

"Sorry, but it was. It's always funny when you get worked up over small stuff. You get this weird look on you face."

"What? No, I don't!"

She started laughing. "You're doing it right now! Your face!"

I straightened my face as best as I could. "Okay, fine. I do make a face. But I don't do it on purpose. It just…happens."

"That's why it's funny!" When she saw my expression, she brought her hands up, squished my cheeks together, and smiled. "Aww, it's okay. I love your face. Every expression on it,  
no matter what it looks like."

I wanted to tell her that I loved hers too, but I couldn't do it without pouring my heart out…and I didn't want to do that outside.

I brought her hands down and cocked my head toward my house. "Do you wanna come in for a little bit? It's only…" I checked my phone. "…a quarter to nine."

"Yeah, sure. …I'll race you!" She started running before she even finished her sentence.

When she tried to turn the doorknob and run in, BAM, she ran into the door. The door was locked, and her body hitting it made such a loud sound in the quiet night.

Holy _shit_! I started cracking up, bending over with my arms over my stomach.

"Hahaha! Oh, my God, Bella! What the heck was that?"

When she spoke, her voice was muffled, and I calmed my laughing enough to look over at her. Her hands were covering her mouth and nose. "Edward, it's not funny!" Shit.

"Oh crap. Did you hurt yourself? Lemme see." I walked over and brought her hands down from her face and looked to see if she was bleeding or anything. "What did you hit?"

"My nose. Is it bleeding?"

I didn't see any blood, but it was dark out, so I took her head in my hands and turned it in different directions to check her face.

"I don't…see anything. But…" I kept looking.

"But what?"

I brought her face back to its regular position and looked at her, keeping my hands in their place. "I never realized how big your nose was."

Her face fell and her eyes got wide. "What? What? Are you kidding or are you serious?"

I had to laugh. She was panicking, and for no reason. She knew what her nose looked like. It was nowhere near big.

"Bells, I'm just kidding. You're so funny." I brought her face closer to mine and…

…kissed her nose. Come on…you didn't think I'd kiss her right now, did you?

"It's not funny."

"Sure it's not. Just like it's not funny when I get worked up over small things."

She gave me a look, because hell yeah, I got her and she couldn't argue.

"Your nose is fine. Perfect, in fact. It's the nose of all noses. The queen bee. You see this curve right here?" I ran my index finger from the middle of her eyebrows to the tip of her  
nose. "It's perfect."

She brought my hand down, held it in hers, and smiled. "You're such a loser. My nose is the '_queen bee_'?"

I shrugged. "I tried."

"And you succeeded. Thank you. That's one of the reasons why I love you."

I couldn't even explain how much I loved it when she said things like that. I started walking toward the house and she followed. "Why? Because I use corny phrases?"

"No. Well, yeah. That too. But I love when you try to make me feel better."

"Ah, well…thank you. I like making you feel better."

We were in my foyer, and I didn't see anyone around.

"Mom!"

I heard her voice come from the basement door. "We're all in the basement!"

They were probably watching a movie.

I turned to Bella. "I'm gonna get a soda. Do you want one?"

She started walking toward the stairs. "No, I'm good. I'm just gonna wait upstairs. Thanks."

I was glad she didn't want to stay down here. I didn't want anyone to walk in on us when I was telling Bella everything. "Do you want an ice pack for your nose?"

She was already halfway up the stairs. "No, but thanks. The pain is mostly gone already."

I walked into the kitchen and stood there for a minute. I didn't want any soda. I didn't want anything. I just needed some time to think about how to tell her what I wanted to  
tell her. I couldn't put it off anymore. I decided to just do whatever felt right. I couldn't plan every single detail. No matter how I said it, the same thing would be said.

Oh, my God. I was terrified. I was going to tell her I was in love with her. She was upstairs. She had no clue what was about to happen.

I had to do it as soon as possible. I was sick of waiting.

As I walked toward the stairs, my nerves got the better of me, and _fuck_, I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't want to prolong telling her anymore!

When I got upstairs, I checked on Bella. She was in my room watching TV and she didn't see me. I quickly turned and went into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and  
took a few deep breaths. _Why are you making this a big deal? Just pee and go tell her._

I turned to go pee, and finally relaxed. It felt like I spoke to Alice such a long time ag –

The door opened and I froze as I whipped my head to the side.

Oh, my fucking God. Bella.

I quickly turned my body to the side to cover myself as she closed the door.

I looked down. Fuck! I peed on the fucking floor! "Fuck!" I turned back around to finish.

…And the door flew open again. "Edward? Are you ok –"

This time I didn't even turn to cover myself. At this point, I was pissed. I just turned my head to her. "Bella, get the fuck out!" What the fuck? I think it was embarrassing enough  
when she first came in. No need for a freaking repeat.

After I finally finished, I bent down to clean the floor.

Oh, my God. Did she see my dick? Definitely. Why, God? Why? Why do ten million different things have to go wrong at once?

I heard her speak from behind the door and froze again. "Ohmigod. Edward, I swear I didn't see it – anything! I swear I didn't see anything."

She just – did she just say she didn't see 'it'? She definitely saw. Damn. What if she thought it was ugly? Why couldn't she see it some other time? Like…I don't know…when I wasn't  
fucking peeing.

I finished cleaning, washed my hands, and unwillingly got out, shutting the lights and turning to go to my room.

Bella was back in the same position she was before, watching TV. She glanced at me when I walked in and quickly looked back at the TV.

She was sitting on the floor with her back against my bed, and I lied down on my bed, on my stomach with my head behind hers. We watched TV like that for a few minutes, but I knew  
she wasn't paying attention to what was on the screen. I wasn't paying any attention either. I was thinking about whether or not I should tell her about my feelings.

I was positive that I would do it tonight, but I wasn't so sure if I should do it right now. I didn't know how to bring it up, and she wasn't even talking. And then the whole bathroom  
thing had to happen. And – damn, her hair smelled amazing.

I had to break the silence, and I knew my voice sounded tense when I spoke. "Bella?"

She turned around so that we were face-to-face, and I relaxed when she smiled. "Yeah."

"Sorry. You know…when I yelled at you just before and told you to get out. I was just…I didn't expect you to walk in...especially a second time."

"It's okay. I understand. Really. And sorry I walked in. Twice. But the first time was to look at my nose in the mirror because the lighting is better than it is in your room. And then the  
second time, I thought you got hurt or something because you cursed -"

"I peed on the floor."

She bit the inside of her cheek and I knew she was trying not to laugh. "What?"

"That's why I cursed."

"Why?"

I just said because I peed on the floor. "I just told you."

She finally cracked, and laughed. "I mean, how did you end up peeing on the floor?"

"I turned away when you opened the door! Bella, it's not funny. God…I should've locked the freaking door."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I'm just picturing it happen…and it's so funny!"

I sat up and scooted back to lean against the backboard of the bed, crossing my legs. She sat in front of me. "Bellaaa, don't picture it!" Wow. Humiliation to the max.

She laughed again. "I can't help it! You shouldn't have turned away, and I wouldn't be laughing right now."

"Yes, you would. You would've seen E…" Shit, I hope she didn't catch that.

She leaned forward. "Seen…? What? Your dick?" …aaand she pointed at it. God, this just got worse and worse.

I looked down in my lap. "Yeah."

"Wait. What did you call it? Well, what were you about to call it?"

Okay, guys named their dicks, right? So I could tell her. It wouldn't be that weird. I looked back up. "Eddie. Sometimes Ed…"

"Eddie?" And then…she figured it out. I knew she did when she gasped and pointed at me. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God! That's why you don't want anyone calling you any nicknames!  
Right? Right?" She smiled, turned her head, and looked at me sideways. "Eddie…haha…you just give it nicknames of your name. That's cute. …Well…tell Eddie…he's pretty."

My face dropped and I felt my cheeks burning from embarrassment. "You said you didn't see."

She shrugged. "Ehhh…I lied so you wouldn't feel bad."

I moved so that I could lie down, and faced away from her. She lied down behind me, facing my back.

"Edward, can you turn around?"

I didn't respond, mostly because I was completely embarrassed, and partly because I knew I had to tell her how I felt soon or I wouldn't get to do it tonight. This entire conversation  
we just had dragged it on even longer. It would've been over by now, and I would've known if she felt the same way or not.

"Edward?" She grabbed my hip and turned me so that I was lying on my back.

She was on her side, propped up on one arm, and I turned my head to look at hers.

I looked in her eyes and wished she could read my thoughts so I wouldn't have to do this. I could tell from her expression that she realized things had gotten serious. "Bella, I have to  
tell you something."

She looked away. Everywhere on my face, on my body, everywhere except my eyes. "Okay. But can I say something first?"

"Yeah."

"Please…don't be embarrassed or anything. I mean, it's no big deal that I saw. Honestly. I've seen…others. And you know that. So really, it's nothing big. I mean, I'm not saying _it's_ not big."  
She gestured toward my crotch with her hand. "I mean, I'm not saying – I mean – I don't know." She fell onto her back and started playing with her hands, blushing.

This time, I propped myself up and laid on _my_ side, looking at her. She was so adorable.

I let out a small laugh. "Bella, it's fine. Thank you for trying to comfort me, but don't worry. What happened has happened, and I guess it really was no big deal."

I just looked down at her, and wondered how to bring up what I wanted to say.

At that moment, she looked so…vulnerable.

You know how most people learn from their mistakes? Well, I guess I'm not one of those people, because next thing I knew, I was kissing her.

I kept telling myself to stop, but I couldn't. I should've asked her before I did it. Fuck, I couldn't even enjoy the damn kiss. My head was swimming with all the things I'd done wrong. What  
she would think of me now?

The kiss wasn't forceful at all, and I liked it. I liked that it was soft and slow.

Shit, I shouldn't be liking this at all. How could I do this again?

She had to push me away. I wouldn't stop any other way. I was praying for her to stop this, but I wanted it so badly.

She finally pushed at my chest, the way she had last time. I secretly wished she would ask me why I did it again, because this time I was ready to give an honest answer.

"Edward, stop. What the hell are you doing? I don't wanna be one of your _girls_."

My heart dropped at her words, and I put my forehead on the pillow next to her head, thinking about what she said. Why the emphasis toward the end of the sentence? She didn't have to  
rub it in. She could've just said that she didn't want me to do it.

I guess she wasn't finished, because she continued. And as much as I didn't want to listen, I did.

"I don't wanna be someone you kiss just because you feel like it at that moment. That you kiss for no reason, or 'just because'. I understand you can get any girl you want, and fine. Whatever.  
That's great for you. I don't wanna be one of them. Why would I want to be?"

I didn't say anything. What could I say? I ruined everything without even letting her know how I felt.

She continued. Her voice was calm, and I was glad she wasn't yelling, but when she spoke, my heart sank even further, because she had read my actions completely wrong.

"Why would I wanna get used? And…how could you even think of me that way? What the hell? I care so much for you…I would've thought that you would at least care a little more for me  
than to just use me. A little bit more than you do for the girls you randomly hook up with. I see you with the people you actually date. You treat them so nicely. I thought that you would at  
least have _some_ of that respect for me, even just as a friend."

I had to stop her. I couldn't listen to this anymore. I turned my head to the side and looked at her. "What? Why wouldn't – how could you think all those things? Where did you even get the  
idea that I thought of you as one of those girls? And that I don't respect you? You're above all of those girls…on such a different level that they can't even compare to you. Why would you  
think any differently?"

"Because of you."

I raised my eyebrows. What? "What?"

"After you first kissed me, what did I ask you? I asked why. And you said 'just because.' And then when I let you know that I really wanted to know, you said 'just because' again…and  
compared me to one of those people that you just wanna…_have_. I'm not here for you to just…do things with whenever you want to."

"No, no, no, no. Bel –"

"And when Alice told me you were in love with me…you know what? For a split second, I thought it _might_ be true, but that thought went away as quickly as it came. You know, you didn't  
have to get so mad when I told you. You could've just told me you didn't like me. And you just kissed me a second time! Why would you think it would be okay to do it again after you belittled  
me the first time?"

Whoa. Where did this all come from? I was on my side, looking at her. "No, Bella -"

She just turned around and lied down with her back toward me.

"Can you please listen to what I have to say?" She didn't turn around or say anything. "Are you listening?"

"Well, I'm right in front of you and I'm not deaf. I think you can guess whether or not I'm listening to what you're saying."

Damn, a little harsh. Alright…if this was how I was going to tell her, then this was it.

"I…" I cleared my throat. It felt dry. Crap. "I don't even know where to begin. I wanna show you that you're so much more than them, but I don't know how to. Yeah, I did say those things.  
I was dumb. But I also told you to never think you're second to anyone. Please, please forget about all that other stuff I said, and just know that you're always number one. I know I've said  
that before, but you have to believe me."

She still didn't turn around or say anything. I sighed. I felt so…helpless. "How should I show you? All I can do is…just tell you. I didn't kiss you just because I see you as some random hook-up  
or because I want to use you. I _do_ love you. I don't know how you could think any differently. Even when I say stupid things, I love you. If I ever tell you I hate you…which I would never…never  
do in a million years…I love you. I hope that still has meaning when I say it, Bella. I know I say it a lot, but…"

She finally turned around and looked at me. "Of course it has meaning. Edward, I love you, too. But –"

"But I don't mean 'love' in that sense. What Alice said was right. I _am_ in love with you. …So much that it actually hurts." Her eyes got wide and that scared me, but I had to continue. "I know I  
said I wasn't…but that's because I got mad that Alice told you before I had the chance to."

"But you had a chance."

"I know…when I first kissed you…I could've told you then. But I thought you got mad that I kissed you. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't  
have done it that first time, or even this time. But I didn't know how else to show you how much I cared. And I…didn't…really…do it on purpose. Honestly, I lost all control. And it's weird, you know?  
Because I'm not usually the one to lose control when it comes to girls. So…I didn't know what to do…and all I could do was…kiss you? Bella, I know this isn't making any sense. I can't explain  
myself. When you told me that you knew I wasn't in love with you, it killed me. …Because I thought you didn't want me to love you or something."

"Why would you think –"

"I don't know. I don't know why I thought that. I guess because that was my biggest fear…"

She just continued looking at me, and it took her a minute to answer. "But why me? I'm nothing special. Just an average girl. You can have anyone. Edward, if Angelina Jolie lived in our town,  
you could get her, and with no difficulty. Look at you."

She had no clue how beautiful she was. "Look at me? Baby, look at _you_. You're not an average girl. You're extraordinary. You don't even see it when guys stare at you. I do, and I don't blame  
them. I don't want Angelina Jolie…I want _you_."

She didn't say anything, and I was beginning to lose what little hope I had. "Bells…if you don't want me, no problem. That's fine. Really. But I just wanted you to know. I can't hold it in anymore.  
It's hurting me. And I keep hurting you too. You don't see yourself the way everyone else does. If you did, you wouldn't ask why I want you and not some other girl. It's you, Bella. Everything.  
You're perfect."

I leaned forward to kiss her cheek, and realized she was crying when I felt her tears on my lips. "Your – your cheeks…" I rubbed my nose against hers. "…Your nose…" I kissed her  
eyelids. "…Your eyes…" I put my hand over her heart and laid my head on my hand. "…Your heart…Bella, this heart…"

She put her hand on my head, and I felt her chest move when she sobbed. I didn't want to do this to her. "I wish I wasn't so weak, Bells. I wouldn't keep hurting you."

She grabbed my head and brought it up to her face. "Baby, please don't say that. You're not hurting me. You're such a strong person. I love you, too…more than I can put into words.  
And I wanna be with you, too."

And with that, she kissed me.

I couldn't believe it.

I thought the first kiss was amazing, but it was nothing compared to this.

It started off slow like the first one, but when it got more aggressive, neither one of us pulled away this time.

She turned us so that she was on top, and it brought back memories of…Ashley. Shit. I had to move her.

I pulled away, and we were both panting. "Bella –"

"Shut up." She went back to kissing me.

Shit. I closed my eyes even tighter and willed the thoughts of Ashley away.

It got easier, because holy fuck, Bella brought her hand down and started rubbing my dick through my shorts.

That paired up with the kiss was too much, and I was going to cream my fucking pants if she didn't stop. Damn, this was going to be embarrassing. _She's not even jerking you off. Calm  
the fuck down._

I squeezed my eyes shut again and pulled away. "Bel – fuck. Take me ou – out. Take it out. Or I'm g…gonna ruin my shorts."

And – no! She pulled her hand away and just looked at me. What? Did she fucking hear me?

My eyes popped open and I was panting even harder. "Did you hear what I said?"

She was smiling. _What_? Jesus, Lord, whoever's up there, please don't let this be a joke.

"Next time."

What? She had to be kidding. I pushed my hips up into her. "Bella, you better freaking finish what you started."

"I will."

I gestured toward my dick. "Well?"

She gave me a quick kiss before crawling off of me and letting out a small laugh. "Next time. I…have to get home."

She turned and started walking away.

What the fuck? "But I didn't even get to finish!"

She turned back toward me and pouted, obviously being mean. "Aww, poor baby. You know how to take care of it yourself, right?"

She walked back to me and gave me a kiss. When we parted, I furrowed my brows. "You're mean."

She shrugged and brushed off what I said. "Well, what can you do? Some people are nice, and some are mean." She gave me another quick kiss and left.

"Don't walk into the door on your way out!" I had to throw that in her face after what she just did to me.

She was already in the hall when she responded, and I hoped everyone was still in the basement. "Oh, don't worry about me! You just take care of that little problem you have there!"

_Little_? Yeah, okay…I wasn't little. …I hope. Wow. Wow, I hope she was joking.

Argh! I didn't want to finish this on my own!

I turned on my side and tried to go to sleep, which was obviously impossible.

I was surprised to get a text, but when I checked my phone, I wasn't surprised that it was from Bells.

_From: Bella_

– **I love you, baby. Good night. –**

I couldn't stay mad at her after that. Okay, I wasn't really mad at her. Just…shocked that she did that.

I didn't think Bella would be such a…tease.

…It excited me.

I was beyond ecstatic with the way things turned out tonight. Except for the part where she walked in on me in the bathroom…but we just won't bring that up. Oh, also when I  
thought she didn't want me. But we won't bring that up either.

I quickly texted her back.

_To: Bella_

– **Good night, Bella.** **I love you, too.** –

My dick had calmed down enough that I could go to sleep, and I had the best dream of my life that night.

* * *

**Wooo! They're finally together!**

**Oh, did you guys see Rob, Kristen, & Taylor on Oprah?**  
**I loved the part when they were talking about accents and Rob said "nachos."**  
**Adorableee.**

**Anyway, reviews are the best! Thanks!**


	14. Chapter 13

**Here you go, guys. =)**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**BPOV**

It's only been two weeks since Edward and I got together, but it had to be one of the best weeks of my life.

We _did_ have our little arguments, but those were nothing new. We always argued, even before we began dating.

Other than those arguments, everything was fine. He treated me the way I wanted to be treated, and I tried to do the same for him.

We haven't had sex yet, and honestly, I wouldn't be thinking about doing it only a week into a relationship, but this is Edward, not some random guy I met and started dating.  
We've never even spoke about it. I don't want to be the one to bring it up. I mean, that would be slutty.

Okay, I know Edward wouldn't think of it as slutty, but I thought of it this way – If he wanted to talk about it, he'd bring it up. Well…he needed to bring it up. _Soon_.

Anyway, I didn't really get to see him these past few days because he had to do stuff with Jasper, so I was excited to see him today. I had nothing planned today, and I hoped he  
had nothing planned either. I wanted to spend the day with him.

If I wanted to spend the day with him, I'd have to get up, wouldn't I? I was still lying in bed, but I had to get up soon. Charlie had left to go out with his friend Harry about – I picked  
my head up and checked the time on the TV's cable box – an hour ago. It was 11:00. I turned on my side and pulled the covers over my head. Another thirty minutes wouldn't hurt.

I shoved the covers off of myself when I heard the doorbell ring a second later. Ughhh! I got out of bed slowly and went downstairs to see who it was.

I just wanted to go back upstairs and crawl into bed.

I opened the door slowly, and smiled when I saw someone with Ray-Bans on and two Starbucks cups in his hands, smiling.

"Hey, babe." He gave me the drink and a quick kiss, and I took both happily.

If you haven't guessed by now, the 'someone' was Edward.

"Thanks." I moved to the side and let him in, closing the door behind him. I took a sip, tasting whipped cream on top of the drink. Edward knew I always got my white mocha without  
whipped cream. "Baby, this has whipped cream on it." I wasn't complaining. I was just stating the obvious.

He sat down on one of the living room couches and turned to me. "I know…you can say you don't like it and try to be 'healthy' as much as you want to. You love it."

I took another sip and walked over to the back of the couch as he bent his head back to look up at me. I bent down to give him a kiss. "Thank you. I do love it."

He licked his lips when I pulled back. "Mmm…tasty."

I had to laugh at that. "I'll be right back."

I put the drink down and ran upstairs to brush my teeth and change out of my pajamas.

When I got upstairs, I just grabbed any sweatpants I found, threw them on, threw on a tank top, brushed my teeth and washed my face, tied my hair into a ponytail, and quickly  
went back downstairs.

Edward was still sitting there, and turned around when I came down. "That was quick."

"I know." I smiled and went to sit down next to him.

He put his coffee down on the table and leaned back, lying down and pulling me down with him so that we were face-to-face.

"I wish you would get ready that quickly when we go out." He smirked and I knew he was just joking.

"Then I wouldn't look good. I would just look like a bum while everyone else was dressed up."

He put his hands on my lower back. "Bells, even like this, you're breathtaking. If you went out like this, you'd still be more beautiful than every other girl."

That wasn't possible. Someone in sweats couldn't outdo someone who was dressed up. I didn't believe him, and when he said things like that, I felt like I didn't deserve him. He treated  
me so well, and like I said, I _tried_ to do the same, but I never knew if I did enough.

That's not what I said to him right now, though. Because I had said that once – that I didn't deserve him – and he got _really_ mad. After that, I learned to keep that thought to myself.

I pushed the thought from my mind. There was no use in worrying about things like that at this moment. Instead, I wanted to focus on him.

I loved that I could stare into his eyes for as long as I wanted without it being weird between us. I couldn't really do it when we were just friends. Because seriously, why would you just  
stare into your friend's eyes?

My god…his eyes were so…green. I know that's an obvious statement, but they were so pretty, especially when they became darker. I say 'especially' then, because that happens  
whenever he gets turned on.

My hands were on his chest and I rubbed his chest lightly. "Edward, can I say something?"

"No."

I gave him a look and he laughed lightly.

"I'm _kidding_. You don't have to ask me. Say whatever you want to."

"But it's weird…"

"I'm sure it's not. Just say it."

I couldn't look away from his eyes, and I knew I was blushing. I felt my cheeks burning. "I know I've never told you this before, but your eyes are so beautiful. Even if I've never said it,  
I've always thought it. Even before we began dating. I'm sure you've heard it so many times, but it's true."

He brushed the backs of his fingers against my cheek. "Thank you. Why are you blushing? That's not weird at all. Is it weird when I tell you that you have beautiful eyes?"

I shook my head. "No. I love it when you say that. But…my eyes are just brown. Nothing special."

He shrugged. "Well, mine are just green."

"They're not _just_ green. They're so…pretty."

He smiled at that, and I smiled back. "So are yours, Bella. You know you have specks of orange in them? I can kind of see them now, but they're more noticeable when the sun hits them.  
And when you're…turned on…your pupils dilate. I like that a lot. I like knowing that I have that effect on you."

I _did_ know about the orange specks, but I was surprised he noticed. No one had ever mentioned it before. "Of course you have that effect on me. Yours dilate, too…and they get darker  
...when you're…you know…" I felt myself blushing again and brought my hands up to cover my cheeks, but Edward brought my hands back down.

"Don't cover it, Bella. I love that blush. But it's funny, you know. You're so shy now, but when you get in the _mood_ and we actually do stuff…you're the complete opposite." He was smirking,  
and I buried my face in his chest, embarrassed.

Right then, my stomach grumbled and I laughed lightly, picking my head up to look at him.

I wondered if he was hungry, too. "Did you eat?"

At that, his stomach grumbled, and we both laughed. "Obviously not."

"Do you want some bacon?"

He thought it about it for a second before shaking his head. "No."

That surprised me. He loved bacon. "Cereal…?"

He shook his head again.

"Do you wanna go out to eat?"

He laughed lightly. "No."

"What do you want?"

"You." He leaned his head forward and nuzzled my neck, kissing it.

That caught me off guard, and I put my hand on the back of his head, reveling in the feeling. "Mm…baby…"

He breathed in deeply and wound his fingers around my hair. "Bella…"

I wanted him too, but I my empty stomach wasn't letting me enjoy what he was doing. "Baby…Edward…food. Breakfast…bacon."

By the time I finished what I was saying, his stomach grumbled again, and he broke away from my neck, giving it one last kiss and loosening his grip on my hair. "We're gonna continue  
this later."

As much as I wanted to stay in that position, I stood up and started walking over to the kitchen, with Edward walking behind me. I got the bacon and turned on the stove, throwing the  
strips into a pan as Edward went to sit down at the table behind me.

After a few minutes, I heard him get up and felt him lean into my back, wrapping his arms around my waist and nuzzling my neck again.

My hand automatically went to the back of his head again, and I ran my fingers through his hair. "Edward…can we please…mmm…eat?"

He spoke in between kisses on my neck. "Fine…baby…if you don't…want me…" He pulled away.

I knew he was kidding, because I could tell he was smiling, but it hurt when he said stuff like that. The bacon was finally done, so I turned off the stove and turned around in his arms,  
putting my arms around his waist as well.

"Don't say that. You don't know how much I want you and how much I love you."

"I could say the same for you." He gave me a peck on the lips. "Bella, I'd kill for you. Literally."

My voice was small when I spoke. "I'd die for you."

I was surprised that he wasn't scared off after I'd said that, because honestly, I'd scared myself. I didn't realize how true it was until I said it. I realized that I wouldn't even think twice  
about dying for him.

I…didn't want to think about this anymore.

I had to change the subject. "Let's eat before the food gets cold."

I was glad that he didn't ask why I'd changed the subject so abruptly. He just grabbed my hand and led me to the square table.

"Sit."

I sat and smiled as he set down plates and cups for us, filling our plates with food and then going to the fridge.

"You guys have orange juice!"

I laughed at his enthusiasm. "Of course." We always had some for him.

After Edward sat down, he let out a big sigh. "Finally. Food."

We ate without speaking for a few minutes before I broke the silence. "So what are you doing today?"

"Nothing really. I'm gonna go out with Jasper around 3:00."

…There goes wanting to spend my whole day with him. He hung out with Jasper more than any of his other friends, and I'd never even met him.

"You know I still haven't met him, right?"

He looked up from his plate, and I knew he was going to lie before he even said anything. His eyes were wandering everywhere. "Really? I thought you already did."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't understand why he'd lie about me meeting someone. He didn't say anything else and we sat in silence again. By this point, I'd lost my appetite and just  
watched him eat.

He looked up after a few minutes, when he was done with his food. "Why aren't you eating?"

"I'm not hungry."

He gave me a confused look. "But you were the one who kept pushing us to eat."

I just shrugged, not knowing what to say. I really wasn't hungry anymore, and whatever I said could've easily turned this into a fight, so I didn't say anything.

He shrugged back and got up. "Whatever." He picked up our plates and cups, going over to the sink and washing them. After he was done, he turned around and put his hands on the  
counter behind him, leaning against the counter. I didn't have to tell him how I was feeling. He knew. "I'll be back after I hang out with Jasper. We can hang out then."

I was still sitting at the table, and I looked up at him. "When are you getting back?"

After I asked, I realized that he regretted saying we could hang out. He wasn't going to come back early enough for us to see each other.

"Um…I don't…know. But…we can hang out now until I have to go."

I didn't know if I was mad or sad, but I tried to focus on the fact that we had time to be together now. "What do you wanna do?"

He shrugged. "Anything you want."

His face fell when my eyes lit up, because he knew what I was thinking.

"Anywhere but there."

I clasped my hands together and begged, obviously over-dramatic. "Pleeease?"

He grimaced before his face straightened out again. "Fine."

I stood up, quickly walked over to him, and hugged him. "Yes! Thank you! I'm gonna change out of my sweats. Just gimme one second."

We weren't going anywhere special. Just the mall.

But I loved the mall.

I ran upstairs, threw on jeans, and came back down. Edward was still in his same spot, waiting with his arms crossed. He smiled when he saw me, and I smiled back. I was so happy, but  
I knew he hated shopping, especially at the mall.

He pushed himself off the counter. "Let's go."

"Edward, are you sure you don't mind? We can do something else." I really didn't want to do something else, but I would have if he wanted to. I felt kind of bad whenever I dragged  
him there.

"Yeah baby, I'm sure. I said anything you want, right?"

As bad as I felt about dragging him to the mall, I was happy that we were going together.

There was no question that we would take his car, because he always said my car wasn't 'fast enough' or whatever.

When we got into his car, I looked for the extra pair of sunglasses he kept.

Edward realized what I was looking for before I said anything. "They're in the glove compartment."

I reached my hand toward it, but he put his hand over mine and pulled my hand back before I could reach it.

"Close your eyes."

What? "Why?"

"Just do it."

I closed my eyes and heard him open the glove compartment.

I thought about peeking, but he trusted me not to, so I kept my eyes shut.

"Can I open them now? Edward, I really don't care what's in there. You can have a bloody axe in there, and I wouldn't –"

He cut me off with a laugh. "Bloody axe? You're not even close…"

I felt him put his sunglasses on me. "Thank you. Can I open them _now_?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then keep 'em closed."

I sighed and waited. He took hold of my wrist and gently opened my palm, placing something hard inside. I heard him close the glove compartment.

His voice was low when he spoke. "You can open your eyes now."

I opened my eyes and looked down as I took the sunglasses off.

It was a long hard box, one that would hold a bracelet. Why would he randomly get me a bracelet?

I looked up at him, confused. "Why…?" I didn't even know what to ask.

He was smiling, and I couldn't help but smile in return. "No questions. Just open it already!"

I opened the box slowly, and my face froze. It wasn't a bracelet. It was a thousand times better.

I knew my face looked like a little kid's, and he had a huge grin on his face. I was in shock. "Is this why you haven't been letting me look in there? Edward! Oh, my God!  
How did you even –"

He laughed and put his hand up to silence me. "Babe, I said no questions."

"But you shouldn't have –"

"I don't wanna hear any of that, either."

I couldn't believe it. He had gotten two tickets to tonight's Devils versus Rangers game. It was Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals. He had to have gotten these a few months ago, during  
the regular season, and I didn't even want to think about how much they cost him. The seats were so close to the ice.

"What about Jasper?"

"I'll be back in time." He looked down and gestured toward the tickets. "You know…there are two tickets. You can take whoever you want to."

I found it funny that he didn't automatically assume I'd take him. Who else would I take? "Yeah! Charlie's gonna go crazy when he sees how close these seats are!"

I saw his face fall for a quick second before he smiled weakly. "Oh. Yeah! He'd be really happy if you took him, Bella. And you guys could spend some time together."

I was just teasing him, but I couldn't do it anymore. It hurt me seeing him try to make me happy when he was so obviously sad.

I reached over and hugged him. "You're adorable. I'm just kidding. Of course I'm taking _you_. Who else would I take?" I pulled away and he smiled, thanking me and turning the car on.

"No, baby. Thank _you_. This is beyond amazing. But can I ask another question?"

He began driving and took my hand in his, laughing. "You already asked a few after I said 'no questions,' so since you don't listen to me, go ahead."

I always listened to him! When I wanted to…

Well, he said 'go ahead', so I was going to ask. "What occasion is this for? I mean, it's not my birthday or anything."

"It doesn't have to be your birthday or anything of the sort. I got the tickets for you because you're Bella Swan. And I'm Edward Cullen. And…Edward Cullen loves Bella Swan."  
He brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

"I love you, too."

When we got to the mall, I went straight to the Coach store, which, not surprisingly, Edward seemed less than thrilled about.

I told him he could sit outside the store while I looked inside, so he did.

I walked right over to what I wanted, and tried it on, looking at myself in the mirror. A black shoulder bag. I loved this bag. I put it back, and looked at it for a few seconds. I knew I wasn't  
going to get it right now. I would have to save up. It was expensive, and I couldn't just drop money like that.

I looked around the store for a little while longer, and finally walked out as Edward stood up.

He held his hand out. "All set to go?"

"Yupp." I took his hand in mine and we started walking, looking into other stores that both of us liked.

We both got shirts from American Eagle Outfitters, and Edward helped me pick a couple of things out from Victoria's Secret. I told him that he could sit outside again, but he said he wanted  
to pick out things that he wanted to see me wear, which was absolutely fine with me.

Of course girls would stare at him and give me dirty looks as we walked through the mall. Edward would ignore them, and some would just flat out say hi, so he would quickly smile and look  
away. I didn't want him smiling at them. I didn't even want him looking their way, but I couldn't say that. He wasn't doing anything wrong. He was only showing common courtesy when he  
had no other choice.

One girl had the nerve to brush her hand down his arm as she said hi, and I squeezed his hand. He bent down and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and then on the lips, before moving  
toward my ear. "I love you, baby." He squeezed my hand and we continued walking from store to store.

I hated seeing girls do this crap every place we went. I hated seeing it when we weren't dating, and I absolutely hated it right now. I trusted him fully, but seriously, even when you trust  
someone, you still don't want to see stuff like this. And as much as he says he wouldn't, he could leave me for one of them any time he wants to. He could change his mind at any second.

I knew I shouldn't think that way, though. Because if he did change his mind and wanted to leave me, I couldn't do anything about it. I could fight for him, and I would, but I know that  
would annoy him if he already made up his mind about what he wanted.

"Isabella!"

I looked up at Edward quickly. "What?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

Oops. "…No?"

He repeated whatever he'd asked before. "Do you wanna get something to eat? You didn't really eat anything this morning."

Food sounded good. "Yeah. Do you wanna just get something from the food court?"

"Sure."

When we got to the food court, Edward had to go back to his car because he realized he didn't have his wallet. I told him not to go because I wanted to pay anyway, but he said that  
wasn't "acceptable."

He finally came back and we ate, speaking about tonight's game. I was positive we would win, and he was just as positive that the Rangers would win. The games were best out of  
seven, meaning whichever team won four games first got the Stanley Cup. We won the first game, and I knew we'd win this one. Edward only got defensive because he was scared.

We finally went back to Edward's house and lied down on his bed, not saying much. We didn't always have to have a conversation, and I liked that. I liked the fact that we could just  
stay quiet, and there wouldn't be an awkward silence.

My head was on his chest, breathing in the scent of his cologne, and I was running my fingers over his abs through his shirt while he played with my hair.

When he finally said something, his voice cracked, most likely because he hadn't spoken in a while. "Babe."

Even though I understood why it cracked, I had to laugh anyway. I didn't look up; just kept my head where it was. "Hmm?"

"I have to get up." He made no nudges to move me, which was fine with me because I didn't want to move. I didn't want him to leave.

"Nooo. Don't go." I slung my arm over and around his body, and he laughed, taking my arm off of him.

"Bella, I'm just going to the bathroom."

I moved so he could get up, and I lay back down once he was gone.

I laid down where his body was, and the warmth of the bed and pillow mixed with his scent felt comforting. After thinking about it for a while, I realized that I wasn't sad because I didn't  
want him to go out. I was sad…and kind of mad…because I didn't want him to go out with Jasper.

I don't think Edward was gone for a long period of time at all, but I guess I somehow managed to fall asleep, because when I woke up, he was crouched down next to the bed calling my  
name softly and stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"Bells…"

Eyes still closed, I turned my face into his hand and he opened his palm, cupping my cheek.

"M…hm?"

"Baby, I have to go. You don't have to get up. I'm just letting you know that I'm going. I'll be back in time for the game."

I opened my eyes slowly and put my hand over his on my cheek as he kissed my forehead and starting getting up. "Don't go…"

He slowly pulled his hand away and crouched back down. "I have to. He's waiting for me at the billiards place."

"You were with him all day yesterday…"

"I know."

"And the day before that."

He dropped his head down and sighed. "I know…"

I turned onto my back as he stood up again. I knew he was going to go no matter what I said. There was no point in making this into a huge deal. Even if we fought, he would go.

He bent down to give me a kiss goodbye and put his forehead against mine. "Bella, please don't be mad. I'll see you tonight."

I didn't say anything, and he gave me another kiss and left.

After I heard him leave the house and drive off, I got up and straightened out my clothes, walking over to Alice's room.

She was home, and I was thankful. I walked in and we talked about random things until I had to go home and get ready for tonight's game. I would've brought up the whole thing  
with Edward and Jasper, but it really wasn't a big deal. I didn't want him hanging out with Jasper. Big whoop. What was she supposed to do about it? Yell at him for hanging out with  
Jasper? If I brought it up, I would be complaining for no reason, and I didn't want to do that to Alice.

We spoke about school, summer, and Brian. Brian and she were doing really well, but she said Edward bothered her about him whenever she mentioned his name or hung out with him.

"Alice, don't worry. He does the same to me with some guys."

"You're his girlfriend. Obviously he's gonna get jealous."

She was right, but sometimes he overdid it. "And you're his sister. Obviously he's gonna be overprotective."

We spoke a bit more, and I left.

When I got home, Charlie was in the kitchen with Harry, trying to fix his fishing rod.

I walked into the kitchen to greet them. "Dad, I'm going to the Devils game with Edward tonight."

"I know. Have fun."

"How do you know?"

"Edward told me when – Edward told me."

I gave him a weird look and turned around slowly, walking toward the stairs. I heard Harry ask him if Edward and I were dating, and shook my head in annoyance as I went up  
the stairs to my room.

I walked in my bedroom door and froze in front of my bed before quickly walking over to it.

There was a Coach bag on the bed with a folded note in front of it. My name was on the note, and when I saw the handwriting, I immediately knew who it was from. No one's  
handwriting could ever match Edward's chicken-scratch writing.

I smiled and opened the note, already feeling bad that he had bought me something from Coach.

_My dearest Bella,_

_You've been looking at this for a while now – almost every single time we've gone to the mall. Please don't be mad that I bought it. Enjoy using it._

_I'm sorry I couldn't spend the day with you. I'll see you tonight._

_I love you. Always._

_- Edward_

I put the note down and quickly opened the bag, taking out the black shoulder bag that I'd wanted for so long. Even though he told me not to be mad, I was. Well, I wasn't really  
_mad_, but I didn't want him to keep spending money on me.

I couldn't pretend I didn't want the bag, though. I loved it! I put it on and quickly walked over to my mirror, looking at my reflection. I. Loved. It.

And I loved _him_. So much. He didn't need to buy me anything, and I always reminded him that.

"_I know I don't have to. I want to."_ His answer was always the same.

I wish I could've used the bag tonight, but I definitely couldn't bring it to a hockey game. I wish I could dress girly instead of wearing my jersey just so I could use the bag, but I had  
to wear my jersey. I had to.

Also, some drunken guy would probably spill beer or food on it, and a stain on this bag was the last thing I needed.

I put the bag back down on my bed, and picked up the note, reading it again. I smiled and put it in my desk's drawer. Throwing it away wasn't an option. I would never throw away  
something he'd taken the time to write for me.

I threw on my Elias jersey over my jeans, and went downstairs to watch TV with Charlie and Harry for a little while. They were watching some special on hunting and I got bored fairly  
quickly, so I decided to leave early.

"Dad, I'm gonna go hang out with Alice until Edward gets home." I got up and said goodbye, grabbing my keys and wallet. I didn't need a bag. It would be useless extra weight at a  
sports event.

When I walked out my front door, I saw Edward's car and smiled, quickening my pace. I was so glad that he was back earlier than I thought he'd be. I walked up to the Cullen's door  
and rang the doorbell. Esme answered and said Edward was upstairs, managing to make me eat a cookie before I went upstairs. No matter how much I resisted, she always force-fed  
me something. I never complained, though. Her cooking and baking was unbelievably delicious.

I finally went upstairs and saw that the bathroom door was closed and the light was on, so I assumed Edward was in there. I went to see what Alice was doing, but before I even reached  
her door, I heard Edward get out of the bathroom and turned around.

Before I had fully turned around, he was already in his room, the door only half-way closed. I could see him standing in front of his closet looking through clothes – a pair of jeans,  
I assumed, because he would wear his jersey on top.

I smiled and began walking toward his door, and his head turned toward me as he dropped whatever he was rummaging through. He walked toward his door with a straight face, and  
we reached it at the same time. I leaned in to give him a kiss, but stopped and took a step back when I noticed the door moving.

He slowly closed the door, looking at me the entire time.

Wait. What?

I stood there, shocked and confused. I didn't know whether to think about the fact that he just closed the door on my face, or worry about…his eyes.

They were…well, they weren't pink or bloodshot this time. But his pupils were dilated. I didn't want to think about them, but that was all I could do right now. I couldn't think about  
anything else.

I took a step toward the door and pressed an open palm against it.

"Edward?" My voice was shaky, and it took me by surprise.

When he spoke, I realized he was right by the door as well. "Yeah."

"Can I –" I cleared my throat. "Can I come in?"

"Babe, I need some time alone." He spoke so quickly, and it caught me off guard.

"Why?" I didn't want to sound nosey, but he was acting really weird.

He slammed his hand against the door and I jumped back with a gasp. "Bella. Please. Just some time. Alone. "

His words were coming out so quickly, to the point where he was almost stumbling over them. I wanted to check if the door was locked, but if he needed some time, I'd give him some  
time. I just wanted to know _what_ he needed time for.

Still, with everything else running through my mind, I couldn't shake away the image of his eyes. They were dilated…I couldn't ignore that. Only because I knew they only dilated when  
he was turned on. _I_ wasn't here to do that, and I knew there was no one in there with him right now.

What I thought of next was what I was trying to push to the back of my mind this entire time.

This would explain why I'd never met Jasper, and why Edward's eyes were almost always hazed over when he'd come back from hanging out with him. I was beginning to think that all  
those times his eyes were glassy were because he was…because he didn't have time to wind down after he…

I couldn't bring myself to think it. I couldn't think about what he did all those times he went to hang out with "Jasper." All I could do was think that "Jasper" might be a girl.

I felt helpless as I slowly sat in front of his door and began to cry. Of course I didn't want to think he was cheating on me, but I couldn't find any other explanation for everything.

I don't know how long I sat there, but it was enough time for Edward to finally open the door as I dropped my head down.

He immediately fell to his knees and I saw the blue color of his jersey's sleeve as he brought his fingers to my chin to pull it up.

I jerked my head away and dropped it down again before I could see his face. I didn't want to see his eyes. I didn't want to be reminded.

…Not that I'd forgotten what I'd just seen moments before.

He sat back on his knees and finally spoke, but instead of it comforting me, I realized that for the first time, I didn't want to hear his voice or look at his face.

"Baby?"

"_Shut up_, Edward."

* * *

**Reviews, please. =)**


	15. Chapter 14

**The song for this chapter is "The Fiction We Live" by From Autumn to Ashes.**

**I just think it fits really well with the end of this chapter; especially the line, "The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow."  
Also, it's one of my favorite songs. It's actually his (the singer's) answer to the song "Autumn's Monolgue," so give both of them a listen.****  
They're amazing. (:**

**Glenis and Claire, thanks for your ideas!  
****Thanks for the reviews, guys. Keep 'em coming! And thank you for letting me know about the mistakes I make! Haha**

**- JayBee  
**

* * *

**EPOV**

"_Shut up_, Edward."

What the hell just happened? Was Bella mad because I told her I needed time alone?

I wondered how long she had been crying out here, and my heart clenched when I realized that she hadn't left after I told her I needed some time. That was thirty minutes ago.  
Had she been crying that entire time? I wish I'd heard her crying, but she hadn't even made a sound. Even now, she was crying silently. Had I heard her, I would've let her in my  
room immediately.

I reached a hand out toward her and pulled it back when she jerked away again.

With the way she told me to shut up, I thought twice about speaking again. But she wasn't saying anything, and I couldn't keep quiet.

It hurt me that she pulled away from me twice, but even though she wouldn't look at me, I didn't avert my eyes from the top of her head, the only thing I could see that was closest  
to her face. "Bells, why are you…what happened?" She didn't answer me, but she didn't interrupt me either, so I continued. "I'm sorry that I didn't let you in. I just…" I didn't know  
what to say. I couldn't tell her that I didn't want her in there with me at the time. "I just…needed time." I felt like an idiot reiterating the same thing I'd said before.

I couldn't believe this was happening right now. We hadn't been dating long, but ever since our relationship began, I haven't seen her cry _once_. I was glad that she hadn't cried, because  
sometimes – God, it was too much. Yes, it broke my heart to see her cry, and yes, I'll admit that I've cried once or twice, but at times, I just wanted to tell her that I'd had enough with  
her crying about almost everything.

I honestly don't think I could tell her that, though. It would hurt her, and hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do. Besides that fact, sometimes her crying affected me to the point  
where _I _would feel like crying, and she knew that. Telling her that her crying annoyed me would probably make her think I…I don't know. It would probably make her think I didn't care.

When I heard her voice, I was relieved that it didn't sound menacing. "I heard you the first two times you said you needed time. But that's not why."

"That's not why what?"

She finally looked up, her face blotchy and her eyes puffy. "I'm not crying because you didn't let me in."

I kept my voice soft. I didn't want her to think I was chastising her or anything like that. "Then…why?"

Emmett came up the stairs then, and just stared at us with a confused look on his face, pointing toward his room. "Um…I'll…"

I looked up at him as Bella dropped her head down lower than it was before. "Leave."

He just nodded his head, and I was glad he didn't ask what had happened. "Uh…yeah. Okay." He squeezed past Bella and the staircase, and went straight to his room, shutting the door.

I reached for Bella's wrists and was glad she didn't pull away. "Come on. Get up." She complied as I pulled her up and lead her into my room.

I sat against the headboard of my bed, and surprisingly, she sat on the floor.

"Uh…Bella." I furrowed my brows and gestured toward the empty space in front of me on my bed. …And she sat on the bed _next_ to mine. I wasn't even going to bother asking her why she  
sat there. "Why were you crying?"

"Are you seeing a girl behind my back?"

I felt my eyes get wide, but I couldn't help it. Where the fuck did that come from? "What?"

"Is it Ashley?"

"_What_?" What the fuck…

"Yes. Or. No?"

I didn't even know what to say! This was so out of the fucking blue. "Bella –"

She shrieked and I jumped, not expecting it. "_Just answer the fucking question!_"

"No! No, okay? I'm not cheating on you! Is that why you were crying? What is this even – Where is this coming from?"

Her lips were pulled into a tight line, and when her face went from that apparent anger to a face of sorrow, I felt my heart clench again.

She actually thought I was cheating on her. I could never.

"When you go to hang out with Jasper…are you hanging out with Jasper…or…you know…a girl?"

My eyes went wide again as I realized what she was thinking. I went to sit next to her. "No. No! Bella, I'm not seeing anyone behind your back. I swear on everything I have, I'm  
cheating on you. I –"

"Then why were your pupils dilated?"

"Huh?"

"Why were your pupils dilated? I mean…" She sighed. "They only dilate that much when you're turned on. And I wasn't here…"

I had to laugh. "Baby, I don't need someone with me to get turned on. If I just think of you and…the things you do…that's enough to get me worked up."

She blushed at that, which was what I expected. I loved it, but honestly, it always surprised me. When we were just friends and she would blush, I thought it was because she might  
be conserved, but she wasn't at all! Her blush amazed me only because sometimes, she was so…controlling and aggressive. But only when we did anything sexual, which just made  
those experiences even more special.

I wanted to answer her questions, but I knew I had to word my answers carefully.

"Bells, no matter what happens, you need to know that I would never even think of –"

"Why haven't I ever met Jasper?"

Holy hell. I don't understand why the hell she would cut me off when I'm trying to explain things to her! I know I've said this before, but she was the _only_ person who could get me  
from sad to mad so quickly. In this case, I went back and forth more than once or twice.

I wouldn't let my anger get the best of me, but to make my point, I quicky grabbed her wrists and held them in place next to her face, bringing my face close to hers and staring into  
her eyes. She didn't show any signs of fear, and I was glad. I didn't want her to be afraid of me. I just wanted her to listen intently. And to stop interrupting me.

I stared at her hard to show her I was serious. I knew she wouldn't really get it in her head any other way.

"Listen to me, and listen to me _well_. I am _not_ cheating on you, do you understand?" I waited a few seconds. "Answer me, Bella. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I am not, nor will I _ever_, cheat on you. I'd never even think of doing it." I waited a few seconds before continuing. "And you've never met Jasper, because: one, there hasn't really  
been a chance for you guys to meet, and; two…" I was just going to come out with it. I didn't want to make up bullshit excuses anymore. "…I don't really want you to meet him.  
He's not…good, Bella. He's not a good person. And I don't know if he'll be nice or mean to you. I don't wanna see him be mean to you or treat you badly. Well, I don't wanna see _anyone  
_be mean to you or treat you badly. But –"

"You need to stop telling me who I can and can't –"

I gripped her wrists tighter in frustration, and loosened my grip when she immediately stopped talking. Again, I just wanted to get her attention. "Stop! Listen to me. Stop interrupting.  
You're not letting me answer your questions." I waited two seconds and when she didn't say anything – thank God – I continued. "As I was saying…_but_ you have a point in wanting to  
meet him. Trust me when I say you're better off not knowing who he is. He's not a good person. The only reason I still see him is because I'm his friend. I can't just cut him out of my life.  
That would be rude, wouldn't it? I know it's as if I keep telling you who you can and can't be friends with, but I swear, that's not what I'm trying to do. I just…feel overprotective." I finally  
let her wrists go and when she rubbed them, I wondered if I'd hurt her.

I thought she might get mad at me feeling overprotective, so when she smiled, I was relieved.

"Why would you think I'd even _look _at another girl the way I look at you?"

She just shrugged, and I knew her answer would be because she didn't deserve me. It pissed me off just thinking about it. How could she think that? How? Not only was she the most beautiful  
and smartest girl I knew, but she was the most amazing person I'd ever met. Even if just for a split second, I wanted her to be able to see what I saw every time I looked at her.

"Because…I don't throw myself at you like other girls do?"

I laughed lightly at what she said. Even though it came out as a question, I knew she didn't mean for it to. And I knew what she meant, even if she didn't say it word for word. She was talking  
about us having sex, which we hadn't done yet. Even though she wasn't a virgin, I didn't want to push her into it. Other than that, I hadn't really put much thought into it. I mean, don't get me  
wrong. I thought about doing it with Bella on so many occasions, but I always thought it would just happen whenever it would happen. No rush. We'd done everything besides have sex, and I  
was honestly happy with the way things were.

Even though I knew what she was talking about, I wanted her to say it. I felt bad for finding this humorous, but it was so funny seeing her like this. Her blush was a dead giveaway of  
what was going through her mind.

I cocked an eyebrow and smirked at her. "Babe, you've thrown yourself at me a countless number of times."

"Edwaaard, you know what I mean."

"No, I don't think I do. I mean…hey, if you're worried about not throwing yourself at me, go right ahead. Throw yourself at me." I had a huge grin on my face, but she wasn't smiling at all.

"Edward." It sounded as if she was scolding a child, which just made this funnier.

I wiggled my eyebrows and cocked my head toward the other bed. "Bella."

I finally saw her smile, which turned into a small laugh. "Stop!"

I dropped my jaw in feigned shock. "Isabella Swan. Are you saying you don't wanna have your way with me on that bed over there?"

Her eyes got wide. "Edward."

I opened my eyes wide as well, just to tease her. "Bella."

"Stop!"

"You're aware that you're just repeating the same things over and over, right?"

She sighed. "I'm not saying I don't wanna have my way with you. I'm saying…"

She didn't finish her sentence, and I knew she'd be happy if I just said it for her. "You really think I would cheat on you because we haven't had sex?"

She shrugged again, and blushed even more. I knew what would come next, so I brought my hand forward and pushed her chin up before she dropped her head down all the way.

"Hey. Look at me. Do you really think that?"

"I guess. Yeah."

"Bells, we've only been dating for a couple of weeks. That's not a very long time. We don't _have_ to have sex. It'll happen whenever it happens. I'm happy with the things we do for now.  
I'm not complaining."

She was looking at me like I was crazy or something. "So…you _don't_ wanna have sex?"

Whoaaa, where did she get that idea? "What? That is_ not_ what I said. I definitely do. Especially with you. I don't want you to get worked up over it, though. Like I said, it'll happen when  
it does. And it'll be amazing. We'll make it amazing." I gave her a kiss on her forehead, then on her lips. "Okay?"

I saw small smile playing on her lips as she nodded. "Yeah."

I looked down at Bella's jersey and – fuck! – I completely forgot about the game. I knew we still had enough time to get there, but I wondered if Bella even wanted to go anymore. I was  
excited about seeing this game in person, so I hoped she still wanted to go.

I checked the time. 5:30. We had an hour and a half. Bella turned her head to follow my gaze and turned back to me.

"Let's –"

"Bella, if you don't feel like going to the game anymore, we don't –"

"I do! I was just gonna say let's get going. Do _you _not wanna go because you know we're gonna sweep the floor with the Rangers?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Just so you know, you're not funny. Now get your tushy off the bed. We're going whether you want to or not."

I held her hand and stood up, pulling her along. She pulled me back as I began walking out of my room, forcing me to turn around.

"Yeah?"

She giggled. "Tushy?"

I stepped forward and closed the small space between us, leaning into her and bringing my hands around her to grab her butt.

"Yeah. Tiny. Tushy." I emphasized each word with a squeeze, and she squealed.

"_Tiny_?"

I shrugged. "Yeah." The truth was, Bella had a perfect ass. It was nowhere near tiny, but I just wanted to bust her chops.

She looked down at my crotch. "Pfft. I'd rather have a tiny tushy than be a guy with a teeny weenie."

_What?_ "Bella, I _know_ you're not talking about me."

"Who else?"

My face fell. "Take it back."

She pretended to think it over. "Um…nah….I don't think I'm going to."

I couldn't believe this girl. Even after all these years, there were things she did and said that surprised me. No one had ever called my dick small before! And she did it twice already!  
I knew it was a joke, but it bruised my ego, especially coming from Bella.

With my hands in their previous positions, I thrust my hips forward and up, smiling smugly when she whimpered and closed her eyes.

"Take it back, Bella." I pushed her a few inches back until she was against the wall and grabbed her calf, wrapping her leg around my waist and thrusting my hips again as I  
spoke. "Now." I wasn't hard, but I wasn't fucking small, and I wanted to make my point.

She turned red. "Okay. Okay, it's not teeny. At all." She smiled, and her blush faded a bit. I knew she was trying to regain her composure. "Eddie is actually _very_…huge."

She mumbled the last part, and even though I heard her, I wanted to hear it again. "I'm sorry. What was that?"

She gave me a seductive look. She knew that shit drove me insane. "You, Mr. Cullen, have a very big cock."

Fuck, I loved hearing her say shit like that. I knew she was trying to gain control, and I wasn't going to let her, so I laughed. "I'm sorry. I didn't get that. One more time?"

"Alright, don't press your luck."

I smiled and backed off a bit, gratified. "Well, you, Miss Swan, have an exceptional ass." I slapped her butt and grabbed her hand. "Let's go."

The game was in New Jersey, at the Prudential Center. You'd expect there to be more Devils fans than Rangers fans, but as always, there were just as much Rangers fans as Devils fans.  
I loved it. I fed off of the other fans' energy, and I knew they did the same.

People were staring at us, but we were used to it. It was bad enough when a fan of one team was walking and laughing with a fan of the other team, but on top of that, we were holding  
hands and occasionally giving each other a kiss. In a way, it reminded me of the times people would say we were dating when we were just friends. We just couldn't let it phase us, and  
we didn't – for the most part.

I got a Philly cheese steak for myself and chicken tenders and fries for Bella, and we found are seats.

"Edward, these seats are so close to the ice!" I was so glad she was happy. She grabbed my chin and pulled my face to hers, giving me a kiss on the cheek as I laughed.

"I hope you have fun, baby."

By the time the game began, I'd already finished my cheese steak, and Bella's fries were looking good. Food at sports events weren't amazing, but food was food. I reached my hand  
over and took one of her fries, shoving it in my mouth before she could snatch it away.

"Edward!"

I knew she wasn't really mad, but it was funny seeing her reaction.

I laughed and took another one. She slapped my hand this time. "Stop! You finished your food. Let me eat mine." She turned her body away from me and continued eating.

I leaned over and tapped her shoulder. "Uh…Bells?" When she turned toward me, I quickly reached over and grabbed another one, quickly eating it and rubbing my stomach. "Oh, man. Delicious."

She stomped her foot on the ground and I started cracking up. I turned around when I felt a tap on my back and heard some guy call me by the name on my jersey.

"Hey, Drury. Are you fucking deaf? She said not to take any of her damn fries."

He looked at Bella as I looked down at his jersey. _Fucking Devils fan. _I obviously hadn't made it clear enough that the only Devils fan who could say shit to me was the girl sitting next to me.

"You better shut the fuck up! If he wants a fucking fry, he can have one." Bella grabbed a fry and held it in front of my face as I took it in my mouth. She was so adorable. I loved watching  
her when she got worked up over things like this. She turned back toward the ice and I stared at the guy, chewing slowly to rub it in his face. Was he serious? Why the hell would he  
even get into my situation with Bella?

He shook his head and snorted. "Yeah. Let your bitch speak for you."

Oh, motherfu –

I shoved myself out of my seat before I even knew what I was doing. I stood in front of his seat and towered over him. It was obvious by the look on his face that he hadn't expected me  
to do anything about what he'd just said. What a fucking asshole. I would have let it go if he'd just commented on Bella speaking for me. I was glad she said something to him. If she was  
angry, it's good that she let it out. And this involved her in a way, so really, she could say whatever the hell she wanted to. And I loved it when she tried to act tough. But calling her a bitch?  
Get the fuck out of here.

I grabbed the front of his jersey with both hands, pulling him forward a bit and looking him in the eyes. His eyes got wide and it was obvious that he was scared. Fucking scum. Before I  
even had the chance to do or say anything, I felt someone pull at my sleeve and looked to my right. Bella was leaning over my empty seat, trying to pull me off, clearly with no avail. But with  
one glance at her, and I loosened my grip on his jersey.

"Edward, please. Don't do anything. Let it go. It's okay." It was all I could do not to look away from her gaze and bash his brain in. "_Please_."

I quickly looked at the seats above ours, and everyone in our section was staring at me. Everyone else was cheering and yelling at the players. I shoved the guy back into his seat and sat  
down. I'd gotten these tickets for Bella, and she would enjoy this game. I didn't need to ruin it by getting us kicked out.

Bella took my hand in hers. I stared at our hands and at the contrast of her red sleeve against my blue one in my lap. She squeezed my hand and I looked at her.

"Enjoy the game, baby. Please?"

I just nodded and looked out at the ice. I didn't want her to worry about me having a good time. I just wanted _her_ to have a good time.

A few minutes later, she gave me her food, saying she said she wasn't hungry anymore. I took it, looking at the dumbass next to me. He didn't even turn his head. Good. Fucking douche.

There was a family sitting in front of us – two boys around the age of six or seven, and their parents. One of the boys was a Devils fan, and the other was a Rangers fan. They were  
hilarious, always yelling at each other. The mom saw Bella and me laughing at them whenever they would hit and shove each other, and she turned around to talk to us.

"They're always like this, you know. One's also a Yankees fan and the other is a Red Sox fan." Oh, wow. That was too much! Their home must have been a madhouse. "Are you two  
like that as well?"

Bella and I turned to each other, shaking our heads and turning back to her.

"We're both Yank fans. They must always be going at it!" I loved that these kids were rivals. It was so funny. Bella and I spoke to the boys for a little while, and every time the Devils  
scored, Evan would give Bella a high-five. I'd get a high-five from Blake whenever the Rangers would make a shot. Needless to say, Evan was the Devil fan, and Blake was the Ranger fan.

When we made our first goal, I turned to Bella and cheered. Let me tell you…what a big fucking mistake. She shoved her hand in my face and it seriously hurt, with her nails scratching  
me. It took me by shock because she'd never done that before, and I swore to myself that I would never do that again.

The game was intense as always, and it was going well…

…Until there was only one minute left and we were losing 3-1.

Rangers fans began to leave, obviously not wanting to be here to see their team lose and see the Devils fans celebrate.

"Bells, can we please leave?"

She looked at me with wide eyes. "Are you insane?" And just like that, she turned back to the game.

I put my head in my hands and looked down at the floor. Anything to keep my mind away from the game. The floor looked sticky. I pressed my foot hard into the ground and picked  
it up. It _was_ sticky. I saw Bella's sneakers. And some pieces of food. And some gum.

I heard everyone begin cheering before the period was even over, and I looked up at Bella. Her hands were in the air, and she was jumping up and down, screaming at the top of her  
lungs. …As was everyone else around us.

Bella finally turned around and gazed down at me with an apologetic look. I thought we were finally going to leave, but then she turned back around and started high-fiving the guy  
next to her.

We finally left after a while, and everyone was honking their horns and blowing their air horns.

Soon, we'd be in the car, driving home and away from this place.

And as mad as I was about our loss, I was happy that Bella was enjoying herself.

"Babe! I wanna sit on your shoulders!"

Okay. I wasn't _that_ happy.

I stopped and gave her a look. "Bella, I'm not helping you celebrate."

"Pleeease?" She pouted. Freaking _pouted_. She knew that thing worked like a charm.

I crouched down and she sat on my shoulders. I lifted her with ease as I spoke. "You swear that thing works, Bells." As I said, it worked like a charm…but I'd never admit that.

She mumbled something and before I could ask what she'd said, she started screaming again. People were booing at us, and most likely at her for being with me, but she didn't  
seem to notice at all. If she _did_ notice, she didn't show it, which I was happy about.

We finally got to my car, and I let her down, opening her door and then getting in myself.

"Finally. We can get the hell out of here." I sped out of the parking lot. I couldn't stand seeing red and white jerseys anymore. Holy shit.

"You guys still have a chance to make a comeback…"

Was that supposed to make me feel better? I just turned my head to look at her and turned back to the road.

"What? I'm just saying it's not over yet. I'm being positive for you."

"Thanks, but I don't need you to be positive for me." Besides the fact that I was with Bella, I really didn't see much to be positive about right now. I looked at her again and she was  
looking down at her lap, most likely because I was speeding and she didn't want to watch the road.

"Well, apparently, you do. Killjoy. Party pooper. You're a wet blanket."

I laughed; she was calling me everything she could for being a bad sport. "_Wet blanket?_"

"Yeah. That's what you are. It's not my fault your team fucking sucks."

Alright, she wasn't really funny anymore. We didn't _suck_. "Uh…language?"

"Ohhh, I'm sorry, _dad_."

She didn't curse often, and it's not that I didn't want her using 'bad language' or whatever. Even when we were fighting, I actually found it hot, but it wasn't like Bella to curse – unless she  
was really mad or something.

"Cut it out. I'm not trying to be like your dad, alright? And we don't 'fucking suck'."

She shrugged and smirked. "Rangers suck, Flyers swallow."

"You think you're funny, huh? How about Bella sucks, Bella swallows?"

I said it because I knew she hated swallowing. As hard as it was, whenever she was giving me head, I always had to warn her before I came. I understood that she didn't like it, but  
when she was going down on me, it was so hard to focus on anything but what she was doing.

I couldn't see her blush in the dark, but I knew she was blushing, and I felt like I had won. I don't know what I was trying to win, and we weren't even trying to beat each other or  
anything, but I just felt…victorious.

She shrugged. "Who knows? Someday, maybe."

Fuck. That would be hot. "Don't tease."

When we got home, I parked my car in front of Bella's house and began walking her to her door, when she stopped and turned to me at the walkway. The lamp post was behind her, and  
her features seemed so soft from the dim light cast over her face. Her eyes looked almost black from the lack of light hitting them.

She put her hands on my arms and trailed them down, taking my hands in hers.

"Baby, thank you so much. Tonight was…perfect."

I winced. "Except for when you thought I was seeing someone behind your back."

She inched her face closer to mine, whispering her response. "We'll put that behind us."

"And also with the exception of me almost getting us kicked out of the arena."

She draped her arms around my neck and brought her face closer. I felt her breath on my lips when she spoke. "Well, that was kind of…hot…"

"Like you." I bent down and brushed my lips against hers slowly…once…twice…and then pressed my lips gently to hers. I felt her tongue press against my lower lip and opened my  
mouth to give her access. We kissed softly, and I wound my hands in her hair as I pulled her face impossibly closer.

Bella took me by surprise when she bit my lower lip, and I moaned as I pulled back and looked at her playfully. "Ow."

"That didn't sound like it hurt."

I bent down and kissed her neck, one of my favorite parts of her body. I nipped at it with my teeth, and her hands went to my hair, as always.

_Fuck_, I loved that.

"Edward…" She breathed out my name, and I moaned in response, feeling the familiar warm sensation in my stomach. "Baby, don't leave a mark there. What am I gonna tell my dad?"

I pulled back hesitantly and looked as innocent as I could. "Vacuum?"

"Riiight. It attacked my neck." I chuckled when I imagined her telling that to Charlie. I didn't want to stop, but I knew I should. "Thank you so much for the bag too, Edward. I don't  
know why you'd drop that much money on something like that. On a dumb bag."

I gave her a teasing look. "If it's dumb, I can return it. I don't wanna buy you something dumb."

"No! It's not dumb. It's perfect! I love it."

"Good. Enjoy using it."

We stood there for a few minutes, just staring at each other, when Bella broke the silence. "Edward?"

"Yeah, love."

"Why are you so…"

I cupped her cheek and rubbed it with my thumb. "What?"

"Perfect?"

Wow. Just…wow. I was nowhere near perfect, and it made me sad that she thought I was. I knew she wasn't looking for an answer. The question was rhetorical. "I'm…not. I have flaws."

"I don't see any. What's one flaw?"

I took a deep breath and let it out. I didn't know what to tell her. Not because I didn't have any flaws – trust me, I had many – but because I couldn't tell her the one thing I wanted to tell her.

I took a deep breath again. I guess I'd just tell her one of the simpler ones. "I…have a short temper."

She laughed. "That's nothing. And I told you…it was pretty sexy when you got mad at that guy today. Thank you…for sticking up for me like that."

"No need to thank me. Of course I'm gonna stick up for you. I would've beaten him into his seat if you hadn't told me to stop." I was glad she knew that I'd gotten mad because of what  
he'd called her, not because he said she spoke for me.

She laughed again, and I realized that she still didn't understand the control she had over me. If she hadn't told me to let it go, I would've clobbered that guy, no matter who told me to stop.

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head as she hugged me back. I rested my chin on her head and looked out at the houses behind her. I watched as a man and his  
young son got out of their car and went into their home, closing the door behind them. My mind drifted to the two boys we saw at the game, and I laughed.

"What?"

"I was just thinking about Evan and Blake."

It took her a second to remember who I was talking about, and she giggled when she remembered. "They were adorable."

"Yeah. They were." I couldn't help but think that if Bella and I were to have children, they would be like Evan and Blake with the Devils and Rangers. I knew we'd just begun dating, so I didn't  
want to say anything about it and scare her. It really was too soon to even think about things like that.

I didn't want to get ahead of myself, but honestly, I really did want that with Bella. A future, I mean. One that included marriage, kids, a house, and maybe a dog. A dog that would run around  
our backyard with our kids. Two children would be nice. Maybe three. At least one daughter to be a daddy's girl and one son to play sports with. Or chess. Whatever he would want.

It scared me to think about things like this, but not when my Bella was in the picture.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt Bella shiver in my arms. I pulled my head back to look at her, rubbing my hands on her back. I wished that I could keep her warm so she wouldn't  
have to go. I noticed for the first time that for a summer night, it was pretty chilly.

I didn't want to say what I was going to say next, but I had to. She was shaking. "Baby, you're cold. You should get inside."

She hugged me tighter and buried her face in my chest, mumbling her response. "No…I don't wanna leave."

I don't want you to leave either. I laughed. "Bells, I'm gonna see you tomorrow. We'll go out for breakfast."

She looked up at me. "I'll only go if I pay."

"That's fine. Then you can stay at home and I'll go."

She hit my chest, making me laugh again. "I'm paying."

"Ha, not a chance."

She looked genuinely sad, and I was shocked. I really didn't think it meant that much to her. I sighed. "Alright, baby. I'll tell you what…Let me take you out tomorrow, and you can take me  
out another day."

"And…?"

"And you can pay for everything."

"And…?"

I thought for a few seconds. What else was there? "Um…" I blinked a few times, and then sighed. "Sorry, Bells. I don't know what to say."

She ran her hand through my hair and grabbed the short hair on the back of my head. This time I shivered, but it wasn't from the chilly weather. "You're so cute. I just wanted to see what  
you would say. I don't want anything else." She leaned up and kissed my nose.

She shivered again, and keeping my arms around her, I got behind her and led her toward the door. "Come on. You're going inside."

She stopped walking, trying to stop me. Obviously, I just kept walking and she had no choice but to walk. Otherwise, she'd fall.

"Nice try."

She slapped my arm playfully. As we got to the door, she turned around and put her hands on the back of my neck, leaning up to kiss me as I leaned down.

"Thanks again, baby."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you had fun. You'll probably never hear this from me again, so listen closely." She gave me a confused look, and smiled when I spoke. "You guys played a good  
game. And maybe this one time, you guys played more aggressively than we did. And maybe we didn't play hard enough. Just this one time."

"And the Rangers suck?"

Was that what I said? "_No._"

"I'll make you say it someday."

"Never. Ah, and _maybe_…I love you."

"Well, maybe _I_ love _you_."

I gave her a chaste kiss and rubbed up and down her arms when she shivered again.

"Good night, Edward."

"Good night, baby."

After she turned and went inside, I began walking home.

When I walked in the front door, everyone was watching a movie, but instead of joining them, I went upstairs. I lied down on my bed, thinking about how lucky I'd been to ever meet someone  
like her, and for the first time, I felt as if _I_ was the one who didn't deserve someone as amazing as _her_.

* * *

**I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter, because I feel like my story is getting boring.  
And I don't want it to get boring!**

**Please, please, review!  
**


	16. And Wipe Those Lips, Baby

**Hey, guys! Sorry I took so long to update, but I think you guys will like this chapter!**  
**The songs for this chapter were chosen by Claire and Glenis.**

**Claire's song: "Say Aah" - Trey Songz**  
**Glenis' song: "Read Your Mind" - Avant  
**

**Thanks!**

**- JayBee  
**

* * *

**BPOV**

After Edward and I got past my suspicions of him cheating, things continued the way they were before. Almost perfect, apart from the little arguments we would have. After I went home that  
night, I realized how stupid it was of me to assume things like that, but in those moments, I don't stop to think if I'm being rational or not. Yeah, I still felt like I didn't deserve him at times, but  
things had calmed down enough that we could enjoy each other's company without any major worries.

We were going to a club tonight with Alice, Brian, and another couple, so Alice and I were shopping for outfits.

Alice had already picked out her outfit; a black sequined spaghetti-strap shirt with dark-wash skinny jeans and black heels. I was walking behind her as she looked through racks of clothes for  
me. I hated shopping when I was looking for something specific.

We were in H&M, and I stopped walking through the store, slumping my shoulders. "Aliiice, can't I just wear something from my closet?"

She turned around and walked over to me. "What? Absolutely not." That was all she said before she turned back around and continued walking through the store. She held something out in front  
of herself, and I jumped when she screamed. "Bella! This is _perfect_!" She turned toward me, holding up a silver halter top and black shorts. The shirt had a very low-cut back, and the shorts looked  
like they'd be _tight_.

I looked at her like she was crazy, and she gave me a disapproving look back. I liked wearing sexy clothes, but this was…too much. "Alice…I…"

"Come on! You'll look amazing in this! It's your size! And Edward will _love_ it. I'm getting it."

She turned and quickly walked over to the register, picking up a pair of heels on the way.

I ran over to her. "Alice! Okay, okay. We'll get them. But let me pay! They're for me."

She gave a simple "No." before turning back to the register and paying.

I sighed heavily as we walked out of the store. "You know, you Cullens need to learn how to let others pay once in a while."

Alice shrugged. "We do let others pay. I just wanted to pay this one time. And if you're talking about Edward…good luck on that one. He'd never let you pay for anything."

"He said I could take him out and pay for everything one day," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Like I said, good luck with that."

I wasn't going to argue with her about it. If Edward said I could take him out on a date, he'd keep his word.

"Bella, he loves you. A _lot_. Buying you things is just one of his ways of showing it."

"I know he does. It annoys me that he never lets me pay, but I'm glad that he's the type of guy to treat his girlfriends nicely."

She shook her head. "He didn't treat his other girlfriends the way he treats you, Bella. And trust me when I say he's never looked at them the way he looks at you."

I let her words linger as I thought about what she said. I knew he loved me, and I loved him. I adored the fact that others could see his love for me.

After walking around a little while longer, we got cinnamon buns from Cinnabon, and sat down, stuffing our faces.

"Oh, my God! I can never get over how good these are."

I dipped a piece in the extra cup of icing I got, and bit into it. "Mmmm. I know!" I had a few more pieces before speaking again. "I haven't seen Jessica in such a long time." She and Mike were the  
other couple coming with us tonight.

"Really? Oh! Did I tell you she got implants?"

"_What_? Like for…her boobs?"

"No, her forehead. Yes, her boobs!" Alice glanced around when she realized she screamed the last part.

We both cracked up, and people turned there heads to stare. I did _not_ care. I couldn't believe she'd gotten a boob job! Jessica got a boob job! How could someone not laugh? Mike was probably  
ecstatic.

We finished eating and left, blasting Backstreet Boys songs on the way home.

When we got home, I parked in front of my house and got out of the car.

"Thanks for the ride, Bella! I'll see you later." She turned and began walking home.

I held the shopping bag up. "Thanks for the…clothes!" I heard her laugh as I turned around to go inside.

The house was quiet when I got inside. "Dad?" I guessed he wasn't home because his car wasn't outside, but I just wanted to make sure. When I didn't hear an answer, I went upstairs, changed  
into comfy clothes, and lay down for a little bit.

I got up when I heard Edward's voice outside.

"_That's great! Just line up your knuckles!"_

I walked over to my window and looked down. I couldn't help but smile when I saw Edward with the little boy who lived in the house between ours. His name was Max, and he was only seven.  
It looked as if Edward was teaching him how to swing a baseball bat. I sat there for half an hour, just watching them. After spending time teaching him how to swing, Edward tried to teach him how  
to throw and catch the ball. Watching them was so entertaining, and they were so cute together. I opened my window to hear them better.

"_Max, look. Like this."_ Edward held a baseball in his left hand and a glove on the other one. Max had the ball in his right and the glove on his left, standing next to Edward. Edward brought his arm back  
and threw the ball as Max watched. It was Max's turn to throw the ball, but when he brought his arm back, Edward stopped him.

"_Wait. Don't throw it yet. Bring your arm allllll the way back."_ He held Max's wrist and pulled it back slowly as Max made n uncomfortable face. _"I know it feels weird. But the way you were gonna throw it is  
the way amateur's throw it. Bring your arm back as far as you can, and you'll be able to throw as far as Gardner."_

Max gave him a weird look and I laughed. _"Oh, yeah. You don't know who Gardner is, do you? I forgot you were a Mets fan. …We'll just have to change that."_ He laughed, but his face straightened when Max  
spoke.

"_My dad says I have to be a Mets fan."_ His glasses were falling down the bridge of his nose and he used his finger to push them back up.

I saw Edward's chest jut out as he took in a deep breath. _"You're dad. Right."_

He wanted to tell Max not to listen to his dad, but he knew it wasn't his place to say something like that. He didn't like Max's dad, and not because of the Mets thing. Mr. Radkey never really paid any  
attention to his son or his wife, and Edward always told me that he didn't know how amazing they were. He was away on business trips most of the time, and Edward said that once in a while Max  
would comment on how much he missed his dad. I was glad Edward would do things like this with him. And the amazing part was that Edward never let his anger show when he was doing things with  
Max.

Edward handed Max the bat again, showing him how to hold it. _"Remember what I said? Line up your back knuckles."_ He twisted Max's hands on the bat until they were placed correctly. _"Don't lock your  
knees. Bend them while you're standing so you don't get hurt when you swing the bat."_ Max bent his knees, and I laughed again because he looked so determined, but awkward. Such a cute kid. I noticed  
that his blonde hair was messy like Edward's, and I wondered if he'd done that on purpose.

"_Okay, let's try another stance. Look at me. Like this."_ Edward held his hands up as if he was holding a bat, and showed him how to stand. _"Look at my legs. Lean back and bend your back knee, but keep  
your front leg straight. When you swing the bat…"_ He swung in slow motion. _"…Lift your back heel and twist your ankle, like this."_ Max mimicked his actions, but it took him a few tries to get it down.

After a few minutes of doing it back-to-back, I knew Edward was going to fix Max's swing next, and I was right. _"Okay, your stance looks great, buddy. Swing the bat again."_ Max swung, and it was obvious  
he was getting tired. His swings weren't as quick as they were before. _"Great job. Just don't drop the bat halfway through your swing. Swing it allllll the way back. That way, you'll hit the ball harder. And you  
can hit home runs like Cano!"_ Max gave him a blank stare at the Yankee name and Edward tried again, his eyebrows shooting up as he spoke excitedly. "_You can hit home runs like David Wright!"_

"_Yeah!"_ I had to laugh at Max's reaction. It was so easy to get kids excited.

Edward went to stand behind him. _"Alright, Max. Swing. As hard as you can. And make sure you bring the bat all the way back. Far back enough so that it hits me."_

Max looked back. _"What?"_

Edward laughed. _"Hit me!"_

Max swung as hard as he could, and hit Edward. I knew it didn't hurt – the bat was made of plastic – but Edward fell on the ground, groaning and clutching just below his chest.

"_Awww…Maxxx…"_

Max turned around and got on his knees, pushing his glasses up with his finger again. _"Edward? I'm gonna call my mommy!"_

Edward laughed and got up, picking Max up and setting him on the ground. _"I'm just joking around! Don't call your mom. That was great, Max!"_ He threw his hands in the air. _"You're ready to be a pro!"_

"_Yeah!" _Max jumped up and down, and then stood still for a second._ "But…um…what's an achur?"_

Edward put one end of the bat on the ground and put a hand on the other end, leaning on it._"An achur?"_

"_You said I was gonna throw the ball like an achur. 'Member?"_

Edward's face lit up when he remembered what he'd said earlier. _"Ohhh! An amateur. An amateur is someone who…doesn't know what he – or she – is doing. Or like…someone who's new to something."  
_He was trying to make it as simple as possible for him, and for some reason, I loved that.

"_Max! Dinner!"_ I looked at the time when Max's mom opened the front door and called him in. 6:00. We still had a few hours before we had to leave tonight.

Max turned to Edward. "_I don't wanna go inside."_

Edward shrugged and brought a hand up. _"Sorry, bud. Whatever your mom says, goes."_

They walked toward the door together, Edward carrying everything as Max began running toward his mom.

"_Mom! Edward says I can be a pro!"_

"_Is that so? Well, if you become a pro and leave, who's going to keep your dad and me company?"_

Edward laughed as Max slumped his shoulders and went inside. _"Moooooommm…"_

"_Did you thank Edward?"_

I didn't hear Max because he was already inside, but Edward yelled out a, _"You're welcome!"_ so I guess he thanked him.

His mom turned back toward Edward and gave him a thankful look. _"Thank you so much, Edward. Really. He likes you a lot. And it means a lot to the both of us when you spend time with him. Especially  
since Mark doesn't really spend time with him…"_

Edward held his hand out to stop her. _"No problem, Mrs. Radkey. Honestly, it's my pleasure. Max is such a good kid. And he's great at this. But I think his glasses bother him when he plays."_

"_Trust me, I've tried asking him to wear contacts. He hates having anything go near his eyes."_

Edward and I laughed at the same time. _"I don't blame him. I'm the same way. And besides, he's still young for things like contacts, so don't worry. Maybe in a few years."_

She gestured inside. _"Do you want to have dinner with us? Or at least take some home."_

Edward put his hand on his stomach. _"It smells delicious, but no thanks. I gotta go. Thank you."_

She thanked him as he turned and began walking away. He quickly glanced up and did a double take when saw me, smiling as he jogged toward my house. I closed my window and went downstairs,  
opening the front door as he walked up to the house.

"Hey, baby." He bent down and gave me a kiss before we went upstairs.

He sat on my bed and I sat in his lap, facing him and bringing my arms around his neck as he put his hands on my waist. I winced at the contact, and I was glad he didn't notice.

"You and Max were so adorable out there."

"I like Maximilian. Such a good kid."

"Edward, his name is Maxwell…"

He laughed lightly. "I know. But I like 'Maximilian'. I think he likes it too, because he thinks of it as 'Maxi_million_'. And if he likes it, then that's what I'm calling him."

I kissed his chin. "I wish his dad paid as much attention to him as you do, baby."

"I do too." He put his hand on my thigh and drew circles with his thumb. It was silent for a few minutes before he spoke again. "Hanging out with him is good practice for me, you know?"

I looked at him and cocked my head. "Practice?"

"Yeah."

I froze for a second, and looked away when I realized what he was thinking. All I could do was force out a laugh. Was he talking about practicing for _our_ kids? Of course I wanted a…future…with  
Edward, but thinking of details like that was scary. I focused on his hand on my thigh. His long fingers, his nails...

He drummed his fingers on my thigh and removed his hand. I looked up at him, and it was obvious that he was…he wasn't happy. I didn't have to say anything. He knew what I was thinking.

I pushed myself off his lap and sat in front of him. "I'm sorry."

He smirked and reached his arms out, grabbing my hands and pulling me back onto his lap. "Get back here. Why are you sorry?" He tried to hold my gaze, but I looked away. "Babe, come on. Am I  
always gonna have to ask you to look at me?" I looked up at him, and the green of his eyes was soft and comforting. "Why are you sorry?"

"I'm sorry that I'm…that I can't…you knew my laugh was fake." I just wanted to apologize for not being as ready as he was for the future he wanted.

"Of course I knew." He shrugged. "But it's okay. I get it. I know how you are with commitment, Bella. I just thought I'd…put it out there. I should be the one apologizing. I know it's too soon."

"It's scary."

"It _is_ scary. I agree. And we haven't been dating for a long time at all. But…I've known you for over half of my life, Bella. It doesn't feel as if we've _just_ begun dating." To be honest, I agreed. It felt  
like we'd been together for a few years now, and it made me feel even closer to him. "And I'm not thinking about having kids right now or anytime soon. Just…someday."

"You've really thought this through."

He gave a sheepish smile. "A little, yeah. The only thing I'm sure of is that I want kids some time in my life."

I thought about it for a second before answering truthfully. "I do, too."

He let out a heavy sigh. "I wanna have them with _you_." He dropped his head and I was shocked, only because I was usually the one to look away at times like these.

I bent my head down, trying to look into his eyes. "Excuse me, sir. Am I always gonna have to ask you to look at me?"

He let out a small laugh as he brought his head up. "I shouldn't have brought this up and thrown it on you like this. There's no point in speaking about this right now. And scaring you away is the  
last thing I wanna do."

To be honest, thinking about having children still felt…weird, but I had to admit that it actually wasn't so bad if I thought about Edward being there with me.

I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know before I thought about the actual process of giving birth and had second thoughts. It must have been so hard for him to even bring this up.

"You can never scare me away." I looked into his eyes and held his gaze for a while. "I wanna have kids with you, too, Edward."

He wrapped his arms around me and I reveled in the warmth of his body, leaning into his chest.

I listened to his heartbeat as we sat there for a while.

I looked up at him when he sighed again. "I can't wait to marry you one day, Bella."

The thought of being married to Edward was…amazing. And the feeling took me by surprise. I was glad he'd brought up this topic. Thinking of having a future with someone always scared me, but  
the way he spoke about it made it seem as if everything would work out.

At that moment, I thought of a small problem we might come across with the kids. "There's just one condition. With the kids, I mean."

"What is it?"

"However many we have, they have to be Devils fans."

He looked down at me with an incredulous look. "All of them?"

"Yeah."

He dropped his arms, but I stayed in his lap. "No deal. I'm not living with a bunch of Devils fans."

"I already broke the promise I made to myself about not dating any Rangers fans, Edward, and now I just spoke about _marrying _one." I looked away. I really hoped that he wouldn't bring up the fact  
that Jake was a Rangers fan.

"Oh, well I'm sorry for making you break your promise to yourself."

I looked back at him, and it was obvious that he wasn't thinking about Jake at all. Did he think I regretted being with him? "Baby, that's not what I meant. That came out wrong."

"I'm not saying they all have to be Rangers fans, Bella. But what you want isn't fair to me!"

He was whining, and I had to stop to really look at him, because it was freaking adorable. He _rarely_ ever whined.

…But I still didn't want my kids to be Rangers fans. "I don't wanna be rooting against my own kids."

"You think _I_ want that? I want someone on my side, too."

I knew that what he wanted made more sense…

I'd never admit that, though. "Okay. They don't all have to be Devils fans…"

"Thank you."

He bent down to give me a kiss, but I pulled away. "…If you say the Rangers suck."

He laughed. "I don't know how many times I have to say 'never' before you understand that I'll never say it."

I decided to let it go for now, because I don't think anyone could ever make me say my Devils sucked.

I guess he didn't want to talk about it anymore either – I didn't blame him – because he picked me up and laid me down on the bed as he hovered over me. I had no idea where this came from, but I  
was _not_ complaining.

He smiled as he held the hem of my shirt with both hands, pulling it up as he looked at me. I winced again and his smile faltered. There was no doubt that he'd noticed this time.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." It was a wasted effort. I knew he wouldn't believe me.

He looked down and dropped my shirt quickly, moving his head to look at the left side of my body with wide eyes. "What is this?"

"Oh, yeah."

He looked at me then, eyes still wide. "Oh, _yeah_?" He checked my other side.

"It's only on one side."

He pushed himself off the bed and kneeled down next to me, reading the tattoo that covered me from the side of my hip to my underarm. "Wow. It's…well, it's not small. Why didn't you tell me you  
were getting a tattoo?"

I turned my head to look at him and shrugged. "I knew you would try to stop me, and then we would probably end up fighting."

He looked up at me quickly before looking back down at the tattoo. "And you just got it so that even if I didn't approve, you already had it and there was nothing I could do about it."

He didn't sound like he was scolding me, but I had to make sure. "Are you mad?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, no. Don't think that. Sorry if that sounded mean. It's your body, baby. You can do whatever you want to it. I'm just…shocked." He laughed, bringing his hand up to  
touch it. He pulled his hand back just as quickly, because obviously, if he touched it, it would hurt. "And now, guys have even more of a reason to stare at you."

"_More_?"

He got back on the bed and put his hands on either side of my head, holding his body over mine "Babe, come on. You're beautiful. And imagine how hot this is gonna look when you're wearing your  
bikini."

Relief washed over me. He liked it. "It looks good?"

He nodded as he bent his head down and kissed my forehead. "It's pretty…"

My nose. "…fucking…"

And finally my lips. "…sexy."

We kissed softly for a few seconds, but he pulled away before we could get any further, and laughed when he heard me protest.

"When did you get it? I just saw you the other day."

I laughed, because I knew a swarm of questions were coming up. "Two days ago."

"Did you go alone?"

"No."

I tried not to laugh at the long silence that followed.

"…Do you wanna tell me who went with you?"

Not really.

"Alice."

He nodded slowly. "And I'm guessing she got one too?"

This was exactly why I didn't want to tell him who I went with. He was probably going to get mad at her. "Just a small star on the back of her neck. Babe, please don't act like you're her father or  
something when you get home."

"Stop. Saying that. I'm not mad. I don't care if she got a tattoo." I couldn't tell if he was lying or not, which was weird, because usually, I was able to tell. "I'm just glad it wasn't Brian's name or some  
shit like that." That sounded more truthful, and I laughed as he looked back at my tattoo. "Did it hurt?"

"Um…not as much as I thought it would. I just got impatient waiting for the guy to finish it. It's sore now, but the pain should go away by tomorrow or the next day."

"So, who is it about?"

It was a tattoo of lyrics from Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters." I got it done in two lines, because it didn't all fit in one line. That probably made it look even bigger.

The lyrics read_: So close, no matter how far. Couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trust in who we are. …And nothing else matters._

He knew they were Metallica lyrics, but I don't know why he asked who it was about. It was clearly about him. Who else would it be about? "Baby, can I ask you something?" I sat up and looked down  
at my stomach, pulling my shirt back down.

Edward got off and sat in front of me. "Of course."

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

He looked panicked for a second and then relaxed a bit. "No. Why?"

"When you gave me the tickets to the game that day, you were so happy that I was gonna take you, and it was like you didn't expect me to take you with me." When he heard what I wanted to  
ask about, he relaxed a lot more, and it was easier for me continue. "And now…why are you asking me who the tattoo's about? Isn't it obvious? It's about us."

"I don't know. I thought maybe it could be about a best friend or something…"

"Well, who would that be?" Now that we were dating, were we not best friends anymore? That's not how these things worked.

He smiled, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. "Me."

I made a goofy face, and was relieved when he laughed. "Duhhh!"

He looked away. "Bells, I didn't wanna bring this up. I mean, I got mad at you when _you_ said this. But I feel like…you could do so much better than me, baby. I don't des –"

Was he fucking kidding me? My face dropped. "Edward, don't say that. Ever. I don't wanna hear that shit." He looked back at me when I cursed. I'm glad I got his attention, because this was ridiculous.  
This walking Greek God that every girl wanted thought_ he_ didn't deserve _me_? Unbelievable. "I told you that you were perfect, Edward. And I meant it. Don't think you're anything less."

He kept quiet and I brought my head next to his, whispering in his ear. "I love you so much, baby."

"I love you, too, Bella. Always."

I couldn't see him like this, and for such a stupid reason. He sounded so sad.

I smiled then, because I knew something that would cheer him up for the time being. I tugged at his earlobe with my teeth and he shuddered, taking the hint.

God, he was _adorable_.

"Ungh…Bella, we don't have time."

Then I'd make time. Because right now, I needed him, and I wanted to make him feel good.

I moved my head enough to look out the window. The sun was only beginning to set. "We have plenty of time." I slid off the side of the bed and kneeled down. He was just sitting there watching me,  
and I realized that he didn't know what I wanted. I reached over the bed and grabbed his ankles, pulling him to the side of the bed so that his legs were dangling off. I put my hands on his thighs and  
felt his muscles tense as I pushed myself up, bringing my face right in front of his. "Baby…"

His voice was breathy when he spoke. "Yeah."

I thought twice about telling him what I wanted to do to him and kept quiet for a second. He turned his head to the side and his eyes were already a shade darker. I loved the way he could get  
worked up so quickly.

He bent his head slightly and kissed me fervently, wasting no time. I felt his tongue battle with mine before he moved to my neck. He bit it lightly and licked at the same spot, pulling away quickly.  
I moved my head to look at him, and his face looked…disgusted?

He looked back and forth between my eyes and my neck. "Did you put something on your neck?"

_Shit._ "Lotion." It was unscented, but I guess it tasted bitter.

Note to self: Your boyfriend likes kissing and nibbling on your neck. Stop putting crap on it.

"Is it on your entire body?" I looked at him apologetically and nodded. He moved a bit, and I stood up as he got off the bed and walked toward the door. What was he doing?

I smiled when he closed and locked it, turning on the light before walking back over with a huge smirk on his face. "Now, what were you doing on the floor a little while ago? Was there something  
you wanted?"

I put my hands on his shoulders as I pushed myself up and whispered in his ear again. Edward loved dirty talk, and I knew what he wanted to hear.

"Your cock…in my mouth."

"_Fuck_." He grabbed my hips and I gasped in pain. "Sorry." He put his right hand on my arm and his hands moved over my body as I slid down.

His hands were on the button of his jeans, popping it open before pulling down his zipper. He was already hard as I pulled his pants down. I licked him through his boxers a few times before sucking  
on the head of his dick, eliciting a low moan from him.

"Ugh…fuck yeah…suck it…_fuck_…more…"

I knew his nice side had gone out the window. He was starting to get pushy, which was amusing.

I hooked my thumbs over his waistband and pulled his boxers down his legs, looking up at him as he grabbed his dick and stroked it a few times.

He trailed the head along my lips and let out a soft groan before tapping my bottom lip with it. "Open your mouth."

Did he think he had control? That was _not_ how this was happening. I gave a close-mouth smile and backed away when he thrust his hips forward.

"Bel_laaa_…come _onnn_." He whimpered and I had to stop myself from laughing. Pushy Edward was gone already. This was too fun. "Please, baby?"

"Alright…Since you asked nicely…"

I knew he loved the teasing almost as much as I did, even if he didn't admit it.

I wrapped my hand around his shaft and bent my head forward, licking the tip, tasting the pre-cum that had already formed there. I didn't like thinking that his cum was in my mouth, but I told  
myself to get the fuck over it – because seriously, it wasn't something he controlled. I took the head of his cock in my mouth and licked around the rim, then pressed the tip of my tongue into  
the slit. He took in a sharp breath and I held onto his hips when his knees buckled. I took him out of my mouth and stroked him slowly a few times as he took a few steps back and sat on the bed.  
I scooted closer between his legs and took the head in my mouth again, suckling on it gently.

Edward let out a low moan and lay back, propping himself up on his elbows to watch. I engulfed as much of his cock as I could, and used my hands to stroke what I couldn't fit in my mouth. His  
head dropped back and he groaned, spreading his legs wider. I took that as an invitation and brought one of my hands down to fondle his balls lightly.

He thrust his hips up slightly and began panting I loved seeing him come undone.

I put my hands on his hips to hold them down and moaned loudly. He grunted, and – _fuck_ – no sound was more beautiful than the sounds he made at times like this. I felt myself getting wet, but  
ignored it as best as I could.

"Bella…_unghhh_…shit…shit_shit_…" His hand went to my head and he ran his fingers through my hair. I knew he was trying hard not to push my head down.

I pulled my mouth off of him, stroking him quickly as I spoke. "Baby…look at me." He managed to bring his head up and roll it to the side, laying it on his shoulder, eyes clenched shut. I slowed down  
my strokes and squeezed his cock, causing more pre-cum to leak out as I rubbed my thumb over the head, spreading it around. I brought my face close to his cock, making sure he felt my breath  
on it when I spoke. "Open your eyes, Edward…_please_?" I asked like a little kid and pouted.

His eyes opened into little slits and he groaned. "Oh, fuck. Don't pout right now, Bella. …Too…too much…" I relaxed my throat before taking him in all the way. "_Jesus_ – fuck!"

I wrapped my thumb and index finger around the base of his cock, bobbing my head up and down and sucking hard on the head when I got to the tip.

"Shit, baby…just…_fuck_…just like that…harder…_ughhhhhh_…" He started grunting and I felt his dick twitch against my tongue. He was close.

He tugged gently at my hair, and pushed at my shoulders when I didn't move. He was panting hard. "Bella…I'm cl – I'm close." I pressed my tongue flat against the head of his dick, and quickly  
considered swallowing. The thought grossed me out, but he would love it. And I began this whole thing to make him feel better, right? "_Baby_…I can't…shit…I can't hold it…" He shut his eyes tightly  
and his mouth hung open.

I thought against swallowing at the last moment and had another idea. I pulled my mouth off, but instead of finishing him off with my hands, pulled my hands away as well.

His eyes snapped open, and _shit_, they were almost black. "What are you…what are you doing?"

He was going to fucking kill me. "Say it."

"H-huh? Baby, _please_…please. Finish me off…"

"Say it."

"Say _what_? Make me cum and I swear. I swear I'll say anything you want. Just…please."

I looked down at his cock, the head red and swollen. This was for him and I felt bad for him, but if there was any time I could make him say it, it would be now. "Say the Rangers suck."

"What? N-n-no." He was speaking through his teeth.

I bent my head down and licked from his balls to the tip of his cock. He hissed and thrust his hips up as I brought my head back up. "Say it."

I _really _didn't know why I was doing this. As I said, I loved seeing him come undone like this, but he looked _pissed_.

"Fuck this." He brought a hand down to his dick, obviously going to finish himself off.

I grabbed both of his wrists and pinned them to his sides. "I hope you know that you're not coming until you say it."

And these were the kinds of things that let me know he loved the teasing. He could have easily pulled his wrists free of my grasp. Instead, he lay there, letting me do this to him.

I felt my own desire rise even more, and rubbed my thighs together to try to relieve some pressure. Edward was staring at my legs, and I bent down again, taking him in my mouth as I lightly  
scraped my teeth against his length.

He gasped unsteadily. "Ah! Okay! Okay, they suck. The Rangers suck!"

I was going to make him say it again, but he would definitely murder me. I scraped my teeth against his shaft again as he let out a loud moan. "Fucking…I'm gonna – _unghh!_ – cum! Bella, get off!"

I sucked hard on his length as I moved my head up, flicking my tongue against the head before taking him completely out. I brought my hand in front of his cock just in time to catch his spurts of  
release, and his body went limp as he let out a heavy sigh. He propped himself up on his elbows and stared at me as I looked down at my palm. I scooped up some of his cum on my finger and  
brought it to my mouth, tasting it.

It…wasn't bad, actually. Kind of bitter, but kind of…sweet? Nothing I couldn't get used to. I looked up at Edward and bit my bottom lip as I smiled at him.

"Fucking…damn, Bella." That's all he said before he fell back on the bed and I got up to wash my hands.

When I got back, he was still lying down on the bed. His pants were pulled up, but his zipper was down. I walked over to him and zipped him up before lying down on top of him with my head  
on his chest.

"I told you I'd make you say it someday."

He turned his head to me. "You're evil."

"Are you mad?"

I was relieved when he shook his head and smirked. "Not at all. But no one can ever know that I said that. No one." He stroked my hair. "But that completely took me by surprise, Bella.  
I wasn't…mad. Just frustrated."

I giggled and brought my hand to his, lacing our fingers together. "That's the whole point."

"I know." He brought my hand up and kissed it. "Thank you, baby."

"It was my pleasure."

He laughed at what I said and pulled his hand out of mine, trailing it down my body. "You didn't seem completely…satisfied before." His hand dipped into my sweatpants and I gasped before  
bringing my hand over his and stopping him.

"Baby, we _really _don't have time." I regretted stopping him, but we had to get ready. He looked at the time and sighed, pulling his hand out.

"Can I watch you get ready?"

Sometimes, he was too cute for words.

"Oh. I'm going dressed like this." I was in sweats and a t-shirt – obviously not club apparel.

He gave me a once over with a confused look on his face. "Really?"

I sat up and he followed. "Yeah. You said even dressed like this, I was more beautiful than any other girl."

He nodded his head. "And I meant it. That's fine. You can wear whatever you want to."

And sometimes, he was too gullible.

But I couldn't really say anything. I was more gullible than he was. I laughed at him and he laughed back, realizing I was kidding. "Edward, I'm not going dressed like this! I just wanted to see  
what you'd say. Come on."

We stood up and Edward went home to get ready. When he got back, I was only halfway done getting ready.

His hair was wet and combed back. He'd obviously just gotten out of the shower.

"Bells, can I use your gel? I ran out."

"Yupp."

He went into the bathroom, and I almost told him to leave his hair the way it was, only because he looked so different that way. I loved his hair when it was combed back, but I rarely saw it like  
that. I didn't even bother telling him not to change it. He'd never go somewhere with his hair like that.

He came back a few minutes later, his hair in its usual spiky mess. In a way, I was happy he didn't keep it combed back. I don't think I've ever seen someone pull off the bed-head look as well as  
Edward does.

Instead of complaining about me not being ready, he sat on my chair and watched me run around getting dressed and putting on makeup. I did my hair last, making it pin-straight.

"Bells?"

"Yeah, babe."

"What if we only have one kid? Then what?"

"Um…" I turned my head around to look at him. He was talking about the hockey teams. "Then he or she chooses."

"So then, if we have more than one, can they all just choose who they want?"

I smiled at him, loving the fact that he wanted them to choose. _Them._ It was strange thinking about children…we were nowhere near having them. And yet, I actually liked thinking about  
raising kids with Edward.

It amazed me that my thoughts about having children with someone had changed completely. The feeling of fear was gone, and I was so glad.

"That would be great, Edward. It's only fair. For them and for us."

"Do you think it's weird that we're talking about kids and we haven't had sex yet?"

"No." Why would that be weird?

"Good."

I turned back around, still smiling as I continued with my hair. When I was done, I turned off my hair straightener and turned around to face him. "So?"

He stood up immediately and walked over to me, putting his hands on my upper arms and bending his head down to give me a quick kiss on the lips. "You look so sexy, baby."

"So do you. Look at those _huge biceps_." I squeezed his bicep, half-teasing him.

I say half, because…well, he did have big arms. He was wearing a dark green t-shirt and ripped jeans, looking pretty sexy himself.

He laughed and I grabbed his hand, pulling him along as I left my room and walked down the stairs, leaving my house.

"Mm, mm, mm."

I dropped his hand and turned around. He was shamelessly staring at my ass, and I laughed. "What are you doing?"

"Enjoying the view." He looked back up at me. "Babe, don't take this the wrong way, but you kind of remind me of Sammi right now."

"Sammi?"

"From Jersey Shore."

My jaw dropped. "Edward! She's like a slut!"

He shrugged. "She's hot."

I raised an eyebrow. Because of my hair and the way I was dressed, I understood what he meant. But Sammi? Really?

He gave me a huge grin. "But you're the hottest."

"Nice save."

We walked over to his house, waiting for Alice and Brian to come out. Emmett was mad that he couldn't come, and I didn't blame him. It sucked being too young to do things.

We got in the Audi Q7, picking up Jessica and Mike on the way to the club.

When we got out of the car and began walking toward the club, I noticed Edward blatantly staring at Jessica's chest. I elbowed him and opened my eyes wide, glaring.

He rubbed his arm. "Ow…what? I can't help it. They're so huge. And ugly." I was glad to hear him say they were ugly, because seriously, I couldn't compete with her. They were freaking  
_humongous_. "One of them is like the size of your head." Everyone stared at us as we laughed. Edward was exaggerating, but they could've been the size of _someone's_ head.

When we got into the club, we found a little lounge area in the corner and sat down, just talking and drinking for a while.

I went up to dance with Alice and Jessica, and the guys just hung out by the lounge. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned around with a huge grin.

"Edwa…_Jake_?"

"Hey, Bells! What are you doing here?"

"Uh…" Jake? Here? Why? Why now? "I'm here with uh…Alice…and a couple of old friends."

"Oh…" He took a step toward me. I'd forgotten how big – and welcoming – his grin was.

"And – and – Edward!" I quickly glanced back and noticed that the girls had left.

"Oh." He took a step back, and I relaxed. Why had I even panicked? And why hadn't I mentioned Edward before? My mind was racing. But why? Should I be mad at Jacob? I know he didn't get  
me that drunk on purpose the day we went out, but Edward would flip out if I started talking to Jake again. "You guys are…dating now, right?"

"How'd you know?"

He shrugged and laughed. "People talk." We stood there in silence for a few seconds, the sounds of music blasting and people screaming surrounding us. "Bells, he's not as amazing as you  
think he is."

I felt my anger rise immediately. "Yes. He. _Is!_ He's more amazing than I could ever fucking imagine." He jumped a bit and I didn't blame him, because I scared myself when I yelled. I don't know  
where the anger came from, but I was fuming. Who was he to bring Edward down like that?

I felt an arm wrap around my waist and pull me back toward the body it was attached to. If not from the grip and the feel of the body, I knew it was Edward because he made sure not to touch  
my tattoo. "Don't fucking call her Bells. Come on, baby." He didn't sound mad, and I knew he was trying to keep things calm.

"Dude, she can speak for herself."

I felt Edward's body stiffen as his arm tightened around me. He turned us around and we began walking away when I looked up at him. "Wait." He gave me a confused look as I walked back the  
short distance to Jacob.

I didn't care if he hadn't gotten me drunk on purpose. Edward would've made sure I didn't get anywhere near the drunken state I was at that night. "You're not allowed to call me Bells." I held  
both middle fingers up. Edward could speak for me whenever he wanted to. "_Fuck you_, Jacob! Enjoy your fucking life."

Damn. That felt good.

I turned back around and Edward was beaming at me as I smiled back.

"You know, Edward, maybe it's time you told her!"

I looked up at Edward as we walked away. "Tell me what?"

He looked down at me shaking his head. "I don't know, baby. He's fucking delusional."

I wasn't going to disagree that Jacob had issues.

"Bells, please tell me you noticed that he was gonna flirt with you before you mentioned my name."

He'd seen it. Which meant that he knew I hadn't mentioned his name at first. "Yeah…I – I noticed." Neither of us said anything else.

As we were walking back to the lounge area, a techno remix of "Umbrella" blasted throughout the club and Edward looked at me with wide eyes. I laughed as he grabbed my hand and jerked  
me toward the dance floor. I was glad he let the whole Jacob thing blow over.

I turned around and led him to the center of the dance floor. I didn't care that we were surrounded by so many people. He stood behind me and I turned my back to him as he grabbed my hips. I  
pushed his left hand lower on my hip.

He brought his head down to my ear as we began grinding. "Sorry, baby. I forgot."

"It's okay."

I rotated my hips in a circle and thought I heard him grunt. Keeping my legs straight, I bent my body forward, bending all the way down and touching the ground. When I shook my ass, I was _sure_  
I heard him grunt. I felt his hand on my bare back, and I looked back at him with a smirk.

"Fuck, Bella. Hell yeah."

I rolled back up, my head turned to the side, and he brought his head down. His lips met mine and our eyes closed as his fingers splayed across my stomach as he pulled me closer to his body.

I felt his tongue wrestle with mine as our grinding gradually slowed down until we stopped completely. I turned around and grabbed his hair with both hands, causing him to moan into my mouth  
as I moaned back.

He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine as I opened my eyes to look at him.

"I wish we were home right now."

I gave him a peck on the lips and nodded, because yeah, that sounded great. We couldn't just leave, though. He gave me a kiss before holding my hand and leading me back to the lounge area.

We hung out for a few more hours – drinking, dancing, talking to people – and left around 2:00. I didn't realize how tired I was until we got in the car. Brian was our designated driver, so I was  
glad that I got to sit in the back with Edward.

I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up to Edward calling my name. I was curled up into a ball, half on the car seat and half in Edward's lap. I looked up at him and stretched my body out, going  
back to sleep.

I heard him laugh and he poked my arm. "Babe, come on. Everyone's already home."

"Good." I didn't care. I didn't want to get up. Edward was warm, and his legs made a comfy pillow.

"Izzy, come on. Get up. You just have to walk a few feet, and then you can go inside and sleep."

"Can you…not…call me that?" He did it just to make me get up, but again, I was too comfy.

I heard him sigh and mumble a "You're impossible." before I felt him slip out from under me and get out of the car. He picked me up and carried me, with one arm under my knees and another under  
my back. I cracked an eye open to look at him and opened my eyes fully when I saw the way he was looking down at me.

"Put me down."

He set me down a few feet from the front door of my house. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I should be the one asking you that. Why did you look so sad just now?"

"Just…a bad memory."

Bad memory? "Do you wanna…" I couldn't stop the yawn that escaped, and Edward laughed. "…Talk about it?"

"No, baby. It's nothing big, and it's in the past. Please, just go sleep. You're swaying back and forth." I let out a weak laugh as he laughed again.

He put a hand on each of my arms and pushed me toward the front door.

Wait.

I realized he paid for everything again tonight! I turned around. I meant for my voice to be stern, but it sounded…sleepy. "Edward, when am I gonna pay for everything when we go out?"

"Bella."

"Hmm?"

"Your eyes are closed." He stifled a laugh.

_What?_ I snapped my eyes open. When had I closed my eyes?

"How about you just make it to your bed without tripping up the stairs for tonight, and we'll figure out when you're gonna pay another day? You're tipsy, you're falling asleep; I'm kind of drunk, and  
I wanna sleep, too."

"'Kay. Can I get a kiss?"

"Yes, baby. You don't have to ask."

He bent down and gave me a quick kiss before pulling back. "I love you, Bella. Good night."

"Good night…love you…too."

I opened the door slowly, walking up the stairs and into my room with the same pace. I walked to my window and looked down. Edward was still standing in front of my house, looking up at my  
bedroom window. I waved at him, and he waved back before turning around to go home.

I took my shirt and shorts off, my head barely touching my pillow before I fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

**Hope you guys liked! Let me know what you thought!**  
**Reviews are like...grinding with Edward.**

**And you guys are gonna LOVE the next chapter. I'm sure it's something a lot of you have been waiting for, haha.**


	17. If I Cut My Hair, Hawaii Will Sink

**I hope you guys like this chapter! It took me a while to write it.**

**The song for this chapter is "All Around Me" by Flyleaf.**

**Okay, that song really fits the love that Edward feels for Bella, but I also have to mention the song "Situations" by Escape the Fate, because that song is so fun.  
It's a completely different feel than "All Around Me," but I love it.  
**

**Enjoy!**

_**"My hands are searching for you,**_  
_ **My arms are outstretched towards you.**_  
_ **I feel you on my fingertips,**_  
_ **My tongue dances behind my lips for you.**_

_**My hands float up above me**_,  
_ **And you whisper you love me**_.  
_ **And I begin to fade**_,  
_ **Into our secret place."**_

** - JayBee**

**

* * *

**

**EPOV**

"Mom and dad are going out tonight, right?"

"They already left. They're going to Fordham to check out the dorm rooms with Emmett again. And they're staying the night this time."

Good. "And you?"

Alright, I knew I was being annoying, but I had to ask. I had to make sure.

She sighed heavily. "I don't know…I'll find something to do. Obviously you don't want anyone home."

A black Labrador Retriever ran up to me then, and I bent down to pet it as I looked up at Alice. "Thanks. And sorry. I just wanna be alone with Bella tonight."

The dog's owner ran up to us and apologized as she grabbed the leash and took him away. I stood up and continued walking with Alice. I loved this park. I've had some of my best  
walks and talks here. And the weather was perfect today. I wish summer was like this every single day. Sunny and breezy, so I wasn't dying of heat.

"You guys are always alone."

"No. I wanna be _alone_ alone." When I saw the look on her face, I knew what she was thinking. That was_ not_ was I thinking about when I said I wanted to be _alone_ with Bella.

"_Oh_."

"No. I don't mean _that_. I'm gonna make dinner for her, and I want it to be just the two of us."

"Oh. Well…that's really sweet, Edward."

"Thanks. I try." I said it as a joke, but to be honest with myself, I was serious. I actually thought about what I could do for Bella. I wanted to do something special for her, and making  
dinner seemed safe enough. As long as I didn't burn the house down, it would be a success.

"You know…sometimes, I really wish Brian would do things like that. Like make me dinner…or surprise me with tickets to a hockey game. He doesn't even like sports!" She threw her hands  
up in the air and laughed humorlessly. "Who am I gonna speak to about hockey?"

It didn't take a genius to figure out that something wrong between them. They didn't act the way they used to act with each other, and I didn't know if I should be happy that they  
weren't always on top of each other, or be sad that they were having problems.

I knew she didn't care about the sports thing; she just wanted someone to do things with.

But I answered anyway. "Me."

"But you said the Rangers suck!"

My face froze. "How do you know that?"

"Pfft. Bella told me. Obviously. Why do you look surprised?"

"Huh…"

I sat down on a nearby bench and Alice followed, sitting next to me as she brought her hands up in panic. "But don't tell her I told you!"

I gave her a look. Of course I was gonna tell Bella. She had some explaining to do. "Alice, she shouldn't have told you in the first place."

"Well, she was good with keeping everything else a secret. I wondered how she would get _you_ of all people to say something like that. So I asked her. She wouldn't tell me, though."  
That cooled me down a bit. I mean, I didn't really want my sister knowing about my sex life. I know girls talked about that crap, so I was glad Bella didn't say anything. "So can I know?"

"Know what?"

"How she got you to say it. I'd like to know how to get your stubborn ass to do things you don't wanna do."

I'd rather you didn't know. "Uh…no. It's something…that only Bella can do." And that was as far of an explanation as I was going to give her. I don't know if she got what I meant, but  
she didn't argue. "So…what's going on with you and Brian?"

"Nothing. Literally. Nothing is going on. Our relationship is based on arguments and sex."

I cringed. I didn't want to hear about her having sex. Or doing anything with that dumbass. "Um…Alice…can you please just tell me one thing about that kid that's good? Just so I can  
see something positive in him. I don't wanna hate someone you're dating. He's just so…_annoying_." It was no secret that I couldn't stand anything about him.

She sighed and looked up at the branches that provided the bench with a shade. "I don't know." She looked back at me. "He's hot."

He's hot? Who gives a shit? "That's not really something I care about. Tell me something else. I mean…how do you even trust him? He looks like such a sleaze. And I'm not saying that  
to make you mad."

"Says the manwhore of New York."

I threw my head back and laughed. "I don't cheat on my girlfriends. I just like to…have fun when I'm single."

She looked disgusted as she spoke. "Yeah. I know. My room isn't far from yours, and our walls aren't sound-proof."

Oh, shit. I bit my bottom lip to keep from bursting out laughing. "Alright, alright! I get it. Now, tell me something else about him that's good."

She let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know, Edward." We sat there for a few minutes and she began crying out of nowhere. I looked away quickly. I was not prepared for that, and  
I didn't want to see her crying over a fucking douchebag. I looked back at her and she looked down, the way Bella always did.

I didn't ask Alice to look at me the way I did with Bella, though.

I was so glad this kid wasn't here. I would've chucked a fucking rock at his head without thinking twice.

I leaned back and stared at the kids playing tag on the playground. I wish I was that age again. A little kid, with no major problems in life. With nothing to hide from anyone and  
nothing to threaten my relationship with the people I love. For major _personal _reasons, I didn't let myself think any deeper about it, and turned back to Alice.

"What happened?…We don't have to talk about him if –"

"He said I was ugly."

"He's blind."

"And that I didn't deserve him."

"You deserve better."

What the fuck? I had to try to keep my composure. My blood was fucking boiling. I reminded myself that we were at a park, and I wasn't going to blow up here.

"And it hurt, Edward. A lot. I acted like I didn't care when he said it, though. And at first, I didn't. But when you keep hearing the same things…"

"Alice, you're fucking beautiful, okay? And you deserve someone so much better than him."

She finally looked up at me, her face blotchy. "Edward, calm down. Please."

"I _am_ calm." My voice was low. In a situation like this, that meant I was calm. "Tell me you don't believe him."

"I don't. I don't think I'm ugly…"

She was lying. And because of that, I wondered how many times he'd told her these things. I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to know. I knew that he'd said it enough times.

"And you deserve better." She kept quiet and at that moment, I wished that he _was_ here. I would've fucking murdered him and enjoyed it. "Alice, how can you think otherwise? You  
think you deserve someone who treats you this way? Who abuses you?"

"He's not abusing me."

"Why would you stick up for him? He's hurting you, Alice. You wouldn't have brought it up and freaking cried if it didn't bother you. It might not be anything severe, but it's abuse. Why didn't  
you say anything sooner?"

"I don't know. Why are you making it into such a big deal?"

I just stared at her. Was she kidding? "How is this not a big deal? Did you expect me to be fine with this? Oh, someone's making my sister feel ugly and worthless. Yeah, that's not  
a big fucking deal at all…"

"Please don't tell mom and dad."

I wasn't planning on it. "I'm not going to." It would hurt them to hear this.

Her hands shot up again. "And don't say anything to Brian! I'll deal with it…"

I didn't want to ask her the next question that came to mind, but as terrified as I was to hear the answer, I had to ask. I took a deep breath. "Does he hurt you?"

"What?"

"Physically."

It took her a second to answer and a million things ran through my mind as I panicked.

"No." She dropped her head again. This time, I had to have her look at me.

"Alice, I'm begging you, don't lie about this. I swear to you, I won't tell anyone." If it was true and she didn't want me to tell anyone, I wouldn't. I _would _find him, though. And he would  
never see her again.

She looked up at me and when I looked through her tears, I felt my body go limp as I let out a breath of relief. She wasn't lying. "I'm not lying, Edward. He doesn't hit me or anything."

"Are you gonna see him tonight? You can stay at home with Bella and me. Or I can just invite her over another night. I haven't even invited her over yet. We can just watch movies if  
you want to. Just the two of us. Or bake cookies! I did that with Bella a few times. She tells me everything I have to do, though, so you have to guide me through it." She laughed, not  
knowing that I was completely serious about the cookies. I smiled, because wow, it felt so good to see her laugh.

I had no idea what to offer or tell her to make her feel better. I just didn't want to see her like this. Especially over a guy who put her down that way.

"Thank you, but please. Invite her over. Have dinner with her. She'll love it. Yes, I'm gonna go see him. But only to end all of this. Everything. I'm done."

"Really?"

"Really."

She smiled and I smiled back, feeling more at ease. I just hoped everything would go smoothly when she ended the relationship.

I looked at the time on my phone and got up, Alice wiping her eyes as she followed. "We should get going. I still have to go get everything I need for tonight."

We began walking home, watching people ride their bikes, run, skateboard, rollerblade, play, and just sit on the grass. I loved being here.

"So why did you stay with him for so long?"

I looked down at her and she shrugged. "I just wanted to be in a relationship, I guess."

"Not a relationship like the one you're in now, I hope."

She laughed lightly. "Definitely not. It wasn't always like this. Just…this past month, it got pretty bad."

I didn't tell her that I'd noticed the change in their relationship. She didn't need to know. I picked a flower out of the ground and gave it to Alice, just to see her smile. It worked, and I smiled back.

"You know, Edward, sometimes I get so tired of getting dirty looks from these random girls. And all I'm doing is walking next to you."

I looked at her apologetically. "Sorry." I know it was pretty bad that I couldn't even give my own sister a flower, but seriously, what could I do? Yell at them?

"It must be even worse with Bella. Holding hands, kissing. I can only imagine what she goes through."

Her tone was still light, but I didn't want to hear this shit right now.

"Don't say that."

"It's true."

"I know. But Bella gets upset. I don't wanna think about it right now. And don't say anything about it to her. She already thinks she doesn't deserve me." And to this day, I couldn't  
imagine how Bella would think something like that.

Alice didn't say anything, and we walked in silence for a while.

I looked down at her as she looked up at me, squinting as the sun hit her eyes. "So how's the weather down there?" I couldn't help but laugh at my own joke. She was so short!

"We're not all trees like you are, Edward."

I forced out an exaggerated laugh at her comeback. "I'm not a tree. I'm a human being." I shook my head like she didn't know what she was talking about, and she cracked up.

"You're such a loser."

"So I've been told."

"What are you making for dinner tonight?"

"Pasta."

I paused because I knew she would laugh, and she didn't disappoint. "Pasta? That's so generic."

"In case you weren't paying attention before, I still need someone telling me what to do when I bake cookies. And there are a total of what…four steps in the process? So I'm making  
pasta. I can't really mess it up if I pay attention to what I'm doing. And Bella's not gonna be there to help me."

All she said was a simple "Oh." before continuing. "So what kind of pasta are you making?"

"I don't know. Uhhh…Bow-tie. With Alfredo sauce. And a salad. And dessert."

"Alfredo? No meat sauce?"

"She doesn't like meat sauce."

"What's for dessert?"

"Vanilla sponge cake."

"No chocolate cake? Mmm…that sounds so good right now."

"She doesn't like chocolate cake. Or chocolate ice cream, for that matter." Did Alice not notice these things?

"I didn't know Bella was a picky eater."

"She's not. There are just certain things people like and don't like. And I know the cake's not something fancy, but cake comes with instructions."

"It doesn't have to be fancy. You can make her lemonade for dessert and she'd be happy with it."

I let out a heavy sigh. "She doesn't like lemonade."

"It was hypothetical."

"Okay."

A few seconds passed.

"Alright. You can make her iced tea for dessert and she'd be happy."

I knew she wouldn't let this go, and I had to laugh. "Was that hypothetical?"

"Yeah."

"Ah, well, that's a shame. She likes iced tea."

"Ugh!" She glared at me and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my mouth.

When we got home, I grabbed my car keys as soon as I got in the house, and Alice walked toward the kitchen. When I got back to the door, I turned to the kitchen. "Alice, you  
wanna come with me?"

She was looking through the fridge, and stood up with a bottle of apple juice in her hand as she answered. "No thanks. I'm gonna leave in a little bit. Thank you so much, Edward. You  
know, at the park and everything."

"I didn't do anything."

"You listened."

"No problem. Anytime. Really, just let me know whenever you wanna have a talk." We exchanged smiles again. "Good luck, Alice." There was no sarcasm in my tone. I meant it. I hoped  
Brian wouldn't give her any problems tonight.

"You too."

With what? The food? I laughed before opening the door and walking out. I was going to need luck, no doubt.

On the ride to the supermarket, I thought about how amazed I was with the change in my relationships with Alice and Emmett. We used to kill each other. Okay – not _kill_ each other, but  
Alice and I would beat each other up – a lot. God, and get each other in so much trouble. When we got a little bit older, we would tag-team against Emmett and make him cry. Pick on  
him, watch WWF and do all the wrestling moves on him, things like that. I don't know when it happened, and I don't know if it happened gradually, but at some point, we all just stopped  
fighting. Well…we still have arguments, obviously. We just don't murder each other.

When I got to the supermarket, I had no idea where to begin. I grabbed a basket and began walking around, grabbing a bottle of Arizona Iced Tea and putting it in the basket. I was glad  
Alice had brought it up, even if she didn't mean it literally. I wasn't going to give Bella iced tea for dessert, but it would be what we drank during dinner. I don't know if it would be the best  
thing with pasta, but I wasn't going to serve root beer, and I didn't feel like serving wine. I got the pasta and Alfredo sauce, grabbing whichever jar looked fanciest.

When I went to get the cake mix, I put the basket down and stared at the boxes. What the hell? There were so many different brands of cake.

Duncan Hines, Betty Crocker, Pillsbury…

The Pillsbury Doughboy was popular. Did that taste the best? He laughed when people poked him. Did Bella think that was cute? Did she not like him? I don't think I've ever heard her  
say anything about it.

Or about cake brands.

There was a teenage girl standing next to me looking at cookie mix, and I decided she could help me. Teens baked a lot, right?

I turned to her. "Excuse me?"

She turned and smiled at me, and I couldn't help but notice how long her hair was as it swayed from side to side. Down to her thighs. Wow. Definitely an accomplishment.

I looked back up at her, and she was staring at my shirt. Which made no sense. I was wearing a plain white t-shirt. She looked back up at me and I gestured toward the boxes  
of cake mix. "Which one tastes the best?" Her smile never faltered and all she did was blink a few times. Couldn't she at least point at something? "Right…" I turned back toward  
the shelves, picked out whichever vanilla cake mix was in front of me, and walked away.

"Wait!"

I turned around when I heard the girl call out, and she ran toward me with a box in her hand. "I _always_ use this one. It's the _best_! And it has such a rich chocolate taste."

I looked down at the box. _Betty Crocker Super Moist Devil's Food_.

Chocolate.

What is it with girls and chocolate cake? "Do they have that in vanilla?"

"Yeah!"

I began walking back to the boxes of cake mix and she followed behind me. I grabbed the box of vanilla and put back whatever box I had in my basket.

"And don't forget this. This is the _best_." She grabbed a tub of chocolate icing and held it out toward me. I was beginning to think that everything was 'the _best_' for this girl. I felt bad  
for getting annoyed because she didn't even do anything…and she did help out. But I couldn't help it. I hated it when girls acted this way.

I grabbed some vanilla icing and put it in my basket. "Thank you."

I went to get salad dressing, and…how could there be so many brands of dressing? There were a few people around me, and I asked an old woman which dressing would be best to use.

"What kind do you want, sweetie?"

I shrugged. I hadn't even thought about it. "Caesar?"

She grabbed a bottle and handed it to me. "I always use this one, and my husband absolutely loves it."

I looked down at the bottle. Newman's Own. My mom always got this, too. I took the bottle and thanked her.

I should've just asked an old lady about the cake mix.

I finally made my way toward the checkout line, paid, and left the supermarket.

_Shit_. Calling Bella before I bought everything would've been smart.

I got in my car and blasted the AC, waiting for it to cool. I turned it down to low after a minute, and finally called Bella.

"_Hello?"_

I couldn't help the smile that crept across my face when I heard her voice. "Hi, baby."

"_Hey!"_

"What are you doing?"

"_Watching TV. And eating chips."_

"Yeah? What are you watching?"

"_The Notebook."_

Of course. "Doesn't that movie make you sad?"

"_Yeah."_

"Why are you watching it?"

"_It's so good!"_

I don't think I'd ever understand why she would watch something that always made her sad. I figured it was just like the chocolate cake thing that every girl (besides Bella) had.  
It was a girl thing, and I wouldn't understand it. I just let it go.

"Alright, baby. Just don't cry again…"

"_I wasn't crying! I yawned and my eyes were tearing up."_

I laughed, because when I watched that movie with her a few years ago, she wasn't just_ tearing up_.

"Sure, Bella." She didn't say anything, and I figured she was watching the movie. "Are you free tonight?"

"_Yupp."_

"Do you wanna go out to eat?"

"_Yeah. Where are we going?"_

"It's a surprise. Um…wear something pretty."

"_Oooh, is it somewhere fancy?"_

"It's a surprise."

"_I wanna knowww…"_

"Too bad."

"_Hmph."_

I don't know why she even tried to act sad. As long as I couldn't see that lethal pout, I wouldn't crack. "Bye, Bells. I love you."

She still sounded sad when she spoke, and I had to remind myself that it was an act. "Love you, too."

I just hoped she wasn't disappointed when she realized we weren't going out.

I hung up and pulled out of the parking spot, checking the clock. I had extra time, and I looked in the mirror, running a hand through my hair.

I guess a haircut would be nice. It was about time, anyway. I had no idea how my hair still stayed in its usual spiky mess. It had gotten too long. Yeah, a haircut was definitely  
what I needed. I'd look nice and clean for my Bella.

I pulled up to my barber's parking lot and got out of the car, almost getting back in. I forced myself to go inside.

This time, I was going to get it cut _short_. I'm not going to lie, I was fucking nervous. My hair hadn't been really short in a while, but this would be worth it. Short hair was so much  
easier to deal with.

"Edward! Long time, no see!"

"Hey, Tony." I smiled at him. I loved this man. He gestured toward the seat and I sat in it as he wrapped the cape around my neck.

"The usual?"

"Not this time. This time, I want it short."

He stared at my hair. "How short?"

"A number 4."

"Are you, uh…sure?"

I had to laugh at the look on his face. "Yes, I'm positive. But quick. Please. I don't have a lot of time."

He grabbed a pair of scissors and quickly chopped of my hair, following it with a buzzer.

He finished pretty quickly, and…damn. The person staring back at me through the mirror looked completely different, even to me. I couldn't believe how different a haircut made me seem.

"Thank you, Tony."

"No problem. This is easier to handler than that mop of hair, huh?"

"Definitely." A buzz cut was definitely what I needed. Especially in the summer.

I paid him and left, thinking about the day Bella and I were watching The Notebook on the way home.

**_She was lying down on top of me on her living room couch. We were watching the movie, as Ally forgot who Noah was again and pushed him away. The doctors came rushing in  
and…Noah began crying._

_Well, I didn't really blame him. He just lost the love of his life. Again._

_I jumped and looked down when Bella let out a loud sob._

_She was crying her eyes out, and the front of my shirt was soaked in her tears. She wasn't even watching the movie anymore. I immediately brought my hand up and stroked her  
hair, trying to comfort her._

_I was thankful that her face was buried in my shirt, because as bad as I felt about it, I was laughing silently. She would fucking kill me if she saw me right now._

_This wasn't her first time seeing this movie, and I had no clue why she was crying so much. I looked at the TV screen again. Ally and Noah were lying down in a hospital bed together, and  
when the nurse walked in, I realized that they'd died. Well…I'll admit, that sucked._

_I looked down at Bella again and she was looking at the TV screen. When the movie ended, she turned her face into my shirt again, grabbing my shirt in her fists. She said something, but I  
understood absolutely nothing through her crying._

"_What?"_

"_Why do they have to dieee?"_

_Because they're old. "Bells, it's okay. They ended up together in the end."_

"_They died!"_

"_Yeah, but she remembered him. And at least she remembered who he was right before they died right?"_

_It took her a few seconds to answer. "Mm…yeah. I guess." She sat up and wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand. I looked around for tissues and with no luck, pulled down my  
shirt sleeve over my hand, hooking it over my thumb. I wiped her face and nose, which _would_ be disgusting – if this was anyone besides Bella. "And she realized how much he loved her?"_

"_Yes, baby. And she realized how much he loved her. And he knew how much she loved him."_

_She pushed me down gently and lay on top of me again, nuzzling my shoulder and breathing in deeply before speaking. "Good." _**

When I got home, I still thought about that day. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe how much my love had grown for her. Back then, I never thought my love for her would  
turn into something more.

I had no idea where my thoughts had taken me, but by the time I realized what I was actually doing, the pasta was already in the pot and I was mixing the cake batter.

I checked over the cake instructions, and realized I'd already done everything. I preheated the oven and checked on the pasta – hard and crunchy. Definitely not ready.

I tried to think of anything I might have picked up from watching those late-night Food Network shows.

I couldn't think of anything.

_Probably because you were half-asleep while you were watching them, dumbass._

I quickly ran a hand through my hair, surprised at the fuzzy feeling. I'd already forgotten about my haircut. I chuckled lightly to myself and continued cooking as quickly as  
possible, throwing the cake into the oven.

I got a text and went over to the counter to check my phone. The name on my phone read _Jasper_ and I honestly wanted to call him and tell him to leave me the fuck alone, just  
this once.

_From: Jasper_

**- Dude, do u wanna chill tonight?**

I answered him as quick as I could. I didn't want to deal with this shit tonight.

_To: Jasper_

- **No. Gonna spend the night w/ Bella.**

_From: Jasper_

**- Ur always with her! And when the fuck r u gonna tell her?**

_To: Jasper_

**- Shut the fuck up. Bye.**

It would make my life so much easier if he minded his own fucking business and left her alone. I turned my phone off and continued what I was doing.

The home phone rang a few minutes later and I let out a heavy sigh before answering it. Could I just finish this shit without being interrupted?

I spoke through my teeth when I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"_Hi, baby."_

I relaxed when I heard the voice on the other end. "Hey, love."

"_Um…sorry I'm calling the house. I called your cell, but it's off."_

"_You can call the house whenever you want to. And sorry. People were bugging me so I turned off my phone." _

"Oh…what time should I come over?" I was glad that she didn't ask me who was bothering me.

I was almost done with everything. I looked at the time. "In thirty minutes?"

I could tell she was smiling, and I smiled as well. _"Okay."_

"What are you doing?"

"_I am…getting dolled up for you."_

"Yeah? I like the sound of that. I'll let you go so you can get ready." I couldn't wait to see her.

"'_Kay. Bye, babe. Love you."_

"Bye, baby. I love you, too."

I drained the pasta – thank you, mom and Food Network. – and filled up two bowls. I looked in the fridge for mozzarella cheese, but had to settle for Parmesan. I sprinkled some  
of it on top of the pasta.

I brought the bowls, silverware, and salad over to the dining room table, setting everything up before bringing the drinks out. I stared at the table and thought about what else I  
could put on it.

Candles. She'd like that.

I looked around the house and found two candles, one taller than the other. They were pretty wide, so there was no need for candle holders – which was great, because I didn't have  
time to look for them.

I put the candles on the table and lit them, running into the kitchen to take the cake out of the oven. I put the cake in the freezer to cool it down enough for the icing. You didn't need to  
know how to bake to know that the icing would melt off from the heat.

I sprinted upstairs and threw on my light green button-down shirt and black pants. Bella liked this shirt.

I heard the doorbell ring and ran downstairs toward the door.

_Shit!_ The cake.

I turned around and ran into the kitchen, taking the cake out of the freezer and putting it into the fridge. I'd put the icing on later.

I walked over to the door and took in a deep breath, letting it all out before answering the door.

"Hey, baby." I had a huge smile on my face, and ended up laughing at Bella's shock.

Her mouth dropped as her eyes shot open. "Your hair!"

I laughed and grabbed her hand, pulling her inside as I closed the door. I bent down to give her a kiss and she pushed me back, still staring at my hair.

"I got a haircut."

"Yeah, no kidding!" She brought her hands up and ran them through my hair, tilting her head up as I brought mine down to kiss her.

When we parted, her hands stayed on my head and she scratched my scalp as I moved my head against her palms. Fuck…that felt amazing.

Bella giggled and dropped her hands as she took a step back. I finally got a good look at her, and at that moment, I could only think one thought.

She was beautiful.

"You look gorgeous, baby." Her grey dress fit her perfectly, and her make-up looked…wonderful. I loved the fact that she didn't have to cake on make-up, and yet she was still  
breathtaking.

"So do you. I mean –" she shook her head. "You look so handsome. And you look like such a bad-ass with that hair!"

"What? What are you talking about? I _am_ a bad-ass." I tried to keep a straight face, but smiled when she spoke.

"You're such a softy!"

I shrugged. I could understand why she'd think that. "Only for you." I don't think she fully understood how big of a soft spot I had for her.

"And I love you for that." She wrapped her arms around me and turned her head to the side, laying it on my chest.

She gasped and picked her head up as quickly as she had laid it down.

"Baby, what is this?" She took a few steps toward the dining room and stared at the table.

I walked over to her and put my hands on her hips. "This is dinner."

"Are you serious? You made this? _You_?"

"You don't sound shocked at all, babe." I hope she caught my sarcasm.

She turned around and looked at me with a frown. She looked like she was about to cry, but she didn't let one tear fall. Because of my sarcasm…?

"I'm sorry. This is so amazing, Edward! Aw, and you dressed up for _this_, baby! This is so sweet. And candles and everything!" She hugged me again and I wrapped my arms  
around her. "Thank you so much."

I kissed the top of her head and got a whiff of her strawberry shampoo, lingering there for a few seconds longer. God…I loved that smell. "You're welcome, Bells. Shall we eat?"

She giggled and looked up at me. "Yes. We shall."

I walked over to the table and pulled out her chair, waiting for her to sit before I took my seat. With the first bite of pasta I took, I realized I should've left them in the pot for a  
little while longer. I put my fork down and looked over at Bella. She didn't seem to notice about the pasta, and even if she did, she didn't make it obvious.

She looked up at me and I smiled. "What?"

I shrugged. "Nothing."

"You're not eating?"

I looked down at my plate, and back up at her. "I will." I just want to watch you for a little bit. …Without it sounding creepy, the way it just did.

We continued eating the pasta and salad, and honestly, all I could think about was what Alice might be going through right now, and I felt so guilty for not completely being here  
mentally for Bella.

Thinking about Alice reminded me of something I wanted to let Bella know.

"Oh. So, Bella. I was talking to Alice today…" I couldn't help the smirk that formed across my face.

She looked up at me, and I was almost positive that she knew what I was going to bring up. "Yeah? That's nice."

"No, no. I'm not done. But, yeah…it _was_ nice how she knew that I said the Rangers suck! Isn't that something?" I put on a fake smile, and had to hold myself back from laughing at  
her reaction.

"Yeah. That's something…"

"She said Emmett told her. It was pretty funny, actually." I saw her relax when I mentioned Emmett, but I don't think she realized that no matter who told who, it would always come  
back to her because she was the only one who initially knew about it.

"Funny?" I had to try even harder not to laugh at the confused look displayed on her face.

I took a bite of some pasta and chewed it slowly, swallowing before I spoke. "Yeah. Who knew Em was so funny? I mean, the way he told her –"

"Emmett's not the funny one! I am! I told Alice." I sat back in my seat and folded my arms across my chest, acting mad. Honestly, I wasn't really mad. A little annoyed, yes, but not  
mad. "I'm sorry! But she wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

My eyebrows shot up. "Baby, _you_ weren't supposed to tell anyone."

She looked down at her empty plate. "I know."

I ran my thumbs around the rim of my plate. "Can we just keep our private things…private…from now on?"

"Yeah. I mean, I didn't tell her _how_ I got you to say it."

"I know. But I specifically told you that no one could find out I said that." I wanted her to know that even if she didn't think keeping it a secret was important, I asked her not to tell  
anyone. She should respect that.

She played with her fork. "Yeah. I know. I'm sorry."

"Bells."

"Yeah."

"Can you look at me?" She brought her face up and I was relieved when she didn't look too sad. "You know I'm not mad, right?" She said nothing, and I continued. "I just want some  
things to be between us. I don't wanna share them with other people."

She smiled at me and I automatically smiled back. "I don't wanna share them either."

I looked down at her bowl and gestured toward it. "Do you want some more?"

"No, this was perfect. Thank you."

Hell yeah… 'perfect.' I did it. I would do a fucking dance right now if I could.

"You're welcome, baby. Thank _you_ for coming."

I picked up my plate and bent down to give Bella a kiss before picking up her plate and walking over to the kitchen. I heard Bella pick up the salad bowl, blow out the candles, and follow me.

"Just put it on the counter, Bella. I'll put it away later." I didn't want her to see the cake in the fridge before it was time for us to eat it. She went back to the table and brought back  
the cups, putting them in the sink as I rinsed everything.

She pushed herself up on to the counter next to the sink, and I thought of splashing her, but quickly thought against it.

Ah…screw it.

I quickly grabbed the spray hose and pulled it out of its spot next to the faucet. I pressed down with my thumb and quickly let go, spraying her enough to wet her, but not drench  
her in water.

She had no idea what hit her, and her eyes shut closed as her mouth dropped open. "Edward!"

I laughed loudly as I turned off the faucet, and dried my hands on a towel before stepping in front of her. I put my hands on her knees and separated her legs enough to  
stand between them.

She pouted – and automatically, I melted into a pile of goo. "My hair's gonna get frizzy."

I ran my hands through her hair and looked into her eyes. "Baby, who cares? No one's here." I looked down and saw a thin black hair band around her wrist. I held her hand  
as I took off the band, and ran my hands through her soft hair again.

I used my fingers as a comb and smoothed out all of the bumps – she hated those – as I pulled her hair into a ponytail and pulled it through the hair band a few times. It was hard  
doing this from the front, but I think I managed to do a pretty good job.

I bent down and gave her a peck on the lips. "Better?"

She looked completely confused and shocked, and I let out a laugh. "When did you learn to do _that_? Guys aren't supposed to know things like that!"

"Alice taught me when we were younger. She said I_ had _to learn, and…I would just believe anything she said, so…"

I watched as she took one of my hands in hers and played with my fingers. "So…do you know how to do anything else? With hair, I mean."

"Um…" I had to think about this. I hadn't done anything in a while. "…I…can braid. And do a bun. That's it." It wasn't much, I know.

"Really? Oh, my God. Can you braid my hair one day? And put it in a bun!"

I had to laugh at her enthusiasm. Honestly, I think she was just surprised by the fact that she didn't know this about me. "Sure."

"How come I never knew this?"

I shrugged, because really, I had no clue why I'd never told her. "I honestly don't know, baby. No one besides Alice knows."

"Oh. Is it a secret?"

I shook my head. I didn't care if people knew. "No. I just never had any reason to tell anyone."

"Can this be one of those things we keep just between us?"

I'd be more than happy to keep something between just us. Something no one else knew. Even something this small and insignificant. "Of course."

I bent down and gave her another kiss, pulling away when the doorbell rang. I looked at Bella with a questioning look and got the same look back. Who would be here?

I only had to think for a second. I whipped my head around and looked at the counter on the other side of the kitchen. My phone.

He wouldn't come to my house right now.

Would he?

He knew Bella was here.

Maybe it was Alice.

I squeezed Bella's thighs before turning and walking toward the door. "One sec, babe."

I panicked before opening the door. Calm the fuck down.

When I opened the door, I didn't know whether to be glad it wasn't who I thought it was, or be angry at whom it actually was.

I let out a sigh and leaned my back against the open door. "What do you want? I'm busy." I heard Bella walk toward us, and I turned my head to the side to look at her before  
looking back at him.

He glanced at my hair, took a quick look at Bella, and looked back to me. "Did you tell Alice to break up with me?" Needless to say, he was pissed. He pointed a finger  
at me, and I stared at it, wanting to break it off his fucking hand.

"Did she break up with you?"

"Yeah, she did."

I moved my head to look outside. "Where is she?"

"I don't fucking know. She went out with a girlfriend. I know you had something to do with this shit."

"No. She has a mind of her own. She makes her own decisions. Bye." I shut the door and heard him yell my name once before I heard his car drive away. I let the door carry my  
weight as I leaned my back against it and closed my eyes, letting out a heavy sigh.

I didn't want to think about the shit Alice must have gone through with him. I was positive that he did everything in his power to make it as hard for her as he could. Pathetic.

I put my hands on top of my head and slid them over my face. Ugh! I didn't want to fucking think about this shit! I kept my hands there for a while, and dropped them when I felt  
Bella's hands on my wrists.

I looked down at her with a mean glare. She knew the glare wasn't for her. I just…God…I couldn't help it. The more I thought about Alice and Brian, the angrier I got.

It irked me even more that I couldn't look into the soft brown color of Bella's eyes to comfort myself. The lights were too dim.

I knew she was going to ask, so I finally closed my eyes and let it all out.

"She's not…" I let out a sigh. "She's…" I tried again. "…Bella, he treats her so badly. And she just sits there and takes it. I know she can stick up for herself. But with him, she  
doesn't. And I don't know why. She's getting hurt because of the stupid shit he says to her. And I don't wanna see that. I mean…I'm so relieved that she ended things with him. But  
what if this isn't the end? He doesn't look like he's gonna let this go. And I don't…" Another sigh. "…know what to do."

Bella didn't ask any questions, and I appreciated it. I don't think I could've gone into any details right now. I closed my eyes again and breathed in deeply when I felt her cradle my  
face in her hands and run her thumb over my eyebrow, straightening it out.

"It's okay. It's okay. Baby, look at me."

I opened my eyes and let a weak smile splay across my face. She was speaking to me as if she was speaking to a baby, and I couldn't explain to her how much it comforted me. She didn't  
need to say anything else. It would be fine. Alice was more than capable of taking care of herself.

I leaned my head down and rested my forehead against Bella's.

I felt my chest ache because of my love for her, and I finally admitted to myself that my love for Bella scared me so much. I'd never met anyone I would do absolutely anything for, and  
before this moment, I never thought love could be something to…fear.

It wasn't love that I was actually afraid of, but the feelings I had for her were unbelievably strong, and it scared me to know that someone had me falling this hard for them without  
even trying. All she had to do was be herself. Merely exist, and that was more than enough. Even when I got mad at her, even when we fought, I forgave her so easily. How could that  
not scare someone? Especially someone who had such a short temper. How could that person not be afraid of a tiny girl that changed everything he thought he was?

But none of that mattered, because she was the same Bella she had always been. I was the one who was changing.

I had turned into such a sappy person; into someone who'd do anything – _anything_ – for another. It made me feel so unstable to feel this vulnerable around another person, but I couldn't  
do anything about that. I could never go for too long without being around her.

I had no idea how much deeper my love for her could go. That was another thing I feared. No matter how many times I thought I couldn't love her any more than I already did, my love  
grew even deeper. Sometimes, I didn't even want to think about it. I sound like a dick, I know. But it hurt so much at times, and the more I thought about my feelings for her, the more it hurt.

She was my everything.

I closed the small gap between our lips and kissed her as softly as I could, barely touching her lips with mine. She leaned forward and I pulled my head back enough to look at her with  
a smirk. She smiled, tightening the corners of her mouth, and at that moment, I was grateful for the dim lights. With the soft shadow hitting her face, the dimple on her left cheek was more  
noticeable. She looked so innocent. So adorable.

I cupped her cheek with my hand and rubbed my thumb over her bottom lip. God, I loved her lips. So soft. Soft and…succulent.

She kissed my thumb before taking it in her mouth and flicking her tongue over the tip. _Fuck_…what the hell was she doing? She caught her bottom teeth under my fingernail and sucked  
hard. She knew exactly what she was doing. I was a guy. I had two heads. Right now, I was obviously thinking with the one that was downstairs. I let out a low moan and Bella  
smiled around my thumb as she looked up at me through her eyelashes. _Jesus_…

I pulled my thumb out of Bella's mouth and pushed her back, onto the wall behind her. I wrapped my hand around her ponytail and crashed my lips onto hers, moaning as our teeth  
collided. She gasped before kissing me back, and I swallowed her moans as my tongue tried to dominate hers. I let everything out through the kiss. My anger toward Brian, the sorrow  
I felt for Alice, and my undying love for Bella.

I pulled her hair band off and threw it on the ground, running my hands through her silky hair before bringing one hand down her body. I hitched her dress up high enough to grab her  
thigh and wrap her leg around my waist. I parted my lips from hers, panting as I slowly inched my hands down her back and grabbed her ass aggressively. She gasped again, not expecting  
the force, and wrapped her other leg around my waist as I picked her up, her dress bunching up above her hips. Her head hit the picture frame that was hanging behind her, and I moved  
her to the side, letting it fall to the ground and shatter. I turned my head and looked down quickly at our family picture, covered with fragments of glass.

I'd pick it up later. I wasn't letting go of Bella.

I bent my head down and attacked her neck, nibbling and sucking as she shoved her hands into my hair. Her fingers automatically went to pull at my hair, but all she could do was scratch  
my scalp. It felt fucking amazing, but at that very moment, I wished I'd gotten it cut a little less. I slowed down, speaking between tender kisses.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…I shouldn't have." After hearing my own voice, I realized that neither of us had said a word in a long while.

I brought my head up and looked at her as she put her hands on my lower back and shook her head slowly. "It'll grow back."

She moved her hands up my back and massaged the nape of my neck before bringing them to my hair again. I leaned my head toward her hands and closed my eyes, letting out a soft  
moan. She made small circles with her nails as she ground her hips into mine, and I felt my fucking knees tingle as I let out a loud whimper and rolled my hips.

"_Bel_-…unh…"

I was already rock hard, and I didn't know how much more I could take. All we were doing was dry humping against the wall, and I was already on edge. I couldn't believe how quickly I  
got worked up when I was with her.

I pulled my hips back and aimed higher when I pushed forward, rubbing my bulge against her clit.

Fuck…she looked beyond sexy. Her mouth dropped open and she panted loudly before letting out a loud moan. I felt her hot breath on my face, and right then, I had to have her.

I stared at her intently, speaking between breaths. "Baby…I need you…I need you…" She nodded, and I had no idea if she knew what I was talking about. "No. Bella…I…_need _you. I need  
to be inside of you." I didn't want to force her into it, but I couldn't take it anymore.

She nodded again, and this time, I understood. "Yes…please…"

I held onto her tightly as I walked her up the stairs and into my room, closing the door before walking over to my bed and placing her down gently.

Tonight was the night.

And I couldn't wait.

I didn't turn the lights on. There was no need. The moon shining in through my window was enough. I got on the bed and Bella sat up on her knees, her hands jetting to my belt  
buckle. Her fingers fumbled with the belt, and I swatted her hands away gently, making quick work of the buckle. I shoved my pants down and threw them off the bed as Bella pulled my  
shirt off, buttons flying everywhere.

"Bella!"

"Sorry. It was taking too long trying to take it off!"

I laughed at her as I took my shirt and flung it behind me. I wasn't mad. I didn't blame her for being impatient. It jut took me by surprise. Bella turned around and I quickly pulled down the  
zipper of her dress, pulling the straps down her shoulders as she took the dress off. I ran my fingers over her tattoo as she turned back around, and I crashed my lips onto hers again, taking her bra off and shoving my hand into her panties.

"Unghh! Edward!"

All I felt was smooth skin, and then it hit me that she was completely bare. I had to take my hand out and push her panties down to look. Holy fuck. "You shaved everything?"

She shook her head. "Waxed."

"Fuck, baby…" She usually left a little strip, and I didn't mind either way, but this looked completely different. So sexy.

I brought my hand back to her heat, and had to force myself to slow down. I rubbed her clit with my thumb before pushing a finger into her opening. I laid her back and continued, adding  
another finger.

"_Fuck_, Bella. You're so wet…" I brought my head down to her nipple and sucked on it as she squirmed. She put her hand on the back of my head and moved me to her other breast, and I  
couldn't help giving it a little nibble as she moaned. "Fuckkk…your tits are so fucking perfect, baby…"

She responded with a low moan, and I rubbed her clit even harder, curling my fingers inside of her. I sucked on her breast for a while, and smiled when I pulled back and saw the dark  
spot forming where my mouth was. I loved leaving little marks on her, and as long as it was somewhere that no one could see it, she liked them too.

Bella's moans grew louder, and she began writhing on the bed. God, she was so fucking tight. She felt so good around my fingers…I could only imagine how good she'd feel around my  
cock. I had to add another finger. This definitely wouldn't stretch her out enough, and I didn't want to hurt her later on.

"Edward…Ed–…_more_…" She began panting, and I put in a third finger. "Ahh! Fuck!" Her moans filled the room and she shut her eyes tightly, clenching around my fingers as she released, her  
juices running down my hand. I couldn't help myself as I brought my hand up and licked it clean. She tasted so fucking sweet.

I hadn't even realized that I was rubbing myself against Bella's leg until I looked down. I was already leaking, a wet spot forming on the front of my boxers. I stood up as I took them off, and  
hissed as the cold air hit my cock.

Bella kept her position on the bed, and I grabbed a condom out of my drawer, strocking myself a few times before sitting in front of her. Fuck, my dick was throbbing.

Bella took the package out of my hand and chucked it across the room. "No."

I looked up at her face, her eyes pitch black. "No, what?"

"I'm on the pill."

I gave her a questioning look. Why would she be on the...

She laughed. "To regulate my period."

Oh. "But –"

"And you're clean."

I didn't argue with her. She came with me whenever I went to get tested, and I knew for a fact that she was clean as well.

I looked at her before leaning down and kissing her forehead, looking into her eyes as I whispered. "Bella, no matter what anyone ever tells you, you're beautiful. Don't ever forget that."

"Thank you so much, baby. You are, too."

"Beautiful?" She nodded her head slowly, and I wasn't insulted at all. I knew exactly what she meant. "Thank you, love." I gave her a kiss before getting back up and looking down  
at her body.

She was so…precious.

I rubbed the head of my dick against her folds and her clit before placing it at her entrance. I looked up at her. "Baby, you have to tell me if you have any doubts about this. I'll stop  
at any time, I promise. You know this is something we can never take back."

She stared at me for a second, and I knew she was thinking about it. "I have none, Edward. I'm positive."

I pushed the head of my dick in, and we both moaned at the contact. She was so fucking tight.

She whimpered, and I looked up at her. "More…" I pushed in slowly, willing myself not to cum yet. Holy fuck…If I had known it was going to be this amazing, I wouldn't have waited  
this long. "Baby…_fuck_…I can feel you stretching me…faster…unh…_unh_…"

"Bella…" I pulled out and thrust in harder, pulling out again before setting a rhythm. I would've loved to be her first, but I was glad she wasn't a virgin. I don't think I would've been  
able to controlled myself at this point.

She was biting her bottom lip, and as much as I wanted to see that, I couldn't look at her. I'd finish too soon. I looked down, and the sight of me entering her was  
unbelievable. "Fuck…Bel-_la_…fuck…look at us, baby…"

"_Shittt_…" Her voice came out as a squeak, and she still managed to sound sexy. "Edward…_ungh_…" She scratched her nails on my back and I let out a growl. It felt so fucking good. And  
hearing her say my name…_Jesus Christ_. "You feel…_mm!_…so fuck…fucking good…"

If she kept speaking that way…this shit was going to end so soon. "You do too, baby…so so good…_Bells_…I'm so close…ah…_ahhhh_…" I pulled her up as she wrapped her legs around  
my waist, and I rested my forehead against her shoulder as I pounded into her.

"So am I…unghh…_Edwarddd_…"

I brought my hand down and rubbed her clit furiously as she brought her hands to my hair again. My thrusts got rougher, and my hips were jerking back and forth – I could _not_ keep  
a steady rhythm anymore, and I stopped trying to. I brought my head up to look at her. "God, baby…I fucking love you…"

"I love…fucking you…"

"_Oh_ _fuck! _Babyyy…" She couldn't say shit like that right now. She was going to fucking kill me.

I grunted as she scratched my head, and I rubbed her even harder. She knew what that shit did to me – the same thing rubbing her clit did to her. Okay, not to that  
degree, but still. I fucking loved it.

I started whimpering again, and no matter how much I told myself to shut up and stop mewling like a fucking dog or cat, I couldn't. I felt Bella clench around my dick, and I fucking lost it.

"Bella…I'm fucking…_fuck!_...I'm cumming…_ahh_…_unghhh!_" I felt my dick twitch inside of her, and came with a long moan.

I looked at Bella, her face flushed. "Me too…_ungh_…me too!…_shitfuckkk_…baby…_Edward!_" She put her hands on top of my head and rode me until she was completely spent. Even in this  
state of hysteria, she looked like an angel. All I could do was stare as we both gasped for air, and I finally moved us so that she was laying on top of me.

I moved to the side, when Bella stopped me. "Don't pull out yet. Please." I didn't object. I would never. Being inside of her was the closest I could ever be to her. I'd have no problem  
staying this way forever.

She ran her hand over my forehead and down my check, letting it rest there. "Baby, if I'd known this was going to happen…and that it was gonna be this amazing…I would've waited  
for you." I opened my mouth to speak, but she put a finger over my mouth. "And when I said I loved fucking you…I meant it, but I hope you know that I love you too. So _so_ much. I just  
got caught up in everything…"

I gave her finger a kiss before she brought it down. "I know you do, love. And believe it or not, I love fucking you, too." I let out a small laugh because it sounded so crude, but she  
didn't seem to mind as she laid her head on my chest. "And there was no way of us knowing that…_this_…would ever happen between us. You can't see the future. You never know what's  
gonna happen. Don't regret anything, baby."

"Mmm…" She nuzzled her cheek against my chest and closed her eyes as I pulled out of her and ran my hand through her hair.

I froze when I heard the downstairs door open. Bella opened her eyes and looked up at me. I knew it could only be Alice, so I wasn't worried.

"_Edward?_"

I picked my head up, and spoke to the my door. "Yeah!"

"_Why is our picture frame broken? Where are you?_"

I looked at Bella before looking back up. I blurted out the first thing I could muster. "I hit it with the door! And I'm in my room!"

Bella looked up at me, laughing as she whispered. "Babe, the door doesn't even reach that far out!"

Shit. She was right, but all I could do was shrug. Too late. I heard Alice coming up the stairs and stared down at Bella, panicking. She seemed so calm, but how could she be? We were  
butt-naked on my bed, and my door wasn't locked.

I heard Alice walk toward my door before she knocked.

"Don't come in!"

"_What? Why?_"

"Bella's here."

"_Um…okay...?_"

Was she serious? How did she not get it?

Bella laughed, scraping a nail over my nipple. _Fuckkk_. I stifled my moan and scolded her as best I could with a whisper. "Mm!...Stop it!" She quickly brought a hand down and gave my  
cock a feather-light touch – "Isabella!" I had to speak through my teeth. This was _not_ the time for this shit.

I let out a breath before speaking. "Alice, take a hint. I'm with Bella. In my room. Alone."

"_Oh. Shit! Sorry._"

I heard her walk away, and waited for her to close her bedroom door before I addressed this little girl on top of me.

I tried to give her a stern look, but failed miserably. "Bella, you can't do stuff like that!"

"Well, why not?"

"Because…I can't control myself around you." She pouted, and I immediately looked up at the ceiling. I wasn't going to let her use that right now. "Are you done?" I heard her giggle, and  
I finally looked down at her, smiling. "Thank you. This is a much better view than the ceiling." I spanked her butt and watched it jiggle slightly before looking back at her. "Come on. There's  
dessert downstairs. Made by yours truly." Okay, yeah. I know. I can get arrogant. What a big surprise.

Her eyes got wide and she pushed herself off of me, grabbing her underwear and putting it on quickly. She grabbed my NYU hoodie off the chair and found a pair of basketball shorts  
on the ground, throwing them on. She pulled the string on the shorts and tied it swiftly, looking at me as if I should've been ready as well.

"Edward!"

I threw my head back and let out a laugh. God, I loved her. "Baby, you don't even know what the dessert is."

"It doesn't matter. It's dessert. And you made it." She went over to my closet and grabbed some sweats and a t-shirt, dressing me quickly. I'm not going to lie, she was pretty  
aggressive, and it kind of hurt when she yanked the t-shirt over my head. I wouldn't complain, though. I loved aggressive Bella.

She grabbed my hand and yanked me off the bed. "Okay. Now, come on. I'm hungry."

I didn't blame her. I was pretty damn hungry, too. Eating was the second best thing to do after having sex. The first? Sleeping. Duh.

I pulled the waistband of my sweats forward and looked down. "I'm not wearing any underwear." Could she…put some on me?

"And I'm not wearing a bra. Come _on_."

I guess not.

I laughed as she pulled me out of the room, and as we walked down the stairs, I called out to Alice to join us. We got downstairs and I sat at the kitchen table, watching Bella have  
fun putting the icing on the cake.

At times like this, I was so grateful for my life.

And the amazing people in it.

* * *

**Wooo! They finally did it!**

**Oh, and I know it's 'WWE', but when I growing up, it was WWF, and that's what I'm going to refer to it as.**

**The next chapter is something a LOT of you have been waiting for, and I'm really excited to write it. I'm sure you guys can guess what it is, because it's the one thing everyone  
has been asking about, haha.**

**Oh! And who saw Rob at the Teen Choice Awards? SEXYYY. The awards were kind of annoying, but damn, Rob always looks good. Even when he looks like a bum.  
Oh yeah. Taylor was there too, but who cares…**

**Please, please, please review! **


	18. Chapter 17

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews!**  
**I am_ so sorry _that this took forever. School is taking over my lifeee.**

**The song for this chapter is "Where We Left Off" by Rocky Votolato.  
One of the most beautiful songs I've heard.**

_**"Let's pick up where we left off;**_  
_** Let's string up everything that we've been afraid of,**_  
_** We've been living under, we've been taught to remember **_  
_** And let's learn how to love.**_

**_Thinking it up is making it real.  
You create the scene _****_you've lived in for years.  
It's scary to think _**_**what some lies will make you believe."**_

**- JayBee**_**  
**_

* * *

**BPOV**

"Bells, who was that girl in Mean Girls?"

I looked into the living room from the kitchen and laughed at how hard Edward was concentrating on the crossword puzzle. "Which one?" I don't think he realized how vague his  
question was. I let it go, though. Guys didn't understand Mean Girls.

"She was really mean. The blonde one." He stared at the blank TV screen as he thought. I laughed at the expression on his face as he turned and pointed at me. "The one they made fat!"

"Rachel McAdams."

I heard him whispering to himself as he counted the spaces. "It doesn't fit."

"Try Regina George."

I watched him as he scrawled it down and focused on the next one. I grabbed a box of Oreos and went to sit next to him as he held my arm and pulled me onto his lap. I loved staying in  
and doing absolutely nothing on dull cloudy days.

Why was he writing all the words in lowercase letters? "You always write the letters in uppercase."

He shrugged. "It looks neater this way."

Uh… "Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but I don't think your handwriting could look neat in _any _way." I said it in a teasing tone just to let him know I wasn't serious. Honestly, who cares  
what someone's handwriting looks like?

He turned his head slightly and gave me a stern look. Even though I knew he was kidding, I felt guilty. "Oh, really? I don't hear you complaining when I write you little notes."

"I'm not complaining. I love my notes." I was one of…maybe three people who could actually read his handwriting, and I loved that.

He smiled and brought his head down as I fed him an Oreo. He read the next one out loud. "Hockey's 'The Great One.'" As expected, his face lit up. "_Welllll_…I think we both know who  
that is." I watched him scribble down "gretzky," the muscles in his forearm moving back and forth as he wrote. I looked back up at him. _Look at him._ He looked so smug.

"I'm sorry, did you change your name to Wayne Gretzky?"

He nodded his head quickly. "Mhm. Last night. You didn't get the memo?"

I smiled before tilting my head up, giving him a kiss on the cheek and licking a crumb off of the corner of his mouth. I understood why he was cocky. Gretzky was a Ranger. _Was._ He retired.

"Babe, it's great that he was one of _your_ people, but let's not forget who won the Cup this year…"

His lips tightened into a straight line as he looked down at me.

I knew I'd won, and as much as I wanted to tease him about it, I didn't. Reminding him that we'd won the Stanley Cup was enough. "Aw, baby, I'm just busting your balls."

He bit his lip and smirked, effortlessly turning me into mush. "Ah, well you can _bust_ _my_ _balls_ later tonight."

I couldn't help but laugh, and he turned his head to look at me as he cocked an eyebrow.

I didn't take my eyes off of him as he went back to the puzzle and wrote down another answer. Even though it was nowhere near its old length, his hair had grown so much in the past  
few weeks. I didn't mind the shorter length, though. I mean, I thought Edward loved having his hair played with before. But now –

He closed his eyes before moving his head under my hand. "_Unhhh_…baby, not now…"

That happened. And I loved it.

I smiled as he took my hand off his head and interlaced his fingers in mine.

He gave me a quick kiss before looking back down. "Um…blank blank Café."

We both answered as Edward wrote down "hard rock" in the little boxes.

I squinted at the letters before looking up at him.

"What?"

I tried to hold in a laugh as I pointed at what he'd just written. "What does that say?"

"Um…hard rock?"

"That looks like 'hard cock'."

"What?" He looked down at the puzzle before looking back at me, his brows furrowed. "It does not."

I let out a giggle before answering. He was too cute. "Yes it does! H-a-r-d c-o-c – "

I shrieked as he threw the puzzle and box of Oreos on the coffee table before pushing me onto the couch and tickling me as he laughed. "What does it say?"

"Har – hard cock!"

"Waaahhh! Wrong answer."

Did he just imitate a buzzer sound? I couldn't even stop laughing long enough to speak! "St – stop! Edward! Ahhh! _Please!_"

He was laughing almost as hard as I was, and that made me laugh even harder. "Say it! Say it and I'll stop."

"Can't breathe!"

"Well, then you better say it quickly."

"R – rock! Ha – ard rock!"

He finally stopped and I took in a deep breath. Holy _crap_. "You're not the only who can force others to say things they don't wanna say, Isabella."

I smiled at the mention of my full name. I knew exactly what he was talking about, and he was right. Just as I knew how to make him say his beloved Rangers sucked, this was definitely  
a way to make me say something I didn't want to.

He smirked at me and I smiled, knowing exactly what he was thinking. He put his hands on the couch next to my head and held his body over mine. "So…what was this about hard cocks?"

"Not hard cocks….just _a_ hard cock." I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing, and he moaned as he slowly lowered his body on top of mine.

I felt myself blush as he brushed the back of his hand over my cheek and spoke in a low voice. "Yeah? Which one would that be?"

I beamed up at him as I brought my hand under his shirt and ran my fingers over his lower stomach, feeling his abs clench under my touch. I brushed my hand over  
his crotch…"_This_ one." …And brought it back up to his stomach. "I mean…only if Eddie wants to play."

"_Fuck_…He would love to play." He took my hand and moved it back down as he let out a sigh.

So would I.

I began rubbing him through his pants. I couldn't hide my excitement, and to be honest, I didn't want to.

Sex with Edward was… beyond anything I would've been able to imagine. Saying I got excited every time we were about to do anything was an understatement. I never thought  
having sex could be so incredible. I'd been with two other guys, and neither of them compared to Edward. _In any aspect._ He knew how to speak, how to touch, how to love.

He brought his head down and whispered his love for me in my ear before trailing his lips along my jaw. I felt my heart flutter as he pressed his lips softly against mine.

I slowly pushed my hand in his pants and smiled against his lips when he moaned at my touch –

_Shit._ Someone was coming. I pulled my hand out as quickly as I could, and it killed me to hear him moan again, this time in protest.

I picked my head up quickly and looked toward the stairs as Edward let out a long sigh, resting his forehead against my shoulder. I saw Emmett come down the stairs and nod at me with  
a smile, then freeze when he saw Edward on top of me.

Edward turned his head toward Emmett, and it was obvious he was annoyed. I mean, I didn't blame him. I didn't want to stop either. But I'm glad we hadn't gone any further. I'd rather  
_not_ have Em walk in on us while we're in a…questionable position.

I looked at Edward when he spoke, and he looked like he was going to pounce on Em. "Emmett, are you fucking serious?"

I was glad to see Emmett look calm. I don't think I could handle them arguing right now. He threw his hands in the air. "What? Dude, you have a room. Use it." He went into the  
kitchen, and I heard him open the fridge and move things around. "You guys want sandwiches?"

I looked down at Edward. Eh, the mood was ruined anyway. "Sandwich? I could go for a sandwich." I moved to get up, but he pinned me back down with his body, pushing his hips into mine.

"Do you feel that?"

That thing poking my hip? "Yes." I tried to sound nonchalant – and failed. I don't know how he did it, but one single hip thrust and he had my voice shaking.

He smiled before answering. "I'm not getting up."

I laughed before getting up and helping Emmett with the sandwiches. When we got back to the living room, I put the sandwiches down and picked the crossword puzzle up off the  
table. I held it in front of Emmett's face, pointing at a row of boxes. "What does this say?"

He squinted at it and I heard Edward shift his weight on the couch to look over at us. "Ho…hor…" I heard him mumble a "What the fuck?" before answering. "…Hard cock?"

I turned to Edward and stuck my tongue out. "See?"

He leaned forward and grabbed his sandwich off the table before leaning back. "I'm throwing that puzzle out."

Em laughed, shaking his head as he went upstairs, and I went to sit by Edward as he turned on the TV. He began flipping through the channels and stopped when he saw _The Transporter_  
come across the screen.

"My hair looks better than his, right?"

There was a random man on the screen, but I knew that's not who he was talking about. He was talking about Jason Statham. I don't know why I thought he might have forgotten about  
the little argument we had about Jason's body, but it was obvious he hadn't.

"Edward, he's practically bald."

"So?"

I let out a sigh before answering. Was he serious? "You don't even compare to him."

His eyes got wide and I brought a hand up to my mouth when I realized what I'd said. "Bella!"

"Oh, my God! I meant to say he doesn't compare to _you_!"

Edward laughed, but I felt so bad. "Geez, baby…if I knew you felt the way…"

"Alright…enough of Jason." I put my plate down and grabbed the remote out of his hand, changing the channel. _Drake & Josh_. Yes! I loved this show.

Edward got up to bring our plates in the kitchen and lay down on the couch when he got back, pulling me down on top of him.

"Do you wanna watch something else?"

He looked down at me as he rubbed my back. "Hm? No, this is fine."

I let out a soft sigh and turned my head back to the TV. I loved him. Beyond words. He hated this show, but I didn't hear one complaint.

We watched TV for a while, Edward occasionally playing with my hair. I felt myself drifting off to sleep, but forced my eyes to stay open. I yawned as Edward kissed the top of my  
head. He spoke softly as he stroked my back. "You wanna go upstairs? You'll sleep better."

"Mm…no…I don't wanna sleep…" I don't know what I was thinking, because the last thing I remember is snuggling up to his warm body and nuzzling my cheek against his shirt before  
laying my head down on his chest.

I woke up in Edward's bed, a blanket thrown over me.

I turned onto my back, reaching under my body when I heard something crumple. I opened up the piece of paper I found, already knowing who it was from.

_Babe,_

_I didn't wanna wake you. I stepped out for a bit. I'll be back in about an hour. Don't make plans for tonight. Let's go to Bowlmor Lanes. We can take Max. He always has fun there._

_Love you. Always._

_Edward_

About an hour?

I knew where he was. Well…I knew who he was with.

Jasper.

He didn't tell me where he was going, and he only did that when they were together.

I got up and looked around, grabbing my phone from the bedside table. I had a missed call from my dad, and called him back as I sat back on the bed.

"_Hey, Bells."_

"Hey, dad. You called?"

"_Yeah. They're showing a repeat of your favorite game. I just wanted to know if you would wanna come watch it."_

"I'll be there in two minutes!"

I heard him laugh as I hung up and went downstairs. I loved watching games with my dad. And the game where Brodeur broke the record for most wins…that was the best.

I saw Esme downstairs, and walked over to her as she held out a bunch of keys. "Bella, sweetie, can you give these to Edward when you see him? He left them here and we're going  
to leave in a little bit. He needs them to get in the house."

"Yupp. Thank you. Bye!" I took the keys and turned around, walking out the door. I sent Edward a text on my way home, just a simple "Heyy" to keep things light. He obviously didn't know  
I was mad. I mean, I wasn't mad! I was just…I don't think I could ever let this Jasper thing go. I wanted to meet him, even if only just once.

I couldn't keep nagging Edward about it, though. I was sick off all the fights, and frankly, I got scared every time we fought. I didn't want our relationship to end.

That sounds dumb, I know. People fight. It's normal. I know he wouldn't leave me, but if he wanted to…nothing was stopping him.

I looked at his keys again. Did Esme realize that the house key wasn't even on here? There was only one key – his car's – and some keychains. I looked back and realized that his car  
was here. But he took his house key? Didn't make sense.

I opened the front door of my house, closing it behind me as I walked over to the couch and sat down. I lay down as my dad yelled from the kitchen.

"Bells, you want some chips?"

I tilted my head up before answering. "Sure!"

He came back with root beer and chips, giving me my drink as I heard my phone beep. _Edward._

I grabbed my phone in anticipation, and my dad must have seen the look on my face when I read the text.

_From: Edward_

**- Hi. -**

That's all it said! "Hi." What the hell is that? Hi.

I sent a text back as quickly as I could.

_To: Edward_

**- What's up? -**

"Easy, Bells. Don't break your thumbs off."

All I did was look up and smile, letting my phone drop into my lap when I realized how hard I was gripping it. I couldn't even pay attention to the game. I was fuming, and the feeling  
surprised me. I didn't know why I was mad, and I didn't fucking care. I stared at my phone and vaguely heard my dad say something, and then yell.

I looked up. He was talking to the TV.

I heard my phone beep and my eyes shot down to my lap.

_From: Edward C._

**- Nothing really. I'll ttyl, ok? Sorry. Love you. -**

I took in a deep breath and let it out as my dad looked at me. I let my phone drop to the floor. I wasn't going to text him back.

_I just wanted him to stop fucking hiding shit from me!_

"Bells? What's going on?"

I looked at the TV and back at him. "Clarkson got into a fight."

He shut off the TV and looked back at me. "That's not what I'm talking about. What just happened? You were fine two seconds ago."

No, I wasn't. "Nothing happened." The way he was looking at me, I knew he wouldn't let it go. "Dad, please."

"Bella, if you don't wanna tell me, please fix it. Do whatever you have to do. I don't wanna see you like this." He sat next to me as I turned to him. "Remember how you were after  
you and Tristan broke up?"

I nodded. I didn't want to think about it. "Yeah."

"I don't wanna see you like that again."

Did he know this was about Edward…? How would he know?

I gave a simple "Okay" before he leaned in and hugged me.

No one's hugs could equal my dad's. Not even Edward's. Edward's hugs were amazing, but my dad's were…different. He didn't really let himself get close to anyone besides a few  
good friends, so I cherished moments like this.

"Can I go to my room?"

He pulled back and smiled. "I mean…you live here. I would _think_ you're entitled to go to your room whenever you please."

I smiled as I picked my phone up and walked toward the stairs. "Thanks, dad."

"Anytime."

As soon as I got to my room, I closed the door and threw on shorts and a t-shirt. I had no idea what to fucking do in this situation, because I didn't even know why I was  
mad. Edward didn't do anything wrong.

Okay, you know what? He fucking lied to me. Does he think I'm stupid? What he's doing is so damn obvious. I seriously didn't want to admit it to myself, but I couldn't deny it  
anymore. I always pushed this shit to the back of my mind, but fuck it. Why deny it? He didn't tell me anything about it, so I played dumb for so long. I was done playing dumb.

But why would he even hide it? He was open about it when he used to do it before. Yeah, I couldn't stand it when people smoked weed, but did he care that much about what  
I thought? He couldn't be hiding it because of that. If he cared that much about what I thought, then he wouldn't have done it a few years ago, and he wouldn't be doing it now.

So why was he hiding it?

_Ugh!_ I didn't want to fucking think about this right now.

I grabbed my iPod off of my table and lay down on my bed, putting in the headphones and turning it on. I turned on my side and looked out the window, grey clouds covering every  
inch of the sky. Three Days Grace's "Take Me Under" came on, and I changed it immediately. Every time I heard that song, it reminded me of the time Jake and I sang it in his car. It was  
still one of my favorite songs, but I'd really rather not hear it right now.

The next song made me smile, and I felt nostalgia wash over me. Backstreet Boys' "As Long As You Love Me."

I missed my childhood so much. I missed these old songs, and I missed life back then. It was amazing how one song could take you back so many years. I missed having fun and  
running around without a care in the world. I let out a small laugh as I remembered all the times Edward and I played tag outside his house, Emmett always running behind whoever  
was "it," trying to keep up.

I looked down at my knees, the faint scars still there, the scars that would be there for the rest of my life. I was glad that they would never completely fade away. It helped me  
remember. It let me know that my memories were real, and I would never forget that day we played tag in fourth grade. I remember being on top of the few stairs in front of Edward's  
front door as he chased me. I jumped down, thinking I'd land on my feet and keep running. Well, I jumped – and landed on my hands and knees, scraping them against the gravel.  
Edward sat next to me as Emmett ran inside to call Esme, and she ran out with a First-Aid Kit in her hand.

I remember trying not to cry that day – the way I was trying not to cry right now.

I don't know when we went from being 9 to being 22, but it felt as if everything just flew by.

I looked at the door when I heard a knock, and felt bad for being disappointed when I heard the voice on the other end. I just…I wanted it to be Edward's voice.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, dad. It's open."

He walked in with a plate, holding it out toward me. "Hey, I got carrot cake today. Want some?"

I got up from my bed and took the plate, thanking him. I loved carrot cake. And I loved him for bringing it up for me.

I sat down at my desk as my bedroom door closed, and just listened to my iPod, eating my cake.

**EPOV**

I felt bad for leaving Bella that way and coming to one of her favorite places without her, but I needed time alone. I need time to think and I needed time to write.

I could bring Bella to Starbucks any day.

I finished scrawling down everything that had happened in the past few days and flipped through the pages of my journal. It was almost filled. I couldn't believe it. This would be  
my fourth journal.

And no one knew. _No one._ Not even Bella.

As I flipped through the pages, I was amazed to see how many times Bella's name was in the book. I wasn't shocked. Just…amazed. For a brief moment, I wondered if all of my  
other journals were this way. But the question was gone as quickly as it came to mind.

Of course they were this way. Of course her name was all over the pages.

I turned my head to the side and looked out the vast window, rain hitting the streets as people began getting out of their chairs and walking into the café.

As I watched the rain, I wondered what to do with my journals. Should I throw them all out? No one would ever see them. So what was the point of keeping them? I started writing  
a few years ago to let my anger out on something besides people. I'd like to say it helped, but I really don't know if it did. Either way, I had a few years of my life written down, but  
the pages were useless.

I didn't like going back and reading previous entries, and I _don't_ want anyone to see anything I've written. There were so many times where I wanted to show Bella everything, but  
I'm afraid she'll get mad at some of the shit I've written down. There are things about girls – in detail, stuff about people I don't like but that she does, and stuff about…life. I hated  
hiding things from her, but these were my thoughts. My thoughts for _me_. Not for her. Not for anyone.

The rain didn't look like it would let up any time soon. I put my hood on, held my journal and phone under my hoodie, and grabbed my coffee before walking out.

I only had to walk a few blocks to get home, but distance always seemed longer in the rain.

By the time I got home, I was drenched. I checked Bella's bedroom window as I jogged up the walkway. Her lights were on and she was standing by the window. I waved and smiled  
as she did the same.

_Fuck._

Baby, I love you to death, but please don't come over right now.

I needed more time to myself. I felt the craving coming on, and it was getting stronger. I couldn't have her with me when I got this way.

I walked inside my house, calling out as I walked up the stairs to see if anyone was home. No answer.

I tossed my phone and journal onto my bed. I decided not to throw my journals out just yet. I'll read over everything one last time before I get rid of them.

I changed into grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt as my phone beeped. I picked it up, checking the screen. Bella.

_From: Bella_

**Hey, are we going 2night?**

_To: Bella_

**Yupp. Just got home. Come over in an hour. I'll call Mrs. Radkey in a bit & ask about Max.**

I went over to my computer and turned it on, opening up iTunes before putting on Hollywood Undead's "The Loss."

I had until 7:00. I had time. Time for it to wear off before I saw Bella.

I had to stop all of this before…I don't know. Before it got out of hand.

_And it's not already out of hand?_

Fuck it. I walked over to my bookbag and took out the little plastic bag and straw. I wanted more than anything to just throw it all out. Pour it down the bathroom sink. It would be  
so easy. Get rid of it all.

But I couldn't.

It wasn't even a choice. How could I not use it? It was amazing. Unlike anything I had ever felt before. What I felt when I was on that high was…indescribable.

**BPOV**

It felt as if he'd been gone forever, and I was glad he was back.

Alright. I know I'm exaggerating this a little too much, but I'm so sick of this Jasper shit. What's the big fucking deal? I just want to meet the kid. I don't care if he's bad, good, the  
Devil, an angel, whatever.

And what's the big deal about smoking weed? Yeah, it's not good. But why is he trying to hide it? Just fucking tell me!

I watched the rain pour outside before turning my head toward my bed.

His car key.

I grabbed it and changed into jeans and a sweater before putting my phone in my pocket and running downstairs.

My dad turned around from his spot on the couch and gave me a questioning look. "Dad, Edward and I are taking Max bowling in a little bit." Okay, we were going in an hour. But I had  
to say something.

"Alright. Have fun. Tell him not to speed in this weather. Especially with Max in the car."

"Will do, pops."

I heard him snort as I smiled. Yeah, I was pissed as hell right now, but I wasn't going to let it out on my dad.

I opened the door and shut it quickly before running over to Edward's car.

This was it. Finally. I could see what was in his dashboard. I opened his car door and sat inside.

Did I feel bad for doing this? A little bit, yeah.

Did I do it anyway? Hell yeah.

I opened his dashboard before my conscience had a chance to kick in.

His car's registration papers, the car manual, a pen, a pad of Post-It notes…

I moved everything out of the way. I fucking knew it! I grabbed the two bags of weed I found and got out, slamming his door shut. I wasn't going over his house in an hour.

I was going right now.

**EPOV**

I pulled my bedside table away from the wall and opened the plastic bag before pouring out the white powder. I kneeled behind the table and looked up at the ceiling, closing my eyes  
and reciting the same thing I did each time, for what seemed like the hundredth time.

_God, please let this be the last time. Please._

I separated the powder into five lines before putting one end of the straw in my nostril and bending my head down.

A million things were running through my head, and I wanted so badly to just shove everything off the table and walk the fuck out of here.

_Just do it. Do it and those million things will vanish from your mind._

I breathed in deeply as I slowly moved the straw from right to left.

_Right to left. You couldn't just be right-handed like the rest of the world and do it left to right._

What the fuck? Where did that come from? …Edward, you're going insane. Just calm the fuck down and finish this.

I lifted my head and bent it back, looking up to the ceiling and snorting a few times. I waited a few seconds.

Nothing.

I brought my head back down and took in the second line, quicker than before.

_Fuckkk._ There it is._ Amazing._

I'd never stop doing this shit. Why would I? Who would want to?

I sat there for a few seconds, waiting for it to get stronger before bringing my head down again. I froze for a quick moment as I heard the front door open downstairs. I breathed in the  
third line before picking my head up and looking at my door.

_Damn._ I loved this. I more than loved this. I was in love with this. This feeling was beyond incredible.

_Focus, dumbass. Your door._

It was closed. Whatever. Who could it be? Emmett? Alice? Whoever it was knew to knock before coming in.

I looked at the last line of heaven in front of me before bending my head down. Halfway through, I jerked my head up as my door opened.

Bella? Oh, shit.

Well, whatever. She could fucking wait.

I looked back down and continued as I saw her walking toward me.

**BPOV**

_Holy…_

The plastic bags slipped through my fingers and fell on the floor. When my legs let me move again, I went over to the desk and turned off the blaring music before making my way over to  
Edward. Being frozen in shock was not what I needed right now.

This had to be a fucking dream. I was still cuddled up to Edward on the couch downstairs, sleeping. This wasn't happening.

I WAS NOT SEEING EDWARD SNORT COKE IN HIS ROOM.

I wanted – I was – why the fuck was he doing this?

I'd completely lost my train of thought.

My mind was calm. And empty. Not a single thought. I just watched him.

I wanted to look away, but I couldn't avert my eyes. What the hell should I do? Turn around and leave? Stop him?

I felt myself panicking as my legs continued to move forward. Did he even know I was here? It didn't matter. It didn't matter if he knew I was here. I would just tell him to stop, and he  
would stop. I'd ask him to never do it again, and he wouldn't. Everything would work out. It would be fine.

I couldn't stand seeing him like this. With a straw up his nose. Like a fucking…I didn't even want to think it. I felt my skin get heated as I went to grab his wrist.

"What are you –" My words got cut off as soon as I'd spoken.

"Don't fucking touch me!" He gave me a quick glance and pushed my hand off as soon as my fingers touched his skin. He brought his head back down, and I felt my heart break in two as  
I watched his head move from one side of the desk to the other. I focused on his wet hair, the only thing I could see closest to his face.

This wasn't a dream. It couldn't be more real. His pupils were almost completely gone, and the green of his eyes had gone from beautiful to…scary.

_Come on. Come on, no. This is Edward. Nothing about Edward is scary._

I reached for his wrist again, and this time, I didn't even get the chance to touch him.

In one motion, he chucked his straw on the table and grabbed my wrists, turning me around and holding my wrists against my chest as he pinned me to the wall. I watched the straw  
roll onto the floor before looking up at him.

I turned my head to the side as soon as I saw the look in his eyes.

I'd seen that look before. This wasn't the first time he'd done this. Oh, my God. The day he said he needed time alone and I sat outside his door crying, thinking he was seeing someone else.

He tightened his grip and I felt my heart sink deeper.

Still looking away, I struggled to get out of his grasp.

_Don't be scared, don't be scared, don't be scared. This is Edward. Edward. He won't hurt you._

I wish that was true. Because really, I was terrified. I knew this wasn't my Edward, and being unsure of what he'd do scared me.

"You're…Stop…Let me…Let me go! You're hurting me!"

His hold on me didn't ease up, and it killed me to know that he didn't care if he was hurting me. He could break my arm with little effort if he wanted to.

I'd never felt as small as I did at this moment. I was completely helpless. He weighed over 200 pounds, and every bit of it was muscle. Should I yell? It would be pointless. No one was home.

He shook me as he yelled. "How many times do I have to tell you to _fucking look at me_?"

I jumped at his words._Shit_…the pain was too much. The pain he was inflict on me and the pain of seeing him get this low.

I thought of all the times he had lifted my chin with his finger to have me look at him. At this point, I'd give _anything_ to have him be that way again. I was always grateful for everything he'd  
given and done for me, but I couldn't help thinking that I had taken all the sweet things he did for granted.

No matter how many times he'd lost his cool, I'd _never_ seen him act this way, this hostile, especially toward me.

He shifted both of my wrists into one hand as he grabbed my face and jerked my head toward him. It was only when I felt a tear trickle down my cheek that I realized I'd been trying not  
to cry this entire time.

"And stop crying for every damn _thing_! You're like a fucking baby that I have to console every second!"

He squeezed my face harder and I felt tears falling down my face again. All I could do was struggle to get out. And the harder I tried, the more it hurt.

It was useless.

I just let my body go. I let all of my muscles relax. Trying to get out of his grasp was pointless. If I did get out, what would I do? Run? He'd catch me so easily.

God…I couldn't believe I was thinking about running away from Edward. My best friend. My life. Thinking about him catching up with me…and then what? Pinning me to the ground?  
What the hell would I do then?

_He wouldn't do that. This is Edward._

No, this was not Edward. Edward cared about me. He loves me more than anything.

Edward wasn't hurting me right now. Edward didn't have me pinned up against a wall. Edward wasn't acting as if he didn't care about me.

It was the cocaine.

I couldn't hold his gaze any longer. I was scared to look away, but I had to. I moved my eyes to the right, and saw his phone next to a book on his bed.

I had to call Jasper.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him staring at me. I was so afraid he'd yell again, but I just couldn't bring myself look at him. He let out a harsh breath through his nose before finally  
loosened his grip on my hands and face, letting me go before he walked back to the table.

I stood against the wall until he bent his head down again. I reached for his phone, and looked at him before going through the list of contacts.

I was standing right next to him, scared he would jump up at any moment. But he was so oblivious. Or he just didn't care.

It didn't matter why he wasn't acknowledging me. I had to call Jasper. I had to find out what the fuck was going on. I finally saw his name and called him, staring at the bags of weed  
on the floor. I got more anxious with each passing ring. What was I going to say to him?

I realized that it didn't matter. I just needed to talk to him.

The ringing finally stopped.

"_Yo."_

My mouth dropped.

How could this…what? How did this…how was this possible?

Everything came rushing back to me. I should've seen it. I should've known from the beginning. I should've fucking known!

_They both smiled and greeted each other. I'm glad that wasn't awkward. _Of course it wasn't awkward.

_Bella, I don't like the kind of person he is…I know this sounds strange, but be careful around him._

Oh, my God. Our date.

_How do you get the money to pay for everything? I mean, the truck, the apartment…_

_Haha…I have my ways._

_Ha! I'm not afraid of Edward, trust me._

_You know, Edward, maybe it's time you told her!_

_Bells, Edward's not as amazing as you think he is._

It was him. Jasper was him. There was no Jasper. Everything was a lie. _Everything._

My voice was barely a whisper when I spoke.

"J…" I swallowed and tried again. "Jacob?"

"_Bella?"_

I didn't even…what the fuck do I believe anymore? I felt so weak…so much _shit_ was running through my mind.

How is this…how? Why?

The phone slipped out of my hand and fell onto the floor. I walked over to Edward and sat on the other side of the table, staring at him.

"Is Jasper Jacob?"

He didn't even budge. What a fucking coward.

"_Is he Jacob_?" I yelled in a shrill voice and his head finally jerked up as he clapped a few times.

"Congratulations. You're a fucking genius."

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	19. Just Let Me Be Accused of Everything

**I know it's taken me forever to update, and I'm so sorry!**  
**But here is the next chapter at last. (:**

**The last chapter got the most reviews and best feedback. You guys are beyond amazing!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**BPOV**

"Congratulations. You're a fucking genius."

I stared at him in shock. I couldn't believe he was acting this way. I couldn't believe all the things he'd lied about!

Nothing seemed to faze him; all he did was drop his head back down. I was…I…I couldn't dwell on the Jacob thing right now. I had to figure out what to do with Edward.

Think, Bella. Think.

I stood up and rushed over to Edward's computer. I went on the internet to find something – anything – about this.

A page of entries came up, and I clicked on the first one.

_Cocaine brings on a euphoric rush of well-being and confidence. Given a high enough dose, this rush can be almost orgasmic, like the one produced by heroin. … High doses of the drug  
produce _cocaine intoxication_, whose symptoms are poor muscle coordination, grandiosity, bad judgment, anger, aggression, compulsive behavior, and anxiety. … Regular use of cocaine  
may lead to a pattern of abuse in which the person remains under its effects much of each day and functions poorly in social relationships and work. Dependence may also develop, so  
that cocaine dominates the person's life, higher doses are needed to gain the desired effects, and…_

I stopped reading and closed the window.

I sat back and let out a sigh as I stared at the screen. There was nothing I could do. I had to wait it out. I turned my head to the side and watched him empty out another  
small plastic bag.

How much more was he going to take?

I felt so helpless…

I wasn't going to leave him alone when he was like this. Who knew how many times he was alone when he was this way? I walked over to the bed next to Edward's, and looked  
at him again before laying down slowly, facing his closet. I didn't want to look at him. I couldn't see him giving in to this thing.

He was always on top of things. I couldn't imagine Edward getting this…low…being this weak.

I closed my eyes quickly and willed myself to go to sleep. I regretted the thought as soon as it came to mind. He was not a weak person. He was my rock.

I briefly wondered if he had called Mrs. Radkey, before I fell asleep for the second time that day.

When I woke up, I was facing Edward's bed. He was sleeping, one arm draped over his face and the other resting on his stomach, moving up and down with each deep breath he took.

I looked at the time. 9:30. I couldn't have been asleep for more than an hour.

I watched Edward sleep for a few minutes, taking in his peaceful form. I thought about leaving, but I could never do that to him.

I stood up and went to sit by his feet before speaking softly.

"Edward."

No answer.

I rubbed his leg lightly. "Edward." My heart thumping against my chest as I waited for a response.

"Hm?" He kept his eyes closed, and I wondered if he was still sleeping. At this point, I wanted nothing more than to just snuggle up to his warm body.

"Did you call Max's mom?"

He didn't answer right away, so I sat there, waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

His body jerked up to a sitting position as he let out a loud gasp, and I jumped to my feet as I brought my hands up to my mouth. I slowly lowered my hands, looking at him  
before I whispered. "What?"

His eyes focused on me and he let out a sigh. "…bad dream." He swung his legs over the side of the bed and looked at the mess on the table.

"Did you call her?"

He turned his head to look at me, his eyes hooded, his voice groggy with sleep. "Who?"

"Mrs. Radkey."

I didn't want to keep nagging him about it, but if she thought we were picking Max up, I didn't want to keep them waiting. We obviously weren't going bowling anymore.

"Oh. Um…no." He shook his head.

I sat there, waiting for him to explain everything, but all he did was stare back at me. "I think I deserve an explanation after what just happened."

He looked down at his feet. "What do you wanna know?"

I forced myself to stay calm. "When did you meet him?" I motioned toward the table next to his bed. "Do you buy all this from him?"

"Jacob?" I didn't answer, so he continued, his voice small. "Um…We met last year. He was in my Statistics class. We hung out a few times outside of class, and I was gonna  
introduce you guys." He stopped for a second, biting his lip. "But then one day when we were hanging out, he…just brought weed and then…I don't know…I forgot how _good_ it  
was, Bella." He lay back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds before he continued. "I _wanted _to tell you that I started doing it again, but I –"

"You didn't want me to know." I was surprised at how cold my voice was.

"I…" He rubbed his hands over his face and let out a sigh. He sat up before turning to look at me. "That's not true. If I was going to tell anyone, it would have been you. And I  
was gonna tell you. I swear."

"No one knows?" He shook his head, and I had to look away. He looked miserable. "You're lying. Lie after lie after lie. You weren't going to tell me. You were gonna keep this  
going as long as you could." I turned to look at him. "You lied to everyone. Everyone! Your family, your friends – they all think you're this perfect guy. Good grades, amazing athlete,  
handsome, polite –"

He shut his eyes quickly. "Stop…I told you I wasn't perfect."

"Yeah! And you said it was because you had a temper! That was your chance to tell me what was going on! You had so many chances. You could've told me whenever you wanted to!"

He opened his eyes, the emerald color smoldering. "No. I couldn't have. You would've acted exactly like this." He pushed himself off the bed and took a few steps toward  
me. "I don't wanna see you like this."

"And I wanted to see you like _that_? With a straw up your nose?" He kept quiet. "How did you even get into this?"

He shrugged, looking out the window. "Same way, I guess. Jacob just…brought it with him one day, and I wanted to see how it would be. So I…tried it. And liked it."

It was silent for a while, ticking of his clock the only sound in the room.

"But I…" He took in a deep breath and held it before letting it out. "I'm not…it's…I can't control it anymore. _It_ controls _me_."

I stood up and threw my hands into the air, letting them fall limply at my sides. "So that's it? It was that simple? He just had everything with him and you gave in? You didn't even stop  
to think that your curiosity could ruin your life?"

He pointed a finger at me as he yelled. "You don't know what I was thinking, Bella! You think I wanted all of this to happen? You think I wanted to make up these lies?"

"So why did you? Why didn't you just tell me? Why didn't you tell anyone?"

He shrugged and took another step toward me. "I thought…I could stop. Especially after Jacob stopped." He shook his head slowly. "Bella, I did it to Alice, too."

Did what to Alice? She wouldn't get caught up in all this. I brushed it off and gestured toward the table as I looked at it. "Does…Jacob do this too?"

He shook his head and I felt my anger rise again. "Just weed."

I ran my hands through my hair and looked at him. I didn't even know what to say. "Oh my God, Edward. I feel like I'm scolding a fucking kid! Every time you go out, you're  
with him. Which wouldn't be a problem, but look at the shit you do! Like today. The note you left me. You're always just 'out'. You're out doing this shit! Always!"

He shook his head furiously. "Not always."

"Today –"

"No! I wasn't with him today!"

"Then what –"

"I was busy with this!" He turned around and snatched something from his bed, flinging it at the wall next to him. I turned my head and saw that it was a book. I stared at Edward  
before going over to the wall and picking it up. I flipped through it, opening to a random page.

I froze.

'_Bella came over today. She wore sweatpants and a white tee, no makeup. I wanted to tell her that that's when she looks the most beautiful. I'll make sure she knows it someday.'_  
My heart broke with each page I turned. … _'I kissed Bella today. What a mistake. She didn't like it.' _… _'I love her.' _… _'I have to tell everyone about Jake. Or at least tell my Bella.'_ I skimmed  
down to the bottom of the page. _'I'm in love with her.' _… _'I'm going to murder Brian.' _… _'…that she can't be with Jacob. He's not good for her.' _… _'I hate Jacob.' _… _'How am I going to tell  
her I love her?'_ _'Bella…' 'Bella…' _… _'…but she's not like my Bella.' 'Bella…' _… _'Bella…' 'Bella…' 'Bella…' _… _'Bella…' '…as much as I love her.'_ What? _'It tears me up inside to think this, but  
sometimes I think Bella doesn't love me as much as I love her.'_

I let out a shaky breath and closed the book slowly as I looked up at Edward. I tried to keep my composure.

I wanted to forget all of this and just show him how much I _did_ love him. He was my everything.

My mind went blank. I just…I couldn't believe I made him think I didn't love him as much as he loved me. My voice quivered as I spoke. "What is this?"

He shrugged and looked away, the sadness never leaving his features. "A journal?"

Another thought occurred to me then, and I prayed to God that what I was thinking wasn't true. "All those things you paid for…was the money from –"

"No."

"Edward."

"No. Why would you even think that?"

I felt myself getting angry again, and honestly wished for all of this to be over with already. "Do you blame me? After all of this, I think it's safe to say that it's not such a  
far-fetched idea!" I tried to keep myself from yelling, but it was either that, or stop myself from crying. I chose the latter.

"You really believe I'd do that." It wasn't a question, and the look on his face immediately made me wish I could take back what I'd said. "Bella, you know I work my ass off  
to save up money. And it's not like I just started buying you things out of the blue." It was true. Ever since his first job at Modell's, he'd always saved up money to pay for  
everything he could pay for. He had worked hard to get into the office he was working at now, and thinking about it made me feel even worse about myself. So far, I'd done  
absolutely nothing to start a career after college. I mentally kicked myself in the head for even thinking Edward's money was drug money.

I wanted him to know that I wasn't specifically talking about him buying things for _me_, but the only word that left my mouth was a meek "sorry." I looked away and rubbed my  
right eye as if there was something in it, trying to wipe away the tear that was about to escape without making it obvious. I looked back at Edward. Why had I even tried to  
hide the tear? He knew. Of course he knew.

He moved his gaze down, and reached a hand out toward me. I pulled back before he had a chance to touch me, and he quickly peered up at me before looking back down. He  
was staring at my hands.

His brows furrowed as his face contorted into a pained expression. "I'm sorry."

I blinked rapidly a few times to keep the tears back. Seeing him like this killed me. I wanted to beg him to smile, but dropped my head down instead.

That's when I saw them. The blue and purple spots scattered on my wrists. I let out a small gasp as I twisted my wrists and saw that they were covered all the way around.

I didn't want to think about how the marks had gotten there. It was in the past.

Still, I couldn't prevent a few tears from falling.

"Bella, I' m sorry. I'm _sorry_." His voice cracked, and I picked my head up to look at him.

He was on his knees, closer than before. He hesitated before reaching a hand out toward me again. He gently held one of my wrists and kissed the marks he had made  
there. I felt a wetness against my skin and looked again at Edward's face. Tears were streaming down freely, and I threw my head back, looking up at the ceiling as I finally let  
my own tears escape.

This was too much.

"Oh God, Edward. What am I supposed to do? I give up." I looked down at him. "How am I supposed to know what was true and what was a lie? All of this has been going on for…so long."

"No."

"No, what? You guys…fucking teamed up against me! Played a game to see who could keep the secret longest. Well, guess what? You lost, Edward! Jake won! You're the one who  
messed it all up. Oh. Wait. I'm sorry. You're sick of _consoling_ me all the time, right? Lucky for you, I stopped crying alllll by myself!" I dropped my voice down a few octaves, mimicking  
their voices. "_'Let's pretend we don't know each other so Bella doesn't find out,' _right?_ 'Yeah, Bella. You can meet Jasper one day.' 'Oh. No, Bella. I don't want you to meet him. He's not a  
good person.'_ I should've guessed that it was him. You didn't think Jacob was a good person. You didn't think Jasper was a good person. Whenever you had plans with Jasper and I  
had plans with Jacob, Jasper would cancel on you. No one knows more about me than you do, and no one knows more about you than I do. If I can't trust you, who am I gonna  
trust?" I couldn't bring myself to speak my next thought, but he had to hear it. "…I can't even trust _you_ anymore…"

"Yes you can." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"I hate you."

"What?"

"I hate you."

He froze. "You don't mean that."

"Yes I do."

There was a pleading look in his eyes, and I knew he was silently begging me to tell him I didn't mean it.

I couldn't be here anymore. I couldn't bear this.

I took a step back, and he immediately lunged forward, wrapping him arms around my legs tightly. "No! Don't leave. Please."

I kept my voice calm without much effort. I was done with this. I didn't really care anymore; there was no need in yelling when I felt completely numb. "Let go of me, Edward."

He rested his cheek against my stomach as his body shook with sobs. "No, Bel…la. Please. I need you."

"Look at yourself, Edward. You're a wreck."

"I don't care." I nudged his shoulders to get him off, but he didn't budge. "I swear…I swear. I'll stop."

I took in a deep breath and let it out. "You don't _get it_. It's not the drugs. I wouldn't have held that against you. You _lied_ to me. To everybody. About so many things. God…you made  
up _stories_. And I just _believed_ them." His eyes were puffy and he breathed heavily as he stared up at me. "Whatever. It doesn't even matter anymore."

He grabbed the hem of my shirt with one hand, the other still wrapped around my legs. I felt guilty for telling him I hated him, but I had no other way of expressing the way I felt.  
Whether he and Jacob had planned it or not, I had never felt so betrayed in my life.

Edward choked on his sobs as he spoke. "What? It matters. It matters! I'm sor…I'm sorry. It was a mistake! I didn't do it on purpose, I swear. Baby, _please_. I wouldn't just…lie to  
you like that."

"Just…" I let out a sigh. "Let me go, Edward." Honestly, I just needed time to think about all of this.

"No. Never."

"I'll scream until you do."

I had to say it. I knew he wouldn't let go any other way, and I just wanted to go home. He slowly dropped his arms and I took a step back, finally putting some distance between us.

I looked down at his blotchy face, and my heart shattered.

"Bella, please. _Please_. Stay."

I didn't trust myself to speak. I'd have a breakdown.

I turned around and stared out into the dark hallway as I walked out of his room. He yelled after me, his voice rough.

"Bella! _Please!_"

I covered my ears as I made my way to the end of the hallway. It seemed endless, and I thanked God when I reached the stairs. I turned around to walk down the staircase, and  
looked into Edward's room once more. He was still on his knees, his shoulders slumped and his head hanging low. His body shook as he took in shaky breaths.

I walked down the stairs, immediately stopping halfway down.

_You fucking idiot._ This is why he thinks you don't love him as much as you do.

I couldn't believe what I'd just done.

I turned around quickly and sprinted up the steps. I ran the length of the hallway and into Edward's room, falling to my knees in front of him. His head jerked up and I hugged him  
tightly, pulling him to me.

He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in the crook of my neck as my hand went to the back of his head.

"Bella." As close as I was to him, he whispered my name so softly that I barely heard it. I felt the wetness of his tears and the heat of his skin against mine as he breathed heavily.

I spoke softly, just loud enough for him to hear. "Shhh. It's okay. It's okay." I played with his hair a bit to calm him down. I couldn't bare to think about how  
I'd acted. "Listen to me, baby."

I felt his breath against my neck, and listened to the rhythm of his breathing in the silence. "Are you listening?"

He took a second to answer. "Yes."

"I love you, Edward. With everything I have. You have to believe that and never forget it. I could never hate you. Ever. Don't you _ever _believe me if I tell you otherwise." I knew  
at that moment that I'd never tell him I hate him. "I wouldn't be able to live knowing that you thought I hated you. No one can love anyone else as much as I love you. I love  
you _just as much_ as you love me, okay?"

He didn't say anything for a while. We sat on the ground, clinging to each other. He let out a silent "okay" as he brought his head up slowly.

My breath caught in my throat as I looked into his bloodshot eyes. _I_ was the one to do this to him.

I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks as soon as he spoke. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I –"

"I have to tell you something."

"Tell me."

"I did it to Alice, too." The words rushed out of his mouth.

He looked down at my wrists, and I understood what he had meant before. I forced myself not to do or say anything that would make me feel worse.

"When?"

He looked up at me, hurt taking over his features. "A few weeks ago."

I kept quiet, thinking of what to say next. "I didn't see anything."

"Not her wrists. I…"

"Tell me. Please." I kept my voice calm.

"I…punched her arm. Hard." I kept quiet, waiting for him to continue. "She cried _so_ _much_, Bella. And it bruised so badly."

"She didn't say anything to me."

"She didn't tell anyone."

I couldn't imagine how much it must have hurt both of them. Edward had made sure Brian wasn't doing anything to her, and here he actually punched her.

I knew nothing I said would make him feel better, but I had to try. "It's okay." I hoped he knew that I meant it, and I wasn't saying it just to say it.

"That's what she said. She thought I just…lost my temper. She didn't know…"

I looked at the table next to his bed. "It's okay. Bruises fade."

"But memories don't. Not for things like this."

"Don't think about it right now. She loves you. I'm sure she forgave you." We sat quietly for a while before I broke the silence. "I'm sorry. For everything."

"I…It's okay."

"No. It's not okay. I know I…I know I start fights over nothing. And I'm so sorry. I know it hurts you." He brought his hand up slowly to wipe away my tears. "I know you  
wouldn't make up those lies on purpose. It just…escalated into something bigger than you wanted it to be." He nodded as I continued. "You don't have to try to convince  
me. I believe you. And you're not…" I took a deep breath. "You're not a weak person. We're gonna get you help, okay? And things will get better."

I had no idea if things would get better or not, but for Edward's sake – and mine – I had to believe that they would.

He had stopped crying, but he was so quiet. I felt myself start to panic again.

It was obvious that he wanted to say something, but he hesitated.

"What is it? Tell me."

I saw the question in his eyes before he even spoke. "Um…when you say 'help'…"

"A rehabilitation center."

"Bella…"

I made sure to speak in a way that didn't sound like I was chastising him. "I know you don't want to go. But you said you can't control it anymore."

"I can't be away from you for that long, Bella."

"I feel the same way, but it's for the best. We'll keep in touch. You'll be thankful in the end."

"Everyone will find out. I don't…want my family to know. You and Alice…and my mom…you're the most important women in my life. I already hurt two of you. This will  
break my mom's heart. And what about your dad? What if he arrests me?"

"Don't worry about Alice and me. And don't be silly, Edward. My dad sees you as a son. And in a situation like this, you're his son before you're anything else. He wouldn't  
arrest his own child."

I saw a small smile play on his lips before he spoke. "I still don't wanna go. Now that you know, maybe you can help me. Just when I feel like I can't take the cravings anymore?"

I didn't know if I was strong enough to do that…I didn't even know what I could do to help.

"Please, Bella?"

Of course I would help him. I would try my hardest. I nodded. "Okay. Yeah. We'll try."

He put his hands on both sides of my face as he slowly leaned his head down. He placed his lips on mine and kissed me slowly, deeply.

The kiss went from sweet to passionate very quickly, and I pushed him back onto the floor as I straddled his hips. My hands inched their way down his chest, and I let  
them rest at the hem of his shirt for a while.

I pushed his shirt up a bit, feeling the heat emanate off his skin. I took hold of his waistband and began pushing his pants down, when I felt Edward's hands on mine.

He pulled back and looked at me, his eyes dark as he spoke softly. "Not tonight."

I nodded and gave him a peck on the lips. He looked sorry, but I understood. He must have been tired after everything that had happened.

He put a hand on my lower back, holding my body close to his. "Stay with me tonight?"

I nodded quickly. "Of course."

He gave me one last kiss before I pulled away to get my phone. I called my dad to let him know I was spending the night at Edward's. I had never been more grateful about  
him letting me sleep over Edward's house than I was at that moment.

I heard Edward brushing his teeth in the bathroom, and went to do the same.

He was shirtless, and I blatantly stared as his muscles rippled with each movement of his arm. He turned his head, his hand still on his toothbrush. My heart melted as a small  
smirk formed on his lips. He beamed at me as I smiled; I'd missed his smile so much.

I cocked an eyebrow at him, pretending to be suspicious. "Where's _my_ toothbrush?" It felt so good to talk about something else, even if it was about a toothbrush.

Edward bit down on his toothbrush as he opened the mirror cabinet and handed it to me.

He washed his face before turning off the light and following me into his room. I turned off the lights in his room and crawled into his bed, facing the window.

I felt the bed shift as Edward lay down behind me, and I waited for him to put his arm around me.

I couldn't wait to feel the contours of his body against mine.

I waited a few minutes, and felt nothing.

He did absolutely nothing, and it broke my heart. I felt the tension radiating off his body. Was he afraid to touch me? That couldn't be. We had hugged and kissed moments before.

I didn't question him.

I reached my arm back slowly and took hold of his hand, feeling its warmth as I brought it over my body. I intertwined our fingers and kissed the back of his hand as he moved  
closer to me, curling his body around mine. I smiled when I felt him relax, the tension leaving.

"Edward."

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Always?"

He brushed my hair to the side and placed a soft kiss on my neck. "Always."

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**Awww, happy ending!**

**Kind of. Edward's problem still isn't solved, but at least everything's out in the open!**

**I can assure all of you, this story is far from over.**

**Oh, and I took the things Bella read about cocaine online from my Abnormal Psychology textbook, so they're actual facts. The effects last about 24 hours (I think), and  
if a person takes a high dose, he/she "crashes" afterward, but for the sake of this chapter, I changed that for Edward.**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this story.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Over 260 people have put me in their alert (Thank you so much!), so I expect that many reviews for this chapter. (:**

**Okay. I know that's asking for too much, so I'll settle for 50. (:**

**Thank you guys so much for reading this far!**


	20. I'm the Rehab, You're the Drugs

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! Some of you don't have an account, so I can't reply to your review. :(**

**But I read every single review and respond to the ones I can respond to!**

**I got to update quicker this time, because I had 5 days off of school for Thanksgiving! Did you guys stuff your faces on Turkey Day? I ate so much! (And I enjoyed every second of it.)**

**Okay, on with the story!**

**-JayBee**

**

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**

**EPOV**

I loved Sundays. They were almost always bum days, where I just sat around doing absolutely nothing.

"Oh! Edward, you have to see this."

My father flipped back a few channels until he got to the show he wanted me to see.

"Cocaine Cowboys?"

"This is amazing. The money they made from selling…wow. It's unbelievable. They made Miami what it was in the '70s and '80s, all from the drug trade."

I looked at my father quickly before looking back at the TV. Did he know? I dismissed that idea as quickly as it came to mind. There was no way he would've found out.

I laid back on the couch, stretching out my legs. My dad set the remote on the table and sat back on the couch next to mine.

The documentary was actually incredible. I mean, these men made so much money that they literally ran out of places to put it. They bought jets, helicopters, actual jaguars – yes, the  
fucking _animal_ – and still, they couldn't spend their money fast enough. They hid the extra money they had in places like under their lawn turf, simply because they had nowhere to put  
the money. I was in shock. If they needed to get the coke across country borders, no problem – they would give the duffle bags filled with the drugs to cops – _COPS!_ – pay the cops some  
ungodly amount of money, and that was it. The bags were put in the trunks of the cop cars, and the cops would take the bags across the borders. It was as simple as that.

"Everybody has a price," one of the sellers said.

I'd heard that before, but never really believed it. I thought there must be so many people out there who would never give something up or do something against their beliefs for money.

After seeing part of this documentary, I wasn't so sure anymore.

"Dad, remember –"

I was so engrossed in the show that I didn't even noticed he'd gotten up. I heard him talking excitedly, and looked over to the front door. He was talking to someone, but I couldn't see  
who, and I didn't hear a voice.

As soon as I heard my father say, "Yeah, he's right here," I turned off the TV and sat up. Who would be here on a Sunday?

I looked toward the door and couldn't help the smile that stretched across my face as Bella walked toward me.

She stood between my legs, looking down at me.

I gave her a questioning look when I saw my dad walk outside and close the door behind him.

"He's going to meet up with your mom for lunch."

"Ah." She rested her hands on the back of my neck as I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her stomach. She let out a small giggle and I smiled brightly at her. She bent down  
to give me a kiss and put her hands on my chest as she pushed herself back up.

"Bells, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

I dropped my voice down, speaking just loud enough for her to hear. Alice and Em were upstairs, and they didn't need to hear this.

"Did you tell anyone about…you know. What happened?" I tried not to sound accusing. I know she wouldn't tell anyone. I just had to be sure.

She looked worried and I felt my heart sink.

"No. Why? What happened?"

"Nothing." I waited for her expression to soften a bit before I continued. "My dad just told me to watch this documentary about the drug trade in 1970s Miami. It was about cocaine. So I  
thought maybe…I don't know. He knew or something."

She placed one of her hands on my cheek, and I leaned into it, loving the heat of her hand against my skin.

"I didn't tell anyone, and I promise you, I won't tell anyone without letting you know. Baby, if he knew, he wouldn't play games with you like that – making you watch shows and hinting  
at it. He's your dad. He would confront you about it, don't you think? He'd be worried."

Hearing her say it out loud took my worries away, and I pulled down onto my lap, thanking her with a kiss as I wrapped my arms around her. I looked down in her lap, and brought of her  
hands up, kissing the fading marks on her wrists. I gave her an apologetic look. I couldn't explain to her how sorry I was and how bad I felt. It tore me up inside to know I'd done that to her.

"It's okay, Edward. They're almost gone."

I shook my head slowly. "Stop saying it's okay. It's nowhere near okay."

"It's been over a week. I told you…bruises fade."

"And I told _you_…your memory of it won't." I would never forget it either. She couldn't keep blowing this off like it was nothing. "What did you tell your dad?"

I felt even worse when she wrapped her arms around my waist. It was so obvious that she was doing it because she didn't want me to keep looking at the bruises. I didn't want her  
hiding any part of herself from me.

"He doesn't know. I just kept wearing long-sleeved shirts until they faded enough for him not to notice."

"I don't want you hiding things from him just because of me."

She narrowed her eyes and smirked, making me automatically smile in return. "Edward, get real. You know I don't tell my dad every single thing that happens in my life. If I  
did, you and every other guy I've dated wouldn't be alive right now."

I let out a small laugh as I looked into the beautiful warm color of her eyes.

I felt my mouth pull down into a frown. "Bells, I'm scared."

"About what?"

"This whole…situation."

She let out a small sigh. "Are you afraid I won't be able to help you?"

I wanted to tell her that was a ridiculous thought, but I would be lying.

I was as honest as I could be. "With the control you have over me, if anyone could help me, it would be you."

"What if I can't do it?" She sounded so concerned, and I couldn't stand knowing that she was feeling anxious because of my own personal problems.

"Don't worry…please…don't feel pressured."

She didn't say anything, and I left it at that. I had no idea what I could say to make her feel better. I didn't want to go to rehab. I didn't want to just drop everything in my life and  
leave everyone.

We sat on the couch for a few minutes, holding each other, my face buried in Bella's hair as I breathed in her scent.

When she spoke, her voice was quiet, as if she didn't want to disturb the peace.

"Edward."

"Hm?"

"Happy birthday, love."

I kissed her cheek softly, letting my lips linger there. "Thank you."

I didn't expect her to forget, but it meant a lot to me that she remembered.

She moved to get up, and I reached my arms out to pull her back down. I missed her embrace already. "Come back." I pouted up at her, hoping it would have the same effect on her as  
her pouts did on me.

Of course, I had no such luck. All she did was laugh. "You're too cute, Edward. Close your eyes."

I cocked an eyebrow at her, skeptical as to what she was going to do. "Am I going to open them, only to be tied to this couch?"

"Would that be so bad?"

I pretended to think about it before answering. "Not if you were the one to do it." I smiled up at her, glad to see her happy again.

"Hmmm…I'll keep that in mind. For now, close your eyes, mister." She pointed a finger at me, but I just sat there, staring at her and thinking of what she had just said. Please, God, have  
her tie me down someday soon…

"Please?" She pouted, and my eyes immediately closed shut.

I heard her feet patting on the ground as she walked away, and peeked open an eye to see that she was walking toward the front door. She grabbed something from the ground and  
turned around. I closed my eye quickly and hoped that she didn't see me looking.

"Cheater!"

I laughed and tried to play innocent. "What? I didn't see anything! …Can I open my eyes now?"

She slapped my shoulder lightly. "No. You don't get your present now."

I opened my eyes slowly and looked down at the blue gift bag she was holding. "Bells, why did you get me something?"

"Because I love you. And it's your birthday. And you never let me get you anything! Okay, close your eyes again."

I sighed and did as she said. I heard the sound of tissue paper ruffling around, and as much as I didn't want her spending her money on me, I was excited to see what she'd gotten me.

"Okay. Open them."

My jaw dropped when I opened my eyes. I shot up off the couch.

"Bella!"

"Happy birthday!"

"Baby! Oh my God! This is the best present ever! EVER!"

I looked at her big smile. I couldn't stop repeating 'Oh my God.' I couldn't believe she got this made!

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a white Rangers jersey. I saw the number '99,' and expected to see 'GRETZKY' on top.

I was in shock when I saw the name on the jersey.

'CULLEN' was sewn across the top, and I had no idea how to react. This had to the best gift I'd ever received.

"Bells, this must've been so expensive." This had to have been over $250 all together.

The number '99' didn't even exist in the NHL anymore. They retired it from the entire league in honor of Gretzky when he retired. She got the number _and_ the name  
customized…This girl was incredible.

She knew what I wanted better than I did.

"I don't wanna hear _anything_ about the price. I'm just glad you like it."

"It's prefect. Better than perfect. I…don't know what to say. Thank you!"

She laughed and gave me a kiss as she handed me the jersey. "You're welcome. You had a home jersey, so I thought an away jersey would be good."

"Baby, a bobble head would've been good. This is…fucking _amazing_."

I looked at the name on the jersey one last time before I put it on over my t-shirt. I held my arms out in front of me. A perfect fit.

I never wanted to take this thing off.

I held Bella's small hands in mine and leaned down to give her a kiss. "Thank you so much. I love you."

"I love you, too. And as much as I hate seeing these jerseys, you look so…appealing in them."

I had to let out a laugh. "_Appealing_?"

"Yes. Appealing." She pulled at the strings by the collar of the jersey. "And do you know how embarrassing it was to buy a Rangers jersey?"

"We live in New York and you're a Devils fan! You should be embarrassed to _wear_ your jersey."

I stuck my tongue out at her and her jaw dropped as she gasped. "Never. Take it back."

I put a finger on my chin, pretending to consider it. "Um….no."

I saw her face light up as she thought of something. "Okay. I'll drop it. But only if you let me pay for dinner tonight."

I loved that she knew we were going to dinner tonight without me even mentioning it.

I raised my eyebrows and gave her an attitude. "Well, what makes you think you're coming to dinner? It's a family dinner."

I tried not to laugh as her face went from playful to sad in half a second.

"Oh. I…um…sorry."

"Bella, I'm joking! Are you insane? You thought you weren't invited to dinner? My family would gladly kick me out if it meant they could have you instead." I kissed the top of her  
head and wrapped my arms around her. "Sorry, though. Em and Alice already said they were paying for dinner tonight. …I guess you can split it with them if you want to."

I knew she would say no; I didn't want her to pay for a third of my entire family's tab anyway.

"Nooo. I want to pay for an entire date. I don't want to split it with other people."

"Baby, spend your money on yourself. Not on me."

"But I want to. You _always_ pay for everything."

"Because you're my little Bella."

"I just want to treat you for once."

I pulled her to my chest and kissed the top of her head again. "You will. I told you. I promise." I would just put it off as long as I could.

She grabbed my hand and picked up the gift bag before pulling me toward the stairs. "What are you doing?"

"You're gonna change, we're gonna go to Dunkin' Donuts, and I'm gonna buy you something to drink."

I trotted along as she dragged me up the stairs. "But you don't like Dunkin' Donuts."

"But _you_ love it."

"Can we take Emily?"

She turned around rolled her eyes. "Yes, Edward. We can take your _sexy car_."

Damn straight Emily was sexy.

When we got to my room, I changed into some jeans and kept the jersey on. I walked behind Bella as we went downstairs and out the front door.

The drive to Dunkin' Donuts was quiet, and I enjoyed it.

When we got there, Bella ordered for me. She hesitated before paying, and I knew she was waiting for me to oppose. I just stood there, acting like I didn't know what was  
going on, trying not to laugh at her.

I looked down at the table as we sat. All she had in front of her was iced tea – the only drink she liked here. In front of me, on the other hand, was a large coffee, sausage,  
egg, and cheese on a croissant, a strawberry frosted donut, and a flatbread sandwich with cheese.

Dunkin' Donuts wasn't really expensive, and it was way cheaper than Starbucks. I didn't mind letting her pay just this once.

"So, we're even now?" I took a bite of the flatbread sandwich as I looked at her.

"Nope. This isn't a date. And today doesn't count. This is just…stuff for you on your birthday." She smiled sweetly as she took a sip of her iced tea.

I ate everything but the donut. I saved that for Bella. She loved donuts, and for a moment I wondered why she didn't get any.

I held it out toward her.

"No, thanks. Those are so…fattening." She scrunched up her face.

"Who do you think you're talking to?"

She laughed and took the donut, thanking me.

"Thank _you_."

"You're welcome."

"For the food. And for eating."

"For eating?"

I smiled at the confused look on her face. "Yeah. Thank you for not being one of those girls who always worries about her weight."

"I worry…"

"Ha! You haven't seen worry. Remember when I dated Tanya?"

She made a face. "Yeah."

"Remember when I broke up with Tanya because I said she was too clingy?"

"Yeah."

"It wasn't because she was too clingy. Well, yeah, she _was_ too clingy. But I broke up with her because she talked about her weight so damn much."

I watched her as she tucked her hair behind her ear and took a bite of the donut. "Tanya wasn't fat." Her words were muffled by the donut, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I know! I hated having to always tell her that. So again, thank you. For eating junkfood and not complaining all the time." Yeah, Bella brought up her weight a few times in the  
time I knew her, but a few times was nothing. I understood that girls worried. Even guys worried. But I was so glad that Bella wasn't always concerned with that shit. If she  
wanted a donut, she ate a fucking donut.

"I'm sorry."

I cocked my head. "For what?"

She played with her straw as she looked at her drink. "That night. When you said you were sick of always having to comfort me when I cried. I'm sorry. I shouldn't cry for  
everything. I just…I don't know. I can't really help it, I guess. And –"

I held her hands in mine. "Look at me, Bella."

She mumbled another "sorry" before looking up.

"No. No sorries. Don't apologize for crying. Don't apologize for looking away. I should have explained this to you. I don't ever want you to look away from me because it makes  
me feel like you're uncomfortable around me. I don't ever want to see you cry because it breaks my heart to know that you're sad." I felt so bad for ever thinking her crying was  
annoying. Yes, she did get emotional over small things. But that was her. I was in love with her, in love with who she was. I don't just love certain parts of her. I love all of her. Even  
when she cries over small things, even when she annoys the hell out of me, I love her.

She always calmed me down when I cried or got angry. And did she ever complain? No.

I rubbed my thumb over her hand. "I was such a dick that day, Bella. Don't ever believe anything I said when I…had you against…when I was holding you…don't ever believe that  
anything I said was true." I wanted to ask her to never mention that day again, but I knew it would be a wasted effort. She had every right to speak about it as much as she wanted  
to. I would never forgive myself for what I did to her that day, and she deserved an explanation for my actions. The only problem was that nothing could justify what I did.

I smiled at her sadly as I intertwined our fingers. She said a simple "okay" before we got up to leave.

I don't know how it happened, but after that day, we had absolutely no arguments – except when we just joked around – and we became even closer. I couldn't believe that after  
all these years, we could still become closer. This wasn't the first time I was surprised by this, and it made me wonder how much stronger our relationship could get.

My relationship with Bella didn't scare me anymore. I loved being this close to her. There was nothing _scary_ about it, and I scolded myself for ever thinking otherwise.

_This was my Bella._

I could never get tired of thinking that.

We decided to go over her house, and sat in the kitchen as Charlie ran around the house looking for his fishing rod.

He kept flitting in and out of the kitchen, asking us if we'd seen it.

"Guys, is it by the –"

Bella's laugh cut him off. "Dad, it's not gonna appear out of thin air if it wasn't here the first ten times you asked!"

He left again, going upstairs. Bella and I both looked up at the ceiling as we heard his footsteps move from room to room.

Bella bent her head down to take another sip of her iced tea.

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "You still haven't finished that thing?"

She shook her head and smiled around the straw.

"Let me help you finish it."

"No!" She pulled it toward her and hovered around it protectively as I reached out for it. "You'll finish it in one gulp."

I laughed as I sat back against my chair.

She brought the cup back up, putting it on the table and –

"Stop it."

She mumbled a "stop what?" before smiling around the straw again, this time looking up at me.

She knew exactly what.

I leaned in, whispering through my teeth. "Stop deep-throating the fucking straw!" I didn't want to sound mean, but she couldn't play games with me in her kitchen while her dad  
was running around the house.

She pulled her head up slowly when she heard Charlie coming back down the stairs, and I silently thanked him for coming into the kitchen.

"I found it! I'll be back tonight, Bella." He turned around to leave, only to turn back around when Bella spoke.

"Oh, dad! I'm going out to eat with the Cullens tonight. For Edward's birthday."

His head snapped toward me, and he took a step forward, patting me on the back. "Happy birthday, son."

"Thank you, sir."

After he left, Bella bent her head back down, and I grabbed her head from both sides.

"Don't. Even. Think about it."

"Why not? Don't you like it?" I almost scoffed at the innocent look on her face.

"Actually, I love it. I love it very much." I raised my eyebrows and motioned toward the table we were sitting at. "But unless you want me to throw you over this table and fuck you  
senseless…you need to stop."

"Well, as much as I'd enjoy that, I want to save it for tonight. I was just…trying to give you a preview of what's to come."

_Holy. Fuck._ "Bella…" I breathed out her name, barely hearing it myself.

"Yes?"

I stared at her, completely mute.

"At a loss for words? You had to know that there would be some _birthday sex_ tonight."

I kept staring as she sang Jeremih's "Birthday Sex" when she said the words.

She got up and threw her drink out, then took my hand, pulling me up before she turned around and walked toward the living room.

I walked behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her neck. I laid my chin on her shoulder and gently squeezed her.

I rubbed the light scruff on my face against her soft cheek. "What do you wanna do now?"

"That tickles!" She laughed as she turned her head and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "It's your birthday. What do _you_ wanna do?"

I shrugged as I lead her toward one of the couches. I grabbed a blanket from another couch and lay down, pulling her down on top of me so that were facing each other. "Can we lust lay here?"

She snuggled up to me as I kissed her cheek and covered our bodies with the blanket. "Laying here would be perfect."

Neither of us said a word for a few minutes, and I almost felt bad for breaking the comfortable silence.

"Alice has a new boyfriend."

"Already? Wow. Good for her."

"Yeah. They just started getting serious a few days ago. I haven't met him yet, but I don't want to bash him or anything – I want to help her get over Brian. I hope this guy is  
nothing like that dumbass."

"I'm sure he's nice."

I smiled down at her. "Guess what his name is?"

"Alice's boyfriend? I don't know."

"Guess."

She shrugged. "John?"

I laughed at her answer. I couldn't blame her for guessing a common name, though. "Nope."

She tickled my side gently. "Tell me!"

"Jasper."

She stopped what she was doing and gave me a confused look. "Is that a joke?"

"What? No. That's his name." Why would I make a joke like that?

She laid her head on my chest. "Wow. That's…weird."

"I know. That's what I thought when Alice told me. And then I thought maybe she knew and she was playing a joke on me."

She picked her head up and laid it on my shoulder, speaking in my ear. "Baby, no one knows. You need to stop worrying about people finding out. If your family found out, they  
would never play jokes on you or just hint at it. They would be open about it."

She nibbled the outer shell of my ear, and I couldn't help the little grunt that escaped my lips as I closed my eyes. One touch from her, and I became putty.

"Bella…"

"Mm." She kissed my neck and I prayed to God she wouldn't run her hands through my hair.

"I can't wait until tonight."

She pulled back to look at me. I missed the warmth of her mouth already. "Yes you can. I want it to be good tonight. And special."

I pouted, even though I knew it would do me no good. "But it's always good. And it's always special. We can do it again tonight. Please?" I added a quick "It's my birthday" to  
see if that would persuade her.

I honestly didn't want to beg her for sex, but if she couldn't tell by the bulge in my pants poking her, I wanted her. Badly.

She laid her forehead against mine and gave me a quick kiss. "You know it'll be better if we wait."

I looked down at her full lips before closing the small gap between us and covering them with mine.

Jesus Christ, they were so soft.

I pulled back for a split second before crashing my lips onto hers.

My tongue battled hers as she straddled my left thigh.

I swear I felt her wetness seep through her shorts and onto my pants. I put a hand on her behind to push her further onto my thigh as I rubbed myself against her hip.

She moaned into my mouth and I automatically moaned in return. I brought my hands up and twisted them in her hair, bringing her face impossibly closer to mine.

She brought her hands up to my head, scratching my scalp with her nails. My hair was long enough for her to grab now, and she did just that. And _pulled_.

_Fuckkk._ My hips bucked up on their own accord, and we moaned in unison before she pulled away, leaving us both panting.

I almost lost it when I saw how dark her eyes had become.

"Bella…_please_…you want it just as bad as I do." I tried to urge her a bit more, but I had little hope.

She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again. "I do...but you know it'll be better if we wait. Think about it. Think about how amazing it'll be with all the pent up  
frustration. Remember the last time we did this? And the time before that. It was so incredible. Remember?"

How could I forget?

I nodded my head and leaned my head up to kiss her forehead. "Yeah. I remember." I knew she was right. I knew it would feel so much better if we waited the entire day.

"Besides…I'm gonna have so much fun messing with you the entire day, knowing you can't do anything to…_relieve_ yourself."

My eyes got wide halfway through her sentence. "Isabella, don't you dare!"

"We'll see. Maybe I'll be nice until later tonight. …_Maybe_."

The corners of her perfect lips pulled up slowly as she smiled down at me. I automatically smiled back as I poked her dimple with a finger.

She took me by surprised when she turned her head and bit my finger, scrunching up her face.

"Ow!" I pulled my hand away and shook it. It didn't hurt the least bit, but if she wanted to play, I would gladly play along.

She giggled and laid her head back down on my chest.

She rubbed her hand along my chest, and we sat in silence once more. I watched her hand as it moved back and forth…back and forth…back and forth…

"You're so handsome."

I wondered for a second if she was speaking to me or not. It didn't sound like she was. She wasn't looking at me, and it sounded as if she was just talking to herself.

Either way, I had to answer her.

"Thank you, love. And you're breathtakingly beautiful."

We lay in the couch until it was time to get ready for dinner. I don't know how time could possibly pass by so quickly. Hours had passed, and yet, it felt as if we had just lied  
down moments ago.

I would have gladly lain in that couch with Bella for the rest of the night.

But of course I couldn't disrespect my family that way. I did cherish every moment we spent together, even if they did get annoying at times.

I kissed the top of Bella's head before we got off the couch, and all I wanted to do as soon as I stood up was crawl back under that blanket with her.

Nothing could be better than lying down with her soft warm body on top of mine – unless we were naked while that was happening. _That_ was always better.

I laughed at the thought, and Bella's head shot up to look at me. "What?"

"Nothing, baby. Let's go get ready." I gave her a final kiss before leaving.

I wanted to watch Bella get ready, but I had to go home and get ready as well.

My mother said we were going to a 'fancy restaurant,' and by the time I got home, everyone was almost done getting ready.

I walked up the stairs and knocked on Alice's door before walking in.

"Edward, can you zip me up?"

I walked over to her and pulled the zipper of her dress up slowly, making sure not to break it.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She turned and smiled at me. "Happy birthday!"

"Thanks."

I quickly moved to her side. I looked at the yellow spot on her arm, the bruise almost completely gone. This was far worse than Bella's bruises. It took so long to go away…

I ran my hand over it slowly before looking up at her. She took my hand and pulled it away. "Edward, stop. It's in the past."

She took a step back and spun around. "So do I look okay?"

"You look beautiful." Not a hair was out of place.

"Thank you."

I smiled as I turned around and made my way out, closing the door behind me.

I rushed into my room and threw on my maroon button-down shirt and black dress pants, quickly putting on my black belt.

I stood in front of my mirror and wondered if I should part my hair to the side. No one had ever seen my hair that way apart from my family, Bella, and her dad. Maybe it  
would be a good change.

I went into the bathroom and shaved quickly, then ran a comb under the running water. I tried hard to force my hair into a side part, but kept ending up getting this weird  
cowlick thingy in the back.

I opted for some gel, and finally got the look I wanted.

I looked in the mirror one last time.

Fuck that. I ran my hands through my hair, bringing it back to its usual mess as my mom walked in, bringing her hands to her chest.

"Oh, Edward. You look so – Edward! Why did you ruin it? You looked so dashing!"

"Mom, I looked like Steve Carell."

"But he's adorable!"

Getting called adorable by your girlfriend was one thing. Getting called adorable by your mom is a completely different story.

I finally finished getting ready and went to get Bella.

I rang her doorbell and turned toward her driveway. Her dad was home, and I stared at his car as I waited for the door to open.

I let out a huff of air and stopped breathing when I turned back around.

Bella stepped out and closed the door behind her.

She stepped toward me and I absentmindedly took a step back, staring her up and down. She was wearing a plum-colored dress with black heels, her soft hair falling  
in curls over her shoudlers.

How was it possible for anyone to look this perfect from head to toe?

I couldn't help but smile when she blushed and bit her lip. "What is it?"

"Y-you're…gorgeous."

A small smile played on her lips as she took a step forward and kissed me softly.

"Hey, lovebirds! Come on!"

I sighed and pulled away, resting my forehead against hers. "Let's go before Emmett pops a blood vessel."

I took Bella's hand as we walked toward my dad's car.

We said hi to Rosalie and Bella greeted my family as I turned toward the front door of the house. Alice walked out, with who I assumed to be Jasper following behind her.

They made a beeline toward me, and I wondered briefly if he had already met everyone else. He held his hand out, looking me dead in the eye, smiling.

"Nice to meet you. Jasper."

I took his hand in mine and shook it firmly. "Edward."

Alice's face lit up. "Hey! Edward, don't you have a friend named Jasper, too? That's so weird!"

I turned my head to her, dismissing what she had said as quickly as I could. "I stopped talking to him."

I was glad when Jasper stopped looking between Alice and me.

He turned toward Bella, shaking her hand gently. "Hi. I'm Jasper."

She smiled sweetly at him, though it looked a bit forced. I wondered if anyone else noticed. "Isabella. Nice to meet you."

I raised an eyebrow and turned toward her. _Isabella?_

We all got in the car, and I took Bella's hand in mine as my dad pulled out of the driveway. "So, how are you, Isabella?"

I didn't emphasize her name. I just said it as if that was what I had always called her.

She turned to me with a confused look on her face and leaned her head in, speaking in a whisper. "Huh?"

I tried to hold in my laugh, and I didn't have to say anything for her to understand.

She mumbled her response, making sure no one else heard. I was thankful that the radio was on. "Well, he looked so…formal. I didn't think 'Bella' would cut it."

She could've just stood there and shook his hand without saying a word, and that would've been enough. Granted, it would've been rude, but she didn't have to say  
anything if she didn't want to.

I leaned forward and kissed her temple, letting my lips brush against her skin as I spoke. "Babe, sometimes you're just too funny."

Everyone in the car started trying to talk over each other at one point, and I guess Jasper thought that would be a great time to talk to Bella.

He tapped her shoulder and looked at both of us as we turned toward the row of seats behind us.

When he leaned in toward Bella, I felt like shoving him back into his seat.

"Hey. Sorry to interrupt, but everyone calls you Bella. And when Alice tells me about you, she refers to you as Bella. So…can I just call you Bella? It's a lot easier than  
Isabella and –"

I looked at Bella as she cut him off with a laugh. "Bella is fine."

"Alright. Bella." He flashed a smile and sat back before turning to talk to Alice.

Bella smiled and turned back around. I could see that her smile was sincere this time.

I pushed down the tinge of jealousy I felt.

I realized that I would always feel a bit of jealousy whenever Bella spoke to a new guy I didn't know. Until I got to know the guy, I didn't know what his intentions were.

I know Bella would never cheat on me.

I couldn't help the way I felt, though. And I didn't feel guilty for getting jealous. Because I would never tell her that she wasn't allowed to talk to a guy if I didn't see  
any potential harm.

I smiled at Bella when I felt her playing with my fingers. She kissed my hand, and then my chin.

"I love you."

I kissed her forehead. "I love you, too. Always."

I looked out the window as we pulled into a parking garage. When we got out of the car and walked out of the garage, I looked at the street sign on the corner of the sidewalk

I turned to my dad excitedly. "Are we going to Peter Luger?"

"Yupp."

I turned to Bella. "Why didn't you tell me?" I tried to contain my excitement. I loved this place!

She laughed as she looked up at me. "It was a surprise! Oh, and your parents weren't meeting up for lunch before." I gave her a look, silently asking her what she was  
talking about. "They came here to make sure everything would be set up properly for tonight."

All I could muster was a "wow."

When we got inside, there were two tables pushed together for us, in a somewhat secluded area of the restaurant.

I loved the feel of this place.

Everyone started talking as soon as we sat down. Jasper was pretty quiet, but that was expected. He was new. I didn't know what to make of him yet. He seemed nice, but  
almost everyone seems nice when you first meet them.

Right then, I gasped. _Holymotherfuckkk_ – Bella's hand is on my crotch.

I coughed to cover up my moan, and gave Bella a death glare. She turned to me and smiled innocently, then took a sip of her water, as if she wasn't _torturing_ me under the  
fucking table.

I looked around the table, and realized that no one seemed to know what was going on.

I looked down at my lap. _I_ could barely see what was going on beneath the tablecloth.

"Edward, honey, are you hot? You look flushed."

I looked up at my mom. "I'm fine." I closed my eyes when I heard my voice crack.

"Yeah, baby. Your face looks like it's on fire. Are you sure you're okay?"

I turned my head toward Bella again, and almost begged her to speed up her strokes. Her hand was moving _so slow_. How could she ask me that right now?

I spoke through clenched teeth. "I'm. Fine."

* * *

**I know, I know! I'm so sorry I ended it here. I had time during my Thanksgiving break to write, and I didn't want to rush through Edward and Bella's 'rendezvous' later. So I ended it with a little cliffhanger.**

**I thought you guys would rather have a quick update and have it be a bit shorteer than have to wait longer for a longer chapter.**

**Oh. I was thinking of which color to make Edward's shirt for the dinner, and we all know how freaking amazing Rob looked in that maroon-colored suit he wore to the Eclipse premiere in LA, so I went with that color. Good choice? I think so.**

**And you all need to watch **_**Cocaine Cowboys**_**! It's an amazing documentary. There's a **_**Cocaine Cowboys 2**_** now, and I can't wait to see it.**

**Peter Luger is an actual steakhouse. I used to hate steak until I had steak there. This place has been voted the #1 steakhouse in NY for like…forever.**

**Please review!  
**


	21. Chapter 20

**Okay.**

**1. I know you guys are ready to kill me. I've gotten messages about how long it's been taking me to update. I'm so sorry. But now that final exams are complete, I have free time!**

**2. I completely forgot I mentioned that Bella's mother had died in the first chapter. So I put that in here.**

**Thank you guys so much for your reviews and support!**

**- JayBee

* * *

**

**EPOV**

"_I'm fine."_

When my mom turned to talk to everyone else, I thought Bella might stop.

Okay. Wishful thinking.

Would my stubborn Bella stop? Of course not.

She loved this. And if I was being honest with myself, in hindsight I loved it too. But I couldn't fucking take this right now.

I stayed silent the entire time, while everyone else – including Bella – was chatting up a storm. When the waiter came, I hoped Bella would stop long enough for me to compose  
myself and give him my order. No luck. I pointed at any random entrée on the menu and hoped it was steak. I couldn't read anything right now. And I sure as hell didn't trust myself to speak.

As soon as the waiter left, I grabbed Bella's hand and shoved it into her lap.

"Excuse me." I pushed my wooden chair back and crouched a bit as I turned away from the table. I stood and immediately made my way toward the restroom, looking straight  
ahead. I caught the eye of a stout middle-aged woman as she looked at my crotch, then up at me. I shot her a mean glare and luckily she looked away. I continued walking,  
but _oh, fuck_. My boxer-briefs rubbed against my cock with each step I took.

I dashed into the restroom and turned into one of the stalls. I sat down on the toilet with my pants on and stared at the ground. I considered taking my pants off, just to ease the  
pressure. But, no. I know I wouldn't be able to control myself. And I was _not_ going to jerk off in the Peter Luger restroom. I looked up at the ceiling and briefly marveled at the beauty of the bathroom.

I looked back down and rested my forearms on my thighs as I began tracing the patterns on the white marble floor.

I heard someone leave and wondered if he was here when I'd walked in. I continued to concentrate on the floor, and felt relieved when my erection wilted after a few minutes.

My head snapped up when I heard the door open.

"Edward? The food is –"

Her voice cut off as I quickly stood up. I jerked the stall door open and stuck my head out. "Bella, this is the men's room."

She looked around the room before looking back at me. "Who cares?"

I stepped out of the stall and her eyes darted down to my crotch as her lips turned up into a small smile. "Took care of your problem?"

I took a few steps toward her and pressed her back against the wall, skimming my nose against her jaw as I spoke. "Why are you so evil?"

She laughed as I spoke, but it turned into a series of moans as I pulled up the front of her dress and my hand crept into the front of her panties.

She spoke through pants and whimpers, and I forced myself not to give in. "Edward…we're in a…we're in a public bathroom."

"Who cares?" I repeated her previous words.

Her brows knitted together and her eyes closed as I slowly continued rubbing the bundle of nerves between her folds.

"Edward…please…"

I stopped what I was doing and pulled my head back to look at her. "Please what?"

She opened her eyes. "Please…harder." She let out a huff of air. "Why did you stop?" She placed her hand over mine and began using my hand to rub herself. It took all of my  
control not to just let her continue, but I pulled my hand out of her panties before she had a chance to keep going. I wasn't going to let her have her way.

She always did this to me. And besides, I was having too much fun to just give in.

I brought my fingers up to my mouth and licked them clean before speaking. "It'll be better if we wait, remember?" She scowled at what I said as I walked over to a sink and washed my hands.

She gestured toward the stalls. "But you didn't wait."

I smirked at her and saw her try to hide a smile. "I didn't do anything."

I walked back to her and laughed at the look on her face. "Babe, it was _your_ idea. Not mine. Can we just stop this long enough for me to enjoy my birthday dinner with my family?" Her face  
fell and my heart sank. I shouldn't have said that. It's not like she ruined the dinner.

She spoke in a small voice. "I'm sorry."

I kissed her cheek to let her know it was okay, before taking her hand and walking out of the bathroom. "Come on. Let's eat."

There was a man standing outside the door, a stern look on his face as he gave us the side-eye before walking into the bathroom. Bella buried her face in my shoulder and I bent my  
head to kiss the top of her head. I didn't blame her for being embarrassed – especially at a place like this.

When we got back to the table, I was glad to see that I'd ordered steak. I didn't even remember telling the waiter I'd wanted it done medium.

I felt much more relaxed than before, and I was glad that I could enjoy my food without any…distractions.

Emmett leaned toward me and I looked at him as I cut a piece of the meat and put it in my mouth.

"So, uh…did you guys have fun in the bathroom?" He wiggled his eyebrows and I fought the urge to jab him with my fork.

"Shut up."

He sat back with a smirk on his face, and I shook my head slowly as I reached for my wine glass and brought it to my lips. My father reached for his as well, and held it up before  
speaking. "Happy birthday, son." Everyone reached for their glasses and held them up, wishing me a happy birthday before taking a sip.

"Thank you."

I felt the tablecloth move a bit before Bella laced her fingers through mine under the table.

"So how does it feel to be an old fart?"

I turned to Alice with a raised brow. "I wouldn't be making fun. You're not too far behind." To be honest, I _did_ feel old. And it sucked. Every year seemed to go by quicker than the  
last, and I couldn't do anything to slow it down.

I looked at Bella as she let my hand go and squeezed my knee before leaning. "It's okay, baby. You're my old fart." She kissed my cheek before smiling at me, and I smiled back  
instinctively.

I looked over at Jasper, who was sitting across the table. "So, Jasper. What do you do?"

He looked up from his plate, and I looked at the light green color of his eyes. I caught myself wondering if Bella found them to be nicer than my own eyes.

"Actually, I just graduated this past May. I started working at a law firm on Avenue of the Americas two months ago and I'm going to begin working toward getting my MBA  
this coming September."

Wow.

I took a quick glance at Alice. She was staring at him with a big smile on her face. I looked back at Jasper, and reminded myself to be nice. This wasn't Brian.

He seemed really nice, and he didn't sound as if he was bragging at all. He was just answering my question.

"That's great. I work on Avenue of the Americas as well."

He gave me a small smile before speaking. "Yeah, Alice told me. At Rockefeller, right? For NBC?"

"Yeah. So are you an old fart, too?" I hope he has a sense of humor.

He turned to Alice with a raised brow and a smirk before laughing. "Yeah. I guess I am."

All three of us turned to my father as he spoke. "Alice, if being 23 makes them old, then what does that make your mother and me?"

Alice shrugged and held her hand out toward Bella. "I don't know. All I know is that Bella and I are still young."

Bella gave her a high-five across the table, and we turned toward Emmett as he spoke. "Ooh, ooh! So are we!" He gave Rosalie a high-five as she laughed.

I turned to Bella with a scowl on my face. "Bells, you're supposed to be on my side!"

"Sorry, but girls rule, boys drool."

"Fine. Bros before hoes." I held my fist out toward Jasper and he laughed as he pounded it.

"_Edward_." I turned to my mom and looked back down at my plate when I saw the scornful look on her face.

I muttered a "sorry" before turning toward Bella. "You made me get in trouble."

"Pfft. You did that to yourself."

I laughed as I cut my steak. She was right.

We spent the rest of our time talking and eating, and I realized that Jasper really was nothing like Brian, which let me relax a bit more about Alice.

He had graduated from Princeton University, and he was originally from Mississippi. I hadn't even noticed his southern accent until Bella asked him about it.

Everyone kept quiet on the ride back home. The only sounds were the occasional whispers between each couple.

I wrapped my arm around Bella's small frame and kissed the top of her head as she leaned into me. I looked out my window to watch the passing buildings and lights. The city  
looked so peaceful when you weren't in the middle of it all.

I looked down at Bella as she let out a yawn. What little makeup she had on before was almost completely gone, and she looked exhausted. "Are you tired, love?"

"No."

She barely let me get out the word before she answered. I looked at her skeptically. "Okay." I wasn't going to argue about it in the car. I know she'd keep denying it.

She looked up at me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not tired, though."

"I know, baby. It's okay."

When we got home, we all went inside and sat around the living room table. Everyone had put their gifts on the table, and I cocked my head to the side when I saw them.

"Why do you guys do this?"

"Because we love you. Now shut up and open 'em."

I laughed at Emmett as I reached forward and took the first gift.

"That one is from us."

I smiled up at my parents as I unwrapped my gift. "Holy…yes! Thanks!" I set the box aside and got up to hug both of them.

"You're welcome. We hope you like it."

Like it? I fucking loved it! "Of course I like it! This is amazing!" They'd gotten me a MacBook Air, and I couldn't thank them enough. I wanted to wait until my desktop broke down and  
I couldn't use it, but I was so glad I didn't have to use that old thing anymore.

I opened the rest of my presents, and loved every single one of them. Alice got me a GPS system and blue Rangers pajama pants, Jasper got me _The Tipping Point_,_ Outliers_, and _Blink_  
by Malcolm Gladwell, and Emmett and Rosalie got me a baseball signed by Mickey Mantle – fucking Mickey Mantle! I couldn't even imagine how much that must have cost them.

"We were gonna get you a signed Louisville Slugger, but it cost like $6,500."

Was Rosalie trying to apologize or something? "This is unbelievable! I'm gonna put this in a plastic case and no one's ever gonna touch or breathe on this thing."

I loved my gifts. And I loved my family.

After saying goodbye to Rosalie and Jasper, I sat back down, pulling Bella down on top of me. She let out another yawn as she leaned back against me.

"So you're not tired?"

"Nope." Another yawn.

"I don't know…you seem sleepy." Now I was just teasing her. I knew she wouldn't go to sleep.

"I'm not."

"I think you are. Come on. I'll take you home."

"No. I want to celebrate."

I couldn't hold in my laugh as I spoke. "But we just celebrated."

She turned her head and dropped her eyebrows as she looked at me. "Edward Cullen, you know what I mean."

"I'm not sure I do."

She turned around and straddled my waist as she rubbed my crotch with a flat palm. "I want to celebrate."

I let out an involuntary grunt as I pulled her hand away. "Okay, I asked for that."

"Please?"

"You're gonna kill me with that pout one day. But there's no need for it. I want to celebrate just as much as you do." I kissed right behind her ear before whispering, "You go on up  
and I'll be there in a few minutes."

She beamed up at me, and I smiled back at her. "Do you want me to bring your presents up?"

"Please." I gave her a quick kiss before walking toward the kitchen. "Thank you."

I poked my head into the kitchen and was glad to see that Alice was the only one there. "Hey."

She looked up and smiled at me from her place at the table. "Hey. Happy birthday again."

"Thanks." I raised myself up onto the counter next to the fridge and watched Alice play with her cup of…whatever was in there. "What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"About…?"

"Jasper."

"Did he do something?"

"No. Everything's great. Perfect, actually."

"Good. I wanted to ask you, could you tell him I said thanks again? For the books, I mean. He didn't have to get me anything." I really didn't expect him to get me anything. Tonight  
was the first time I'd ever even met the guy.

"Yeah, I'll tell him. And I told him not to get you anything, but he wanted to. He didn't ask me for help, though, so he was worried you wouldn't like them. He said they were amazing books."

"The books were a great gift. I already read _The Tipping Point_, and I loved it. I wanted to read the other two, so it was perfect." I didn't know if I should've started asking about him  
yet, but I went for it anyway. "He seems really nice. Is he always like that?"

"You mean is he always nice? Yeah. And he doesn't even try. That's the best part. He's genuinely a nice guy. But we had a fight the other day. That kind of sucked."

They were already fighting? "About what?"

She let out a long sigh. "He never lets me pay for anything. _Anything_!"

I let out a laugh as I hopped off the counter. "Sounds familiar. That's not a fight. The only thing I'll tell you about that is that he likes doing it, so let him do it."

"Can I tell you something? But you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Okay."

"I think he's the one."

I must have heard wrong. "Like the _one_, the one?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know already? You've only been together for…it hasn't even been a week yet."

"A girl always knows. Don't you want to be with Bella forever?"

Of course I did. "Yeah, but…I didn't know that a few days after I met her."

"You were 9, Edward."

"True. But it took _years_ before I knew how I felt."

"Because you're not a girl."

I thought about it for a few seconds. Maybe she was right.

"Can I tell Bella?"

She waved a hand in the air. "Oh, I already told her."

"She didn't tell me."

"I told her not to tell anyone, including you."

Why? "Why?"

"Because I thought you'd kill me for wanting to get married so soon into a relationship. And then you'd go and kill whoever I wanted to marry."

I felt my eyes get wide and I took in a deep breath as I felt myself rage.

"Not now! I don't want to get married anytime soon."

I let out the breath in a big whoosh and told myself to calm down.

"Isn't Bella waiting for you upstairs?"

"Oh, shit. Yeah. Thanks."

I turned around and ran toward the stairs, taking them two at a time.

I walked through the dark hallway and opened my door. "I'm sorry, I –" Was I seeing things? I couldn't help the huge grin that was plastered on my face. "What are you doing?" I  
walked in and closed the door behind me before locking it.

Bella's head whipped around to look at me, her cheeks red. "Nothing!"

"Were you just checking yourself out in the mirror? In my _Rangers_ pajama pants?"

"No!" She shoved the pants down, and I took a few steps toward her, leaning down to pull the pants back up.

"Leave them on." She looked so hot in them. I kissed her stomach and stood back up.

"No way. I'm not wearing these." I held her hands in mine when she went to take them off again.

"Please. Keep them on. For me. It's my birthday."

She put her hands on my chest and pushed me back, onto the door. "Okay. I'll keep them on. But you can't tell anyone about this."

I wrapped my arms around her waist and smirked down at her. "No problem. So, did you convert?"

"Never. I just like the blue color."

"And the logo pattern all over the pants."

She narrowed her eyes. "Ew. No."

I would love it if I could just make her love the Rangers one of these days. There was no chance of that happening, though. She and I both knew that.

I leaned in slowly to kiss her, only to have her put her hands on my chest and push me away.

"Wait." She walked over to my desk and picked up a small wrapped box, handing it to me. "Happy birthday."

"I can't accept this, Bella."

"Why not?"

"No more gifts. Please."

"Just open it."

I unwrapped the gift slowly, and looked at her with a smile before taking of all the wrapping paper and opening the box. "Thank you, baby. I love it."

"Do you not like it?"

"What? No! I love it." How else could I say I loved it? It was a black G-Shock. My other watch broke months ago, and I never got around to buying a new one. "Thank you. I needed one.  
This one's amazing." I took it out of the box and tossed the box on my bed before putting on the watch.

"You accept gifts from others without any fuss. I want you to have something you love."

I stared at the wall behind her as I spoke. "I already have something I love. Unconditionally."

She turned her head around and looked at the wall before walking toward me. "Your awards?"

I looked down at her and stroked her cheek. "You."

I cupped her face in my hands as I finally let my lips touch hers. I pulled back and let out a breath of relief. I had been waiting for this the entire day.

We kissed deeply for what seemed like an eternity before Bella slid down onto her knees. "Oh, God…"

I willed myself not to come as she unbuckled my belt and pulled my pants and boxer-briefs down, taking me in her hand.

"Bella…shit…" I was so grateful that she wasn't going slowly. I couldn't handle that right now. On every other upstroke, she swiped her thumb across the head, and my hips bucked  
up involuntarily. She kept up her ministrations, never slowing down.

I almost yelled out in frustration when she pulled her hand away. The first beads of pre-cum formed at my tip, and I screamed out when her lips wrapped around the head.

"Baby, be quiet. Everyone's home."

I honestly didn't give a shit who was home right now. I let out a meek "okay" before I felt her swirl her tongue around the head of my cock and suckle gently. "Bella, no teasing  
tonight." My voice was strained as I forced the words out.

She sucked harder, and I felt my knees buckle before regaining my composure. She grabbed my hands before pulling off again. "I want you to fuck my mouth."

My mouth dropped as I stared down at her. Fuck her…fuck her mouth. Okay. Yeah. Okay. "Fucking…fuck. Like that…just like that…"

She put my hands behind her head and waited for me to…fuck her mouth. As much as I loved it when she was in control, or even when I was in control, nothing was sexier than  
when she let me _have_ control.

I thrust my hips forward, slowly at first, then harder with each push. I tangled my hands in her hair as she put one hand on my hip, her thumb resting on the V-shape there. I noticed  
that her curls were beginning to loosen, and I ran my hands through them as I watched her take in my length.

"Beautiful…so beautiful…" She was so stunning.

She brought her other hand down and I saw her put it in the pajama pants. "Fuck. Fuck! Are you…? Bells…what are you…?" I couldn't ask it. One, I could barely speak. Two, if I even  
thought about it, I'd be done. I realized I wasn't even giving her a chance to answer, and it took all the strength I had to stop thrusting.

She pulled back and let go with a _pop_. I looked at the way her saliva had made my cock shine. I missed the warmth of her mouth, and stopped myself from telling her to just take  
me back in her mouth. "Am I what?" My eyes darted to the moving form in the pajama pants. "Am I fingering myself?" Oh, God. Why was she talking in a seductive voice? She was  
trying to kill me. "Yeah. I am. Why? Does it turn you on?"

All I could do was whimper and nod.

"Good. Because sucking your cock…" She opened up her palm and rubbed the head of my cock with it. "…turns _me _on."

"Oh God, baby…" Fuck…fingering herself…as she sucked me…with my wife beater and pants on. I don't know what I did to be so lucky, but this had to be the best birthday I'd ever had.

_And the night's not even over yet._

She took me back into her mouth, and I let out a stream of grunts, moans, and profanities as she alternated between flicking the tip of her tongue against my frenulum and running  
her tongue along the veins on my length. I continued to thrust in and out, and watched her hand as it move from the pajama pants to my sac. Feeling her juices on my skin did me  
in. My thrusts turned into jerks, and I prayed to God she didn't gag. I couldn't control my movements.

I tapped her shoulder quickly. "Oh, God. _Fuck. Shit! _Unghhh…ah…get off, get off." She wouldn't budge! Did she not get my warning? I pushed at her shoulders and tried to pull  
back. "Bella, get off! I'm gonna…"

She pulled back and looked up at me. "Come in my mouth, Edward." She held my cock and let the head rest against her tongue. I couldn't believe she was doing this.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit."

She let go of my cock as I brought a hand down to hold it, and I tapped it against her tongue a few times before finally releasing. "Fuck! I'm coming!"

I held still to make sure not to get any on her face. I watched as spurt after spurt shot into her mouth…and she took it like a fucking champ.

She licked me one final time before swallowing everything.

I slumped back against the door and fell to the floor slowly, coming eye-to-eye with Bella. I let out a long breath and looked at her with a smile. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me."

"I know you didn't like doing that."

"I didn't do it for myself. I did it for you."

"Thank you."

She laughed, and I laughed in response. "Don't thank me."

We both flinched when someone knocked on my door. "Bro, I'm glad you're having a happy birthday, but can you shut up for like three minutes so we can go to sleep?"

I looked at Bella with wide eyes and tried to hold in my laugh when I saw her blush.

After Emmett walked away, I sat on the floor for a few more minutes, my knees bent up, waiting to…recover.

I caught Bella looking between my legs, and quickly closed my knees and dropped my legs. I gave her a sheepish smile. "Don't look…"

She let out a small laugh. "Why not? You're my boyfriend. My other half. And it's not like it's something I haven't seen before. A penis and balls is a penis and balls."

I laughed at her choice of words. "Bella, that was more a 'penis and balls'. That was everything." Being spread eagle was different than just being naked.

"Good. I want to know everything. I know there are still things we don't know about each other, even if they aren't things like…that." She gestured toward my crotch and I  
squirmed a bit. "Would you want me to feel shy and embarrassed when I'm with you?"

"No, of course not." I thought about it, a smile creeping over my features. "Well…I don't know. You're cute when you get shy."

She let out a small laugh. "Edward, please don't be embarrassed when you're with me."

"Says the girl who blushes for everything."

"That's involuntary!"

It felt silly to think that she had to remind me not to be embarrassed when I was with her. She was absolutely right, though. She was the sole person I could be completely  
comfortable with.

I held Bella's hand and stood up, pulling her up with me. I held the backs of her thighs, pulling them up and around my waist as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I walked  
us over to my bed, laying her down on her back as I hovered over her. The only light in the room was the dim glow of the moon. I couldn't help but stare as it gave a pale blue tint  
to her skin. She was perfect.

I lowered my head to her neck and kissed it gingerly. "Beautiful…"

My hands crept under the hem of her shirt, rubbing her soft stomach as I crashed my lips onto hers. I tried forcing myself to slow down, to savor the moment, but there was no way  
I could hide my need for her. I bit her bottom lip before running the tip of my tongue along the same line.

Bella let out a soft moan, and I knew I wouldn't be able to take much more. I grabbed the hem of the shirt and pulled it over her head, bunching it up into a ball and throwing it on  
the floor. I couldn't help but stare at her for a few seconds, wondering for the millionth time that night, how I'd gotten so lucky.

I kissed the swell of her breasts, speaking as between kisses as I moved down her body. "As much as I loved seeing you in that dress…and as much as I…love seeing you…in these  
amazing, _amazing_ pants…" She tugged lightly on my hair and I looked up at her with a smirk. "…I'd much rather prefer you…with nothing on."

She whimpered as I hooked my thumbs in her panties and pulled them down below her knees with the pants. She kicked them the rest of the way off and I pushed myself up to give  
her a quick kiss on the lips. I traced over her tattoo with my fingertips, trailing kisses where my fingers had touched as I listened to the soft whimpers and sighs that left Bella's lips.

I realized she hadn't gotten her release before. I spread her legs farther apart before laying between them. I suppressed a groan when I saw her soaking wet center, and I realized that  
I was fully hard again.

"Edward, don't. I want tonight to be about you."

I peered up at her. "This is as much for me as it is for you."

I lowered my head, lapping at her juices as I laid a hand on her stomach. Her breathing had picked up, and on impulse, I moaned every time she did. The sounds emanating from her mouth  
were suddenly stifled, and I looked up quickly.

She had grabbed the pillow from under her head and covered her face with it.

"Don't. I want to hear you."

"Your parents –"

"It's okay." They were probably asleep by now anyway.

She put the pillow back under her head as I lowered my mouth to suck on her clit.

"_Fuck! _Fuck…more."

I growled when I heard her curse, and she moaned in response.

"I love your taste…"

She wove her hands in my hair as she began to writhe.

I alternated between licking her outer lips and sucking on her clit. She tugged on my hair, and my hips thrust against the mattress on their own accord.

"Edward…_ughhh_…baby…fuck…_baby!_"

She was close. I flicked my tongue vigorously against her clit, scraping my teeth against it lightly.

She held my head in place and pulled my hair as she climaxed. I moaned loudly as her juices flowed over my mouth, lapping up as much as I could.

I wiped my mouth on my arms, looking at Bella as she stared at me. An idea crossed my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything about it.

She'll find it repulsive.

_Fuck it. Just ask her._

I raised my eyebrows, hoping I wouldn't make a fool of myself. "Do you want a taste?"

I thought I imagined the small nod of her head, but then she nodded more forcefully, and I felt my heart race.

I lunged onto her, attacking her lips once more. She moaned into my mouth, and I think I died and came back to life when I thought of the fact that she was tasting herself.

I pulled back and held her wrists in one hand, bringing her hands above her head. I looked up at our hands before looking down at her.

"Is this okay?" It broke my heart to think about the past right now, but I had to make sure she was fine with this.

I relaxed when she looked up at me with a small smile. "Yes. Don't worry." I rolled my hips, grinding my cock onto her stomach. I looked down to see that I was already  
leaking, and grabbed my cock with my free hand. I positioned myself at her entrance, rubbing my tip up and down her slit.

I trailed kisses along her jaw, up to her ear, before nibbling on her earlobe. "Are you ready?"

She breathed out a shaky "yes," letting out a heavy sigh as I entered her slowly.

We made love for a while, slowly, as we kissed softly.

"Edward…" We were both panting hard, our words barely audible.

"Yeah…yeah…"

"Harder…fuck me…fuck me…"

"Jesus Christ…" I spoke through clenched teeth, drilling into her as I held her hips in a tight grip.

I focused in on my Bella, and nothing else existed. Nothing other than her.

I dropped my head into the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent as her hands went to the back of my head.

"I. Fucking. Love. Your. Pussy." I drove into her with fervor, emphasizing my words with each thrust.

"Edward!" I felt her clamp around my dick, and I brought a hand down to rub circles on her clit.

"God, Bella…I fucking love you…I love you."

"I love you, too. So…so much. I…_fuckkk!_…"

I continued thrusting into her as she clenched around me and came, whispering everything I felt for her in her ear. I stilled my movements as my cock twitched and I spilled  
into her, a series of grunts leaving my mouth.

I pulled out and lay down next to Bella, hugging her to my chest.

"Happy birthday."

I pulled back to look at her. What an angel. "Thank you." I kissed her forehead before we got under the covers. We lay together for a while, not saying much.

"Edward, this was amazing."

"You're telling me."

She giggled as I poked her hip. "Do you feel okay?"

I played with her hair absentmindedly, running my hands trough her locks as I looked into her eyes. I suddenly wished I had turned on my lamp. "Yes. Why?"

She kept quiet, and I thought about her question. It finally dawned on me what she was asking.

"I'm fine, Bella. I've gone longer than a week without it before. If I can't handle it, I'll let you know."

She nodded, leaning forward to give me a quick kiss. "My dad's gonna kill you," she said with a small smile.

"Why?"

"I'm starting to spend more nights here than I do in my own home."

I pulled back, holding her shoulders and raising an eyebrow. "I didn't invite you to stay the night."

"Shut up!" She buried her face in my chest as I laughed and stroked her back. I was so grateful she didn't take everything seriously.

I reveled in the feel of her hot breath on my skin as she spoke. "I can't walk out of this room tomorrow."

"Why not?"

"We weren't exactly trying to keep quiet. Your family is gonna give me the side-eye and I'm gonna die of embarrassment."

"Bella, they know we have sex. And this definitely isn't the first time…or the tenth time…or the hundredth time –"

"Okay, I get it!" She laughed as she grabbed my hip.

"I'm just trying to say that I'm not gonna stop having crazy animal sex with my sexy girlfriend just because they can hear it. I know it's rude, but I'm just gonna be selfish  
on this one." I smiled to myself when she didn't answer. I'd bet anyone a thousand dollars that she was blushing right now. "Or I'll just move out," I said with a shrug.

I felt a wetness on my skin and pulled Bella back to look down at my chest. It was too dark to see what it was, but I looked up at Bella as soon as I saw something glisten on my skin.

"What? What happened?" I felt frantic as I saw the streams falling down her cheeks.

"I miss my mom."

I felt like such a dick for being shocked.

But I was _shocked_. Not because she missed her mom, but because she _mentioned_ her mom. Bella only mentioned her once after her death, and that was when we were thirteen. She  
hadn't said much back then, and she didn't say much right now. Just like she did when we were thirteen, she just cried.

I stopped myself from probing any further into the issue. We would talk about this another time, when we were both thinking clearly and not ready to go to sleep. I would do my  
best to comfort her for now.

I hugged her to me tighter and kissed the top of her head.

No, I couldn't take this. If she wanted to tell me about it now, I would listen.

I spoke in the softest voice I could manage. "Do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head, and I pulled her back to wipe her cheeks. "Bella, it's okay. She loves you so much.  
Think of how proud she is every time she looks down and sees how much you've grown." I didn't really believe in life after death, but Bella believe in those things way more than I did.

All she said was a simple "yeah" as she looked into my eyes and nodded.

I held her face in my hands and kissed her lips softly. "Okay?"

"Okay." She gave me a small smile, and I smiled back, feeling my heart break at her pain.

We would definitely talk about this.

She turned her back to me, pushing her back against my chest. I buried my face in her hair and we laid in silence for a few minutes.

I looked over her shoulder and saw my journals stacked on the top shelf of my closet. Bella had begun reading them last week, and it felt amazing that someone besides me knew  
my thoughts. She'd get jealous whenever she read something about a girl, and it was adorable. Other than that, she didn't get mad at anything, and she didn't really question any of  
my thoughts. That was the best part. To know that someone accepted my deepest thoughts without judging me, and to know that that someone was Bella.

Though I knew it wouldn't make her feel much better, I tried to lighten things up a bit. "So, now that you spent all this money on my gifts, how are you gonna pay for our date?"

She kept quiet, and I felt myself being to worry. "I was kidding, Bella."

"I'm thinking." I smiled at her as she stared at my watch and looked back up at me. "I'll rob a bank."

"What?"

"That's how I'll pay for our date. I'll rob a bank."

I could tell she was smiling, and I felt myself relax. "I don't think robbing a bank will be an easy task for us. And going to jail won't be too good for us, either."

"You mean you don't think it'll be good for _me_."

"No. _Us_. I'm not leaving your side."

She turned back around, curling into my chest. "Don't move."

"What?"

"Don't move out. I don't know what I'll do without you as my neighbor."

She was listening when I had said that?

"Let's find a place together. Move in with me."

I shut my mouth as soon as I heard what I'd said.

* * *

**Ahhh! What is Edward saying?  
(Okay. If Edward [or Rob] asked me to move out of my house and move in with him, my shit would be packed and in a U-Haul truck in a heartbeat.)**

**A little fact: There's actually a player in the NHL named Matt Cullen. And there used to be a John Cullen, but he retired. Matt Cullen **_**did**_** play for the Rangers as a free agent, but only for one season. And that was five years ago. Here's the back of Matt's jersey, just for a visual:**

**As always, please review!**


	22. Chapter 21

**The song for this chapter is "Sparks" by Coldplay.**

"_**Did I drive you away?  
I know what you'll say.  
You'll say, "Oh, sing one we know"  
But I promise you this,  
I'll always look out for you.  
That's what I'll do."**_

**- JayBee**

**

* * *

**

BPOV

"So?"

I looked up at Edward as he squeezed my hand. The sun gave his hair a tint of dirty blonde, and I looked down at his hand in mine before looking up at his eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Bellaaa, give me an answer. It's been…" His lips moved as he looked away and counted the days. "…11 days."

"I don't know."

He stopped walking and let go of my hand. He took a few steps back and leaned on the trunk of a tree. I took a few steps forward, closing the distance between us.

He took hold of my hands and wrapped them around his waist as he wrapped his arms around mine. "You can say no."

"I don't want to say no."

I watched his lips as they pulled up into a smirk. "So say yes." I kept quiet. I didn't know what I wanted. More important than that, I didn't want to break his heart. He rested his  
forehead against mine, and I immediately looked down. "Bella." My eyes shot up and I held my breath as I stared into his striking eyes. "Please…give me an answer. I hate not knowing  
what you're thinking." He pulled his head back before looking down at our shoes. I heard him mumble something about wishing he could read my mind, but I didn't probe any further.

I held his face in my hands and kissed his nose before looking at him. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

Do I want to move in with Edward? I would love to, someday. "But I keep shooting you down."

"No you don't."

"I do. First with the marriage and kids…now with this…I'm sorry. I'm scared. I don't want to move too fast. If we mess this up –"

He quickly put his hand over my mouth. "'re not gonna mess this up. I shouldn't have brought this up that night, but I did. I wasn't thinking before I spoke. And then I wanted to take  
my words back, only because I knew it would be too soon for you. But then I thought that maybe you would see it the way I see it." I shivered slightly and he pulled me closer to him. "Think of  
all the nights you sleep over. Living together will just be a sleepover every night."

I buried my face in Edward's shirt and mumbled, "Not yet."

He kissed the top of my head and pulled my face away from his chest to kiss my lips softly. "That's fine."

My heart broke when I heard the sadness in his voice. I felt even worse when I realized he was trying to cover it up.

"I don't want you to move out."

He kept quiet for a while, and the silence was eating me up inside.

"I won't."

"But you want to." I waited a few seconds and squeezed him when he didn't answer. "Edward."

He nodded his head slightly. "Yeah. Yeah, I want to."

I had to be one of the most selfish people on Earth, keeping him back from moving forward with his life. "You should do it."

"Move out?"

"Yeah."

"No. I won't."

"You can't let me hold you back. I'm not giving you what you want, and on top of that, I'm holding you back from doing what you want to do."

His brows furrowed slightly as his lips pulled down into a frown. "You give me everything I want and more just by being here. You're not holding me back from anything. I haven't even  
thought this through. The first time I realized that I actually wanted to get a place of my own was when I brought it up the night of my birthday."

"But you _want_ to do it. And you can afford it. Nothing's holding you back besides me. You didn't dorm at college because of me, you get into fights with people because of me –"

"And I'm always smiling because of you, I'm a better person because of you,I love my life because of you. I didn't dorm because I didn't want to. I get into fights because people are blind  
as to how incredible you are and don't know how to treat you." He nuzzled my neck and kissed it softly. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." He let out a heavy sigh and picked his head up to look at me. "What is it?"

"We should head back. I have to go to work in an hour."

I draped my arms lazily around his neck and gave him a quick kiss. "Don't go."

My heart jumped in my chest when I saw the silly smirk plastered on his face. "Please don't pout."

I pulled my lower lip back in slowly. I hadn't even realized I was pouting. "Don't go. Today's supposed to be your day off."

"I only have to go in for a couple of hours. I'll be back by 5:30. Tanya had to give a presentation today but she got sick. They have no one that can do the presentation now, so I have to go in. It'll be quick."

"Oh. Who's Tanya?"

"You know Tanya. Tanya Denali."

"Your ex?"

"That's the one."

"Oh." When did she start working with Edward?

He took a small step forward and I began walking backwards. After a few steps, he grabbed my hands from around his neck and interlaced his fingers in mine as I walked beside him. "Do you  
want me to help you look for apartments?"

"No. I'm not going anywhere without you. Stop bringing it up."

"But I'm –"

"No."

"But –"

"Nope."

Grrr. "Edw –"

"I said no."

I turned my head to see the small smile on his lips. "Alright, _dad_." And like that, the small smile disappeared. I didn't want him to stay because of what I wanted. If he moved, I could still  
see him every day. I'm sure he'd find someplace close.

But still, I wanted him as close to me as possible.

"Edward."

He turned to me quickly and raised his eyebrows. "Yeah."

"I want to move in with you."

"Bella…don't say that just because –"

"No. I want to." If he asked me to sleep over his house every single day, I'd say yes. Every. Single. Day. If we did move in together and I ever wanted to move out or spend a night at my  
dad's house to have some time alone, I know Edward would understand. It would be like a continuous sleepover.

The more I compared it to the times I slept over his house, the more confident I felt.

"Are you absolutely positive?" I nodded and he squeezed my hand and beamed down at me. "Thank you so much."

It felt as if my heart was going to burst when he was this happy. "I love you."

"Aww. Thank you, baby. That's nice."

"Edward!"

He let out a laugh and looked at me. "What?"

"Say it back."

"It back."

"Edward!"

His features softened a bit and he stopped laughing. "Are your feelings going to change if I don't say it back?"

"Never."

"I love you."

"Always?"

"Always and always and always and always." He smiled again, and I couldn't help but stare at the contrast between his soft smile and the rest of the rugged features in his face.

_This is not the time to ogle over him._

I told my thoughts to shut up. Every second of every day was the perfect time to ogle over Edward. Men like him were one in a billion.

When we got back to Edward's house, I lounged around on his bed and watched TV as he got ready. I turned my head and watched Edward as he rolled the sleeves of his button-down shirt  
up to his forearms and walked over to the bed. He laid his hands next to my head and leaned down to give me a quick kiss. "Bye, baby."

"Bye." I watched him walk away in his grey shirt and black slacks.

Even from the back, he was so fucking sexy.

His head turned to the side as he walked down the hall. "Stop staring at my ass!"

I don't think he understood how hard it was to do that. "Stop looking so adorable!"

He flashed a smile at me as he turned to go down the stairs. I listened to his mother ask him what he was talking about. I wondered what _she_ was talking about. I felt my cheeks burn as I  
blushed. Okay, I knew what she was asking about.

I turned off the TV and heard Edward reply with, "Oh, haha. I was talking to Bella," before he left. Oh, my God. I don't want her to think about me staring at her son's ass!

I groaned and turned onto my stomach, shoving my face into Edward's pillow.

I could stay this way forever – with Edward right next to me, of course. His scent was…something completely different. I don't even know what it is. His shampoo doesn't smell like this, the cologne  
he wears once in a blue moon doesn't smell like this. This was just…Edward. That's the only way I can explain it.

I pushed myself off the bed slowly and went downstairs.

"Oh, hi, dear."

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen." I watched her dice up peppers and throw them in a bowl, smiling at me as she mixed the ingredients with her hands.

"So what are you kids doing today?"

I went to sit by the kitchen island, and turned toward her. "Um…well, Edward's at work, and I think I'm gonna go look for a job while he's gone." What? I didn't even think about doing that. "And  
then I think we're going bowling with a few people tonight.

"That's great. Good luck with the job hunt. How's your father? I haven't seen him in a while."

"He's good. Still working and fishing," I finished with a small laugh.

"Same as always, huh?"

"Yupp." My father was such a routine man. He'd been doing the same thing with his life forever, and he had no intention of changing anything anytime soon. I guess that's what happened  
when people got old. Maybe he just didn't want to change anything because he was settled and content with his life. He didn't really have anyone – a few friends…and me. And I was  
thinking of leaving him to live with Edward. Was that selfish? I didn't want to leave my dad alone in the house, but I wanted to be with Edward. I would have to move out sometime.

"We'd love to have you both over for dinner this Saturday. I'll call him later today to let him know."

I smiled sincerely at her. "Thank you." I got up and gave her a hug. "Bye, Mrs. Cullen. I'm gonna get going."

"Bye, Bella. Tell your father I said hi."

"I will. Thanks."

Thank God she didn't mention me staring at Edward's butt.

"Dad?" I walked inside the house, looking around for him.

"Upstairs, Bells!"

What if my dad didn't want me to move in with Edward?

What if he didn't want me to marry Edward?

I shook the thoughts from my head. No. He wouldn't give me any problems. He liked Edward. If he had any problems, he would have told me about them already.

I made my way up the stairs slowly and went into his bedroom, where he was putting on a t-shirt. "Hey, dad."

"Hey, kiddo." I made a face at the nickname, but didn't say anything. "I'm heading out to Little Italy with Billy. Do you wanna come with us?"

"No, thanks. Oh, Mrs. Cullen is inviting us over for dinner on Saturday."

"That's nice. Maybe we can go early and help with everything."

I let out a small laugh. There was no way. "Dad, you know they would never let you help them. They'd keep telling you that you're the guest and to just sit down." I walked over to him and  
wrapped my arms around him tightly.

He slowly hugged me and rubbed my back. "What brought this on?"

"Nothing."

"Is something wrong?"

"No." I willed myself not to cry. How was I going to move out and just leave him here all alone? I pulled back and walked toward the door before looking back at him. "I'm gonna go job hunting, and  
then bowling, so if I'm not home, you know where I am."

"Have fun."

"Thanks."

I grabbed my car keys and Coach bag from my room and left in a hurry. I wanted to get this over with. Changes made me nervous, and beginning my career would be a huge change.

I sat in my truck and let out a big sigh. I know this is a good move forward, but I'm almost considering putting it off even more. I don't know why I can't just do this. It's not a big deal. Everyone  
has to start their career sometime. Edward began his right after we graduated.

I pulled out onto the road and drove to the first hospital on my mind. After that, it was easier to go to each hospital or medical center. I went to four places, and got an application from three of  
them. The one farthest from my house didn't have a psych ward, but I didn't mind. It was forty-five minutes away. I wouldn't want to drive that far when there were closer and better places  
to work at.

I stopped by at Starbucks on my way back and got a Raspberry White Mocha Frapp – heaven in a cup.

As soon as I got home, I went upstairs and took a shower. I reveled in the feel of the water as it cascaded over my skin. It was amazing how much a shower could relax someone.

I dried myself and put on a black tank and black shorts. I put my iPod on its dock, and turned on some Coldplay. I didn't really enjoy silence the way I used to, only because it made me think  
about Edward's situation even more – I thought about it enough when I wasn't sitting in complete silence. I didn't need the lack of sound to be something else that the thoughts would feed on.

I sat down at my desk and began filling out the applications. I wanted to do this as soon as possible. I had put this off enough.

I heard the doorbell ring and groaned as I went to see who it was.

I smiled before the door was fully open. I was greeted with a big white grin and green eyes. "Hi, baby." I grinned wider at his deep, smooth voice.

I moved to the side as Edward walked in and locked the door behind him before giving me a kiss.

"Hey. How did your presentation go?"

"It was okay." He held my hand and led me upstairs before turning around and walking up the stairs backwards, never letting go of my hand. "I had to compare stock markets with our  
ratings…and a bunch of other bullshit."

I looked down at his feet, only half-listening to him. "You're gonna trip."

"No, I won't."

I looked back up at him He was so graceful, even walking backwards. "Of course you won't. Why, you're Edward Cullen. You would never trip and make a fool of yourself." I smirked, just to  
make sure he knew I was kidding – sort of.

He squeezed my hand. "Don't say things like that."

I heard "Sparks" playing as we walked into my room. Edward lay down on my bed and pulled me down on top of him as he wrapped his arms around me.

At that moment, I felt guilty for all the times I'd called him perfect. Everyone thought him as Mr. Perfect and had such high expectations. I couldn't even imagine the pressure he must feel  
from everyone to live up to those expectations.

Maybe that's why he got into coke.

_No._

Because of all the pressure –

No. Don't think about it, don't think about it, _don't think about it_.

Why was he being so quiet? Why weren't we talking?

I moved my head to look up at him. "I picked up a few job applications today."

"Yeah? That's great, Bells."

He looked excited, and I laughed at his attempt to make me feel proud of myself. I hadn't done anything to be proud of yet. I hadn't even finished filling out the applications. I laid my head on  
his chest and closed my eyes.

Hef didn't attempt to continue the conversation, so I kept quiet as well. A few minutes passed before either of us said anything.

"Bells, can we talk about something?"

I laid my hand on his chest and rested my chin on it, looking into his eyes. "Anything."

"If your mom -"

I turned my head to the side. "Not that."

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"It doesn't matter."

"You said 'anything'."

I felt my anger rising. "We're not talking about that right now."

"Then when?" He was doing a great job keeping his voice calm.

I, on the other hand, felt myself getting angrier with each passing second. "I don't _know_, Edward." I didn't want to talk about her. I didn't want to think about her not being here.

I laid my head on his chest, and for a long while, the only things I could hear were the music and sound of Edward's heartbeat. I looked up to see if he was sleeping and saw him looking  
down at me with a smile. It was more than enough for my anger to subside. We stayed wrapped up in each other for a long while, neither of us saying much.

Edward's voice made me a jump. "Bells, if I tell you something, please promise me you won't panic."

I felt my heart pace. I knew what he was going to say. _Please, God, let this be a dream. Please._

"Bella. Promise me."

"I promise." I could barely hear my own voice.

"I can't take it anymore."

I pushed myself off of him as he sat up against the headboard. "Are you okay?" It sounded like such a stupid question, but I didn't know what else to say.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" He had nothing to apologize for. I moved myself to sit on his lap. He placed his hands on my thighs and used his thumbs to rub small circles on my skin.

My heart sank when he let out a sigh. "I tried to ignore it. Two days ago, when I first...felt it...like I couldn't control it...I did. I controlled it. And then yesterday, again, I got through the  
day. I thought it would get easier, but it's not. I can't do this every day."

I took in a deep breath. I needed to accept that all of this was really happening. I needed to be strong. I mustered up all of my strength to talk to Edward about this without having a  
meltdown. "Edward, why would you think that it would get easier? Didn't you think that you would begin going through withdrawals?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking."

I had to help him. Not because he had asked me to. Because I _had_ to. I couldn't see him like this. "I'm sorry. I don't know what - what should I do? I'll do anything." I held my hands out, not  
sure what to do with myself.

He held my hands and brought them down to my lap. "Bella, please don't panic."

I suddenly thought of an idea, and prayed to God it would work. I quickly wrapped my legs around Edward's waist and draped my arms around his neck as I leaned in to kiss him. He pulled  
his head back in shock before bending down and kissing me. I ran my hands through his hair before placing my hand at the back of his neck. Teeth and tongues crashed into each other as  
we kissed passionately. We couldn't waste time being sensual and slow.

I began unbuckling Edward's belt with my other hand, when I felt his hand on my wrist. He pulled back, panting loudly. "What are you doing?" I leaned forward again, only to have him move his head away. "Bella."

"I'm gonna take your mind off of it. I agreed to help you get through it, remember? I'm going to do it."

He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a long sigh. "That won't help, Bella." He motioned to our laps. "When this is over, I'll still be feeling it. As much as I'd _looove_ to, we can't just have sex forever."

We both let out a small laugh. I loved him for being able to make me laugh at a time like this. "It was working well up until now. Maybe we could talk through it instead?" I almost cringed  
at how childish my plans were. I held his face in my hands and ran my thumbs over his eyebrows. "What can we do?"

My heart sank even farther when he shrugged. He looked so hopeless. "I don't know. I've tried to think of everything. Can I just...Can I do it once more? Just to ease the craving..."

He looked so hurt and desperate that I almost considered it. He looked at me with wet eyes, his brows furrowed. Was he waiting for an answer? I felt like slapping myself hard. How could  
I think about letting him do it again? "No."

"Just once."

"Listen to yourself, Edward. What would that do? Give you relief for what, a week? Maybe even less. And then you'd be back in this same position, probably feeling even worse than you do now."

He laid his head back against the headboard and looked up at the ceiling. "I know, I know."

"We can't stop this by ourselves." I prayed to God he wouldn't get mad at what I was suggesting.

He brought his head back up, looking at me. "Well, we're gonna have to. I'm not going anywhere, if that's what you're implying."

"How else are you going to conquer this?"

"I just...will."

I rolled my eyes. "Great answer."

"Well, what do you want me to say? I can't fucking control this shit anymore!"

"That's why we're gonna get you help."

"No, we're not. Everyone will find out, Bella. Everyone. The whole neighborhood. My friends, my family...my _family_. They can't find out about this." He picked me up off his lap and set me  
down on the bed as he stood up.

"Edward, calm down."

"No. You don't_ understand_, Bella. Do you know how fucking embarrassing it would be if everyone found out I was in rehab?_ I _can't even imagine myself in a place like that. My parents are gonna be so disappointed. And Emmett, and Alice...and you. I told you I'm not going anywhere without you. I can't -"

"Then why didn't you think of all these things before you started all this? You don't have to be perfect, Edward." I stood up and held his hands, shaking my head. "You don't have to be perfect."

"I'm not."

"But you feel like you have to be. Don't you? Edward, you're already incredible at everything without even trying. You told me yourself that everyone has flaws. It's okay to slip up once  
in a while. I understand this is more than a slip-up, but it's something that can be fixed. Please. I'm begging you. Go. I don't know what I'd do if this got worse. I'm sorry, but I'm not  
strong enough to help you."

"You're wrong." I cocked an eyebrow. "You're the strongest person I know. I know you don't believe me, but it's the truth." He laid his forehead against mine. I looked down, watching his  
chest move with each breath he took.

I leaned up to kiss his lips gently. "Thank you." I took his hands in mine. "So...?"

"Yes. I'll go."

I felt relieved. I gave him a big hug, and I felt comforted as he wrapped his arms around me. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"Please don't thank me for something like this. This shouldn't be happening right now. I just shouldn't have done it."

"Shh. You can't have any regrets. What's happened has happened."

"This is _not _how I expected to move out."

I hit his chest lightly. "You're _not_ moving out. This is just you...fixing things. Let's go." I held his hand and led him toward the door, only to be pulled back.

"_Now_?"

"Yes. Now."

"Can we do it tomorrow?"

"No, Edward." I couldn't see him like this for another day. Who knows how much worse he'd be tomorrow? I couldn't risk it - knowing he might be trying anything while I was away. And I  
couldn't be with him 24/7 for the rest of our lives. I let out a sigh. "Do you really want to feel this miserable for another day?"

"No." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Come on." I pulled him toward the bedroom door again. I heard his breathing pick up with every step we took. He stopped again as we walked up to the front door of his house. "Edward..."

"No, Bella. I can't do this!" He began panting, and I forced myself to stay calm. Was he hyperventilating? He gasped in a big gulp of air. "I think I'm gonna have a mental breakdown. They're  
gonna kill me. They'll be so pissed. What am I gonna do? Bella, what am I gonna do? I can just imagine their faces and – "

I grabbed his forearms forcefully. "You listen to me, and you listen to me _well_. You are _going _to do this, Edward. Your family has a right to know what's going on. This is not some small white  
lie. You're gonna get help, get clean, and come back so that we can move in together, get married, and have a family. If you don't do this,_ none _of that is going to happen."

He said absolutely nothing. He didn't have to speak a word. Everything he was feeling was evident by the pained look on his face. I held his hand as he unlocked the front door.

We stared at his parents as they turned toward us. They greeted us before turning back to the TV. Mrs. Cullen's head snapped toward us and she darted up from her seat. "What's wrong?"

Was it that obvious?

We sat down on one of the couches as Edward's dad turned off the TV.

"Are Em and Alice home?" Edward's voice sounded so far away, as if he wasn't sitting right next to me.

His mom called for them, and we waited for them to come running down the stairs. I couldn't brush off the tense feeling in the room.

This had to be a dream.

I felt so guilty for putting Edward in this situation, but I would never let him jeopardize his life - especially this way.

Emmett and Alice sat at the couch across the one we were on, and for a few seconds, no one said anything. I gave Edward's hand a little squeeze to let him know it was okay.

He cleared his throat before speaking. I felt like I was about to throw up. "There's something you guys need to know. I mean, there are a _lot_ of things you guys need to know…" He let go  
of my hand and held his head in his hands as he stared at the floor.

He told them absolutely everything, never once looking up from the ground. He told them about Jacob, Jasper, the weed, the coke, the lies, everything. Mrs. Cullen started crying  
immediately, and even then, Edward didn't look up.

"Bella, could you please give us a moment?"

As soon as I moved, Edward grabbed my shoulder. "No! You're gonna stay. Dad, Bella's the only reason I even told all of you what was going on."

I took his hand off my shoulder and placed it back on the couch. "Edward, it's okay."

He shook his head. "You don't have to leave. Please don't leave."

"I'm not leaving. I'll be right outside." I stood slowly and walked outside, closing the door and sitting on the top step. I wondered what they were talking about.

I put a stop to that thought immediately. It wasn't my business. They wanted to speak as a family.

I sat on that step for what felt like hours until I heard the door creak open. I whipped my head around to see who it was.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey." I turned back around and looked out into the street.

"Um...my dad's gonna take Edward to the clinic once he's done packing. Edward told me to ask you if you wanted to go with them."

"Of course."

"'Kay. You don't have to sit outside, you know. You can come in."

I stood up and dusted off my hands before turning around. "Thanks, Em." I gave him a big hug as he wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. He was like a life-size teddy  
bear - made of 100% muscle.

"For what?"

"For being here. For Edward."

He let out a small laugh. "Of course I'm gonna be here for him. He's my blood."

We walked in and went upstairs, Emmett going into his room as I knocked on Edward's door.

"Come in." His voice was faint and husky. I opened the door slowly and walked in, closing it gently behind me. He was hunched over his duffle bag, grabbing things from his closet and  
putting them in. He turned his head toward me and I struggled to keep my expression calm. His eyes were puffy and red, and he sniffled before speaking. "Hi." He sounded miserable.

I walked over to him as he pushed the duffle bag to the side and leaned back against the side of the bed. "Hey. How are you feeling?" I tried to sound cheerful, but it sounded so  
fake, even to my own ears. I straddled his lap as he placed his hands on my hips. I tried to ignore the stabbing pain I felt in my heart when I saw the look in his eyes.

"Like crap. Are you coming?" I nodded my head and he kicked one of the closet doors behind me. I jumped at the loud bang. Edward dropped his head down. "I don't wanna go to fucking rehab."

"It's not forever," I said in a soothing tone. "Just for a little bit." I held his face in my hands and picked his head up to give him a kiss. "Please trust me when I say that you don't want  
to be here when you're too far gone and none of us can help you. You know it'll tear your family apart."

"And you'll leave me."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tightly. "I would never."

He buried his face in the crook of my neck and let out a sigh. "I don't wanna go."

I laid my hand on the back of his head and rubbed my thumb back and forth. "I know, baby. You'll be back soon."

He pulled back and stared at me. "Things only happen 'soon' when I'm with you. Time is _not_ gonna fly when I'm in there, Bella. My entire summer is gonna go to waste."

I didn't want to think of how long he would be gone.

My tears threatened to escape as I looked at him. I was going to miss being this way with him. I force myself to smile softly. "Don't look like that."

"Like what?"

"Like somebody killed your puppy."

"I can't help it."

"You're gonna be back soon."

He shook his head. "It'll take over a month. It might even be six."

"You won't be there for six months." I didn't know who I was trying to convince – him or myself. "Everything will be the same when you get back. Just the way it is now. We'll all be waiting for you."

"Yeah, and everybody else will be talking shit behind my back."

"Fuck everybody else." He let out a small laugh, and I wished more than anything that he would laugh even harder, just so I could see it one last time before he left. "What's so funny?"

"You."

"Why? I'm being serious."

"I know, but when you curse…and you're all worked up…you're so adorable."

"This always happens when we wanna go bowling."

He let out another small laugh, but then the smile was gone, just like that. "Bells, I know that if I just do it one more time, just _once_, it'll go away. The pain and everything. Everything will go away."

What was he talking about? How would that work? "Edward, you're not thinking straight. What you're saying doesn't make sense. It'll take you another day to get the coke, and  
snorting more of it isn't going to miraculously cure you."

"You don't get it," he grumbled in a low voice.

I pretended as if I didn't hear what he said. I wasn't going to argue with him about this. He was starting to act like a little kid, and it broke my heart. I knew this wasn't him.

"Do you want me to let your boss know that you won't be going in for a while?"

He crossed his arms and looked away. "No. I already called and told him everything."

"What did he say?"

"He said he understood and that my position would still be mine when I got back. And he said good luck." He was almost growling out the words.

I held his chin to have him look at me, only to have him jerk his head away. "Why are you acting like this?"

"I'm not acting like anything."

"Is it because you don't wanna go? Or because you wanna do it again and you can't?" I thought of all the things his family and I would do to take care of him if he never went to rehab  
and just kept getting worse and worse.

"_Edward, are you ready?"_

We both looked toward the door when we heard his dad's voice.

"Yeah. I'm coming." We stood up and Edward stopped me as I bent down to get his bag. "I got it."

"No, I'll get it." I bent down to pick the bag up, and lifted it an inch off the ground. I brought my other arm forward to hold the bag with both hands, and wobbled toward the bedroom door.

Edward grabbed the bag and slung it over his shoulder before we walked out. "You go ahead with my dad. I'm just gonna say bye to everyone."

"Okay." I walked down the stairs and sat in the back seat of the car.

Mr Cullen ran his hands over his face before looking at me through the rearview mirror. "I'm sorry I asked you to give us a moment before, Bella. I was just…shocked. I can't explain  
it. I mean, not that I have to explain it to you. He told us how you found out about all this. I can't thank you enough."

"For what?"

"For being strong and helping him come out with it…and for making him do this. He said you're the only reason he's going through with this, and that he'd continue doing it without telling  
anyone if it wasn't for you. And he said that you're the only person he ever planned on telling."

I laid a hand on his shoulder when I saw the tears well up in his eyes. "Mr. Cullen, I'm sure that's not true. He would have told you guys either way." Or they would've noticed a change  
in his looks and his weight – I wouldn't say that right now, though.

"I just never expected Edward to go through anything like this. I never even suspected…"

"I know." It was because of Edward's image. Would Mr. Perfect ever have a drug problem? Of course not.

"It's just…He's our son, and we had _no clue_ what was going on."

"No one knew. We just need to look ahead. He's getting help, and that's all we can ask for right now."

I sat back in my seat as Edward walked out of the house. He put his duffle bag in the front seat before opening the back door and climbing in. He sat next to the door and pulled me to  
him so that I was leaning against him. He kissed the top of my head and looked out the window as we pulled out. I looked outside before looking back at Edward. The night was crystal  
clear today, but I'd much rather watch him.

Edward snuck glances at me every few minutes, but neither of us said a word. I understood if he didn't feel like talking. I don't know what that little episode upstairs was about, but I was  
glad he wasn't mad anymore. The last thing I wanted was for us to be on bad terms when he left.

The 35 minutes it took to drive to the rehab center went by too quickly. I felt my eyes fill to the brim with tears, but willed them back.

As the car came to a stop, it hit me that if Edward wasn't back by next month, he wouldn't get to see Emmett before Em had to leave for college.

As soon as we stepped out of the car, Edward turned around and hugged me as he whispered in my ear. "Please don't make me go. Tell me you don't want me to go. I swear, I'll stop. I don't  
even like doing it. Please, Bella."

It would have been so easy to just tell him I didn't want him to go. I would be speaking the truth. But this wasn't about my wants. This was about his needs. "Edward, you have to." I wanted  
to ask him why he was acting like a kid. It broke my heart to see him this desperate. "Come on, let's go inside."

I held his hand as he grabbed his bag from the car. We all walked inside slowly, none of us really wanting to be there. We got the admittance forms from the front desk and went to sit in the  
waiting room. Edward started filling out the papers as his father picked up a magazine and flipped through it. This place was so…calm and eerie. Everything was beige and white – as if the  
colors of the whole building were completely washed out. As soon as Edward gave the papers in to the lady at the front desk, two men in long white coats came out of a room to take him inside.

Edward turned to me as the men began searching his bag. He hugged me tightly, almost to the point where it was uncomfortable. "Good luck with the job applications."

That caught me off guard, and I mumbled a "thank you" before hugging him back. "This will be over before you know it, and we'll all be waiting for you back home." My voice cracked at the  
end as a few tears escaped. I believed the first half of that sentence just as much as he did. I knew that this would probably be the hardest thing he'd ever have to go through.

"I'm gonna miss you. Don't stop thinking about me, okay? Because I won't stop thinking about you."

"You're always on my mind and in my heart."

"Why did I have to do this, Bella? Why did I have to start?"

"Don't ask 'why' now. That's in the past. It's almost over. Just think about how amazing it'll be when you're done with this. I'm so proud of you for coming here. I love you so much."

"I love you, too. Always. You can't forget that, okay? Even if I'm in here for six months."

"You won't be." What the fuck would I do without him for six months? What would I do without him for a _month_? I felt myself panic at the thought of not being able to see him for over  
a month. "Always?"

He squeezed me even tighter. "Always."

He let me go slowly and gave me a kiss before looking at me for a few seconds. He turned to his dad and hugged him as they spoke. I turned to the two men and saw them throwing  
out Edward's shaving razors and nail cutter.

He pulled back from his dad and looked at us both. "I'll see you guys soon." He turned and grabbed his bag before walking away slowly with the two men on either side of him.

He turned around to look at us one last time before turning the corner.

We walked into another room and sat across a man in a suit. Mr. Cullen discussed the payments he would have to make to the clinic. I had no idea how expensive it was, and I could just  
see Edward trying to pay his dad back when he came back home.

The car ride home was quiet. I did everything I could to hold back the tears, but the lump in my throat was becoming too much.

I explained everything to my dad when I got home, and went upstairs right after, leaving him to eat dinner alone. I couldn't eat anything, and I didn't want to be around anyone. I know  
he wanted to talk about it, but the shocked look on his face was enough for me right now.

I laid down on my bed in complete darkness and finally let the tears flow freely.

I wish my mom was here right now. I could lay down with her right here, and she'd tell me everything was going to be fine. I wonder what she would look like if she was still here.

I turned onto my back and began to pray. I prayed for my mom to come back to life, or for me to be eight years old again. I just wanted to see her one last time. I prayed for Edward to  
finish the treatments and come back tomorrow.

I knew the prayers were a waste. Nothing I prayed for was possible. They were just wishes.

I turned to my side and faintly wondered where the moon and stars were. I waited to see them shining through my window.

I waited all night, looking through the tears that blurred my vision.

Sleeping wasn't an option.

I stayed up all night, wondering what Edward was doing.

**

* * *

**

Would you have pushed Edward to go to rehab? Or just stuck it out and continued trying to keep him away from the drugs? On one hand, he would get help. On the other hand, you'd have him with you at all times, but you'd have to deal with his withdrawals and major mood swings.

**I know some of you might say that one month isn't a long time, but when you need someone as much as they need each other – and I mean **_**need**_** – and you can't even so much as see their face for one month, it'll take its toll on you.**

**Oh, also, I'm not focusing on the weed, because that's not a physically addictive drug.**

**Please review! Your reviews make my day.**


	23. The Only Thing You Talk About

**Here's Chapter 22! (Finally!)**

**BPOV**

"Bella! Look what I found!" I turned to see Alice running toward me with a bunch of clothes in her arms. "Isn't this pretty?"

I nodded as she held out a brown ruffled shirt. "Yeah. It's nice."

"Okay, what about this one?" She rummaged through everything in her arms before holding up a black mini skirt.

"Yeah." I heard the bland tone in my voice, but I honestly couldn't help it.

Alice put everything on top of a rack and threw her arms in the air. "Bella! Can you at least _try_ to be a little more enthusiastic?"

I shrugged, not knowing what to do. "Sorry."

"Do you wanna get something to eat?" I was grateful that she was speaking in a softer tone.

I wasn't really hungry. "Um…sure?" I followed her as she picked everything up again and put them in their places. We left the store and drove to Chili's, Alice singing songs as she  
drove. As soon as "Umbrella" came on the radio, I changed the station.

"Hey! I like that song."

"Sorry. That was our song." _Is._ Not 'was.' Is.

We finally got to Chili's, and I threw myself out of the car as quickly as I could. If I had to hear Alice scream "My body's too bootylicious for you, babe" one more time, I was  
going to leave  
her here and start walking home.

I was thankful that we were seated in a booth. I pushed myself to the very end and leaned against the wall. Alice got the Honey BBQ Chicken Crispers and fries, and I got a root beer.

"That's all you're having? Here." She pushed her plate forward for us to share.

I shook my head and looked away. "I'm not hungry."

She let out a sigh and I turned my head to her. "Bella, you're starting to get dark circles under your eyes. I didn't want to say anything, but you look _really_ bad."

"I know." My dad tells me every day.

"I know you miss him. We all do. But it's been two weeks. You can't mope around the entire time."

Yes I can. "I know."

"Can you please talk?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything. Just talk." She dipped a fry into her ketchup and looked at me expectantly. I didn't know what she wanted me to talk about. "Do you wanna talk about him?"

"No." I immediately felt guilty when her face fell. "Do you?"

"Kind of. Emmett and I always talk about him now. I like it, actually." Her lips pulled up into a small smile.

"I really don't want to talk about him – or even think about him."

"Okay."

"Sorry. I just – I miss him a lot. I can't even explain it." I stopped talking once my voice cracked. I didn't need to break down and cry in the middle of Chili's.

"You don't have to. I get it. He's my brother. But being this way all every day isn't gonna bring him back sooner. Do you think he'd ever want you to be this way?"

She stared at me for a few seconds. Was she waiting for an answer? "No…"

"So stop it. I'm trying really hard to stay positive, Bella. You can't just do this to yourself whenever he leaves. Life doesn't always go as planned, but it could be so much worse. There  
are some things that are out of your control, and if you can't control them, you just have to take them as they come." I let out a small laugh as I twirled my straw between my thumb  
and forefinger. She sounded like an after-school special on TV. "I'm being serious."

"I know. I'm sorry. And you're right."

"Besides, he might be back in two weeks. Remember? It said online that it might only take a month."

"Alice, I think they'll keep him there longer than a month. A month is like…well, it seems like a lifetime, but I don't think one month is enough for something like this." I looked down and  
took a sip of my drink. I don't know if she realized how pained her face looked, but I couldn't look at her.

I felt my stomach flip as she forced a smile. "Come to the pool hall with Em and me tonight."

"I don't feel like playing pool." To be honest, I didn't want to be the odd one out.

"What do you feel like doing?"

Nothing. "I don't know."

She smiled brightly. "Great! Then you're coming with us."

I groaned and dropped my head on the table before picking it back up. "I don't _want _to hang out with you guys."

I held my hand out as soon as I saw the hurt look on her face. "That's not what I meant. When I see you with Jasper, or Em with Rose, it reminds me of what I don't have. I know  
it's selfish of me to think that way, but I can't help it. Everything reminds me of him." I thought time would ease the pain, but the emptiness inside me was only growing with each  
day that passed. When would it get to be too much?

"_Well_, Rosalie and Jasper aren't coming."

"No, Alice, don't tell them not to come –"

"I promise, we didn't invite them. Emmett said that if you don't come, he's gonna beg and beg and beg and beg and –"

"Okay! I'll come." I couldn't help but smile. I would never be able to say no to Emmett if he so much as said "please."

I flinched as Alice squealed and clapped her hands together. "Finally!"

We went to her house and waited for Em to get home, reading old magazines to pass the time.

"Oh, my God! Look how young Britney was here!" Alice tossed a magazine to me and I looked at the cover. Britney Spears on the cover of Tiger Beat.

"Wow…I remember these magazines. How did she ever deny getting a boob job?"

Alice fell onto her back on the bed, cracking up. "I don't know! That would be like…if Jessica denied it. They're huge!"

"At least Britney's are a normal size. Oh my God! Look at this one." I folded the cover back and held the magazine up to her.

"Ew! I can't believe we thought he looked hot like that!"

It was a picture of Justin Timberlake with bleach blonde curly hair and big gold hoop earrings hanging from his ears and cartilage. Whoa.

I closed the magazine and lay on my back, looking up at the ceiling. "Eh, whatever. At least he's hot now."

"And so is Chace Crawford."

"And Jake Gyllenhaal."

"And Brandon Flowers and Travis McCoy…"

_And him_, I thought. Wow. For the first time in God knows how long, I stopped thinking about him for a few seconds. Did that make me a bad best friend? Did that make me a bad  
girlfriend?

I let out a sigh. I wish he was here right now. We could be lying down in his bed together, his warm hard body pressed against mine. I always wondered how that was possible – how could  
his body be so soft and so hard at the same time?

I wonder if he'll seem different when I see him again.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of footsteps coming up the stairs. I assumed it was Emmett because whoever it was went into his room. I pushed myself up as Alice  
went to the door and craned her neck out to sure it was Em. She came back as he appeared in the doorway.

He looked at Alice. "Hey." His eyes widened when he saw me. "Hey, _Bella_!"

I laughed at the way he drew out my name. "Hi, Em."

"Are you coming with us?"

"Yupp."

"Yes!" He came over and sat next to me on the bed before giving me a big hug.

"Ew…you're all sweaty." I gave him a quick hug and pushed him away with a grimace.

"Emmett! Get of my bed!"

He stood p and walked toward the door, turning back before he walked into the hallway. "Relax. I just got back from the gym. It's not like you and Jasper don't get the bed  
dirty with your body fluids."

Alice's jaw dropped and I fell back on the bed laughing. She shut the door and we waited for Em to take a shower and get dressed.

A few minutes after the water stopped running, there was a knock on Alice's door before Emmett walked in. He closed the door and looked at himself in her full-length  
mirror. "Bella, does this look okay?"

A grey wife beater and dark-wash jeans. Always a plus. "Looks good to me."

"Don't you want my opinion?"

He turned to look at Alice. "'Alice, does this look okay?'" He put one hand on his hip and let the other hang in the air as he mimicked Alice's voice. "'Ugh! Who _cares_? It's not like  
anyone's gonna see you.'"

Alice and I started cracking up as he turned back to the mirror and flexed his arms. His biceps and pecs bulged.

"Em, do you ever get sick of being so big?"

"Nope. Does Edward?"

I felt my heart jump into my throat at the mention of his name. I know Emmett wasn't looking for an answer, but I managed to let out a meek "no." It was quiet for a few seconds  
and I tried to speak as my throat opened up a bit.

"He's not a bear like you are." I tried to let out a small laugh to lighten the mood.

Emmett turned around and cocked on eyebrow. "A bear, huh? Do I look beastly?"

Alice and I laughed again as he flexed and scrunched up his face to look mean. "No. More like a teddy bear."

"Oh."

I saw someone tall whiz by the door, toward his room, out of the corner of my eye. My heart was pounding in my chest as I whipped my head toward the door. I stood up slowly  
and walked out into the hallway, vaguely hearing Alice telling me not to do something. I walked toward his room slowly, counting my steps to keep myself calm. I could hardly focus  
on my own thoughts through the sound of the blood flowing, pounding between my ears. I wiped a clammy palm on my pant leg before turning the doorknob and pushing his  
bedroom door open slowly.

"Hello…?" I whispered before turning on the light and taking a step forward.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply as his scent surrounded me. I opened my eyes and looked around, willing myself not to cry.

He wasn't here. Of course he wasn't here.

I looked at his plaques and medals, his trophies and his baseball signed by Mickey Mantle. I looked at his bed, his TV, his dark blue walls, his desk, and his bookshelf. Why hadn't  
I come in here for the past two weeks? I couldn't explain the level of comfort I felt when I was in his room.

It was as if I was waiting for him to come back, as if he was out running an errand and he'd be right back. I stood by the door and imagined just that.

I imagined I was lying down on his bed, watching TV. Maybe he was out with Jasp– Jacob, like the day I overslept and missed dinner. Then maybe Emmett would come in and offer  
me "juice or cookies or something." I smiled at the memory. And then he would come home and we would try to study for our exam but watch a movie together instead. And then he'd  
lie about his pink eyes and he'd lie about Jasper–

I looked down at my shirt when I felt my tears hit the fabric. In one swift motion, I took a step back and turned around. I closed my eyes and shrieked when I felt two strong hands  
on my shoulders.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down. It's just me."

I opened my eyes. "Emmett?"

"Yeah. Emmett." He wiped the tears from my eyes. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. But I called your name like five times." He wiped at my tears again and wiped his hand on  
his shirt. "Are you ready to go?"

I didn't want to go. I wanted to turn back around and sleep in his bed until he came back. "Yeah."

We walked down the stairs, Alice and Em behind me. I don't know if I was supposed to hear it or not, but Alice was telling Emmett not to say his name around me.

When we walked into the pool hall, Emmett paid the guy at the front desk to get a table for an hour. I was glad smoking wasn't allowed in here anymore. That was the only thing I  
used to hate about this place.

After we chose which cue sticks we'd use and Alice set up the balls, I realized that we would have had an even number of players on each team if he was with us.

"Alright. You two can be a team if you want. Girls against…guy. _But_, since you guys have an extra player, I get to break. Fair?"

Alice chimed in before I had a chance to say anything. "Yupp. Just be prepared to lose."

Emmett laughed as he hit the cue ball and a striped ball went into a corner pocket. "Wait. What are we playing for? Losers buy the winner coffee?"

"Yeah. _Loser _buys the _winners_ coffee," Alice said as she hit the cue ball.

I saw a man walking up behind Alice, approaching her quickly. She was still bent over the pool table, and I gave Emmett a worried look. He stood between the man and Alice  
quickly, putting a hand on the man's chest. "Don't touch her." The man looked at me, and I looked away quickly. "Or her. Don't even look at her."

He turned his gaze back to Emmett. "Bro, I didn't even do anything. I swear, I wasn't gonna be rude or nothing. Chill."

"You were coming at her like a fucking rhino. I'm asking you nicely to leave both of them alone."

"Alright, alright. You won't even let them speak for themselves. Damn."

The man turned around and left, calling Em a psycho. Em turned back around to us and continued the game like nothing had happened. No one mentioned what had happened, and I was glad.

We played two games and Emmett won both of them. We went to Starbucks afterward, but he didn't let us pay for anything.

When we got back home, Alice hugged me as soon as she got out of the car. "Thanks for coming, Bella."

"Thank _you_." She went inside as Em turned off the ignition and got out of the car. "Next time, I'm paying for everything."

He let out a laugh. "You can try to. Thanks for finally leaving your cave and coming out tonight."

"What cave? I'm not the bear. You are. I mean, you made that guy back off quick enough."

He let out another small laugh before speaking. "Yeah, well…it was obvious he was gonna try something. So are you gonna be coupe cooped up in your room for another two  
weeks or will we see you again soon?"

"You're going back to school tomorrow night?"

"Yeah."

I gave him a small smile. "I'll come over tomorrow."

"You better." He pointed a finger at me and I laughed.

"I will, I will! Good night, Em."

"Good night."

I couldn't thank them enough for trying to make me feel better. This had to be hard for them as well, and not once did I hear them or their parents complain.

I turned around and walked quickly toward my house, eager to get in bed. I was greeted by my dad as soon as I walked in. His head turned from the TV to me slowly. "Hey, Bells."

"Hi, dad."

"Went out?"

"Yeah. With Alice and Emmett."

He gave me a small smile and I forced myself to smile back. "Good. I was worried you would go stir crazy soon." I rolled my eyes at the remark and let out a small laugh. "Bella, trust  
me when I say that I know how you feel. But at least he's coming back, you know? At least you have that to look forward to."

I kept quiet for a few seconds, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"You shouldn't have to see me sulking this way for something like this. He's coming back…she's not."

"Bells, that's not what I meant."

"I know, but it's true. But I feel like I literally can't function when he's not here."

He let out a long sigh. "I'm only gonna say this once, Bella."

"What?"

"Now, don't get mad…"

"_What_, dad?"

"I know you can't help the way you feel, but this is exactly why you shouldn't make someone your everything."

My face fell flat. "Why? Because when that someone is gone, I'll be left with nothing?"

"Well, yeah."

I felt my blood boiling. "He's not gone! And how would I _not_ make him my everything? Would that even be possible? When I'm sad, he's there. When I'm happy, he's there. Before I go  
to sleep, he's there. When I wake up, he's there. For fourteen years. Almost every freaking day!" I was panting hard, the tears threatening to escape. I would _not_ cry.

I waited. I waited for him to tell me not to raise my voice at him. I waited for him to tell me not to be so dramatic. He said nothing. He merely reached toward the table in front of him  
and picked up a light blue envelope. He held it out to me and I took it from his hand tentatively.

It was addressed to me, written in a very neat script. I looked at the upper left corner of the envelope. His clinic. It was sent from the clinic he was staying in.

I hurried to open the envelope, careful not to rip whatever paper was inside. My heart plunged to my stomach when I saw the handwriting on the letter.

_Hi, baby._

I looked up at my dad. "It's from Edward." I choked on his name. I wasn't able to speak above a whisper. I grabbed the envelope and ran upstairs. "Thanks. Good night."

I ran into my room and shut the door before turning on the light. I put my bag on my desk and hurried to my bed, leaning back against the headboard before looking down at the  
sheet of paper. There was no way to stop the pounding heart in my chest.

_ August 15, 2010_

_Hi, baby._

_How's everything? I've only been here for a day, but I already miss you so much. They said I could send out and  
receive letters, but they check everything before it's sent out or before I get it. They don't read the letters though,  
so we can write whatever we'd like. The only thing that sucks is that it'll take five days for your letters to get  
here, but it'll take about two weeks for mine to get there. I'm only sending out two letters, though. One for you  
and one for my family. The doctors and nurses here speak to me like I'm a five-year-old, and it's really starting to  
get on my nerves. I met a 19-year-old kid here, though, and he's pretty cool. He's a heroin addict, and on top of  
that, he's schizophrenic. I know…wow, right? His name is Aro. I think he's Greek or something. He introduced me  
to his dog and cat – named Dog and Cat. I mean, they don't exist, but I pretend I can see them. There's a psych  
ward here, so they help him out in the rehab clinic and in the psych ward. They said I might have to go to the  
psych ward too, but I don't know why. I thought of you when I heard there was a ward here (not that I ever stop  
thinking of you), but I don't think you'd want to work at a place like this. It would be nice, though. I mean, if you  
were working here right now. __That__ would be nice. More than nice. I could see  
you every day._

_But I think you should know that they said I'm going to be here for 90 days._

I looked away and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I couldn't read through the tears. Three months? What was I going to do without him for three months?

I waited for my tears to subside before looking back down at the letter.

_I know it seems like a long time from now, but if we take it one day at a time, it might not be so bad. I'm going  
to go into detox a bit later, and it's supposed to last like five days or something, so  
I'll write again when I get the chance. I know it sounds harsh, but it shouldn't be too bad, so don't worry._

I forced myself to control my crying. He was trying to make it seem as if the withdrawals would be a breeze to get through.

_How's everything back home? Anything new? There's nothing special here. I have my own room, but with  
almost nothing in it. It's completely white, just like everything else in this place. Oh, and besides all the bedrooms,  
there's a cafeteria. But we can only eat at designated times. I could really go for a Philly Cheesesteak right now.  
I miss everything back home already. And I miss you. I know I already said that, but I don't care. I miss you. I  
miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you._

_Please write back._

_I love you.  
Edward_

_P.S. Don't think I forgot that you still owe me a date!_

I laughed through my tears at the way he made it seem like he wanted me to pay for everything.

I ran my fingertips over the small crinkled spots at the bottom of the letter. My breath caught in my throat when I realized they were his tears. But why? If he's hurting this  
much, he should tell me.

I sat for a few seconds and though things through. He wrote this letter the second day he was there. He's been there for two weeks already, and he's going to be there for three  
months all together, which means there are two and a half months left. I felt a little bit better to know that half a month had gone by already. And if he wrote this letter two weeks  
ago, that means he should be done with the detox by now. He should have been done with it last week. So why hasn't he written any other letters?

He must be waiting for a reply.

Screw sleep.

My heart ached as I folded the letter and put it on my bedside table. I got a piece of paper and a pen and sat back down quickly. I stared at the blue lines on the blank sheet of  
paper, not knowing where to begin.

I touched the tip of the pen to the paper and wrote down everything on my mind, everything I could think of.

_ August 30, 2010_

_Dear Edward…_

**Please review!**

* * *

-JayBee 


	24. Mr Owl Ate My Metal Worm

**Here's the next chapter!**

**I just want to give out a big thank you to liasparks for the song she recommended. I listened to the song, and I **_**love**_** it. Just reading the lyrics broke my heart. It fits this story so perfectly, and it took everything in me not to put it in for this chapter. I think it'll go a lot better with the next chapter, when the story's in BPOV.**

**- JayBee**

**

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**

EPOV

I lay down on my back with my hands behind my head as I stared up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and pretended I was in my room, in my own bed.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to the side when I heard the door open slowly.

"Edward, you know the door's supposed to stay open." It was Leah, one of the nurses.

"I know. Sorry." I really was. And I was glad she wasn't the type to get mad like the other nurses. She was really nice. Probably because she was young and didn't hate her life like  
the rest of them.

"That's okay. Dr. Jenks is ready to see you."

"Who's that?"

"One of our psychologists."

"Oh, I don't need to see a psychologist." I turned back around and closed my eyes again.

"Edward, you've seen what happens when people don't comply with what we say."

I let out a loud sigh and swung my legs over the side of the bed before sitting up. "Alright, alright. I know." I didn't need to get dragged down the hallway. I stood up to follow Leah  
out of the room, and bent over as soon as I was on my feet. I gagged once before throwing up all over the floor and stepping away. I looked up at Leah with my mouth hanging  
open. "Sorry. I didn't know I was going to…"

"That's okay, dear. I'll be right back."

She left for a few minutes and came back with a mop, bucket, and washcloth. I'd help her clean up, but whenever I try to help the nurses do something, they tell me to just sit down.

After she cleaned everything up, we walked through a bunch of hallways and down a flight of stairs to get to the psych wing. I looked at the hallways extending to my left and  
right…the same beige color everywhere I looked. I was sick of this place.

I heard someone running behind me and turned around when the footsteps got louder. I stumbled back as Aro grabbed my forearms and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Edward, tell them! Tell them that they're real!"

Leah began telling him to let go of me, but I waved her off as best I could.

"Aro, calm down. Tell them who's real?"

"Cat and Dog! Tell them they're real!"

I looked up to see two doctors running toward us, and looked down at Aro's frantic form again. I forced myself to keep calm. "Listen to me, Aro. Just do everything they say. Just do  
everything they say and you'll get out of here quicker, okay? They're just trying to help you."

The doctors grabbed him forcefully and dragged him away. I could see them struggling to keep him under their control as he thrashed around. His arms flailed out toward me and I had  
to remind myself not to go after him.

He looked from one doctor to the other. "Ask him! He knows they're real! He knows they're real! Edward, tell them! Please! Please! Please…" Aro's energy completely diminished as he  
gave up and let them lead him away.

I turned to Leah as we continued walking. "Ms. Clearwater…"

"Leah."

"Leah. Where are they taking him? And why did they have to take him like that?"

We turned another corner as she answered me in her innocent voice. "I don't know any specifics, but they don't use force unless they have to. And even if I _did_ know what was going  
on, I wouldn't be allowed to tell you." We stopped in front of the psychologist's door before Leah turned to me. "Edward, I really hope you don't believe that if you behave, you'll be let  
go earlier. This isn't like prison. You're going to be kept here until your treatment is done."

"Okay." My throat felt raspy as the single word crept its way out of my mouth.

She knocked on the door twice before opening it and motioning for me to walk in. Dr. Jenks looked up at me and smiled before gesturing to the couch. He got up from his desk and sat  
on the chair across the couch.

"So, Edward, how are you feeling today?"

I shrugged. "Okay."

"Good, good. How are the withdrawals going?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know." I thought they were over weeks ago.

He scribbled something in his notebook and he looked back up at me. I wish he would just keep looking down. "Do you still feel sick?"

"Sometimes, I guess."

He nodded slowly. "Sounds like you're right on track."

"Yeah." I already felt like telling him to shut the fuck up or something. What an annoying man. He didn't say anything for a few seconds, and I felt like I had to break the awkward  
silence. "I threw up today." What the hell? Why would you say that? That's disgusting. And he doesn't care.

He nodded again. "That's normal."

"Even after all this time?"

"Yupp." More silence. "Do you feel depressed at all?"

"No." He wrote some more things in his notebook. And then some more. "Well, I feel weird, like…I'm not happy…I guess I feel sad…but I wouldn't say I feel depressed. I don't even  
know why I feel sad, though." He was quiet again. Again with the awkward silence. I had to say something. I looked down at my hands and intertwined my fingers, twisting them this  
way and that. "How much longer am I gonna feel like this? I mean, throwing up and stuff."

"About another month." Good. I only have another month in this place anyway. And then I can go home. "Have you spoken to your parents?"

"Yeah. We write back and forth. But it takes forever for the letters to get from here to my house. Or from my house to here."

He let out a small laugh. "That's one of the only – and one of the biggest – complaints we have in this place."

So why don't they fucking do something about it? "Can I please go back to my room?"

"In a little bit, yes."

"Now?" He shook his head and I slumped back before sliding lower in my seat. "I thought people could leave whenever they wanted to."

"When they go to therapy willingly, yes. But not in a situation such as this, and not in a place like this."

Fuck places like this. I fucking hated this place. "Okay. Whatever. I'll stay." I can't make them mad. If I just follow everything they say, they'll release me earlier.

"How's everything with your family back home?"

"Good. Everything sounds like it's the same."

"What's 'the same'?"

"My parents are working, my sister's working, and my brother's in school."

"Sounds good."

"Exactly." He let out another small laugh. I didn't see the humor. Weren't they not supposed to laugh at things patients told them? Whatever. "But it's not perfect."

"Your life back home?"

"Yeah. It sounds good, but it's not perfect. And neither am I."

"Do you _want_ to be perfect?"

"No! Who would _want _to be perfect? All those expectations…it would be hard to live up to them."

"Do you feel as though people want you to be perfect?"

"Why did they take Aro away?"

"Edward, please."

"Please what?" I stared at the plant on his desk. It was dying. Why hadn't he watered it?

Dr. Jenks stayed quiet, and I began to wonder if he was doing it on purpose. "No, okay? Nobody wants me to be perfect. They just assume I am. They just think I'm this fucking  
perfect person that does nothing wrong."

"Have you told them that it bothers you?"

"I tell them I'm not perfect. It's not my fault that when I first played basketball or rode a bike or…walked…it was easy for me. I'm not gonna try to fail at things on purpose to prove  
a point. They should just know that I'm not perfect. Nobody is. And why don't people call Emmett or Alice perfect? They're good at a lot of shit, too." I folded my arms in front of my  
chest and stared at him hard.

Dr. Jenks spoke in an annoyingly calm voice. "I see. Do you feel like one of the reasons why you picked up the habit was so that you wouldn't be seen as perfect?"

"What? The coke? No." What the fuck? "I just did it because I wanted to try it."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, but this time, I wasn't going to speak first. I didn't care how awkward the silence got.

"I heard you can see Aro's friends."

"I can't."

"Oh?"

"I just tell him I can. So he won't feel bad. Everyone's on his case about the cat and dog. I don't understand why it's anybody's business. It's not like he's a threat to anyone. Anyway, I  
just pretend I can see them so he doesn't feel bad."

"That's nice of you."

"I can't see them." Just to make sure you understand that I don't have schizophrenia.

"I believe you." He jotted down some more notes before looking at me sympathetically. "Edward, I don't know how to say this in a nicer way, but you're going to be staying here  
for a little bit longer."

I shrugged. So what? "Okay. So…what…like thirty more minutes?"

"No. Edward, I mean in this facility."

I felt my face fall flat. "What facility?"

"Edward –"

"Stop saying my name."

"You're going to have to stay here for another month."

"I _am_ staying here for another month."

"No. _Another_ month."

I held up two fingers as my eyes got wide. "_Two_ more months?"

"Yes."

I shook my head and stood up. "No. Sorry. I'm not staying here for two more months."

"Edward, it's only for psychiatric reasons –"

"NO! I'm not crazy. And I didn't agree to stay here for four months! I agreed to stay for three."

He stood up, but didn't come any closer. "It's not an agreement, Edward."

I put my hands over my ears to block his voice out. "Stop fucking saying my name every two seconds!" I kicked the side table and heard the crash of the vase as it hit the  
floor, the table following right behind it. Dr. Jenks began explaining something to me but I paid him no mind.

I opened the door and ran out, trying to figure out which corner to turn to get to my room. I saw a nurse I recognized and ran up to her.

"Hi, Edward." She smiled sweetly, but I couldn't find it in myself to smile back.

"Take me to my room. Please. I'm in 6-L."

"Who escorted you out?"

"Leah. Please just take me to my room." I could see that she didn't want to take me, and I began to panic. Dr. Jenks could find me any second and make me go back to his office.

She let out a small sigh. "Follow me."

I relaxed a bit as I followed her. We walked up a set of stairs before walking through a maze of hallways. I covered my ears with my hands again to block out all the voices  
as everyone we passed by said hi to me. Everyone was staring. Probably because my hands are over my ears. I closed my eyes tightly, cracking them open occasionally to  
make sure the nurse was still in front of me.

I didn't remember turning this many corners with Leah. Where was she taking me?

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. "I can't –"

I drew in a long breath when I saw the familiar door. I forgot to thank the nurse before rushing into my room and closing the door behind me. I hope she doesn't tell on me because  
I forgot to thank her. I didn't do it on purpose.

I opened my eyes and went to sit in the small space between the bed and the side table. I stared into the darkness before drawing my legs up to my chest and wrapping my arms  
around my knees. I dropped my head and let the tears flow freely. There was no one to be embarrassed of.

This was a dream. I closed my eyes tightly and willed myself to go to sleep. The sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I'll wake up in my room, on my bed with her next to me. I took in  
a few shaky breaths before picking my head up. I lurched forward before throwing up, and sat back in my previous position.

I heard the door creak open and turned my head to the side, closing my eyes as tightly as I could.

"Edward?"

It was Leah.

I didn't move. I tried not to breathe, but I couldn't hold back the few sobs that escaped.

"What's that smell?" There was a short silence. "Oh, dear. Okay. I'll be right back."

I listened to her footsteps get farther as I brought a hand up to my hair and twirled a lock around my finger. It was soft. It was soft like her hair. I imagined my hand was  
hers. She was playing with my hair.

I flinched back and looked up when I felt someone touch me. "Edward, are you –"

"Please don't touch me."

"I was just wondering if you wanted –"

I kicked both feet out toward her and yelled as she jumped back. "Leave me alone! I don't want anything from you. I don't want anything from any of you. I don't want you. I want  
Bella! I want Bella. I hate you. I hate all of you. You took me away from Bella, and then you took me away from Aro!"

"Edward –"

"I. Want. _Bella!_" Did she not fucking understand that I didn't want her to be here? I waited for her to leave, but she didn't move an inch. "Why won't you just leave me alone?  
Huh?" I tried screaming louder, but nothing made her leave. I gave  
up and rested my head on my knees again.

She finally left, but didn't close the door like I hoped she would. Stupid fucking rules.

I scrambled up and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over my head. I took the pillow out from under my head and hugged it as I wrapped a lock of hair around my finger again.

I pulled her to my chest and kissed the top of her head. "I love you." I buried my face in her hair as the feel of her hand in my hair lulled me to sleep.

**

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**

Sorry this chapter was shorter than the others.

**Did you guys see the trailer for **_**Water for Elephants**_**? It's finally on TV. (:**

**Please review!**


	25. Chapter 24

**Okay, so we have two songs for this chapter. They're both recommendations.**

"**He Won't Go" by: Adele – Recommended by liasparks**

"**Turn Back the Time" by: Chase Coy – Recommended by fanfantanic396**

**Thanks for your recommendations!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**BPOV**

This month couldn't be going by any slower.

Just one more month. One more month and Edward will be back. I couldn't help but think that he'd be back by now if they hadn't kept him there for four months, but thinking about it  
only made my mood worse. At least now I could think his name and say it out loud without feeling weird pangs in my heart. That was good...right?

From what I read in his letters, other than the fact that he missed home, he didn't seem too sad about being there. For that, I was thankful. At least I knew he was okay. That  
makes me feel a little better.

I wonder what he's doing right now. He said they have a rec center there. I wonder if he's playing basketball or watching TV. Or maybe he's with Dr. Jenks. He seems to like that  
guy. I wonder what he looks like. I wonder what Leah looks like. I wonder what everyone there looks like.

I jumped when I heard my phone buzz by my bedroom window. I got up from my desk to see who it was.

A text message from a number I didn't know.

_From: 212-555-8370_

– **Hey I'm outside. Come down. –**

I stared at the number for a few seconds before answering.

_To: 212-555-8370_

– **Who is this? –**

I looked out my window and saw the back of his head. I sat down as quickly as I could, resting my back against the wall.

_From: 212-555-8370_

– **Haha ur funny. U have my number! It's Jacob. (: –**

What the hell was that smiley for? Did he think we were okay? After what he did to Edward, I think it was clear that I didn't want to talk to him. He knew I knew about the whole  
Jasper thing. My phone call to him that day should have been enough for him to figure it out. I looked back down at my phone when I received another message.

_From: 212-555-8370_

– **Are u coming? –**

Ugh. I stood up and put my phone on my desk before going downstairs. He needs to leave. _Now._

I opened the front door and walked out. He was standing in the walkway, and turned around to face me when he heard my footsteps approaching.

"What do you want, Jacob?"

I made sure to keep my distance, but he close the distance between us as he spoke. "I just wanted to see how you were. Where have you been?"

Was he fucking serious? "You need to go."

He looked genuinely confused. I had to hold myself back from yelling at him to go away. "Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'? Why do you think?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Is Edward really in rehab?"

I stood there, shocked. How could he just throw that out there like it was nothing? "Thanks to you, yeah."

"Thanks to _me_? How is it my fault?"

I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't want to talk about it.

"Bella, he's a grown man. He makes his own decisions. It's not like I forced him to do it." His voice was calm, and I couldn't bring myself to get mad at him the way I wanted to.

"You could've told him not to do it."

"Why would I? Think of it from my point of view. It's business, right? So why would I turn away a paying customer?" He took another step closer, and I could smell his cologne.

"For me…" I felt so selfish saying it. But I thought Jake might have cared enough to tell him not to do it. Now that I think of it…why would he care?

"Not everything is done to your liking."

"I – I know. But you kept this lie going for as long as he did." I tried to sound aggressive, but it was no use. His words hit me like a dagger, but I don't know why. I know the world  
doesn't revolve around me. But with Edward, it does. He makes most of his decisions for me and me alone.

"Wow. He has _really_ spoiled you, hasn't he?"

My brows furrowed. "I'm not spoiled." Am I?

Jacob held his hands up. "Whatever you say. Listen, I just wanted to say that I honestly didn't mean to hurt you that night. The night you passed out. I didn't mean for anything like  
that to happen. I'm sorry." He took another step forward. I could feel his breath on my face as he spoke. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that Edward was lying to you. He told me that  
he'd beat my ass if I told you, and you know how he gets when something makes him mad. I told him that it was wrong of him to keep lying to you, but he kept saying, 'I'm gonna tell  
her. I'm gonna tell her.' He had every intention of telling you, but I guess you found out before he had a chance tell you."

"He had a lot of chances. A _lot_," I said in as strong a voice as I could muster.

He said nothing. We stood in silence for a few minutes before he looked me up and down. "Did you lose weight?"

I shrugged, looking away.

"You look really skinny, Bella. And not in a good way."

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks."

"I'm being serious. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

He nodded. "Okay." I'm glad he didn't press the issue any further. "Do you need anything?"

Where did that come from? I shook my head. I didn't want him taking care of me. I wanted Edward. He and my dad were the only people I'd ever let take care of me.

I miss him. I miss him so much.

I closed my eyes as he bent down to kiss me. I opened my mouth to grant him entrance and melted in his embrace as his arms circled my waist. _I missed this so much._

I inched my hand slowly down to his chest and rested it on his crotch before palming him through his shorts. He pulled his head away to let out a small moan and my eyes snapped open.

That wasn't the moan I'd grown accustomed to.

I pulled my hand away in shock. The eyes staring back at me weren't the green eyes I'd expected.

"You're not…Edward." I forced myself to speak up, but I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't move.

I watched Jake wipe the corner of his mouth with his thumb. "Um…I know."

I was going to faint.

I cheated on him. I cheated on Edward. I cheated. On Edward. I'd never cheated on anyone in my life.

But I thought this was _him_! He was just here. I was kissing Edward. He was right in front of me, holding me in his arms.

"You're not Edward."

"Are you okay? You look like you're gonna faint. Do you wanna sit down or something?"

I shook my head slowly. "I just…no…I'm…" I couldn't think straight. What was I trying to say to him? He put a hand on my shoulder, and I immediately took a step back. "I can't cheat on him."

"But you just did."

I brought my hands up to my mouth and shook my head. "Why did you kiss me? Are you _insane_?"

"You kissed me back. It's not like I jumped on you. I leaned in slowly. You leaned up. It's not like we had sex or something. Don't freak out. We'll figure this out."

"Stop!" There was nothing to figure out. How could I have done this? I turned around and walked toward my house quickly.

"Where are you going?"

"Inside!" I slammed the door and ran upstairs, not knowing what to do with myself.

I lay down on my bed, pulling the covers over my head. I wanted to call up Edward. I need to tell him what happened. I wish he was right next to me right now, telling me it was okay  
and that he understood…telling me that we all make mistakes.

I couldn't stop the churning in my stomach.

I cheated on Edward with Jacob. I couldn't wrap my head around it. I'm such a horrible person.

I cheated. On _Edward_. And with _Jacob_.

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**Review, review, review please!**


	26. Chapter 25

**So…instead of studying for 2 exams and writing a paper, I finished this chapter today. (:**

**That smiley is for all of **_**you**_**, because come Monday, that's not what my face will look like when I have to hand in my paper for my Corrections class.**

**fanfantanic396 has recommended another song:**

"**You're Not Alone" by: Saosin**

**Thanks for the rec!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**BPOV**

I couldn't sit still. I scarfed down my bacon and eggs and forced myself to stop shaking my leg.

"You feeling okay, Bells?"

I looked up at my dad as he crossed his arms and leaned against the kitchen counter, smiling.

"Yeah. Great. Why?" I tried my best to speak through the food.

"Wanna slow down?" He laughed.

"No. Gotta go. Edward's coming today."

He let out a small laugh.

"What?" I smiled up at him.

He shrugged and shook his head. "Nothing. I'm just laughing at you."

"Dad!" I got up to wash my plate and fork and my jaw dropped at what he said.

"What? It's a good thing! It's good to see you happy again."

It was good to see him happy, too. I know it hurts him to see me sad, and the past four months have been rough on him, too.

I finished up with the dishes and went upstairs to get ready. I was going with Mr. Cullen to pick up Edward, and I wanted to look good.

I closed my bedroom door and turned on my laptop to listen to some music while I got ready. It was 11:00 AM. Edward would be released at 2:00, so I still had some time. When  
the screen loaded, I opened up iTunes and scrolled through the songs, not sure what to listen to.

I decided on "Mr. Jones" by Counting Crows and went to my closet. I stared at all the sweaters on the hangers and the shelves. I missed summer. I wonder if Edward spent time  
outside when the weather was nice. He said they had places to hang out and things to do outside, so I hope he took advantage of all the good weather while he was there.

Christmas was in two weeks, and I was glad I'd be able to spend it with Edward.

But then…what if he didn't want to spend Christmas together? What if he didn't want to be with me anymore after I told him what had happened with Jacob? I mean, I haven't told him  
yet – partly because I'm afraid to, but mainly because I didn't want to tell him in a letter. I want to tell him in person.

But I wasn't going to think about that right now. Noting could ruin my mood today. Even if the world was going to end, if I was with Edward before it ended, I'd be happy.

I grabbed a pair of dark-wash jeans, a black tank top, and a grey cardigan. I changed into a push-up bra before putting everything else on. I sat in front of my full-length mirror and  
straightened my hair before applying some Biosilk serum to it and washing my hands. I grabbed my makeup bag and sat back down in front of the mirror. I put on some eyeliner and  
a _lot_ of mascara. I brushed on a bit of blush on my cheeks before putting everything away. No need for foundation or concealer. I was lucky enough not to have any blemishes on my  
face, and either that stuff always feels like it's caked on, or I never apply it correctly. Whatever the reason, I rarely ever put any on.

I looked out my window and smiled. I wish the weather would be this amazing every day. Even though it was cold, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the sun was bright. I shut down my  
computer and put on my coat before grabbing my black Coach bag.

I went downstairs to find my dad examining his shotguns in the living room.

"Dad, I'm leaving."

He looked at his watch before looking up at me. "Already? It's only 12:00. I thought he was getting out at 2:00."

"He is. I just can't stay here anymore."

"Alright, Bells. See you later," he laughed.

"Bye!"

I walked quickly to the Cullens' house and rang the doorbell. I was so happy that I didn't know what to do with myself while I waited.

"Hi, Bella!"

"Hey, Alice," I replied with a big smile. I followed her inside and locked the door behind me.

"You want some cinnamon rolls?"

"Uh…yeah!" I sat down at the kitchen island and picked up a roll from the plate as I greeted Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

"We'll leave in an hour and get some Starbucks on the way."

"Sounds good to me. Are you coming with us, Alice?"

She shook her head and took a bite of her cinnamon roll. "I'm gonna help my mom clean up around the house."

Alice and I went up to her room after, and I felt bad for Emmett when I saw his closed door. He wouldn't be here when Edward came home because he was at school. He'd be here  
tomorrow for the weekend, though.

Alice was telling me something about her car, but I couldn't really focus on anything she was saying. An hour couldn't go by quick enough.

Finally, an hour later, Mr. Cullen knocked on Alice's door. "Bella, are you ready?"

"Yes!" I jumped up off Alice's bed and went to open her door. "Bye, Alice."

"Bye, Bella," she laughed.

As soon as we got into Starbucks, I couldn't wait to leave. I just wanted to go pick up Edward and go back home.

We got our drinks and got Edward a coffee before getting back on the road. My stomach was in knots the entire ride to the clinic, but I didn't know why. It's not as if I was going to  
meet him for the first time. I laughed at the thought.

"What?" Mr. Cullen turned to me.

"Nothing," I brushed off with a smile.

"Excited?"

"Like I can't even explain."

We finally got to the clinic. I put my bag in the backseat and grabbed my and Edward's drinks. I hopped out of the car as fast as possible and some of the coffee spilled onto the tray.

When we walked into the clinic, I almost cried. The memory of dropping him off four months ago was still so strong. I sat in the waiting area by the front desk as Mr. Cullen spoke to  
the receptionist. I turned to face the direction Edward had walked in when we dropped him off.

"Bella, they said it'll be a few minutes before he comes out. I'm going to go find some coffee. Do you want anything?"

"No, thank you." I was surprised that he'd finished his coffee so quickly. I wasn't even halfway through mine.

I couldn't drink anymore, though. I felt nauseous, and my stomach was doing flips.

I stared at the corner he had turned four months ago for what felt like an hour. I checked the clock on the wall. It had only been eleven minutes. I turned back toward the corner and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Where was Mr. Cullen? Did he get lost?

I finished my drink and ran my finger back and forth along the ridge of the bottom of the cup – something to keep me busy at least.

That's when I heard the voice I'd grown to love.

"Bells?" It was just above a whisper.

I turned around at the voice and gasped as I put my drink down. He dropped his duffle bag as I ran up to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck as he  
held my thighs to support me.

I pulled back to look at him and laughed through my tears. "Hi."

He beamed up at me as he looked into my eyes. "Hi." He brought a hand up to wipe my tears. "Hey, don't cry."

"I'm sorry. I'm just…I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

I hugged him again, tighter than before, with no intention of letting go. I breathed in his scent as he spoke. I missed his voice more than I'd realized.

"I love you so much, Bella. So much. Let me look at you, love. I've missed you."

He let go of my legs as I stepped down onto the ground. He held my face in his hands and I put my hands over his.

He leaned down to kiss me softly. I almost whimpered at the loss of contact when he pulled away. "You've lost so much weight."

I wanted to tell him that he'd lost weight as well, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. He had probably been through hell. Instead, I smiled sweetly up at him. "Look at your hair. It's  
gotten so long." It was almost down to his chin.

He shrugged, smiling his crooked boyish smile. "I've only had it cut once since I've been here."

I ran my hands through his locks as he rested his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh as he held my hips.

"Sorry, guys. This place is like a maze! I got lost a couple of times." I turned around as Edward looked up at his dad.

"Hey, dad." They hugged tightly for a few seconds before pulling back. "How was the drive?"

"It was good. No traffic, to my surprise."

Edward smiled at him brightly. "Yeah? That's good."

I grabbed Edward's bag and hauled it over to the seats where his coffee was. I bent down to get his drink and looked back when I felt a hand on the small of my back. "I got it, baby."  
He took the bag and slung it over his shoulder before taking my hand in his.

I held the cup out to him. "This is for you. It's probably cold by now, though."

"That's fine. Thank you." He took it out of my hand and took a big gulp as the three of us walked outside. "God, this tastes amazing."

I let out a small laugh. "It's coffee."

"After four months of no coffee, it tastes like a million dollars."

I scrunched up my face. "I don't think a million dollars would taste good."

He bumped into me playfully. "You know what I mean."

He shivered as we got into the car. "Sorry. I should have brought you a coat." It bothered me that they didn't give him anything to keep him warm, especially since all of his clothes  
were summer clothes. All he had on was a red t-shirt and jeans.

"It's okay. You can keep me warm." He pulled me to him as he leaned against the door.

I looked at his cup of coffee in the cup holder before looking up at him. "So, no coffee for four months?"

"Nope. Nothing with caffeine. For a few weeks I couldn't have anything solid either."

My heart dropped. "Really?"

"Yeah. To 'cleanse my system' or whatever. During detox."

"Aw, I'm sorry, baby."

He shrugged it off. "It's alright. It's over." He rubbed at my cheeks with his fingertips, and I put my hands on his wrists.

"Edward, stop. I have blush on."

"I know. I'm trying to get it off."

"Why?"

"Because it's nothing compared to your natural blush."

And at that, I blushed. I'm guessing he saw it because he stopped rubbing and smiled down at me. I buried my face in his shirt and breathed in, getting lost in his heavenly scent.

I pulled back after a few minutes and leaned into his side again. "Did you get used to staying there?"

"I guess. It's hard to get around, though. I got lost a lot."

His dad looked at us from the rearview mirror. "You can say that again."

Edward and I both laughed at his remark, but it bothered me that his smile didn't reach his eyes. I looked up at him and poked his side. "I thought maybe you'd like it there so much that  
you wouldn't want to come back."

He pulled me closer to his side. "Never."

He didn't try to keep the conversation going, so I stopped talking about it. He was probably tired.

When we got home, Edward's mom began crying immediately and nearly leapt onto him. Edward hugged her and rubbed her back. "Aw, mom, come on. Don't cry. Please."

Alice and my dad, on the other hand, were all smiles.

Edward turned to his mom. "Where's Em?"

"He's coming home for the weekend tomorrow. He couldn't make it in today."

We all sat down in the living room as Mrs. Cullen went into the kitchen to start making dinner. Everyone began Edward questions, but I kept quiet. I didn't want to bombard him with  
questions that he would probably have to answers hundreds of times in the next few months. We'd talk later, when we were alone.

After a few minutes, Edward said he was tired and didn't really feel like talking anymore, so we all watched TV. I was sitting next to him, and it took all my willpower not to sit on his  
lap. I wanted to be as close to him as possible, but I didn't want to sit on his lap in front of our fathers.

Instead, I watched him while he watched TV. His jaw and cheekbones were jutting out more than usual, obviously from his weight loss. I wonder if he knows how different he looks.  
I couldn't believe how much he had changed on the outside.

But it didn't matter. Yeah, he looked different, but he was the same Edward on the inside. Just…quieter. He didn't talk much, but again, it was clear that he was tired.

His eyes drooped with every minute that passed. I don't know if he realized that I was watching him, but if he did, he didn't make it obvious.

We were called to the kitchen when dinner was ready. I looked at the dark sky outside. I was shocked at how fast time had passed.

Everyone went into the kitchen as I turned toward Edward's sleeping form on the couch. I rubbed his arm and spoke softly. "Edward."

"Hmm?" He kept his eyes closed.

"Wake up. It's dinnertime."

No response. I tried again.

I ran a hand through his hair and tucked stray pieces behind his ear. "Baby…"

"Hmm?"

"Come on. Let's eat. I think your mom made pasta. Smells delicious, doesn't it?"

"Mhm."

"Let's go."

He cracked open an eye and looked at me. "I don't wanna eat." He pulled me closer to him and closed his eye. "Just lay here with me."

"Babe, you have to eat something. We'll go upstairs later and go to sleep. And your family wants to be with you."

He opened his eyes at my last comment and held my hand before slowly getting up and pulling me along with him.

Mrs. Cullen had made an entire feast – pasta, lasagna, mashed potatoes, salad, steak, and cheesy bread knots. She lightly chided Edward as he ate everything, only because he was  
shoving everything in his mouth and barely chewing before swallowing. He apologized, and we understood – the food they served him at the clinic was nothing compared to a home-cooked meal.

After we were done, we sat and talked some more, mainly about what had been going on in New York while Edward was gone. He asked a lot of questions, and we had a few good laughs.

When my dad got up to leave, it felt weird to know that he was going home while I stayed here. There was no way I was going to go home, though – unless Edward could sleep  
over, which my dad _still_ didn't approve of.

Edward and I said our good nights to everyone as we walked up the stairs slowly.

When Edward opened the door to his room, I felt my heart ache again. I couldn't imagine being away from home for four months, with no family or friends, at a rehab center.

He let out a sigh as he collapsed onto his back on his bed.

I turned on his bedside lamp and lay down next to him.

He turned to face me and extended an arm out toward the headboard and rested his cheek on it.

"I missed my room."

I brought a hand up to stroke his cheek. "I know, baby."

I leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss before pulling back. "You know, Max missed you, too. He always asked about you, every time he saw me."

He let out a small laugh and I smiled as the corners of his eyes crinkled. "What did he ask?"

"The same thing every time. Where you were and when you were coming back. I just told him you had to go away for a little while."

His face turned serious, and his eyes seemed to be getting heavy again. "Can I ask you something?" He put a hand on my hip and pushed my shirt up to trace over my tattoo.

I shuddered at the contact. "Of course. Anything."

"Do a lot of people know?"

I reluctantly nodded. I didn't want him to feel bad about it. People loved gossip, no matter who it was about. What made people talk about it even more was that this was about  
the almighty Edward Cullen. "I didn't want to tell you about it in a letter, but yes. People know." I felt my own eyes getting heavy as he continued caressing my side.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"You must get so embarrassed. And my family. They must hear it from everywhere, as if they need to be reminded."

"No one's embarrassed of you."

"I am."

"Don't be."

He closed his eyes slowly, but I knew he wasn't sleeping.

"Look at me." He opened his eyes, and the pain in his eyes was enough to make me want to cry. "Don't be." I leaned in and gave him another kiss before pulling back.

I couldn't get over how much I missed him. His scent, his voice, his touch, his eyes. Everything.

He leaned in and stole another kiss…then another…and another.

He pushed my shirt the rest of the way up and pulled it over my head. He kissed the swell of each breast before taking off my bra and suckling on each nipple. I almost lost it then and there.

He pulled back and stared at my body before looking into my eyes. "Beautiful." He lowered his head to my neck and nipped at it lightly, eliciting a moan from my lips.

"Edward…love, look at me for a second." He pulled back and looked at me, and I felt bad when I saw how heavy his eyelids had gotten. "Are you sure you want to do this right now?"

He nodded. "Why? Do you not want to?"

"I do. But you look so tired. This is going to wear you out even more."

He shook his head. "I'm fine. Bella, I've been waiting for this for four months."

All I did was nod. Because to be honest, so have I.

He took off his t-shirt and lowered his head again, this time sucking and biting my neck with more pressure. I tried hard to contain my moans and whimpers, but it was difficult – almost  
impossible. My hands automatically went up to his hair, and like that, we were back where we were supposed to be. I couldn't count the number of times we were in this exact  
same position, and I hope that number never ends.

There was nothing I wanted more than for Edward to take me right now.

He ground his hips into mine frantically, making us both moan and whimper with want.

He took off the rest of his clothing before sliding my jeans and panties down my legs in one motion. I kicked off as he planted kisses up my body.

He was already leaking onto my thigh, and I felt myself get wetter when his cock twitched against my skin.

I looked down and almost gasped at how red his cock was. He was nuzzling my neck, alternating between kissing the skin there and kissing my lips.

"Bella, are you still…are you still on the pill?"

"Yeah."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes…please…" I couldn't take it anymore.

I waited for him to enter me instead of guiding him in myself. He looked like he was in pain, and I didn't want to make matters any worse.

He took hold of his cock and nudged my entrance with the head before sliding it up and down my slit.

"Edward, please…no teasing…"

He entered me slowly, and I felt the coil in my stomach wind tighter with each thrust.

I felt Edward's cock twitch inside me, and he stilled his movements completely. He was looking at the wall behind his bed, deep in concentration.

Squeezed his arm and questioned him with my eyes when he looked down at me.

"I'm not gonna…last," he panted out.

"That's okay." He shook his head desperately as he closed his eyes and continued pushing in and out slowly. I cradled his face in my hands and brought his forehead down to  
mine. "Edward, look at me." I waited for him to open his eyes before I continued. "I understand. It's okay. Let go."

He stopped again. He was torturing himself for no reason. I didn't expect him to last forever and ever. He hadn't had any type of release in four months.

He brought a hand down between us and began rubbing circles over my clit. I let out a strangled cry, and thrust my hips up to help him along.

He began thrusting again, kissing me fervently to help stifle our moans.

He pulled back and grunted as his thrusts became sporadic. "Bella– I ca– I can't–"

"It's okay." I pulled his head down next to mine and whispered in his ear. "Come for me, Edward."

His body went still as his cock jerked against my inner walls. "Oh, fu– ungh…_Bella_!"

He pulled out of me slowly and lay down on his side panting. "I'm sorry. I tried to –"

I silenced him with a finger on his lips. "No apologies."

"You're the best."

"So are you."

"No, really. You _are_ the best person. In the universe. Thank you."

I didn't say anything in response. Instead, I pulled him on top of me and wrapped my arms around him. I didn't get my release, but right now, I didn't care. The moment was gone  
and he was the only thing I wanted anyway.

Sometime later, I felt a pressure against my thigh. I had an idea of what it was, but we'd been silent for so long that I didn't want to disturb the peace.

"Bella, again." To make sure I knew what he was talking about, he ground his hips into mine.

I decided to play with him a little bit, just to tease him like old times. "I don't know, Edward…I don't really want to."

I saw the features of his face falter a bit, but he composed himself quickly. "Okay. That's fine."

I was shocked that he didn't push it. "Edward, I'm kidding. I'd love to."

He smiled his crooked smile and my heart melted. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Just game a sec."

He moved so I could get up, and I threw on his shirt and boxers before walking toward the door. "When have I ever not been in the mood?"

He laughed and shrugged. "There's a first time for everything."

"I'll be right back. Don't move." I pointed a finger at him before closing the door behind me and tiptoeing through the hallway and down the stairs into the kitchen. Everyone  
was asleep, and I squinted when I turned on the kitchen light. I dimmed the lights and quickly went over to the fridge. I grabbed the can of whipped cream and squeezed  
some in my mouth before going back upstairs. A floorboard creaked as I walked toward Edward's room and I stopped to make sure no one heard it. I ran into Edward's room  
quickly and closed the door behind me.

He was exactly in the same position I had left him, his upper body supported by his elbows and his legs extended toward me. He jumped when I opened his door, and I  
couldn't help but laugh.

"You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry." I walked over to him with the can in hand, and he cocked an eyebrow at me as I shook the can.

I squeezed some onto his cock, and he hissed loudly. "Ah…! That's fucking cold!"

"Yupp. It was in the fridge." I nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And no screaming. Everyone's sleeping." It felt good to hear him raise his voice. That was  
the loudest he'd been today. Not only did he keep quiet most of the day, but when he spoke, his voice was almost always above a whisper.

"Well, I'm sorry. I'm trying to prevent my dick from having frostbite."

I laughed as I looked at his crotch. "Edward, it's already melting. You're just _too hot_."

He snorted at the corny joke as I put some more whipped cream on him. I was glad the mood had changed. I felt my heart ache the entire time before, because he looked so  
pained. Now, he looked carefree, the way I was used to seeing him – most of the time.

I bent down and licked him clean, making sure to get every bit of whipped cream off of him, while Edward was busy making sure he didn't wake up the entire city.

I stood up after all the whipped cream was gone, much to Edward's disappointment. "Bel_laaaaa_!" He pouted, and I threw my head back in laughter.

"Edward Cullen, stop trying to use my own weapon against me." I lay down on my back and instructed him to sit on top of me.

"You want me on top?"

"I want you _here_." I pointed at my chest and he looked at me with a confused expression. "Sit on my chest."

His face changed completely when he realized what I was implying. He got up and straddled my chest, his hard cock nestled between my breasts. I grabbed the can of whipped  
cream and put some on his cock and my between my breasts. I pushed the two mounds together as Edward began thrusting in and out of the makeshift tunnel.

I stuck my tongue out, making sure to lick the head of his cock each time it passed through.

The taste of him mixed with the whipped cream was amazing. I couldn't help but moan, which made him moan even louder.

"Fuck, Bella. Do you have…any…any idea how sexy…you look like this?"

He moved down my body and entered me slowly as I sat up. Our bodies intertwined with one another, arms and legs everywhere as we were both thrusting uncontrollably.

Edward brought a hand down between us and rubbed me again, drawing out a string of profanities from my mouth. I watched as his eyes became almost black.

"Harder, Edward…Oh, God…Fffffff…fuck!"

"Ughhh…Bella…Right there…Right there! Come with me."

I couldn't hold on any longer. I felt the tight coil in my stomach release as I climaxed around him. His body jerked with his own release and he stayed inside me for a couple of  
minutes before pulling out.

We lay next to each other, still panting, too spent to move.

Edward lolled his head toward me, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing at the mess his hair had become.

"Bells."

"Yeah."

"We need a shower."

"Yeah."

I looked at the white cream that had smeared onto his chest from mine, and pulled him up as I stood. We tried to be quiet enough that no one would wake up, but we had no  
way of making the water quiet.

We showered quickly and crawled back into bed, not bothering to put on any clothes. The house was warm and toasty, and I curled up against Edward's warm body as he pulled  
the covers over us. His muscles were almost all completely gone, but I still wouldn't complain about his body. He still looked built, just less bulky. I grinned up at him and was met  
with his brooding eyes and warm smile.

"It's snowing."

I turned my head to look out the window. "It's beautiful."

"It's nothing compared to your beauty."

My heart soared at his words, then came crashing down when I thought about what had happened with Jacob. I had to tell Edward tomorrow. I couldn't put it off anymore.

Ugh! I quickly pushed that thought to the back of my head and laid my head on Edward's chest. "Thank you."

He kissed the top of my head and pulled me in closer. "Thank _you_. For everything. Good night, love." He brought a hand up to his head and twirled a lock of hair around his finger  
as he closed his eyes.

"Good night. I love you."

* * *

**Are you guys as surprised as I am that 'tiptoeing' is an actual word? Oh, new acronyms got added into the Oxford English Dictionary. (LOL, OMG, IMHO) Those are three I read about. I don't know if there are any more. I find it weird that those are in the dictionary, though.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked the chapter! I love writing sappy chapters. (:**

**Please review!**


	27. Chapter 26

**Wow. The reviews on the last chapter were amazingggg.**

**Thanks!**

**And many thanks to fanfantanic396 for her song recommendations.**  
**For this chapter, she recommended:**

**"Goodbye" by: Kesha, "Feels Like Rain" by: Kesha, and "Alone In This Bed" by: Framing Hanley**

**I don't like Kesha, but I was shocked as to how good her voice was in these songs. And the only song I had by Framing Hanley before this was the cover to Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop," so I'm glad she sent me this one. :)**

**I hope you guys like this chapter!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**EPOV**

I woke up in the middle of the night, shivering from…lack of covers. I looked over at Bella, who was wrapped up in the covers, sound asleep.

"Bells…" I whispered, not wanting to be too loud. I just wanted some of the covers back. "Bella!" I whispered a little louder, but still, no answer. I got up and threw on a pair of boxers before  
going downstairs to get some water. I'll just take the covers from the other bed when I get back.

I turned on the kitchen lights and squinted against the bright lights before dimming them. I got some water and sat at the island, thinking some things through. I looked around the kitchen,  
into the foyer, and into the living room. I never realized how much I loved this house. I felt guilty thinking that it took me being in rehab for four months to realize how much I loved this place.  
I shuddered at the thought of going back to that place. Never again.

I let out a yawn and downed the rest of the water and put the glass in the sink before getting up to go back to bed. This wasn't the time to think things through. I was too tired.

I locked my door as soon as I got in my room. Bella would die of embarrassment if anyone walked in and saw her naked. I turned to look at her and took in her naked form – her back a silvery  
white from the glow of the moon, her body moving subtly with each breath she took. She was stunning. I wish she would let me look at her this way when she wasn't sleeping. I wish she  
wouldn't be self-conscious whenever I stared at her, but even that – even being self-conscious – made her adorable.

She was lying down on her side, hugging my pillow to her chest. I walked over to the bed and picked the covers up from the floor. The only problem now was that there was no room for me  
on the bed. I let out a small sigh. There was barely enough room on the bed for Bella and me.

Bella, me, _and_ a pillow? No chance. Not unless the pillows were under our heads.

I pulled gently at the pillow, only to have her clutch it tighter.

"Edward…" she mumbled and buried her face into the pillow.

"Bella, I'm right here. Let me have my pillow." I made sure to keep my voice low and tugged at the pillow a little harder.

"Don't go…" She pulled the pillow tighter into her chest, and mumbled something else I didn't understand.

"Bells, that's not me. I'm not going anywhere." I tried pulling the pillow away a few more times and gave up. She wasn't letting go. I draped the covers over her and went sleep in the other bed.

Stupid bed. There wasn't even a pillow on it because both pillows were with Bella.

I told myself to shut up and be thankful it wasn't like the bed at the clinic. I crawled under the covers and tried to go to sleep, with no avail. I tossed and turned for a while, finally laying  
down on my stomach and turning my head toward the closet. I rested my head on my arms and closed my eyes, forcing myself to sleep.

I don't know how long I laid there that way, but I opened my eyes when I heard Bella gasp.

"Edward?" She sounded frantic, and I turned my head to see her sitting on the bed, looking around the room.

"Right here, baby."

She rubbed her eyes before grabbing the pillows and coming over to the bed. She put one pillow under my head before lying down behind me and wrapping her arm around me. I reveled  
in the feel of her warm body against mine. I wish I had told her to stay on my bed and went next to her instead, but I didn't mind sleeping here – as uncomfortable as this freaking bed  
was – if she was here with me.

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of food and the familiar voices of my family talking downstairs. I checked the time. 10:17. Bella was gone, and I waited to hear her voice before  
turning over and going back to sleep.

When I woke up a second time, the smell of food was gone, and the voices had changed. I checked the time. 11:34. I prayed to God we didn't have visitors as I stood up and went to the bathroom.

I walked halfway down the stairs and held the handrail for leverage as I crouched down to see if anyone was here. Just my dad watching TV. The voices were coming from the TV, and I  
walked the rest of the way down, relieved. I went over to the window and pushed the curtain to the side to look at the sheet of white that covered everything outside.

"Good morning, dad."

"Good morning. There's French toast in the kitchen." He smiled up at me before turning back to the TV.

I walked into the kitchen and was shocked to see my bother there. I didn't know he was coming this early. He was leaning against the sink, eating something as the girls were talking  
amongst themselves by the island.

"Hey!" I couldn't help but laugh as his eyes went wide and food sputtered out of his mouth. We hugged before he pulled back to look at me. "So? How was it?"

I rolled my eyes and let out a small laugh. "The time of my life."

"Any hot chicks?"

I grabbed a plate before taking a slice of French toast and leaning against the sink next to Emmett. "Yeah. All of them. Smoking hot."

"Hey! I'm right here!"

I let out a small laugh at Bella's reaction. "I'm just kidding, babe."

"You better be," she joked before turning back to my mom and sister.

Emmett leaned in toward me and spoke in a hushed voice. "Seriously, though. Were there any hot girls?"

I rolled my eyes again and took a step away from him. "I don't know. I wasn't paying attention to the girls." I was too busy going through withdrawals and feeling like I was slowly dying.

I was full after the first two slices of French toast, but I ate two more. They were _so_ good. I turned to wash my hands and caught Alice's eye when I turned back. I cocked an eyebrow at  
her when she looked away and laughed. She mumbled something to Bella, who looked at me before laughing as well. What the hell?

"What?"

Alice looked at me again, pointing to my head. "Your hair."

I ran my hands through my hair, wincing in pain when my fingers got caught in the knots. I gave up and pulled my hands away. Whatever.

Everyone went into the living room, leaving Bella and me alone. She put the leftover food in the fridge and hoisted herself up on the counter next to the sink. I went to stand between  
her legs and placed my hands on her hips. I noted her hipbones jutting out more than usual, but again, I didn't say anything.

It would take me a while to get used to her weight loss, but I hoped she would gain weight before I had the chance to get used to her being this way. I didn't like seeing her this way. I never  
liked any of my girlfriends to be this skinny, but it really killed me to see Bella like this – practically all skin and bones.

I cradled her cheek in my hand and swiped my thumb over her bottom lip before leaning in to kiss her softly. I felt my heart pounding in my chest, just as it had the first time I'd kissed  
her on my bed. God, I was so nervous that day – like I was twelve years old again, kissing a girl for the first time.

I smiled against Bella's lips and let out a small laugh.

She pulled back to look at me. "What?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking about our first kiss."

She looked confused. "That wasn't a funny day. That was the day after…you carried me home. And I'm still sorry I pushed you away when you kissed me that day. You just took me by surprise."

"It's okay. It's in the past. And it's no big deal."

She still looked sad, but I didn't understand why something small from such a long time ago bothered her. "No."

"Bella, I'm serious. It's okay."

"No. Edward, I have to tell you something."

"Okay. Tell me." She shook her head. Huh? "Bells, tell me."

"I'll tell you later."

"Bella, if something's bothering you, please tell me."

"I'll just tell you later. It'll be better if I tell you later."

O…kay? "Alright, but you're gonna tell me."

"I know. I will."

What could be bothering her so much about that night? I wanted her to tell me, but as long as she would tell me later, it was fine. Should I change the subject? She looks so  
sad. "So…I know it wasn't funny, but I was so nervous. Thinking back to it, it seems so silly."

"You're silly."

I nuzzled her neck before kissing the spot behind her ear. "_You're_ silly."

She giggled before letting out a soft sigh. "You're adorable."

I laid my head on her shoulder for a few minutes before pulling back and running a hand through her hair. "I can't explain to you how much I missed you."

"I know. I missed you too." She ran her hands over my bare chest, making me shiver. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Always?"

"Always."

She gave me a once over as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "You're not cold?"

I shook my head. "No. My feet are, though."

"What are you doing today?"

I shrugged. "Nothing. Getting my hair cut, I guess."

"Don't get it cut yet." She ran her hands through my hair and eased out all the knots.

I raised a brow and smirked down at her. "Says the girl who was laughing at my hair."

I watched as a blush crept up on her cheeks, and just like that, her head dropped down – and just like that, I held her chin in my hand and tilted her head up.

She smiled slyly. "I'm sorry! But Alice said you looked like Medusa and I couldn't help it."

"Medusa? So why haven't you turned to stone yet?"

"Because your hair was so unkempt that it kept getting in the way of your gaze."

"Ohhh! Look at you with your jokes and big SAT words!"

"Yupp."

"Apologize."

"Nope." She popped the 'p' at the end of the word and crossed her arms.

I threw my head back in mock laughter before looking at her with a straight face. "Oh, you're gonna get it."

My fingers danced at her sides before I tickled her repeatedly, making her she shriek. She began to laugh, begging me to stop. I stepped in closer to make sure she wouldn't fall off the  
counter, but I didn't let up my tickling. "Say you're sorry."

"Never!" She tried to push my hands away, but I continued. I brought my hands under her shirt to tickle her without any barriers. "Edward!...Stop!"

"Say you're sorry."

"No!"

"Okay. Your call." I continued my tickling. I know she'd give up eventually.

"Okay! Okay, I'm sorry!"

I stopped tickling her and rested my hands on her hips under her shirt. "So…why don't you want me to get my hair cut?" I knew the reason why, but I wanted to hear her say it.

She shrugged. "Because."

"Why?"

"Because I wanna try it out."

Um…what? "Huh?" I thought she was just going to say she likes it.

"I want –" she tugged hard on my hair, drawing out an involuntary groan from me "– to try it out."

Then, it dawned on me. I knew what she wanted. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Give me a sec."

I ran upstairs and threw on a hoodie and sweatpants, grabbing Bella's coat and keys before running back into the kitchen. Bella was still sitting on the counter, talking to Alice.

I walked over to them and held Bella's hand, pulling her off the counter and putting her coat on her. "Come on." I cut Alice off, but I didn't care at the moment. She was blabbering about  
someone sleeping with someone else, blah blah blah. I was already worked up, and all I cared about was giving Bella what she wanted – and what I needed.

"Edward, we're talking."

I turned to Alice. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. We'll be back soon. You can talk then." She questioned Bella with her eyes, to which Bella just shrugged.

I pulled Bella through the living room, through the foyer, and up to the front door, only stopping when I heard my mom's voice coming from the living room. "Where are you kids off to in such a hurry?"

Uh…Think quickly, Edward. "Bella has to show me something!"

Bella tugged my hand to get my attention. "_What_?"

I looked down at her pleadingly and brought a finger up to my lips. "Shhh."

"Alright. Be back in time for dinner."

"Okay, we will be. Bye."

I shoved my feet in my sneakers before stepping out and closing the door quickly behind us.

"Edward, where are we going?"

"Is your dad home?"

"No."

"Then we're going to your house."

"I don't have my key."

"I got it."

I cursed under my breath when some snow got into my shoe. My bare feet were stinging from the cold, but I'd be in a heated home soon.

"Why are we going to my house?"

"So you can try it out."

"Try what out?"

"My hair."

"Now?"

"I have to get my hair cut today, because I'm going into work tomorrow and I can't go with my hair looking like this."

"They're already making you work? But you just got back."

"Yeah, but I can't complain. I'm lucky I didn't get fired."

We finally got to her house, rushing inside and running upstairs.

I locked her bedroom door as soon as we got inside, and thanked God she was taking her clothes off as hurriedly as I was.

I picked her up and held her against the wall as she wrapped her legs around my waist. I felt her juices against my stomach as she ground against me. She was dripping wet, ready  
for me, and I couldn't be happier about it. I wouldn't have made it through foreplay.

I lowered her a little bit and grabbed my cock, rubbing up and down her slit a few times before thrusting in. We moaned in unison, grinding against each other in earnest.

"Oh, fuck….Edward…fuck…"

I couldn't help the series of moans that spilled from my mouth. The way she was pushing against me, meeting each of my thrusts with her own, the way she cursed, the way she pulled my hair.

"_Ughhh_…shit…you feel so fucking…_good_…Bella…" A growl erupted from my mouth, and Bella leaned forward to bite my bottom lip.

She was so tight…always so tight. She felt fucking amazing.

I felt her clench around my cock and her thrusts became erratic. I put one hand on the wall next to her head and held her up with the other as my own thrusts became more frantic.

She pulled my hair even harder, wrapping whatever she could around her fingers. She tangled her hands in my hair, scratched my scalp, and pulled even harder.

I felt myself twitch against her inner walls and dropped my head down, resting it against the crook of her neck. I breathed in her scent and pushed into her a few more times, my hips  
jerking on their own accord.

I grunted with each thrust and felt the heat spread through my body as I finally spilled into her. She gasped before letting out a long moan and reaching her own climax.

We collapsed onto the floor, panting, our legs were entangled as Bella leaned against the wall and I laid my forehead on her shoulder.

I slid down her body after we had a few minutes to come down from our high.

I licked each of her breasts and kissed down her stomach. I licked around her belly button before placing a kiss on her glistening lips. She was still so wet, still ready.

I lapped at her juices, moaning at the sweet taste. She moaned above me, intertwining her hands in my hair again.

"Baby…Edward…don't stop…"

I flicked her clit with the tip of my tongue before drawing circles around it. She writhed in my face, encouraging me even more. I darted my tongue inside her, noting that she tasted  
different. Did I taste myself mixed with her fluids?

Even still, she tasted delicious.

I pulled back and averted my eyes up to look at her. She looked absolutely beautiful with her hair spilling over her shoulders and her cheeks stained with her blush.

I brought my head back down and her hands automatically went to the back of my head again. I alternated between nibbling on her clit and licking up and down her slit.

She let out a long sigh, which turned into a long moan. I put my hand on her stomach and rubbed her skin in circles as her stomach clenched.

"Edward…I'm…_ungh_…I'm…"

She came on my tongue, and I eagerly drank everything she had to offer.

I sat up, hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek.

"Thank you."

"It was my pleasure." It honestly was. I could pleasure her for the rest of my life and be happy about it.

"I love you." She kissed my forehead.

"I love you, too."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Bella spoke up. "I love that you still wear your watch, even when you're completely naked."

I let out a small laugh. "I always wear it."

"I know." She smiled at me and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. "We should get back. You guys have company coming over tonight."

I made a face and groaned. "Why? Who?"

"Jasper, Rosalie, and their parents. And they're coming because they want to see you."

"Well, I don't wanna see anyone."

"Edward!"

"What?"

"They're coming just for you."

I shrugged. I didn't care. I didn't want to see anyone.

"Why don't you want to see anyone?"

"I don't know. I just don't."

"Are you embarrassed?"

"No." Honestly, I wasn't. I just didn't want to be around people.

"Then why?"

I shrugged again. "I seriously don't know."

"Is it something that happened at the clinic?"

"No. Why would it be?"

"Because you weren't like this before."

"_So_? People change." I saw a hurt look flash across her features and regretted the tone of voice I was speaking in. "I'm sorry."

She didn't say anything in response. She just pulled me closer and laid her head against my chest. I didn't want to tell her anything specific that had happened at the clinic, only  
because I didn't want to be a burden with my depressing stories.

But I knew she'd want me to tell her, and I guess I could tell her something small. Something that wasn't really about me, but at the same time, affected me.

"You know why they took him away?"

"Who?"

"They took him to the basement. She said it was because he tried to kill himself."

"Who tried to kill himself?"

"We're not allowed to close our doors there. But he did. He closed his door, and a nurse opened his door to remind him he had to keep it open. And he was already hanging from the  
rope, convulsing. She saved him, though." She saved him, so it's okay. He didn't die. "And you know why he tried to hang himself?" I don't know if Bella asked why or if I imagined it, but  
I continued anyway. "Because he said that a voice told him that if he didn't take his own life, then Cat and Dog would die. And he didn't want them to die. He loved them." I realized I was  
crying when I felt Bella wiping away my tears. "He loved them as much as I love you." He was willing to give his life up for them, just like I would do for Bella. In a heartbeat. "But they're  
not real. They're not real, but you are." No, that was wrong. "No, I mean…no. They're real to him, just as you're real to me. But you're real to other people, too. Everyone there says he's  
crazy because he can see and hear things that no one else can. I wish I knew what Cat and Dog looked like. But I couldn't ask him what they looked like, because he thought I could see  
them, too. I couldn't ask anyone else because no one knew what they looked like."

She took my hands in hers and squeezed them lovingly as I continued. "And then when he asked me to help him – I mean, he _begged_ me to help him – because he thought I could see  
them…I couldn't help him. Because I lied to him from the very beginning. I pretended I could see them. I wish more than anything that I could make them real. I wish they were real. Then  
he wouldn't still be in that hell hole, and they wouldn't be tying him down to control him. And then he would just have to deal with the heroin problem, not both problems at the same time.  
And maybe we would have left that place at the same time and then you could meet him and we could all hang out." But he's still in there. I didn't even get to say bye to him. I never saw  
him after that day they took him down to the basement, but I hope he knows that I waited for him to come back up every day. "Does it make me selfish that sometimes wish I could be the  
only one to see you so I don't have to share you with anyone?"

"Edward."

I didn't even realize I was talking to my crotch until Bella said my name. I picked my head up to look at her. "Yeah."

She hugged me tightly, wrapping her arms around my neck. "No, baby. It doesn't make you selfish. And I'm sure he's okay now, Edward. Sometimes people have to lie to make others  
feel better. Don't hold yourself responsible. If it was easy to help him, he wouldn't have been there."

"I wanted to help him, Bells. So badly. But I couldn't."

"Just like I couldn't help you."

My heart plunged into my stomach. "That wasn't your fault."

"And this isn't yours."

We sat in silence for a few more minutes.

"Bella, I'm scared."

"Of what? The worst is over."

No, it isn't. "They said the relapse rate is always high. But I don't wanna relapse. I don't wanna see that look on your face or my family's face again. I don't wanna go back there."

"You're not going to relapse. We're just gonna take it one day at a time."

"But they said even if it doesn't happen now, it can happen in five or ten years."

"I promise you I won't let it happen." I don't know why, but I believed her. As much as I knew she couldn't control it, I believed her. "Do you wanna head back before they start worrying?"

"Yeah." I nodded and wiped my nose before standing up and pulling her up with me.

We got dressed and headed back to my house, walking slowly along the sidewalk.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder. "Bells."

"Yeah, baby."

"Please don't tell anyone." She squeezed my arm reassuringly, and I kissed her cheek, silently thanking her for everything. "So did you talk to anyone about your mom?"

Maybe if I brought it up nonchalantly, she wouldn't mind talking about it.

"No. Well, I spoke to my dad, but that's it."

"Did it help?"

"I don't know. I still miss her."

"We can share my mom."

She would always miss her mom, and it killed me to know that was something I couldn't change.

She turned her head the side and brushed her lips against mine before kissing me slowly. I stopped walking and held her close to my body. She pulled away after a few seconds and  
brushed her lips against mine again. I leaned in, only to have her pull her head back. I leaned in again, and all she did was ghost her lips over mine before pulling back and walking again.

"Tease."

She giggled as we walked up to the door and went inside.

I finally went to get my haircut, and of course Tony commented on how skinny I had gotten. I don't know how he heard about it, but he knew where I had gone. I got my usual haircut and  
thanked him for not charging me extra because my hair had grown so much.

I finally got back home and Bella and I lounged around in my room until everyone came over for dinner.

"I don't wanna go downstairs." I lay down on my bed and she lay down on top of me.

"Edward, we have to greet them."

"Let's just stay here."

"We can come back upstairs after we say hi."

"I don't feel like being around people right now."

"I'm a person."

I squeezed her hip. "You don't count."

"Hey!"

"I mean, yeah, you're a person, but you don't count. You're Bella."

She grabbed my hand and tried to pull me up, but I didn't budge. "Come onnnnn."

"What were you gonna tell me earlier?"

"When?"

"When we were in the kitchen. You were gonna tell me something about the night we first kissed."

"Stop trying to change the subject and come downstairs."

"I'll go if you tell me."

"I'll tell you later."

"Do you promise?" She dropped my hand and looked at me. "Bella, promise me."

"I promise."

We finally went downstairs and greet everyone. I seriously didn't want to see anyone, but I was glad they didn't ask any questions about my stay at the clinic or comment on how much  
weight I had lost. After dinner, I just wanted to go to my room with Bella. Not to have sex, not to do anything like that. I just didn't feel comfortable around Jasper and Rosalie. I felt guilty  
for thinking that, but I didn't feel comfortable around anyone but my family.

But somehow, Bella talked me into hanging out in Emmett's room with the rest of them. We decided to play Truth or Dare, and I prayed to God no one would ask me anything about the clinic.

All six of us sat on the floor in a circle, with Bella sitting in my lap.

Everyone talked and joked around for a few minutes, and Bella turned to look at me.

"Babe."

"Hmm?" I looked down at her.

"Why are you so quiet?"

"I don't know." I just shrugged it off, because really, I didn't know why I was being so quiet. I just didn't feel like talking.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

She turned back around, and we finally began the game.

Emmett went first. "Okay. I'm gonna ask…Alice. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Alright…Who in this room… do you think would be the worst date?"

She let out a laugh before answering. "That's easy. You!"

"Hey! I'm not that bad! Babe, am I that bad?" Emmett turned to Rosalie, who nodded.

Everyone laughed, and Rosalie ended up apologizing to Emmett.

Now it was Alice's turn.

"Edward, truth or dare?"

Easy peazy lemon squeezy. "Dare."

"I'll be back." She got up and ran downstairs, coming back a few minutes later with a cup of…please be sugar.

"I dare you to eat this salt. All of it."

"Are you kidding me? That's half a cup!"

"Be happy it's not a full cup."

I held my nose and took the glass form her.

"No holding your nose."

Ugh. I told myself to relax and began drinking…eating?…the salt. I gagged after my first gulp, and forced the rest of it down. My eyes were tearing at the taste, and I heard everyone  
making disgusted sounds.

I finished it all and put the glass down, wishing I had some water.

"Oh, my God. That was fucking disgusting. Okay…Rosalie. Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

I thought for a few seconds. It had to be something good, but I didn't want to do something like make her make out with someone. "Okay, I got it. I'll be right back." I ran down to the  
kitchen and grabbed the can of whipped cream from the fridge, laughing to myself when I remembered what Bella and I had used it for last night. I got back to the room and handed  
Rosalie the can. "I dare you to cover Jasper's foot in whipped cream and lick it off."

She made a disgusted face and looked over at Jasper. "Um…can I do Emmett's foot?"

"Nope. Jasper." I pulled Bella back onto my lap and watched along with everyone else.

I thought she would back out of it, but wow. I give her credit for doing it. She licked his foot clean, and Bella and Alice gagged. Em, Jasper, and I were cracking up, but I think Jasper was  
laughing because he was ticklish.

"Edward, I'm never choosing a dare from you again."

I laughed and shrugged. It wasn't _that_ harsh of a dare.

"Alright, my turn. Bella, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Um…have you ever cheated on any of your boyfriends?"

Easy. I already knew the answer.

Bella let out a fake laugh, and my heart sank to my stomach when I heard her answer.

"No."

_What?_

She was lying.

Didn't anyone notice? It was so obvious.

I thought the answer would be no. It should have been no. She had never cheated on any of her boyfriends.

But the answer was _yes_.

So it was…me.

I didn't know if I was having a panic attack or if my heart was just breaking into a million little pieces, but it suddenly became hard to breathe.

The game continued, and I was glad no one noticed.

I slid Bella off my lap slowly and moved over, away from her. I didn't want to make a scene, so whenever it was my turn, I just said I couldn't think of anything to say.

**BPOV**

_No._

He knows.

He knows I lied.

He knows it was him.

I felt his eyes bore into me for the rest of the game, but I didn't dare look at him.

I wanted to crawl back into his lap, but how could I? He had pushed me off.

I had wanted to tell him myself.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

He wasn't supposed to find out through a game.

After the game, I knew I had to leave. I couldn't be here anymore, but I didn't want to leave Edward. I wondered if he would tell me to stay, so I said goodnight to everyone. Alice told me  
not to go so soon, but really, I had to. That was clear. Edward was talking to Jasper, and he didn't even look my way.

Everyone said bye, except for him. He just waited for everyone to say good night to me and continued his conversation with Jasper.

My dad was home, but I didn't feel like sitting with him.

I just went up to my room and lay down on my bed. I wish I could just go to sleep and forget all of this. But I wasn't sleepy at all.

An hour later, I heard my dad coming upstairs, and prepared myself to see him when he came to say good night. I couldn't look or sound sad. He'd pick up on it in a second.

When I heard the soft click of my door opening, I decided to just close my eyes and pretend to be asleep.

I heard him sit on my chair and wondered why he didn't just leave.

"Get up. I know you're not sleeping."

My eyes hot open at Edward's voice.

I sat up, not knowing what to say. "I'm –"

"Who was it?" His voice sounded raw and cold. I didn't know how to react to it.

"Who?"

"What the fuck do you mean, 'who'? Who did you cheat on me with?"

I stayed silent. I couldn't bring myself to tell him.

"Just tell me so we can move on with our lives."

Did that mean he was going to forgive me? "It was Jacob."

He leaned in. "Who? Speak up."

"Jacob."

He sat back and put his hands over his face before standing up quickly and nodding. "Okay."

He walked over to the door and turned the handle.

"No, let me explain!"

"No need to explain."

"I love you." I didn't know what that was supposed to do, but I had to tell him.

He stopped and turned his head. "Yeah, me too."

What does that mean? 'Me too.' What was I supposed to make of that? I'd never gotten that response from him to an 'I love you' before.

"Always?" At least I could make some sense of his answer to that.

"Bye."

And just like that, he opened my door and left. No anger. No sorrow. No 'I love you.' No 'Always.'

* * *

**Why do you think Edward showed no emotion when Bella told her ? He didn't seem sad, but he didn't flip out the way he usually does. It just seems as if he doesn't really care  
I feel bad for Bella, but I feel even worse for Edward. I can't imagine h**

**Review, please!**


	28. Chapter 27

**You are all the besttt with the reviews. (:  
Oh, and just to be clear, when Edward was hugging the pillow in his bed at the clinic, when he was talking about Bella's hair, he didn't have an actual piece of her hair. He I think some people got confused about that.**

**Does anyone listen to Mumford & Sons? A couple of months ago, I heard two of their songs and loved them, but this past week, I got their album _Sigh No More _and I'm in LOVE with the entire album. I love their live stuff as well. I can't believe Marcus Mumford (the lead singer) is only 24! He puts so much passion into his songs. All I did today was listen to their album and finish this chapter. I find their songs so moving that while I was listening to them and writing this, I cried, lmao. I just felt so bad for Bella and Edward!**

**My favorite songs right now are "White Blank Page" and "Thistle & Weeds." With that said, the song for this chapter** **is:**

**"White Blank Page" by: Mumford & Sons**

**_"Can you lie next to her and give her your heart, your heart...as well as your body?_**  
**_And can you lie next to her and confess your love, your love...as well as your folly?_**

**_But tell me now, where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?_**

_**You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink**_  
_**You desired my attention but denied my affections, affections."**_

**- JayBee**

* * *

**BPOV**

I tossed and turned in my bed for what seemed like forever. Why wasn't the sun rising already? I turned around to look out my window and turned back around. Still pitch black outside.

I checked the time. 3:37 A.M.

I have to be up for work in four hours.

I wasn't sleepy at all, though. I just wanted to pass out so I didn't have to think about any of this.

Why did I have to go downstairs and see Jacob? I should have just told him to leave. I shouldn't have even answered his text. Why did he have to come? Why did I have to kiss him?

I waited for my alarm to go off and tried not to think of the way Edward's face looked last night.

Okay. Obviously that's all I thought about. How could I not? During the game, I almost cried because of the sorrowful look on his face. When he came over, it seemed as if he didn't  
even care.

I finally heard my alarm go off and got up to get ready. At 7:55, I went to my window and waited for Edward. He walked out and put his briefcase down to pull his black knit hat out  
of his coat pocket and put it on. My heart thumped against my chest when he picked up his briefcase and looked up at my window.

Should I smile? Should I wave? What should I do?

All he did was stare at me as he walked down the walkway.

It was too late. He had already turned onto the sidewalk and was walking away from me.

He would walk to the bus stop and take the bus to the subway. I watched him walk until he was out of sight. I looked up at the sky. What a gloomy day. I hope it doesn't snow again. The  
best part about snow was that I could cuddle with Edward and laze around the house. If it snows and I'm not with him…the snow isn't that great.

I finished getting ready and couldn't help getting lost in thought.

What was I going to do if he didn't want to be together anymore? Would he still want to be friends? Ugh! I didn't want to think about being his friend. I didn't want to be with anyone else.  
What if he never spoke to me again

I couldn't go another week without him. Four months was more than enough.

I finished getting ready and went downstairs to grab a banana and say bye to my dad before leaving.

At work, dealing with the patients was getting to be too much. Still, I couldn't act like anything as wrong. I had to do my job. More important, I couldn't let these people down.

I know they feel like I'm nagging them, but I'm only trying to help. I hope Edward knew that at the clinic and didn't feel like the therapist was attacking him. I couldn't stop thinking about him,  
but I had to make sure not to let my thoughts interfere with the things I told the patients.

Finally, I had my lunch break. I went to my truck and sat with my phone in my lap. Should I text him? What would I say?

I convinced myself to call him, and held my breath as I listened to the rings. The call went to voicemail.

I listened to the entire thing just to hear his voice.

"_Hey, you've reached Edward Cullen. Leave a message and your number and I'll get back to you. Thanks."_ I smiled when I heard the whispered laugh at the end. _"Bella, stop it."_ We were lounging  
on his bed that day, and I was lying down by his feet. This was way before we started dating, over a year ago. It feels like it was ages ago. I tried tickling his feet, just to make him laugh and  
mess up his voicemail message. He wasn't ticklish, but he ended up laughing and shaking his foot anyway, trying to get me to stop. I don't know why he never changed his voicemail message,  
but I'm glad he kept it.

I hung up before the beep and called him again. He would pick up. He always picked up, even when he was at work.

This time, there were only two rings before the call went to voicemail. I listened to the entire thing again, waiting for the whisper at the end.

I put my phone back in my lap and leaned my forehead against my steering wheel, letting out a long sigh. He wasn't going to pick up. He ignored my call.

It feels as if my heart is literally breaking in half, but I guess I deserve it.

I looked down at my phone when I heard a beep.

_From: Edward_

– **Are you in trouble or something? –**

Huh?

_To: Edward_

– **No. –**

_From: Edward_

– **Then stop calling me. I'm at work. –**

_To: Edward_

– **Can you go to the bathroom? –**

_From: Edward_

– **No. –**

But he always went to the bathroom to talk when he couldn't take a call.

_To: Edward_

– **Please, Edward? –**

_From: Edward_

– **No. I'm at a meeting, texting under a fucking table. I can't leave. –**

I had to talk to him. Now. I couldn't take it anymore. I began texting him back, begging to speak to him. Another text from him interrupted my message.

_From: Edward_

– **Okay, you know what? I'm fucking done. I can't deal w/ this shit right now, Bella!  
Do w/e the fuck you want. –**

I felt my face flush red with anger. I forced myself to control my breathing and looked down when I heard another beep.

_From: Edward_

– **I fucking loved you w/ everything I had in my heart! I would NEVER think of doing anything  
w/ anyone else, but you do it so fucking easily, so go ahead. Go date a drug dealer. –**

Fine. If he wanted to break up through texts, then fine.

_To: Edward_

– **I'd rather date a drug dealer than a fucking addict. Have fun fucking your sluts. –**

There was no doubt in my mind that he'd turn into a manwhore tomorrow. God forbid Edward-fucking-Cullen was single and didn't sleep with every girl in the city.

I pressed the 'send' button, then repeatedly pressed 'end'. I had to cancel the message before it was sent.

I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it.

But it was too late. The message was sent.

I looked down and gasped at his response. What the…hell?

_From: Edward_

– **I will. Thanks for all the practice. I'm actually having fun right now. I'm getting my dick sucked  
by Tanya. Great, isn't it? I can just tell you I'm in a meeting and do w/e I want to. –**

I didn't know whether to scream or cry or what. Was he being serious or was he just trying to make me mad? I stared at the text through blurry eyes. He couldn't be texting if he  
was telling the truth. But then again, Edward could multitask with impossible shit. This was probably one of them.

I didn't respond. I couldn't. What would I say? Nothing I say could make this better.

I turned off my phone and went back into the hospital. I had only two more patients to see, and then I could go home and get into bed. Just two and a half more hours.

I spent the rest of my workday thinking about the time he had asked me if I would still love him even if he didn't say "I love you" back. Was that why he hadn't said it back last night?

But he wouldn't test me like that. It wasn't like Edward to do something like that. Of course I still loved him. I would take my love for him to the grave.

As soon as I clocked out of work, I went straight home. My dad had ordered pizza, but I wasn't hungry.

I went straight up to my room and laid facedown on my bed. What could I do? I couldn't lose him, but I couldn't stay with him if he didn't want me.

I felt like someone tore out my heart and stomped on it when he said our time together was 'practice.' How could he think that? Was he calling me a slut?

I hadn't meant what I had said, so he couldn't have meant what he said.

I buried my face in my pillow and listened to the footsteps outside.

I looked at the time. 7:37. It was Edward. He was home from work.

How long had I been laying here? I put my head back down and breathed in and out deeply.

I buried my face deeper into the pillow when I heard my door open slowly. I couldn't deal with anyone right now.

I knew it was him right after he closed the door. I recognized his tentative footsteps as he walked over to my bed. Part of me wanted to yell at my dad for letting him in, but I couldn't  
move. I felt my heart race when I felt the bed sink with his weight.

He put a hand on my back, and it felt as if my skin was on fire under his touch.

"Bells, please turn around."

My heart skipped a beat at the mention of my name. I muttered a "no" and nothing more. If I said any more, I'd cry.

He sat there for a few minutes, the only sounds in the room our own breaths.

I finally turned around and looked up at him. I didn't say anything, mainly because I didn't know what to say. He looked as handsome as ever, still in his work clothes. The top button  
on his shirt was undone and his tie loose.

He lay down next to me and turned his body to face mine, tucking an arm under his head.

"I didn't invite you into my bed."

I saw a flash of pain run through his features before he composed himself. "I don't care."

We lay that way for a while, neither of us touching the other. "Bella, I don't have the strength to stay away from you."

"You seemed to have the strength this afternoon. I guess having your dick in someone's mouth can do that."

"I wasn't…" He let out a sigh. "I _was_ at a meeting."

"Why did you even say you were doing that?"

"I wanted you to hurt as much as I was hurting. I didn't think you'd believe me, though."

"I didn't know whether to believe you or not. Edward, that was _really_ mean."

He raised a brow at me. "The things you said and did weren't exactly nice, either."

I looked down between us. He couldn't be more right. I didn't know what to say, so I just said what I felt.

"I'm sorry. For everything. Not just for the texts. I can't explain how much it hurt me when you just got up and left last night. I don't blame you for not caring anymore. And the fact  
that you were so mad you couldn't even look at me…"

"That's not why I left." His voice seemed so far away. I looked at him then, and I couldn't help but notice that he hadn't lifted my head up or told me to look at him. "I left because I  
didn't know how to deal with the pain. No one has ever cheated on me before, and I didn't know what to do. I felt myself getting mad but I didn't want to take it out on you."

"But I was the reason you got angry. You had no one else to take it out on."

He shook his head. "I should've worded that better. I didn't want to take my anger out on anything or anyone, especially you. So I went home and did my breathing exercises –" He must  
have noticed the look on my face. "They taught me these breathing exercises at the clinic. I'm supposed to do them when I feel myself getting angry or anxious and they're supposed to  
help me calm down."

"Do they work?"

"Yeah, but I wish there was a quicker way to lessen the anger." I moved closer to him and took his hand in mine as he continued. "Anyway, I went home to and calmed down. I told  
myself I would talk to you today, but when I saw you sitting by the window this morning, I got mad again. I don't know why. I just did. I just thought of the way everything happened  
and how I found out."

"Do you feel that way now?" I didn't want him to get mad every time he saw me. Who would want that?

"No. I'm…okay, do you just wanna know the truth? It's not gonna make you feel any better, though."

"Yeah."

He let out a sigh "I'm too sad to be mad. I know…it doesn't really make sense. I never anticipated anything like this happening, even when I was gone. I should've never left. I was so  
close to just quitting the program and coming back home the first couple of weeks because I literally felt like I was dying, and I thought I'd be better of here. But I stayed for you. I know  
that sounds weird. I mean, if I was going to do something for you, it seems like the best thing to do would've been to come back so we could be together. But then…if I came back before  
the program was over, I would've relapsed in a second. And I couldn't let you be around me if that happened. So I stayed. Because I knew I would be guaranteed to see you after I  
completed their stupid program. The entire time I was there, the only thing I focused on was seeing you and my family. I never even thought that you'd do anything with anyone else, but  
I should have. Thought about it, mean. It's always a possibility. Not because you're a bad person, but you're human. I wasn't lying when I said I never think of doing anything with anyone  
else, but I find other girls attractive, too. I feel guilty about it, but I can't help it. So yeah, I get jealous when you find other guys attractive, but I understand. And I'm sorry I implied that  
you were a…slut. It disgusts me just thinking about it. You're nowhere near one. And when we're together – when we make love, when we just plain fuck – it's not practice. Okay?" I waited  
for him to continue, but he was waiting for an answer. "Okay, Bella?"

"Okay." My voice sounded so foreign, even to myself.

He let go of my hand and rested his hand on my hip, rubbing up and down. "What shocked me was that you acted on the feelings you had. And with _him_. I never worried about it, because  
I just thought that if you had never cheated on and of your other boyfriends, you would never cheat on me. I know it sounds arrogant, but that's the way I see you. You're above the rest  
of them. I understand if you don't feel the same way. I know you still love me. And I still wanna be with you. I just needed to think things through. I'm not gonna try to be without you,  
because I know I can't be. Please just tell me why you did it so I know what I did wrong. Do I not pay enough attention to you? Or do I not buy you enough things? Was it because I didn't  
love you enough? I tried so hard, Bella, to give you everything. And it all came so easy, you know? Because I thought I knew how to treat you and make you happy. It was easy for me to  
make you happy. But now I wish I'd never left you so this wouldn't have happened…but I did leave you, and it did happen."

I stared at him in shock. "You've got it all wrong."

"What?"

"All of it. Everything." I didn't know where to begin. "You never left me. It was something you needed to do for us and for your family. That was a very, very selfless and loving thing for you  
to do. Edward, it breaks my heart to know that you think I don't feel the same way about you."

"No, I know you love me."

I put a finger over his lips. "No. I'm in love with you. If there was a feeling that was stronger than love, that's what I would feel for you. I feel like love doesn't even begin to cover what  
I feel for you. I told you before that I know I don't always show you how much I love you, but please believe me when I say I really try. And now…I've completely ruined everything. You do  
more for me than I could ever ask from anyone. Baby, I didn't even know what love was until I fell in love with you. I thought I did, but I was so wrong. Anything I've ever felt for anyone  
else is nowhere near what I'll always feel for you. Don't ever think you don't pay enough attention to me or love me enough. And you know you don't need to buy me _anything_. I can see  
how much you love me, but I don't know what to do to show you how much I love you. You already had your doubts, and my weakness set us even farther back."

He pulled me closer to him and kissed my forehead before resting his chin on top of my head. "Tell me." He hugged me tight, embracing my body in his own.

"Tell you what?" I wrapped my arms around him, finding comfort in his warmth.

"Tell me everything that happened with him."

"Are you sure?"

"I wanna know."

I wanted to say everything as quick as possible. "Okay. Um…Well, I hadn't spoken to him since you had gone to the clinic, but a month before you came back, he sent me a text telling  
me to go outside because he was outside my house. I didn't know who it was at first because I don't have his number anymore, but it was him. So I went down, and I didn't want him  
to be here, and we started arguing about everything. About…you…and stuff. And then I started thinking about you. And I missed you _so_ much. I always tried to avoid talking about, only  
because it hurt me too much. So we talked about you…and then…" I let out a loud sigh. "Edward, this is so stupid. You're not gonna believe me."

"Please, just tell me."

"Okay. We were talking about you, and I started thinking about you, like getting really deep into thought, and then he kissed me." I buried my face in his chest and waited for him to say  
something, but he stayed silent. "And at first, I kissed him back, because I thought it was you." He was so silent. "See, I told you. It's so stupid."

He hugged me tighter. "Continue."

Oh, my god. This was so embarrassing. I can't believe I'm telling him how I cheated on him with Jacob – in detail. "So, I kissed him back, and then he made a noise – or some noises, I  
don't know – and that's how I came to my senses. They weren't the same noises you make. And then I pulled back to look at him and he didn't have your eyes, and then I panicked and  
yelled at him and he said I had already cheated on you so I panicked. I went inside and I never spoke to him after that."

Edward pulled back slowly, and I got scared that he was going to leave again.

He sat on the edge of my bed, his back to me. He rested his forehead in his hands and I rushed over to him. I brought my hands in front of him and took his tie off, setting it down on my  
bed before wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He held onto my arms as I laid my head on his shoulder.

"If it happened one month ago, why didn't you tell me while I was there? I would have made peace with it before I came back."

"I didn't want to tell you in a letter."

"But I found out through a game."

"I know. I was going to tell you last night, I swear. I was just putting it off because I didn't want to ruin the day."

He turned his head to look at me. "Was that what you were trying to tell me all day yesterday?"

"Yeah."

He let out a sigh and turned his head back around. "So you didn't sleep with him?"

"No." I closed my eyes. I couldn't take this. It was so embarrassing. When I opened my eyes, he was looking at me again. "Is that what you thought we did?"

"I don't know, Bella. I just thought about every possible thing that could have happened. The worst thing I thought about was that you'd slept with him…several times."

I felt a sharp pain in my heart and willed it away. "No. We didn't. I know my reason for doing it is childish. I'm sorry. I understand if you don't believe me."

"I believe you. I should have let you explain yesterday, but at the time, I was too angry to care."

"Edward, I promise you I would never even think of choosing someone else over you."

"Can I just ask one last question?"

"Yeah."

His voice seemed lighter, and I instinctively calmed down as well. "Do you think Jacob's handsome?" _What?_ He is a god-looking kid, but after this entire fiasco, I don't know if I should  
say 'yes' or 'no.' He smirked at me and I cocked and eyebrow at him. "Babe, just tell me. I already know the answer by the look on your face."

"Okay, okay. He's handsome. But I don't want him!"

He let out a small laugh. "Well, that's good to know. Because he obviously wants you and I'm not letting him have you." We sat there for a few minutes before Edward broke the silence  
with a yawn. "We have work tomorrow."

I let out a groan. Great.

Edward patted my arm. "I know. That's exactly the way I feel. I don't even wanna be around the people at work." He turned to look at me. "Are you gonna stay here tonight or do you  
wanna sleep over?"

"Well, if my dad…" My words were interrupted by a yawn. "…would let you sleep over, I would just lie down right now and pass out. But since he wants to be difficult, I'll come over."

"Sounds good to me." "But…" He held my hand pulled me up off the bed. "…I'm not gonna let you pass out. We're not gonna sleep just yet."

"Oh? So what are we gonna do?"

He turned around with a crooked smile as we made our way down the stairs. "We're gonna practice."

I looked at him with a knowing smile. I definitely wasn't too tired for that.

* * *

**Keep up the great reviews!**


	29. Chapter 28

**Here's the new chapter!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**EPOV**

I woke up to find myself freezing – again. I felt around for the covers. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that Bella had hogged all the covers. I pulled them out from under her  
body and covered myself before pulling her to me. I tried to go back to sleep, but ended up just lying there.

I'll just wait for Bella to wake up. Neither one of us has work today.

I felt her stir and turn around. I opened my eyes to find her looking back at me with sleepy eyes. Her lips were swollen from the position she had slept in, and I couldn't resist leaning  
in to steal a quick kiss.

I pulled back, smiling. "Good morning."

Her smile matched my own. "Good morning. And Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."

"Are we opening presents now or tonight?"

I let out a small laugh. "Tonight. Your dad and the Radkeys are coming over for dinner and we're gonna open the presents after." I laughed again, not able to contain it.

"What?"

"Nothing." I pulled her up so that she was straddling my waist. The covers fell, exposing her breasts. She picked it back up, but I pushed her hands away, letting the covers pool at our  
waists. She put her hand son my chest and questioned me with her eyes. "I just think it's funny that you're so eager to open presents."

I cradled her cheek in my palm and stroked the blushed skin with my thumb.

I let out a long sigh. "I missed your blush so much."

She let out a giggle and covered my hand with hers. "You've said that so many times."

"I know, but I missed it!"

She let out a laugh, her body shaking on top of mine.

"I bet I could make you blush."

"You can try."

"It_ is_ possible to make Edward Cullen blush, you know."

"You can try." I tried to hide my smile. Bella has made me blush a few times, but other than those few times, I don't really blush.

She bit her bottom lip and ground down as her eyebrows knit together.

I grabbed her hip and held her in place. "Bella! That's not fair."

She threw her head back with a laugh. "But you're blushing. See? I can get you to blush."

"Yeah, by cheating." I gave her a sly smile to let her know I was joking.

"So how is it fair when you make me blush, Mr. Cullen?"

"Because…I can just say, 'Oooh, Bella. I love you.' and you'll blush."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "No."

I narrowed my eyes back at her, still smiling. "Yes."

"No, Edward."

I cocked a brow at her. "Um…are we still joking around?"

She let out a sigh. "You don't control me like that."

What is she talking about? "Control you?"

"You don't have control over me."

"I didn't say I did." I can't believe she's getting mad over this. "Bells, when you make me blush, are you controlling me?"

"No."

I held her chin gently. I held her gaze, making sure she didn't look away. "When you tease me, when you tell me when I can or can't come, are you controlling me?"

"No." She took longer to answer this time, because yeah, when she teased me, it was as if she had control over me, but she didn't.

I saw that beautiful blush stain her cheeks again and pulled her down for a kiss. "No. You don't. But you have an effect on me. When I make you blush, I have an effect on you. That's  
all. And I like having an effect on you. I like knowing how to make you blush."

She gave me an apologetic smile and my heart turned to goo. "And I like knowing how to…tease you the way you like to be teased."

I stifled a laugh. "Yeah, I like that too." No doubt.

"Also…okay, this is gonna sound weird."

I gave her thigh a light squeeze. "Tell me."

"I like the fact that I know how to make you mad and how to make you happy. I mean…I never _want_ to make you mad, but I like knowing that I know how to make you mad. And when  
you get angry, you look so adorable." I smiled up at her, because yeah, she looked adorable too – when I wasn't fuming during one of our fights. "I like that I know everything you  
like and everything you hate."

I kissed the inside of her palm. "It's not weird. I like that too. You know me better than my own family does. And I know you better than anyone else does." I hope I'm not assuming  
things here, but by the smile on her face, I know I'm right. She bent down to give me another kiss and I felt my spine tingle. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

She smiled against my lips. "Tell me again."

"I love you." I repeated it again and again, kissing her between words. I pulled back to look at her. "Always." I had to say it. I don't know why, but I had to. It's not that I think she'll  
believe I'll ever stop loving her, but I just want her to know for sure that I would never even think of it.

"I love you, too."

Being able to feel someone else's love for you has to be the second best feeling in the world – second only next to loving someone.

I moved to get up and pulled her along with me. "Come on. Let's go downstairs."

We got ready and went downstairs to find Alice making coffee. I took some eggs out of the fridge and made scrambled eggs for everyone as Bella made toast. We sat around the  
island to eat. Mostly, I just listened to Alice and Bella speak.

I turned to Bella as Alice got up to get more coffee. "You wanna go see the tree today?"

She nodded as she bit into a slice of toast. "I was gonna ask you a few days ago but I didn't think you'd be up for it."

I laid my hand on top of hers on the table. "Sorry."

"For what?"

"I know I haven't wanted to do anything lately."

"I don't mind. As long as I get to see you, I don't care what we do."

I gave her a weak smile and continued eating. I really did feel bad. The only thing I wanted to do was stay home. To be honest, I never even felt like going to work – the only reason  
I go is because I know I have to.

Alice came back, looking between Bella and me. "Where are you guys going?"

"To see the tree."

I gave Bella a look, telling her to be quiet, but she completely missed it.

"Oh! I wanna see it, too! I didn't get to go this year."

"That's great. You can ask Jasper. I'm sure he'd love to take you." She didn't need to come with us.

Alice rolled her eyes and turned to Bella. "I don't know how you put up with him in the morning. He's such a grump."

Bella shrugged. "I just ignore him."

Oh, really? "Yeah, Bells? I'll just ignore you and we'll see how you like it."

She elbowed me and I smiled to let her know I was kidding. "Babe, I'm just kidding. Alice, he's really not that bad in the mornings."

"Maybe not to you. To the rest of the world, he's a grumpy troll."

"Shut up." I'm not a troll. "We can't all be Little Miss Sunshine twenty-four-seven." To that, she said nothing, and I just smiled in triumph as I finished my breakfast.

We spent the rest of the day helping get dinner ready. I wasn't here for Thanksgiving, so I was going to stuff my face tonight.

I finished setting the table with Emmett and turned to see Bella plug in the lights for the Christmas tree.

She stood back with her hands on her hips and looked at the tree before looking down at the presents.

I walked behind her and slid my arms through hers, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her neck. "Ready to go?"

She brought a hand up and wrapped it around the nape of my neck, playing with the small hairs there. "Yeah."

She seemed so peaceful as she leaned against my chest. "Is something wrong?"

"No, why?"

"You're so quiet." I wondered if she was thinking about her mom, but I wouldn't ask. I wanted her to tell me about it, but I couldn't keep nagging her.

"I'm fine. Just watching the tree."

"Come on. Let's go look at a bigger one."

We went upstairs to layer on clothing, and I ended up giving Bella some of my winter gear to wear so she wouldn't have to go back to her house.

The weather was brutal, but breathing in the air was so refreshing – something that's hard to come by in the city. We rode the bus to the subway station and my heart sank when I  
saw all the people waiting for the subway.

"Oh, fuck…"

Bella turned to me with a smile. "Edward, come on. Did you really think it wouldn't be packed? It's Christmas."

"I knew there would be a lot of people. Just not _this_ much." Hopefully there wouldn't be too many tourists at Rockefeller. It was just beginning to get dark. We left early so we would  
get there right when it became dark. It always worked well, but I guess people got smart this year.

There was nowhere to sit on the train, so we ended up standing with a bunch of people, like sardines in a tin can.

Bella and I held on to one of the poles in the middle of the train, and every time the train shook, everyone knocked into each other. There was a middle-aged man that kept knocking  
into Bella, and after a while, he just leaned on her.

She was just looking around, oblivious. Did she not feel his chest against her back? I looked up at him but he didn't see me. He was busy staring at Bella.

Creep.

I pulled her to me and kept my arm around her. She gave me a questioning look and I just smiled down at her. I wasn't going to discuss it right now.

We finally got off the train and walked up the stairs quickly.

We walked through the line of shops at Rockefeller, right by the Christmas angels.

I grabbed Bella's hand as we got closer to the tree. "Don't let go."

We wove our way through all the tourists. I had to stop myself from shoving them all out of the way. I didn't blame them for wanting to be here, but all of them didn't need to stop in  
the middle of the walkway with maps in their hands, pointing every which way.

We finally made it to the huge evergreen. Every year, I saw this tree countless times. This year, I saw it every night from my office window, and it never ceased to amaze me. Adorned  
with enough lights to cover the entire city, it was beautiful.

Okay, I'm exaggerating the amount of lights on it, but still, it's beautiful.

I wrapped my arms around Bella and pulled her to my chest. I laid my chin on her shoulder and turned to kiss her cheek as she giggled.

She brought a hand up and pulled my hat down over my eyes, taking me by surprise. "Hey!" I pulled my hat up and did the same to her.

"Edward!" She laughed.

"What? It's only fair. An eye for an eye."

"What if I do this?" She turned around in my arms and wrapped her arms around my neck before kissing me gently. She pulled back and looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes as the  
tingle that ran down my spine lingered. "An eye for an eye?"

I shook my head slowly. "No. Then I get greedy. You'll have to give me an arm and a leg for that."

She laughed at my attempt at a joke and leaned up to kiss me again. I didn't let her go this time. I wrapped a hand around her silky hair and held her to me. I forgot about everything  
around us – all the commotion, all the shouting – none of it existed in this moment.

I pulled back with a gasp and looked into her eyes. They were almost black, as I'm sure mine were.

She turned back around and put her arms on top of mine around her waist.

I pushed her hair back with my cheek and kissed her neck.

"Mm…I love you." She tightened her arms around mine.

"I love you, too."

We stood there for a while, just talking and watching the people beneath us ice skate.

**BPOV**

I wanted to stay a bit longer, but I could tell Edward was getting antsy. He made a face when I pointed to his office window, and after that, he asked if we could go home about ten times.

He started getting tense after about thirty minutes, but I didn't know why. He kept saying nothing was wrong, but there was obviously something going on.

He seemed better now that we were home, so I relaxed and tried to enjoy myself.

Edward leaned against his doorframe, texting a coworker. I ran downstairs to grab some mistletoe from the kitchen and ran back upstairs.

I walked up to Edward quickly and held the mistletoe over our heads.

"Oh! Baby, Seth and Tanya –"

I cut him off with a kiss and melted in his arms as he embraced me.

He pulled back with a dazed look in his eyes, a crooked grin plastered on his face. "…say Merry Christmas."

"What?"

"Um…" He closed his eyes for a second before opening them. "Seth and Tanya. They said Merry Christmas."

"Thank you. And Merry Christmas to them."

He took the mistletoe from my hand and tossed it into his room. "We'll use that later."

I laughed as we walked down the hall and down the stairs.

Edward stopped halfway and turned around. "Give me a second. I'll be right back." He ran back upstairs and I leaned back to see what he was doing. He opened Emmett's door  
and poked his head in. "Keep him here until we open the presents."

"What's he gonna eat? He's whining."

"Bring up chicken after dinner."

Edward closed the door and came back down with a big smile. "Come on." He took my hand and led me to the dinner table, pulling out my chair and pushing it in while I sat. I smiled  
up at him thankfully as he sat next to me. Little things like this made my heart melt.

The Radkeys sat across us, with Max between his parents. I felt bad for wishing Mr. Radkey couldn't make it, but I'd never met such a cold-hearted person. I didn't care if he treated  
me like scum, but it broke my heart whenever I had to see the look on Max's face after another one of his father's tactics. Was he blind as to how much this kid loved him, or did he not care?

Emmett came downstairs and lowered the volume on the radio before coming over to the table.

I pushed my previous thoughts to the back of my head as we stood to say grace. I silently mentioned my mom before we sat down to eat.

Em turned on some Christmas carols and everyone around the table erupted in chatter, passing food this way and that.

I looked over at Edward and my heart broke in two.

He was hunched over his plate, eating in silence.

I looked around the table. Everyone was yelling over each other. Didn't anyone notice?

I put a hand on his thigh and he turned his head, giving me a small smile.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." He turned back around and continued eating.

I pulled my hand away reluctantly.

The lump that was forming in my throat prevented me from eating anything. I forced myself not to cry, but I couldn't bear to see the look on Edward's face. How could someone  
smile and still manage to look so torn? He was perfectly fine one moment and closed up the next.

He put down his fork and turned to me with a sigh. "Can I talk to you in the kitchen?"

"Yeah."

"Excuse us."

I don't think anyone heard him – no one even turned to look at us leave. The only who noticed was Max. We waved at him with a smile as he waved goodbye.

Edward leaned against the kitchen counter, his hands on either side of him.

I leaned against the island, and for a few seconds, all we did was look at each other.

"Edward…please talk to me."

He let out a sigh and looked down at the floor.

"Edward."

"I don't know how to explain it, okay?"

"Explain what? Just tell me what's going on."

"I don't _know_ what's going on."

"Why are you so…sad?" I wish I could think of a better word, but that's all that comes to mind when I look at him.

"I'm not _sad_. I just feel…different. Weird."

"Edward, you're scaring me." Was he thinking about relapsing? What's going on?

His head snapped up and he moved forward, closing the space between us. He held my hands in his. "No, don't be scared." He searched my face before looking into my  
eyes. "I promise you, there's nothing to be afraid of. I just…I don't know."

It was clear that he was struggling to explain himself. I ran my fingers down the side of his face, trying to comfort him. "It's okay. Try your best to explain."

He closed his eyes and turned his head to kiss my palm. "I don't like being around people. I know. It sounds really weird."

He dropped his head again, but I held his chin and held his gaze. "It's not weird."

"But it's not me."

He was right. Edward loved being around people. He's the one who helped me come out of my shell when we were younger. He was always outgoing, almost never a recluse.

I feel awful for not noticing this sooner. Since he's been back from the clinic, I've had to plead for us to go almost anywhere. He never wants anyone to come over, and he never  
wants to go anywhere.

Was he going through a depression? My heart sank at the thought.

"Do you want to go upstairs? I'll stay with you."

He shook his head, his brows furrowed. "No. I don't want this to affect you in any way. You should enjoy your Christmas, not spend the night babysitting me."

"I wouldn't be –"

He put a finger to my lips. "No. I'll stay here with everyone. It's Christmas. And I don't want everyone asking me if I'm okay every two seconds."

Mrs. Radkey walked in then, and we both turned our heads as Edward took a step back.

"Oh, sorry, kids! I'm just getting a soda." She opened the fridge and grabbed a can of coda before leaving quickly.

I felt my cheeks burn and looked back at Edward when he placed his hands over my heated skin.

He looked down at me with a small smile. "Why are you embarrassed, love? We weren't doing anything."

"She thought we were," I said in a meek voice.

"I love it."

"Love what?"

"That you can be so aggressive at times – like when we're intimate – and yet you get embarrassed so easily at times like this. I know I've mentioned this before, but really, I love it."

My cheeks flared even more. I tried to pull his hands away, to which he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, letting his lips linger there. "You're adorable."

"Is there any time that you long to be around others?"

He pulled back to look at me. "Not really, no. When I'm with you, I don't mind as much."

As much as I'd love to, I couldn't be with him twenty-four hours a day. "What about when you're at work?"

He shrugged. "I just…grit my teeth and bear it. I try to take it one day at a time. It's been working so far."

"Does it get harder to deal with as time goes by?"

"No."

That's good. I felt a bit of relief wash through me. "Does it get better? Easier?"

"No," he said indifferently. That wasn't such great news, but he didn't look hopeless, which was always a good thing. "Can we please talk about this later? I just want to enjoy  
my day off work."

"Yes. But promise me we'll talk about it."

"I promise."

"Tonight."

He let out an exaggerated sigh. "Alright, mother. I promise. Tonight." I scowled, eliciting a small laugh from him. "Now you know how it feels. Stop calling me 'dad'." He took my hand  
and turned around, leading me into the dining room. I took the opportunity to swat his butt. He turned around with a scornful look. "Hey!"

I let out a laugh as we got back to the table. Everyone was done eating. They were just sitting around the table, talking.

"Where were you guys?"

I turned to Alice with a smile. "Kitchen."

"Oh."

I was happy she didn't ask anything else. I'm positive Edward doesn't want anyone to know what's going on.

We cleaned up the table and got settled in the living room, waiting to open the presents. Everyone got comfortable on the couches as Mr. Cullen passed out the gifts one by one.

I laid my head on Edward's shoulder and looked up at him with a smile. "Are you okay?"

"Mhm."

I didn't push him any further. At times he looked like he was in pain, and at other times he looked fine.

I saw Em run upstairs with a piece of meat and turned back to Edward. "Edward, what are you hiding in Emmett's room?"

He looked down at me quickly, caught off guard by the question. "In Emmett's room?"

"Mhm."

"What am I hiding in there?"

I smirked at him. He was buying time. "Yeah."

"My mom's present."

"Oh." I thought it would be something more interesting.

"Why? Did you think it was something for you?"

"No." Yes. "I was just wondering."

"Okay, well, don't worry. I didn't get you anything this year."

"Really?"

"Really." He let out a laugh. "Why do you look so shocked?"

"Because…" It didn't seem as if he was joking, but could it be true? Wow. After all these years, he listened and didn't buy me anything.

I smiled at this realization, and Edward smiled back. "What?"

"Nothing." I pulled my legs up and snuggled into his side as he wrapped an arm around me. When it came time for Edward to open the present I got him, I sat up to see his reaction.

His face lit up when he ripped open the wrapping paper. "Oh, my God!" I sat back, laughing. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome."

He gave me a kiss before turning back to the Xbox 360.

Max ran over to us, eyes wide open. "Can I see?" They opened the box together and took everything out, examining all the cords and parts. Edward found my second present, a coupon  
I made for him. He took it out and gave me a curious look before silently reading it to himself. The piece of paper read:

_Edward Anthony Cullen is entitled to one night with Isabella Marie Swan.  
Ms. Swan will do anything and everything Mr. Cullen wants. This coupon can only be used once,  
and can only be used in Mr. Cullen's or Ms. Swan's bedroom._

_- __Bella Cullen_

Edward put everything back in the box and read the piece of paper again before looking at me with a sly smile.

Max tapped Edward's knee to get his attention. "What does it say? Can I see it?"

Edward put the makeshift coupon in the back pocket of his jeans. "It says I can get free ice cream."

"I love ice cream!"

Everyone flinched and looked at us before getting back to their presents.

"Shhh…It's not a real coupon. It's just a fake one Bella made."

Max turned back to the Xbox, completely forgetting about the ice cream. "Let's play, let's play, let's play!"

"Now?" Edward laughed.

"Yeah!"

"How about I pick up some games tomorrow after work and you come over so we can play?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

Max considered this for a second and beamed at Edward and me. "Yeah, that works!" He went back to his parents and got settled between them on the couch. His dad kissed the top  
of his head, and at that moment, I felt horrible for thinking bad thoughts about Mr. Radkey.

I turned to Edward and whispered. "Did you see that?"

"Max and his dad? Yeah. Why?"

"Edward, he loves him."

By the look on his face, I knew I didn't have to say anything else. He knew what I was thinking. "Nothing he says or does can excuse the way he acts toward his family."

I blinked and looked away. I couldn't say anything. He was right, but I still felt bad.

"Alright, last present." Mr. Cullen turned it around to read the names. "To Edward, from Bella."

Edward's head snapped toward me. "At this rate, I'm not gonna let you take me out."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not as if you were ever gonna let me take you out anyway."

"I will. I promised you. A promise is a promise." He ripped open the package as everyone cleaned up all the pieces of paper that covered the floor.

Max ran over to us again, eyeing he Xbox games Edward was holding. "You got games! Can we play _now_?"

"Tomorrow," Edward laughed. He bent down and gave me a quick kiss. "Thank you. I love it all so much."

"You're welcome." I was so glad he liked it. I didn't think he'd hate it by any means, but it's always good to hear him say he loves what I get him.

"Edward!" Emmett yelled from upstairs, and Edward's head jerked toward the stairs. He turned toward Max and me. "Bells, I'll be right back. Max, you wanna come help me with something?"

"Yeah!" Max ran upstairs and Edward followed behind.

I sat and waited, because apparently, girls weren't allowed upstairs.

Edward came back down a few minutes later with a big box in his arms. Max followed him down big a huge grin plastered on his face. Just as Edward took the last step off the  
staircase, the lid of the box fell off and a puppy poke its head out.

Edward flinched back and laughed as he leaned forward and whispered into the puppy's ear. "Not yet." He walked over with a wide smile. "Merry Christmas, baby."

I sat there, too shocked to do anything. I didn't know whether to jump for joy, hug Edward, hug Max, or hug the puppy.

Max was all but jumping up and down. "It's a puppy!"

I laughed at the way he stated the obvious.

Everyone was staring now, and I wondered if Edward felt uncomfortable.

"You didn't really believe that I didn't get you a present, did you?" He was still smiling own at me, and I realized I hadn't said anything to him.

He put the box down next to me and I flitted up to give him a big hug. "Thank you so much. I love it."

He kissed my neck and laughed. I felt my knees tingle. "Him. And you're very welcome."

I turned around to see the puppy trying to climb out of the box. He had a baby blue bow around his neck. I leaned down and picked him up. "Oh, my God…look at you! You're  
adorable!" I noticed a silver necklace hanging from his neck and looked back into his beautiful brown eyes. "And what a beautiful necklace you have!"

Edward cleared his throat behind me. "That's…not the dog's." I turned to look at him. He took the necklace off the dog's neck and put it around mine. "It's yours."

I looked down at the pendant – a silver and gold heart lock with a small key dangling at its side. "Thank you. It's beautiful." I don't know why, but I felt like crying.

Edward bent down and kissed me sweetly. "You're welcome, love."

We put all of our presents into Edward's room and went back downstairs to join everyone in the living room.

Edward and I sat on either side of the puppy on the couch. "We can go back upstairs if you want to."

"No, I'm fine." He gave me a small smile and scratched behind the puppy's ear.

"You sure?"

"Positive." He looked okay, so I let it go. "Why are we watching this? _Home Alone_ is on."

Alice turned from her spot on the floor to look at Edward. "Max's dad doesn't want him to watch that because they say 'stupid' and 'idiot' and stuff."

Edward's face fell. "It's rated PG."

Alice shrugged and turned back to the TV.

Edward took the puppy in his lap and scooted closer to me. "It's not as if he doesn't know what those words mean. He knows not to use them."

He was starting to get mad, so I just shrugged. I didn't want to add fuel to the fire. "As long as Max enjoy the movie, it's fine." I bumped knees with him to lighten things  
up. "Don't act like you didn't love _The Ultimate Christmas Present_ as a kid."

He let out a small sigh. "I know he likes the movie. That's not what's making me upset." He turned to the TV.

"I know," I said apologetically. He was mad because of the way Mr. Radkey had to control everything.

I rubbed between the puppy's ears and looked up at Edward. "What's his name?"

"Huh?" He looked at me, then down at the puppy. "Oh, sorry." He picked the dog up and held it in the air. "Bells, meet Connor. Connor, Bells. Or, uh…Bella."

I laughed at Edward. "He can call me Bells." I picked Connor up. "Hi, Connor." I scrunched up my face as he licked me.

It was great to hear Edward's sweet laugh. "He's a black Lab. Just three weeks old. Max picked him out at the shelter. I was gonna get a Boxer, but Max said this one looked  
_coooooler_ and that you were lame so you needed something to make you cool." I cocked a brow at him. Max didn't say that. "Okay, okay. He didn't call you lame. But he did say  
Connor looked cool. I asked your dad and he said he doesn't mind having a dog in the house. And obviously we don't mind having him here."

I smiled up at Edward before leaning my back against his side. I laid Connor down in my lap and pulled my legs up. I snuggled into Edward's side as he wrapped an arm around  
me, pulling me closer.

Edward watched the movie, but I was facing the other way. I cuddled with Connor and Edward reached down to pet him once in a while. I couldn't help thinking that the three of  
us were like a family. It felt good to know that the thought of having a family with Edward didn't scare me in any way.

I wondered if Edward thought the same thing when he got Connor.

Right then, he bent down to kiss the top of my head and whisper his love for me. My heart melted at that simple moment, and I turned to look at him with a smile.

After everyone left, we went up to Edward's room, and Edward all but collapsed on his back on the bed.

I laid Connor on Edward's stomach and he let out a huff of air as he held the puppy in place. "You did well today, buddy. Almost chewed off Em's sock, but it's okay."

I laughed as I got undressed. I threw on one of Edward's worn NYU t-shirts and lay down next to him on the bed. "He's so quiet."

"He's just not used to being around us."

Edward got up and put Connor in the bed he'd bought for him. As soon as Edward turned and walked back to the bed, Connor jumped out and followed him.

Edward put the dog back in and laid a hand on his back. "Stay." He backed away slowly, but after a couple of steps, Connor followed him again.

Edward just crawled into bed with a sigh and Connor tried to jump onto the bed twice before giving up and laying down on the floor next to Edward.

He whimpered and I crawled over Edward to peek down at Connor. His ears perked up and he lifted his head to look at me. I looked at Edward and pouted. "Aw…he's sad."

He grabbed my hips and turned me so that I was straddling his waist. "Stop pouting. He's not sleeping with us."

I peered over to the other bed and side-eyed Edward.

"No, Bella. He's fine where he is. He needs to know that he can't sleep in our bed."

I felt my heart flutter at the mention of "our bed." _Our_ bed. That sounded…yeah…I liked it. A lot. I looked back down at Connor. He was already asleep.

Edward hooked his index finger into the waistband of my panties and pulled it back, letting it snap against my skin.

"Ow, baby." I rubbed the skin under my waistband.

"I wanna use my coupon."

I let out a small laugh and looked at him suggestively. "Use it."

He squeezed my thighs and bit his bottom lip. "As sexy as you look in your underwear and my t-shirt right now, I want to save it for a day where I'm not too tired to do what I wanna do."

"What do you wanna do?" I placed my hands on his chest and scooted back a bit.

He grabbed my hips and groaned. "Stop moving."

I smiled at the feel of the soft cotton of his Rangers pajama pants against my thighs – and the feel of his cock against my butt. He wasn't hard, but there was definitely a fullness there.

"Tell me what you want to do when you use the coupon."

"You know how you tie me to the bed?"

"Yeah."

"Well…yeah."

"You're gonna tie me up?"

"Yeah."

Yes! Finally. "Why haven't you ever done it before?"

"Tied you up?"

"Yeah."

He shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't think you'd want to do it."

"You should've asked. Or at least told me you wanted to do it."

He shrugged again.

"Edward, you know I like being teased."

He smirked up at me. "Not as much as you like doing the teasing."

I felt myself blush and changed the subject. "So tell me."

He brought a hand up to my cheek, and I knew he saw the reddened skin. "Tell you what?"

"Why don't you like being around people?"

He dropped his head and looked down at my hands on his chest. "It's not…" He let out a sigh and looked back up at me. "I don't mind being around you or my family. But I feel  
uncomfortable when other people are around."

"Do you feel anxious when there are other people?"

"I wouldn't call it anxious. I feel…"

"Paranoid?"

"No. I don't know what the feeling is."

"Do you feel trapped?"

His pressed his lips into a thin line. "No. Stop acting like you're my therapist. Don't treat me like one of your patients."

"I'm – I'm not." It hurt that he thought I was treating him like a patient. I wasn't trying to be a therapist right now. I was just trying to understand. "Please don't think that. I'm your  
wi– girlfriend." Please, God. I'm begging you. Please make it so that he didn't catch that slip-up.

"So listen to me and let me explain." I was relieved to know he didn't hear it. I almost called myself his wife. I didn't say anything and he continued. "I don't know what I feel when I'm  
around other people, but I feel uncomfortable. I think what I feel is…fear. Because I know they're judging me. And I know you guys aren't. I don't want to be judged, Bella. What I did  
doesn't make me a bad person."

"Edward, people are always going to judge you. Always. Whether they know you or not. Whether you make the right decisions or not. You know this – you've told me a countless number  
of times. I promise you, everyone doesn't know what happened. It's not possible for everyone to know, everywhere you go. Do people at work ask you questions about it?"

He nodded silently.

"Then they're not judging you. They want to know what happened. If they ask, it's because they want to know the truth. They're not children. They're grown men and women. And I'm  
sure they've been through a lot of things in their lives, too. Most of them probably sympathize with you. Don't be scared to be around them. They're people you already know. Do you  
feel uncomfortable around people you don't know?"

"Not as much. But if they stare at me, yeah, I feel weird."

I gave him a small smile. "Maybe they're just staring because you're hot and they're not."

I saw a hint of a smile as he nudged me with his leg. "No."

"If they're really staring at you because of what you did, then fuck them. It's not as if they've never made a mistake." I traced the planes of his chest with my thumbs and looked up at  
him when he shuddered. His body was starting to get toned again. "How do you feel at the gym?"

"I go with Emmett. When I'm there, I just focus on him. I don't think about anyone else. That's what I did downstairs. When I felt the fear set in, I just focused on you and Connor."

"Does it help enough to calm you down?"

"Yeah."

"But we're not always going to be with you."

"I know. But I'm just going to hope it works for now. And then maybe this will all just go away later."

"What if it doesn't?" I wasn't trying to be negative, but he couldn't live this way his entire life. It would completely drain him.

"It will. I think it's getting better already."

"Edward, we had to leave Rockefeller early," I said dryly. He had to stop brushing this off like it was nothing.

"I know. I'm sorry. It just…got to be too much after a while. There was so much going on and so many people around." He pushed the hem of my shirt up and placed his hand on my  
stomach, rubbing up and down. "At first it wasn't so bad, but then…I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't want to keep you from doing things you want to do."

"Baby, I can assure you that you're not keeping me from doing anything." I cradled his face in my palm and leaned down to kiss him. "Okay?" He tried to turn his head but I held it in  
place. "Edward, please."

When he finally met my gaze, I knew. He was a completely different person than he was a year ago. "Okay."

He was still my Edward, but he had changed so much. I'd never seen him hurt as much as he had during this past year. He was still a fun-loving person, but he was more secluded  
now. He went from being one of the most outgoing and talkative people I knew to a private person in such a short amount of time. I don't know if it's because he's maturing or if it's  
because of what happened and where he went, but either way, I love him. It's as simple as that.

I turned off the bedside lamp, laid down next Edward, and curled up into a ball. He turned to face me and pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arm around me and burying his face in my hair.

"Thank you for being so understanding."

"Anytime." I couldn't explain how happy I was that he trusted me enough to tell me these things without a problem.

"And for referring to yourself as my wife."

I gasped. _He heard._

"You heard that?" I groaned.

"Yes. And I loved it. Bella, my heart soared at that slip-up."

"It wasn't a slip-up. There's no such thing. Remember when I told you about the Freudian slip?"

"Mhm."

"I believe in that. Edward, it wasn't a mistake. I want to be your wife."

He stopped breathing for a few seconds and I moved my head to look up at him. I could barely make out his features, but I knew he was looking down at me. "I'd love for that to happen."

He tucked my head under his chin and I kissed the hollow of his neck. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I felt myself falling asleep, but stayed awake just long enough to hear it. "Always."

* * *

How'd you like it?  
Sorry nothing amazingly interesting happened, but yayyy, they got a puppy! (:  
Did you all see _**Water for Elephants**_**? It was sad. And good! I think it's pretty cool that Rob played Reese's son in **_**Vanity Fair**_**, and now they're lovers in **_**WFE**_**. Also, I'm in love with Christoph Waltz. I loved him after I saw **_**Inglourious Basterds**_** and I love him even more after **_**WFE**_**.**

**And did you guys see Rob's new dog, Bear? Adorable! He said that they used Bear for **_**WFE**_**, and he was going to go back to a shelter, so Rob adopted him. The only pictures I've seen of bear are the pictures of Kristen walking him in NYC.**

**Hope you guys liked this chapter. (:**

**Please review!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Omg, guys. I am **_**so**_** sorry it took forever to update. I didn't have a long break from school after the semester ended because I'm taking summer classes now. But anyway, the chapter is done! And it's much longer than my other chapters. (:**

**The song recommended for this chapter is:**

"**My Best Friend" by: Tim McGraw - Recommended by ****inlovewithtwilight16**

**Thanks!**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**EPOV**

"How's that?" I took a quick glance at her ample breasts and bare torso before looking up at her.

She pulled at the knotted tie. I watched as it gave way. She pulled again, and her hands came free. "Tighter."

I took the tie before looking down at her with a sigh. "Bells, are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Um…yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because…" Because the last time your wrists were bound, it didn't end well.

"Because of what happened?" I nodded, looking everywhere but at her. "Because of the time you grabbed my wrists?"

"Yeah," I said softly. I didn't want to think about it.

"What?" She sat up and leaned back against the headboard of her bed.

"Yes. When I grabbed you and wouldn't let go. Bella, I can't explain how much it hurts me when I think of that day. I'm so sorry."

"Edward, please stop bringing this up. It happened. I forgave you. I'm over it. It's done."

She didn't understand. It wasn't that simple. I'd stop bringing it up if that's what she wanted, but I could never let it go. "But this is gonna be the same thing. Your  
hands are gonna be tied up and I'm not gonna let you go."

She let out a small laugh. "Uh…yeah. That's the whole point. Edward, I trust you with my life. I know that if I ever wanted to be untied, you'd let me go in a heartbeat."  
She scooted closer and put her hands on my knees. "Is that why you're not as aggressive as you used to be?"

Not as aggressive? I hadn't realized that I was acting different. Had I changed in general, or just in bed? "I am?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry?" It ended as a question, though I don't know why. Does she not like the way I am with her?

"Don't apologize. I'm not complaining. I'm just trying to understand."

"Did I change after I got back from rehab?"

She shook her head. "Before."

"After I hurt you?" It killed me to ask.

She closed her eyes and let out a sigh before looking at me. "You didn't hurt me."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut. "You said it. You yelled out. You said I was hurting you." I felt the rage of that day wash through me, and  
waited for it to subside before looking at her again. "You were scared. Of _me_. I'm supposed to be the one who protects you…comforts you."

"Please, I'm begging you. Stop talking about this. You didn't hurt me."

"How can you say that? Your wrists were covered in bruises." I couldn't stop thinking about it. If I stopped talking now, I'd just be thinking about it for the rest of the day.

"You know I bruise easily." I let out a sigh. I was so sick of going back and forth – she needed to stop trying to justify what I did. She ran a hand through my hair  
and let it rest on my neck. "Edward, this is completely different. I _want_ this, and so do you. We have a safe word for a reason. Even when _I_ tie _you_ up, we have one  
for a reason."

I smiled down at her as I took her hand from the back of my neck and played with her fingers. "Yeah, but it's not like you're going to hurt me." I guess she could if  
she wanted to, but she had never tried. All Bella did when she tied me up was tease me until I couldn't take it anymore. I felt my dick twitch at the memories and  
pushed the thoughts out my mind before I got carried away.

"Maybe not physically, but I don't want to feel uncomfortable, especially when you have such little control. I promise you, I'm not scared of you one bit. You weren't  
sober when you did what you did. I knowyou won't hurt me. It's not in you to do anything like that."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Do you think I would ever hurt you?"

"Physically?" We _had_ hurt each other plenty of times over stupid fights and arguments. But never on purpose, and never physically – until I bruised her.

"In any way."

"Not intentionally."

"How can you be so sure?" She smiled as she repeated my previous question. I was glad that things were lightening up a bit.

That was an easy question to answer. "Because you love me too much to hurt me."

"Well, Eduardo, you just answered your own question."

I groaned and jokingly rolled my eyes. I nudged her leg with mine. "Stop it or I'll call you Izzy for the rest of your life."

Okay, I'd never call her that for the rest of her life. I hated that nickname just as much as she did.

"Why can't I call you that? It's not as if you named your dick Eduardo. He's my little Eddie."

"He's not little!" I growled.

I watched her breasts bounce as she laughed and forced myself to look up at her when she spoke. "I know, I know. He's not average, either. He's _longgg_."

She side-eyed me with a smirk and I couldn't help but laugh. "And…?" I raised my eyebrows craned my neck forward, waiting for her answer.

"_Thick_." I sat back, pleased with her answer. I knew she's kidding when she calls my dick small, but it still hurts my ego. I only jokingly get mad, but if I were to  
ever say, 'Awww, I love my little girls.' to her boobs, she'd probably have a fucking hissy fit. "But…I will always love your little wee-wee."

I snorted at her comment. I tried not to laugh, but it was no use. She was too adorable for words.

I grabbed her calves and pulled her down so that she was lying on her back. I crawled over her body, running my fingers over her tattoo as I bit her earlobe and  
took the soft flesh in my mouth to soothe the pain.

I dropped my voice as I spoke into her ear. "Shut your mouth before I fuck it."

I pulled back to look at her expression, but she quickly wrapped her hand behind my neck and pulled me back down. "Ha, my jokes. They will love it."

I kissed her cheek and smiled from ear to ear. God, I love this girl so much. Every other girl I was with before Bella would've gotten mad at what I'd just said, even  
if it was from a song.

But this girl in front of me – well, under me – not only did she not mind when I said shit like that, but she completed the lyrics…the same way she completed me.

I could have regular conversations with her while she was sitting half-naked on her bed. She wasn't ashamed of her body, she didn't feel uncomfortable – she had  
no reason to be either, and she knew that. She gets shy at times, but then again, so do I.

Every other girl I ever slept with or did _anything _sexual with would tell me to look away while she was getting dressed, as if I hadn't just fucked her six ways from Sunday.

I lowered my mouth and latched my lips onto one of Bella's nipples and brought my hand up to roll the other one between my thumb and index finger. She arched  
her body as I nibbled on her nipple.

"Edward…more."

I stood up and looked her up and down, ignoring her whimpers of protest. I couldn't let her needs affect me right now.

I tilted my head to the side and smirked down at her. I loved the way the necklace I got her fell along her collar bone. She hadn't taken it off once since Christmas,  
and I was more than happy that she seemed to love it.

She never takes it off, the way I never take my watch off. Wearing the watch helps me feel closer to her when I'm not actually with her, primarily when I'm stressed at work.

I walked over to her desk, pulled back the chair, and sat down facing her. She stood up and started walking toward me. "Stop."

She froze in place. I couldn't help but blatantly stare at the way my blue Rangers pajama pants rode low on her hips. An involuntary groan left my lips and I audibly  
shut my mouth. Shit. I hope she didn't hear that. I was the one in charge. I couldn't show any weakness.

She just looked so fucking…delectable. _Fuckkk._

"Get back on the bed."

I watched her perfect ass sway from side to side as she walked back to the bed and sat with her back against the headboard. How could someone be so effortlessly sexy?

I took my blue Rangers jersey off, pulling my white v-neck t-shirt back down as it rode up, and tossed the jersey to her. "Put it on."

She looked disgustedly at the jersey and looked back up at me. "But I'm already wearing the pants."

"I don't give a fuck. Put it on. _Now_." Was that too mean?

_No. She wants this. I'm not degrading her in any way. We're just…playing._

Her eyes grew wide as she grabbed the jersey and mumbled, "Holy cow. Alright. Making me get dressed after I already got undressed…"

"Shut up. You are not to speak unless I permit you to do so. Is that understood?" I watched as she put on my jersey and flipped her hair out through the collar. She  
stared at me, blinking a few times, but saying nothing. I didn't know if it was because she was surprised at the way I was acting, or if it was because I told her she  
wasn't allowed to speak. "You may answer."

"Yes."

"Yes, _what_?" I seethed.

"Yes…Master?"

I almost burst out with laughter, but caught myself in time. I have to show her that I can do this. I can be aggressive. I can be dominant.

I_ wanted_ to do this. I have to be assertive, strict. I wanted to be in control, so I'm going to do it. I let Bella take control most of the time, but I had been waiting to  
use this coupon for a month. No one was in her house except us, neither of us had to work today, and we didn't have any plans until later tonight. I was going to take. Full. Advantage.

"Try again."

"Yes…sir?"

"Good girl." It felt weird having her call me Master, but she needed to call me something that showed her I had authority over her.

I felt the weight of my cock against my thigh and looked down at my lap. Fuck. When had I gotten this hard? I palmed my cock through my sweats for a few  
seconds to relieve some pressure. How was it possible for her actions to be so erotic when all she was doing was putting on my jersey?

I pushed up the hem of my shirt and tentatively ran the tips of my fingers over my abdomen. "Instead of a safe word, we will use a system of words. This system  
contains the words green, yellow, and red. Though, there really is no need to use yellow. If at any point you feel the least bit uncomfortable, you _will_ say red and I  
will stop this entire thing. However, if you disobey me at any time, you will be punished. The word 'no' means nothing in this situation. The only two words that will  
have any meaning are 'green' and 'red'. Is that understood?"

"Yes…sir."

Though she addressed me as an afterthought, I let it go. At last she remembered, even if it was a bit late. She stared at me with raised eyebrows, apparently  
wanting to say something. "What is it?"

"What will the punishment be?" She asked in a meek voice. I didn't know if she was pretending to be submissive or was unintentionally speaking in such a soft  
voice, but the way she was acting just made me want to say 'fuck it', throw her down on the bed and fuck her senseless.

"You'll see what it is if you disobey me." I didn't plan on doing anything extensive. I was thinking of maybe slapping her ass. I don't know what else there is to  
do without taking it too far.

"O-okay."

What was that expression on her face? Fear?

I was at her side in less than two seconds. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Go back. Please."

"Bella..." I searched her eyes for any signs of discomfort. I sat back on my heels with a sigh when I didn't find any. "We don't have to do this."

She shook her head. "_Please_. I didn't say red. You're breaking your own rules."

I sighed and slowly retreated back to the chair. She was right. If we were going to do this, I couldn't stop for every little thing. It was evident that she trusted  
me, but I had to trust her as well. She would let me know if there were any problems.

I got comfortable in the chair and resumed. "Does my girl want to know what her punishment will be?" She shook her head and I raised an eyebrow at her. "No?"  
She kept quiet, and I almost smiled at the way she obeyed the rules. "You may speak. Do you want to know?"

"Not if you don't want me to know, sir."

Great answer. "I'd rather it be a surprise."

"Then that's what I'd like as well."

Did she realize that we were speaking differently? In a more...proper way? Whatever. It didn't matter. I just need to do something before I fucking explode in my pants.

"Good. I want to watch you play with yourself," I stated bluntly.

Her eyes flickered for a quick second before she brought her legs up, bent at the knees and feet flat on the bed. She slowly lowered her body and her hand crept  
down her stomach.

I watched her hand move beneath the waistband and she began to tentatively rub herself. I understood why, and I wasn't going to force her to be bolder about it.  
She'd never touched herself while I just sat and watched – I don't blame her for being self-conscious.

My own hand found its way into my pants, and I watched her through hooded eyes as I jerked myself slowly.

"Take the jersey off." My voice was husky. I let out a soft moan as I watched her sit up and take the jersey off. She moved to take off the pants. "No. Keep them  
on." I wanted to be the one to take those off. I motioned between her legs. "Keep going."

Her hand disappeared again, but this time, her movements weren't as timid. I watched as she bit her bottom lip and brought a hand up to her breasts, rolling one  
nipple, and then the other, between her fingers.

I teased the head of my cock with light touches and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from making any sound. I could come like this – _fuck_ – just like this. Just by watching her.

But I wouldn't. I was going to be inside of her when I came. I had to be.

I pushed my waistband down and tucked it under my balls as I pulled my dick out, drawing out a gasp from Bella. Her brows creased as she closed her eyes and  
worked her clit furiously. I alternated between squeezing and stroking myself slowly, watching Bella as she neared her climax.

"Stop." Her eyes snapped open, but did she stop or even so much as slow down? Of course not. I don't think she knew what I had in store for her. "I said _stop_!"  
She flinched and slowly withdrew her hand, her toes curling as she whimpered at the loss.

It took all my strength to let go of my cock – now fully swollen and red – and walk over to her. I straddled her waist and grabbed her hips in one quick motion. "When  
I fucking tell you to stop, you stop! When I tell you to do something – _anything_ – you do it. Do you understand?" I asked through clenched teeth.

She nodded slowly, staring at my dick, which lay heavy against her stomach.

"You're here for one reason only – to pleasure me. Not to get yourself off. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

I scooted up to her chest and tapped the head of my cock on her bottom lip. "Open."

I felt a movement behind me and heard her moan. I whipped my head around to see Bella touching herself, and _fuck me_ if that wasn't the sexiest thing ever. But I  
had to keep up the façade. I turned back toward her and reached a hand back to swat hers away – and she had the nerve to whimper. "What did I just say?" I slapped  
the inside of her thigh, and then slapped it again, harder, making her moan. "Tell me what I just fucking told you!"

She moaned before answering. "I'm not here to get myself off."

"What's your purpose here?"

"I'm here for you, sir. For you to do whatever you please."

I couldn't help but smirk at her answer. "Since you don't know how to follow rules, Isabella, I'm going to have to tie you up." I got off of her and tied her wrists to the  
headboard with minimal effort.

I held her forearms and looked down at her with a hard gaze. "If you come without permission, I swear to God I will leave you here like this, go home, just jerk myself  
off, and this will all be a wasted effort."

She nodded weakly and rubbed her legs together, trying to get some sort of friction.

"Stop it! Turn around."

She looked up at her bound wrists and I rolled my eyes before grabbing her sides and turning her around. I brought my hand down hard and slapped her bottom,  
surprising even myself with the sound of the smack. "You need to learn some damn control." I slapped her again, switching to the other cheek when her skin began  
to turn pink.

The harder my slaps became, the louder she moaned – but I would never come close to using all my strength.

I turned her back around and pulled down her pants before undressing myself. I straddled her chest again and took hold of my cock, the head purple and  
leaking. "Open," I rasped out. I didn't dare look up at her wrists – I'd come on the spot.

I prodded her plump lips apart with the head of my cock, nudging it between the soft, full flesh. I was met with a wall of teeth, and I swiped the tip across them all  
before pulling out. I slapped her cheek with my cock, leaving a trail of pre-cum on her skin. "I said open…your…fucking…mouth."

She parted her lips slightly, and I placed the tip of my cock in her mouth. She closed her mouth on me and suckled gently, making my hips buckle. _Holy mother of  
God_. I composed myself quickly and pulled back when she moved her head forward.

I shook my head. "Just the tip."

She opened her mouth willingly and I put the head in again, resting it against her tongue. I clenched all my muscles to keep my orgasm at bay while she sucked  
hard. I just about lost it when she flicked the tip of her tongue against me and pushed it against my slit. "Fu – _fuck_. Just like that."

I grabbed her hair with both hands and slid in slowly, careful not to gag her. She gazed up at me, and I couldn't help but groan at the emotion pouring out of her  
eyes. "You feel so good…so good…"

She moaned, and my hips bucked up from the force of the vibrations, causing her to gag. She tried to continue, but I pulled out, internally groaning at the loss of  
contact. I looked down at her worriedly and tilted her head up. "Shit, what the hell was that? Are you okay? I thought you were ready."

She'd never gagged before. Maybe I should stop. Maybe this was a mistake.

"I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

She rolled her eyes with a sigh. "I didn't say 'red'! Just give me your fucking cock!"

Alright, we're back on.

I grabbed her wrists with one hand. "That's enough. Shut your mouth. Now, as much as I'd love to continue fucking that pretty mouth of yours…" I ran my thumb  
over her lower lip before lowering my head to nibble on her neck. "…I have better plans for my dick…" I tweaked one of her nipples before bringing a hand down  
to finger her clit. "…and your pussy."

_Fuckkk_, she was sopping wet.

I smiled against her neck when I felt her struggling against the tie. I knew what she wanted, but I couldn't untie her just yet. This was too much fun.

I looked up at her with a smirk. "What's the matter?"

"_Please_…"

"Please, what?"

"Your…hair."

I nipped at her neck before licking the same spot. "Mmmm…what about it?"

"Let me…let me grab it. Please." She was writhing, grinding herself against my hand. It took everything in me not to rub myself against her thigh.

"Um…" I pulled back to look down at her. She looked up at me hopefully. "No." I dipped my head down and bit her bottom lip before kissing her hard. I slipped  
a finger into her, and then added another. She let out a guttural moan into my mouth, and I returned it with one of my own.

I added a third finger, pushing in and out of her pussy with vigor.

"Fuck! Oh…_shit_! More…harder!"

As sexy as she was when she cursed, I forced myself to stop. I pulled my fingers out at once and turned her around, slapping her ass hard. "Who gave you  
permission to fucking speak? Huh?" I slapped her again, harder. "_Who_?"

"N-no one, sir."

"Will you speak out of turn again?"

"No, sir."

"Are you sure?" I slapped her again, eliciting a moan from her perfect lips.

"Y-yes, sir."

"Good. Let me ask you something." I rubbed the pink skin under my hand before slapping her again. "Are you a good girl, Isabella?"

She writhed on the bed, stopping only when I grabbed her hips hard. "No, sir!"

I placed my middle finger at the top of her perfect ass, right between her cheeks. I traced the line slowly, all the way down to her dripping pussy.

Jesus _Christ_…fuck – had she gotten even wetter?

I played with her slit, moving further down to rub her clit in small circles. "And why is that, my beautiful girl?" I lay down on top of her, breathing in the scent  
of her hair before pushing it away with my nose and nibbling on her earlobe.

"Because, I – _Ungh_!" She pushed herself onto my finger, moaning out an unintelligible answer.

"Stay still!" I clutched at her hip with my free hand, digging into her skin with my nails. "Now, what was that?"

"Because I'm your slut, sir!"

Oh. My. _God_. My jaw dropped as I laid there. I quickly closed my mouth and composed myself. I felt like scum for thinking that was hot, but I couldn't help myself.

I sat up and slapped her ass one final time before turning her back around. "What color are we, Isabella?"

"We're green, sir."

I grabbed my weeping cock and rubbed it up and down her pussy, mixing our juices together.

She whimpered and writhed under me, pulling at the knot uselessly. I rubbed the head of my cock against her clit, making both of us moan in unison. The heat  
at the pit of my stomach was getting to be too much. I looked up at her when I heard her whimper, and let out a groan when I saw her biting her bottom lip,  
her brows furrowed.

I pulled my cock away and looked down as she lifted her hips to meet mine. "Beg for it. Beg for it like the fucking slut that you are." I looked up at her again,  
willing myself not to give in too easily.

"Please…_please_. I need you!" She looked so desperate. It took all my strength not to give her what she asked for.

I slapped her pussy with my cock, and she spread her legs even wider. "You can do better."

"_Unghhh_…please!" She looked…I don't know. I couldn't tell if the look on her face was frustration or desperation, but she looked…fucking _pissed_. "Fuck me! Please!  
I need your cock…please, sir…_please_."

_Fuck!_ Okay. I couldn't stand this anymore. "Fuck…look at you begging for it. You want it?" I prodded her clit with the head of my cock and rubbed it in circles.

"Yes!"

I kneeled over her body and pushed the head in slowly. I watched as her pussy stretched to fit around me, and stopped when I was half-way in. I had to take  
this slow – if I didn't pay attention, I'd come in less than a second.

"What are you _doinggg_? Faster!" Bella thrashed around, trying to take me in deeper.

I pulled out and looked up at her. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I slapped her thigh hard, and then gave it another blow. "I didn't give you permission to fucking  
speak! Maybe I'll just come in your mouth. Or, better yet…maybe I'll just come all over your tits…or your stomach. And you won't get off at all. Sound good?"

Sounded great to me.

She shook her head frantically, pleading with her eyes.

"Then keep your fucking mouth shut before I stuff my cock in there."

I plunged into her, spearing my cock in and out of her tight pussy. "Is this what you want?" She nodded quickly, thrusting her hips up each time I thrust  
down. "Answer me," I said through gritted teeth. I grabbed one of her calves and wrapped her leg around my waist to get in deeper.

"_Yes_! Keep going…_ungh_…sir…sir!"

"What…is…it?" I spoke between thrusts. I could barely think straight anymore.

"Please, may I…_Please_, may I come?" She whimpered.

"No! Not yet." I – shit, was she crying? It was too dim in the room to tell. I brought a hand up to her face and rubbed the pad of my thumb over her eyes. Dry. Thank _God_.

I thrust into her with fervor and brought a hand down to rub her clit.

"_Unghhhhh_…" I felt her clench around my cock. I laid my entire body, from my arms to my legs, over hers and buried my face in the crook of her neck. "Un_tie_ me! Edward!"

I turned my face to put her in her place, but my heart plunged into my stomach when I saw the troubled look on her face.

I slowed down my thrusts and lifted my head to look at her. I licked my lips before whispering, "What color are we?"

"We're – please, just let me touch you…"

"What…color?" I panted and slowed down even more.

"Red." She looked defeated and – even worse – disappointed.

My hands flew to her wrists, my cock slipping out with the quick movement. I untied the knot as quickly as I could and pulled her to me, cradling her in my  
arms as she straddled my lap and guided my dick back in. She moved against me slowly, cooing and moaning softly.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Never again." I kissed her cheek before moving down to her neck.

She ran her hands through my hair and kept them at the base of my neck, pulling at the small hairs there as she rocked herself back and forth. I moved  
with her, nearing the edge.

I couldn't believe I pushed her far enough for her to say 'red'. Never again will I do this. I actually made her uncomfortable. I went too far. I don't exactly know  
what I did wrong, but it doesn't matter. I'll never tie her up again.

She laid her cheek on my shoulder and panted in my ear, nearly sending me over the edge with the puffs of air. "Edward, I'm close," she mewled.

I felt her clench around my cock and looked down when she ran a hand across my abdomen and let it rest there. I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach as I  
pulled her in for a deep kiss.

"I am too, baby. It's fine. Let it…go."

Her jaw fell slack and I searched her face, a wasted effort. There wasn't enough light in the room to see any details, to look into her eyes.

"Bells…_I'm_ –" My words got caught in my throat and escaped as a groan. My balls felt as heavy as fucking boulders, and I was sure they were hard as  
rock. Oh – my _God_, I was gonna – "_Fuck_, I'm coming!"

"Edward!" Her pussy clamped down on my cock as she clawed at my back.

I let out a series of grunts as I felt my abdomen spasm and streams of cum shot through my cock, into her body.

"Bella…" I gasped unsteadily.

I pulled her down with me as I laid onto my back, my head almost hanging off the foot of the bed.

She placed a tender kiss on my chest and laid her head on my stomach. I lifted my head to look down at her as I ran a hand though her hair. "I'm so sorry."

She kissed my chest again, making my skin rise with goosebumps. "Don't be sorry. Please. No one has ever tied me up before." She rubbed my chest and  
brought her hand up to cradle my jaw. "I liked it."

I let out a small laugh and slapped her butt playfully, mumbling an apology when she hissed at what I assumed was the sting.

"You're the worst liar ever."

"I _did_. I liked it. I just wanted to touch you."

"Bella, the look on your face was…" I closed my eyes and willed the image out of my mind. "You looked…I don't know. Scared or something. And I saw it  
more than once."

"I…I just got freaked out."

"I know. I saw it."

"Is that why you kept stopping?"

"I thought you were hurting." Even after the fact, it killed me to think about it.

She laughed and I held her hips as her body shook against mine. "You didn't hit me _that_ hard."

"I don't mean physically." I ran a hand through her hair and kissed her gently. "Thank you so much."

"Thank _you_. That was amazing."

I don't know if she understood how much this meant to me – that she trusted me enough to let me experience this.

She rolled onto her back and we both gazed up at her white ceiling.

It seemed darker in the room. The sun must be setting. One of the few things I hated about winter – shorter days. Where had the day gone? All I'd done today  
was shovel Emily out of the snow and hang out in Bella's room. Then one thing led to another and...here we are.

I turned onto my side and propped my head up with my hand to look down at Bella. "We should shower."

She groaned as she looked up at me. "I don't think I can move. My whole body feels like jelly."

I grabbed her arm as she moved to pull the covers up. "Uh, excuse me, but if I'm naked, you don't get to cover up."

"Oh? Is that a new rule?"

I pretended to consider the question. "Yes. Yes it is."

She rolled her eyes and laughed as she lowered the covers, kicking them completely off the bed when they bunched up at our feet. I was completely talking  
out of my ass, and she knew it. I just didn't want her to cover up her body.

She turned onto her stomach and turned her head to the side to look down at my body. I followed her gaze to my cock, still at half mast, but no longer glistening  
with our fluids.

It twiched, subsequently making Bella laugh.

I smirked down at her with a cocked eyebrow. "Don't _laugh_. You call him pretty, small, and then laugh at him."

She looked up at me apologetically. I leaned down and kissed her forehead to let her know I was joking.

She smiled and looked back down at my crotch. "It's just funny when it moves on its own."

"It's because he likes you. He gets excited." When I was around Bella, it really didn't take much for me – or my dick – to get excited. "Watch."

I laid back. I clenched and relaxed my groin muscles, making my cock lift up an inch before falling back down against my thigh. Bella buried her face into her  
pillow and started cracking up, subsequently making me laugh.

"Do it again." I made it move a few more times, making her laugh even harder. "I know it's a muscle, but I've never seen a guy do that before! Is that what you  
were doing before?"

"No. What happened before was completely involuntary."

"One more time, one more time."

I did it again and slapped her butt before pulling her up. "Come on. Shower."

I tried to take a shower as quick as possible, because honestly, my legs were beyond tired.

Still, we both managed to come a second time. It began innocent enough, but one thing led to another, I ended up fingering her, came by rubbing against her  
hip, and needless to say, we were now both completely spent.

I turned to Bella as we got dressed in her room. "I'm gonna go home and rest for a bit. Do you wanna come?"

"Only if I can play XBox."

I feigned shock and let my pants drop to floor. I stared at her hard before picking my pants back up and flipping the light switch on.

"Are you trying to tell me that if I don't let you play XBox, you're not gonna come over?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

I feigned shock. "Is-a-_bella_! I feel _used_."

"You just had me tied to my own bed, and _you_ feel used?" She laughed and pulled her shirt on as I walked over to where she was sitting on the bed. I leaned  
down to take my jersey from the bed and stood back up quickly when Bella raised her head up.

"Whoa. Sorry, baby. I almost hit you." I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "What?" I asked as I put my jersey on.

"Nothing."

"Why are you turning red?"

Her hands flew up to her cheeks. "I'm not."

"Okay..." I gave her the side-eye and mentally replayed what happened, smirking when I realized why we'd almost banged heads. "Did you think I was going to kiss you...?"

"No." She turned beet red and started to get up.

I held her shoulders and pushed her back down.

I held her chin, noting how small it was in my hand, and rubbed the soft skin with my thumb before gently tilting her head up and leaning down to kiss  
her. I massaged her tongue with mine gently, moaning into her mouth at her sweet taste.

I pulled back to look at her and leaned back in when she opened her eyes with a sigh. I ran the tip of my tongue along her bottom lip before kissing her gingerly.

I pulled back and leaned in again.

And then again.

And again.

I would never tire of kissing her. Bella's kisses were like...my heart clenched at the thought. They were like my own drug.

I still couldn't believe I'd left her for four months. Fuck the chances of relapse. I wasn't going to be another statistic. I couldn't leave Bella again.

I pushed the thoughts from my head as best I could.

I cocked my head to the side and frowned down at her. "I'm sorry. Did you not want to kiss me?" I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from laughing at  
the look on her face.

"What? Why wouldn't I want to kiss you?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I'm really, really sorry. I just – next time, I'll kiss you only if you want to kiss me."

She narrowed her eyes at me when she realized what I was doing.

"You're not funny." She grabbed the collar of my jersey and pulled me down for another kiss before pulling me down on top of her.

Her hands crept under my waistband, and believe me when I tell you it took all my strength to stop her. "Baby, we can't. We don't have time." Not to  
mention, I was beyond tired and I'd probably fall asleep during dinner if I didn't get a chance to rest.

Bella was going to take me out tonight, and I intended on being awake.

I pulled her up and held her close to me. "Don't…_ever_…be embarrassed about wanting to kiss me. You think there's ever a time that I don't want to kiss you?  
You're crazy. I didn't know that was why you were raising your head, but that doesn't matter. If you want to kiss me, just grab me and kiss me." Why was I even  
telling her this? She knew this. I couldn't believe the same girl I just had tied to her own bed was now in front of me listening to me tell her that she didn't need  
my permission to kiss me.

I kissed her cheek before holding her hand and pulling her along. "Come on."

"Am I gonna get to play?"

I smiled at her as we walked down the stairs. "We'll see." Of course she'd get to play.

I smiled when I heard Connor barking as we approached the front door of my house. I opened the door slowly and he came running up to us, jumping up and  
down, almost knocking Bella to the ground when she bent down to take her shoes off.

She laughed and picked him up as we walked around the house to greet whoever was home. We found Emmett in his room, but everyone else was out.

Bella put Connor on the couch and turned on the XBox before getting settled next to Connor, who was taking up more than half the couch.

"Uh…?" I stood over them with my arms out, gesturing toward the lack of space on the couch.

"What?"

I cocked a brow at Bella. She was trying to hide a smile. She knew _what_.

"Where am I gonna lay down?" My bottom lip jutted out in an involuntary pout.

"I don't know. On one of the other couches?" I saw the smile threatening to pull at the corners of her mouth.

She was obviously joking around, which was completely fine with me. Two could play at this game.

"But I don't fit on those…" I was full on whining at this point. Right now, my only goal was to get Bella to invite me to lie down on the couch with her.

She moved her head from side to side, craning her neck to see the TV behind me. "Then go sleep in your room. Edward…I can't see!" She put the controller in  
her lap, crossed her arms, and gave me a stern look. I didn't budge. She rolled her eyes. "Ugh…Edward!"

I crossed my arms and stared down at her mockingly. "Ugh…Bella!" I mimicked.

I knew it would piss her off, just like it always did. That's what added to the fun.

"Stop!"

"Stop!"

"Ed_ward_."

"Bel_la_." I all but laughed at the look on her face. I couldn't help it. She looked adorable with her face scrunched up the way it was.

She put a hand on my hip and tried to push me to the side. A futile attempt.

I removed her hand and leaned down, placing my hands on the couch, on either side of her head. I held her gaze, making sure she didn't look anywhere but  
into my eyes.

"You're…in the way." Her voice faltered.

"I am?" I cocked my head to the side, feigning innocence as I straddled her lap.

She closed her eyes, and I smiled at the affect this had on her. "Yeah." Her breath fanned over my face.

"Bella." My voice was just above a whisper. I glanced over at Connor, who was staring at the front door, before looking back at Bella.

"Hm?"

I kissed the space just under her eye and placed a hand on her hip. "Open your eyes."

"Un-uh."

"Why not?" I moved my hand under her shirt and across her warm skin, letting it rest on her smooth stomach. I lowered my head and alternated between  
suckling and nipping at the skin behind her ear.

"I…can't." I dipped my fingertips into the waistband of her pants and rubbed the soft skin there. She laid her hand over mine but made no move to stop  
me. "Edward…no. Connor's here."

"You know he won't bark if we're not loud…" I dipped my fingers lower and – oh, my _fuck_ – she was already wet. Shit. This wasn't going as planned. "…and he  
doesn't pay attention, anyway."

Okay, I know. We shouldn't have sex when the dog is around. But when he's stuck in my room with us because my parents won't let him roam around the house  
when everyone's sleeping…we have no other choice. _Not having sex is not a choice._ Besides, like I said, he doesn't even pay attention – unless we get too loud  
for him. Then he starts barking at us. I think it's because he thinks we're hurting each other or something.

Bella let out a soft sigh, bringing me back to reality. I smiled against her sweet skin and suppressed a groan when she ran her nails through my hair, scratching my scalp.

I – fuck…fuck fuck…I had a goal. What was it? Think quickly, you idiot.

I felt the couch move as Connor stirred and the light bulb turned on in my otherwise empty head. "Baby…" I breathed into her skin.

"Yes, Edward…"

Oh, my _God_. Please don't say my name like that again. I can't handle another session right now. Especially in the living room. Especially on this cramped  
couch. And with Connor on the couch with us. And with Emmett right upstairs.

"Can I lie down? On this couch, I mean. With you." She didn't answer, so I pulled back to look at her. I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers, pulling  
away before it turned into anything more. "Please?" I pouted again, hoping she'd crack and give in. Sometimes it worked, but I guess sometimes I didn't do it  
right. At this point, I was so tired that _I_ was contemplating on giving in and just sleeping on one of the other couches.

"Of course." She nodded and patted Connor's behind. "Connor, baby, get up." She nudged him and he jumped off the couch and onto another one, burying  
his nose under his paws and closing his eyes.

I got settled on the couch and laid my head on Bella's lap as she picked the XBox controller back up. I tossed and turned a bit, trying to get comfortable, apologizing  
for getting in her way. I finally found a comfortable position, facing Bella, my hands tucked under my cheek.

I got a whiff of her sweet scent mixed with laundry detergent each time I breathed in. I watched her stomach move as she breathed, watched it twitch once in a  
while when she gasped at the TV screen.

"Edward."

"Yeah."

"Can we try it again? Another time?"_ Tap, tap, tap _against the controller's buttons.

"What?"

"Tying me up."

Fuck. What could I say? I didn't even want to _try_ it again, and she was ready to try again. _Just be honest. _"I don't really want to."

"Why?" She turned the controller left and right like it would help her with the game, and then yelled at the TV. "Crap, crap, crap. No!"

I laughed and looked up at her. "Real-life movements won't help control the game."

She nudged me with her elbow. "Shut up. You do it, too." She had a determined look on her face as she frantically pressed the buttons on the controller. She  
glanced down at me quickly before looking back at the TV. "So why can't we try it again?"

I turned my head back to the side and closed my eyes. "Because I don't want to. I like it when I'm in the moment, but afterwards…I don't know. I don't  
want to try it again."

She didn't say anything else, and I was glad that conversation was over.

I hadn't paid much attention to which game she was playing, but by the sounds of it, I guessed it was _Call of Duty_. Someone shouted, there were gun shots,  
and Bella groaned in frustration as she repeatedly tapped a button on the controller.

She sighed and laid a hand on my cheek as the sounds of gunfire subsided. "I'm sorry. You didn't have to do all that. I was going to let you lay down here, I swear.  
I was just joking around."

I turned to face her and kissed her palm. "I know, love." I turned back to my side, kissing her covered stomach and smiling as she giggled. She continued playing  
the game, and I stared at her stomach for what seemed like a long time. "Bells, what are you playing?"

"_Black Ops_."

I smiled at my correct guess, and at the fact that she went above and beyond the best girl I could ever ask to have. Not only did she not mind if I played video  
games, but she enjoyed playing them as well. Hell, she even bought me the system and the games.

"If I asked before you'd gone to rehab, would you have said yes to doing it again?"

I sighed, and suddenly I wished I'd gone to sleep upstairs. She was still thinking about the previous conversation.

"Probably. Yeah. I wouldn't have even fucked up this first time."

"You didn't fuck up."

"Whatever." Obviously I did fuck up. I couldn't even get through the thing without stopping every time Bella looked worried. Maybe she was never worried. Maybe  
she was just playing the part. "I'm not the way I was before. I know that. I'm trying to be, but I can't." I wasn't changing back to the way I was before I went to  
rehab, no matter how much time passed. "I'm boring, I know. Sorry."

She put the game on pause and looked down at me. "Edward, shut the hell up and stop having a pity party. You're not boring. Yeah, you're different, but I don't care.  
People change. That's life. If this is who you are now, then that's great. You're still as amazing as you were before. Maybe even a little more. I fell in love with you  
because you were Edward. You're still Edward. My Edwrd. Don't try to be someone else, even if it's your old self."

I didn't say a word.

She continued playing the game, and as much as I forced myself to go to sleep, I couldn't. I peeked up at Bella once in a while, and she caught my eye a few times.

She reached over to get something, and at once the sound of the soldiers shouting and the guns firing got cut off. I felt the silence of the muted volume of the  
TV wash over me.

The only noises I heard were my own breathing and the faint sound of music coming from Emmett's room.

Bella brought a hand down to play with my hair, and my eyes drooped closed.

"Thank you."

I vaguely heard her respond before drifting off to sleep.

I woke up to Bella stroking my hair and calling my name out softly.

I sat up and stretched before rubbing my eyes and looking at her. "Hi." My voice was hoarse, but it didn't matter. I didn't feel like talking anyway.

"Hey, sleepyhead." She giggled and stood up, pulling me up with her.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"An hour." She turned off the XBox, turned off the TV, and walked over to me. I turned my head to yawn and turned back to her, my vision blurred by tears. "I'm gonna go home and get ready. We have to leave in forty minutes."

I walked her to the door and kissed her goodbye before going upstairs to get ready. Connor was asleep in his bed in my room, so I crept around quietly. I really  
didn't want to wake him and hear him cry when I left.

I showered quickly and got ready. I dressed in a grey button-down shirt and black slacks. I didn't know where we were going, but Bella said to dress up. I told her  
not to bring me anywhere expensive, but Bella being Bella, she just rolled her eyes and sighed, ultimately making me shut my mouth.

I dried my hair with a towel and put a little bit of gel in it to...well, to hold the mess in place. I contemplated parting my hair to the side, but quickly squashed that  
idea. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It made me look like such a goody-goody.

So I just left it in its normal messy state, put on my pea coat and scarf, grabbed my stuff, and went downstairs to wait for Bella.

I played on my XBox for a few minutes, mainly because it was beckoning to me with its shiny, sexy white self.

I opened the door for Bella when she rang the bell and gave her a quick kiss before looking at her. She looked breathtaking. She had on a navy dress. Her hair  
was pin-straight and I was glad to see she hadn't taken the necklace off.

"Are you ready?"

"Yupp. Let's go." I stepped out, locked the door behind me, and followed Bella to her truck. "We're going by car?"

"Yeah."

I climbed in and turned to look at her as she turned the car on and pulled away from the curb.

She glanced at me before looking back at the road. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Do I have something on my face?"

She rubbed her cheek, and I reached over to take her hand. "No." It's perfect.

I looked at her hand in mine. No matter how many times I saw our fingers intertwined, I couldn't get over how delicate her hands were.

I kissed the top of her hand before she took it back to make a turn. "You're gonna get cold without a coat."

"I'm fine. We're going to be inside."

I sighed and looked back at the road. Wasted effort. No matter how hard I pressed the subject, she wasn't going to listen.

I looked back at a sign we passed, then at Bella. "Are you going through the tunnel?"

"Mhm."

"We're going to Jersey?"

"Yupp."

I turned off the radio when we drove into the Lincoln Tunnel. The static was beyond annoying. "Are we going to Hoboken?"

"Nope."

I felt kind of disappointed, only because I love Hoboken. I love going to New Jersey in general, but there was something about Hoboken that I especially  
loved. It might be that it reminds me of The Village and the area around NYU back home. There are restaurants and bars everywhere in Hoboken, but I don't  
know if sitting in a packed placed is in my best interest right now. It was getting easier to be around people, but I still felt uneasy. The only improvement was  
that it didn't get so bad that I had to leave and be by myself.

"Weehawken?"

"No," she laughed.

"Edgewater?" She kept quiet, which meant only one thing. I'd guessed correctly. I couldn't help the cheesy smile that formed. "So, where are we going? P. F. Chang's?"

"No. Stop guessing! It's supposed to be a surprise."

"Alright, alright." I laughed and sat back in my seat, watching the New York skyline across the Hudson River as we drove on River Road. I tried to think of all  
the restaurants in Edgewater and tried to guess which one we were going to. I gave up after a few minutes, because really, it was useless to try guessing without asking.

I loved being in Edgewater too, mainly because of the New York skyline and the places to eat. Also, I liked the fact that people didn't drive slow as fuck like they  
did in other states. People in Jersey knew how to drive aggressively, which was a plus for them when they came to New York. Bella was no Speed Racer, but she  
was pretty damn aggressive when it came to driving. I respected that more than she'd ever know. If you didn't drive aggressively in New York, you would – well,  
you'd probably get killed.

Bella said she liked Edgewater because there were so many places to shop, but really, Bella was in the mood to shop, like, twice a year.

We pulled into City Place, a shopping strip by the Hudson River. Bella immediately went to the garage level parking, not wasting any time looking for parking by  
the stores and restaurants. The place was always packed.

Bella shivered as soon as we got out of the car. My hand was at her elbow as we walked up the stairs to the shopping strip. They hadn't taken down the Christmas  
decorations yet, so the entire place looked like it was out of a movie scene. I looked around at the bare trees, their branches and trunks drenched in white Christmas lights.

Bella took my hand and led me across the street toward Fleming's Steakhouse. I stopped walking when I realized where she was leading me. We weren't going  
to eat there. It was expensive.

"Bella…"

She turned around and I almost flinched at the heated look she gave me. "Edward, no! I'm fucking taking you out to eat, and I can take you wherever I want  
to. And I want to go to Fleming's!"

Why was she acting so hostile today? "Is something bothering you?"

"Yeah. You." She grabbed my arms and pressed me up against the concrete wall by the entrance to the restaurant. "Edward, please. _Please_ don't make this  
difficult. We're only two people. It won't be too expensive."

I shrugged, not knowing what to say. "We could go to Outback. It's a nice steakhouse." Though it didn't even compare to Fleming's.

I knew it was a futile attempt to change her mind.

The look on her face confirmed that thought. "I didn't get dressed up to go to Outback. If you're gonna be this way the entire night, then I'll just take you back home."

I tried to hide my smirk. She looked too cute when she got worked up. "I…yeah, sure. That's fine."

She poked my chest with her finger and kept it there. "I hope you know that if I take you back right now, I'm not spending the night. I'm _not_ coming over."

I bit my bottom lip to keep it from quivering and tried not to lose my composure at the blow of her words. "Why not?"

"Because you're pissing me _off_. I always feel like I don't put as much into this relationship as you do, but that's because you don't let me fucking do anything  
for you. You don't accept anything I give you."

Her voice was low, but it didn't matter. She didn't need to yell it out. "I'm – I'm – I'm – Okay, we can go to Fleming's."

"Why? So I can spend the night?"

"No. Because I want to." She raised an eyebrow. "I want to eat here."

She looked at me skeptically, but I didn't know what else to say. I _did_ want to eat here. Please, God, just don't let her be mad at me. This wasn't the first time  
she'd gotten mad about this. I didn't mean anything bad by wanting her to save her money.

"I want to eat here." Repeating myself seemed useless, but it was all I could say.

She nodded and held my hand, pulling me along.

I pulled at her hand and she turned her head to look at me. "Tell me you love me."

She closed the distance between us and kissed me fully on the lips as I embraced her in my arms. No tongue, just her lips pressed against mine. She pulled awa  
to look at me and kissed me again before murmuring against my ear. "I love you. I always will."

I hugged her tighter. "I love you, too." I pulled back and looked at her, our breaths visible in the ice-cold air. I cradled her rosy cheek in my palm and rubbed  
my thumb over her reddened nose "You're freezing."

She took my hand and brought it down between us. "I'm fine."

The corners of my mouth pulled up in a small smile. "You look like Rudolph."

She looked really cute, but it definitely wasn't worth the expense of her health. I turned her around and wrapped my arms around her, covering as much of her  
body as possible as we walked toward the entrance of the restaurant.

Bella gave her name at the front desk and turned to me as we were led to our table. "It's packed."

"So?"

She looked at me worriedly as we were handed our menus, about to speak when the waiter asked for our drink orders.

Bella smiled up at him politely. "Hi. The…Silver Oak Alexander Valley, please."

"Excellent choice. I'll have it right out." The waiter beamed down at her, not so much as giving me a glance.

I watched him walk away and looked back at Bella. She looked so innocent and coy in the dim lighting, but oh, if everyone knew what a little sex kitten she could be.

I smiled at the thought and took a sip of my wine, locking eyes with Bella.

"It's good to see you smile. Especially after you almost murdered our poor waiter."

"What? No I didn't." I took another sip, trying to act nonchalant.

"Edward, if you could kill with your eyes, that man would've been a pile of dust by now."

The waiter came back with our red wine and filled my glass for me to taste-test. He didn't even see me tell him it was good. He just smiled at Bella as he filled  
both of our glasses.

"Well, if he kept his_ own_ eyes in their sockets, I wouldn't have a problem."

She let out a small laugh and opened her menu, ending the conversation. The only thing that made matters worse was that he was a handsome guy. Blue eyes,  
brown hair, tall, built. Almost every girl I knew would go for a man like that. Oh, and let's not forget that he has a deep voice, because apparently, girls love that shit.

Bella leaned in to me and whispered so only I could hear her. "Are you sure all these people aren't overwhelming you? _I_ even feel overwhelmed. There are so  
many people!"

"I'm fine. Really."

"We can go home."

I raised an eyebrow. _Now_ it was fine not to be at Fleming's? "No. I want to stay."

"I'll spend the night."

I would have laughed if the expression on her face wasn't so serious and…sad.

"That's not it, Bells. I really _do_ want to be here. I feel fine. I'm serious." I did feel overwhelmed, and I did wish the room was completely empty, but if I just  
focus on Bella, it's not so bad. If I focus on Bella, I don't feel like running out of the place.

Our waiter came back a few minutes later, and we ordered the Sweet Chili Calamari as our appetizer.

I looked at Bella's necklace as I filled our glasses with more wine. "I'm sorry I didn't get you something more substantial. I know you wouldn't have wanted  
something clunky, and this seemed delicate, so…I thought it suited you well." My voice died out at the end. I didn't even know what I was saying. Why was I  
apologizing? She clearly liked it.

She touched the pendant and her facial features softened. "Don't apologize. It's perfect, and I love it."

I smiled at her as our appetizer came, the smell wafting in the air and making my mouth water.

We ate in silence for a few minutes, and I made sure to keep my head down. I didn't want to acknowledge anyone else, and I didn't have Bella keeping me busy  
with conversation.

Bella didn't want to get full before her entrée arrived, so I ended up eating most of the calamari.

Our what's-his-name-waiter came back, and we both ordered steaks. Bella got a side of Fleming's Potatoes, thinly-sliced potatoes stacked on top of each other  
with cheese, jalapenos, and cream between each layer. I got a side of Chipotle Cheddar Mac and Cheese, which is pretty self-explanatory.

When our entrées arrived, I immediately eyed Bella's potatoes. "I'll trade half of my side for half of yours."

She held a hand out. "Deal."

We shook on it and traded sides. I ate the potatoes before touching anything else. I think my mouth just had an orgasm. My God, they were so fucking good.

Taking the Lord's name in vain popped a question into mind. "Bells."

"Yeah."

"Do you ever feel bad that you believe in God but you don't go to church every Sunday?" We attended church literally a total of two times every year.

She chewed on her piece of steak slowly. "Sometimes, yeah." She looked down at her plate before looking back up. "Do you?"

"Not really. But I question His existence. You don't." I wasn't trying to put her on the spot. I just wanted to know. "I mean…no one can prove He exists, but no  
one can prove that He doesn't exist. But…it's not possible to prove that He doesn't exist. It's not possible to prove a negative. So, then…I don't know." I cut a piece  
of steak and chewed it slowly, savoring the flavor.

"You can prove a negative. Nothing can be true and false at the same time. If something isn't true, then it's false. That _thing_ would be a negative."

"Okay…yeah. Could be." She had a point. "But you can't prove that something doesn't exist."

She considered this for a moment. "I guess you're right. No one can prove nothingness."

"Try to think of it."

"Of what?"

"Of nothingness. Try to think of nothing existing."

She took a sip of her wine. "Okay." She sat up straight and looked past me.

"You got it?"

"Yupp."

I smiled knowingly. "What are you thinking of?"

"Infinite white space."

My smile grew wider. That's what I'd thought of when I first tried to think of nothing. "White space is something."

Even in the dim lighting, I could see the red color stain her cheeks as she looked at me. "Oh. Yeah."

"Try to think of nothing. No white space, no black space. Nothing."

She closed her eyes, and after a few seconds, her brows furrowed. "Baby."

"Yeah." I let out a small laugh.

"My head hurts." She opened her eyes, took a bite of her potatoes, and washed them down with water.

I laughed wholeheartedly, the look on her face too much to take. "I know. Same thing happened to me. It's because it's not possible to do. The human mind  
can't grasp the concept of nothingness."

She kept quiet for a few minutes, probably trying to think of nothing.

I wanted to ask her about her belief in an afterlife, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew why she believed in an afterlife, and it made my heart ache to  
even think about it. She didn't like to think that her mom was completely gone, and if there is an afterlife, she'll get to see her again.

I didn't know whether to believe in an afterlife or not, just like I didn't know whether to believe in God or not.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I looked up from my plate.

"What are you thinking about?"

"God."

"What about Him?"

I let out a sigh and played with the corner of my napkin. "I feel bad about questioning His existence, but His existence goes against all logic."

Most people believed in a religion out of pure fright. They might say they believe in a god because they love that god, but ultimately, it's because they don't want  
to end up in Hell when they die. Religion helps keep people under control.

But, what if there is no Heaven and Hell? What if you die, and that's it?

"Bells, what if I end up in Hell?"

Concern splayed over her features as she put down her knife and fork. "What?"

But, what if there _is_ a Heaven and Hell? "You're gonna go to Heaven. What if I don't?"

"Don't say things like that."

I shrugged and look down at my plate. "It can happen."

"How are you so sure I'm gonna go to Heaven?"

I locked eyes with her. "Because you're an angel." She had such an amazing heart. If there is a Heaven, she has a front row ticket.

"I…thank you." She looked down, blushing. "But I'm not free of sin. I…curse. I've…had sex before marriage."

I let out a small laugh. I loved the fact that she considered those sins. I mean, they were. But those were so trivial compared to the things I've done. Oh, and  
those _seven deadly sins_. How could someone not carry out each of those sins every single day?

"You can try praying. It might help you believe. Or…not believe. Or…I don't know."

"I know what you're trying to say, don't worry. I'm just…confused. I just want to stop being caught in the middle. I want to strongly believe or not believe. And  
I did pray. Every day I was in rehab, I prayed."

"To get out?"

"No. I prayed for Him to let me see you. And in the end…I ended up being held there for an extra month."

"But your health was more important. We were going to reunite sooner or later."

"I know…" I let out a long sigh. "But at the time, I didn't care. Anyway, I've prayed other times. Just…randomly. Only to thank Him for giving you to me."

She sat silent for a few seconds, and I caught the sight of a tear glistening in the outer corner of her eye. She blinked it away.

I reached over and laid my hand on top of hers. "Bella?"

"Edward, I swear, there are no words to explain how adorable you are sometimes."

I sat back, smiling. "Same goes for you, Ms. Swan." I do pray once in a blue moon, but I feel like it's useless. If there is a God, and I don't pray every day, why  
would He listen to me? And on top of that, I question His existence. "This is what will happen. When I die, my spirit will rise, rise, rise. It'll get to the gates of  
Heaven, and then _bam_. The gates will shut closed and God will laugh and say, 'Edward Anthony Cullen? I think not.'"

I meant to make her laugh, but she looked as if she was in pain. "No, He won't. You're his child. He wouldn't turn you away."

I really wanted to believe that.

We got our dessert to go, because Bella was too full to eat anymore, and I was stuffed. I'd eaten more than half of the appetizer, my entree, and half of Bella's  
entree. I was going to tell her to finish her food because she needed to work on gaining more weight, but she would've called me 'Dad' so I just finished her food for her.

We got our dessert, Bella didn't so much as let me pay the tip, and we stepped out into the freezing air. I put my hands in my coat pockets and Bella slipped her  
arm through mine.

"You're so warm." She leaned into me.

"Yeah, they make these things called winter coats. They're made to keep people warm. You should try one on one day." I smirked down at her.

She bumped her hips into mine. "Shut up."

We took a few steps before Bella tugged at my arm.

I raised my eyebrows in silent question.

"Can we walk by the river?"

I looked out at the water, then across at the New York scene, and then back to Bella. "Sure." I took off my coat and held it out for her, happy when she thanked  
me instead of protesting.

She slipped her arms through the sleeves and buttoned up as we walked down and toward the river.

We walked slowly along the stone path, with benches and trees to our right and the Hudson River to our left.

I was glad the talk of religion was behind us, back in the restaurant.

"You're gonna be cold."

I looked down at Bella with a smile. "I have my scarf."

"You're too nice." She wrapped her arm around mine as we walked.

"Yeah? I've been told otherwise."

"That's not possible."

She had to be kidding. She knew the way I'd treated girls in the past. I mean, not my girlfriends, but just the one-timers. It wasn't that I was mean to them, but if I  
just want a fuck, that's all I want. Not a relationship. Plus, I tried not to have relationships with sluts, and that sluts were always the one-timers.

"It's possible. I've been mean to you."

"Yeah, but none of those moments count. That's just when we fight and stuff. And I'd rather fight with you every day than be with someone else."

I leaned down and kissed her, whimpering when she pulled away and led me toward the fence that overlooked the skyline. Specs of silver shone on the river under  
the moonlight. The water was splashing lightly against the boulders under the walkway.

Bella turned to face the city and I put my hands on the bar in front of us, on either side of her. We stood in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the crisp air and  
bright lights of the buildings across.

The Empire State Building, the Chrysler Building, The New Yorker building...the list went on and on and on. I felt a pang of pain in my chest when my eyes landed on  
the empty space between two buildings, the empty space where the Twin Towers used to stand tall and strong.

I slipped my hands in Bella's coat pockets, covering her hands with mine. I sighed into her hair. Warmth.

She shivered at the contact and leaned back against my chest.

"I'm sorry. My hands were cold."

"Warm them up."

"Good idea." I smiled as I guided her hand between her legs.

She gasped and moved our hands back when she realized what I was doing. "Edward..."

"Yes?"

She muttered something that sounded like a 'no.'

I let out a small laugh as I turned my head to look around. Not a person in sight. "Mmm...You don't sound convincing. And besides, I just want to warm up my hands."

"My dress will get wet."

"It'll dry." I stifled a laugh as I looked out across the water. I wasn't going to do it. I just wanted to see how far I could take this. "And nothing can be seen. Minimal  
movement, hands in pockets. A rub here, a rub there, bam, boom, you're done."

She giggled and moved our hands between her legs. This time, I was the one to stop us.

"No, no, baby. I was kidding." She was only doing it for me, but besides that, I wasn't in the mood to do something like that and ruin our nice night out.

I kissed her cheek before resting my chin on top of her head.

"Edward, if I ask you something, do you promise not to get mad?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No. One, I can't make that promise because if I do get mad, that promise is gonna go out the window. And two, if you have to ask me to make that promise, then  
chances are that I'll probably get mad."

I pulled the collar of the coat up to cover her neck from the chilly wind, my knuckles brushing against the back of her neck before I put my hands back in the coat pockets.

I rubbed her hands and intertwined our fingers. "Ask me."

"I'm scared."

"You weren't scared enough to menton it." I sighed and took my hands out of her pockets before turning her around and pulling her to me. I wrapped my arms around  
her waist and held her tightly. "Tell me. Please." I'd rather know what it is and get mad tha n never find out what she wanted to ask me.

I looked into her eyes, the chocolate color lighter than usual.

"If I..." She turned her head to the side and rested her cheek agains my chest. "If I cheated on you, would you leave me? I mean, like, if I slept with someone else..."

My body went stiff and my breathing picked up. I..._what_? I pulled back and stared at her. "Why would you ask me something like that?" She shrugged and began  
turning back around. I held her shoulders and made sure she looked at me. "Why, Bella?"

"I – I don't know. I was just curious."

"_Curious_? Don't ever fucking ask me something like that again." I forced myself to keep my voice calm, but some panic and anger seeped through. "What if I  
asked you that? Would you like it? What if I asked you what you would do if I relapsed? Would you like that?"

She said absolutely nothing. Whatever. I didn't expect her to say anything.

I did my breathing exercises as best I could, but I couldn't concentrate on my breathing.

She couldn't be cheating on me.

My stomach clenched at the thought. My heart felt as if it wasn't there, as if there was just a hole in my chest instead.

I couldn't take it. I clasped my hands together. "Bells, if you have something to tell me, _please_ tell me right now.

Her eyes grew wide. "No! No, no, no, no. I'm not – I don't have anything to tell you. I swear. I wouldn't even think of it." She wrapped her arms around my  
neck and hugged me tightly.

But she _did_ think of it. The question had to have come from somewhere.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in closer. We stood in silence for a while, until I finally found my voice.

"I wouldn't."

"What?" She was leaning against my chest, her voice muffled by my shirt.

"I wouldn't leave you. I couldn't." I don't know what I'd do without her, and it scared me to death to think that I was so dependent on just one person. But that  
person was my Bella, and I knew that no matter how big of a fight we got into, we'd always come back for each other.

She kissed my chest. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." I ran a hand through her hair. "But please, tell me why you asked."

"I figured me cheating on you would be the worst thing I could possibly do. And…if you wouldn't leave me for that, you won't leave me for anything."

I couldn't believe she still had doubts about me leaving her.

I put a hand on top of her head before letting it slide to the back of her head and pulling her in. I kissed her forehead before gently kissing her lips.

"I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

**Please review!**


	31. AN  IGNORE IF YOU READ CH 30

**A/N**

**Hey, guys. I think FF is messed up and you guys didn't get my update, so hopefully you get this update and know that I updated, because I know I haven't posted anything in a long time and I'm so sorry for that. The chapter I posted is Chapter 30 (the chapter before this AN.)**

**Thank you all so much for sticking with me for this long.**

**- JayBee**


	32. Stop Reading, Start Doing Pushups

**BPOV**

I woke up to Edward trailing kisses from my jaw down to my chin, and back up to my ear. "Bel_laaa_...baby, wake up," he crooned.

"Un-uh." I turned away from him and took the covers with me, snuggling into them.

It's Sunday.

I'd had a long week.

Conclusion: I'm sleeping in.

"It's moving day!" Edward whispered excitedly.

I suppressed a groan. There was that, too. Getting up meant moving. And I didn't want to move. Edward moved to get off the bed. I felt his presence next to the bed and peeked up at him before closing my eyes again.

He was already dressed in his grey cargo shorts and white wife beater. I thought I saw a curl in his hair and looked at him quickly to make sure. Yupp. A curl in the lock of hair he was twirling around his finger last night.

I heard him walk away and relaxed in bed, thinking about where winter had gone. It flew by in the blink of an eye, and the warm weather of spring was already here.

Edward became more outgoing over the past few months, and needless to say, I was relieved. I don't care if he's outgoing or not, but it killed me to see him hurting every time we went somewhere where there were a lot of people.

He seemed pretty happy most of the time – save stressing over his job – and if he was happy, I was happy.

I took him out two more times after our date at Fleming's, and to my surprise, he didn't complain too much either time.

Somewhere in the past few months, I'd suggested we push Edward's two beds together, and Edward suggested we _move in_ together. I don't know how, but he got me to agree with him, and here we were, months later, moving into a condo in Edgewater.

Shopping and eating in New Jersey was one thing. Living there was a whole other story.

I flinched at the feel of a wet sensation on my cheek and opened my eyes to see Connor lapping at my face. The muscles in Edward's arms bulged as they strained to hold Connor up.

I scowled at Edward as he laughed and put the dog down.

"Finally! You're up. Come on, get dressed." He tossed me my clothes from last night.

He left as I got dressed, and came back a few seconds later with a hair tie in one hand. I felt the familiar tingle travel down my spine as he worked his fingers through my hair to get the knots out. He tied my hair up as I finished zipping up my jeans.

I brought a hand up to the top of my head. A bun. Probably I looked like Don King when I'd gotten out of bed.

Edward kissed my forehead before turning around and going downstairs. I looked out the window to see everyone carrying boxes into the U-Haul truck.

I checked the time. 7:12. I looked back outside. Wow. I don't think I've ever seen Emmett up this early.

I shuffled into the bathroom to brush my teeth and contemplated going home to take a quick shower before lugging boxes into the truck.

I went downstairs and grabbed a box off the living room floor. Crap, that's freaking heavy. I put the box down and picked up a lighter one.

Everyone was hurrying this way and that. After giving the box to Em, I jogged up to my dad to take a box out of his arms as he walked out of our house.

"Thanks, Bells."

"No problem."

I gave Edward the box and went back into my house. I went upstairs and stared at the shower for a few seconds before turning to the door when Alice came in.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Debating on whether or not to take a shower. I feel so…grimy. But I don't have _time_," I whined.

She pulled me out of the bathroom and into my room. "You can take a shower in your beautiful new condo after all of this is over." She leaned down to pick up a box and I leaned down to pick up another.

I wasn't going to take a shower while everyone was running around helping Edward and I move everything. I just wanted to…I don't know. Take one last shower in my bathroom.

I looked out my bedroom window before walking down the hallway with Alice. "I know you don't want to hear this, but your brother is looking extra delicious today."

Alice snorted. "Probably because he's lifting stuff into the truck." She stopped short of the last step and turned around to look at me. "Wait. Which brother?"

I stared at her. "Not the one I'm in love with. The eighteen-year-old. I think your baby brother is delicious."

She laughed as we made our way out of the house and toward the truck. As handsome as Emmett was, I could never think of him as 'delicious'. He was my younger brother.

I waited behind Edward as he put his bedside table in the truck. I put my box net to the table and turned to him.

"This is the last of my stuff." He used his forearm to wipe the sweat off his forehead and squinted in the sun as he looked down at me with his hands on his hips. "Why do you look like someone ran over your cat?"

"I don't."

"Yeah, you do." He chucked me under the chin with his index finger. "Cheer up."

He jogged toward my house and I turned to look inside the truck. I never knew we had so much stuff. How did all of this fit into two rooms?

I moved out of the way when I heard someone running toward me and shrieked when I was swept off my feet.

"Edward!" He threw me over his shoulder and jogged to my house. I watched as Connor trailed at Edward's heels, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth as he panted. "Connor, help me!"

Connor did absolutely nothing. He looked up at me before looking back down at our feet and trailing behind us again.

Edward ran up the stairs and let me down when we were in my room.

"Do you not want to do this?"

"I do." I did. Once.

"Bells, you don't have to move."

"I want to." He was moving, so I was going to move, too.

"We'll still see each other if you stay here."

I stared at a black smear running the width of his shirt. "It won't be the same."

"You don't have to move with me. You can stay here until you're ready. I'll wait for you."

"No. I want to." What if he gets a new roommate by the time I'm ready?

He looked around the room before wiping the back of his hand across his forehead. "You sure? Because if I bring down all your furniture, I'm not carrying it back up."

"I'm positive." I looked away, hoping he didn't hear my voice falter.

He opened my bedroom window and yelled down to the front yard. "Hey, Em!"

"_What?"_

"Come up and help me bring down Bella's stuff!"

He closed the window and turned back to me. "This is it, babe."

"Okay." I didn't know what else to say. I grabbed another box and went downstairs, greeting Emmett on my way out the door.

I put the box in the truck and went back up to my room with Mr. Cullen right behind me. We dodged Edward and Emmett on the stairs, grabbed the last of the boxes, and made our way back to the truck.

We hurried over to Max's house, knocking on their door lightly and praying they were up at this hour. Mrs. Radkey opened the door with a smile, and Max came running after her.

Edward spoke first. "Mrs. Radkey, I'm so sorry. Did we wake you?"

"No, no. We were just watching cartoons. Would you like some breakfast to go? I'm going to make French toast."

Oh, my God. French toast sounded amazing.

"No, we're fine. Thank you, though." Damn it, Edward. I want French toast! "We just wanted to say goodbye and to thank you both for everything."

Max pushed his way to the front and looked up at us. "You're leaving already?"

"Yeah, buddy. But you can come over whenever you want to. And if your mom can't bring you over, Bella or I can always pick you up."

Max opened his arms and tried to hug Edward and I at the same time but his arms weren't long enough. Edward picked him up and he hugged Edward before reaching out to me. I took him in my arms and hugged him tightly before putting him down.

"Thank you both so much for everything. Max, say thank you."

"Thank you. Don't leave! Please!" He clasped his hands together and I almost kidnapped the kid on the spot. He was too adorable for words.

"Is Mr. Radkey home?" I asked.

Mrs. Radkey shook her head. "Business trip."

"Oh." Fucking his secretary.

We said our goodbyes and went back to the truck, just staring at our belongings in the big space.

My dad called Mr. Cullen over, and as I was about to turn around to look at them, Edward picked me up from behind and put me into the truck. "Maybe you can ride in here. You'll have fun. It'll be like a ride at the amusement park. Dodge the Flying Boxes."

I let out a small laugh and jumped off. I know he's trying to cheer me up, but I can't fake happiness. I gave Edward a quick kiss and walked over to my dad.

My dad gave me a tight hug and held on as he spoke.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, kiddo."

"I'm gonna miss you, too." I hugged him tighter. "Dad, I don't wanna go."

"Yes, you do, Bells. You have to move on. And later on, if you really feel like moving wasn't the right thing to do, you can come back. Your room will always be here."

"And my bed?"

"And your bed."

"Don't get a new one."

"I won't," he laughed.

Our bedrooms were going to be used as guest rooms, and neither of us was taking our beds to the condo. It would be pointless since we were going to buy a new bed tomorrow.

"I don't want to leave you here alone."

"I'll be fine."

I kissed him on the cheek and pulled away. I wasn't going to say bye to my dad.

I went to say goodbye to Edward's family as he came over to say goodbye to my dad. It broke my heart to see Mrs. Cullen crying, and I almost broke down in tears when I hugged her.

I picked Connor up and put him in the passenger's seat of my truck before walking over to the driver's side and getting in. Edward got in his car and Emmett got in the U-Haul truck.

Aaand we're off.

Aaand here come the waterworks.

I couldn't help it. The tears blurred my vision as I drove to my…house. Ugh. This place wasn't my home. New York was my home.

Forty minutes later, we parked in our spots in the parking lot and hauled everything up to the fourteenth floor. Thank God for elevators.

We all went out to get coffee, and Emmett hung out until the sun set. We basically just sat around and talked, because there was nothing to do in the condo.

No furniture, no TV, no computer. Nothing but kitchen appliances. But what good is an oven when you have no food to bake?

Edward and I walked Em back downstairs to say goodbye, and watched as he drove the U-Haul truck away.

Edward turned to me and I smiled up at him as my heart broke in two.

He put his arm around me and led me into the entrance door, greeting the man at the front desk before walking me into the elevator. He leaned against one side of the elevator and I leaned against the other. The entire elevator had an orange glow to it, and the sides were all made of mirrors.

He leaned his head back and looked at me through hooded eyes. "You're making me regret this, Bella."

"Why?"

"You look miserable."

"I'm not. I'm happy."

We waited in silence as the elevator reached our floor, and the doors pinged open.

We walked to our door slowly and Edward pushed it open, letting me walk in before following behind me.

I walked the length of the small foyer and looked at the bathroom and the flight of stairs to my left, and then at the kitchen to my right. I walked through the entrance of the kitchen and made a sharp left to leave through the other entrance and walk into the living room. I walked the length of the living room and out onto the balcony, looking across the long stretch of the parking lot and to the other buildings. I turned around and looked back into the house through the giant window. I watched Edward fiddle with the microwave in the kitchen before turning back around. I turned to my left and looked out onto River Road, the cars whizzing by well over the speed limit.

I turned to my right and looked out onto the Hudson River, then up at the New York skyline and the moon over the city.

As much as my heart ached when I saw New York, I couldn't bring myself to look away from the bright lights.

I heard the balcony door open, and Edward's arms wrapped around my waist. I leaned back into his warm body and he kissed the top of my head. "Thank you."

"For what?"

He hugged me tighter. "For coming here with me."

I ran my fingers over the soft skin of his arm. "Of course." As much as I didn't want to be here, I couldn't imagine being somewhere Edward wasn't. To me, that made no sense.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

"I kind of want to be alone for a bit."

"Oh. Okay." He let him arms drop to his sides.

I tried to ignore the ache in my heart when I heard the disappointment in his voice. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Will you be okay in the house if I go? I wanna take Connor with me."

"Yeah."

I saw them to the door and locked it before going upstairs. I looked into the first room, which would be the guest room. The second door revealed the bathroom, the third door was the linen closet, and the last door led me into our bedroom.

I walked into our bedroom and locked the door behind me. I looked into the adjoining bathroom and nodded in approval. All white. Prettier than I remembered it to be. I opened the box that was next to the sink and took out all of our toiletries. The bathroom had His and Her's sinks, a bathtub with massaging jets, and a stand-up shower with a clear glass door. Maybe I would just stay in this bathroom forever. I like it enough.

I put everything in their places and moved on to the bedroom. Two closets. Thank you, Jesus.

I put all my clothing away before putting all of Edward's things away.

I looked around at the remaining boxes and slumped down with my back against the wall. I tried to think of the advantages of living here.

I really like the bathroom in our bedroom. I like the fact that we each have our own closet. I like the beige carpet that runs through the entire house, save the bathrooms and kitchen. And...oh, I love the fact that we have a balcony.

I turned my head to look out the window. Three tall windows were right next to one another, making it seem as if it was one big window. We had a view of the river and the city, but I hadn't figured out if that was a good or bad thing yet.

I drew my knees up to my chest and laid my cheek down on my knees. I just want to go home.

I understood Edward's reasoning for wanting to live in Jersey. It was cheaper than living in New York, and close enough to the city that we could still go to work and see our family and friends.

I listened to the deafening silence for a few more minutes. Too quiet.

I wish I'd gone out with Edward.

But…no. I don't want to be with anyone. I just want to go home.

I looked up when I heard the front door open. I listened as Connor ran up the stairs and toward our bedroom door. He clawed at the bottom of the door and whined. My heart sank even deeper in my chest.

"Connor, baby, give me a minute."

He stopped for a few seconds as he listened to my voice, then continued scratching and whining.

_"Con, stop it."_ I heard his dog tag as Edward ged at his collar before trying to turn the door handle. He knocked lightly on the door. _"Bells?"_

"Yeah."

"_Can I come in?"_

"No." I tried to sound nice, but even to my own ears, I sounded like a bitch.

"_Bella, it's my room, too."_

"I know. I'm sorry."

"_Baby, please. Come out. I'll leave you alone, I promise. I won't talk." _I let out a long sigh. I didn't want him to stop talking to me. I just…didn't want to talk to anyone._ "I know you don't like change. It feels weird for me to be here, too." _He waited for a response and continued when he didn't get one._ "I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have asked you to move with me. I feel like going home, too." _So let's call the U-Haul people and move back. _"But we'll get used to this place. This is our home." _Connor began clawing at the bottom of the door again, and Edward pulled him away. _"Promise me you won't cry again."_

I felt my cheeks flare up. "I never cried."

"_Right, right. Your eyes were swollen and rimmed with pink because you _didn't_ cry in the car." _I heard the smile in his voice, and I couldn't help but smile in return. _"If I hear one sob, I don't care whether you want me to be in there or not. I'm breaking down this door and holding you until you stop. So, please, for the sake of this door, promise me you won't cry."_ I sat staring at the door for a minute, not sure of what to say. My chest felt tight, and I tried to focus and do the breathing exercises Edward had taught me. _"I love you."_

My breath came out in a rush. "I love you, too."

I heard Connor's dog tag and the shuffle of Edward's feet. It sounded as if he was standing. Had he been sitting?

"_Come on, Connor. She wants to be left alone."_

I wanted to open the door for Connor and give him a big hug, because it broke my heart even more that he didn't understand why I wanted to be alone for a little while. I wish I could explain it to him. The only things he knew were that something was wrong, and he couldn't make it better. The more I thought about it, the stronger the ache in my heart became. I just want to tell him I love him so much.

I heard the doorbell ring, and prayed to God it wasn't one of our neighbors. I wasn't in the mood to greet anyone right now, and I _definitely_ didn't want to meet anyone new.

A few minutes later, I heard someone coming back up the stairs with Connor.

_Knock, knock, knock. "Bells."_

I was relieved to hear Edward's voice. "Yeah."

"_I got pizzaaa…" _He said in a sing-song voice.

My stomach growled. Pizza sounded amazing. "I'm not really hungry."

"_And root beerrr…"_

"Are you lying?"

"_No, but if you don't come out soon there might be nothing to eat but an empty greasy pizza box. Con's been eyeing the thing since the delivery guy took it out of the insulated bag."_

"You wouldn't let him finish it."

"_I might."_

"You wouldn't."

"_I might."_

He wouldn't.

"_Are you coming out? It's nice and cheesyyy. And the other half is nice and pepperoni-yyy."_

"Maybe later." Pizza and root beer sounded _so_ good right now. But if I went out there, I would have to do this thing called dealing with life.

They walked back downstairs, and I lay down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling.

A long while later, another knock. I jumped, mainly because I didn't hear Connor coming up the stairs. _"Bella…"_

I sat up and quickly turned to the door. He sounded like a little child. He sounded pained. "Yeah?"

Silence.

"Edward?"

"_I'm lonely."_

_I almost broke down at the meek sound of his voice._

Arghhh! He's probably lonely because Connor fell asleep.

Well, maybe he wouldn't be so lonely if we didn't move across the river. I wish I'd slept in my own house more often. I wish I hadn't slept in Edward's bed every damn day.

I…shit. I tried to erase those thoughts as soon as they came to me. What heartless thoughts. Edward would never think that way if he was in my position.

I forced myself to stay seated. I wanted nothing more than to open the door and hug him as tight as possible. The pain he was feeling was evident. I don't know what I'd do if he ever locked me out. Probably sit in front of the door and cry.

I shook my head and breathed in and out heavily. Bad memories.

I stayed quiet, and let out a long breath when I heard Edward going down the stairs.

I couldn't do this. I'm sure Edward misses his home as much as I miss mine. It wasn't fair to stay cooped up in this room and just leave him out there by himself. I needed his comfort, and he needed mine.

It's true that I have no one here, but neither does he.

The only person we have is each other.

I tortured myself with more depressing thoughts for a little while longer, and realized I couldn't just stay in this room forever. I wanted to be with Edward.

And I could go for some pizza and soda.

I unlocked the door and stepped out slowly. The hallway was dimly lit by the light coming from downstairs..

I walked down the stairs and bent my head down to look into the living room.

Edward was sitting with his back against the wall next to the balcony door, one leg bent at the knee and the other leg extended out in front of him. He was reading _American Psycho_ for the umpteenth time, and Connor was sound asleep next to him. The pizza box was on Edward's other side, and I wondered idly if there were any slices in it.

Edward looked up from the book and smiled weakly as he put it aside.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Hey," he whispered.

He looked beyond tired, and it was obvious that he was struggling to keep his eyes open. I straddled his lap and kissed him softly. He kissed my neck, and I let out a series of sighs until he pulled away. I needed that.

His stomach growled and I giggled as rubbed small circles over his stomach. "Hungry again already?"

He flipped open the pizza box. "I didn't eat." I looked down at the pie. One slice was missing. I turned back to Edward with a raised brow. "Connor ate it." He smiled when my jaw dropped slightly. "I swear! I don't know where his food is, and I wasn't gonna let him sleep without having dinner."

I gave him another kiss and got off his lap. He tore the lid of the box off and we used it as a plate. I handed him a piece of pizza and took a piece for myself.

We ate in silence for a few minutes, both of us too hungry to do much else.

"Where's the root beer?"

"Oh, yeah. I lied about that."

I gasped dramatically. "Liar, liar. Pants on fire."

He shrugged. "Hey, it got you out of your cave."

"That's not why I got out." I smiled at him.

"Aw, thank you, baby." He leaned in to kiss me and I pulled back.

"I got out for the pizza." He pouted jokingly, and my insides turned into goo. "I'm just kidding. Get your ass over here." I curled my fingers around the collar of his shirt and pulled him in to kiss him deeply. He tasted like tomato sauce and Edward.

I pulled back panting, my head fuzzy.

I took another bite of my pizza and chewed slowly. "We should've gotten water or something when we went out earlier."

"Oh! I found a gallon of water in the fridge." He got up and padded over to the kitchen, coming back a few seconds later with the water.

"You randomly found a gallon of water in the fridge?"

"Uh huh." He pulled off the safety seal and popped the cap off.

"What if it's poisoned?"

"It was sealed." I watched as he chugged it down, gulping loudly in the process.

My tongue felt like sandpaper. "Edward, don't."

"Do you wanna go out to get something to drink?"

I shook my head frantically. I didn't want to leave the house. Except to go to work tomorrow morning. Going to work meant going to New York.

"Okay, then. This is all we have." He drank some more and handed the jug to me.

Water has never tasted so amazing in my entire life. I drank until I couldn't drink anymore, and gave the rest to Edward.

I'd had two slices of pizza, and Edward ate the rest. He put the empty box and water jug on the kitchen counter and shut off the living room lights when he got back. He took off his shorts and shirt before lying down on the carpet and pulling me down next to him. I shimmied off my jeans and tossed them to the side, the sound of them hitting the carpet lingering in the air.

And then the fear set in.

"Edward…"

"Hm?"

"I'm scared."

"Don't be. Everything will be fine." I looked up at him as he brought a hand up to play with his hair. Usually, I found it to be cute, but even _that_ looked weird.

"No. I'm scared of the dark."

"What? Since when? It's not even pitch black in here. There's light coming in from the window."

"Since now. The shadows are different here." Seriously, everything looked creepy as hell.

He laughed, and I almost hit him. "The shadows…" He laughed again, and this time, I hit his side.

"Stop laughing. I'm serious."

"So just close your eyes. Don't look at the shadows."

"Then I see the room in my mind. This room is too spacious. Edward, it's seriously freaking me out." I was genuinely scared, and I had to consciously tell myself to keep calm.

"Remember that show _Are You Afraid of the Dark?_"

"Yeah. Stop it." I was going to kill him if he kept this up.

"Remember the episode when the girl goes into a house, but it's really a dollhouse or something, and then she turns into a porcelain doll?"

"Edward, please. I'm begging you!" I rolled onto my side and buried my face in his chest. That girl was so fucking eerie.

"What? That wasn't even scary. It was funny. Her hand fell off when she was a doll and she just stuck it in her pocket. Who does that?" He was laughing again, more quietly this time. "Babe, just close your eyes. Nothing's gonna happen to you. I promise."

I threw my leg over his body and curled my body around his. I forced myself to keep my eyes closed. "Good night."

He kissed the top of my head. "Good night."

I breathed in his familiar scent and felt more at ease. I just focused on Edward until the fear subsided.

Maybe living here wouldn't be so bad. Especially if it meant we could whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted to do it.

Like eat pizza and fall asleep on the living room floor in our underwear.

* * *

**Ahhh! Sorry, I know this chapter was short. Also, I'm going to be moving the story along a lot quicker from now on.**

**Review, please! It makes my day.**


	33. No Hardcore Dancing In the Living Room

**BPOV**

"Wait, wait!" I panted as I grabbed my hip. "I have a cramp."

Edward stopped when he realized I wasn't jogging beside him and jogged back to where I was. "Just run it off. Come on." I guess I should follow him, because he continued jogging and didn't look back.

I looked up at the sun before looking out at the river and the skyline. I was momentarily blinded and blinked away the glare of the sun. I caught up to Edward, out of breath and in dire need of a break. "Can we…stop?"

"No. Come _on_." He tapped my back with his fingers. "Stand up straight. And don't gulp in air. In through your nose, out through your mouth."

Geez. Richard Simmons over here. "Let's…slow…down."

"We're jogging. Any slower and we'd be walking."

How could he look this graceful while running? And how was it possible that he wasn't out of breath? We'd been jogging for thirty minutes already.

"Walking is good."

"No. We agreed to go jogging together."

"Remind me…again…why I came with you?" I wiped the sweat off my forehead and looked at the sheen of sweat on Edward's face. He glanced at me sideways as I looked down at his bare upper body. Shit. He looked _good_.

"Because exercise is good for you. You're in good enough shape to be pushed this far. And stop talking."

"I know, I know," I grumbled.

Your fourth grade gym teacher tells you that talking while running wastes energy, and your boyfriend makes sure you remember it for life.

Thank you, Lord and all that is holy. We were approaching a bench, and I decided it would be best if I sat down before I died.

Edward looked at me incredulously. "Bella! Come on. Just a little more."

"I want a donut."

He looked out into the distance before looking back at me, breathing heavily, hands on his hips. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He nodded, sweat dripping off his face. "Okay. Let's go." He extended his hand to help me up.

_Yesss. _A strawberry frosted donut was calling my name.

"Are they gonna let you in without a shirt?"

Edward shrugged. "Whatever. What are they gonna do, kick out a paying customer?" We walked toward Dunkin Donuts in silence for a few minutes before Edward let out a small laugh.

I squinted into the sun as I looked up at him. "What?"

"You're the only person I know that would work out so hard and then ruin the workout with junk food right after."

"It's a reward."

"Reward yourself with an apple."

"Um…no. An apple isn't a reward. You know what_ is_ a reward?"

"Sex?"

I shoved him playfully. "No! A donut." I wiped my hand on his shorts. "Ew."

"Ew? _Ew_?" He opened his eyes wide and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me.

"Edward! Ew!" My cheek was pressed against his wet chest, and I tried to stand as still as possible to keep from spreading the sweat around my face. Ew, ew, ew.

He let me go and continued walking. He smiled at me as I walked with my arms out in front of me. "You don't complain about the sweat when I come back from the gym and you're in the mood."

I felt my cheeks flare. Must be the summer heat. "I'm not in the mood right now."

"Mmm…It seems like you are." He brushed my cheek with the tip of his index finger and laughed when the blush on my cheeks deepened. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Cutie pie. I love you."

I tried to breathe through the fluttering in my stomach. "I love you, too."

Fifteen minutes later, we were ordering four donuts, Edward's coffee and my iced tea. We ate and drank as we walked back home.

I bumped hips with Edward as I took a bite of my donut. "Are all four donuts for me?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna eat all of these by yourself?"

"I could." And then I'd probably throw up on the sidewalk.

"Well, tough luck. We're splitting them."

"What happened to not eating junk food right after a workout?"

"Yeah, well, that's why we're together."

"Because we eat junk food at the wrong times?"

"Because we both know there's no such thing as a 'wrong time' to eat junk food."

I fed him a piece of donut and wiped the icing off the corner of his mouth as he chewed.

It took us a while to get home, and the air conditioned air of the lobby felt amazing against my skin once we walked into the building. Edward leaned against one of the mirrored walls of the elevator and stood up with a hiss.

"That's fucking cold…" he mumbled. He turned to look at the mirror as if it had done something to him, and I couldn't help but laugh. He looked at me through the mirror before turning back around. "What are you laughing at?"

He closed the short space between us and held my arms at my sides as he kissed me fully on the lips.

I got on my toes to prolong the kiss and pouted when he pulled away.

I followed him out of the elevator and collapsed on one of the overstuffed dark brown leather couches.

Edward plopped down next to me, and I sidled up to him. I rubbed his stomach when he shivered, though I don't think that did anything to warm him up.

His skin was warm as always, and a few shades darker than usual because of his summer tan.

He put an arm around me and rubbed my shoulder, making me hiss in pain. _Crap_. Sunburn.

He pulled his arm back and leaned forward to look at my shoulder. "Shit…" He looked up at me. "Does it hurt a lot?"

I looked at the pink skin and pressed a finger to it, digging it in before pulling my hand back with a gasp. "Yeah. When I do that."

"Then don't do that," he chuckled. "I'll be right back." He kissed my forehead before running upstairs.

Edward came back with a bottle of aloe vera lotion and squeezed some out onto my shoulder. He rubbed it in gently, and I lolled my head to the side to give him more space. He squeezed some more into his hand and rubbed it in.

He looked up at me when I let out a long sigh. "Feel good?"

"Yeah. Soothing."

"Good." He put some on the skin right behind my shoulder and got up to check at my other shoulder. "The other one looks fine but let's put a little bit on it just in case."

I watched his muscles ripple under his skin as he moved to my other side. Though the skin there was fine, he applied the lotion just as gently as he had before.

Every year, the same thing happened. I got burned while Edward's skin turned a golden color and the natural highlights in his hair became more prominent. If you didn't think Edward could any sexier, you were in for a treat when summer rolled around.

I just didn't think I'd get sunburn from jogging. Must be why people use special sport sunblock.

Edward stepped in front of me and dabbed some lotion onto my cheeks and nose before rubbing it in. "Does your skin sting?"

"Just my shoulder."

"Your face got burned, too." He smiled down at me. "Your freckles are starting to show."

"Ugh, no…" I brought my hands up to my cheeks, feeling the heated skin under the palms of my hands. Summer also meant freckles…which meant blotchy cheeks and nose.

"Oh, yes, yes, yes." Edward brought my hands down and laced our fingers together. "I love your freckles. Just when I think you can't get any cuter…"

He leaned down and kissed my forehead before slowly kissing down the side of my face, along my jaw, and finally my lips.

He nipped at my lower lip and I captured his lips in mine, trying to deepen the kiss and whimpering when he pulled away. "Lay down…" His hand was on the small of my back as he guided me down onto the couch and laid his body over mine. "Is your shoulder okay?"

I nodded slowly as he lowered his mouth and licked the outer shell of my ear. "Beautiful."

I felt my heart swell with affection. "I love you," I blurted out.

"God, baby, I love you, too. So much. Always."

He kissed my neck before biting the skin there. I couldn't contain the moan that escaped my lips as I wove my fingers in his hair.

Edward moaned into my mouth as he slipped a leg between my thighs and ground his hips into mine. The thin material of our shorts did little to work as barriers, and I felt a familiar spark in the pit of my stomach when I realized Edward might not be wearing any underwear.

I whimpered uncontrollably when I felt the head of his cock brush against my clit. "Edward…Edward!" I ground my hips against his, my hips moving on their own accord.

He moved a hand down between us and slipped it into my shorts. I looked into the pool of green in his eyes, the color that of a dark forest rather than an emerald. I looked down to see the light trail of hair leading to what I wanted most. The hair leading down to his cock had turned from light brown to completely blonde from the many times Edward had gone out shirtless in the sun.

My heart rate picked up instantly when Edward pressed a finger against my clit and rubbed small circles on top of the bundle of nerves. "_Ungh_…more! Edward, please…_please!_" I brought a hand down to the hem of his shorts, only to have him push my hands away.

"Patience is a virtue…"

"Fucking your girlfriend is a virtue!"

Edward's eyes opened in surprise and he slowly slid down my body, taking my shorts along with him. He tossed my shorts onto the ground and got settled between my legs, slowly lowering his mouth to nibble on the inside of one thigh, and then the other. I ground my hips down toward him and elicited a guttural moan.

"Baby, please…no teasing. Please, Edward."

He looked up when my voice cracked at the mention of his name. Okay, fine. Yes, I was about to fucking cry with the need I had for him.

He lowered his head and licked up my slit with the flat of his tongue. I saw black dots dancing in front of my eyes, and closed them tightly before letting out a series of moans.

My hands found their way into his hair, and I tugged hard, opening my eyes when he pulled back and let out a deep grunt. He looked up at me, his head pulled back and his mouth slacked open.

_Fuck me_ if that wasn't the hottest sight.

He licked my juices off his lips and pulled his head out of my grasp. He lowered his head again, and I ground my hips own onto his face as he flicked the tip of his tongue back and forth over my clit. His hands crept up my body and under my shirt. They found their way under my sports bra and tweaked and rolled my nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

I arched my back and tugged at his hair, which drew out a series of moans from him. I felt the knot in my stomach ready to snap when he stopped.

Edward lifted his head and I pushed at his shoulders. "Go back…go _back!_"

He chuckled and licked his lips before trailing his lips along my jaw. "I wanna be inside you."

I nodded as my hands flew to his shorts and I pushed them down. He sat up, pushed them the rest of the way down, and tossed them on the floor.

I watched his cock bob around as he got settled, and I almost screamed in anticipation. He positioned himself at my entrance and looked up at me when I cradled his face in my palms.

"What's wrong?"

"I want you," I said quietly.

"Baby, you have me."

"No…" I shook my head. "In my mouth."

"Bells, I was disgusting and sweaty not thirty minutes ago. Trust me, you don't want to taste that."

"I was sweaty, too."

"Yes, but that made no difference. You still tasted like your delicious self."

He rubbed the tip of his cock along my slit, and we moaned in unison at the contact. I waited for him to enter me. And waited…and waited. I was going to explode with desire. I couldn't fucking take this anymore!

I grabbed Edward's hair and pulled him down to me. "Stop teasing…and _fuck me_."

"Oh, fuck…" He plunged into me, taking my hand out of his hair and bringing my hands up above my head.

A guttural sound made its way through my mouth, and my eyes all but rolled back in my head at the pleasure of being plowed into the couch by Edward.

"Is this what you wanted? Huh?" He was spearing in and out of me, and I looked down to see where we were joined. I whimpered at the sight, and forced myself not to look at his tan lines. I looked up at him, into his eyes, and _fuck_, that was a mistake as well. How did he still have this effect over me?

They're just eyes!

_No, you fucking idiot. They're not just eyes._

"Answer me, Isabella," he said through clenched teeth.

Oh, shit… "Yes…yes!" I felt it. The clenching in my stomach. The knot was getting tighter and tighter. I couldn't – _fucking hell!_ I turned my head to the side and whimpered into the couch cushion."I'm gonna come!"

"Oh, God…_fuck!_ Bella! Bella!"

I felt Edward's cock swell inside me as he thrust in and out, his hips jerking sporadically. He let go of my hands and grabbed the arm rest, nuzzling my neck. "Baby…baby…" he panted against my skin. "Jesus Christ…fuck…milk my cock…" A guttural moan escaped his lips, and that did me in.

My inner walls clenched around him, and I grabbed at the hairs at the base of his neck. "_Edward!_"

I felt the knot in my stomach come undone and my hips jerked up as I rode out the waves of my orgasm.

Edward continued thrusting and whispered absolutely nothing and almost everything all at the same time in my ear.

"Shit…so wet…fuck, Bells!" he ground out through clenched teeth. He was panting harshly, and I couldn't help the impending heat I felt in the pit of my stomach. "_Oh, God!_ You're so…fucking…tight. Tight…pink…fuck, I love your pussy." His eyes were shut tight and a series of grunts escaped his mouth. "Beautif–" His words got caught in his throat as he opened his mouth in a silent moan, looking pained. "I love…you. I love you. Always. I've always loved…we were – _ungh!_ – we were nine…I loved you…Bel_la_…" He whimpered before his body went completely still. I felt his cock twitch a couple of times inside of me before he emptied himself into my body.

I followed right after with another orgasm, trying my best to ignore the lump in my throat as Edward leaned down to kissed my forehead. "I love you so much, Bells."

"I love you, too." I ran my hands through his damp hair. My heart felt as if it was going to burst through my chest with emotion. I had so many things to ask. I didn't even know where to begin.

Edward pushed himself off me and sat back. "We need to take a shower."

"We need to _talk_."

"About?"

I had no idea how to word my question, so I just said the first thing that came to mind. "Edward…since we were _nine? _You've been in love with me since we were nine?"

He ran his hands over his face. "That slipped out."

"What you mean, that slipped out?"

"Can we talk about this later?"

"No. Now."

He stood up and picked our clothing up off the floor. "Let me at least take a shower first." He walked up the stairs slowly, and I followed behind, staring helplessly at Edward's perfect butt.

He turned his head as he continued walking up. "You're not gonna try to talk about this in the shower, are you?"

"No." Maybe.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." No.

We made our way into our bedroom and he turned around as soon as he got into the doorway of our bathroom. He leaned against the doorjamb and extended his arm, blocking the doorway. "No entry without a kiss."

He smirked that delicious smirk and my insides turned to goo as I leaned up to kiss him.

"And promise me you'll let me shower in peace. No mentioning what was brought up downstairs."

"I promise." Just get in the shower with me! I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the bathroom, tested the shower's water, and got in.

For the majority of the shower, Edward leaned against the wall and wrapped his arms around me as I leaned with my back against his chest. We stood in comfortable silence, the only sound the pitter-patter of the water hitting the floor.

We washed ourselves, got dressed, and went downstairs to the kitchen.

I sat the table with my head resting against my hand, following the pattern of the tablecloth with my eyes.

"You want a PB & J sandwich?"

I looked up at Edward before looking back down at the tablecloth. "Yeah, sure."

He made me one sandwich, and himself two. He put our plates on the table and I picked at the crust of my bread as he set down two glasses of apple juice.

I looked up at him. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I did. Last year. I told you I might have been in love with you before I even realized it."

"_Might have been_ and _I've loved you since I was nine_ are completely different things. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Like, I don't know, when we were ten?"

"I don't think I even knew what was going on back then. Even now, it feels weird to think about it. I mean, how could I be in love at the age of nine? I was too young to even know what love was. All I knew was that whenever I saw you or thought about you, I would get a weird feeling. I didn't know what the feeling was, but I liked it, and no one else ever gave me the same feeling. And then…I don't know. The older we got, the stronger the feeling got, and I tried to tell myself that it was just because I loved you – as my best friend, I mean – but obviously it was more than that."

He was talking to his plate, so I reached over and pulled his chin up. "Is the feeling deep in the pit of your stomach?"

He gave a small nod as he held my gaze. "Even now, I feel it. Sometimes it becomes so strong that I can hardly stand it."

"When we're making love."

"Yeah."

I sat back and smiled, because I felt it, too. I always felt it, even if I so much as thought about Edward. I felt it when we were younger as well, but I didn't think of it as being in love with him until this moment. I mean, who falls in love when they're nine?

The two of us, I guess.

"I love you."

He smiled at me. "I love you, too. Always." He cleared the table and placed a kiss to the top of my head before washing the dishes. I watched Edward as I thought about all the crap we'd been through throughout the years.

_Please, God, watch over Edward. He believes in you, I know he does. He just needs someone to push him to believe at times. Please bless him with all that you can, and most importantly, don't lead him into temptation._

I hated thinking about him being pulled into drugs again, but I always had to keep praying. If I stopped praying, he might be tempted. I don't think I could go through all that again.

We didn't speak about that, though. I never brought up his past addiction, and neither did Edward. It had been a little over a year since he'd gone to rehab, and he'd talked about it enough after he got released.

He turned his head back to look at me. "Your phone is ringing."

I ran upstairs and grabbed my phone off my nightstand. _212-555-8370_. "Hello?"

"Bells?"

My heart skipped a beat. "Jacob?"

"Yeah, it's me. What's up? How are you?"

I heard the smile in his voice, and tried not to grimace. "Good."

"I heard you moved into a place of your own."

"Yeah." Four months ago.

"That's good."

"Yeah."

"Are you busy?"

Uh-oh. "No."

"Do you wanna hang out?"

What the hell? I haven't seen this kid in God knows how long and he wants to hang out? "Yeah, sure." Smooth, Bella.

"I can pick you up in an hour. Is that okay? We can go get coffee."

"Yeah."

"Just text me your address."

"Okay."

"Great. See you in a little bit."

"Bye."

"Bye, Bells."

I hung up and stared at the phone. Crap. Shit. Fuck. _Fuck!_

I sent him the address, put some more lotion on my shoulder and face, changed into denim shorts and a tank top, grabbed my phone and some money, and made my way downstairs.

Edward was sitting on the couch playing Xbox, and Connor was lying down by his feet. Edward looked up before going back to his game. "Going somewhere?"

"In a little bit, yeah." I was frozen in place. I was scared shitless.

"Yeah? With Jacob?"

Shit! He'd heard. Maybe I could make him believe that I was going out with Alice.

Yeah, right. He'd see right through the lie. And even if he did believe me, I'd live the rest of my life in guilt.

I couldn't answer Edward. I just wanted to call Jacob back and tell him I couldn't hang out.

But I wanted to see him. I felt guilty for even thinking about seeing him, but I wanted to.

Edward put the game on pause and crooked a finger at me, silently telling me to go over to him. I walked slowly, because honestly, I wasn't in a hurry to get into an argument right now.

I stood between his legs, and he let his hands rest on my hips as he looked up at me.

"I don't want you hanging out with him," he said softly.

"I know."

"But you're still going."

"I…know."

"Please don't go, Bells."

I ran a hand through his hair. "I want to."

"But, why? I don't get it. He always messes up. He makes you mad. And you still go back…every single time."

I shrugged. "You mess up and make me mad. I mess up and make you mad. And we still go back to each other." He narrowed his eyes and dropped his hands. I immediately wanted to take back what I'd said. I didn't want to compare him to Jacob in any way. "I didn't mean it that way. What I have with you is nothing compared to what I've ever had with anyone."

He rested his forehead against my torso. "I don't like the way he looks at you."

"How does he look at me?"

"The same way I do." I laid my hands on the nape of his neck, playing with the small hairs there. "You're breaking my heart," he mumbled into my shirt.

"Don't say that."

He looked up at me through his lashes. "Is he picking you up?"

"Yeah."

"Will you be back in time for dinner? I'm gonna make you something yummy."

I let out a small laugh. "Yeah. We're just gonna go get some coffee."

"Can we paint the guest room a mint green color next week?"

I laughed at the sudden change of topics. "Yeah. Why mint green?"

He sat back and shrugged before putting his hands back on my hips. "It's a neutral color for guests."

I raised a brow. I knew what he was getting at. "A neutral color for _guests_ or a neutral color for a _baby_?"

He pulled me down on top of him and kissed my neck. "Either one. I like the baby idea more." He lifted my shirt a bit and kissed my belly, smiling at blush that spread across my cheeks before standing up and walking over to the kitchen. "Be careful with him today, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm serious, Bella." He took a beer out of the fridge and held it up. "Do you want one?"

"No, thanks." I sat on the couch and waited for him to sit next to me. I watched him play his game until Jacob arrived. Edward was on his feet when the bell rang, and I stood quickly to pull him back. "Let me answer it."

I opened the door slowly and smiled when I saw Jacob. He was dressed in a black t-shirt, black cargo shorts, and black flip-flops.

"Hey, Bells." He smiled, hands in his pockets.

"Hey!" I smiled back, and stiffened when I felt Edward's body against my back.

Edward held my arm and pulled me back into the house as he looked out at Jacob. "Give us a sec."

He shut the door and looked at me, eyes wide. "You_ like_ him," he said incredulously.

"Yeah."

"As more than a friend." It wasn't a question. He was sure of it.

I shook my head. "No."

"You let him call you Bells!"

"Shhh! Stop yelling. I told him not to call me that but he didn't listen."

His jaw clenched tight. "I'll make him listen."

I rolled my eyes, but really, I was afraid he might be serious. "So what if he calls me that?" Ashley called him nicknames I wasn't allowed to call him, and the only reason was because she didn't listen to him when he told her not to.

"What do you mean, _so what?_ I'm the only one who calls you that." He dropped his voice. "Does he give you the feeling, too?"

I almost laughed at how ridiculous he was acting. "No. I told you, you're the only one who does."

"I was also the only one who called you Bells."

"Not true. My dad calls me Bells."

"He doesn't count."

"Ashley got to give you stupid nicknames when I wasn't allowed to!"

"Christ, is that what this is about? That was forever ago!"

I glared at him. "No it wasn't."

"He's trying to break us up!"

"People have been trying to break us up since the day we met."

"Whatever. Go have fun."

I opened the door only to have Edward push it closed. I look at him questioningly, my blood boiling. "_What?_"

He pinned me against the wall and kissed me softly. His tongue touched mine as he ran a hand through my hair, and everything was okay again. I didn't want to go out with Jacob anymore. I wanted to stay pinned against this wall and kiss Edward for the rest of the day. And then maybe we could go upstairs.

He pulled back and looked down at my lips before looking into my eyes. "Please don't kiss him. Please."

I nodded, not able to form words yet.

"I know you like him."

I nodded again, because yeah, maybe I did. That would explain why I wanted to see him.

He trailed a finger down the side of my cheek. "But please don't kiss him."

"I'm not going to, Edward. Maybe I'm attracted to him, but I'm in love with _you_. I come home to _you_ every night, and I go to sleep next _you_."

He gave me a final kiss before I opened the door and stepped out. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Jacob smiled and walked behind me as we made our way into the elevator.

We got into his truck and made our way over to Starbucks.

He opened the car door for me when we got there, and held the Starbucks door open as well. Gentleman.

He raised a brow and smiled when he saw my shoulder. "Did you go to the beach? You're so red."

I laughed as we sat down with our drinks. "I went running with Edward this morning and got burned."

"Edward."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't start."

He let out a small laugh. "I didn't say anything. But let me tell you something."

"Tell me."

His features softened as he put his drink down. "I really like you, Bella. Like…a lot. _A lot_, a lot."

"Is that what you took me out for? To tell me that?"

"No. I just wanted to see you."

He just randomly wanted to see me after all this time?

"I'm sorry, and I'm flattered, but I don't like you like that."

"I think you do."

"You're wrong." Maybe not entirely, but I couldn't let him know that I had any feelings other than friendship. I couldn't handle this turning into anything more. Hell, I couldn't even handle a friendship with this kid.

"Bells, please…"

I shook my head. "Don't call me that."

"What?"

"Bells."

"Why not?"

Because I don't like the sound of it. "I already told you why."

"You didn't care earlier."

"I care now."

"Okay. Isabella?"

Definitely not! That was completely reserved for Edward when we were alone. And for my dad when he got mad at me. "No. Bella is fine."

He shrugged. "Okay."

We talked for a while about nothing in particular, and I took my phone out of my pocket when I got a text.

_From: Edward _

– **Hey babe. I'm going out with Jas for a little while. Don't forget about dinner. – **

**EPOV**

_From: Bella_

– **K, I'll be home by 7:00. :) –**

I put my phone back in my pocket and stared down at my drink with my hands resting against my cheeks.

Jasper looked over at me from his place at the stool next to mine. "Dude, she's not gonna kiss him."

I looked over at him. "How do you know?"

"Because someone who looks at you the way Bella does wouldn't even think about kissing anyone else."

"Do you think Alice would ever do it?"

"Kiss someone else?"

"Yeah."

"No."

I didn't think so either. She would never think of cheating on Jasper. She loved him too much, but maybe he didn't know that. "How do you know?"

"The same way I know Bella wouldn't cheat on you." He took a sip of his beer. "Also, I'd kill whoever kissed her."

I laughed and took a swig from my bottle. Maybe that's what I should've done to Jacob when I had the chance.

"So did you hide it well?"

I turned my gaze away from the bar's TV to Jasper. "Yeah." Jasper and I had gone to get it together last week.

"When are you gonna do it?"

"Next week, I think."

"What if Bella finds it before next week?"

Then I'd die. "She won't. It's in my closet. She doesn't go in there."

"Wish I could say the same for Alice. She goes through everything."

I laughed, because if there was anyone nosier than Bella, it was Alice. At least Bella let me have some privacy. "_Don't_ tell Alice about it. You're still the only one that knows." Alice and Bella couldn't keep anything from each other if their lives depended on it.

"Trust me, I know. Once I told Alice I wanted to try something new with her, and the next day that annoying girl Jessica knew about it. And Alice doesn't even talk to Jessica."

"Try what?"

"Something new. It was a while ago."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Something in the bedroom. Doggy sex."

"Oh!" I covered my ears. "I don't wanna hear that shit about my sister. You could've stopped at 'something in the bedroom.'"

He shrugged. "You weren't getting it. Anyway, good luck next week."

"Thanks."

**BPOV**

"Oh, my God!" I cut Jacob off in the middle of his sentence.

"What?"

"What time is it?" I took my phone out. 10:10. "Oh, crap!"

"What's wrong?" He sat up.

"I was supposed to be home at 7:00!"

"Oh." He leaned back in his chair.

"You have to take me home. Right now, right now!"

"Alright, alright. Calm down, we're going."

We got in his car, and he drove off. "Faster!"

"What do you want me to do? You want to get home but you don't like speeding."

"Go!"

He pressed on the accelerator and his car flew off. I looked down, because I couldn't watch the road when he was zipping between cars.

We finally got to my building, and my stomach was in knots for the entire elevator ride. Why hadn't Edward called me to see why I was late?

When we got to my door, Jacob turned to me and put a hand on my arm. "Why the rush?"

"I was supposed to be home for dinner."

"So you missed dinner. Big deal."

"It_ is_ a big deal. Edward cooked tonight."

"So?"

And this is why I'm not with you, Jacob. You don't give a shit about the small things. The small things are what matter the most. "So I have to go." I pulled my arm back, but he held on. "Let go."

"Am I gonna see you again?"

"I don't think so. I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not? Bella, please." He took a step closer and put his hand on my hip.

I pushed his hand off. "Don't touch me like that."

"I'm not even touching you inappropriately. It's just your hip."

"It's intimate."

"No, it's not." He put both hands on my hips.

"For me, it is." I shoved his hands off. "And I'm serious about not hanging out anymore. You want this friendship to turn into something more, but I don't. I don't think I even want to be your friend anymore."

"_What?_ Why?"

"I just don't!" How many more times did I have to say it? Tonight showed me that I didn't like Jacob at all. Not even as a friend. I don't know what happened, but he's who I thought he was.

He put an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. "Stop!" I tried to push his arm off, to no avail.

The apartment door was yanked open and Jacob jumped away from me as we both turned our heads to see an enraged Edward.

"You." Edward pointed at me and grabbed the back of my shirt, pulling me toward him. "Wait inside. We're gonna have a talk later."

He shut the door and I looked through the peephole, yelling through the door when Edward punched Jacob, knocking him to the ground. Edward turned to the door, looking straight at me. "Bella, go inside!"

I couldn't. I had to see this. I cupped a hand over my mouth so I wouldn't make another peep, and continued watching. If he didn't hear me, maybe he'd think I went upstairs.

Edward grabbed a handful of Jacob's hair and banged his head against the floor.

"Argh! Stop!"

"How many times does she have to tell you not to fucking touch her?" He grabbed Jacob's hair again, picked his head up off the ground, and punched him twice. I swear I heard a crack, which I think was Jacob's nose breaking. His scream blocked out the sound of the crack and his head fell with a _thud _when Edward let it go. "I was here before you came into the picture, and I'll be here when you're gone…which will be tonight. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to see you again."

Jacob lay their motionless. The bottom half of his face was completely covered in blood, and I stood there, dumbfounded. I wanted to go outside, but really, who the hell wanted to get yelled at by Edward? Not me.

I moved back as Edward opened the door.

"And you." He pointed at me accusingly. I walked backward into the living room and sat on the couch. "7:00? It's almost 11:00! I should've known better than to believe you. You were with _him._"

"Forget him! What the hell did you think you were doing out there? You can't just beat someone for no reason! You can't beat someone, period!"

"Yeah, well, I had my reasons." He moved into the kitchen and cleared the table.

My heart sank when I saw all the food and candles on the table. And then my heart shriveled up when I realized what Edward was wearing. I looked at the black slacks and light blue button-down shirt.

"You dressed up?"

"We'll talk about it tomorrow."

"Edward, what if he tells the cops?" What if one of the neighbors calls the cops?

"He won't."

"He might."

"He _won't_." He dumped the glasses of wine in the sink and washed the glasses. "If he calls the cops, they'll investigate, take him down, and he'll be locked away for a while. A _long_ while." He washed the silverware and I walked over to help him. "Come to think of it, that might not be such a bad idea." He swatted my hand away. "I'll do it. Go upstairs."

"How is that not a bad idea, Edward? They'll take you away if he presses charges! They'll take you away from me! I can't handle losing you again."

He pulled me into his arms, tucking my head under his chin. "Bells, I promise you he won't go to the police. Please, just go upstairs. I don't want to talk about this right now. I'm beyond mad right now, and I don't want to say something I'll regret."

I pulled back and went to the table to clean up the food. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize what time it was."

He turned to look at me. "Leave it. Go upstairs."

"Why?"

"Because."

"I don't want to go upstairs."

"Well, I don't want to fucking see you right now!" He glared at me with hard eyes.

"Fine." I dropped the piece of chicken back onto the plate and stomped up the stairs.

The tears fell as soon as my head hit my pillow, and I listened to the clatter downstairs as Edward put everything away. I didn't want him to be mad at me just because I was irresponsible.

I heard him speaking to someone and listened closer.

"_No, I don't think she did…Yeah, I'm still planning on doing it next week…Yeah…Well, she told him not to touch her like five times…"_ I picked up the phone on the nightstand and listened. Jasper. I turned the phone off and continued listening to Edward. _"Yeah…Yeah, that was her…"_ Oops. _"He left…Alright, I'll talk to tomorrow. I can't even think straight right now. Yeah…No…Okay…Bye."_

When he shut the kitchen lights off, the only lights in the house were the street lights shining through our bedroom window. I heard Edward walking up the stairs and closed my eyes, feigning sleep and willing myself to stop crying.

He closed the bedroom door and undressed before getting into bed.

I felt something cold on my shoulder and flinched, but kept my eyes closed. People can flinch while they're sleep, right?

Edward was holding an ice pack against my burn, and I almost sighed at the refreshing feel of the cold against my skin. He removed the ice pack and looked over my shoulder before wiping my tears away. He kissed my cheek lightly. "I love you."

He rubbed some lotion on my shoulder and used the remainder on my cheek and nose.

He put the bottle down on the nightstand and lay on his side, away from me. He was whispering something, and it was easy to pick up the prayer he was saying in the silent room.

"Please, God, bless my family and friends."

He turned to his side and put his arm around me before letting out a heavy sigh and turning onto his back again.

"Please, give us the strength to push through minor things like this. When I tell her that I'm not mad at her, please let her know for a fact that I'm not. Thank you so much for bringing her to me and thank you for bringing Jasper to Alice. Please let her know how much he loves her. And please, I'm begging you with everything I have…please, please, bless Bella. And even if we don't meet eye-to-eye on some things, please let us learn to listen, trust, and love each other through everything. Teach us how to meet eye-to-eye."

He turned toward me, wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to him.

"Good night, love." He moved my hair to the side and kissed the nape of my neck.

For a while, it took a lot of effort to breathe through the ache in my chest and the lump in my throat, but I finally calmed down enough to drift off to sleep.

* * *

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	34. Can't Make You Shake the Way That I Do

**The song for this chapter is "Sex Life" by D.R.U.G.S.  
**

**Also, since the title of this story is a Chiodos song, I'm changing the chapter titles to Chiodos/D.R.U.G.S. song titles/lyrics.**

**Hope you like this chapter!  
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**- JayBee**

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***Two weeks later***

**BPOV**

I woke up with Edward's arm around my waist. He turned around momentarily to turn the alarm off and wrapped his arm around me again.

"Edward."

"Mmmm." He pulled me to him, snuggling me into his warm body.

"Work."

"Mm-mm."

"We have to get up," I said, my lips brushing against his neck.

"Let's stay here," he mumbled, eyes still closed. I moved to roll away and he held me tighter. "I'm sure we have a few minutes…"

I felt the heat rush to my face, through my stomach, and down south as he licked the outer shell of my ear. It took all my strength not to get under the covers and take care of the thing poking my stomach.

"We have _no _minutes."

I got out of bed and Edward pulled a pillow over his head. "I hate my life."

"If you get ready and go to work, I'll make sure you love your life tonight."

He pulled the pillow down. "Promise?"

"I promise."

He trudged over to the bathroom, taking his boxer-briefs off along the way. I heard the shower turn on and went over to the closet to pick out my clothes.

Edward got out twenty minutes later, looking as relaxed as ever.

"What took you so long?" He stared at me for a beat, and I looked down at the towel wrapped around his waist. No huge bulge. "Oh." Jeez.

I didn't blame him. We hadn't done anything sexual in three weeks, and we were both beyond antsy. Either we were too tired after work, or something came up and we didn't have time. One of these days, one of us was going to go crazy. I was just waiting for it.

I took a quick shower, got dressed, towel-dried my hair, and followed the smell of coffee downstairs.

Edward was pouring dog food into Connor's dish, and went to pour coffee in his Thermos when I walked up behind him and grabbed his sides.

He jumped and looked back at me with a smirk. "Hey."

"Can I have some?"

He held my hips, pinned me against the adjacent counter, and leaned the length of his body against mine. "You can have all you want." He kissed me softly as his hands found their way up my shirt and Eddie found his way to my happy place.

I pulled back and looked down between us before raising an eyebrow at Edward. "Already? What's his rebound time, thirty seconds?"

"He can't help it."

"You just got off in the shower."

"Yeah, well, that's no substitute." I took his hands out of my shirt and held them in my hands. "I can have my clothes off in record time."

"I have no doubt about that," I laughed, "But we don't have enough time."

"Let's call in sick."

"You can, but I can't. I can't just leave my patients alone." I loved my job, but sometimes, I could think of better things to do – like going upstairs and staying in bed with Edward all day.

"What if you were deathly ill and you couldn't go to work?"

"Edward, I work in a hospital. If I was that sick, they'd still be expecting me at the hospital."

He shrugged. "Maybe we went to another hospital to get help."

I gave him a quick kiss. "Tonight. I promise."

I poured some coffee into our Thermos bottles and handed Edward his Thermos.

He took the bottle, slung the long strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder, and kissed the top of my head. "Bye, baby." He turned to leave and turned back around. "I didn't get a chance to take Con out. Can you do it?"

"Yupp."

I followed him to the door and he turned around before walking out. "Oh, and what time do you get off today?"

"I'm meeting my last patient at 3:30."

"I'll try to get out around the same time. Let's paint the guest room today."

"Sounds good."

He gave me a quick kiss. "Bye."

I closed the door behind Edward, hooked Connor's leash onto his collar, grabbed my coffee and walked out. I took a quick walk around the block, brought Connor back home, grabbed my purse, and made my way toward the bus stop.

I took the bus to the city, and then took the subway to the hospital.

I got a chocolate chip muffin from the cafeteria and made my way to the psych ward on the third floor.

I entered my office and sat at my desk, enjoying my fifteen minutes of silence with my muffin and coffee.

I finished eating and sat in the chair across the couch with my notepad and files on my lap. My first patient walked in, head down and feet scuffing the floor as he walked, and slouched onto the couch.

I plastered a smile on my face. "Hi, Aro."

He didn't look up. "Hi."

"How are you doing today?"

He looked up at me, shrugged, and looked back down at his lap. "Okay."

I met Aro two days ago, and this was the second time we were meeting.

I was almost positive he was the same Aro that Edward had become friends with in rehab.

I wanted so badly to tell Edward that Aro was at this hospital with me, but I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to name any names to anybody. Edward knew different stories about different patients, but he didn't know anybody's name. I couldn't tell him anything about Aro though, because Edward would guess who it was in a second.

Aro never spoke. Even his simple 'okay' was more than he'd said last time.

We sat in silence for half an hour and I couldn't stop thinking about the things Edward and I would be doing tonight.

I had to stop. I couldn't bring personal thoughts into this room.

"Can I ask you something?"

I looked up and met Aro's eyes. "Anything."

"Are you Edward's Bella?"

At least now I'm positive this is the Aro that Edward had told me about. "Am I…"

He let out a sigh. "Edward told me you got a job in a hospital in the city. Are you that Bella?"

"Yeah," I smiled.

"How is he?"

"He's fine."

"I wanna see him."

"I can't be involved in any part of that."

"Why not? You have my phone number. Just give it to him."

"I'm not allowed."

"Why not?"

"If I let him know that you're my patient, I'll lose my psychologist license."

Shit. I can't get any deeper into this. This session is about Aro, not about me.

"Then give his number to me."

"I can't do that, either. You can accidentally run into him somewhere and see him that way. And when I say accidentally, I actually mean accidentally."

He fixed his eyes to his lap again, looking defeated. Aro had overcome his heroin addiction, but the cat and dog still appeared from time to time, so they transferred him from the clinic to a psych ward in the hospital. He was never allowed out unless he was supervised, but from what I'd seen, he wasn't a threat to anyone.

"Do you like staying here?"

He didn't give an answer. He didn't even look up.

Back to staying quiet. Great.

We sat in silence until the remaining minutes of Aro's hour were up.

I saw him to the door and waited for the next patient.

Mrs. Banner walked in with her cane and made her way to the couch. She was eighty-six years old, and I personally thought she should just be sent to a nursing home.

But Mrs. Banner tried to stab her husband to death with a knife for no apparent reason other than the fact that she hates him, and now she's stuck in this hospital with the rest of us.

"Good morning, Mrs. Banner."

"Yeah? What's so good about it?" She asked in her raspy voice.

Half the time, I didn't know whether to laugh or grimace.

Neither was an option, so I always kept a straight face on.

"How are things going with your nurses?"

She made a passive gesture with her hand. "Eh…the nurses…" She pointed her cane at me. "I hate the nurses! And I hate _you_!"

Great. I plastered on my fake smile. "Let's channel your anger into –"

"I'm not angry!"

Sheesh… "Okay. Which emotions are you feeling right now?" I made sure to keep my voice calm and soothing.

"Well, you're annoying the heck out of me!" She turned her head to the side. "Jesus…I don't understand why they let kids have jobs like this. How are you supposed to help me? I don't even need help!"

"Do you think individuals younger than yourself shouldn't have careers such as mine because you feel belittled?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Who are you, my husband?"

"Do you feel that your husband belittles you?"

"Well –" She stiffened her upper lip. Silence.

Jackpot. I hit a nerve.

She didn't answer any of my other questions. She didn't say one word for the remainder of the session, which was fine with me. Now I had a basis for all her hostility. Next time, we'd just pick up where we left off.

I sat through two more patients and let out a heavy sigh when my last patient left.

Finally. Lunch.

I didn't have to block off all emotion and thoughts that didn't pertain to the patients. I felt my face flush at the thought of Edward's warm, naked body as he lay in bed. I felt the familiar burning in my stomach and forced myself not to think about tonight just yet.

I went to my desk and checked my phone. A missed call from my dad and a missed call from Edward.

I called my dad first.

"_Hey, Bells."_ There were sounds of commotion in the background.

"Hey, dad. You called?"

"_Yeah. Just wanted to know if you and Edward would like to come over for dinner tonight."_

"Thanks, but we're gonna paint the guest room tonight." Also, I think I'm going to shoot someone if I don't get Edward naked and in bed tonight.

"_Tomorrow, then?"_

"Tomorrow sounds good."

"_Good. I gotta go confirm a report for dispatch. See you tomorrow."_

"Bye, dad."

I hung up and called Edward.

"_Hi, babe."_

"Hey, what's up?"

"_Nothing, really. Just got back from lunch. Sitting in my office, doing stuff."_

"What kind of stuff?" Sexy stuff?

"_Boring business stuff. Like looking at different commercial times and buying and selling airtimes."_

"Oh." Sexy stuff? Really? Get a grip, Bella.

"_You're getting off around 5:00, right?"_

"Yeah." I'm thinking maybe I could just go home and get off right now.

"_I think I can make it out of here by 5:30."_ I heard him typing away at his computer. _"How's your day going?"_

I looked around the room. _"I think I'm get too old for this job."_

Edward let out a small laugh. _"Well, don't get too old. You need your energy for tonight. We're still on for tonight, right?"_

"Right."

He stopped typing and let out a long sigh. _"Bells,"_ he murmured.

I slid down in my seat. "Yeah."

"_I think I'm gonna self-combust."_

I knew the feeling. I'd self-combusted plenty of times in the past few weeks. "No hanky-panky."

"_I can't take this anymore! Leave work and meet me back at home."_

I rolled my eyes. He was serious. "I'll get fired."

"_I'll make it worth it."_

Maybe I could just run over to Edward's office really quickly…

My toes curled at the thought. "I can't. And promise me you won't touch yourself until tonight."

He let out an exaggerated sigh. _"Fine. But we have to stop talking about this before my hand finds its way into my pants."_

"Huh? You would've done it at _work_?"

"_If I had to do it, then yeah."_

"_Edward._"

"_What? I can't handle this, Bella. I need to get some on a regular basis."_

"Well, it's not my fault."

"_I'm not saying it is, but everyone's making jokes about it."_

"Then don't tell anyone." He was the one that said he wanted some things to be kept just between the two of us.

"_I didn't tell anyone! Everyone keeps saying shit like, 'What's wrong, Mr. Cranky Pants? Not getting any?'"_

"Then stop being cranky."

"_I'm not being cranky!"_

"Clearly."

He was silent for a few seconds. _"Okay. I'm sorry."_

"Maybe we should just put off painting –"

"_No! We have to do it tonight."_

Obviously this kid wasn't thinking clearly. "Would you rather paint a room or have me naked in bed? And on the floor? And in the kitchen?"

"_Both. All."_

Someone knocked on the door and I sat up quickly. "Come in."

My coworker Caius poked his head in, his straight shoulder-length blonde hair swaying from side to side. "Hey, Bella. Want to come down to the caf and get something to eat really quickly?"

"Sure. Just give me a sec. I'll be right out."

He retreated and closed the door.

"_Caius?"_

"Yeah. He wants to get something to eat."

"_Tell him I said hi."_

"I will." I played with the hem of my shirt, not sure of what to say next. I told myself to calm down and let it go. If Edward wanted to paint the guest room, we would paint the guest room. It wasn't always about what I wanted.

And there were other things in life besides sex.

But sex with Edward was…_ugh_. I can't even explain it.

"Are we still painting tonight?"

He took a few seconds to answer. _"If you want to."_

"I want to."

"_Good. Then I'll see you in a few hours." _I could hear the smile in his voice, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"I love you."

"_I love you, too."_

I hung up and put my phone in my pocket before opening the door.

"Sorry"

"No problem." Caius smiled as he pushed himself off the wall and fell in step beside me. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

I let out a sigh. "No."

We walked down to the cafeteria and each got a sandwich before sitting down.

Caius slid in the chair across me. "So what's wrong?"

I shrugged. "Nothing. Really."

He eyed me warily and I knew denying it was futile. "You look miserable."

I slapped my forehead. "Shit. Do I really?" I couldn't show emotion in this place.

"Calm down," he laughed. He brought my hand down and raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Edward wants to paint the guest room."

"And?"

"I want to have sex."

I felt myself blush when he snorted and shook his head. "So do what you have to do and then paint the guest room."

"We'll be too tired to paint."

"So paint the room first."

"That's what we're going to do."

"Oh." He took a bite of his sandwich. "So, problem solved."

I shrugged. "It's not even the painting. It's…we're going through a dry spell."

"Is that why you're getting mad over painting a room?" He smiled as he chewed.

"I'm not getting mad!"

"Whatever you say."

"I just hate that we argue over dumb things. We already argue over stupid things without the added stress of…you know."

"Not having sex."

"Yeah."

He let out another small laugh. "Bella, everyone who's been in a relationship long enough goes through a dry spell at some time or another."

"But I think Edward's gonna die if we don't do something soon."

He dismissed this with a wave of his hand. "He'll be fine. This has happened so many times with my fiancée and me."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." He balled up his sandwich wrapper. "And look, I'm still alive."

"What did you guys do?" I felt like slapping myself as soon as I asked.

"One day we had time to do it, and that was it. After that, whenever it happened again, I told myself to stay calm because I knew we'd do it eventually."

I put my elbow on the table and laid my chin in my hand. "I don't know," I sighed. "We're supposed to try again tonight. I feel like something's gonna get in the way again."

He stood up and ruffled my hair before throwing away his trash and coming back to the table. "The best advice I can give you is don't plan ahead. Do you plan ahead regularly?"

"No."

"Then why plan ahead now?"

"Because –"

Caius leaned on the table with one hand and covered my mouth with the other. "No excuses. Don't plan ahead. Just do what you have to do when the time comes." He stood up and grabbed my trash, threw it away and came back to the table. "I have to go back upstairs."

I stood up and followed him to the elevator. "So do I. Group therapy and then a few more individual sessions."

He turned to me as the elevator doors closed. "You're getting off early today?"

"Yeah."

"Lucky. I get off at 9:00."

"Sucks to be you."

He smirked at me as we made our way down the hall. "No, Bella. It sucks to be _you_. At least I get some on a regular basis."

I rolled my eyes and opened my office door. "Shut up. You sound like Edward."

He shrugged. "There are worse things," he said as he walked toward his office. "And remember, don't plan ahead."

I sat at my desk and forced myself to concentrate on how I was going to conduct the group therapy.

I took ten minutes to prepare, finished the group therapy, finished the rest of my individual therapy sessions, and _finally_, it was time to go home.

I don't think I've ever been this happy to leave the hospital.

I drove home in silence, trying to calm myself down. All I could think about was what we were going to do after we finished painting the guest room.

I felt so heartless for being happy about getting away from the patients, but I could barely pay attention to them today. I felt even worse because it wasn't fair to them for my mind to be somewhere else during my time with them.

I decided to walk up the stairs instead of taking the elevator, gave up on the sixth floor, and took the elevator the rest of the way up. Who needs exercise, anyway?

I opened the door and bent down to hug Connor when as ran up to me. "Hi, baby! Hi!" I rubbed his back and went into the kitchen to get dinner ready, with Con trailing at my heels.

I marinated two pieces of steak and put them in the oven as I got the potatoes ready. Around 6:30, Connor ran up to the door and a second later, I heard Edward walk in.

I was stirring the sauce for the potatoes when I felt Edward's hands on my arms as he kissed the top of my head. "Hi, baby."

"Hey." I smiled as he rested his chin on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Smells yummy."

"I made steak and potatoes."

"Mmm…" He kissed my neck, sending a tingle down my spine. He went to set the table, and I missed the feel of his strong arms around me already.

As silly as it sounds, I miss Edward during the workday. I know I'm going to see him at night, and we spend most weekends together, but I still miss him during the day. If someone is your other half, no matter how much time you spend apart, you always miss that person. No matter how happy you are with others or by yourself, you'll always feel completely happy when you're with your other half. Edward's mere presence put me at ease from the day's stresses.

"I'm gonna go change. I'll be right back."

I watched as Edward walked up the stairs, secretly wishing I'd follow him up, throw him on the bed and have my ways with him.

I let out a heavy sigh as I put the food in the plates and filled the glasses up with Coke.

I trudged upstairs and stopped short of the bedroom when I saw Edward jump and shove his hand in his shorts' pocket.

I raised a brow at him as I walked into the room.

He gave me a cheesy grin. "Hi."

"Hi…" I moved over to my closet, all the while watching Edward. I changed into a pair of pink boxers and one of Edward's t-shirts. I turned and looked at Edward.

His hands hung loosely at his sides, and I couldn't help but stare at his pocket. I wasn't going to ask. For once, I wasn't going to be nosy. If it was something I needed to know about, he would tell me.

"Ready?" His voice was like silk, and I watched entranced as he scratched his chest. His shorts were riding dangerously low on his hips.

I tore my gaze away from his bare body up to his eyes. "Please wear a shirt."

"No. It's summer."

I followed him out of the room and down the stairs. "I might pin you to the kitchen floor half-way through dinner and make you scream out my name."

Holy moly. Did that just come out of my mouth?

Edward smirked at me as we sat down at the kitchen table. "Yeah? Is that a promise?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and kept my head down as I ate.

"Be happy I'm not in boxer-briefs."

We ate in silence for a few minutes before my curiosity got the better of me.

"So…what's in your pocket?" Okay, so I was a nosy person. I couldn't help it!

Edward's mouth curved into a smile and I felt my heart jump. "Nothing."

"Edward," I whined.

"Bel_laaa_," he mimicked.

"Stop."

"Stop."

"Stop!"

"Stop!" He laughed as he fed a piece of meat to Connor.

"I wanna know."

"I know you do. You'll find out soon enough."

Gee, that helped me calm down. The last time he said something like that, he ended up in rehab.

"Can I find out now?"

He took a sip of his Coke and watched me over the brim of the cup before putting it down and licking his lips. "No."

I stared at his lips as I cut a potato in half. "Edward…"

"Yeah."

"I don't think I'm gonna make it." I felt my body heat up at the thought of finally having him to myself after we finished painting. _Fuck._ I needed to have him _now_.

He let out a small laugh. "You'll make it. I'm helping speed up the process."

"Huh? How?"

"I'm not wearing any underwear so that we can save time later."

I put my fork down and looked under the table before looking back up at Edward. "Stand up." He smirked and got out of his seat. "Come here." He took a step forward, standing right in front of me. I reached forward, pulled back the waistband of his shorts, and peeked inside.

I felt my vagina throb. Sure enough, there was his cock, hanging in all its glory. I almost fainted.

My other hand moved on its own accord, reaching inside to take a hold of Edward's cock, only to have him grab my wrist and pull my hand away. "I'm thinking, no."

"But he looks like he wants to play," I pouted.

Edward rolled his eyes and sat back down. "He _always_ wants to play. Bella, I've been waiting all day. Now that I'm finally home, I want more than just a quickie."

Funny, because I could go for a quickie right now.

"Alright," I sighed dramatically, knowing damn well I was acting like a child. At this point, I couldn't care less.

He stared at me incredulously. "Eat your food."

"I'd rather eat something else," I mumbled under my breath.

"Don't tempt me."

I looked up at Edward and looked away just as quickly. His eyes were dark, his pupils dilated. He looked almost predatory.

We calmed down enough to finish our food, and got to talking. I found out that Edward was working on a project with Tanya, and he'd be coming home later than usual a few days a week.

Great. It wasn't bad enough that he and his ex were working for the same company, but now they were working on a project together. Okay. Calm down. It's work-related, and he's with you, not with her.

Ugh! I couldn't help it. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

So I decided not to think about it.

I looked at Edward again, noting how tired he looked. The planes of his face were hard and worn, a bit of scruff covering his cheeks and jaw. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and let out a big yawn before he continued eating.

"We don't have to paint or anything tonight. We can just go to sleep." I knew it was a futile attempt, but I had to say something. He looked so worn out.

Edward cut his eyes to me. "We're going to paint. And then we're going to have sex."

"Okay."

He put his fork down with a sigh. "Why do you sound like you're being forced to do something you don't want to do?"

"_I_ don't want to force _you_."

"You're not." He picked his fork up and stabbed a piece of steak a bit too forcefully. "I _want_ to paint. And I _want_ to have sex. Bella, you're my girlfriend, and I can't even so much as satisfy your needs right now."

"We're fine."

"We're not."

I reached my hand over the table and laid it over his. "Don't worry about it."

"But I _do_ worry about it."

Then why can't we just paint the room some other day? "We'll be fine. Tonight is the night." Though, we've been saying that every day for the past three weeks. "Hey." I tapped his hand with my finger. "Look at me." He looked up and I frowned at the look on his face. "I'm fine, okay?"

He took his hand away with another sigh and cut his steak.

I couldn't get mad at Edward, and I couldn't get mad at myself. I didn't know what to do anymore. All I knew was that I didn't want to see Edward hurting. I didn't want him thinking that he wasn't able to give me what I wanted.

After dinner, Edward took Con out for a walk and I took everything we needed to the guest room at the far end of the hallway upstairs. I covered the floor of the room with old sheets, opened the windows, lined the walls and windows with tape, and popped open the paint cans.

I was mixing the paint when I heard the door open downstairs and feet on the stairs running up.

Edward crouched down beside me and began mixing another can full of paint. "Let's do the side walls first."

Edward began painting one wall as I did the other, and I stood back to look at the color of the paint after a few minutes. Very pretty and easy on the eyes. It was a very light green color, like a light mint green.

I continued painting and Edward came over when I was a little less than halfway done with the wall. I looked at him as he began painting. I turned to look across the room, and my mouth dropped. He had already finished painting the first coat!

"That was fast," I said as I turned back to Edward. He had specks of green on his chest and torso, but his shorts were paint-free.

And oh, God. I could see the faint outline of his dick. I swallowed hard and turned back to the wall, paying close attention to painting as I felt myself blush.

I saw Edward turn and smirk at me out of the corner of my eye. "Are my shorts bothering you?"

"No." I focused on the wall, trying hard not to look at him.

"Maybe you should take your shirt off so you don't get any more paint on it."

Shit. Why was he using _that_ voice? "I'll keep it on. Thanks for the suggestion, though."

He shrugged and continued painting.

After we finished the wall, Edward began painting the wall that the door was on, and I took a bathroom break.

I took in gulps of air in the bathroom, taking advantage of how fresh it was compared to the guest room.

I finished up in the bathroom and made my way back to the guest room.

I froze mid-step, and forced myself to step into the guest room. I stared at the wall across the doorway, my breath labored.

"Edward."

"Yes," he said in a small voice. He was standing in front of the wall with a paintbrush in his hand, the words _Will you marry me?_ painted on the wall.

"Is this a dream?"

"No."

It took everything in me to tear my eyes away from the wall and look at him. "Edward."

"Yeah."

My vision blurred and I blinked a few times. "I think I'm gonna cry."

He was in front of me in a second, cradling my face in his hands. "Please don't. Isabella, I've loved you for my entire life, and I promise to love you for the rest of it. Will you please do the honor of marrying me?"

I hugged him tight and stared at the writing on the wall. "I love you so much, Edward. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. A million times, yes. I'll marry you."

I felt the tears spill over and closed my eyes to keep them at bay.

Edward pulled back and kissed my lips lightly. His eyes grew wide and he reached into his pocket. "I almost forgot!"

My breath hitched when I saw the ring he slid onto my finger. It was white gold, with a round diamond raised in the center and small round diamonds going down each side.

"Edw…" His name got caught in my throat. I couldn't speak. It was beautiful. The ring, the wall, everything. It was all perfect. I was so glad he proposed in the privacy of our home rather than in a restaurant or out in public.

Edward kissed my forehead and smiled as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I love you, Bella."

I looked into his eyes, the green color soft and warm behind his own tears as he looked down at me. "I love you, too, Edward."

I looked down at my ring, then back up at Edward. I did a mental grimace, already regretting that I was going to ruin the moment. "I have to tell Alice."

Edward rolled his eyes with a smirk and turned me around, slapping my butt. "Go. Quick."

I ran to get the phone at the end of the hall and dialed the Cullens' home number as quickly as possible. I breathed a sigh of relief when Alice picked up. "I'm engaged!"

"_Ahhhhh!" _I pulled the phone away from my ear at her piercing scream. _"When? How?"_

I laughed as I brought the phone back to my ear. "Just now. We were painting the guest room when he asked me. I'll tell you the details tomorrow."

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and I laid my arm on top of his as he kissed the nape of my neck. I heard Alice tell Jasper the news then Jasper murmur an _ow_ at what I'm guessing was Alice hitting him or throwing a pillow at him.

"_Jasper already knew!"_

I turned my head to look at Edward and he nodded his head before nuzzling my neck. "He knew before I even picked out the ring last week. He didn't tell her because she would've ruined it."

"_I wouldn't have ruined it!"_

Edward grabbed the phone. "You would have told Bella the second you heard about it. We'll talk to you guys tomorrow, okay?"

Alice kept talking and Edward just hung up the phone and dropped it on the floor. He grabbed the backs of my thighs and picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he walked us into the bedroom.

He kicked the door closed and pushed me up against it, kissing me fervently.

"Edward…baby," I said in between kisses, "The guest room…the paint…"

"Fuck the paint," he said as he moved down to my neck. I ran my hands through his hair as he pressed his hips into mine and drew out a moan from both of us.

He carried me over to the bed and laid me down, covering my body with his.

"I don't want to fuck," he whispered in my ear.

I nodded, because apparently, I couldn't form any coherent thoughts, let alone words. I knew what he meant. He didn't need to say any more. He didn't want to fuck, he wanted to make love.

His hands were under my shirt, caressing my skin as they ran over my ribcage. He tickled my sides and I squirmed on the bed as I giggled. "Stop..."

Edward smiled as he bent down to kiss me softly. He inched his hands up my body slowly, slid his thumbs under my bra and ran them along the base of my breasts. My breath caught in my throat and he pulled back to look at me with a smirk, his hands still under my shirt.

"Don't tease," I said in a small voice.

He leaned down to nibble on my bottom lip before pulling back again. "I want to take my time."

He took my shirt off an unhooked the back of my bra, pulling it off as he smiled down at me. I didn't know what his intentions were, and I didn't care. The love in his eyes was evident, and I wanted nothing more than for him to take me.

He took a nipple into his mouth, suckling softly as I gasped at the sensation.

I felt the familiar heat course through my body as I reached down to take Edward's short off, silently thanking God for elastic waistbands because I don't think I could have managed to unbutton anything right now.

Edward kicked his shorts off the bed and lowered his head to kiss a path down my stomach, licking a line just above my boxers before hooking his fingers over the waistband.

I pulled his hair and he looked up questioningly. "I didn't shave," I whispered.

He rolled his eyes and lowered the shorts in one motion. I know he didn't care if I shaved or not, but I always had the need to let him know beforehand.

He rubbed his nose against my lower lips before running it along my slit. I whimpered and writhed against his face as he nipped at my clit before flicking the tip of his tongue against it.

"Edward…I…" I panted as he continued the amazing torture.

He looked up at me with a piercing gaze, his face glistening from his nose down to his chin. He licked off everything he was able to and lined his body up with mine, peppering my jaw with kisses as his hand made its way down between our bodies.

He pressed his finger against my little bundle of nerves and slowly rubbed circles over it. When he slipped his finger in, I almost came on the spot. He kissed just below my ear before nipping at the outer shell. "Beautiful. Always so beautiful."

I threw my head back and he attacked my neck, biting and licking just above the hollow of my throat. "Not in…_ungh_…not in front…" I moved his head to the side, where I would be able to hide the mark with my hair.

I mewled and arched my back as he added another finger, thrusting in and out vigorously. "Baby…fuck…" I moaned. His ministrations on my body were bordering between torture and pleasure.

I was so close, but even still, not close enough.

Edward kissed my cheek and rubbed my clit with his thumb. "I'm gonna let you come, I promise. You're gonna come before I'm in you."

"Don't stop…don't stop…"

"I won't –"

And then the doorbell rang.

We both froze for half a second before Edward continued. "Ignore it."

I looked up at his flushed face. His breath was coming out in pants. "Edward."

"_Ignore it_." He added a third finger, his brows furrowed in concentration. The bell rang again. "Fuck!" I jumped at the raise in his voice.

"I can't concentrate." It was hard to pay attention to what he was doing. Who was at the door?

"No…" Edward whimpered as he rolled over onto his back. "I just wanna have sex," he whined to the ceiling. He ran his hands over his face and for a second, I wondered if he was crying. He let out a heavy sigh and sat up. "I'm gonna send whoever it is away. You stay here and keep the bed warm."

He began walking out of the room, and I called after him.

"What?"

"You're naked. And hard."

"Maybe that'll scare whoever it is away."

"More like it'll invite them in," I said, staring at his body.

He sighed again and pulled on his boxer-briefs, which did nothing to cover his bulge.

I watched as he ran down the stairs and heard him yank the door open. "What?" I couldn't hear whoever was at the door, but I could hear Edward clearly. "I don't know. Go home!"

I heard the door close, and Alice's voice made its way into the bedroom. "Ew! Adjust yourself! It's peeking out!"

I shoved my face into Edward's pillow and breathed in his scent. I wish I could see it peeking out.

"I didn't invite you in."

"I come to congratulate you and this is how you act? Where's Bella? I brought cake. And we need to start planning the wedding."

I picked my head up. Cake?

"She's upstairs. No! Don't go up there."

I got up and threw on Edward's t-shirt and my boxers, making my way down the stairs.

"God…I can't even make love to my fucking fiancée!"

Subtlety obviously wasn't something Edward cared about right now.

"Aww…you called her your fiancée!"

I made my way down the stairs before Edward got the chance to kill Alice.

"Bella!" Alice's face lit up and I gave her and Jasper a small wave.

Edward turned around, glaring at me. "Go back upstairs."

"I heard cake…" I said quietly.

Alice held up a brown Whole Foods bag. "Yeah! I got White Chocolate Raspberry."

"My favorite!" I ran down the rest of the stairs.

"I know!"

We made our way into the kitchen, and Edward threw his hands up in defeat.

Well, whatever. He could fuss all he wanted. If we couldn't have sex, cake was the next best thing.

Alice and I cut some cake for everybody as I told her the story. sat down with the guys in the living room.

Alice stretched her legs out on Jasper's legs and I sat next to Edward on the other couch. Everyone besides Edward was watching TV. Edward was spreading the icing of the cake on his plate and drawing patterns in it.

I bumped his knee with mine and he turned his head to look at me. "I'm going to bed."

He got up and threw out his piece of cake before washing the plate and fork and turning them over on the strainer.

I caught his eye as he was leaving the kitchen and crooked my finger, silently calling him over.

"What?"

I looked up at him from the couch. "We have company."

Edward turned to look at Alice and Jasper before turning back to me. "I don't care."

I stared at him in shock. How could he say that? "You're being rude."

He shrugged and turned to go upstairs. "Good night," he murmured over his shoulder.

I turned to Alice and Jasper with an apologetic look. I had no idea what to say. I was so embarrassed. "I am_ so_ sorry. He's cranky."

Alice shrugged. "Whatever. It's Edward. He's always cranky."

I frowned at this, because that wasn't true, and she knew it. Sometimes his temper got the better of him, and sometimes he acted like a child. But he wasn't 'just Edward' and he wasn't 'always cranky.'

Jasper went to get up and Alice sat up to try and stop him.

"I should go talk to him."

Alice stood up and grabbed his hand. "He won't talk to you. The only person he talks to when he gets like this is Bella."

She turned to me, her hand still clasping Jasper's. "Bella, we're gonna go. Sorry we barged in like this."

"You've only been here for like twenty minutes. Stay a little longer."

"No really. It's okay. We should've called first." They walked to the door and put their shoes on. Alice turned to me and hugged me tightly, almost knocking me over. "Congrats. I'm so happy for you both."

"Thank you," I smiled.

Then Jasper hugged me, making me feel as small as I felt when I was in Edward's arms. "Congratulations, Bella."

"Thanks."

After they left, I put everything away, turned off the lights, and made my way upstairs.

Connor was asleep in the corner outside our bedroom door, opening his eyes to look at me before going back to sleep.

I closed the bedroom door behind me and crawled into bed next to Edward. He turned around and faced me, but I could barely make out his features in the dark.

"Did they leave?" He whispered.

"No. I left them downstairs in the dark." He laughed lightly and I pushed at his chest. "Edward."

"No."

"What you did was rude."

"No."

I sat up and glared at him. "_Edward._"

He pushed himself up and leaned back against the headboard. "They'll get over it."

"That's not the point."

He let out a heavy sigh and threw his hands in the air. "Okay, Bella. What _is_ the point?"

"You can't just go around being an ass to everyone." I crossed my arms over my chest, fuming at the thought of him treating his coworkers the way he treated Jasper and Alice. I understood that Edward was irritable because of the pent-up frustration, but I was cranky too, and I couldn't go around telling everyone off.

He lay back down and took me down with him, pulling me to his chest. "I'm not an ass to everyone," he murmured.

I kissed his bare chest. "Mm-hm."

"I'm not an ass to you."

"I don't count."

He kissed the top of my head. "You're the only one that counts."

And just like that, my anger was gone. "I'm sorry I broke my promise."

"You didn't." He squeezed my hand and brought it up to his lips to kiss the ring. "You promised to make sure I'd love my life tonight, and I couldn't be any happier."

I woke up on top of Edward the next morning, my legs straddling his waist and my arms wrapped around him.

I sat up as Edward reached over to turn the alarm off.

"Sorry."

He put his hands on my hips, and I realized that I still had my boxers on. We hadn't had sex. Damn.

"For what?" He asked in a husky voice.

"I'm on top of you." I had to be uncomfortable when you were trying to sleep.

He wriggled his hips against mine and I felt a jolt of…something…go up my spine. "Mmm…don't ever apologize for that."

I gave him a quick kiss and got off his lap before I got carried away and was late for work.

Thursday morning I woke up to the feel of something wet against my lower back. The bedroom was dimly lit. The sun was just rising.

I moved Edward's arm from around my waist and swiped a finger through my back. I brought my finger up to my nose and smelled it. Oh, crap. I licked my finger tentatively. Oh, _crap_.

I turned around and looked down to see Edward sound asleep, and his cock wide awake.

I grimaced at the cold, wet sensation on my back. Pre-cum. Ew.

Okay. Don't make this a big deal.

I got up and went to the bathroom to clean my back. I came back with tissues for Edward, but the more I wiped away the cum, the more seeped out.

Forget it. I'll just leave it. I can't wake him up for this. For one, he'd be cranky because I woke him, and then he'd be embarrassed by what had happened.

I checked the time. 5:30. I called his office, hoping someone would be there this early. Edward's coworker Seth picked up, and I told him Edward was throwing up everywhere and wouldn't be able to make it to work today.

Then I called the hospital and told them the same thing for myself. My patients could do without me for one day. My fiancé and I needed each other.

Thankfully, Edward had turned the other way so I just crawled into my side of the bed and went back to sleep.

I woke up to someone wiping my back with a wet cloth, and turned my head to see Edward hovered over me. I checked the time. 8:00. Still too early to get up on a day off.

Edward put his hands up in defense. "I am _so_ sorry. I swear I didn't do it on purpose. I just saw it when I woke up."

Even through my half-lidded eyelids, I could see the blush creep up his neck to his cheeks. I held my hands out. "Come here."

He lay down on top of me, with Eddie nestled between my legs. "I should have slept with underwear on or something."

I held his face in my hands, feeling how hot his cheeks had gotten. "It's okay."

"It's not." He buried his head in the crook of my neck and shoulder. "It's embarrassing. Who has a wet dream at this age?"

"Lots of people."

"Nobody."

I turned my head to whisper in his ear. "Can you get Connor out?"

He pushed himself up and nudged Connor out the door, closing the door in his face.

Edward came back to the bed and sat with his back to me at the foot of the bed. I sat up and draped my arms around his neck, kissing the hairline at his nape. "I didn't want him to bark."

He turned his head to look at me and I gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "He wasn't barking."

"Yes, but he will."

I bit his earlobe and tweaked one of his nipples, drawing out a low moan from deep in his chest. "Oh, fuck…fucking hell…don't tease me," he whined. "We're already late for work."

"I'm not teasing. We don't have work today."

I almost laughed at the confusion on his face as I pulled him back onto the bed.

"Why not?"

"We have the twenty-four-hour bug and we're throwing up everywhere but we'll be fine by tomorrow morning." He needed this. He needed it more than I did, and at this point I felt bad for not calling in sick sooner. Edward looked as if he was in pain for the past week, and all because we hadn't done anything for a few weeks. I should have taken care of him.

He gave me the side-eye for a quick second before he realized what I was implying. "I fucking love you." He crawled over my body as I jerked his cock quickly, bringing it to full mast in no time flat.

His breathing was already ragged, and I couldn't believe how hard my heart was pounding in my chest. He shoved my sweats down my legs and hastily took off my bra.

Edward took no time positioning himself at my dripping pussy, probing my entrance with his cockhead. "Ready?"

I nodded my head, biting my bottom lip to keep from crying out in frustration.

Edward entered me slowly, his groans mixing in the air with my moans and whimpers. I felt full with him inside me, complete and loved.

"_Fuckkk..._" Edward ground out. "I think I forgot how tight you were. Or you…_ungh!_…got tighter. Shit!"

He thrust in and out slowly, rolling his hips into mine, and brought a hand down to pinch my clit. "Fuck, Edward! Faster. Fuck…me!"

He buried his face in my hair, murmuring his love for me. "You can't imagine how scared…how scared I was…when I proposed…"

He pulled back to rest his forehead against mine. I felt my heart flip when he looked into my eyes, holding my gaze as he pumped in and out of me.

My heart swelled at the memory of the proposal, and I thought I'd black out from sensory overload.

"Baby!" Edward panted, his eyes shut tight and his hips jerking erratically. "I'm gonna – ungh! – too soon…Bel_la_!"

"Let it go…I'm right there with you."

I grabbed his hair and crashed my lips into his, only to have him pull away slightly with a gasp as he came inside me. His cock jerked as he released into me, and a slew of expletives left his mouth.

Several of my own creative phrases echoed through the room as I reached my own release, pulling Edward's body down flush against mine.

He rolled onto his back and turned his head to look at me, a lazy smile splayed across his face. "Thank you."

I turned onto my side and walked my fingers down his chest, feeling his abdomen clench under my touch. I moved to get on top of him, straddling his waist as I skimmed his lips with mine.

He tucked my hair behind my ear and deepened the kiss, cradling my face in one hand as he pressed his palm against my breast and rubbed it in circles over my nipple. My breath hitched and I pulled his hand away from my breast. "Wait. I want to be on top."

"You are on top."

"I want to be on top the entire time."

"You can be wherever you want to be."

"Good."

He smirked up at me. "You want me that bad, huh?"

I arched and eyebrow. "Is the ego rising again?"

"Yupp. Along with something else." He pushed his hips up into mine, and I couldn't help but yelp at the feel of his cock pressing against me.

"Well, don't get too full of yourself. I like it when you're vulnerable."

"I can be vulnerable."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he whispered as he leaned up to kiss me softly.

Edward very rarely became vulnerable. Even when he seemed defenseless, his guard was up. The only times Edward was truly vulnerable was when we were making love, and even then, it had only happened a few times. One of the things I loved about it was that in those rare moments, he told me things that he would normally be too embarrassed to tell me.

Even to me, it was weird to think of Edward as someone who got embarrassed, but I love that I'm one of the very few people who knows that about him.

The only the thing that made me sad about his vulnerability when we made love was that I had to coax his orgasm out of him. Edward always satisfied me, but when he got into that state of mind, he never wanted to come first. Sometimes it looked painful, and I had to stop concentrating on myself long enough to help him finish. I don't mind it at all, but I really hope he's not truly in pain when he holds back like that.

"Bella…Bells!"

I blinked a few times. Shit. "Sorry."

"You zoned out."

"I'm here now," I said with a smile.

He nuzzled my neck as my hands found their way to his hair. "If you get to be on top this time, then I get to take you against the wall in the shower."

"Deal. But then you have to let me tie your hands together in the living room."

"Fine with me. Only if I get to bend you over the kitchen counter."

"Sounds good…" I sighed.

So we made love a second time, had sex in the shower, ate, fucked on the recliner in the living room, fucked in the kitchen, made love in the downstairs bathroom, had sex on the living room floor, played some Xbox, had sex on the stairs, and ended up in the bedroom again, only to make love a few more times.

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**Please review! I love hearing what you all think. :)**


	35. I Think Too Much, and Then I Fall Apart

**Here's the new chapter (finally)! I had time to finish it today because I can't go anywhere. There's a hurricane watch, everyone's evacuating, and all the stores and shops boarded up their windows and doors. We've never had a hurricane here (a minor one in 1999. It was more like a severe thunderstorm.), so I'm interested (and scared) to see what's gonna happen.**

**And we just had an earthquake – I think 4.2 in magnitude – a few days ago! (Another first.)**

**Anyway, I'm stuck inside all day today and tomorrow, so I had time to finally finish this chapter.**

**- JayBee**

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**EPOV**

I stared at my reflection in the mirror through half-lidded eyes as I brushed my teeth. Swollen eyes, two-day old beard, and crazy hair because I went to sleep with it wet last night. Attractive.

I looked toward the door when I heard the bed sheets rustle. I poked my head out of the bathroom to look at Bella, who was tossing and turning in bed, the sheets tangled around her body.

I walked over to the bed, toothbrush still in my mouth. "Bells." I poked her arm. "Bella."

"What?" She mumbled. She turned away from me and hugged my pillow to her chest.

"Come on. You have to go back to work today."

"I don't want to."

I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "I know," I sighed. "But you have to." She'd been sick for the past couple of days and was just getting over her cold. I felt bad for making her go to work, but she had to go.

Bella sat up with a huff. "I feel like crap."

"You'll feel better later in the day. Come on." I held her hand and dragged her into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and led her into it. I couldn't help but stare at her swollen lips. I dropped my gaze to her perfect breasts and slowly looked back up at her lips.

"Are you gonna kiss me?"

I looked up at her. "No."

"That sounded awful lot like a 'yes'."

"_No_. Take your shower and come downstairs." As much as I wanted to kiss her, I didn't want to get sick. And kissing would lead to other things, which would just make her even more tired.

She turned toward the spray with a sigh and wet her hair. I closed the glass door of the shower, quickly got dressed, and made my way downstairs to feed Con and make coffee.

Bella came down the stairs slowly as I was rinsing the coffee mug.

She sat at the kitchen table, sulking as she looked at the mug in front of her. "I don't want orange juice anymore! I don't even like it," she pouted.

I leaned against the counter and looked down at her. "I know, but you have to drink it. It'll help strengthen your immune system."

"I want coffee." She poured the juice into the sink and filled the mug with coffee.

I shook my head with a smirk as I watched her. "Stubborn."

"Shut up," she scowled.

"Cranky."

"No. That's you in the morning."

"I'm not cranky in the morning."

"You never talk to anyone."

"I talk to you."

"I don't count."

"You count." I kissed her forehead and threw my messenger bag over my shoulder. "I'll see you tonight."

I scratched Connor behind the ears before locking the door behind me. I thought about Bella as I walked to the bus stop in the cold weather. Why was she in such a sour mood? Maybe it was because she had a cold. Or maybe she just woke up in a bad mood. Maybe working on the wedding with our wedding planner from hell, a.k.a. Alice, was getting to her.

We'd been engaged for five months already, and we were getting married in two months. I couldn't believe how fast time flew by, and to be honest, I just wanted everything to be over with so we could go on our honeymoon to Abu Dhabi. Marrying Bella isn't going to change anything in our relationship. The only difference is going to be the legal papers we'll have.

I made my way onto the bus and sat in an empty seat. At the next stop, a tall brunette with long curly hair walked on and sat next to me. She smiled at me, and I smiled back with what I hope was a polite grin. I might have looked like the Big Bad Wolf preying on Little Red Riding Hood – I couldn't be sure.

I forced myself not to look down at her huge breasts, which were practically bursting out of the top of her shirt.

"Are you going into the city?"

"Yes." No need to say more. I wanted to keep the conversation short.

"Where?"

"Rockefeller." I looked into her blue eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look away.

"I'm on the same avenue, a few streets over. I don't mean to be too forward, but would you like to get coffee tonight after work? I can meet you at the Rockefeller Café after I get out of work."

"I'm..." Engaged. "...busy."

"Oh." Her face fell and she turned back to the front of the bus.

I put my ear buds in my ears and turned up the volume on my iPod. Mellow Metallica songs. Just what I need. I rested my forehead against the cool window and closed my eyes.

I know it's natural to be attracted to people besides Bella, but I still feel guilty for it.

When I opened my eyes a few stops later, the brunette was gone.

I grabbed my bag, got off the bus quickly, and got a bagel on the way to my office.

I went through my daily workload, same as always. I sent Bella a text during lunch, asking if she was feeling better. I wanted to call her, but she probably she wasn't on her lunch break yet.

She answered me an hour later, saying she felt okay, but something told me she was lying. I just wanted to go home and see her, be able to hold her.

A knock at my office door startled me out of my thoughts and I sat up. "Come in."

Tanya poked her head in before walking into the room. "Hey, Edward."

"Hey," I smiled.

She walked over and dropped a manila folder packed with papers on my desk. "These need to be done by Tuesday." She walked around the desk and leaned against it, her arms crossed as she looked down at me. "Why so glum?"

"I'm not." She raised an eyebrow. "Okay. I am. I don't know why. I think Bella's having a bad day and it's putting me down, too."

"Why is she having a bad day?"

I shrugged. "Maybe because she's getting over a cold. Or...okay. I'm gonna tell you something, but this information doesn't leave this room."

She held a hand up. "Scout's honor."

"Okay," I laughed. "We just recently started using condoms, and maybe she doesn't like the way it feels - I mean, that's not what I mean. Maybe she doesn't feel satisfied and she's getting frustrated...so it all caught up with her and now she's irritable?" Bella had to get off the pill because of breakthrough bleeding or something, where the lining of her uterus came off. Now, as much as neither one of us want to, we have to use condoms.

Tanya looked at me for two beats before laughing. "Edward, that makes no sense."

I let out a groan and hit my forehead against my desk with a _thunk_. "I'm an idiot," I said to my shoes.

"Be quiet. How many times have you told me not to say negative things about myself?"

"That was years ago. I've changed." I picked my head up and gave her a small smile. "I'm all for self-destruction now."

She rolled her eyes. "Trust me, Bella's satisfied."

"How do you know? You've never felt me bare."

"Has she said anything about it?"

"No."

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Personally, if I was Bella and it was bothering me, I wouldn't wait until I was frustrated to say something about it. She's just having an off day. We all have them."

"You're probably right. Thanks," I sighed. "Really."

"No problem."

She left and I grabbed the file in front of me, flipping through the pages filled with data and statistics.

Tanya had to be the best ex-girlfriend there was. She never made a situation awkward, and she understood that I would never leave Bella. And she was okay with that.

I stayed until I was able to finish half of the paperwork Tanya gave me, and was finally on my way home at 8:00.

By the time I sat down in the subway, I felt like I'd been running around all day. I laid my head back against the wall and closed my eyes, forcing myself not to go to sleep.

I opened my eyes a few minutes later to a man walking around the subway with a box full of different candies and chocolates, explaining to the passengers that he needed to raise money so he wouldn't have to live on the streets anymore. I learned to block out these sob stories at a young age, but I could really go for something sweet right now. An appetizer before dinner.

I bought a pack of Starburst for $1.00 and chewed each one slowly, savoring the flavor. I saved the pink ones for Bella and put my headphones in as I stepped out of the train, listening to Jay-Z on the way to the bus stop.

I couldn't wait to have dinner and lay down with Bella and Connor.

Maybe she wasn't having a bad day. She was probably over her cold by now and her mood had gotten better. Probably I was just imagining things.

I walked into the apartment and sniffed the air. A hint of tomato sauce. Yummy.

I rounded the corner and saw Bella on her hands and knees, cleaning tomato sauce off the ground while trying to keep Connor from licking the floor.

"Whoa..." I dropped my things and grabbed a bunch of paper towels before pulling Connor to the side by his collar. "Why aren't you listening to her?" He cocked his head to the side and stared up at me. "Go." I pointed to the living room and watched him walk away with his head down. He lay down on the carpet and I quickly got down on the floor to help Bella. "What happened?" I looked at the sauce splattered all over the counters and the broken glass jar by Bella.

"I was gonna make pasta and the jar slipped out of my hand," she said in a hoarse voice. She didn't look up at me, just continued cleaning up the mess.

"Are you still sick?" She sniffled and shook her head "Look at me." She shook her head again and I stopped wiping the floor. "Bella," I said sternly.

My heart dropped when she finally looked at me. Her hair stuck to her tear-stained cheeks, her face blotchy. She took in a shaky breath as I moved next to her and brushed her hair out of the way. "What happened?"

She shrugged. "Nothing."

I pulled her into my lap, her back against my chest, and kissed just above her ear. "Tell me." I put my hand on her forehead. At least she didn't feel warm.

"I hate this day and I hate my job. And I hate the shower in our room, I hate my car, and I hate this stupid sauce."

I hugged her tight and didn't ask for any details. She had to be having a bad day. She loved all of those things - even her rusty old car. "You know, if you hate that car so much, we can get you a new one."

She shook her head and turned to her side to bury her face in my shirt. It broke my heart even more that I couldn't so much as pull a small smile from her.

"You want to go out to the balcony and get some fresh air?"

"No."

"We can watch a movie. Any movie you want."

"I don't want to watch anything."

"I'll finish cleaning up and make the pasta. Go upstairs and lay down for a bit."

We stood up and she made her way to the stairs. "I don't feel like eating anything."

"You have to eat _something_."

I continued cleaning as she went upstairs. I wiped down the counters and fridge before turning to the pot full of water on the stove. I dumped the water into the sink and washed the pot. If Bella didn't want to eat pasta, she wasn't going to, no matter how much I begged.

I grabbed a half-eaten box of Oreos, a pint of Ben & Jerry's Baked Alaska, and filled two glasses with milk. Con came over and I gave him a couple of Oreos before putting everything on a tray and going upstairs.

I pushed the bedroom door closed with my foot and put the tray in front of Bella on the bed. I changed into sweats and didn't bother putting on a shirt. I took my seat on the other side of the tray and was glad to see Bella eating the Oreos.

I looked up at her with a smirk as she wiped her nose. "What, no ice cream?"

Bella looked at me as she dipped her Oreo in the ice cream and shoved it in her mouth.

"That's my girl." I leaned forward and kissed her nose.

She handed me three pieces of Starburst and kept two for herself. I shook my head and pushed her hand back. "They're for you."

I ate two-thirds of the Oreos and Bella ate the rest. At this point, I was glad she was eating something. I didn't care what it was that she ate.

I brought the tray downstairs when we were done and came back upstairs to find the bedroom lights dimmed and Bella sitting on the bed with her back to the door.

"Please tell me you're not crying," I whispered as I made my way over to her.

"I'm not."

I sat in front of her and was relieved to see that she was telling the truth. "Come here." I pulled her into my lap and kissed the top of her head before breathing in the clean scent of her shampoo. We sat in silence for a few minutes, and her evident sorrow was eating me up inside. "Do you want to talk about it now?"

"No." I let out a sigh and looked down in her lap where she was playing with my fingers. "I'm sorry."

"Why? You don't have to be."

"Because if you were having a bad day, you'd tell me about it."

I shrugged. I didn't know what to say. I WOULD vent to her if I was having a bad day. I didn't know why she was holding back, but I didn't want to push her too much.

"It hurts you that I'm not telling you."

"No," I whispered.

"Edward." She moved around until she was straddling my waist with her legs wrapped around my hips.

I put my hands at the small of her back and let out a small sigh. "Yeah. It makes me sad. I thought by now you'd trust me enough to tell me everything without any problems."

"You don't really believe that, do you?" I shrugged. What should I have believed? How could it be possible that Bella still felt uncomfortable talking to me about things? She put her hands on my hips and rubbed small circles with her thumbs, making my skin burn under her touch. "There's no one I trust more than I trust you." I couldn't even count how many times she'd told me that. Maybe she didn't have a problem with trusting me. Maybe I was the one with the problem. I always tried my hardest to be completely honest with Bella, but I felt like sometimes she held things from me because she didn't trust me. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like an idiot. She was my best friend, we'd been engaged for five months, and we were getting married in two months. Of course she trusted me.

"I just don't want to think about today. It makes me even sadder when I talk about it."

"Who did you talk about it to?"

"Caius."

"Mm." I felt a twinge of jealousy and quickly pushed the feeling aside.

She held my gaze for a few seconds and I thought she was going to speak before she looked away. I put a finger on her cheek and pushed her head back to the front. My heart plunged into my stomach at the pained expression on her face. "One of my patients committed suicide today."

I clenched my jaw to keep my mouth from hanging open. "What?"

"Yeah. Caius was there when a nurse told me."

"Which patient?"

"The old man with one leg shorter than the other."

I wrapped my arms around and hugged her tight to my chest, resting my cheek on the top of her head. "I'm sorry, baby."

"So am I. And then a bunch of other stuff happened and...I don't know." She pulled her legs in and curled into a ball in my lap. "I just want this day to end," she said in a quivering voice.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"You've already made my day better. The only thing I looked forward to today was seeing you."

"There has to be something I could do to make you happier."

"Just hold me."

I could do that.

If Bella ever suspected that a patient was in danger of himself or someone else, she had to report it. Obviously she was surprised that this suicide had occurred. I prayed to God that she didn't blame herself for not being able to stop it.

I ran a hand through her hair as I looked into her eyes, searching for any signs of discomfort.

"Why do you want to marry me?"

I pulled back to get a better look at her. "What?" She stayed quiet, questioning me with her eyes. "Because I love you, Bella. More than I could even begin to explain."

"Why?" She asked with a small smile.

I smiled back, glad to see her happy, even for a second. "Because not only did you offer me some of your Starburst, but you offered me three pieces instead of keeping the three pieces for yourself."

She cocked an eyebrow and I made a silly face before laying her down on the bed. I lay down beside her, draped an arm over her waist, and brought a hand up to play with my hair.

I closed my eyes, reveling in the comforting feel of Bella under my arm and my fingers twirling my hair.

"Edward, the lights," Bella murmured.

"Too lazy." Besides, they were dimmed so they weren't a bother. "Good night, Bells."

"Good night, baby." She kissed my cheek before taking my hand out of my hair.

"Stop..." I swatted her hand away and continued playing with my hair.

"Edward," she sighed.

I opened my eyes. "If it bothers you that much, don't look." We kept quiet for a few seconds and I ruffled her hair before twirling my own hair around my fingers again.

"Edward...my _hair_." She mumbled as she combed her fingers through her hair

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Sorry. I forgot you had somewhere important to be."

I know it bothers Bella that I have to play with my hair to go to sleep, but it doesn't hurt anybody, and it puts me at ease.

I'm pretty sure she thinks it's childish, but at least I didn't pick up thumb-sucking.

I awoke to Bella's warm body pressed up against mine, and smiled with relief.

It was Saturday. No work.

I turned my head to look out the window and took in the sound of the rain hitting the glass.

I let out a loud yawn and looked down at Bella when I felt her stir. She nuzzled my neck before kissing just behind my ear. She licked the outer shell of my ear and blew on the same spot, sending air into my ear as well. I shivered as I felt my stomach heat up and a jolt of electricity coursing through my entire body.

I gasped as Bella palmed my hard cock through my boxer-briefs.

I grabbed her hips, turned her over onto her back, and laid my body down on top of hers. I had one hand on her hip and the other in her hair as I nibbled and nipped at her neck.

She grabbed my hair as I pushed the front of my boxers down far enough for my cock to spring forward. I pulled the crotch of Bella's panties to the side and entered her hastily, eliciting gasps from both of us.

Bella mewled and moaned in my ear with each thrust, spurring me on. The feel of her soft panties on the side of my cock felt fucking amazing mixed with the feel of the tight grip her pussy had on it.

She wrapped her legs around my hips as I pushed in and out of her with vigor, the heat in my stomach making its way down south.

"Bells…" I panted, on the brink of my release.

I felt her clench around my dick and knew she was close as well.

I rested my forehead against hers, kissing her between thrusts.

She thrust her hips up to meet mine and I let out a strangled cry as I dropped my head to the crook of her neck.

"Fuck…me…_ungh_…Edward!"

I turned my head in time to see Bella's eyebrows furrow as she came around me, her pelvic muscles clenching and unclenching, literally sucking the cum out of my cock.

"Oh, fuck…yeah…unghhhhh!" I let out a series of grunts as I released into her. I sobered up when she pushed at my chest, subsequently making me slip out of her. My last spurts of cum landed on her stomach, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Get off, get _off_!" Her eyes were wide with panic as she pushed me again.

"What the hell are you doing?" I got off the bed and looked at her incredulously. What the fuck?

"We didn't use a condom!"

I stared at her, dumbfounded. I blinked twice, not able to do much else. "Oh."

Shit.

* * *

**This story is nowhere near over yet. There's something I'm building up to, so please just be patient! I know the chapters aren't so great right now, but I'm trying to move the story along quickly, wrap everything up, and still build up to what I'm building up to (if that made any sense).**

**Anyway, if I was Bella, I would've probably shoved Edward completely off the bed instead of pushing at his chest…but that's just me.**

**Do you think Bella's pregnant? What do you think they're going to do?**

**Please review!**


	36. Just Me & U, With the World in Our Hands

**I'm so sorry this took forever! I'm completely swamped with work and school.  
I moved things along really quickly in this chapter, because I need to get this story moving.**

Thanks for sticking with me thus far!

**- JayBee**

* * *

**EPOV**

"What do you mean, _oh_?"

"I forgot." Shit, shit, shit.

"Obviously," she huffed.

"Why is it my fault? Why didn't you remember? You started it."

"You were hard!" She stomped over to the bathroom and wiped her stomach clean with a washcloth.

"I'm always hard in the morning! It's called morning wood!" How the hell could she blame this shit on me?

"Stop yelling!"

"I'm not fucking yelling!" Okay, so sue me. I was yelling. But she yelled first.

She went to slam the door but I was quick to move into the doorway. "Move!" She glared at me.

"Not until we talk about this."

"At least let me take a shower and get dressed first," she said with an attitude. At least she wasn't yelling anymore.

"Can I join?"

"No," she said quietly. "I want some time alone to think."

"About what?"

"About the fact that I don't want a baby right now."

"Why not?"

"We'll talk later."

She closed the door and I made my way over to the hall bathroom to take a quick shower. I wrote _I love you_ on a Post-It note and stuck it on the closet door. I wanted Bella to know that I wasn't mad at her. I just wanted to know what the big deal was. Was this a girl thing?

I got dressed in grey sweatpants and a wife beater and made my way downstairs.

I lay down on the sofa and turned on the TV as Connor came over and lay down on my stomach. I didn't understand why Bella had gotten so mad. Yeah, it was true that we hadn't planned a child, but it wasn't something to get mad over. Why didn't she want one? We'd both agreed that we'd have children when the time came.

I pushed Con off me when he got too heavy and turned on my side to see the TV more comfortably.

Bella came down fifteen minutes later with the note in her hand and sat on the couch next to the sofa, her knees to her chest. "I love you, too," she said softly.

I looked at her for a while, still laid down on my side. "You're not mad?"

She shook her head. "No."

"If you want, we can go get Plan B."

"No."

"You want me to go get it? I don't mind. You don't have to come."

She let out a small sigh. "I don't want Plan B."

"Maybe you're not pregnant. There's a chance you might not be."

"A very small chance."

"Why don't you want a baby, Bella?" And at that moment, I got a weird tingling in my stomach. I wanted a child – so badly. I wanted to be a father. I wanted to care for and love a child.

"For a lot of reasons."

"That's funny. I can't even think of _one_." I tilted my head to look up at her when she didn't answer. "Tell me why."

"You don't think it's too soon in the relationship for us to have a baby?"

"No. Even if we weren't engaged…it wouldn't be too soon. I'd love to have a little baby boy or girl with you." There. I said it.

She kept quiet, and I muted the volume on the television before sitting up to look at her. I hope I wasn't freaking her out. I was only speaking the truth, but to be honest, I was kind of scaring myself with how badly I wished she was pregnant.

"What else?"

"You don't think we're too young?"

"We're 24."

"That's young."

"As long as we're not young enough to be on Teen Mom, we're good."

She laughed and threw a pillow at my head. "I'm trying to have a serious moment!"

I put the pillow under my head. "So am I. We're not too young."

"What if I don't make a good mom?"

I was quick to get to my feet and sat on the floor by her feet. I pulled her legs down. "What are you talking about? You'd make a wonderful mom." She would. She had so much to offer, so much love to give.

"I always said I'd be married before I had a baby."

"You will be married before you have a baby." Even if she was pregnant right now, we'd be married before the baby came.

"Everyone's going to think we got married because I got pregnant."

I let out a small laugh and kissed her knee. "We sent the invitations out months ago. They would know you got pregnant afterward." I wrapped my hands around her calves and kissed her other knee. "Do you want to change the date of the wedding?"

She shook her head. "It won't be fair to the guests."

"It's for us. Not for them."

"I want to keep the original date."

I kissed the side of her knee and peppered kisses up her thigh, stopping when she put her hand in my hair.

"And I didn't want it to happen this way. I didn't want to get pregnant from a...fuck. I wanted to make love. We didn't even take our clothes off!"

"If it helps, we didn't have much clothing on to begin with."

"I didn't want the baby to be a mistake," she whispered.

"It's not a mistake. If you're gonna call it anything, call it a surprise."

"Same thing."

"Not at all." I kissed up her other thigh, happy that she didn't stop me this time. She ran her hand through my hair lightly before letting it rest on my upper back. "Are you feeling better than you were yesterday?" I asked against her smooth skin. I didn't have to explain that I wasn't referring to her cold.

"Yeah."

"No more being sad?"

"No," her voice waivered.

I averted my eyes to her. "Just scared?"

"No." She let out a long sigh. "I don't know what to feel anymore." Her words were barely audible.

I pushed one of her short's legs up with my thumb and kissed the inside of her thigh. "Just feel me, baby." She flexed her thigh when I scraped my teeth lightly against her skin. "Promise me something?"

"Mhm."

I pushed myself up and put a hand on the couch on either side of her head.

"For the next few minutes, don't worry about anything, okay? Just take what I have to offer."

"Okay."

I kissed her nose before kissing her lips softly. I felt her body relax and mold into the couch as I deepened the kiss.

I hooked my fingers into the waistband of her shorts and kissed her ear. "Lift up." She lifted her hips and I slid down her shorts and panties.

I got settled on my knees and splayed both hands across her stomach, reveling in the soft feel of her skin under my fingertips. I lowered my head between her legs and kissed her bare pussy. I covered her lips and lower stomach in kisses, taking my time pleasing her. I felt dizzy as her scent mixed with the scent if her body wash surrounded me.

She pushed my head down. "Don't tease," she breathed.

I looked up at her with a smirk. "I'm not trying to. Just enjoy it."

She giggled when I bent my head lower. I looked up at her and cocked an eyebrow. "Your hair is damp. It's tickling me!"

I separated her lips with my thumbs and flicked my tongue back and forth across her clit quickly, making her giggles turn into moans. That's better.

I rubbed circles over her swollen clit with my thumb as I probed her entrance with the tip of my tongue.

"Fuck…" she gasped. "More! Edward…"

Sometimes I missed the beginning of our relationship because during those times, we would tell each other exactly what we liked, and I liked that.

But at the same time, I was glad that we knew exactly what the other liked and disliked.

I grabbed her ankles and slung her legs over my shoulders. I continued lapping at her slit as her moans grew louder.

We both jumped when Connor barked, and Bella covered her mouth with her hand.

I pulled her hand away. "I wanna hear you."

"Connor."

"I don't care." I held both of her hands in mine to make sure she wouldn't stifle the sounds she made.

She began writhing on the couch and locked her ankles behind me as she freed her hand from my grasp and held my head down.

"Ugh, fuck! Baby, baby...I'm..."

I sucked on her clit as she screamed my name, her flesh throbbing against my lips. She let out a strangled cry as she came against my tongue. I lapped at her juices eagerly, not wanting to waste any.

I continued licking and sucking as Bella rode out the waves of her orgasm, whispering my name over and over as she wound down and slouched against the couch.

I kissed her wet pussy lips and looked up at her with a smirk.

She ruffled my hair and pulled me up to look into my eyes. "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you, too." I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen. She began making chocolate chip pancakes as I washed my hands and set the table. I sat down at the table and looked up at Bella as she put a couple of pancakes on each plate.

She kissed my forehead before sitting down across me. "What do you want to do today?"

Connor padded over to the table and I dropped a pancake on the floor for him. Bella made a disgusted face, and to my surprise, she didn't say anything about getting the floor dirty.

I was glad she seemed to have forgotten about the whole pregnancy talk. I looked out at the rain. Today would be a perfect day to do absolutely nothing. "How about we watch a movie – anything besides _White Chicks_ and _The Notebook_, have sex, watch TV, have sex, watch a movie, have sex, see what our families are up to, watch a movie, have sex, shower, and then sleep?"

"Can we cuddle too?"

"But of course. It's raining outside." I stuck my tongue out and made a funny face, eliciting a bubbly laugh from her.

"Oh, one more question."

"Hm?"

"Protection or not?"

I was afraid to give an honest answer. But…if I was honest with myself, I had to be honest with Bella. I couldn't bear the thought of lying to her about anything, let alone something this serious. I put my fork down and looked down at my plate. I didn't want to see her face if she didn't want the same thing I did. "…Or not," I whispered.

I felt her hand ghost over mine on the table and looked up to meet her gaze when she laced her fingers in mine. I couldn't read her expression. Her face was a blank slate. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"You want to try?"

"Yeah. But if you don't want –"

She squeezed my hand. "I do."

I felt my stomach drop and my heart swell. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"So if you're pregnant…you won't…I don't know…cry?"

"From joy, maybe." She smiled, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"So…do you wanna? Before we watch a movie?"

"And after."

I got up and pulled her to her feet. "No problem."

"And in between."

"Sounds good to me." I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder as I carried her upstairs.

I don't know why, but as I put her down when we got to the bedroom, I felt nervous around Bella for the first time in years.

* * *

Well, I don't know if it because of the time we did it that morning or the five times we tried after that morning, but Bella was pregnant.

She was two months along, and showed slightly. Just thinking about her pregnancy made me grin.

"What are you cheesing so hard about?" Emmett asked me.

"Nothing. Just…excited." I fixed my bowtie in the mirror and turned to look at Emmett. I let out a loud sigh. "Do I look okay?"

"You look great. Are you having second thoughts about this?"

"What? No. I can't wait to get this over with and go to the party."

Everything about this day seemed surreal. I couldn't believe I was getting married. But it was easy to believe that I was going to spend the rest of my life with Bella.

We left the back room of the church and made our way over to the altar. I looked out at all of our friends and family sitting on the benches and looked around at all the stained glass windows.

I forced myself to breathe slowly and evenly as everyone rose for Bella's entrance.

I breathed in deeply when I saw her appear, her arm around her father's as they walked toward me. Her long white gown was embroidered with beads, her hair up in a bun, her make-up flawless.

There wasn't enough oxygen in the air, and I found myself gulping in air. My vision blurred and I hurried to blink away the tears, not wanting to muddy the image before me.

I'd never seen anything as gorgeous as the sight of Bella before me at this moment.

I looked down at her as she smiled up at me, tears welling in her eyes. I prayed that she wouldn't cry, because I wouldn't be able to stop my own tears from overflowing.

As she recited her vows, I felt as if my heart would tear through my chest. I got a weird feeling in my stomach, a cross between butterflies and nausea. Everything around me faded away except for Bella and her sweet voice, and it took everything in me not to pull her to me and hold her tight.

When it was my turn to speak, I almost choked on my own saliva, but caught myself in time. My palms were beyond clammy as I looked into Bella's eyes and forced the beginning words of my love for her out through my lips.

As I stood there and spoke to my Bella, it killed me to know that no matter how much and in what way I told her I loved her, I could never put my true feelings into words. It wasn't possible for me to explain how much I loved her.

Even as we said "I do," I couldn't bring myself to look away from Bella. I couldn't. I didn't want to. I wanted this image of her, as she was, engrained in my head for the rest of my life.

We made our way back up the aisle, my heart pounding in my chest as I held Bella's hand.

I said a quick prayer before we exited the church and everyone followed behind us. Bella turned to me, smiling from ear to ear. "Are you excited about the reception?"

"Mhm." I smiled and nodded. I couldn't bring myself to speak. What if I failed as a husband and a father?

But…ugh! No. I couldn't think that way. I wouldn't want Bella to think of herself that way and I know she wouldn't want me to think of myself that way.

We would make great parents. And nothing had changed in our relationship now that we were married. Bella had taken my last name, that was all. We were still the same people and still loved each other unconditionally.

* * *

"Edward," Bella murmured in my dream. "Babe."

I opened my eyes when I realized she was calling my name in real life. I stared into the darkness of our bedroom for a second before closing my eyes again. "Hmm?" I felt myself drifting back to sleep when she tugged on my ear. I turned my head to look at her. "What the _hell_?" I grumbled.

"I want ice cream."

"Great. Go downstairs and get some." I turned back onto my stomach.

"We don't have any left."

"We'll get some tomorrow," I said into my pillow.

"Can you go get me some?" Bella whispered. "Please?" She added in a small voice.

"You go get it." I didn't have the energy to have this conversation, let alone go get ice cream.

"Edward…" she whined. I could tell she was pouting, and I was glad the room was dark enough that I couldn't see her.

"Just go to sleep."

"I can't. I want ice cream."

I threw the covers back and got up, letting out a long breath as I pulled a pair of sweats on. "Strawberry?"

She moved to sit up. "Chocolate."

I stared hard, my eyes straining to see her in the dark. "Bella. You hate chocolate."

"No I don't."

I threw on a hoodie as I made my way down the stairs. It was 1:30 AM, so I went to the one store that was open. I drove over to A&P and quickly made my way to the ice cream aisle.

Bella was five months pregnant, and we last month we found out that we were gonna have a baby girl. The only part that was wearing me out was that every week, Bella had a new craving. Last week it was fried pickles with mustard, and the week before that, it was hot dogs and bacon. At least ice cream wasn't something weird – except for the fact that she wanted chocolate. That was completely out of character.

I grabbed a tub of chocolate ice cream and finally made my way back home, cursing at the cold weather on the way up the walkway to the building.

I took the elevator up and opened the door to the apartment slowly, still half asleep. I grabbed two spoons from the kitchen and made my way to the bedroom, grateful that Connor didn't follow me up.

I sighed when I turned on the bedroom light. Bella had fallen asleep, sitting on the bed with her back to the headboard. I laid her down slowly before turning her onto her side. I brought the ice cream downstairs and made my way back up, closing the light before crawling in next to Bella. I kissed her cheek before draping my arm around her waist and rubbing her belly.

"Good night, baby." I pulled her closer to me.

"Mhm."

This was basically how my nights were for the past couple of months, and sometimes I thought I might go crazy if I had to do this for four more months.

I finally drifted off to sleep, and woke up to an amazing sensation down below. I pulled back the covers and was met with Bella's eyes looking up at me, her soft hair splayed across my thighs as she suckled on the tip of my cock.

She pulled away with a _pop _and smiled up at me. "Good morning."

My head lolled back as I groaned. "Good morning…" Have I mentioned how much I love my wife?

Bella continued her teasing, placing open-mouth kisses all along my cock, nipping, licking, and suckling its length.

My hips bucked up, and I looked at Bella hopefully, only to have her pull away with a smirk.

"No teasing," I whined. "Put it…in – _fuck_!" I yelled as she flicked her thumb over the leaking head. "…your mouth…"

I couldn't take the twisting in my lower abdomen anymore. I breathed a sigh of relief as she took me in her mouth, but growled down at her when she just lay there with my cock in her mouth. "Do something…_ungh_…with it!"

She pulled off again and blew on the head, making my hips jerk. "Like what?" She asked innocently. She was gonna fucking kill me.

"Suck it…_please_…"

And to that she complied. It took all of two minutes for me to get to the brink once she began sucking and licking like a pro.

I tapped the back of her head, letting her know. "Babe, I'm gonna…fuck you're amazing…_fuck_…"

She sat up and jerked me off to my climax, cupping her palm over my tip to catch my release. It was hard work letting her know when I was going to cum when I was so close to climax, but she didn't want to swallow while she was pregnant – she was afraid it would affect the baby or something. I didn't really mind, and besides, we didn't have to use a condom while she was pregnant – that more than made up for it.

Bella cleaned us up and came back with a big grin on her face as she straddled my waist. I pushed the hem of her oversized shirt up and grabbed her hips, trying to guide her back. If she would…just…scoot back. I looked up at her. "Move back a little."

She shook her head and took my hands in hers. "We don't have time."

I threw my head back. "I don't wanna go to work," I whined. "Can I just stay home and you can go to work?"

"Sure. Just get pregnant."

"I'm gonna look into that." She laughed as she got up and I followed suit. I got ready and met her downstairs, reluctant to leave after I drank my coffee. I kissed Bella as I made my way to the door. "Bye, baby. Love you." I kneeled down and put a hand on her stomach. "Bye, baby. Love you, too." Before I pulled away, she kicked and I put everything down as I looked up at Bella. "She's kicking more and more often now."

Bella smiled down at me and ran a hand through my hair. "When you speak, yeah."

I kissed them both goodbye before finally leaving for work.

* * *

"I'm fat!" Bella cried as she looked at herself in the mirror.

"What are you talking about?" I rolled my eyes for what seemed like the thousandth time this month. For the past two months, Bella's emotions have been taking her – and me – on a serious rollercoaster ride. She was seven months along now, and personally, I couldn't wait for her to give birth already.

"Look at my thighs. They're gigantic."

"They're fine." I turned and made my way downstairs, plopping down on the couch as I turned the TV on.

Bella followed me down and blocked my view of the TV. "My stomach is freaking huge."

"Uh…because you're pregnant?"

"No! It's not the pregnancy. My ankles and wrists are fat, too!"

I cocked an eyebrow. "What…? You look the same as always. Just…with a bigger stomach."

She sniffled a few times and I could sense a fresh brew of tears coming. "Because I'm –"

"Pregnant! Bella, you're not fucking fat. Not even close." I motioned for her to move out of the way and she sat on the other couch, sulking in her own little world.

I had no problem consoling her, but this was getting out of hand. Bella had her low days just like everyone else, but she had never truly believed she was ugly or overweight, and she had no reason to believe either.

Trying to make her feel better didn't even work anymore. I don't know how much stronger her hormones were going to get, but she was starting to really annoy me.

"You don't even care about me…" she mumbled as she looked at the ground.

I quickly averted my eyes to her and stared until she caught me looking. How could she fucking think that? Even if she wasn't thinking straight, how could she ever think that? "Jesus, fuck." I turned back to the TV and turned the volume up.

"Stop cursing."

I felt my temper peak, and had to physically force myself to calm down. I clenched and unclenched my fists, struggling to keep my breathing steady. "If I want to fucking curse, I'll fucking curse. Fuck."

"Whatever. Idiot." I bit my tongue to keep myself from telling her to shut the fuck up. She stood and went upstairs, and I grabbed the phone and made my way into the kitchen. I dialed Alice and Jasper's number, thankful that they had their own place as well.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey. It's me."

"_Hey, what's up?"_

"Nothing. Can I ask for a favor?"

"_Depends."_

I could hear her smiling, but I really wasn't in the mood to be joking around. "Could you…like…take Bella out for a couple of hours?"

"_Um…yeah. She wants to hang out?"_

"_I_ want her to hang out."

"_What?"_

"I want her to get out," I ground out.

"_Why?"_ We sat in silence for a few seconds. _"Ohhh…are you two fighting? What happened?"_

"She's fucking psycho, is what happened." I was pacing back and forth, with Connor right at my feet doing the same thing.

"_Edward, don't be mean to her. She's going through a rough time."_

"_She's_ going through a rough time? Alice, I haven't fucking slept in months. The only time I get any sleep is on the weekends, because I'm too busy granting her every wish! And do I fucking complain? No."

"_Well, you _should_ be helping her."_

"I do." I pinched the bridge of my nose and shut my eyes tight. "I just…can't take this shit anymore, Alice. Just take her out and talk to her."

"_Alright. I'm on my way, but I can't say anything to her. She's not acting this way on purpose."_

"Okay just take her out."

"_I'm coming. Bye."_

I hung up the phone and looked around the kitchen with my hands on my hips. I know what I could do.

I grabbed every jar and bottle I could find, and began tightening the tops so she wouldn't be able to open any of them. I'd done this once before, and it worked like a charm. At this point, I didn't care if I was doing shit out of spite.

Bella stomped down the stairs as I was tightening the top of a jar full of alfredo sauce. "I'm not psycho! _You're_ fucking psycho!"

I crossed my arms across my chest and leaned against the counter. "Stop cursing," I said mockingly.

"Shut up."

"Why? So you can run your mouth uninterrupted?"

She narrowed her eyes at me, like she was trying to zap me with laser beams or some shit. "Shut. The. Hell. Up!"

I motioned to her stomach. "Why can't you just pop that thing out already so you can stop being such a bitch and we can get on with our fucking lives?"

"She's not a _thing_. She's our daughter, you heartless dick."

"Whatever." I brushed past her and walked out the door.

I sat at the top of the stairs and put my head between my legs, breathing deeply. I'd wait until Alice got here and then I'd go take a walk or something. I wanted to leave so badly – to just put some distance between Bella and me. But I couldn't just leave her all alone.

All at once, the guilt of my words weighed me down on the stairs.

I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on my arms. I sat there for what felt like forever, finally realizing that Alice wasn't showing up.

I heard a door open down the hall, and scooted over to the wall to give the person room to walk down.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Bella easing herself down on the stair next to me.

"Alice didn't come," I said in a small voice. I almost rolled my eyes at my attempt at making conversation.

"I know. I called her after you left and told her I didn't want to go out."

"I'm sorry."

"I am, too."

"No," I shook my head. "I'm sorry I left you."

"You didn't. You're right here."

"Bella, your husband's a Grade A asshole." I turned to look at her. It felt weird to admit it, but it was true. How could I say shit like that? Bella wasn't a bitch. And our baby…how could I speak about her that way?

"You're not."

"I am. Look at the way I'm treating you. I'm stressing you out, and obviously that's not good for you or the baby. And how could I call our daughter a thing? Who does that?" I held my head in my hand as Bella took my other hand in hers.

"A loving husband."

I looked at her like she was crazy. "I'm beginning to think you really are psycho."

She laughed lightly and bumped her body into mine. "Shut up…what I mean is that I'm glad you're not afraid to hurt my feelings. I know that sounds weird, but I'm glad you say what's on your mind when you're mad, without holding back."

"But I hurt you."

"And I hurt you right back."

I shook my head, smiling as I looked at her. "You didn't hurt me, Bella." By this point in our relationship, I learned not to believe the things she said when she was yelling.

"I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the ass."

"You're fine. Besides, as annoyed as I get sometimes, in the end I like doing nice things for you. You know that."

She leaned into me and laid her head on my shoulder. "I know. I love you."

"I love you, too. Always."

Bella brought my hand to her stomach, placing her hand over mine as the baby kicked repeatedly.

I smiled at Bella as my heart soared, and promised myself that I would make sure we didn't fight in front of the baby – well, not too much.

Because even though we knew our fights didn't mean anything major to us, I knew it would affect our children. Who wants to see their parents at each other's throats?

I kissed Bella on the cheek as I rubbed her belly. This child was my life already, and she wasn't even born yet. "So I was thinking of names yesterday…" Shit. Did I just blurt that out?

Bella sat up to look at me. "Did you buy a book?"

"No. Just thought of some off the top of my head."

"Anything you really like?"

I nodded as I eyed her warily. "One." We sat in silence for a few seconds. I didn't know if she would like the name for our child, and frankly, I was afraid she'd…cry…or something.

"So…are you gonna tell me, or…?"

"I was thinking of…Renee?"

"Edward –"

"Only if you want to," I rushed out. I didn't know if she would be up to naming the baby after her mother. "We can name her whatever you want to. I'll get you a bunch of books."

"It's not fair to your mom."

"Bella, she wouldn't mind." I nuzzled her neck, breathing in her scent. "Besides, we can always try for more daughters and name one of them after her."

She squirmed against me and laughed as she brought a hand up to my hair and held me against her. "What if we have a boy?"

I kissed her neck and spoke against her smooth skin. "We'll think of something."

She slipped her hand between my thighs, and my breath hitched as my heart began working double-time. "Do you want to maybe go try for more daughters?"

I nodded my head fervently, scrambling to get to my feet and help her up. Of course her question didn't make any sense right now, but I didn't care.

I led her down the hallway and into our apartment, smiling from ear to ear as we walked up the stairs to our bedroom.

* * *

**I know many of you were hoping she wasn't pregnant, but I think they're ready, even if they do argue a lot.**

**Please review!**


	37. Hesistate To Surrender Our Insecrities

**Enjoy! :)**

**- JayBee  
**

* * *

**BPOV**

"And how are my girls doing today?" Edward asked as he walked in and bent down to give me a kiss. He kneeled lower to kiss my stomach.

"Good. We're ready," I said with a smile.

"Let's go."

I followed him out the apartment door. We were going to go meet Alice and Jasper at Brother's Pizzeria for dinner, so Edward had come home to pick me up after work. I was due in three weeks, and Edward didn't want me driving unless I absolutely had to. He helped me into his BMW X5 before getting in and starting the car.

Edward had gotten the SUV last month after selling his precious Emily. He said the SUV was safer for the baby, and it would be easier putting her car seat in and out. He didn't seem too distraught over selling his Audi, but I had convinced myself that he cried in private.

I was glad the pizzeria was near our house because I had to pee – badly. This baby thought my bladder was a toy.

As soon as I got out of the car, I made a beeline for the bathroom. By the time I got back to where Edward was sitting at a square table, he had ordered my root beer and a liter of Coke for everyone else. I sat next to him so Alice and Jasper could sit across us.

"Alice called. They're almost here."

"Good. I can't wait to see them," I said as I sipped on my soda. I hadn't seen Alice and Jasper in a while, mainly because Edward and I had been busy getting ready for the baby's arrival, and Alice and Jasper had been busy working and making renovations in their new home. Edward had told me that Jasper was going to propose to Alice sometime soon. It was the biggest secret I'd ever had to keep from her, but obviously it was important not to let her know if Jasper wanted it to be a surprise.

I looked around the restaurant, noting the mellow colors of the walls and the wooden chairs and tables. I loved this place, merely for the fact that it was so…chill.

When Alice and Jasper arrived, we all ordered. We got a large pepperoni pizza, a large salad pizza, and I got a cheesesteak with mushrooms, peppers, and onions.

I took two slices of pizza and began eating them, saving the best – the cheesesteak – for last.

Edward cocked an eyebrow and looked at me sideways. "You're gonna eat all that?"

"Yeah." I was starving. I turned back to Alice and leaned in to whisper. "By the way, Edward didn't let me do that thing."

"What thing?" She sat back as it dawned on her. "Ohhh, _that_ thing." The boys turned to look at us curiously and we took a quick glance at them before leaning in to whisper again. "Jasper loved it."

"How did you get him to say it was okay?"

"Huh?"

"When I asked Edward about it, he said no. He said nothing is ever going in there. How did you get Jasper to say he'd let you do it?"

The last time we hung out, Alice and I had read in Cosmo that while giving a guy a blow job or hand job, if you passed the barrier of his perineum and pressed right behind his balls with your finger, it would intensify his orgasm. I was eager to try it, only to have Edward flat out say no.

"Bella, don't _ask_. Just do it! Of course guys will say no. They think they're too macho for that shit."

Well, I couldn't try it now that he'd already said no. He'd always let me touch it, and that seemed to be enough for him. He just…wouldn't let me pass it.

I jerked my head toward Edward when he nudged my knee with his. "What are you two whispering about over there?"

I smiled sweetly. "Nothing."

After my two slices, I was only able to finish half of my cheesesteak. Edward looked at me with a smirk and I rolled my eyes. "Alright, fine. I can't finish it. You win." I poked his side and gave him the other half of my hero.

When we finally got home, I laid down on the living room floor on my side, petting Connor as he lay down in front of me.

Edward made his way over from the kitchen. "Babe, you want ice cream?"

"Don't mention food," I whined. I was beyond stuffed.

Edward came and sat next to me on the floor, a bowl of ice cream in his lap. He shooed Con away a few times before Con stopped trying to get food, and I laughed as I watched. Even that simple gesture of interacting with Connor, just telling him no, made me love Edward that much more. It wasn't because he was saying no to Connor, but it was the way he interacted with him, with no effort. The ease of affection he showed Connor and me left no doubt in my mind of how much he would love our daughter.

He looked at me through his eyelashes, his head bent down toward his bowl. "What? I have ice cream on my face?" He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

I smiled up at him and took his hand in mine. "No."

We sat in silence as Edward finished his ice cream. When he was finished, he went to wash the bowl, and came back to lay down next to me, his head propped up in his hand as he was facing me. "I love you," he whispered as he looked down at me.

My heart melted as my eyes roamed his face before landing on his eyes. I looked into the pools of emerald before smiling up at him. "I love you, too."

"You're so beautiful, Bells. So…" He trailed off as he brought a hand up to cup my face and stroke my cheek with his thumb. I turned my head and kissed the inside of his palm, taking in his scent as I closed my eyes. "Babe." I opened my eyes to see him looking out the window behind me. "It's snowing."

I couldn't turn my head enough to see out the window, and I wasn't allowed to lie on my back because it wasn't good for the baby. "Can you help me up? I want to watch."

"Of course." He scrambled to his feet and helped me up before leading me to the window that overlooked our balcony.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and spread his long fingers across my stomach. He kissed my neck before resting his chin on my shoulder and looking out the window. I shuddered at the touch of his lips against my skin as I watched the snow fall silently outside. I sighed and leaned back into Edward. "I love the nighttime."

"I know," he murmured against my ear.

"And the snow."

"I know that, too." He rubbed his hands along my belly, and the baby kicked weakly, then more strongly. Edward looked down. "What's going on in there?" he asked with a smirk.

I shrugged and looked down. "A party?"

"Am I invited?" He asked as he skimmed his nose along my jaw.

"Of – of course," I stammered. "You're her favorite person."

"And what about the party in your pants? Am I invited to that, too?"

I turned my head slightly toward him, but still looked out the window. "I said yes," I smiled.

"No. I mean…" Edward lifted my shirt and dipped his hand in the maternity pants. Though he couldn't reach between my legs, he lowered his hand as far is it would go past my belly. "…down here. The 'adults only' party. Am I invited to that?"

My breath hitched in my throat. "VIP."

"Mm…" He turned me around to face him and ran his hands through my hair as he looked down at me. "Do you have any idea how sexy you are?"

"I don't feel sexy." I felt like crap. He dipped the tips of his finger in my waistband again, but I stopped him before he could get far. "Edward…"

"Yes, love?" He nuzzled my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"I'm wearing granny panties," I mumbled. "And my legs are hairier than yours."

"They are not," he chuckled against my skin. "Do you want me to…?"

"No," I sighed. I hadn't shaved my legs in two weeks, and though Edward had willingly shaved my legs and…everything else…for the past few months, I felt bad for making him do it.

"Well…I can assure you that I don't care how hairy you get. You're still my Bella, and you're still beyond attractive." Though his words were simple, I felt my heart soar at what he said. I wished I could hug him then, if only the huge bulge of my stomach didn't get in the way. I loved this man more than anything in the world. No matter how many times we fought or argued, it was moments like this that made me know we'd always be together. "And if wearing granny panties bother you so much…I can solve that problem."

"How?" I asked innocently, though I knew exactly what he was going to say.

To my surprise, he kept quiet and pulled my pants down in one motion. He pulled the curtains shut before making his way back over to me and hooking his finger in the waistband of my panties. I bit my lip to keep from telling him that I looked like I was growing a forest down there. He would just tell me that I was exaggerating and that it didn't matter to him.

So I let him pull my panties down without uttering a sound of protest, and smiled up at him as he stood up slowly and smirked down at me. He removed my hoodie and made an appreciative noise at the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra.

"Fuck, babe…I love your tits…" I almost laughed, only because he always seemed amazed at how much they'd grown. I watched in anticipation as Edward kissed his way down to my breasts before taking a nipple into his mouth. I cradled his head in my palm and gasped as he flicked his tongue against the sensitive bud. He began sucking and pulled his head back just as quickly. He swallowed with a grimace. "I forgot." He shook his head. "I can't. I'm sorry. It's…weird."

I pulled him up and kissed his chin. I had already begun lactating, and a couple of times we'd forgotten, so he'd gotten a little taste. "No reason to be sorry. I keep forgetting, too. And trust me, I don't want you drinking my breast milk any more than you do."

He let out a soft chuckle as he slowly turned me around and moved my hair to the side. He suckled the skin just behind my ear before moving to my neck. I fisted his hair in my hand, eliciting a groan from his perfect lips.

He placed one hand just below my breast as his other hand crept down my back.

He kneaded my ass, stroking and squeezing it softly. "Perfect," he whispered. "Isabella, please…can we…" My heart thumped against my chest at the mention of my full name, knowing it was reserved for him to use only when we were intimate.

"Hm?" was all I could muster. My breaths were coming in short pants, the way they usually did after a bit of foreplay. But here we were, we'd barely done anything, and I was already panting.

Edward rubbed the bulge in his jeans against my ass, making my breath hitch for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight. "Please," he begged, his voice strained. He rubbed small circles with his finger just above my crack before pushing his finger between my cheeks. I tensed, knowing what he was asking. He'd been asking the same question for a little over a year now, though he'd only asked a few times.

"Edward…"

"Okay, I'm sorry," he whispered quickly. He removed his hand as if my skin had burned him, and I felt a twinge of guilt low in my stomach.

"Okay." Every time he'd asked to try anal sex, I had said no. Neither of us had tried it with anyone else, and I kept telling him we'd try it "one day." Well, that day as today. If he wanted to try something new, I would try it. Even though he kept asking, he never once pressured me to do anything I didn't want to in bed. He wouldn't let me do that thing from Cosmo, but I couldn't hold that against him. If he didn't feel comfortable, he didn't feel comfortable. That was the end of it.

"Okay, what?"

"Let's do it."

"Bella…I don't want you to think –"

"No. I'm ready." I nodded my head for emphasis.

He turned me around to face him, and looked me in the eye. He was trying to check if I had any doubts, but he could check all he wanted. I was positive that I was ready.

"I want to hear you say it." His voice was steady, his firm gaze holding mine.

"What?"

"Tell me what you want me to do to you." I looked down at his crotch – it had to be beyond painful. He was almost bursting at the seams. "Bells, look at me." I averted my gaze back up. "Tell me."

"I want you to do it."

"No. Tell me what you want me to do to you." I felt my cheeks burn at what Edward was asking me to do and dropped my head to his shoulder. "Babe, don't get shy on me_ now_."

He held my shoulders and pushed me back up, making me look at him. I murmured what he wanted to hear and looked away.

He hooked his finger under my chin and turned my head to look at him. "Bells, if you can't even say it, then I don't want –"

"I want you to fuck me in the ass," I huffed.

He kissed my forehead and I couldn't help but stare at his crooked smile. "Well, you didn't have to say it like _that_. I mean, that was pretty vulgar."

I shoved his shoulder playfully. "Shut up. That's what you wanted to hear."

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," he said as he held my cheek in his hand. "But at least I got to see that pretty blush of yours." I smiled and turned my head to kiss the inside of his palm. "I needed to hear you say it. To know that you meant it and you weren't just doing it because I was asking." Of course I was doing it for him, but I also wanted to experience it for myself. "You know it's going to hurt." I nodded, fully aware of the pain it would cause. I'd read about it enough times in magazines. My hands went to the button on Edward's jeans, popping it open before pulling his zipper down. He groaned at the relief he felt, and I felt myself get wetter. He held my wrists as I was pulling his pants down. "Do you want to take this upstairs? You're gonna have to be on your hands and knees." I nodded and he wasted no time as he kicked his jeans off and lead me upstairs. I wouldn't have minded doing it in the living room, but the carpet would hurt me after a while.

I got on my hands and knees on the bed as soon as we walked into the bedroom. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, but I wanted to do this – for both of us. Edward closed the door to make sure Connor wouldn't come in, and turned to face me slowly. "You can stand if you want to. I just thought this would be…easier."

"I'm fine. You're right. It will be easier this way."

He made his way over to me slowly and got on his knees behind me. "I feel like doing it this way will make it even more…degrading…than it already is."

"It's better this way. For us and for the baby." He'd taken me in this position a countless number of times. Though, that was when we were having raunchy sex. Not when we were…doing anything like this.

"Should we wait until after the baby gets here?"

I sat down with a sigh and faced him. "Do you not want to do this, Edward?"

"I do. I just want you to be comfortable."

"I am comfortable," I said with a smile. I would physically be uncomfortable no matter how or when we did this. I wasn't worried about how long Edward's cock was. He was just…a lot wider than most guys. "I agreed to do this, Edward. Just let me know whatever you need me to do to make this good for you."

He nodded and I got back in position. "You know, it kills me to hear you say that. 'To make this good for you.' I know this isn't going to be the least bit pleasant for you until you get used to my size. Promise me you'll let me know when it gets to be too much."

I nodded. "I promise." I knew he needed to hear me say it.

"And I promise I'll go as slow as possible."

"I know. I trust you."

I felt the bed shift as Edward moved closer. He put one hand on the small of my back and I looked back to see him stroke his cock a few times before rubbing the tip along my crack. "Baby, you have to relax."

I turned back around, facing the door. "I'm trying." I was beyond scared at this point. I knew he'd stop if I showed the slightest bit of uncertainty, but I wouldn't. The look of concern and desire in his eyes made me sure I wanted to do this.

When I relaxed enough, he nudged my hole with the tip of his cock, making me tense up again. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"It's fine. No rush." He waited for me to relax again. "I'm just going to put the head in, okay?"

"Mhm." I felt a mix of emotions as my desire for him grew because of the what he was saying, and as my anxiety rose from what he was about to do. He pushed in ever so slowly, and I realized I was holding my breath when the head was in.

I let out a whoosh of air as he groaned above me. "_Fuckkk_, Bella. You're fucking tight! Shit…it already feels too good." He stayed still for a few seconds. "You okay, love?"

"Yeah." My body felt like it was on fire from the pain, but I couldn't make him stop now. I didn't _want_ him to stop.

"Is the pain too much?"

"I'm fine." I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, and I was glad he couldn't see it. He'd stop in an instant. I wasn't crying on purpose. It just hurt so much.

"I'm gonna push in a bit more, okay?"

"Uh-huh."

He pushed in inch by inch until he filled me to the hilt, groaning and grunting in pleasure, telling me how amazing it felt. I was wincing in pain, but made no sound. He waited for me to get used to his size before pulling out just as slowly and pushing in a bit faster than before.

He thrusts gained a little speed as he pushed in and out, and after a few minutes, I realized I wasn't wincing in pain anymore. He set a slow rhythm and brought a hand down just below the swell of my stomach. "Are you…okay…love?" He gritted out.

"Yeah," I answered truthfully. I was fine, and though I still felt him stretching me with each thrust in, it felt…surprisingly _good_.

He rubbed my pussy lips with two fingers, stroking their length before dipping both fingers inside me.

"Oh!...Edward…" I gasped at the sensation coursing through my body.

He bent down and kissed my back, still buried deep within my body. He brought his other hand up and traced my lips with two fingers before dipping them in my mouth. I sucked eagerly, drawing out a series of moans from the both of us.

The feeling of being so…full…so filled…overwhelmed me. I groaned uncontrollably, whimpering and mewling with each swipe of Edward's thumb over my clit.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered against my ear as he pulled his fingers out of my mouth.

"I love you, too," I whispered. My heart swelled with the love I felt for him, and my stomach twisted with passion.

Edward continued his ministrations until we reached our climax.

He pulled out and lay panting on his back next to me as I lay on my side, dazed as I ghosted my fingers up and down his abs. I looked up at him, taking in the picture before me. His eyes were closed, his breath coming out in rugged pants.

"Promise me we'll do that again."

His head lolled to the side as he opened his eyes to look at me. "We better. I mean…fuck…I didn't think it was gonna be that intense."

"Neither did I." His thrusts hadn't even gotten rough or fast. I couldn't imagine how amazing it would've felt had we been rough.

"After we have this baby, I'm gonna fuck you properly. Fill you up in all three holes, in every way possible." I gasped as I felt my cheeks turn pink and my skin get impossibly wetter between my legs. Edward smirked down at me. "You'd be as red as a lobster if you knew the things I'm imagining right now." I felt a new wave of heat run up my cheeks as he chuckled and made his way over to the bathroom to clean himself. He brought back a warm washcloth and wiped me up before turning off the lights and laying down facing me. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for trusting me enough."

"Of course. I trust you more than anyone else. Thank you for not pressuring me into it." And I meant it. He'd waited a long time for this, and he'd waited patiently.

"But I feel like I did. I _did_ pressure you into it. And I hurt you." I shook my head and kissed him lightly on the lips. "You know…we can try that…thing."

"What thing?"

"That thing…with me. That thing you read in the magazine."

"Oh. No, I don't want you feel like you have to –"

"I want to. Bells, I trust you with my life. I want to do it. God…I'm such an ass. You did this for me…and even that other thing…it's for me. It's not even for you, and you're willing to try it for me. And I'm still saying no because my dumbass macho brain is getting in the way. I want to try it."

"Is your conscience coming into play because I let you do this?" I said with a smile. Why the sudden change?

"No."

"Edward, I don't want you to feel obligated. If you don't feel comfortable –"

"I do, Bella. I do feel comfortable. There's no one else I feel more comfortable around. And…I heard you earlier tonight. With Alice. Jasper didn't hear you two because he was talking, but I heard my name and began listening to you. I'm sorry. You sounded so…disappointed. The only thing I hate more than having you be mad at me is having you be disappointed in me."

"I wasn't sad…" I hadn't even realized I sounded sad at the pizzeria when Alice and I were talking.

"I don't want you to think I don't trust you or that I'm not comfortable enough to do things with you. You've been my best friend for how many years now? A lot. I can't even count the years right now. I trust you whole-heartedly. You know that, right?"

For reasons I couldn't think of, I felt a lump in my throat and willed myself not to cry. "I know."

"I want to try it, okay? Soon."

"After the baby."

"Yeah."

I nodded. "Okay. Thank you."

"Thank _you_. You're doing it for _me_." I let out a sigh, regretting not keeping it in. "What?" Edward murmured.

"Do you think it's weird that we have in-depth conversations about these things before we do them?"

"No. Not every couple works the same way. We don't have to delve right into new territory, sexual or not, like every other couple. I'm glad I can have these conversations with you. You listen to what I have to say. We don't have these conversations because we're weird or because our relationship is weird. We talk about these things because we care about each other. I don't want to hurt you by trying something new when we're in the middle of having sex if you don't want to do it."

"And I don't want to hurt you." I cursed my voice for cracking at the last word.

"Would you have ever brought up the…magazine thing… again if I hadn't?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because if you didn't want to do it, I didn't want to push it."

"Exactly. And thank you for that. That's why we discuss these things. And if that's weird, then I don't care. If you're weird, then I want to be weird, too."

I let out another sigh.

"What now?" He asked. I could tell he was smirking by the sound of his voice.

"I just…love you." _Also, I'm trying not to cry because the love I feel for you is making my heart ache._

"Well, I just…love you, too. Always."

"Oh, but one more thing."

"What's that?"

"When you're ready to do it, you can't call it 'the magazine thing.' You better tell me what it is you want me to do to you. If I have to go through that every time we touch new territory, so do you," I bantered in a playful tone.

"Shut up." He poked my side, making me giggle.

"You think I'm joking?"

"Alright, alright, I will. Now, let's get some sleep."

"Good night, Eddie."

He sighed at the nickname, making me smile with victory. "G'night."

I closed my eyes, only to be interrupted by Edward a few minutes later. "Oh, and baby?"

"Hm?"

"How many times do I have to tell you to keep some things between the two of us?"

I smiled, my eyes still closed. I couldn't count the number of times he'd given me a lecture on not telling Alice everything, and keeping private things private. "I do keep it between the two of us – Alice and myself." I didn't have to open my eyes to guess the look on his face.

"Good night," he grumbled.

"Good night," I said sweetly.

I woke up hours later with an indescribable pain in my stomach. _Ow_…what the hell? I waited for the pain to subside before looking around. A bit of light was streaming through the bottom of the window curtains.

I pulled the covers back and saw the sheets tangled around Edward's torso and legs, his feet hanging off the foot of the bed. Had he peed in the bed? Had _I _peed?

I stood up carefully and looked at the wet circle where I was laying.

I…_shit_.

I walked around the bed and shook Edward lightly, then more forcefully. "Edward, Get up. Get _up_."

He stirred in place and threw his arm over the wet spot. "What?" He mumbled.

"My water broke."

"That's nice." He turned away from me and his light snoring continued.

"_Edward_." I pushed at his back forcefully. Shit, shit, shit. What was I going to do?

"Hm?"

"My water –"

"It's downstairs," He murmured into his pillow.

I shook him with more force. "My water broke!" I yelled.

"_What?_" He sat up, his eyes wide. He shot out of the bed and looked down at the sheets. "Fuck! What happened?"

"The baby's coming!"

He turned to look at me, and another contraction shot through my body. I doubled over, holding my stomach. "Unghhh!"

"Jesus Christ!" He sat me down on the bed and wiped my legs before dressing me quickly in my winter gear and tying my hair up. He threw on a pair of sweats and a hoodie, grabbed the baby bag we'd prepared, and held his hand out to me. "Come on, we have to go!"

I shook my head fervently, tears welling up in my eyes as I cradled my stomach. "It's too soon." _Would the baby make it if she arrived this early?_

* * *

**Uh-oh. What do you think made the baby come so early? Bella still had three weeks to go!**

**Please review, and I will post the next chapter by next week!  
(Also, reviews make my day. :)**


	38. I'll Be Right By Your Side

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed!**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**BPOV**

I lay in the hospital bed, completely drained and beyond worried. I looked toward the door for what seemed like a lifetime before the door silently clicked open and Edward slipped in before closing the door behind him.

I sat up quickly. "How is she?"

"She's…okay."

"Edward." He was lying. They took her away so quickly after she had come into this world that I'd literally gotten just a peek of her.

"They said she still can't breathe." His voice cracked on the last word, and I forced myself to prevent my chin from quivering. He sat in a chair next to me and took my hand in his. "She's so tiny. Just four pounds and…eighteen inches long. She looks so helpless. I'm sorry, Bella. It's my fault." I shook my head. How was it his fault? This wasn't anybody's fault. He nodded and dropped his head. "It is. The doctor said there's a…possibility that the baby arrived early because of…sexual activities. I'm sorry."

I squeezed his hand, my heart dropping into my stomach at the site of his tears hitting the floor, his head hanging low. "Just because it's a possibility doesn't mean it's the cause. And it takes two people to have sex, Edward."

"But you weren't the one who wanted to have anal. I kept you in that position for too long…and…and…I don't know." He looked up at me, his eyes rimmed in red, tears rolling down his cheeks. He brought a hand up to cradle my face, and I hadn't realized I was crying until he wiped away my tears. The corners of his mouth pulled up in a small smile, making me smile in return. "But she'll be fine."

I nodded slowly. "She will be. And even if she was born prematurely, that's not why…this happened." She couldn't breathe because the umbilical cord had been wrapped around her neck before she had come out. That had nothing to do with her being born early.

Edward's smile grew wider. "God, baby. You should see her. She looks just like you. Grey eyes, barely-there hair, and she has the most adorable smile. And even with all the tubes hooked up to her, she still kicks around."

My heart warmed as I listened to Edward talk about our daughter.

I felt my eyelids drooping as he continued talking, and they fell completely closed when he kissed my forehead. I felt the effect of the drugs they'd given me, and I was drifting off to sleep. They'd drugged me up more than usual because I had a C-Section – I wasn't dilated enough to give birth naturally.

When I woke up, Edward's parents and my dad were in the room.

"Hi, dad," I croaked. I waved weakly at Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and smiled, not up for much else.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" He came over and ran a hand through my hair.

"Okay. How is she?" I stifled a yawn and

"She's beautiful."

I turned my head at Edward's soft voice, and my heart dropped. "Oh, my God," I whispered excitedly. Edward was sitting next to me, cradling the baby in his arms, beaming as he looked up at me.

I held my arms out as Edward stood up and handed her over to me. "Hi," I cooed as I looked down at her. "I'm your mommy." She was sleeping, but that didn't matter. I had to speak to her. "She's so tiny," I whispered as I looked up at Edward.

He ran a hand through my hair as he stood above me. "I know. But she's fine now. They need to keep the one tube in her nose until we leave in a few days, just to help with the oxygen flow. But she's fine."

My heart warmed at the mention of "we." He was going to stay here with the baby and me.

I almost smacked myself in the head. Of course he's going to stay with us. He said he had called into work earlier and taken some time off.

I looked up as Mrs. Cullen stood from her seat. "We'll leave you all alone."

"No, you can stay. Please." I didn't want them to think they had to leave.

"It's fine, Bella," she smiled sincerely. "We'll be downstairs with Alice and Emmett." They all left, leaving the three of us alone in the silent room.

Looking down at the baby as Edward continued running a hand through my hair, I felt a sudden surge of affection. It was so overwhelming, almost too much to bear. I'd never felt a love like this, and I knew that I'd never feel a love like this again.

My vision blurred as I realized that in this moment, I didn't care about anything or anyone else. The only people of any importance to me were this little baby in my arms and the man with his hand in my hair. I sniffled a bit and Edward quickly pulled a chair close beside me.

I gave him a small smile. "I'm fine. It's just…"

"This is a lot to take in?"

"Yeah." I looked back down at the bundled miracle in my arms. "I can't believe she's here."

"I know. I can't get over how beautiful she is."

"Neither can I. She looks exactly like you."

He placed his hand over her beanie-covered head. "No, babe. Considering how beautiful she is, she looks exactly like you." My heart fluttered as he leaned in to kiss my forehead.

"We still haven't thought of a name."

"I thought we'd decided on Renee."

"Edward…Thank you, but I really feel guilty naming her that."

"Bells, I promise you, my mom won't care. She'd be happy we named her that."

"No…" My voice was small. I didn't want him to think I was arguing with him. I looked down at the baby, touched that Edward was so adamant about naming her after my mother. I'd love to name her Renee, but I'd always feel that it wasn't fair for Mrs. Cullen.

"I think –"

There was a knock on the door before a middle-aged nurse walked in. "How are you two holding up?"

"Fine," Edward said thickly. I turned to look up at him and he quickly turned away, running a hand over his eyes.

"Great," The nurse said sweetly. "Are you ready to try to nurse, dear?"

I nodded slowly, unsure. "I don't want to do it wrong."

"Oh, no worries." She waved her hand, trying to put me at ease. "That's what I'm here for."

Edward moved back as the nurse made her way over to the bed. The baby woke up when the nurse picked her up, and she showed me how to hold and nurse the baby. It took a few minutes, but finally, she began nursing.

"Ah…that…kind of hurts," I gasped softly.

"Oh, honey, you'll get used to it." The nurse chuckled as she made sure we were situated and let me know how often to feed the baby before leaving us in silence.

Edward pulled his chair forward and watched the baby intently.

She fell asleep, her mouth slowing to a stop. I moved my breast a bit and she woke up, resuming.

Edward let out a soft chuckle and looked up at me when I turned my head to him. "She's funny."

"She is," I beamed. We sat in silence until she finished nursing.

"Can I hold her?" Edward whispered.

"Of course." He cradled her in his arms, tears welling up in his eyes. "What were you going to say before? About a name?"

"Oh." He looked up at me. "I was going to say I also thought of the name Lily. It's pretty."

I wondered why he'd never shared this with me, but it didn't matter. One look at the baby, and I knew. "I think it's pretty, too."

"Yeah?"

"It's perfect."

"And she's perfect."

I looked at him warily and smiled, making him cock an eyebrow in response. "What?"

"I've never seen you like this."

He shrugged, his signature smirk splaying across his face. "I've never felt like this."

"You're so…quiet. You've barely spoken the entire time we were here. And…I don't know…I can practically see the love oozing from your pores." He blushed then, making me gush even more. "Do you know how adorable you look holding her?"

He put the baby in the hospital's bassinet and came over to me slowly. He leaned down to kiss me lightly on the lips and rested his forehead against mine, cradling my face in his hand. "Do you know how perfect _you_ are? I love you so much, Isabella. So much."

"I love you, too," I whispered.

"And I'm so proud of you," he murmured as he leaned in again to kiss me.

He sat back down, and we watched her in the bassinet, laughing because she was kicking non-stop. "So," I turned toward Edward. "Lily?"

He nodded, smiling. "The more I hear it, the more I love it."

"Me, too." The more I heard either of us say the name, the more I realized that no other name was as beautiful or perfect.

"But, if we name her Lily, then I have a favor to ask."

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening."

"I want her middle name to be Renee."

He seemed on edge, and relaxed when he saw my smile. "Renee Esme."

"What?"

"Her middle name…s. Renee Esme. You once said that we could share your mom. She's my mom, too." Even before she legally became my mother-in-law, Edward's mom had always been like my own mom.

"Then why do you still call her Mrs. Cullen?" He smirked.

I rolled my eyes. Smart-ass. "Because that's what I've been calling her since I was a kid."

"Lily Renee Esme Cullen." He smiled from ear to ear. "I love it."

"So do I." It was perfect.

"So that's it? We've decided?"

"Yupp."

"Wow," he whispered as he looked over at her.

"I know." I didn't ask what he meant. I knew. I felt the same way, and it was hard to explain. I felt…euphoric. I'd never felt this happy and at peace. The only thing that was keeping me from being completely happy was the same thing as always – my mom wasn't here. But now she would always be remembered. Of course I would never forget her, but I would've never been able to bring myself to name my daughter after my mother if Edward hadn't suggested it.

"It feels weird thinking of her as 'Lily.' I keep thinking of her as 'the baby.'"

"Well, get used to it, daddy."

Edward's head lolled back as he groaned. "That sounds so weird. I can't imagine anyone calling me that."

"You want her to call you Edward?"

He sat up straight and smirked. "No. I like being a dad. I don't know why people complain about this. This is easy."

We'd only been taking care of the baby for a couple of hours.

These drugs they'd given me must be working well. I felt my eyelids drooping once more. I closed my eyes and smiled. "Is there a hockey game on tonight?"

"Yeah. Toronto against Philly."

"Wake me up when it begins?" I mumbled.

"No problem."

"Bells…" I heard Edward groan into his pillow. I heard Lily's cries from her room on the other end of the hallway and wished this to be a dream. My wishes diminished as soon as they had surfaced. Edward nudged my side. "Lily's crying."

"I got up the last two times," I mumbled. "It's your turn. I pumped two bottles worth of milk."

Lily was three weeks old, and I groaned internally at the thought of doing this every single day for a couple of years.

Then I smiled at the thought. If I had to, I would do this for the rest of my life. I loved her more than anything. She'd changed so much in the past couple of weeks. Her eyes were already changing color – they were currently a greenish-grey – she'd gone completely bald and her hair had grown back in, and she had gained weight.

I sighed happily as I opened my eyes to watch Edward. He pushed himself out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxer-briefs before walking down the hall.

I turned onto my back and listened to him cooing as he spoke to Lily. "Aw, why are you crying, baby? Are you hungry?" I loved that he called her baby out of love – not because she was a baby.

She stopped crying for a few seconds and then resumed as Edward shushed her quietly. Her cries were cut short with what I assumed was her bottle. I smiled at the thought of Edward holding her as he fed her the bottle. My smile grew when I heard him singing Hush Little Baby completely off key.

Sleep had completely evaded me as I listened to Edward talk to Lily. He had completely passed my expectations as a father - and my expectations were pretty damn high.

"Do you know how much I love you, Lily? More than the whole world."

"Eh."

I laughed lightly at her small grunt.

"More than the universe. More than I love food. And you know who else loves you? Mommy. She loves you _so_ much. And we will always love you." I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat as I listened to him. "And we'll always be here for you. Even when you turn thirteen and tell me you hate me and that I'm ruining your life, I'll be here for you. And I'll be here for Mommy. Always." I threw back the covers and padded down the dim hallway, the only light coming from Lily's night-light. I leaned against her door jamb and watched them. Edward didn't notice my presence as he lowered Lily into her crib and placed his hand on top of her head, stroking her hair. When he spoke again, his voice was thicker than usual. "But once, I left her for four months. And it still kills me inside to think about it every day." He shook his head, still looking down at her. "That was a mistake, though. I would never leave either of you. And you can't ever forget that, okay?"

He sat down in front of the crib and watched her through the bars, his back to me. "And sometimes daddy wishes mommy had punished him for leaving her like that. Or for ever getting into those stupid drugs. I would tell you to never do drugs, but I know you won't. I can already tell you're too smart to even think about doing those things. But if you ever fall into anything bad, you have to tell us, okay? You can't be afraid to tell us. We won't get mad at you, I promise. So many times I wanted to tell mommy what was going on, but I was afraid. But I shouldn't have been, because she never judged. Of course she was shocked, but instead of punishing me like she should have, you know what she did, Lily?" His voice cracked, and I felt my heart break. "She just accepted me and helped me through it, even though she was scared. So if you have any problems, you have to let us know so we can help you."

I walked toward them and sat down in front of Edward as he looked at me warily. I smiled at him before turning toward Lily, who was sound asleep. "Mommy made some big mistakes, too. And you know what daddy did? He forgave her like she didn't break his heart. And if you're always honest with us, I promise you that we'll forgive you for your mistakes."

Edward turned to me, a pained look on his face. "I don't want her to make any mistakes," he whispered.

"She's going to. She has to, so she can learn from them."

"How much of this did you hear?"

I scooted toward him and he pulled me close, my back against his chest. "All of it."

"Oh."

"I love you so much, Edward."

"I love you, too."

"And I would never punish you for something that serious."

"I know," he murmured into my hair. "But I deserved to be punished. I still do."

"I don't want to hear you say things like that." Didn't he know how much it ate me up inside to hear him say that?

He looked up at the clock and sighed. "I have to be up for work in two hours."

I stood and pulled Edward up with me. If he didn't want to talk about it now, that was fine. This was something that neither of us would ever forget, and when we talked about it again, I had to let him know that he didn't deserve to be punished, and he never _left_ me.

We lay down in bed and he pulled the covers over us before pulling me to his chest.

He tightened his arm around me. "Good night, love."

I hummed in appreciation, reveling in the feel of his warm body against mine. "Good night."

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**Yay, Lily is here! I was going to name her Renesme, but honestly, I don't like that name. So Lily Renee Eseme Cullen it is. :)**

**Please review!**


	39. A Lonely and Pleading Phantasm

**So sorry that this is short, but I'm beyond busy and I had to give you all something. There's a reason why there aren't any major problems in their lives right now – problems will arise later, I promise you.**

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**BPOV**

"Yummy!" I touched my finger to the lentil soup and brought it up to Lily's mouth as she moved her head forward to taste it. I held her on my hip as I stirred the soup, eventually putting her down when my arm got tired.

Connor sauntered over as Lily began crawling to him. I watched intently, almost begging her not to do it. I scowled when Lily pulled at Connor's ear, causing him to whine and drop his head. He lay down next to her, and immediately I pointed my finger. "Lily," I said sternly. She looked at me with her round green eyes, her brown hair curling around her ears. She reached for Connor again and I dropped my spoon to kneel down to their level. I held her hand and ran it across Connor's back over and over. "You see? Like this." She had been pinching Connor and pulling at his ears and tail for a month now, and Edward and I had tried so many times to teach her to be gentle with him.

Lily was ten months old, and definitely knew when Edward and I disapproved of something. Though we never punished her (I mean, she was ten months old – what could we do?), I felt like such a bitch at times because Edward rarely yelled at her. He melted into a pile of goo whenever he was around her, and I didn't blame him, what with her chubby cheeks and angelic face.

And even though I knew she loved Connor, I couldn't let her hurt him. He had never so much as barked at her, and I was so grateful for that. I was afraid he'd be jealous of her at first, but all he showed for Lily was his love. She showed her love for him as well, just in a different way. Sometimes I loved just sitting and watching them together, Lily surrounded by her toys and Connor pushing the toys this way and that, trying to play with her.

I stood up and looked down at them, my heart warming at the sight of them together. Lily was cooing and saying random syllables to Connor, and once in a while his ears would perk up and he'd glance her way.

I jumped when I heard the front door open, completely lost in thought.

Connor immediately ran over to the door and I heard Edward put his things down and lean down to kiss Con. When he rounded the corner, Lily began making her way over to him. "Da."

I smiled at her acknowledgment. 'Da' was the only thing we understood of Lily's vocabulary. She said it to Edward only, so we knew it had to mean "Daddy."

He waited for her to make her way over to him and picked her up, holding her above his head before pulling her down for a hug. He blew a raspberry in the side of her neck, making her laugh before kissing her cheek and putting her in her feeding chair at the table.

He walked over to me and lifted my chin before kissing me softly. My heart flitted in my stomach and I let out a small sigh when he pulled away. "Hi, baby."

"Hi," I smiled up at him.

"How was your day?" he asked as he looked at the soup.

I turned around to turn the stove off and Edward wrapped his arms around my waist. "It was good."

"Bored of being a stay-at-home mom yet?"

"Not…really." Okay, so sometimes I wished I was back at work, but I couldn't leave Lily.

"Bells, she's old enough for –"

I turned around quickly and he dropped his hands. "Edward, we're not putting her in day care."

He put his hands up defensively. "Alright, alright." He went over to set up the table.

"I can stay home until she's potty-trained, and then she can start school." We'd gone over this a million times.

"But you want to work."

"I know…but…"

Edward finished setting the table before looking at me. "I know. You want to take care of her."

"Yeah."

He shrugged before sitting down. "It's fine. I just want you to do what makes you happy."

"I'm happy."

"Good."

We smiled at each other for a second before I sat across Edward. To be honest, life couldn't be any more perfect at this moment, and I couldn't be happier.

After we finished eating, Edward burped Lily and brought her up to sleep as I cleared the table and went into the living room. I got comfy on the couch and turned on the TV, moving over when Edward came down.

He was dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants, looking yummy and sleepy and tired. He lay down on the couch and pulled me down on top of him, putting his hand on the small of my back. "Do you wanna do something?"

I looked up at him with a small smile. "It's okay. You're tired."

"We can play Xbox or something," he shrugged.

"Okay," I smiled as I got up. I was pretty excited, even if it was just playing a video game. Edward and I didn't do much alone lately. If Lily was asleep, we were asleep. The only time we had to ourselves was when Alice, Emmett, or our parents took Lily, and that was a couple of times a month.

Edward set up the game system as I lay on my side on the floor. I lifted my shirt and stared at the scar running across my stomach, the scar from Lily's birth.

I caught Edward staring at me and dropped the hem of my shirt. He handed me a controller and sat down next to me, lifting my shirt and kissing the scar.

I put my hand in his hair, shaking my head. "Don't…"

He looked up me and faced the television without saying a word. "It doesn't look bad," he murmured. He was lying, I knew it. The scar was beyond ugly. I watched the screen as Edward chose the settings for _Call of Duty_. I sat up and he bumped my knee with his, giving me his crooked smile. "Ready to lose?"

"Shut up," I shoved his shoulder, returning his smile. "First to ten wins."

Just as we began playing, Lily's cry filled the air and I paused the game, running upstairs to feed her. She finished half of her bottle before falling asleep, and I ran back downstairs, determined to beat Edward.

For the next hour, I tried everything to kill Edward's character ten times. The score was nine to one. Guess who had the nine kills?

"No!" I yelled before Edward killed my character.

"Yes!" He stood up and threw this hands in the air, and without thinking, I chucked my controller up at him. "_Fuck!_"

My hands flew to my mouth in horror as Edward's hands flew up to his mouth in pain. "Oh, my God! I'm so sorry." I stood up to take a look and he flinched away from me and made his way to the bathroom.

"You busted my fucking lip!"

I ran over to him and flinched at the look on his face. Half of his bottom lip was already swollen – I could only imagine how much worse it was going to get. "I didn't mean to…I just wanted to win." What the heck was I thinking?

"What the hell, Bella?" He pushed past me and went back into the living room to clean everything up.

I followed him upstairs and into bed, not knowing what to do when he turned away from me. It was 9:30. Was he going to sleep already?

I had an idea of what would make him feel better, and got out of bed in a hurry. I made my way into the kitchen and looked through the cupboard until I found a Rice Krispies Treats bar.

I made my way back upstairs, checked on Lily, and closed my bedroom door behind me before turning up the baby monitor. I kneeled next to Edward and he closed his eyes when I tried to look at him. I put the Rice Krispies bar on the nightstand next to me. "I'm sorry. Here's a Rice Krispies for you to eat while I give you an apology blowjob. You can use it anytime you want." He opened one eye to look at me before closing it with a sigh. I waited for a response. "Okay?" He nodded, eyes still closed.

I walked slowly to my side of the bed, feeling awful for hurting him, and feeling even worse for using sex as an apology. But that was the fastest way to make him forgive me, and I couldn't handle having him be mad at me.

I laid down facing his back, and after a few minutes, he kicked off his pants and took the Rice Krispies bar from the nightstand, unwrapping it as he looked at me. "I want to use this now."

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**I got the Rice Krispies idea from a picture of a note I saw online. :)  
Again, I'm so sorry it's short!**

**Please review!**


	40. I Could Get Used To This World

**Please don't kill me. I know I've taken _forever_ to update. I can't explain how busy I am with school and everything else.**

**But here's the next chapter!**

**- JayBee  
**

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**EPOV**

"Ready, baby?" I smiled as Lily nodded her head enthusiastically, smiling from ear to ear as she held the tray full of food. "Let's go." I followed her up the stairs, watching as she took each step carefully. "Slow, okay, Lil?"

"Yeah," she squeaked. She was four years old now, and I couldn't believe how much she'd grown. It was Bella's twenty-ninth birthday today, so Lily and I had prepared breakfast in bed for her.

I motioned for her to stop just outside my bedroom door. "When we walk in, you're gonna scream 'happy birthday' as loud as you can, okay? Make sure mommy wakes up."

"Okay." She looked down at the tray. "Can you hold this?"

I took the tray of food from her and opened the door. She ran inside and jumped on the bed. "Happy birthday, mommy!"

Bella jerked awake and sat up scowling, her mouth turning up into a smile when she saw Lily. "Good morning. And thank you!" She kissed the top of Lily's head before tickling her, making Lily squirm and giggle as she tried to hide under the covers.

I walked over and put the tray on the bedside table before leaning down to kiss Bella. "Happy birthday, love."

"Thank you." She turned her head to look at the tray. "What is that?"

"We made breakfast!" Lily looked like she was about to jump out of her skin with excitement, making Bella and I laugh. I sat at the foot of the bed and looked over at Lil. "You wanna go get mommy's presents? They're on the couch in the living room."

"Yeah!" She climbed down from the bed and ran downstairs.

I leaned in to give Bella a real birthday kiss, and pulled away with a smile as I laid my hand on her stomach. "How's the baby?"

"He's good. Happy as a clam."

I kissed her stomach and smiled up at her. "Good." She was due in two months with our baby boy. We tried not to make a big fuss in front of Lily, because we could already feel her getting jealous. We wanted her to love him as much as we did, and tried to explain to her that being a big sister was important.

I leaned in to kiss her again, rolling my tongue slowly against hers. She moaned softly and I pulled away reluctantly when I heard Lily coming up the stairs.

"Daddy, I got them!" She dropped one of the bracelet boxes by the door and picked it up before making her way over to us, her green eyes shining as she gave me Bella's gifts.

Lil looked like she was about to spontaneously combust. "You can give your gift first." I gave one of the boxes to Lil to give to her mom, and waited for Bella to open it.

Bella pouted and looked up at me when she saw the diamond Tiffany bracelet inside the box, and my heart dropped. The effects of that pout would never wear off. "Thank you, baby." I raised my eyebrows and pointed at Lily to remind her who the gift was from. She turned to Lil and kissed her before hugging her tightly. "Thank you so much."

"Do you like it, mommy? It's so _sparkly_."

"I love it. And I love you. Thank you." She kissed Lil again and thanked me silently above Lily's head.

I smiled, grateful that she liked it. I didn't expect her to wear it all the time, because even after all these years, my Bella was still the simple girl I'd met as a child. She could wear the bracelet whenever we went out at night.

She was eyeing the bracelet box I was holding, and I slowly held it out to her. When she reached her hand out to take it, I pulled it back. "Only if I get a kiss," I said with a small smile.

She tilted her head up and I leaned down to steal a quick kiss before handing her the box.

"Edward!" She screeched, making Lily and me jump. "Baby..." she pouted as she reached her arms out. Damn that pout. You'd think I'd grow immune to it after all these years.

I leaned down to hug her. "Thank you," she whispered.

"No problem."

We hadn't gone to a game since Lily was born, so I know she's as excited as I am to go to this game.

Bella picked the two tickets up and read them. "Devils/Rangers?"

"Of course," I smiled. "And right by the ice. My parents said they'd watch Lily that day." The game was in four days, and to be honest, I was ecstatic to go to a game with Bella again. She pouted and looked up at me a second time, and I was happy to hear Lily talking to Connor about her dolls inside as I placed a hand on Bella's belly and leaned down to kiss just behind her ear. "No pouting."

She giggled and draped her arms around my neck. "It was a happy pout."

"Doesn't matter." I pulled back just enough to be able to look at her. "I think I'm conditioned to get a sick feeling in my stomach every time you pout, whether it be from joy or sorrow."

She giggled again, making me smile in return. "Conditioned?"

"Yes. Conditioned. You know, classically conditioned. Like Pavlov's dogs." Bella had studied every type of conditioning to a tee in college. She was well aware of what I was referring to.

"Are you a dog, Mr. Cullen?"

I kissed her neck before nipping at the same spot, taking in her scent before speaking softly. "I can be a dog if you want me to be."

"Maybe we could put a collar around your neck. Or around mine..."

"Fuck, Bella..." I ground my hips down, rubbing myself against her side instinctively. I covered her lips with mine, kissing her slowly as my hand traveled down her thigh and behind her knee. I pulled her legs apart, not able to contain myself as a small grunt escaped my lips. "Bells..."

I pulled back to look at her when she closed her legs abruptly. "Edward, we can't."

"I know," I sighed. I could still hear Lily inside, but she could walk in any second. "I know. I just..." I gave her a quick kiss before looking into her eyes. "Maybe I can ask Alice to look after Lil for a few hours after I get home from work."

She smiled up at me, a knowing glint in her eyes. "That sounds...nice."

"Yeah?" She nodded as I kissed her forehead. I felt her fingertips trail down my bare chest, my abs, lower, lower... I grabbed her hand and smirked down at her. "You can't do things like that of you expect me to behave." I got to my feet and placed the breakfast tray in front of her. "Eat your breakfast. I still have to clean the kitchen and get ready for work."

She huffed and looked up at me. "But now I'm all hot and bothered."

_She_was hot and bothered? "Uh...hello?" I gestured down to my crotch, where I was sporting a not-so-subtle tent.

Bella giggled as she bit into her toast. "Okay, okay. You win. Go get ready."

I turned to leave and looked back at her over my shoulder as I walked out the door. "Oh, and happy birthday, baby."

I laughed as she blushed and made my way into Lily's room. She was asleep on the floor next to Connor, her thumb in her mouth and her other hand in her hair. I chuckled to myself as I picked her up and put her in her bed. My mom would chastise me for letting her sleep next to Connor and risking her "getting hurt" by him, and then Bella would get on my case about Lily picking up my habit of playing with my hair to fall asleep.

Connor wouldn't hurt a fly, and so what if Lily finds comfort in playing with her hair? She's not hurting anybody.

I cleaned the kitchen as quickly as possible and got ready for work, kissing my girls goodbye before making my way out.

Work was the same as always. Sitting at my desk, going through the company's data and thinking about Bella, Lily, and the baby.

I look up when I hear a knock at my office door. "Come in."

I all but rolled my eyes when our new intern walked in. "Mr. Cullen, these papers need to be filled out and faxed to Corporate by 1:00 PM," she said in her nasally voice. That voice drove me insane, mainly because she didn't use that voice with anyone else but me. It was a pathetic attempt at being seductive. I didn't want to be an ass, but I was fucking sick of letting her know I wasn't interested.

"Thank you, Lauren. Just leave them on my desk." As i continued my business on the computer, I saw her put the papers down on my desk out of the corner of my eye...and then just stand there staring at me. I turned my head slowly to look up at her. "Did you need something?"

She made her way around my desk and hoisted herself up to sit on top of it, right in front of me. Her tight red dress rode up her thighs as she spread her legs, and _fuck me_if she wasn't wearing a hot pink thong. I looked away quickly, and then up at her, praying to every God in heaven that the stirring in my pants didn't lead to another tent. What little time Bella and I had alone recently was spent catching up on sleep, so it didn't take much to get me worked up these days. I hadn't had sex in God knows how long.

"This dress is inappropriate for work, Lauren." Jesus, please don't make her notice the crack in my voice.

"No one complains."

Yeah, because everyone wants to bend you over the copy machine and fill every hole on your body.

I gulped audibly as she bent over and placed a hand on my shoulder. I peeked down her dress, and her breasts were just fucking begging to be licked. And maybe sucked. She couldn't have been a year over 19. God, this girl was so fuckhot.

_But nothing compared to my Bella._

I shrugged her hand off. "I'm married."

"That means nothing."

"It means _everything_. And do I need to remind you that you can get fired for this? Don't ruin your career before it begins." She sat there for a few seconds, and I raised an eyebrow. "Uh...get out." Wasn't it obvious that this conversation was over?

I shuddered as she left and hoped she doesn't apply for a job here when her internship ends.

I finished all my major work by lunch and leaned back in my leather chair as I called Bella.

"Hello?"

I heard Lily crying in the background and grimaced. "Hey, babe. It's me."

"Hey," she sighed. "Lily, shhh."

"Why is she crying?"

"She doesn't want to eat, and she hasn't taken a nap yet, so she's cranky."

"Let me talk to her."

"Hello...?" I smiled at Lily's small voice.

"Hi, baby. Why are you crying?"

"B-because I don't want peas."

"But you have to eat them so you can yet your vitamins."

"I don't want yucky vite-mins."

I laughed lightly, knowing I wouldn't be able to change her mind. "Do you want to come hang out with me here?"

"Yeahhh!" I heard her pass the phone to Bella. "I'm going to daddy's job!"

"Edward, are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's fine. She always behaves when she comes here. I'll ask Alice or Em to bring her here, and I'll just take a late lunch when she gets here. Then I can just drop her off at Alice's and come home. And you, Bella Ella Ella, can relax."

"Thank you."

I could tell she was smiling, and I smiled in return. "Make sure you're well-rested for tonight. We're gonna celebrate your birthday."

"Celebrate? Like, cut cake?"

"There can be cake involved..." I giggled. I couldn't help it. She was playing dumb. I heard Lily yelling in the background that she wanted cake too, and laughed again.

"Don't forget, we're going out to dinner to celebrate with everyone tomorrow."

"Mhm." I couldn't wait for tonight.

"Edward."

"Yeah..." I closed my eyes, imagining all the things we could do when we were alone tonight.

"What did I just say?"

"I wanna fuck you so badly..." I slid down in my seat, getting comfortable.

"Edward!"

"Huh?" My eyes shot open and I sat up quickly.

"We're going out to eat with everyone tomorrow night."

"Okay."

"And Edward?"

"Yeah."

"Pick up a cake on your way home. And make sure there's frosting on it. A _lot_of frosting."

Oh, fuck. She was practically purring. "Uh-huh," I stammered.

"I'm gonna go get Lily ready. Love you."

I stood up to walk laps around my office and clear my mind. "Love you, too. Always." I hung up, but at this point, I was so far gone that I couldn't stop thinking about Bella and cake and Bella covered in cake.

_Get a grip, Edward._

I called Alice and when she finally brought Lil over, we went downstairs to eat pizza at Two Boots Restaurant.

"Mommy said I can have cake," Lily stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, really? What if I say you can't?" I teased.

"Awwwww," she whined with a mouth full of pizza. She dropped the pizza and hit her back to the back of the booth. "But mommy said!"

I laughed at her reaction and handed the slice of pizza back to her. "I'm kidding. We can get some cake when we go back to the office. But you have to finish your slice of pizza first."

"I don't want pizza," she grumbled and crossed her arms.

"Then you don't get to eat cake and I get to finish all the cake by myself." I took a bite of my pizza, not faltering. She was testing me, I know she was. Bella said it was natural for Lily to test us at this age, so I didn't worry about it. I just hated arguing with her or making her cry.

"No..." She looked heartbroken, and I forced myself not to fall for it. I couldn't take seeing her like this, but I had to stand my ground. Her head jerked toward the register and she jumped out of her seat. "Chocolate!" She ran toward the shelves full of chocolate by the register, and I stood with a sigh as I made my way over to her. "I want chocolate!" She looked up at me expectantly.

"No chocolate. Eat your lunch."

"No!" She sat on the floor and crossed her arms. She was shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

Okay, Edward. Don't lose your cool. I looked around the small restaurant. Everyone was staring. "Lily, no chocolate or cake until you finish your pizza." She hadn't even eaten half the slice.

She began crying. Just sitting on the cold tile floor, crying. She threw herself onto her stomach and began wailing, screaming at the top of her lungs. I stood over her, watching her. As much as it broke my heart to know that I caused this, she knew the rules and she knew what she was doing. I couldn't give in. Her grandparents gave her everything she wanted. All she had to do was ask. Same goes for everyone else...besides Emmett. I was glad he was able to stand his ground, but every once in a while, all of us would give in. Bella and I enforced the rules as much as possible, but when Lily pouted, that always did me in. I couldn't resist that pout, and thankfully, she didn't know how to use it to her advantage at this age.

I left her on the floor and went back to eating my pizza. I sat in her seat so I could keep an eye on her, and after a minute or two, people continued on with their business. This was New York City. A crying child was nothing special to watch, and it wasn't as if people had time to drop whatever they were doing and watch a child cry. They had places to go, people to see, and all the stuff in between.

I watched Lily for a couple of minutes more as I finished my pizza, ate her slice, and got up to go by her. She was still crying, but wasn't screaming as loudly.

I leaned down to pick her up and she began yelling again, flailing her arms and legs everywhere to get put of my grasp. "You're mean! You're mean, daddy! I don't like you!" o smiled inwardly, only because we had taught her to never use the word "hate" for anything, and so she "didn't like" a lot of things. Her green eyes were brimmed with red, and the bottom half of her face was covered in mucus and saliva. She stopped fighting me as I grabbed a bunch of napkins to wipe her mouth and nose.

I held a napkins over her nose. "Blow." She blew her nose and then latched onto me, still crying softly as she hugged my neck. I threw the napkins away and put a hand on her back as she cried against my neck. I paid for the pizzas and made my way out of Two Boots. "Shhh..." I rubbed her back soothingly, and by the time we got in the elevator, she was sucking her thumb and playing with my hair.

By the time we were on my floor, she was asleep, and everyone was cooing at her as I walked to my office.

I closed my office door and dimmed the lights before laying Lily down on my leather chair. I took the two chairs that were in front of my desk and turned them so they were facing each other. I pushed them together, forming a makeshift bed for her, the arm rests acting as rails so she wouldn't fall off the small space. I laid her down on the chairs and draped my coat over her before kissing the top of her and sitting down in my chair.

I let out a long sigh before getting to work. All of a sudden, i felt exhausted. I worked for two hours before going to the kitchen inside.

I opened the fridge to see some milk, pickles, half a cake, and some other food that didn't look edible. I knew the cake was three days old, from Lauren's birthday. I tried to remember how old she was, but decided it didn't matter and I didn't really care.

I cut a piece of cake and wrapped it in foil to take to my office. I wondered if I should tell Lauren I took a piece, but I didn't want to talk to her unless it was absolutely necessary. Besides, she would say it was okay and probably offer me the whole cake.

Lily woke up an hour later, rubbing her eyes as she looked around. "Hi, baby," I whispered. She turned her head to look at me, and climbed out of the chairs without a word. She made her way over to me and I pushed my chair back to give her room. She climbed into my lap and sat facing the computer screen, sucking her thumb and playing with her hair as she watched what I was doing. I kissed the top of her head as I continued typing. After a few minutes, Lily began wandering around the room in boredom, so I gave her some paper and pencils so she could draw.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, baby?"

She looked up at me from her spot on the carpet. "How come mommy is getting a baby?"

Panic set in as my hands dropped from the keyboard. Was she asking me how babies are made, or...? "Mommy is HAVING a baby. Because we wanted you to have a baby brother or sister."

"How come?"

"Because...we love babies." How would I explain that we wanted another kid?

"You love the baby in mommy's tummy."

"Yupp."

"You don't love me."

My heart dropped into my stomach. We'd had this conversation before. It killed me. "Of course I love you. Mommy and I both love you more than anything."

She continued drawing and I went to sit next to her on the floor. "But I'm not the baby now. The baby is."

"You'll always be my baby."

"Even when the baby is borned?"

"Of course, even when the baby is BORN," I nodded. She scooted closer to me and I pulled her into my lap. "You will always, always, always be my baby. Even when you're as old as grandma, you'll be my baby."

She giggled and squirmed in my lap. "Nooo!"

"But, of course."

"When I'm one million years old?"

"Baby," I nodded. My office phone rang and I got up to get it. "Edward Cullen."

_"Yo, it's me."_

"Hey, Em."

_"Alice is busy so I'm gonna pick up Lil."  
_  
"I was gonna drop her off. I can bring her to your place."

_"I have to get out of the house." _He lowered his voice. _"Rose is driving me up a wall."  
_  
"That's what happens when you live with your girl," I laughed. "'Kay, that's fine. You can pick her up."

_"Rose and I are going over Alice and Jasper's later anyway, so I'll bring Lily with us."  
_  
"Cool, thanks."  
_  
"No prob. See you in a few."_

"Wait!"

_"What?"  
_  
I looked down at Lily. "Can you come in, like, thirty minutes?"

"Yeah, no problem."

_"Thanks, Em."_

I hung up and sat back down next to Lily. I looked at her drawing and started drawing something myself. I ended up drawing Spiderman, and then Lily reached over and drew a cape behind his back.

"Spiderman doesn't have a cape."

"But capes are _cool_."

I laughed and looked over at her drawing. "What's that?"

She pointed at each person as she said their name. "Mommy, the baby, you, Connor, me."

I smiled at the picture. Bella was holding the baby, and- "Where are my legs?"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." She drew my legs and shoes, and I took the picture to hang up under the family picture she drew last year. I looked at the improvements in detail from last year to this. And the biggest change - the baby. I was glad she included him, but still terrified that she might feel left out when he got here.

"Maybe you can get markers for next time."

I turned and smiled at her. "I think I will." She didn't come here often, but I didn't want her getting bored when she did.

I sprawled down on my back next to her, watching the ceiling as she sat next to me, drawing another picture.

"I want to say something."

I turned my head to look at her. "Tell me."

"I love you."

I picked her up and sat her on my stomach. "Can I tell you a secret?"

She nodded enthusiastically and leaned her head down. "I love you, too," I whispered in her ear. "A lot."

She pulled back with her ear to her shoulder, giggling. "That tickles!"

"_That_ tickles?" I put her on the ground and began tickling her mercilessly as she squealed and tried to get away.

I stopped abruptly and jerked up as my door was opened. "Mr. Cullen – Oh, sorry!" Lauren closed the door halfway and spoke from behind it. "I just wanted to let you know that Emmett is here."

"Uncle Emmett! Uncle Emmett!" Lily skipped on circles.

I went to get her coat and scarf and Lauren opened the door all the way. "She's so cute!"

"Thanks." I didn't really want to acknowledge her, but I couldn't ignore her either.

I got Lily ready and put on my coat and scarf before walking out.

"Bye, Mr. Cullen!"

"Bye," I called out without looking back. Lily turned to wave to Lauren.

I met up with Emmett downstairs and he bent down to pick up Lily as she ran toward him. "Hey, Lil! Ready?"

"Yeah!" She hit his chest a few times in excitement and he kissed her cheek.

I gave the cake to Emmett as someone passing by began cooing and talking to Lily. "This is some cake for her, but only if she eats dinner."

"'Kay."

"Thanks for taking her. Bella and I just need some time alone."

"I'm sure you do," he said and wagged his eyebrows.

"Shut up." I hit his stomach. "I'll pick her up in a couple of hours."

"Do you want her to sleep over? She'll be asleep in a few hours anyway."

"Hey, you." I tapped Lily's shoulder and she turned to look at me. "Do you want to sleep over at Uncle Emmett's house?"

"Yeah!"

"But no crying in the middle of the night. Everybody will be sleeping and no one will be able to bring you home."

"I know."

She had a thing with waking up in the middle of the night, and if Bella and I aren't there, she flips.

"You sure you want to sleep there?"

"I'm sure," she nodded.

I turned to Emmett. "If she cries a lot, just call me, okay? I'll come get her," I whispered.

"She'll be fine," he waved me off.

"Okay, give me a kiss goodbye."

Emmett leaned forward and I hit his forehead. "Not you, idiot."

Lily reached forward to hug me and I kissed her goodbye. "Have fun. And behave!" I called out as they walked away.

Lily turned to wave to me. "Bye, idiot," she smiled.

"That word is for adults!" I laughed. I'd gotten good at not cursing next to her, but little words like that still slipped out.

When I finally got on the subway, I plopped down in a seat, crammed between two people. I was beyond exhausted.

I transferred over to a bus, then finally walked the final few blocks home.

I opened the front door to find Bella watching TV in the living room. She was in her robe, eating ice cream.

Ice cream. Dessert. "Shit."

She looked at me, amused. "Hi to you, too."

I began putting my coat on again. "I forgot to get a cake. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Come here. Forget the cake." She called me over with her finger, and I obeyed like a puppy.

I took my coat and scarf off as I made my way over to her. I moved back as she got up and went into the kitchen.

"Where do you think you're going?"

She put the empty bowl in the sink and looked over at me. "Sit your butt down."

"Yes, ma'am."

She came over and dropped her robe, making me drool on the spot. She was completely naked underneath.

She giggled and straddled my lap, unbuttoning my shirt as I looked down at her belly. I didn't want her doing anything strenuous or unnecessary. Namely, I didn't want anything pushing the baby out too soon. We were already pushing it by having sex this close to her due date. "Bella..."

"I'm fine. Now shush." She took my tie off and I shut my mouth. "Are you hungry?" She looked up at me. "I forgot to ask. I made shrimp casserole."

I shook my head. "Uh-uh." I _was _hungry, but that could wait.

She licked my lower lip and I opened my mouth to roll my tongue against hers. I sighed into her mouth and she pulled back with a smile. She sat up on her knees and looked down at me as I stared at her through hooded eyelids.

"How much time do we have?"

I gave her a lazy smile. "As much time as we want. Lily's sleeping over their house."

"Was she good today?"

I nodded. "She was. We just had a little...tantrum problem at Two Boots. Then she took a nap and everything was fine afterward."

"She's been throwing those tantrums more often these past few weeks."

"I know," I sighed. I wanted to tell her how Lily thought Bella and I wouldn't love her anymore, but I really didn't want to get into it right now, and Bella already knew how Lily felt. We knew why the tantrums were happening more often. The closer Bella's due date got, the more tantrums Lily threw.

Bella leaned down again, kissing up my jaw and to my ear, biting the outer shell, making me growl softly. "Mmm..."

"Fuck, Bella," I bucked my hips up. "Fuck me."

"Be patient," she giggled.

"No!" I ground out. I moved so that she would get off, and I got up to drop my pants and take my shirt off as quickly as possible.

I sat back and led her down to straddle my lap, leaning forward to catch her nipple between my lips.

"Oh," she gasped as her hand cupped the back of my head. "Edward…harder."

I looked up at her with a smile. "Babe, I really don't want to taste your milk."

She laughed as she brought her hand down to grasp my cock, already hard and leaking against my thigh.

"Oh, fuck…" My head lolled back as she got on her knees and sucked the tip in her mouth, flicking her tongue against the slit. "Bells…" I panted, unable to form any coherent though. I needed her – badly. "Up."

She stood and jerked my cock a couple of times before positioning it at her entrance. Yes, yes, yes, _finally_. She slid down slowly, filling herself up with me. Oh, fuck. So beautiful.

We moaned in unison, and I thought I might black out at the feel of her wrapped tightly around me.

"Oh, fuck, Edward…Edward!"

"Ungh!" I felt myself twitch inside of her at hearing her curse. "God, you're amazing."

She laid her forearms on my shoulders and held the back of my head as she looked down at me. I watched her breasts go up and down with each pant. She leaned her head down and nipped at my neck, sucking on the pulse point. "You're close, baby?" She whispered in my ear.

"Uh-huh," I strained out. She knew.

"Come for me."

Fuck. Me. I fucking loved it when she said shit like that.

"Uh huh," I strained out again. "Yeah…yeah…Ugh!" She never faltered, riding me languidly, unknowingly torturing me. "Oh, God…fuck…fuck, fuck…"

"Come for me, baby."

"Bells…" I ground out. The tightening in my stomach snapped and I felt my cock twitch in her heat before I spilled into her, kissing her as I held her against me.

I laid there for a few minutes, spent, as she got off me and went to get cleaned up.

I shook my head. "Get over here."

I laid her down on the couch and spread her legs, kissing down her belly as I played with her clit. She hadn't had a chance to come, and that wasn't acceptable. I lowered my head to lap at her juices, tasting myself as well. I grimaced at the tough of tasting myself, but it wasn't anything I hadn't done before, and I pushed past it for her.

I flicked my tongue against her clit just the way she liked it, and felt myself getting hard again at the mewls and moans she elicited.

After she finished, I slid up her body and wiped my face all over hers, making her laugh and try to push me away. "Edward, ew!"

I laughed and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

She let out a long sigh. "Let's take a shower."

"And sleep."

"You still have to eat."

"Right." I looked into the kitchen. "Can I just have a Pop Tart?"

"But I made you dinner."

"I'll eat it tomorrow." I made my way over to the kitchen and grabbed a Brown Sugar Pop Tart before holding Bella's hand and leading her upstairs.

I ate quickly and we took a shower even more quickly before making our way into bed.

I turned to my side to look at Bella, and after a few seconds, she opened her eyes. "What?"

"I love you," I said as I felt my heart flutter.

"I love you, too. Now go to sleep." She kicked my leg playfully.

"Ow…meanie," I pouted. I stared at her for a few seconds longer, not able to see much in the dark.

"Yes, Edward?"

"I want to…" Fucking pound into you, but I'm afraid something might happen to the baby.

"Yeah?"

"Go another round."

"Ok," she yawned as she moved the covers off her body.

"No, it's fine," I said as I covered her again. I shouldn't have said anything. She was obviously tired. I kissed her forehead, and then her lips. "I'm tired, anyway. And we always have the morning."

"Okay," I could hear her smiling as she turned her back to me so that I could wrap my arm around her.

I was excited to be able to go to sleep early, so I closed my eyes and let myself drift off.

My eyes shot open when I heard the phone ring, and I looked at my bedside clock. 3:23. It was still dark out. Couldn't be 3:23 in the afternoon.

I got up and made sure Bella was still sleeping before going inside to get the phone. "Hello?" I asked groggily.

"_Dude, she won't stop crying! All she keeps saying is that she wants you."_ Emmett's voice boomed through the phone and I heard a voice that could only be Lily's, screaming in the background.

"Let me talk to her."

I pulled the phone away from my ear as Lily's crying got closer. I couldn't exactly understand what she was saying, and imagined her face was one big blob of mucus and saliva.

"But, you don't want to stay with Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett?"

Her crying subsided for two seconds before she wailed out, _"Nooooooo!"_ and began screaming again.

"Okay, okay, okay! Listen. Lily, listen to me."

She drew in a ragged breath and let out a small _"Okay."_

"I'm going to come get you, but you have to promise me you'll stop crying, okay? You're making Rose and Emmett very sad."

"_Okay."_

"Can you give the phone to Uncle Emmett?"

"_Hello?"_

"I'm gonna come get her right now. Just get her ready."

"_Alright, I'll see you."_

"Bye."

I went back into my room and threw on a pair of sweats, didn't bother putting on a shirt, and zipped my jacket up all the way. "Babe." No answer. I shoved my feet into my sneakers and made my way over to Bella. "Babe." I shook her a bit.

"Hm?"

"I'll be back in a little bit. I'm going to pick up Lily."

"Mm-hm."

I grabbed my keys and wallet and made my way out, going to pick up this little girl that my world revolved around.

* * *

**Aw, I love the way Edward is with Lily. The story is still not done, but we're getting close (kind of). There's still drama coming ****up (muahaha), so enjoy these cute moments while they last lol.**

**Please review with thoughts and comments!  
**


	41. GiveMeOneGoodReasonWhyYou'reStillInLove

**This takes place about a week after the last chapter.**

**Enjoy :)**

**- JayBee**

* * *

**BPOV**

Edward rolled over onto his stomach and threw a warm arm over me. "Hi," he said groggily.

"Hi," I smiled as I poked my head out of the top of the bed sheets. He rubbed my belly with his hand, his green eyes dark with sleep. I played with his hair as he kissed my stomach. "You're gonna be late for work," I whispered as I looked at the clock. It was already 8:30.

"Don't wanna go," he mumbled against my skin. He finally mustered up the energy to drag himself out of bed, and I watched as he walked around the room to get ready.

Beautiful.

That's the only word I could find that fit Edward. After all these years, I still couldn't describe how I felt about him, or the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach every time he looked or smiled at me. I watched as he pulled his grey slacks on and buttoned up his shirt, his fingers moving quickly.

He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Bye, baby."

"Bye," I said as I pulled the covers back over my head. Lily would be up soon, and I wanted to get as much sleep as possible until then.

When I opened my eyes again, I heard the pitter patter of little feet running around the house.

I got out of bed slowly, careful not to alarm the baby. As much as I wanted to give birth as soon as possible, I really didn't want to go into labor while I was home alone. I walked downstairs to find Lily curled up into a ball, half asleep and playing with her hair as she watched TV.

I held my hand out. "Come on, Lil. You have to get ready for school."

She dragged herself off the couch and made her way over to me. She took my hand and rubbed the sleep from her eyes as we made our way upstairs.

After Alice came to pick her up - Edward made sure I didn't drive anywhere - I lounged around the house and watched TV, waiting for Alice to get back.

Alice came back with a tray full of cupcakes.

"I love you!" I yelled as I moved to the side to let her in. "And they're red velvet!" She followed me into the kitchen to grab a couple of plates, and we made our way into the living room. We sat on the couch and for a few minutes, just shoved cupcakes into our mouths. "Did Lily make a big fuss about going into the school?"

"Not at all." Alice shook her head, and I was relieved to hear that there wasn't any trouble. "She was fine, especially after she saw her friends."

"Good," I said with a mouthful of red velvet cupcake.

"Is she still worried about the baby?"

"Yeah." I peeled back the wrapper on another cupcake as I spoke. "Most days, she's good. But sometimes…I don't even know. She'll cry for the tiniest things. Or for no reason at all."

"She's just a baby herself," Alice said with a shrug.

"I know. It just…breaks my heart. Sometimes, _I_ can't even calm her down. Only Edward can. Lately, she's been attached at his hip."

"She's probably scared."

"That's what makes me so sad." I put the cupcake down and stared at it. Suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore. It killed me to know that Lily was afraid we'd stop loving her or leave her when the baby arrived.

"It's natural for her to feel this way, Bella."

"I know," I said softly, looking down at my belly.

"Have you guys picked a name yet?"

I smiled at Alice, thankful she tried to take my mind off of my concerns. "We were looking through a baby name book again last night." I smiled at the memory of Edward and I curled up on the couch reading the book. "And we narrowed it down to two."

"And…?"Alice looked at me expectantly.

"Aiden or Brandon."

"They're adorable!" She laughed as I jumped at her excitement. "Bella, I love those names. I'm so glad you didn't pick Edward, Jr. or something."

"Ew, no," I grimaced. "I love Edward, but…just no." I didn't like the sound of the name for my child.

"I'm so excited! Can you just pop him out already?"

I threw my head back with a laugh. "I'm trying! I want to meet him just as badly as you do."

We hung out around the house until it was time to pick up Lily.

I went along with Alice, and when we got back, we sat with Lily as she ate her after-school snack.

"This is yummy, mommy," Lily squeaked as she pushed her hair out of her face and licked the icing from her lips.

Okay, maybe a cupcake wasn't the healthiest snack. But it was a delicious one. "Your Aunt Alice got it."

"Mmm."

"What do you say?"

"Mmm."

"Lily."

"Thank you," she smiled at Alice.

"You're very welcome, munchkin," Alice smiled back and ran a hand through Lily's hair.

I leaned down to kiss the top of Lily's head, and then just stared at her for a while as she ate. How could something be this breathtaking? I just wanted to squeeze her and never let go.

Lily finished eating and went upstairs to play as Alice and I made our way to the balcony. I left the door open in case Lily needed to find us, and breathed in the cold, refreshing air.

I don't know how long we were out on the balcony, but I was surprised when two arms encircled my waist and two hands were laid on top of mine on my belly. I smiled as Edward nuzzled my neck before kissing it.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower."

"Okay," I sighed. I missed his warmth as he let me go, and followed him inside with Alice behind me. I went upstairs to check on Lily, and found her sleeping on her bedroom floor. I put her in her bed and heard Edward moving around in our bedroom before going back downstairs.

Alice and I began making dinner, and I told her to call Jasper over to eat with us.

"It's okay, Bella. I'm going to leave in a little bit, anyway."

"Don't leave. Just tell him to come here after work. We'll all eat together, and then you guys can go."

She finally agreed and called Jasper. I smiled at their conversation as I diced the tomatoes. They were so adorable. As Alice hung up, I heard Lily crying upstairs. I didn't hear the shower running – Edward would get her. She started crying harder – shrieking – and Alice turned her head to look at me.

"Edward, can you get Lily?" I called upstairs.

"_Bella!"_ He yelled, panic in his voice.

I dropped the knife and sprinted upstairs as best I could, my heart beating in fear.

I followed Lily's voice and pushed open our bedroom door, my heart literally skipping a beat when I saw what was before me. I froze. "Don't touch her!" I yelled at Edward. He was sitting in front of a small table that was covered in white powder, hands out toward Lily as she stood next to him, crying, covered in blood. "Don't fucking touch her!"

"I-I-I'm trying to keep her away from me," he stuttered, looking at me in fear.

Blood. Everywhere. On Edward's clothing, on the floor, on Lily, smeared all over Edward's face…all coming from his nose.

I lunged forward and picked Lily up, running out of the room as quickly as possible.

I ran over to Alice, who was all but having a panic attack when she saw Lily and me. "What happened?"

"Alice, please, just take Lily to your house."

"What happened?"

"I – Edward – he – again – he relapsed."

"What?" Alice's eyes went wide. "Is she hurt?" She began examining Lily.

"I don't think so. Probably shocked and scared. _Please_, just take her. Leave!" I couldn't get them out of the house soon enough. If Edward even came close to hurting Lily the way he had hurt me all those years ago…

Lily had calmed down enough by the time they left, and I ran upstairs again, holding my stomach, fear settling in stomach with each step I took.

Edward was still sitting where I had left him, mouth and clothing still covered in blood, white powder still smeared all over the table. His hair was damp, from sweat or from the shower, I didn't know. I wet a paper towel in the bathroom and wiped up his face before throwing it away.

I just…I give up.

I sat on my knees, looking down at the carpet, at a complete loss for words.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered. I could feel his eyes on me. He waited for an answer, and continued when I kept my gaze down. "Bella, I'm sorry," he said a little louder.

I finally looked up at him. "What do you want me to say?" I felt defeated. Completely. I didn't know what to do, and nothing I thought to do made sense. "You want me to forgive you again?"

"No," he whispered. It was his turn to look down. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"So…what? You were just gonna keep doing this behind everyone's back again? I'm sorry our daughter walked in on you and ruined your secret! I can't…" I stood up to leave and he walked toward me on his knees.

"No, Bella, _please_. Please don't leave me." He hugged my legs, and I laid my hands on his shoulders as I looked down at him. I couldn't take this.

"Edward, get up." I hated it when he hugged my knees. He had only done it twice before – a long, _long_ time ago – and it broke my heart at how desperate he looked.

"No. You're gonna leave. Please don't. Please. I got it from a guy at work. I swear, I was only going to do it this one time. I _swear_. Please believe me. And it didn't even work, so you know for a fact I won't do it again." He was making no sense. I couldn't be sure he wouldn't try it again if he didn't get high this time. "I just missed the feeling. I'm sorry. I-I-I'm not lying to you. I…I don't know what else to tell you." His voice cracked, and my heart dropped when I realized he was crying. "I never lie to you. Please, believe me. _Please_. I, uh…I…there's this intern at work. She likes me and I find her attractive but I've never done anything with her. And I never will. I don't like her in the least. Uh…last month, when Lily bumped her head, it was my fault. I was playing with her. I…yesterday, I forgot to take Connor out for a walk. Uh…I don't know. I don't know what else I haven't told you about. I just don't want to case you any stress. It's not good for the baby. Bella, _please_. I'm begging you, don't leave me."

I felt my insides twist at his words. I couldn't tell if I was angry or sad. "You don't want to cause me any stress? What did you think would have happened if I had found out about this? Even if you did it just this once, even if I found out about it years later. You think it wouldn't have broken my heart? You think this doesn't kill me? Knowing that now our children have to be without a father for months?" He had to. He had to go back to rehab. I looked at the bags of cocaine on the ground. Why so many? Was he planning on doing it all today?

"No!" His hands went to my stomach and he kissed it, letting his lips linger there. "I'm not addicted!" He looked up at me with pleading eyes. "Please don't make me go back there, Bella." He stood and wiped my tears.

"You have to."

"No. Please. I can't leave you and Lily and the baby."

"Edward…" his name was barely a whisper. I wanted more than anything to just forgive him and tell him this wasn't a big deal. I wanted him to stay. But he couldn't. "I can't risk it."

"What are you talking about? This was just a one-time thing."

"I can't know that for sure. And I can't risk you hurting Lily."

"You think I would_ hurt_ her?" His eyes went wide as he stepped back. "You think I would lay a fucking hand on her?"

"You did it to me. I can't be sure you wouldn't do it to her. And I can't risk it." At this point, I didn't care if sounded like a bitch. I was fucking fuming. I was beyond angry at him.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I told you I wasn't going to do this again!"

"You obviously can't control it!"

He let out a heavy breath and sat on the bed, dropping his head into his hands. "Please, God, let this be a dream." I sat next to him and stared at the blood on the ground. We lay down on our sides, facing each other. Neither one of us said anything for a while. Edward broke the silence first. "Can I at least leave after the baby arrives?"

I let out a long sigh. "It'll be harder for you leave. And the sooner you go, the sooner you'll get back. Maybe they won't make you see a therapist this time and you won't have to stay as long as last time."

"Maybe." He leaned forward to kiss my forehead, and I closed my eyes, forcing the tears back.

Neither one of us sounded hopeful, because we both knew that what I said wasn't likely. I couldn't imagine how hard it was going to be when he left this time. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for us, for his family, and especially for Lily.

When we finally calmed down enough to stand, I called Alice and told her to bring Lily over. I explained to Alice that Edward was going to leave tomorrow, and asked if we could all meet at his parents' house tomorrow morning so he could say goodbye to everyone.

Edward, Lily, and I sat around the television, no one saying much. We had explained to Lily that Edward was sick and needed to go to the doctor to get better, but she didn't understand how long he was going to be gone. She didn't understand the concept of weeks or months yet. I prayed that they didn't keep him longer than the four months they had previously kept him.

Lily was curled up in Edward's lap, watching the movie as he played with her hair. He leaned down to kiss her cheek, and she pushed herself up to face him.

"I'm gonna miss you, Lil."

"Mm…me too, but you're coming back."

"Yes, but I'm going to be gone for a long time. I won't be back for a long time."

"Like tomorrow." It wasn't a question.

He closed his eyes and his eyebrows pulled together. They'd had this same conversation three times already, and I knew it killed him to have to explain it to her over and over.

He opened his eyes and tucked her hair behind her ear. "No, baby girl. Not like tomorrow. You know how you wake up, go to school, come home, and go to sleep? You know how that's one day?" She nodded enthusiastically. "I'm going to be gone for one hundred and twenty-four days." She nodded again and he let out a frustrated sigh. "You have to wake up and go to sleep one hundred and twenty-four times."

"Okay," she nodded.

Edward closed his eyes again, tighter this time. I put a hand on his arm and he turned his head to look at me. "Edward, it's okay." She didn't know how much hundred and twenty-four was, and as frustrated as he was getting, he wouldn't be able to teach it to her right now.

Lily went back to watching the movie, and Edward pressed his thumb and forefinger to his eyes. "No, Bella, it's not okay. She thinks I'm coming back in a day."

"She'll understand after a few days."

Something resembling a choking sound escaped his mouth, and he sat Lily up to hug her. "I love you so much, baby. So much."

"Me too." She hugged his neck, and I felt the tears stinging my eyes as I took it in. "Daddy, don't go."

"I have to. To get better."

"Because of the baby?"

"No. Because I'm sick."

"Because I cried? I won't cry anymore. I promise." Her voice was muffled by Edward's shirt.

"No, it's not because of you. It's because of me. I'm sick." His voice cracked at the end of the sentence, and I felt like the worst mother and wife for sending him away.

But I had to force myself to tell him to go. There was no other way I could be sure that he would stop. Hell, I couldn't even be sure after he got back.

It was starting all over again. We were back to the beginning.

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**Please don't kill me! I've been planning this relapse for a longgg time now, and you all knew something was coming. I'm going to beg like Edward and say please, please let me know what you thought of this chapter.**

**Do you think Bella made the right decision by sending him away, or should she have let him stay and trust that he would never do it again?**


	42. This Is Twice Now

**Sorry it's so short!**

**The song for this chapter is "This Is Twice Now" by Lydia. This is the only title of this chapter (of those I've named) that is not a Chiodos or D.R.U.G.S. song, but I heard this song last week and loved it.**

**- JayBee**

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**BPOV**

"I don't want you! I want daddy!"

I let out sigh and looked up at the sky. "God, please help me." I looked back down at Lily before looking over to wear Emmett was sitting with Aiden in his lap. I took another glance at Lily, who was sitting in the woodchips, crying her eyes out. I plopped down in front of her, completely drained. Emmett and I had decided to bring Lily and Aiden to the park, but I was quickly beginning to regret that decision.

Emmett came over and handed Aiden over to me before taking a knee in front of a crying Lily under the monkey bars.

"Hey. Hey, munchkin." He tapped her shoulder as she wailed. "Hey, hey. What happened?"

"I f-fell!"

"Are you hurt?"

"My butt," she mumbled. I was glad that she had stopped crying so quickly, but I knew she was still hurting – and not physically. Knowing that and seeing her try to cope with it killed me.

Emmett bent down to pick her up and she wrapped her arms and legs around him before resting her head on his shoulder. "I want daddy."

"I know. I want him here, too. But he's coming back in five days." He forced a smile, even though Lily wasn't looking at his face.

I couldn't believe Edward was coming back in five days, and as much as it hurt not having him here, it was easier to get through these three months than it was last time – but I don't think I could make it through four months like last time. The only thing worse than not having Edward here was seeing Lily struggle with it. Some days, she was okay, but most days, she would wake up in the middle of the night crying for him.

I was more than privileged to have Emmett around, because he seemed to be the only one to be able to calm her down when she cried for Edward to come back.

Lily stayed clung to him as we began walking back home.

I couldn't explain to anyone in words how excited I was to have Edward back. And I was beyond excited for him to meet Aiden. To Aiden, Edward didn't exist. They'd never met. He was born two weeks after Edward left, and was just about three months old now. Edward had heard Aiden cry over the phone, and that was the extent of their relationship.

When we got back home, Em and I called everyone over for dinner, and I was thankful that he and Rose helped me prepare.

That night went by in a blur, mainly because everyone kept talking about Edward, and I didn't want to talk about him in detail, so I didn't pay much attention to the conversations going on.

Jasper lightly elbowed me and leaned in. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I smiled. I was fine. I was just anxious for Edward to get back. The last week was the hardest, because it passed by the slowest.

"Good." Jasper turned back around and continued eating and talking.

That night, I couldn't sleep. Besides the fact that Aiden kept crying, I couldn't stop worrying about how things would be when Edward got back. Would he be able to adjust to having two children? What if he isolated himself from everyone again? I wasn't worried about the rest of the family so much as I was worried about him isolating himself from Lily. The adults would understand if he cut himself off from them for a while – but how could I explain it to our daughter? I should have watched over him to make sure he wasn't doing anything behind my back.

But I didn't think he'd ever hide anything from me…again. And I didn't think he would relapse after all those years. Maybe he _was_ just going to do it that one time. Maybe I made him go to rehab for no reason.

Ugh…no! It wasn't for no reason. How could he be so…so…irresponsible, so stupid? Why would he think he could control it the second time if he couldn't control it the first time? Why would he do it where our daughter could – and did – easily walk in and see him? Why would he want her to grow up around that, to think that was normal and okay?

I wiped the tear that had slid down onto my pillow, and turned onto my back. I couldn't cry over this anymore. I was so fucking sick of it.

Part of me wanted to hate him for doing this and leaving us, and part of me wanted to tell him it was okay and that I believed he would never do it again. But as much as I tried to force myself to believe the latter, I always had to watch over my shoulder. I knew that now. Even twenty years from now, I always had to make sure he wasn't in danger of falling back into the trap.

I heard footsteps running toward my room and turned my head to see a small figure in the doorway.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, baby."

"I can't sleep."

I moved over and pulled the covers back as she made her way over and into the bed. I was glad to see she hadn't cried. She'd simply gotten out of bed and came over. Maybe my little baby was growing up faster than I thought.

I kissed the top of her head as she snuggled into my body.

"Daddy is coming in five days, right?"

"Yupp. Tomorrow, there will be four days left. And then three, then two, then one, and then he's home," I smiled.

"I'm gonna draw pictures for him and he can look at them when he comes back."

"He'd love it if you drew pictures for him."

Please, God, let him be excited for the pictures Lily draws for him. Please don't let him seclude himself from everybody when he gets back.

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**As always, reviews make my day. :)**

**(Oh, and some good news - Edward comes back in the next chapter.) - Well, it's only good if you still like him. I know some of you are pissed at him, but I love this guy, drugs or no drugs.**


	43. Life Will Be Everything We Wanted ItToBe

**New chapter!  
**

**If there are any questions you have about this chapter, let me know. Sometimes I just assume that readers know what's going on, when I haven't made it clear at all (very bad habit). Also, I'm int he middle of reading _Fifty Shades Darker_, so that influenced some parts of this chapter.  
**

**The next chapter will be the _last_ chapter of this story. I think these two have been through enough. :)  
**

**- JayBee  
**

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**BPOV**

I crept out of my bed slowly, careful not to wake Lily. I followed the sound of Aiden's crying to his room, and picked him up from his crib before sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. I lifted my shirt and he began nursing as soon as he could. I looked out the window and smiled at the sky. It was a shade lighter than its usual navy blue, and the sun would be up in about an hour. A few hours after that, Lily, Aiden, and I would go to pick Edward up.

I beamed down at Aiden at the thought of Edward being home and meeting him.

After he fell asleep, I put Aiden back in his bassinet and tip-toed back to my bed. I crawled in and pulled the sheets over my body slowly, only to have Lily sit straight up.

"Mommy?" she whispered groggily.

"Yeah?"

"Is daddy here yet?"

"No, baby. Go back to sleep. We're going to pick him up in the morning."

I closed my eyes as she got settled under the blanket.

I opened my eyes to see the sun shining through the blinds.

"Mommy, it's morning!" Lily whisper-yelled as she tapped on my arm.

I turned my head away from the bright light and closed my eyes. "Mmm."

"We have to get daddyyy."

"Not yet. Thass later," I mumbled into my pillow.

I was only able to lie down for a few more minutes, more because of the fact that I was excited than the fact that Lily was being noisy downstairs.

When I got to the staircase, I heard Aiden making small noises and went to get him.

"Good morning!" I smiled as I picked him up. "Peeyew! Someone needs to get changed…" I set him down on the changing table and quickly changed his diaper before we made our way downstairs. The smell of dirty diapers might be the only thing you never get used to with children.

I put Aiden in his rocker next to Connor and Lily in the living room and went into the kitchen to fix some breakfast. I raised my head to check on the kids once in a while, making sure Lily wasn't trying to feed Aiden gum again or something. That wasn't a fun day.

I filled Con's water and food bowls and leaned down to give him a kiss when he came over to eat.

"Lily, come on, baby. Breakfast."

She ran into the kitchen as I picked Aiden up and brought him into the kitchen to feed him.

"Are we going to get daddy after I eat?" Lily asked with a mouth full of toast. She was gobbling down the food, and I put her hand down so she wouldn't shove the whole piece in her mouth. My eyes got wide as she made a choking sound, and continued eating a second later, her green eyes welling up with tears.

I swear to God, one of these days, this girl is going to give me a heart attack.

"Lil, slow down. We still have time until he's ready."

I put Aiden back in his rocker and dialed Edward's parents' number as I looked out the kitchen window.

"_Hello?"_

"Mr. Cullen? It's Bella. I'm gonna pick up Edward in about an hour. Everyone is still coming over tonight, right?"

"Hey, Bella. Yes, just let us know when you guys make it back home. I have to go into the hospital for a few hours, and we'll come by when I get back."

"On a Sunday?"

"Patients don't choose the times they need a doctor," he laughed.

Well…sometimes they do. "That's true. I'll see you later, then, Mr. Cullen."

"Do you need us to bring anything?"

"No, thanks. Rosalie and I got everything yesterday."

"Okay, then. See you all later."

"Bye."

I hung up and couldn't help but smile at the phone. He sounded as if he was beaming, and I couldn't blame him. Edward was coming home today.

EDWARD WAS COMING HOME TODAY!

I squealed in excitement and quickly shut my mouth when Lily stared at me. "I'm just…happy," I smiled. I was beyond happy. _Ecstatic._ Finally – _finally_, Edward as coming home. "You wanna go get ready?"

"Yeah!" Lilly was all smiles as she ran up the stairs, her hair bouncing with each step.

I followed her up with Aiden on my hip. I let her pick out whatever she wanted to wear, and wasn't surprised to see she picked out pink shorts and a pink t-shirt. I left her to get dressed, got Aiden ready, and quickly got dressed in a white tank top and dark-wash denim shorts. "Lily, you ready?" I asked as I tied my hair back.

"Yeah!" she called out. She came into the bedroom and sat on the bed as I put on some eyeliner. I put on a bit of lip gloss and looked down when Lily came over. "Mommy, can you put some on me?"

"Sure." I put a dab on her lips and smiled when she rubbed her lips together. I very rarely let her wear lip gloss – only on special occasions. Today was as special as it was going to get for her. "Let's go," I smiled.

We wore our flip flops and made our way to the car. We were going to get their earlier than necessary, but I couldn't wait anymore. I didn't know who was more restless – Lily or myself.

We stopped by Starbucks to get some coffee for Edward and me and hot chocolate for Lily. It reminded me of the last time I went to pick Edward up with Mr. Cullen. I couldn't believe how much things had changed since then.

When we got there, we still had a half-hour until Edward would be ready to be released. The clinic hadn't changed at all since I'd last been here - the only differences were the plants on the ground and the paintings hanging on the walls. Lily was playing with Aiden, getting frustrated that he wouldn't drink her hot chocolate.

I laughed as I took the cup from her hands. "Lil, he can't drink that. He doesn't know how to drink from a cup yet."

"Okay," she sighed as she sat in the seat next to me. She swung her legs back and forth, letting out a series of sighs.

"You bored?"

"Yeah..."

"Just a little longer, okay? He'll be out any minute." I was speaking, but I could barely focus on my conversation with Lily. I couldn't think about anything but seeing his face and feeling his touch.

Growing up, I never thought I'd be so dependent on someone, and even knowing how much I loved Edward, I never thought I'd depend on his love to get me through every day. It's scary in a way, but at the same time, it's nice to know that the person whose love I depend on also depends on my love. Though I know it's not healthy to be co-dependent in a relationship, Edward and I somehow make it work. Even when we have big issues such as his addiction (or my stupid kiss with Jacob), I would never even think of leaving him. I know I had good reason to send him to rehab, but I still feel guilty for making him leave. I just couldn't risk his addiction affecting our children.

I was jerked out of my thoughts when Lily jumped down from her seat and sprinted toward the other side of the room.

"Daddy!"

My heart jumped into my throat when I saw him. He glanced at me quickly before dropping his bag and taking a knee to catch Lily in his arms. I pushed the stroller toward them, grinning from ear to ear at the way they were clinging onto each other.

"I missed you," Lily said as she hugged Edward's neck.

"I know, baby. I missed you, too. So, so much." He hugged her tighter and picked her up. "You got so tall."

"You came back," she said, completely disregarding his comment.

"I told you I would," Edward said with a small laugh. "I love you."

"Me too," Lily squeaked.

He held her close for a little while longer before putting her down.

He took a few steps toward me and kissed me before hugging me tightly, almost to the point where it hurt. Neither of us said anything. We stood holding each other for a few minutes before Edward let out a long breath. "I missed you," he whispered. He buried his face in my hair and breathed in deeply, loosening his grip on my hips as he exhaled.

"I missed you, too." I felt a sense of relief saying it out loud, telling him in person. He had lost weight like the last time he was at the clinic, but he had gotten a haircut this time. I couldn't believe I was hugging him, standing in his arms, taking in his scent. It had been too long. I wouldn't wish the feeling of emptiness I'd felt for the past four months on my worst enemy.

* * *

**EPOV**

"You don't understand," I said into her hair. "I missed you so much. Beyond what words can express. Please believe me when I say this will never happen again."

"I do. I believe you."

She sounded like she believed me, but I couldn't be sure. I wouldn't blame her for not believing me, but I couldn't have been speaking truer words. I know I'd told her I'd never do it again all those years ago, but I felt more strongly about it this time. I don't think I could go through another four months of my life - mentally, emotionally, or physically - without seeing my Bella or my children. I hope she knew that I was telling the truth when she and Lily found me with the coke months ago - I hadn't done it at all before that day, and I _was_ only planning on doing it that once. I just missed the feeling of the hi- ugh, fuck. Can't think that way.

I heard a mew down by my legs and kissed the top of Bella's head before leaning down to pick up Aiden. I cradled him in my arms and almost cried with the overflow of emotions bubbling in my heart. "Hi," was all I could think to say. He was so..._beautiful_. I was beyond happy to be back. I wanted to run around and announce to the world that I had my family back. And by some miracle, I still hadn't lost my job. Honestly, I couldn't be any luckier than I am in this moment.

I jumped in surprise when Aiden began to cry, pulling me out of my thoughts. I immediately handed him over to Bella. I told myself not to feel bad for having to have Bella calm him down, but it hurt to know that I was the reason my son was crying – because he had absolutely no clue who I was.

When we got to the car, I picked Lily up to put her in behind Bella's seat as Bella put Aiden in his car seat.

As we drove off, I turned around to make funny faces at Lily. She tried to make some faces back at me, but ended up laughing too much to do anything. I couldn't believe I was finally back. I finally got to see Lily's eyes light up as she laughed, Bella's hair flow in the wind as she walked, and Aiden's smirk – even though he still had no clue what he was doing. I couldn't wait to see the rest of my family and friends.

I turned back around as Lily looked out her window and continued playing with her hair.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sick still?"

"Nope. I'm all better."

"Good."

I turned to Bella as she turned to me, and she weaved her fingers in mine and squeezed my hand. I brought her hand up for a kiss and held it in my lap, reveling in the feel of her skin against mine.

"So was anything different this time?"

"Uhhh…" I let out a small laugh as I looked at Bella. "Yeah, actually. They let us have enough privacy to jerk off."

"Edward!" Her jaw dropped as she gawked at me.

"What? She's not listening." I turned to a sleeping Lily and prayed that she actually _wasn't_ listening, because she would, without a doubt, ask what "jerk off" means. "She's sleeping. Anyway, besides the privacy thing, everything's exactly the same. Except, I didn't really see any of the same people from last time. Even the employees were different."

We made small talk the rest of the way home, and put the kids to bed before lounging around our room. I turned on the TV and switched the channel to the first form of mindless tabloid fodder I could find. I didn't want to think, or come closely remote to doing anything where I had to use my brain. I just wanted to…relax.

Bella plopped down next to me on the bed, leaning into my side.

"Oh, I also did more activities this time."

She sat up and crossed her legs before looking down at me with a smile. "Really? Like what?"

"Well, I did _one_ thing. I played basketball. But played a lot, if that counts."

"So you weren't a crouch old man this time?" she asked as she poked my side.

"Hey! I'm never grouchy! And I'm not old!" I laughed.

"Sure, sure."

She kept poking my side, and I grabbed both of her hands in one hand. "Apologize."

"No." She shook her head.

"I said, apologize."

"Nope," she said with a laugh.

Oh, she wanted it to be like that? I held her wrists and turned her over onto her stomach, sitting on her butt and holding her hands behind her back.

"Apologize, Isabella," I said sternly.

She hesitated at the mention of her full name. She knew I was in the mood. It didn't take much to get me in the mood, especially after being away from my wife for months.

"No," she said in a small voice. Then she giggled. "Are you hard already?"

Ugh, _yes_. I was about to burst through my shorts. "Yeah," I whispered. "Is that a problem?" I ground my hips into the small of her back and suppressed a groan that threatened to escape my lips.

"Not at all," she said in a breathy voice.

I turned her onto her back and held her hands above her head as I straddled her waist. A shudder ran through my body when I felt her heat against my crotch. I bent down to nibble right behind her ear. I smiled against her smooth skin at her sharp intake of breath. "That feel good?"

"Yeah," she whined.

"Tell me what you want." I bit her earlobe.

"You."

"What _about_ me?" I was surprised by my body's reaction. I knew I was getting under her skin, but instead of feeling bad, I loved it. I got impossibly harder.

"I want you," she breathed.

"Which part of me?" I pinned my body against hers, my legs against her legs, my chest against her chest – so that she couldn't move. It did wonders to my dick to see how much she needed me. I looked down at her, giving her my most menacing glare. She pushed her hips up – or tried to – and I quickly pinned them down. "Say it or you're not getting it."

"Edward," she whined. She looked up at me for a few seconds before whispering, "Your cock."

My mouth dropped open and as I gasped audibly. Yes, that was the answer I was waiting for, but hearing this woman say dirty things like that killed me. "Oh, fuck…" I hastily took my shirt and pants off before undressing Bella. "You remember the safe word?"

She shook her head slowly, eyeing me warily.

"What is it?"

"Red."

"Good girl," I smiled deviously, holding her arms above her head once more. My heart dropped at the look of fear on her face, and I leaned down close to whisper to her. "You okay? She nodded without uttering a word. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

I smiled down at her before leaning down and trailing my teeth up her chest, her neck, and up her jaw to her ear. "Do you know how much I've missed you?" I whispered. "How much I've needed you?" I let go of her wrists. I couldn't bring myself to do this to her. Whatever had come over me before was now gone completely. I knew she enjoyed this – being restrained – but I couldn't do it to her. I pushed myself up on my forearms, hovering over her body. "I got so scared…" Her brow creased as she shook her head slowly. She knew what I had been afraid of. She didn't want me to say it – but I had to. It had been eating me up since I'd gotten to the clinic, and as much as I tried to suppress the fear, it kept rising up – crawling up from the pit of my stomach into my heart. "I was terrified," I mumbled against her lips. "Terrified that you would realize how unworthy of you I am. How much I don't deserve you."

She shook her head and brought her hands up to both sides of my face. 'Baby…"

"No, Bella. Please listen to me." I nuzzled her neck and breathed in her delicious scent. "I spent every day worrying…that – that you would find someone…else. That men would flirt with you, the way they always do, and that you would like one of them enough to give him a chance. That he would treat you the way you should be treated, give you everything you deserve. Not someone who puts you through a rollercoaster of emotions all the time."

Bella ran a hand through my hair, comforting me. "You give me more than I could ask for. I don't _want_ anybody else. Ever. Don't ever be afraid. You don't fear anything."

I raised my head when I heard the smile in her voice at her last sentence. "I fear _you_," I murmured with a smirk.

"_Me_?"

"You're the only person I know who could hurt me, Bella. _Really_ hurt me. With words or actions or…I don't know. Anything." I forced myself not to think about her kiss with Jacob – God, that was so long ago…in the past – or anything she had ever said to hurt me.

"I would never deliberately hurt you, Edward. I chose to marry you and have children with you. You think I would just up and leave? Just like that? I would never. Do you not know me better than that?"

"I'm sorry." She was right. I couldn't be having doubts like this after all these years.

"You're my best friend, Edward." She pulled my head down and kissed me softly. "I love you for everything you are and for everything you're not. And I love you for everything you used to be and everything you will be in the future. I will love you, always." I couldn't help the smile that ghosted across my face at her use of my 'always.' "I don't know what to do to make you see that I will never leave you for anyone else. You're everything I want and need. These past months have been hell on Earth for me, too. The only reason I was able to get out of bed in the mornings and smile a bit every now and then was because of Lily and Aiden. They were the only reason I was able to push the pain away. You're my everything. You're the reason I am."

I was at a loss for words. My heart felt as if it were literally swelling inside my chest. I closed my eyes and leaned my head down, rubbing my nose against Bella's before kissing her softly. I could never forgive myself for leaving her.

The kiss quickly deepened, almost violent, as my tongue invaded Bella's mouth and groans of passion filled the air. Bella bit my lower lip, eliciting a growl from deep within my chest. "I need you," I panted.

"I'm…yours. Take me," she said between kisses.

"Oh, Bella!" I moaned as I slid into her slowly. We fit so perfectly together…so perfectly. I would never leave this woman – not for anything. I had to believe that she wouldn't either. She loved me with all my flaws, with all my faults.

My thrusts became harder, faster, as my hips ground against hers. I was drilling into her, holding nothing back.

Bella's arms wrapped around my back and her hands tugged at my hair as her mouth opened in a silent scream, her eyes shut tight.

"Edward…_Edward_!"

"That's it, baby. Let it go…give it to me, Isabella."

Her eyes shot open at the use of her full name, her hips gyrating as she let out a series of moans and rode out her orgasm. I followed shortly after, my hips stilling as I spilled myself into her.

I pulled out of her slowly and collapsed next to her, completely spent. I turned my head to gaze at her beautiful afterglow. "You're the reason I'm still alive. I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered.

And in that moment, I knew that she would never leave me. We would get through anything together.

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**Just to clear things up, he wasn't suicidal. He meant that she saved his life by forcing him to go to rehab - twice.**

******Please review. It makes my day. :)**


	44. All's Well That Ends Well

**Last Chapter.**

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**BPOV**

"You don't think we're too old to be doing this?"

I look at Edward in the mirror and roll my eyes with a sigh. "Edward, we're going to a club, not streaking across a football field." It's been about a month since he's been back from the clinic, and we thought we'd go out with Em, Alice, Rose, and Jasper – without the children – for a change. Lily and Aiden are going to be sleeping over my dad's house, so we will have the house to ourselves.

Edward comes to stand behind me and smirks down at me through the mirror. "Well, could you at least wear a longer dress?"

"Nope," I say, popping the 'p' as I continue straightening my hair.

His face falls. "Bella…I can see everything. I can see your fucking pussy right now," he all but growls.

I'm not going to fight about this. "One, no you can't, because I'm wearing underwear. And two, the only reason you can see up the dress is because I'm sitting on the ground with my legs open."

"You're wearing a fucking thong. That's barely underwear. You're not going out, let alone to a _club_, dressed like that."

I rais an eyebrow and smirk at him through the mirror. "You don't mind my thongs any other time."

"You're right. I don't mind them when they're for _me_. But your ass is gonna be hanging out of this dress. Change. Now."

"You are not going to tell me what I am and am not going to wear." You'd think after this many years, he would understand that.

He kneels down next to me, facing the mirror. He turns his head to look at me, and my heart sinks when I see the sad look in his eyes, his brows furrowed. "Bella, please," he whispers. "You know how I feel about…" He lets out a long sigh and looks down at his lap, collecting his thoughts. Though he's gotten better at it, he still has trouble expressing his feelings at times. He looks back up at me after a few seconds. "You know how I feel when other guys make passes at you. Or…look at you."

Of course I know how he feels. If not for the many times he's told me, I know because I feel the same way when other women look at him. I straighten the last strands of my hair and turn off the straightener before turning to him, smirking when he takes a quick peek up my dress before looking at me. "Edward, even if they do look, it means nothing. They may want me, but you have me." _Same goes for him. Hypocrite._ Ugh, shut up.

"I know…"

"I'm not trying to get another guy or something."

He closes his eyes and turns his head away, and I immediately wish I hadn't said that. But I've told him so many times – when I dress a certain way, it's not about him or about other guys.

"I know." He turns back and his eyes bore into mine, like green grass in brown soil. "That makes me feel worse."

What? "How?"

"You dress this way for attention…"

I nod, and immediately I know where he's going with this. He's brought this up twice before, but the last time he mentioned it was years ago. "Edward –"

"Do I not give you enough attention? I try. I try to give you everything I have. Everything I feel inside."

"You do. Trust me, you give me more than I can ask for. I would never doubt your love for me. How could I? You do everything for me, for our kids, without a second thought." I don't know how many times I've told him this, but I will gladly remind him for the rest of your lives.

"Of course. You three are my world," he says, and I see a small smile playing on his lips. "But you know you don't need to do anything to get a man's attention. He would have to blind not to love you. Or deaf."

"Deaf?" I raise an eyebrow in question.

"If he doesn't fall in love with your looks, he'd fall in love with your personality."

I melt at the loving look in his eyes. My baby. I reach forward to hug him and he wraps his arms around me, surrounding me with the warmth of his body.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to control you. Wear whatever makes you happy."

I kiss his neck before sitting back on my heels. "Do you have any clue how much I love you?"

"Um…I may have an idea," he teases. I scrambled to my feet with a laugh and made my way over to the closet. "You're changing?" Edward asks, surprised.

"Yupp."

"I love you."

"I love you, too," I smile at him. "Which is why I'm changing." If it still makes him feel that way about himself when I dress a certain way, then I'll change. If it's that important to him, it's important to me.

"Still gonna wear something sexy?"

"Yes," I giggle.

"Are there restrooms at this place?"

"I'm sure there are. There has to be." I look at him quizzically. Restrooms? Why?

"Good. Keep the thong on," he smirks.

"Edward!" My mouth drops open, though really, I'm not surprised at what he's implying.

He shrugs and turns to answer the door downstairs. Must be Emmett. "It's a place we haven't been to before, which means it's a place we've never had sex in before." He winks at me as he turns to go down the stairs, and my insides feel like jelly.

* * *

**EPOV**

"_Oh, my God. Your dad is such a hottie."_

Hehehe…I've still got it.

"_Ew! He's, like, _old_."_

"_So? Still a total babe."_

I frown as I hear the conversation Lily is having with her friends. I make my way downstairs quickly, because frankly, I feel guilty overhearing the conversations she has with her friends.

"What's wrong?" Bella asks as she turns around from her place at the kitchen counter. I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her waist as she wraps her arms around mine.

"Our daughter just told Grace and Emily that I'm old." I know full well that I'm pouting, but I don't care. "I don't want to be old."

"Aw, baby, you're not old," Bella cajoles me as if I'm a child, and it makes me laugh.

"You don't count! You're forty."

She puts her hands on her hips and feigns anger. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"You're old." She slaps my arm playfully and I rub it theatrically. "Ow!" I hold her arms by her sides and lean down to give her a chaste kiss. "Well, at least her friends think I'm hot."

"Edward! They're seventeen!" she scolds.

"So? A compliment is a compliment." I look down at her body. Still in pajamas. "Shouldn't you be getting ready to take Aiden to his hockey game?"

"Oops," she mutters, eyes wide. "I can't believe I forgot. I have a meeting scheduled with the hospital board today."

"Oookay. No problem." I walk over to the stairs and call for Lily.

I hear her walking out of her room. Her long brown hair bounces as she comes down the stairs. "Yeah?"

"Can you take Aiden to his game? I have to go into work. You'll have to pick up Ally and Jordan on the way." Aiden was on the same team as Alice and Jasper's daughter and Emmett and Rosalie's daughter. They got along pretty well for the most part, so they played well together.

"Ugh!" Lily rolls her eyes. "What about mom?"

"She has to go into work, too. And change the tone of your voice." I knew it was futile to tell her to change her tone. She'd be back at it two minutes later. It used to irk me to no end, but Bella said it was a part of adolescence.

"But we're going to Grace's house!"

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"Grace, could you come down here, please?" I call upstairs. Grace comes down immediately, wide-eyed. She looks scared and I laugh internally. Does she think I'm going to yell at her? Of course I never would.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

"Would it be alright if Lily came over in about thirty minutes? She has to bring Aiden to his game."

"Of course."

I smile at both of them, then look at Lil. "Problem solved."

"_Ughhh_, I hate you!" Lily turns and stomps up the stairs. Grace follows her.

I tell myself that she doesn't mean it. She hates me one minute and loves me the next. Bella says that's a part of adolescence as well, and when it comes to this stuff, I listen to Bella. Partly because she's a great therapist, and mostly because she just makes me feel a whole lot better.

A few minutes later, Aiden comes downstairs with his duffel bag full of hockey gear, and I wonder briefly if he'll ever realize the Devils are garbage and become a Rangers fan. Maybe I should tell Lily to try and convert him. But then…Bella would murder me.

The kids leave quickly, but not before kissing Bella and me goodbye and telling us they love us.

…And those kisses and "love you" are what I live for.

"You feeling okay?" Bella asks from behind me.

I turn to her with a smile. "Perfect."

"Good," she mirrors my smile.

I know she's asking about my cravings. That's usually what she means if she asks me out of the blue. Though it happens very rarely, I'll admit that I still crave the drug once in a while. But I just take it one day at a time. I would never even think of doing it again. I can't. It's been thirteen years. I've come too far to go back to that.

My life is too amazing for me to ruin it, and my family means too much for me to leave them or hurt them in any way. Of course Bella and I still argue about stupid things, but that's us, and I like it that way. I love it that way.

I take two steps toward Bella and cradle her face as I lean down to kiss her.

She looks up at me when I pull back. "What was that for?"

I shrug. "Just 'cause."

"I love you," she whispers.

"I love you, too. Always."

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**That's it! Thank you all so much for reading my story. (: Hopefully I'll start my next story soon, but you guys know it takes me forever to write a chapter. (Sorry about that. I'll try to be better next time.)**


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